Darlings, When You Are Gay, Lifestyle Choices Are Tough!!!!!!!!

Especially for my less initiated girls, let me tell you, being gay is not just A lifestyle, as some would say. It is an amalgamation of lifestyles that amounts to a kind of sane version of schizophrenia!!!!!!!

Here is what I mean. We all have our icons. And we all want on some level to BE them. But with so many icons to choose from, the choice is impossible, so that it becomes fragmented, and, honey, we just don't know what to do.

Speaking for myself, loves, sometimes I dance out of bed, wanting to be Donna McKechnie. Or I am strumpeting across the room, like Rue McClanahan!!!!!! Or I am Sheila in "A Chorus Line," doing "At The Ballet." Then there is BARBRA--an entire lifestyle in itself!!!! Or Patti!!!!!! Or Mamma Rose!!!!!!!!

See what I mean, darlings????? And it gets more complicated. The other day, I pulled a book called "Setting The Scene," about the great Hollywood art directors, and there was this delicious shot from Universal's 1931 "Dracula, of the Three Vampire Women (or as a male peasant says in the beginning, "Dwacoola und his wiiiives!!!!") choreographically advancing in unison towards the unconscious Renfield (the great Dwight Frye) while Bela as Dracula is superimposed against a floor to ceiling sized door/window, calling them off. The women's veils are stretched out perfectly behind them, the fog is rolling in, and the black and white cinematography is so creamy, elegant and atmospheric, it conjures up the very atmosphere of the Bram Stoker novel.

Honey, this "Dracula" is the most sexualized vampire film ever!!!! The Three Vampire Women are in thrall to Dracula, but they will willingly slobber over any man, judging by their hunger for Renfield. The presence of that armadillo, and their traveling always as a pack, speaks of lesbianism among themselves. And Dracula here has his predilections too; he may be straight, a bigamist to boot, but he is not about to pass up a handsome male neck!!!!! Guess he is bisexual. The one he really should have gone after in this film is David Manners' Jonathan Harker!!!!!
Now, he was HOT!!!!!!

The glamour of this shot is unmistakable, which suddenly awakened in me a desire to be one of Dracula's wives. Not that I ever had the hots for Bela (the only vampire film that ever got to me that way was the 70's porn classic "Dracula Sucks!", where the Count goes for more than throat, lambs!!!!!), but to get to wear those Thrities flapper-like hairstyles, and those gorgeous gossamer gowns...MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

And this desire just came out of nowhere, which shows that when you are gay, one never knows!!!!!!! As Lyon Burke said, in "Valley Of the Dolls!", "For every Helen Lawson, there is an Ethel Merman, or a Mary Martin!" Honey, Lyon knew!!!!!!
Especially, in the scene where she (Helen) is doing "I'll Plant My Own Tree," and a wistful Lyon says to Anne, "Offstage, I hate her, but onstage I'm madly in love with her!" I am telling you, the look Barbara Parkins as Anne gives him at that point is priceless; Anne may be naive in other ways, but here, honey, she certainly knows the score!!!!!!

So, from Vampires to Divas, being gay is about self invention that can change at a moment's notice!!!!! I want all my girls out there today to go out and reinvent yourselves, as many times as you like!!!!! It will make your gayness feel so empowering!!!!!!

Sink your fangs into this, darlings!!!!! Bite me!!!!!!!!