Cross Your Fingers, Girls!!!!!!!

Darlings, just like the cross my heart bra! Yes, tonight is the big night, loves and I am SO nervous. An extra layer of night cream was applied last night before sleep for assurance. And to think I am wearing the shirt on the photo. Some things are subliminal, I guess. And of course all sorts of nervous things are floating through my head--"It will be wonderful," "It will not," "We'll get married." "Then I will lose my job"--and on and on. You better believe I am taking meds today, and now, girls, you know why.

A lovely time was had by all at Riverside Park. Our book club hostess, Julia, served poizza, which she swears she did not make, but with Julia, are you kidding? And we had coffee and talk afterwards at her place, and what a cozy little domestic enclave she and her busband, Henry have. It is like "La Boeheme" without the music.
Just like two clams crammed into one half shell!

Darlings, even though I would like to be crammed(!!!!) with someone, I have to wonder and marvel at how they do it. But soon they will find their dream spot and then kisses for all!!!!!

Girls, I am just SO nervous. Even one of my coworkers commented. I told him I did not sleep well last night, which was half true, because these gorillas in my nabe were having a party that went on past midnight!!! Until a familiar voice, whom I do not know, but am always grateful for, yelled out the window--"Shut the fuck up, you animals! I am calling the cops NOW!" Then I heard a siren in the distance, and you better believe there was dead silence and a good night sleep after that. Hats off to this guy, who deserves a good blow job. Maybe not from me, but from soneone.

So, you can see what a mess I am, darlings, but I look gorgeous. I will be sure to give all of you a full report on the exploits this eve!

wish me luck, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, There Is SO MUCH To Report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, the first thing I want to say is according to my sources, Amy Adams is very near due to give birth. Some figure it will be this Sunday, the 9th, which is Mother's Day, and as Amy is perfection herself, wouldn't that just be? Think how exciting it is going to be, darlings, when Meryl Streep delivers the baby herself. Will the baby resmble Meryl Streep? I cannot WAIT to find out. But with Amy Adams as the mother, you know this baby is going to radiant and enchanting!!! Just like ME, loves!!!!!

Let me say that "Memphis," the recently Tony nominated musical, which I saw Wednesday evening, is worthy of what it got. I was expecting a musical compendium of songs out of Memphis from that era, but what you get is a show biz book musical, with a galvanizing star performance by leading man Chad Kimball, whose performance cries out to win the Tony Award, and, honey, I think he should win. How many men in musicals are allowed to stop the show like this, girls?? Not too many, I can tell you, which is why I have not stopped any of late. But Chad is electric as Huey
Calhoun, and he is matched every step of the way by Montnegro Grove, who is sensational, and the choreography of Serge Trujillo, who has clearly learned a few things from Michael Bennett--hell THIS is who should done "Promises, Promises," not our former Week Bitch, Rob Ashford!!!!!

Speaking of Michael Bennett, did you know Donna and Baayork are in town? They are going to be part of a reception honoring Bennett Monday evening at Dancers Over 40, and don't you know you want to be there. And if I were Rob Ashford or the 'Promieses' cast, I would get nervous, because I am certain Donna and Baayork are going to check the show out, and set everyone straight on what it SHOULD be. I would not be surprised if they just stepped into it one night next week, and, darling, you know I would love to be there for that. We shall see!!!!!!

I am feeling like Anita in "West Side Story" or the dancers in "A Chorus Line" because I have a big evening planned and like song says "I've come this far, but even so, it could be yes, it could be no...." The event takes place tomorrow at the Riviera Cafe, with its famous Bloody Marys, so if anything I will come out of this relaxed and feeling like Tallulah.

But today it my day off, so it is errands, book group, and trying to squeeze in a screening of "Metropolis" at the Film Fourm. In the meantime, girls, drink up for me, and keep your fingers crossed that I can soon fly from the land of carbon paper to that of flowered chintz!!!!

And don't forget to see "The Human Centipede" A laugh riot!

