Now, THIS Is The Musical That Should Be Done On Broadway, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!! Not "Rocky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          Girls, I will never forget sitting in the Village East Cinema on Second Avenue, the late Spring/early Summer of 2007, watching Mitchell Lichtenstein's film, "Teeth." (Mitchell was the son of Roy Lichtenstein, so there really was an artistic sensibility to the film!!!!!)   The audience was simultaneously shrieking with horror, and screaming with laughter. And so was I.

                               In "Teeth," Jess Weixler (whose career, unfortunately, went nowhere!!!!!!) played Dawn, a girl who just wanted to be loved, but she had a slight problem. She suffered from a rare scientific (in fictive terms) medical condition that the filmmakers called "vagina dentata," which is just what it sounds like--there are teeth at the point of entry, so any guy who tries, well.....he loses more than just his virtue if he is a virgin, and if not, bye, bye, manhood!

                                  You could say the whole thing is a male penis fear fantasy. Or the fantasy of a woman suffering from penis envy.  Either way, it is hilarious!  The scene with the dog in the bedroom is hilarious! I am not even going to say more!

                                       So, why am I rhapsodizing about this film, suddenly??????  Well, with "Rocky," due, I am afraid, to arrive soon at the Winter Garden, wouldn't it be more interesting, if something like this were arriving, instead??????????/

                                        A musical version of "Teeth" would be a sensation.   You could have either Lindsay Lohan or Jodi Arias play Dawn, because both are predatory, and, in "A Prairie Home Companion," I believe Lindsay did show she had some musicality. Julie Taymor would have to get in on it, because she would have to design a life size (ie; human size) vagina with teeth, that sings to the audience; you know, a big, show stopping number.  I can see the audiences line up now!  It would be better than "Rocky!"

                                        To think I once dreamed of playing the Winter Garden!  Angela Lansbury played there, in "Mame."  BARBRA was there in "Funny Girl."  Liza appeared there. As did the legendary original production of "Follies."

                                          These days, all I dream of for the Winter Garden is a quality show!

                                           "Teeth" would be that show!

                                             Watch where you poke, boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!