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Oh, my Beloved Darlings!!!!!! I cannot believe what I am about to report to you, and let me first say I am not at all happy about it!!!!! What is more, Theater Queens across the land will be ENRAGED, as they should be!!!!!!!
But most of all, poor Patti Lupone. The girl just can't seem to get an even break. First, she wins the role of a lifetime in "Evita," winning a Tony Award and becoming a Legend Of The Musical Stage, BUT then gets eclipsed by BARBRA (you know who that is, girls!) who releases a single of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina!" before Patti opens on Broadway, and the Original Cast Recording is released. THEN there is a film version, and that ho' Madonna steps in!!!
OK, that was "Evita." Years later Patti is back working with Mr. Andrew Lloyd Blubber in another singular, world beating role, Norma Desmond in the musical version of "Sunset Boulevard". She knocks herself out in London, queens are flying over left and right; who cares what the London critics said, that is Our Patti!!!!
While those of us who could not fly over were salivating to see and hear Patti do it on Broadway, as her contract stipulated!!!!!! But then Mr. Weber Blubber had to get greedy; so he opens another production in Los Angeles prior to Broadway, featuring Miss Alex "Fatal Attraction" Forrest herself, Glenn Close, in the role!!!!!
And before anyone can say "Dangerous Liaisons," Glenn is the Toast of Tinseltown, and now Blubber wants to jettison Patti in favor of Golden Glenn!!!!!!
Listen, has anyone taken a look at Glenn, lately???? She has NOT aged well!!!! And doing "South Pacific" at 50, while looking 65, not to mention she is not a world class musical theater singer (unlike Patti, or the one and only Nellie, Mary Martin!!!!). So Glenn comes to Broadway as Norma, gets glory, a Tony Award, while poor Patti gets screwed again!!!!!! But at least she got that fabulous settlement and pool!!!!! Patti, make no mistake, The Raving Queen is in YOUR corner!!!!!!
Now, it is happening AGAIN!!!!!! Just recently, Patti scored the Triumph Of A Lifetime, and fitting revenge for the 'Sunset' debacle, when she starred as Rose in the galvanizing revival of "Gypsy!" I was one Theater Queen, darlings, who had waited for years for Patti to play this, because I knew that, next to moi, darlings, she is SO right for it!!!!!! She was GREAT!!!! What a career cap!!!!! I mean, she practically had Arthur Laurents eating out of her hand, like the unicorn placing its head on the Virgin, and, honey, you know Arthur ain't no unicorn or virgin!!!!!!!
But Patti stands to be screwed again!!!!! Well, I will not tolerate it!!! But wait till you hear this. With everyone still fired up over Patti's "Gypsy," talk has turned to a film remake, because the Roz Russell 1962 tuner is almost (can you believe it???) 50 years old!!!!!! So, who do they want to get for Rose in this????
Patti?????? Are you kidding, girls??????
No, they want to get BARBRA. No, let me correct myself--BARBRA wants to get BARBRA!!!!!! And that ass kissing whiner Laurents is now fawning all over BARBRA, like Patti never even existed!!!! Hell, fuck him!!!! No, wait; don't; because, at nearly 100, who would want to, not to mention hemorrhoids!!!!!
You know, this might not have been a bad idea 40 years ago, but NOW???? Have you looked at BARBRA lately???? She has gotten so fat from doing nothing but remaining in a vertical position, scarfing down Hagen Dasz ice cream, while Mr. Streisand, James Brolin, earns his keep, by eating her pussy!!!!!!!! The whole thing is DISGUSTING!!!!!! BARBRA looks DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!! But I have to admit she is following something of a career tradition. Back in 1969, when she did "Hello, Dolly!" she played a role much too old for her; now, she is going the other way, playing one much too YOUNG!!!! I mean, she is supposed to be the Mother of Babies June and Louise???? Grandmother is more like it!!!!!! If you follow the story's trajectory, with Barbra playing Rose, by the time you get to the final Dressing Room Confrontation preceding "Rose's Turn", the woman, as played by Babs, should be in a Nursing Home by now!!!!!!!! Come on; who are they kidding????? And that weaseling, sniveling Arthur Laurents, saying with BARBRA age does not matter, and other bullshit; throw him in a nursing home!!!!! No wonder I could not finish his crappy autobiography!!!!!!!
Remember how disastrous the Bette Midler made-for TV version was???? And you would have thought she was made for the role , but she wasn't. But when they had the nerve to cut sections of the Overture--one of the greatest instrumental Theater pieces--I knew this was bogus. God knows what they will do to it with BARBRA!!!!!
Let me tell you, girls, if BARBRA plays Mamma Rose, I might as well play Baby/Dainty June. Then Monsieur and I could do the Caroline The Cow Number!!!!!!
And I could certainly do June, especially with geriatric BARBRA doing Rose!!!!!!
I would love to know what Mr. Brolin's son, hottie Josh, thinks of all this!!!!! It is known he and La Strident do NOT get along; he must feel so sorry for his poor father!!!! From "Marcus Welby, M.D.," to Amoco, to THIS!!!!!! Let me tell you, darlings, Josh may be STRAIGHT, but even HE has sense enough to know this is one "Gypsy" that should not get off the ground. The fortune predictor on this one is BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like my role model, Neely 0'Hara, always said, "I know it's a rotten business.....but I LOVE it!!!!!"
BARBRA, after nearly half a century in the biz it is time to tell you.........Get Over Yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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