Darlings, It Is So Much More Than Definition!!!!!

Whatever one may think about being gay, let me tell you, darlings, it is not easy. Not just the usual reasons--social persecution and exclusion, career marginality due to sexual orientation--yes, dears, we are talking about my life--but because there are so many definitions of gay from theater queens to vicious opera queens (the worst!) to Chelsea boys, to nellies, butches....the list goes on and on. Sweeties I am not sure what I am, what with my feminizing Diana Vreeland prose style and my panting lust for REAL men like Eric Evans who in my dreams pound my love passage while whispering "Fuck, yeah!" into my ear!

It takes a sense of fabulousnesss about oneself to be gay, and let me tell you I have it. Wait till men taste my Potage Partmentier, then I will have my house in Great Neck or Long Beach and can fly from the land of carbon paper to the land of flowered chintz, which my husband will buy for me! Darlings, how much more can one stand! Stay tuned when I reveal how and what made me this way. You will never believe it!

Tomorrow, We Are Defined!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I am declaring tomorrow is officially Julie and Julia Day, and you can bet, what with having just started the book, I am marching into my kitchen tomorrow to make Potage Parmentier, and then off to the movie to see the Divine Meryl Streep and the Enchanting Amy Adams. And all from the grubby, grittiness of MY New York based kitchen, in Queens!!!!!

A word, girls, about yesterday's remark regarding enabling, ethnic mothers. Now, some may see that as being a racist; honey, I am just stating facts. Woodside is overrun will all sorts of ethnic diversity, with my gayness, darling, being one of the most diverse of that diverse. And those of us who were raised in affluent white suburban neighborhoods never forget where we came from, so when we get to those urban settings we long to escape to in order to live our lives the way we want instead of proscibed, let me tell you there are things you have to adjust to. Baby, we are a long way from Miss Porter's. And that is not my existent snobbism talking; that is simply facts! If I were a true snob or racist, I would only have these people in my home as cleaning people or yard workers, assuming I had a yard! But to water just one crappy plant? And cook myself a meal? Honey, I can do that myself!

So appologies to Woodside if you feel offended. True, I do want to fly from the land of carbon paper to the land of flowered chintz, but right now Woodside does just fine, what with housing my books and other assorted gay memorabilia, which we will get to in time, girls!!!!

Looking forward to seeing all my girls tomorrow at our repsective kitchen ranges, and at the movies with Meryl and Amy. May all of you have a happy Julie and Juilia Day, darlings!!!!!!!!!

Get To Your Kitchen Ranges, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......And get them heated, cleaned and fired up! Because in two days, with the release of "Julie and Julia," we are all going to be in oour kitchens trying to cook up a storm like Meryl Streep while looking as scrumptious as Amy Adams!!!! Darling, I can only hope my hair holds out as well as Amy! And to wear that white dress that she serves the rooftop dinner in! Darlings, if I served a rooftop dinner on my building, people would fry, while planes flew overhead, because I live in Woodside,Queens, where I am probably the only one there who has heard of Meryl Streep, Amy Adams or non-procreative sex. There may be sex in Woodside, but it comes with the price tag of children, judging by all the overaged obese tykes in baby carriages being driven by their enabliing ethnic mothers, who are just too dumb for words! So march into the kitchen girls and clean, because soon our reps will be on the line!

Girls, Our Goal This Week.....................

.............is to go into our kitchen and cook up a storm like Meryl Streep while looking as fresh and radiant as Amy Adams. Darling, with my superb skin and hair coloring, I am ready to go all Amy right now. I have this FABULOUS recipie for Red Velvet cake, darling, and that will be my first culinary creation. Who knows what kind of mess my kitchen will turn into; maybe it will land on Oprah. Or maybe the two predatory Asian women who crawled into my apartment in my dream last night to try and take over my apartment and my life will crawl out of my oven and try to engulf me with their passive agressive sexuality, which I will spew by spitting cake batter in their faces? Girls, help me, how can I be like Amy when I am such a bitch? Would Amy Adams get all wrought up like this? You bet she wouldn't. She would just sail graciously into the kitchen, pirouetting and arabesqing from counter to sink to oven with ingreadients and equipment while creating an exqusitite concoction. Darlings, I wish I were as exqusisite a concoction as Amy. Then maybe I could get a husband and house and do something so that this blog would pay off with a movie deal!!!! Darlings, we all want our own movie deals? I sure would love Amy Adams to play me!!! And Meryl to direct!!!!!!!

Get those kitchen utensils, ready, now, girls! Just three more days to go!

Girls, What I Have To Go Through!!!!!

Darlings, I KNOW I am SO FABULOUS and I know all you out there, think it is easy being this way, but it is not. Let me give you some insights into my life--

At 5AM my alarm goes off. That's right, girls, five AM!!! Depending on what kind of night I have had, I either turn off the alarm or toss until six. But then it is out of bed because I have a FULL beauty regimen to do. It starts with my thyroid pill, and the making of coffee, continues to fixing my face, bathing, mositurizing, doing my hair, brushing my teeth, breakfasting with that delicious coffee, my legs curled seductively onl the divan like Carol Lawrence for General Foods International Coffees. Then I have to select my designer wardrobe and get into it--WITHOUT ANYONE TO HELP ME, GIRLS!!!!! I mean, not even a maid. Or a husand!

Before dressing I do my exercises--a brisk walk, stretching and yoga. Once I dress I start out the door. And darlings, by this time it is only seven thirty! Do you hear me? Seven thirty!!!
Not even eight o clock. BUT my hair and make up are perfect.

I know so many of you out there want to be ME because you think it is fabulous. Well, darlings, it does not come without a price and the price is a hard work regimen while the rest of you can sleep past seven thirty, take a shower in the middle of the thrid period, and not have to contend with irate patrons yelling 'Fuck you' at you simply because you don't happen to have what they want?

Still want to be fabuluous, girls?

Check back with me!!!!!!

Girls, This Is Is The Week Of "Julie And Julia!"

Girls, we cannot wait to see the Divine Meryl Streep and the enchanting Amy Adams in this culinary classic which is going to send me to the kitchen utensil shop and beauty parlor simultaaneously, because I want to cook like Amy, while looking like her.

And welcome back The Raving Queen, girls! Yes, honey, the bitch is back and this bitch has plenty to bitch about--everything from burreacucratic crap to beans n' franks lesbians! The last is enough to scare Stalin, honeys!

But back to Julie and Julia--sweeties it came from a blog and I am going to record my life so that I can get a movie deal from my blog. We are going to have so much fun, and we just cannot wait till Friday! So let's see what happens, girls!!!!!!

The Return of The Raving Queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Simply Have To Read "American Wife"!

Darlings, Curtis Sittenfeld's "American Wife" is the literary event of the season, and I mean, if you have not read it you will not be able to show yourself at any parties this autumn, no matter what designer you are wearing. One reason why this is such an event is that finally with this novel Sittenfeld deservedly earns all the praise she did not deserve for her first book, "Prep." Encased in the story of a first lady who just may be Laura Bush--though Priscilla, the Barbara stand-in is the real horror!-- this novel encompasses the pressures upon pre-sexual revolution men and women, the roles that these times constricted them to, and how this constriciton shaped two individuals who rose to the top of America's political heap. Girls, I never gave a damn about the Bushes, but this novel is so compelling it will have you thinking that maybe LB is more complex than we first thought. Well, darlings, anyone is. Look how complex I am, what with what it takes to be SO fabulous. So do not be the social zero at this season's array of parties.
Read "American Wife." And don't forget to shop at Diane Von Furstenberg, 14th Street and Washinton. Love to all, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!