Girls, You Cannot Underestimate The Importane Of Proper Eye Shadow Applique'!!!!!

Girls, what a March it has been--from Lion to Lamb and back crammed with Lent, St Pat's, Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Easter! Tomorrow, girls, is Spy Wednesday (so spy on someone) St. Jospeh's Day, and of course the day the Swallows come back to Capistrano!!!!!!

More than anything it is important for us girls to keep going, and one way to do so is by proper eye shadow application. I just read that the widely anticipated April release of the "Prom Night" remake (yes , they are redoing the Jamie Lee Curtis) will focus on the killer's motivation as NOT being childhood trauma and a sibling's death by an bunch of suburban brats, but on the telling fact that years before, in childhood, Wendy, who grew up to be the town bitch/whore, would not instruct the killer in proper eye shadow application. What a fucking bitch! Darlings, it is enough to kill anyone, because let me tell you you do not go anywhere outdoors without your eye liner!!!
How you do your eyes can make or break a girl in this world, and "Prom Night 2008" will make it clear to all how this cannot be undervalued.

Meantime, girls, just remember what our doyenne of dance, Miss Donna McKechnie says:
"Get up every morning at eight,
Do your hair, do your face,
Sing your scales,
Limber up at the barre!"

See you at your places, girls!!!!!!

Girls, Let Us Celebrate The Miracle of Donna McKechnie

Sweethearts--

I am telling you there is no excuse for such scurilous filth on the Internet. Today I discovered, going back to August 22, 2006 this article on the then forthcoming revival of "A Chorus Line" by this ersatz writer/dancer named Toba Singer. Girls, she has her own website, and she looks like a cow! I am talking Totie Fields, only without the true artistry that was Miss Fields.

This two ton Tessie Tura has the nerve to criticize Donna McKechnie. How many shows have you stopped, Toba? How good do you look in a red skirt? And just how flexible is that body of yours?

It seems to me Singer is the one with the fixation--on Priscilla Lopez. She goes on to talk about she and Priscilla studied together at the High School of Performing Arts. THEN she has the sheer audacity to committ one of the greatest faux pas in theater history--to violate confidentiality that even Priscilla Lopez has kept all this time as to the true identity of Mr. Karp in "Nothing." I have known many actors who studied there who knew but there was alway a tacit agreement not to reveal him. And so we get it first hand from Tubby Toba!!!!

Says how she studied dance with Phil Black. Sweetie, didn't we all. So did Trini Alvarado!
According to Toba what "A Chorus Line" is really about is she and Priscilla, and not, as she phrases it "Michael Bennett and his morbid fixation on Donna McKechnie."

Excuse me, Toba? Were you part of the creative process of ACL? Were you a member of the original cast. How dare you claim the show is about you! Honey you couldn't do a time step, let alone walk across the street.

As for Mr. Bennett and his morbid fixation on Donna McKechnie, let me tell you this Michael is fixated for the same reason as the other Michael--we both respond to Donna's emotionally impassioned style and artistry, the perfection of that bodily symmetry that, darlings, you know we all want to have, but which only Donna can own!!!!! Donna is a true miracle; while at home recuperating from a shoulder disc slip up and listening to her CD, I heard that inner voice of Donna that all us dancers hear say "Honey, if you can get on your feet--dance!" Before I knew it I was dancing "The Music and The Mirror" full out and feeling no pain!!!!!! The miracle of Donna is how she reaches all artists whether she is present or not. How many artists has Toba Singer reached? With the piece she has written she is sure to alienate more than she will reach.

Michael Bennett, God love him, had a reputation for being a theatrical bitch, but he is no longer with us. But THIS Michael is still here, so let me speak for him--Miss Singer if you say one more scurilous thing agst Donna you will learn from me the true meaning of the word B-I-T-C-H.

Hope everything is beautiful at your ballet, darling!

Girls, We Just LOVE Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid!!!!!

"You're soaking in it.
DISHWASHING LIQUID!!!!!!!
Relax, it's Palmolive!
Really mild?
And it softens hands while you do the dishes."
--Jan Miner as Madge the manicurist

Girls, who would have thought that Palmolive would pave the way for the fashion industry
and Hollywoood? The other night while washing my dishes with said product I noticed how
the color clearly resembled Keira Knightley's gorgeous "Atonement" gown. Darlings, I am
convinced the costume designer of "Atonement" was inspired to create the gown while
washing dishes with Palmolive! If only Jan Miner were here to see how Madge paved the
way for fashion iconography.

