I Had A Dream, Girls!!!!!!

.....And it was simply Divine, darlings, in the tradition of Jennifer Jones and "The Song of Bernadette."

We used to have this lovely woman here at work named Fran, who was a saint!
I mean, Mary, Queen of All, hangs out with her, and visits on weekends. And Fran looks like a cross between Grace Kelly and Tippi Hedren in "The Birds," without being attacked.

In my dream, I was combing my hair, properly dressed, when Fran appears to me on a cloud, in the tradtion of the Annunciation, and decrees, "You will get a husband!" She doens't give his stats, or say when this will take place, but she offers hope! So all I can do is wait. I just hope it happens soon, because, as the line in "A Chorus Line" goes, "These bodies do not last for ever!" and I want to still have something to offer!

Make sure you have soemthing to offer, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Had A Dream, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Spy Wednesday, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me make this perfectly clear, darlings--this is not a day to promote voyeurism, so make sure you keep those window shades pulled down, and do not go poking your eyes into those whose are kept up!

With just two days to go till Good Friday, and the Anniversary of My Mother's Death, all sorts of resentments which never got buried are simmering to the point where I am feeling like the Hudson sisters. And in their case, I know exactly whom I would run down, and why. I just pray this bitch mood lifts, though it should, what with book club tonight at Audrey's, working at the Center with Tynisha and Mike tomorrow eve, and the possiblity of something on Friday, girls, which I will not tell you about till it happens!!!!!

But just when you feel you are done with the past, it has a way of creeping back. So I may have to do a Bloody Mary before Friday. In the meantime, I have to plan my Easter Bonnett, and decide what I am going to do about Easter--brunch or dinner, and with whom. Holidays are a time of social decision making, girls, so never forget that.

And next weekend, I can look forward to seeing Patti LuPone in conert at the Performing Arts Center in Newark, proof that perhaps my future may include a triumphant return to New Jersey, where I march into whatever town, like Elizabeth Taylor in "Cleopatra."

Now, isn't that a nicer image, than being a bitch. Wish I could cast a spell like Elizabeth Montgomery, though I am more like Serena, darlings. In the meanitme, get yourselves ready for tomorrow, which is Maundy Thursday, and watch out today for whomever spies on you!!!!!

Wink, wink, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make Way For Ba-Babette! The Darling Of The Mayfair Set!!!!!!

Girls, you know after my Esca adventure this past weekend, I am certainly destned to be the darling of the Mayfair set. But right now, we are in the midst of Holy Week, what with Spy Wednesday tomorrow, then Maundy Thursday (Happy Maundy Thursday, eveyone!), followed by Good Friday and Holy Saturday. And I don't even have an Easter bonnett, and no brunch reservation. You can bet I won't be calling Babbo's anytime soon, unless Mario Batalli puts out for me!!!!!!

Would you believe that I was awakened out of a sound sleep at 2:15 am, when my phone rang? Girls, what drama!!! Thinking it was some random perv, I let the message pick up, but no one talked!!!! This morning, I star 69'ed and found an 847 area code, which is Chicago, but no one I am familiar with. Imagine my shock when my friend David, who lives in Chicago, rang me up at 7:30 am to inform me he was in the hospital!!!!! And with June Havoc having just passed on! Something about low blood sugar--a drop to 30. I am telling you, David had better stay put and get observed, because I do not need another loss on the heels of my other David!!!!!

I'd have been better staying in today and being a domestic goddess, what with the weather the way it is! But I have to meet Julia tonight to pick up some items, and then we are all gathering tomorrow eve at Audrey's!!!!!! So it looks like Holy Week may be Holy, but it will be jumping!!! Typical of my life, girls!!!!

This coffee date is in the offing; it may happen on Friday, in which case it really would be a Good Friday! In any case, girls, I have to shop for an Easter Bonnett, so make sure you all look your grandest in the Easter Parade on Sunday!!!!!!

Peter Cottontail, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, You Won't Believe The Weekend I Have Had!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's start with Friday, girls! Thaere I was all day at work, furiously on the phone, in between doing what I had to do, desperately trying to get a table at Babbo's!!!! I mean, everyone I know--Audrey, Erica, Janice, Annette, Daisy--has been there, I just HAD to go. Not since being not invited to the Roberta Inner Circle in my hometown have I felt so excluided.

Well, let me tell you, dolls, when I finally got through, you know what they had the nerve to tell me? That if I wanted to come by some night and sit at the bar, I could nosh on whatever they served. In other words, if you are single--yet another reason to decry my not having a husband--they do NOT want to place you at a table. Saying thank you as politely as I could, I hung up. I have a good mind to call Mario Battalli. I bet after I gave him a good blow job, he would be more than happy to seat my anywhere at Babbo's. Hell, for that, the whole thing might be on the house!

