Darlings, I Finally Slapped That Bitch Martha!!!!!!

Girls, my first report of 2011, recounts something I so proudly did during the last few days of 2010.

Thursday eve, I met David after work, and we went shopping at Macy's. What an abundance of riches, girls, because, in addition to the gift certificates I received this year, there were some I had never used!!!! Honey, I marched into that store with $500, free and clear!!!!! We bought some fabulous stuff to enhance my Princess Bed, then, Monsieur got in line to deal with things a Princess cannot--payment and re-activating expired and unused gift certificates!!!!!!

What happened next, loves, was not planned; it just happened!!!!!! While Monsieur was in line, I wandered about, when what should I see on one wall but a big, ugly pinup picture of that fat cow, Martha Stewart. I was in the section that housed the Martha Stewart collection, and I suddenly felt like Wing-Tip, the Spick, transported back to the Village of Liver and Onions!!!!! I snapped, and my inner compulsion took over, so I walked up to the giant image of Martha and--I slapped that bitch across the face!!!!!!!

Darlings, I felt SO good!!!! So you know what????? I did it again!!!!!!
Then I laughed!!!!!! I can tell you, Monsieur did not approve, and I heard about it afterwards. But I am telling you, it was worth it!!!!!! I also heard from Monsieur--and I did not see this--that while I did this, two people within viewing range actually applauded!!!!! I bet they were either disgruntled Macy employees, or, more important, disgruntled employees of Martha Stewart!!!!! Can you blame them!!!!!

I think everyone should be entitled to take a swipe at Martha!!! I am hoping Macy's leaves the image up after the Holidays, so that everyone can avail themselves of the same pleasure I had!!!!!!

So that is my first report of the year--slapping Martha Stewart!!!!! Can things only go up from here!!!!! Let us hope so!!!!!

Up, up and away, darlings!!!!!!!!!