Girls, We Have To See THIS If It Comes To Broadway!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, let me tell you, if you think I am talking about "Spider Man--Turn Off The Dark," you do not know me!!!!!! It is high time to turn the lights out on THAT show, which already has had a longer preview period than some shows run. And now I hear it is going to delay its opening till June. What about TONY Awards, Julie? Honestly, I do not know why Julie Taymor won't throw in the towel on this clunker, but then between the size of her ego and the amount of money she and investors are pouring into it, they are not going to let this shark kill them, until they are good and ready to die at its hands. Which they very well might. I am telling you right now, loves--at this point, Miss Taymor's career is pretty much dead!!!!!!

But I could care less about 'Spider Man', loves. What got my theatrical juices flowing was Ben Brantley's assertion the other day that the London production now running of Lillian Hellman's "The Children's Hour," starring Keira Knightley and Rebecca Hall, is Broadway bound.

Sweeties, I have been saying for years that this is long overdue for a revival. There really has not been one since 1952, which predates even yours truly. But more important, despite Mr. Brantley calling it dated, I am not so sure he is right; there are plenty of small communities throughout the U.S. (just in New Jersey, alone, dolls, which, believe ME, I know!!!!!) where its scenario could very well happen.

I can never forget my introduction to "The Children's Hour," which was back in the late Sixties, when it seemed Channel 9, with nothing better to show, would haul out the 1961 version, with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley Maclaine and run it over and over. Or so it seemed. I still recall the capsule summary in TV Guide-"Two young women, running a private school for girls, fall victim to the malicious lies of one of their pupils." Big deal, I always thought. By the time I was on the throes of puberty, I knew enough to know what homosexuality meant, so when I came across a review of it in Steven Scheuer's "TV Movie Guide" that mentioned the word "lesbianism," I was, like "Oh, boy!" Did I expect to see lesbian sex???? Did I even care????? Even at that early point, not really!!!!!!! But, then, at that point I was not interested in watching two men!!!!!!!! Boy, did THAT change!!!!!!!!!!

One day, my parents and I were over at my friend Marc's house in South Plainfield, New Jersey (our parents had been friends prior to our respective births), and, turning on the TV, came in on the movie on--where else???--Channel 9. Marc was not theatrically bent, but, honey, you better believe I was!!!!!! I had just come in on the scene where Mary is being questioned by her grandmother, the teachers are there, as is Rosalie (played memorably by Veronica Cartwright). Suddenly, after much dialogue, Veronica Cartwright stands up and screams with a hysteria SO genuine I actually thought she was in peril. Which, back then, to my naive outlook was brilliant acting. Actually, it turned out it was, because, as I went on to discover, it was on the basis of this moment and role that Miss Cartwright was able to carve out a forty plus year career for herself, long after her better known sibling, Angela (who was in "The Sound of Music," lest we forget!!!)) had hung her show biz past out to dry!!!!!!!!!

I remember we had to leave shortly after it broke for a commercial, but I was hooked--I HAD to see this film in its entirety the next time it was on. Eventually, the time came, and, of course, I found it very impressive. Being about the same age as the school girls at the time, I was intrigued by the notion of a child being able to bring an entire school down by simply telling a lie. Now, while I was brilliant, darlings, I was not exactly in love with school, being a victim of bullying and discrimination myself. So I was thrilled with the idea of bringing my school down, but, of course, I never did, because, unlike Mary, I never found a way in sync with the times enough to do it. Let me say from the broader perspective of adult knowledge--Over time, "The Children's Hour" has come to be referred to as "the lesbian play." Which on one level it is, so it is always included in almost every gat play anthology out there. However, if you read enough about Lillian Hellman, she maintains the play is not about lesbianism; it is about a lie. The proof of her theory lies in Samuel Goldwyn, with William Wyler directing, making an often better film version of the play in 1936, this time entitled "These Three," and substituting heterosexual adultery for homosexual. The emphasis here was not on orientation, but the lie, and that was proven by the time and exposure Wyler gave to Bonita Granville, whose Mary is the definitive thing. Karen Ballkin in the '61 film you could blow over with a feather!!!!! And Bonita, at the tender age of 12, darlings, got herself an Oscar nomination for this role, in the then brand new category called Best Supporting Actress. Just like I would have, girls!!!!!!!!!

Actually, girls, I have played this show alot. I trained for acting with it, which may explain something right there about my career. My friencd, Doug, and I, used to act it out all the time, with me usually as Mary, and him as Rosalie. But he was REALLY great at doing Mrs. Mortar!!!!! I think he modeled his performance from two sources--Miriam Hopkins in the 1961 version, and Nana!!!!! Sometimes he would play Shirley Maclaine to my Audrey Hepburn, though I confess I never had more fun than when playing Mary. I got to act as hateful as some of the kids in school were to me.

One day, we decided to take it live!!!!!! Oh, my God, girls, let me tell you!!!!!!! Switching roles (with me as Rosalie, and Doug as Mary, because I knew I had the greater acting chops for hysteria) we performed the questioning scene that ends Act Two, with my Mother watching!!!!!! As soon as I threw myself onto the couch sobbing, "I said it! I said it!" not willing yet to let go of the hysteria, my poor Mother had had enough. Honey, she ran into the kitchen, dialed my father at work, and said "You've got to come home!!!! I don't know what's going on!!!!!! He's trying to be Bonita Granville, or something!!!!!!!!" I don't think my father knew what to do either.

Several years back, in my Gay and Lesbian Reading Group, we read the Hellman play, and, to enhance the evening, I directed several key scenes from it. Those two young lambs, Adam and Joel, played the two teachers; Joel played the overwrought repressed lesbian to a tee, while Adam was quietly supportive. I, of course, played Mary, and darlings, I played it for all it was worth. I am telling you, people were actually chilled by my performance!!!!!!!!!!

So you can understand, loves, how excited I am that this play is finally coming to Broadway, so maybe I will have a chance to see it. I am sure Knightley and Hall will travel with it, but what about the rest of the cast???? Is the role of Mary up for grabs??? Because I want it!!!!!! It is MY part, and no one plays an evil child better than moi, darlings!!!!!!! I have so much to draw upon!!!!!!!! If I marched in there, and read Mary for the producers, they would not know what to, except cast me!!!!! I don't think they could deal with anything else, after this!!!!!!!!!

But deal with this, dolls--whehter I am onstage or off, I will support this play, which has been part of my life for such a long time!!!!!!! You bet this will hold up, after all these years. Need I mantion the McMartin Preschool Incident from the 1980s. That was "The Children's Hour" and "The Crucilbe" rolled into one. Witch hunts do not disppear with time, dolls; they just evolve differently!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just make sure you are the wickedest Witch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!