Cheers for Our Amy, and to you all, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FABULOUS COFFEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, The Bitches Just Keep Coming To Us!!!!!!!!!!!

Before we get to discussing this week's winner for Bitch Of The Week, a few words about a recent one, Miss Linda Lavin. Though a supreme bitch, The Raving Queen congratulates her on her TONY nomination for the now Broadway production of Donald Margulies' "Collected Stories." Never mind Linda is nominated for a role that was originated by a far better actress than she (Uta Hagen, whom I saw in the part, darlings!), it shows both that bitches can still do excellent work, and even though we may hate them, we can honor them.

But let us get to our current winner, who is freshly minted. In fact, he sprung onto the Bitch Scene this morning. The winner of this week's Bitch Of The Week Award is--Florida minister George Alan Rekers.

First, we are not surprised he hails from Florida which probably has more bigots and homophobes per capita than any state in the union. Hell, I am surpised the Matthew Sheperd tragedy did not happen THERE. In the grand tradition of Larry Craig, Rekers is another anti-gay spouting closest case who has been caught with his pants down--in this case travelling to Europe, no less, with a companion he acquired from rentaboy.com, which has nothing to do with social deportment, girls!!!! He CLAIMS the boy was hired to tote his baggage, when in fact we know what he was hired to do was STROKE it! And if you look at Rekers, it stands to reason he would have to pay--that bad hair and moustache--hell, the man is so ugly, with most likely a personality to match, that only a paid sex consort would give him action. You have to feel sorry for said consort; he must have had to close his eyes, conjure up pretty images, wash his mouth out, and all those other things sex professionals have to do when saddled with extremely unattractive clients.

Added to which it is found out that Rekers has ADOPTED a 16 year old boy. Hasn't he ever heard the exprssion "Sixteen will get you 20!" ? I guess not, and let me tell you I would like to know what the word "adoption" means in this case here. Are we talking Bruce Wayne, and his "young ward" Dick Grayson? Uh-huh, and we know all about THAT loves. Just like we always knew about Captain America and Bucky!!!!! However, Rekers is no super-hero! He is just a big old, tired, hypocritical closet queen who gets his kicks by being morally righteous while being sexually purient. He is not the first, and he won't be the last. I mean, look at all the straight, married businessmen in American suburbia. I am telling you, honey!!!!!!

So congratulations to George Alan Rekers for being chosen this week's Bitch Of The Week. Now he needs to own up to all the Bette Midler concerts he has been to, his collection of Madonna records, and his secret stash of fishnets and panties.

Believe me, I KNOW, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Night On The Aisle, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, tonight we are off to the Great White Way to see the Tony nominated musical "Memphis," which I have been hearing is quite something, so we shall see. Too bad I don't have my pearls with me, but this is NOT an opening. Just a gathering of Girls (read:theater queens) on the town!!!!! I hear things are still chilly over at "Promises, Promises" and not so fuzzy and warm at "The Addams Family." Where are the classics when we need them, darling.

Speaking of classics, this girl has a date Saturday night. I mean, do you know how long it has been? I cannot remember. What designer should I wear? And the moisturizer???? A couple of Bloody Marys and I will feel just like Tallulah! The vibes have been promising on this one, loves, so let me tell you, we are hoping. Just pray for my health to hold out--no migraine or upset stomach.

And pray things can continue as they do, career wise. My public needs me, girls, and I have to serve them. So we shall see. Meanwhile, I have to powder my nose, grab a bite, and dsah off to the aisle!!!!!

Toodles, girls!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, You Do NOT Want To Be Backstage At "Promises, Promises!" Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, the Tony nominations were announced this morning, and once again I did not get one, continuuing my long, ongoing battle with the Tony nominating committee. For what I do and have done at The Drama Desk I should get an award, because performing there is like doing marathon sessions of "August:Osage County." I am telling you!!!