So, girls, scrub up tonight with Palmolive as it points you the way towards Hollywood
glamour. And the next time you bitch about housework, think about what product could
be the next trend setter. Maybe Clorox????

Love you all, girls!!!!

Happy VD Day, Girls!

Darlings!

Ever stop to wonder that the initals for Valentine's Day are VD??? What is that about, hmmm? Are the Christian right using this day to protest promiscuous sexual practices by scaring the bejesus out of its youth. Because I am here, girls to tell you on Valentine's Day to love, love, love,
whether that is curling up with your honey, a DVD of "Fatal Attraction" or dinner for two at a romantic hot spot like One If By Land Two If By Sea. Girls, I vote for the latter except no man to take me, nor even the prospect of one. Huhhhhh...........

Nevertheless girls I am out on the prowl tonight, a walk on the wild side to get some VD of my own...but only the right kind!

Later, girls!!!!!!

Girls, Sometimes We Want To Be Nurse Ratched!!

Darlings!

Don't you just love Louise Fletcher as Nurse Ratched? With that vampire hair style and institutional white uniform look she is the bitch we sometimes need to be. Just love to control our inmates and make them squirm. In fact Louise makes a career of making us squirm; just adore her as Grandma Olivia, who slaps Christine silly and then cuts her hair in the name of sin in "Flowers In The Attic," not to mention her star turn as science teacher Mrs. McKelchy in the 1986 remake of "Invaders From Mars" where she devours a frog in front of her students. My high school science teachers deserved to eat far worse!!!!

Girls, we need to get in touch with our inner bitch sometimes, and thank God we have Louise Fletcher to channel us into it. So have yourselves a Louise Fletcher film festival this weekend and pay tribute to one of filmdom's top ranked bitches!!!!!

Girls, How Is One Supposed To Entertain Without A Full Staff!!!!

I mean, darlings, come on!

Last night I was forced to entertain my vastly intellectual book group singlehandedly. Girls, it shouldn't happen to us. This kind of entertaining went out with the dark ages of Ozzie and Harriet? Do you think Janice and Annette entertain without a staff? How about the Bouviers???
Even Patty and Selma!!!!!

Girls, at least the evening was a success. But I needed an attractive male something in a tux to answer the door, another to serve in the kitchen dressed as a French maid--in this case wearing a jock strap-- another to take my phone calls and maintain my appointments, and another to see to my window treatments and seasonally change the shower curtains. Is this too much to ask?

But darlings the discussion flew! Everything from Miss Havisham to politics!!!!! And don't forget the clean up crew afterward, all of whom are attractive men who look like the cast of Harold Craig's 2001 classic "Pumped Up." If my curtains aren't cleaned when I order them someone is going to get more than pumped!

Don't we just love being a bitch, girls! Now THAT is what' fun! The milk of human kindness flows in my veins! See you later, girls!

Girls, Those Fingernails!!!!!!!

Girls,

Alas with a new year comes also a slew of deaths and we have had our first major death of the year--and it is a sad one: none other than Malia Nurmi, known to a generation of us as "Vampira!" She died of natural causes at 86 but the sadness of her passing is the elimination of another key memory of the baby boomer generation. Girls, I can't tell you how I thrilled to her appearances in "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (featuring Dudley Manlove!!!!!) on "Chiller Theater on Saturday nights, where I saw such iconic classics as "Daughter of Dr. Jekyll" and "She Demons." As for Vampria, how I wanted to look like her! I mean, that waistline!!! And those fingernails!!!! I still want those fingernails!!!!!

Vampira and Brad Renfro--the River Phoenix death of his generation--have already embedded themselves in 2008's history as its first prime death. Now girls let us all embed ourselves in facial cream and get ourselves beautiful--use those gift certificates at Georgette Klinger--because spring is coming and darlings we have to be ready with our Easter Bonnets and then our bathing suits by the Beautiful Sea!!! This bathing beauty is always ready to be saved by a hunky lifeguard and whisked off to Great Neck!!!!!

Oh do it to me big boy!!!!!!!

Love you all, Girls!!!