Darlings, There Is Nothing "Funny" About This Uncle!!!!

Yesterday, thanks to Monsieur being a true New Year's baby, we were treated magnanimously to lunch by that wild one of a relation, Monsieur's Uncle Ernest!!!!
Now, Uncle Ernest, soon to be 81, is quite a character, and I have always found him amusing. I have always tired to be compassionate regarding him, because he is what I call a "wounded bird;" he longs for the things most of us long for--and is not bad at all--but is just too arrested in a socially developmental way to get what he seems to want most. I hasten to add he is not at all what today is called "neurologically impaired." He just raises the bar higher on plain, old "eccentric."

Anyway, the three of us were noshing yesterday afternoon at the Second Avenue Deli. Monsieur and Uncle E had huge Corned Beef sandwiches, while I opted for the Soup and Half Sandwich combo--Matzoh Ball and a Half Roast Turkey sandwich. Between this, cole slaw, pickles and soda, this was plenty for me.

Given the infrequent gift of a Captive Audience, Uncle Ernest went on to chat at length. It wasn't the fact that he chatted that was troubling; it was what he chatted about.

It seems Uncle Ernest is the Toast Of Cyberspace, on a site called "Answerology," on which posters may ask and answer questions. The topics, if I understand this right, can range from anything, but with Uncle Ernest, it boils down to one thing--how shall I say it--Human Sexuality!!!!!

"My Uncle is a sex fiend!" Monsieur gasped, hanging his head in shame, as we walked back to the subway. As for yours truly--and this seldom happens--the Raving Queen was reduced to incredulity.

Uncle Ernest goes on this forum by the screen name "Size 008." Just to make sure we got his drift he winked at us!!!!! That's right! Winked!!! I wanted to crawl under the table, darlings!!!!! Too bad espionage was not my genre, because what Bond spoofs I could write, using this moniker as a character. But I am no Ian Fleming, girls!!!!

How much worse can it get???? While maintaining his gentility online--so he says--but using what he calls "scientific" terms, we go on to find references to "cucumbers," and the most telling of questions--"Ladies, where do you get more pleasure, your clit or G-spot????"

Excuse me?????? How is "ladies" being genteel in the face of what comes after?????

But that is Uncle Ernest!!!!!!!

My poor Monsieur!!!! What did he do, to deserve this???? But not to worry; I told him, as long as such acting out does not go beyond cyber, then no harm is done!!!! If, however, Uncle Ernest takes his act into the Real World, then, honey, we could all end up on 'SVU'. In which case, I will give you an air date!!!!!!

Like I said, just two days, and we have had this much excitement already!!!!
The year is shaping up, faster than I thought!!!!!!

Beware of wounded birds, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!