So, Saaturday morning, as a result, I awoke feeling like Miss Bitch! Only THIS bitch decided to do something about it, honeys. I called their competer, Esca, on 43rd Street in the Theatre District. They were more than happy to accomodate me, and when I arrived, darlings, they greeted me by name, and treated me as royalty. I am talking about Queen For A Day, girls!!!!! My server was so cute I am sure he would have dropped his drawers for me, but I was a gentleman. He asked me if I was gong to the theater, which I told him was funny, because, darlings, when I am in that part of town, that is usually the reason I am there. But, no, I cheerfully told him my time was my own, and that THIS was to be my theater that day. Well, I was served the most scrumptious meal.

It started with a calamari grilled in lemon butter sauce, stuffed with couscous, and laced with greens. Fabulous, girls! My main course was a zesty rigatoni in a spicy red artichoke sauce with real artichoke hearts and gulf shrimp. It was from heaven, girls, and a lot spicier than some of my dates!!!!!! Two healthy glasses of Montepulciano accompanied this feast, followed by a caramel gelato with whipped cream, over which was poured a cup of espresso!!! If this was LSD, I would have been on some trip, loves!!!! And then some Espresso to drink, capped off by `tow surgar cookies. I mean, what a meal. I was completly done in; if I had been Anna Wintour, I don't think I could have returned to the office. So this Anna went back home, slept, and then hit the night life in Manhattan.

I suppose this will teach Babbo's a lesson. And the lesson I impart to you, girls, is do not let these serving scurvies push you around! If they give you the heave-ho, go somewhere else. Or do what I plan to do, and give Mario head.

THEN I will have more than Babbo's to report on girls! Stay tuned till further notice. And pray I get a coffee date soon!!!!!

Happy Holy Week, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Darlings, That Girl Is TOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, loves, I am NOT talking about Marlo Thomas as Ann Marie, whom you all know I wanted to be, back in the 60s. I am talking about that overrated and now professionally finished ex-comedienne named Megan Mullaly, and her disgraceful behavior toward Joe Mantello and Patton Oswald on "Lips Together, Teeth Apart."

Who does Miss Thing think she does appointing herself judege and executioner, and trying to get Oswald repalced on the basis of lack of stage experience? Are we Meryl Streep, Megan? Not exactly, dear. And now her ego will be so inflated to think she has the power to shut down stage productions. This woman is looking good for next Thurday's Bitch of the Week entry, and you can bet after pulling this routine, with all the union charges and Equity citations pending--THIS BROAD WILL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, do we need someone whose self-absorption is so projected into her fictional character of Karen that she cannot funciton in the theater community. Bitch, get off my stage, is what I say. Take it back to Hollywood, and before you know it, if you keep this up, you will be a washed up, faded hooker on Hollywood and Vine.

But you are DONE in this town, Megann, do you hear me?? DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Have NO Idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when you think you have heard everything, darlings, just when I reach a point where I actually think "What am I going to write about tomorrow," something gets handed to one on a silver platter.

Last night, dears, I dined at my friend Audrey's. Now, I will have you know Audrey has been to Babbo's, so she must have a better personal assistant than I. Not only that, she has been there with her stunning and brilliant sister Erica, who is none other than the Jewish Blythe Danner. That is Blythe, and NOT Gwyneth, because as we know that Gwyneth cannot hold a candle to looks or talent when it comes to her mother.

So, anyway, Audrey and I were dining, the wine flowed....at least down my parched throat, girls, when I find out the News of the Week--Audrey is preganat!!!!!!

Girls, I am telling you, this is SO exciting. I have to start scouting private schools and campaigning to get this mentioned in "W." And, believe me, before I am through, it will be. So stay tuned, dolls, because we shall chronicle the coming of this child, which is to arrive sometime in August. And, of course, you know, darlings, I will have this baby right along with Audrey. I will probably have to be wheeled screaming on a gurney next to her in the delviery room!!!!!!

But before that happens, darlings, I will need a Bloody Mary by day's end, especially if I cannot get a table at Babbo. And today at work marks the end of an era and even more crucial the Departure of Glamour. For we say a fond farewell to those two social doyennes, Janice and Annette. Their hearts are young and gay! From now on they will be free to dine at the Four Seasons, fly to Aruba on a whim, and go transcontinental designer shopping whenever they so desire. See how tempting retirment is, darlings!! Alas, for here it will mean the Departure of Glamour. Not only that, but I am expected to carry on that tradition. Well, at least I know my designers, girls.

Speaking of which, whatever Audrey's child is--male or female--that child si going to get a gift subscription to VOGUE, and is going to know instantly the difference between Louis Vuitton and Berkin!!!!!!!!!

Make sure YOU know the differnce, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!