Darlings, There Is No Doubt That I Am The Male Fran Leibowitz!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, yesterday, Monsieur and I went to see "Public Speaking," the documentary on Fran, at the Film Forum, and while it was enormously entertaining, it asked more questions than it answered.

The first is, of all the filmmakers out there to do a documentary on her, why Martin Scorsese???? His stuff is very testosterone fueled, but then, come to think of it, Fran comes off with a healthy supply of it herself. We have known, for years darling, that she is just a big old lesbo, even if she doesn't beat her chest, clutching a well worn copy of "The Well Of Loneliness" by Radclyffe Hall. The second mystery to Fran is--how does she have a career???? I mean, she has basically written only two books, none of which were world beaters as sellers or literary works, (in fact she exploited herself by combining them and selling them together as "The Fran Leibowitz Reader"), she does speaking gigs and turns up at every social function in town, where she is wonderfully astute and witty. But so is The Raving Queen, darlings, so how come I cannot make money, like Fran, marketing myself as a Professional Bullshit Artist? After all, I am prettier than Fran--hell, it doesn't take much--I have more sophisticated taste, and darlings, I am a frequenter of the literary demi monde. Fran talks the talk about being an avid reader, but what has she actually read???? Liz Smith's column????? I mean, has she read Jonathan Franzen's "Freedom?" I bet not.

I would love to see my friend, Harvey, go one on one with Fran!!!!! Talk about two curmudgeons trying to outdo each other!!!!! Harvey would wipe the floor with Fran. Which, I think, is key to the answer about Fran--she is the adult embodiment of the schoolyard bully (she is from New Jersey, the bullying capital of the world!!!!)out on the playing field of Manhattan, saying, "Look at me, look what I can get away with!!!!"

Fran, honey, we love you, but how about a go round with The Raving Queen???? There is no reason why I should not have my portrait on a mural someplace!!!! And I don't mean the subway wall!!!!! My personal choice would be One If By Land, Two If By Sea, but I am not picky. If you want to put it in the Polish Tea Room (ie; the Edison Coffee Shop in the Theatre District) that is fine with me, too.

Darlings, I would bet you anything that if my literary compositions were stretched out end to end, it would be a bigger body of work than Fran Leibowitz!!!!!!
That is why it up to all of you, my girls, to support me. Send cash, if you want. But more importantly, tell others out there to read me, so my fan base can grow, and who knows, before long a documentary on ME would be made. And would I tell EVERYTHING, oh boy!!!!!!

Straight to Cannes, lambs!!!!! Hear that, Fran ??????