It Should Have Been Called "Scram, Pretty Peggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                             Pull up with your coffee cups, girls, because I am going to be talking about the 1973 Made For TV clunker called "Scream, Pretty Peggy," with a cast that defies everything--Ted Bessell as sculptor Jeffrey Hamilton, Sian Barbara Allen (oh, my God, remember her?????) in the title role, and, thank God, Bette Davis, as Mrs. Hamilton.  Pay attention to the first two minutes of the movie, where a young girl flees the house, only to be murdered, by a mysterious blond woman in a white granny night gown.  The woman victim--making her debut as Agnes Thornton, who had the housekeeping job before Peggy, and obviously discovered the secrets of Hamilton House, and was off to reveal all--is none other than--are you ready?????--Tovah Feldshuh!!!!!!!!!!  I kid you not!  I had to watch the scene twice, to make sure I was right!  But, as the knife is plunged into her, and she falls back, it can be clearly seen, this is none other than Tovah.

                              There was no originality in this film, save for Davis showing how she can even brighten the line readings of crappy dialogue. The recipe for this film is like one of Kathy Mitchell's Dump Cakes.

                       Take--3/4 cup "Psycho"
                                  1/4 cup "Die! Die! My Darling!"
                                  1/4 cup "House Of Wax"

                         Bake, edit, and the results are "Scream Pretty Peggy!"

 

                            Watching a train wreck can be fascinating, because there are so many things wrong with this movie, most of the time, one watches in complete stupefaction.  After Tovah's bravura performance as murder victim, Agnes Thornton, deficits come into play. Sian Barbara Allen, whose career I do not understand (she must have had some connections to get to where  she even got, which was not very far!!!!!!!!!!) starts out being annoying, with hereovertly youthful act and innocuous, girly voice that suggests she picked this up from somewhere, and this is her idea of playing young.  She is not at all attractive--plain as hell!!!!!!!!!--but looks like she could pass for a college student!

Born in 1946, she was all of 27 when she made this mess, an indication her career was in some kind of trouble.

                              This is a movie about insanity, where the only sane person in the whole house turns out to be Bette Davis!  Now, that is saying a lot!  By the way, if you actually care about seeing this, don't read further, because this post will be chock full of spoilers. I don't feel at all guilty talking about them, because they can been seen coming a mile away.  But, for those who care, consider yourselves forewarned.

                              Something is definitely wrong with Peggy. Not only with that innocuous girl act she pulls, her neediness, her desire to help, which are all annoying, she is willing to take the housekeeping job at 75 cents an hour, when the minimum wage in the film is $1.65!!!!!!!!  However, Peggy is also nosy and pushy, which gets her the salary increase, even if she has designs on Ted Bessell.

                                Anthony Perkins must have screamed "NO!" when handed this script.  I don't blame him. But couldn't someone better than Bessell--the most bland reporter and boy friend when he played Donald Hollinger on "That Girl," with Marlo Thomas--have been cast????? At least there, he  looked trim and well groomed, his Brillo pad hair perfectly coiffed. Here, he is frumpy, a bit overweight, and his hair looks decidedly unkempt, which is his way of conveying that he is both an artist, and maybe a psycho!

                                   His art work is a tip off to his insanity--the most macabre things seen on camera, but also the most creative part of this production. The source of the sculptures are none other than those unfortunates who happen to hang around at the Hamiltons too long, and get murdered. This is where the "House Of Wax " reference comes in.

                                     As for "Die! Die! My Darling," Bette Davis plays it both ways. On one hand she is a frail old woman, who needs her son to take care of her; on the other hand, this old gal has more strength and resourcefulness than her son and that nitwit, Peggy!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Here is the grabber.  Mrs. Hamilton gave birth to fraternal twins, Jeffrey and Jennifer.  The daughter, seen in glimpses, is played by Chritiane  Schmidtmer, but when I saw silhouettes of her in the window at night, I began to wonder--is there really a Jennifer, or is someone impersonating her???????  Jeffrey professes great love for his sister, who, he first says, abandoned the family for Europe, then admits is kept in an apartment over the family garage, because she is insane, though not violent, and they did not want to commit her.  But dead bodies keep turning up, and Peggy is too naive to catch on, no matter how many times Bette Davis, in a rather sympathetic role, tries to warn her.

                                       You see, Bette knows the whole truth, which she has been trying to protect Peggy from.  She explains how Jeffrey and Jennifer were fraternal twins, and that she was not the greatest of mothers, so the two had each other to depend on.  As they grew into adulthood, Jeffrey came to nurse incestuous feelings for his sister, which were not reciprocated.  In fact, Jennifer had met a man, whom she intended to marry. This sent Jeffrey over the edge of sanity, and so he killed his sister.  But, mentally, he cold not handle the guilt, so, like Norman Bates, his personality split into Jeffrey, the sculptor, and Jennifer. He would dress as Jennifer, walk about like her, as a way of keeping her alive, and in his life.  But, if Jeffrey got too interested in someone of the opposite sex, "Jennifer" would step in, and do something about it!  Now, this could have been really camp, but the climax is done so ineptly it does not even rise to that level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I wish I could say the picture seen at the start, of Ted Bessell in drag, is the final shot of the film.  It actually, should have been.  But it's from a "That Girl" episode where Donald was doing some kind of undercover story, and had to dress as a woman.    Maybe the makers of this film saw that episode, and realized how ugly Bessell is in drag, or maybe Bessell was too homophobic, as I actually suspect, to play the last scene as required.

                                           The scene has whiny Peggy wandering all over the house, calling for Jeffrey, who is nowhere to be seen.  She finds him, hidden behind some canvass; he turns, and, with lipstick badly smeared across his face--a sure sign of a straight man who does not know how to do drag--says in a voice too masculine to be convincing, "I am Jennifer."  He then arises, dressed in the Granny gown, carrying a wig in one hand, the knife in the other. He advances toward Peggy, but, just as soon as he is going to lunge and attack her, a shot rings out. Bette saves the day, shooting her insane son dead, even though it looks like she will have no one to take care of her.  

                                             That, fundamentally is the end.  As Bette said in a biography, this film was so terrible, Peggy never even screamed.  Not once!  But had the film ended my way, it would have been a bit more lively.

                                             With her son out of the way, and the secret really no longer a secret, Bette walks over to a table, and starts up a record player, which begins to play the De Vol rock song heard twice--outside the Bates house, and on the beach--in "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?"  That melody, in fact, became the title tune which Bette made a recording of, and performed on some talk shows. She and Peggy dance to this, as the camera pulls back for a long shot, as the drums roll ominously and pound out the discordant notes, as in the 1962 film, of "I've Written A Letter To Daddy."  Now, THAT would have been fabulous, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          

                                             And here is Bette doing the song!  Wouldn't it have been great if 'Peggy' had ended with Sian and Bette dancing to this???????????????

                                              "Blaaaaaaaaaanche, would'ja speak to this man from Johnson's??????"