But that is NOTHING compared to what the stage manager is going to have to deal with tonight at "Promises, Promieses!" For Sean Hayes, and Katie Finearan, who is playing the Marian Mercer part, and garnered all the rave notices away from Miss Kristin Chenowith, has outstipped Krisitn by landing a Tony nod--whereas Kristin did NOT. Catfight! Bitchfest! Do NOT even go near that place tonight, girls!

It is really time for Kristin to wise up. This is her death knelll, the signal that she is THROUGH on Broadway!!!!! She can't hold a candle to a genius like Audra McDonald, and that perky act cannot last forever! Hell, it is not even right for the show she is in, and she knows it. But Little Miss Broadway Piglet wants the money!!!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, darlings! I may be a bitch, but I really have nothing against Kristin. She is talented enough, but not stellar; she is overrated.
But I am staying out of the theater district tonight, because if you think there was trouble on Saturday night with the alledged terrorist, it will be nothing compared to the Wrath of Kristin!!!!!!

In the meantime, lambs, I have had a genuine bite from Match.com. Maybe it will mean just coffee, but at least it is a start. I have a phone number, and will make that call this evening. I will report on it every step of the way, darlings, and if there IS a wedding you will get a full report!!!!!!

Meantime, I have to start lobbying for next year when maybe I WILL finally get a Tony nomination!!!!!

Lots of luck to all the nominees. Who would have thought Scarlet Johnannsen would have been among them!

See you on the aisle, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, You Have To See It To Believe It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I am talking about "The Human Centipede," now at the IFC, which is sure to be one of the film highlights of this year. Picture this--a rainstorm, two scantily clad young girls, in heels, arrive at a house, dripping wet, clothes clinging--hey, you would have to go back to Roger Corman for this. The mad German scientist, the homeliest guy you can imagine says "I don't like humans." He wants to turn his imprisoned specimens into a human centipede, conencted by mouth to anus. I am telling you, girls, when the shit scene comes--look out!!!! This will be the hit of the Fringe Festival when it is turned into a musical in a few years! I guarantee it!!!!!

Had a lovely eve at Dignity last night, although my target was not there. Oh, well there is next week. Tonight, Harvey is the hottest ticket in town, and we are all trouncing down to 23rd Street to hear him. Wednesday I am seeing "Memphis," so the week is lining up for a full one!!!

Poor Lynn Redgrave. Just saw her recently at Paper Mill--who would have thought? A great, talented actress. How sad.

So let's drink a Bloody Mary and more to Lynn! And, darlings, youh haev GOT to see "The Human Centipede." Wait till you see the scene on the front lawn!!!!

Just FABULOUS, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Tra La It's May!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, girls, I HOPE when you got out of bed this morning, you reached for your CD of the Original Cast Recording of "Camelot" and played Julie Andrews' (circa 1960, a whole half century, loves!) flawless rednition of "The Lusty Month Of May." May is the month that tells us the year is moving along--I reach my half birthday, flowers bloom--everything but my love life, girls. These trolls on Match.com seem to still want Titan Media models OR 1980s style twinkies like those who used to grace the cover of the now defunct IN TOUCH magazine. Me, I just want a real man to cuddle up to, go to events with, and...ummmm.., those quiet evenings at home. Imagine curling up on the couch and watching "Rosemary's Baby." We would be SO snug and cozy--just like the Castevets, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, if I WAS like the Castevets, I would cast a spell to drive someone to me. But no power there. So I must be content with looking FABULOUS, while getting through the work day, maybe a Bloody Mary tonight or tomorrow, a meal this eve, and sometime I HAVE GOT to see "The Human Centipede," this sick art film about a scientist who wants to turn people into said title. Darling, this could be the campiest thing since "Sssssssss......" or it could be, like the critics said, as grizzly as "Audiition." Personally, I think it is somewhere in between. But I will be sure to report on it loves, as well as repot on love if indeed I ever get any!!!!

There is still tomorrow at Dignity and if I am lucky enough to have said person there next eve, I am going to STRIKE. It should be interesting girls, so stay tuned!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, you ALL are as fabulous as I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!