Well, Girls, It Is Certain!!!!!!

Yes, darlings, Amy Adams--OUR Amy--is pregnant. Which means we are all going to get behind Amy and have that baby with her. Except that there is some DOUBT about the parentage. Most think her fiancee, handsome Darren Le Gerro (and he BETTER be handsome, if he is going out with our Amy, and treat her well) is the father, but I favor the theory that the baby is actually Meryl Streep's. After all, if Meryl wants fo father a child by Amy Adams then she will, because nothing is impossible for Meryl. And wouldn't it be fabulous, girls, if it WAS Meryl's baby? Twice the beauty and talent.

Tomorrow we have a big day what with a snowstorm and family plans--of course--to see "Finnian's Rainbow" with my 94 year old father, I just hope things turn out OK. Just like I hope my love life does, but unfortunately there seem to be these little blips that appear on my life like a radar screen and then disappear but do not materialize. I want my wedding, my gown--by Vera Wang, you better believe it!, and my suburban house in Great Neck Long Island. Am I asking too much, I just want this, and a book and movie deal? And to tell certain people who need to be told off!!!! Alas, tonight it is just dinner with Girls, and then reading and bed. And then people tell me they want my fabulous life!!! Well, honey, it's not for sale, but let me just say--fabulousness comes with a price!!!!!!

Darlings, We Just Had To Get Out The Flannel Nightie!!!!!!!!!!

Welll girls, you would not believe it, but by the time I got home to my parlor on Saturday night, the temperature had dropped so, the wind was howling like "Wuthering Heights," and I was so frigid I had to warm up with tea and a shower. That is when I made the decision to sleep in my green flannel nightie, and darlings, let me tell you, I felt so warm and toasty. Not nearly as toasy as cozing with a man, but in this instance the flannel would do. I thought some men I would like to cuddle with, particularly Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal, who I hear is just stunning in the movie "Brothers" which I am just bursting at the pants seams to see!!!! And the great acting, too!

Lambs, the word on the street is that Amy Adams--yes, OUR Amy--is pregnant!!!! Now, I refuse to believe this until I hear from Amy herself. I mean, does Meryl know about it? Has anyone talked to her? One thing for sure--IF Amy IS preganat, you had better believe it is an Immaculate Conception because like La Divine Meryl Amy is PURE and is not going to go through that birthing baby stuff!!!! But you just know the baby will be the most beautiful and brilliant, coming from Miss Amy Adams, so until I hear from Amy I will refrain from any more observations, but when I do I will let you know!!!!!

And once again I am in for a long haul at work, thinking next week was my late night, when this evening is!!! Can you believe it???? So I am going to sign off, finish "The Children's Book," and get on with my life. Darlings, we have such a week, what with "Finnian's Rainbow" on Wednesday and the Metropolitan Christmas Tree on Friday, not to mention the possibility of seeing "The Lovely Bones" on opening day--I am telling you, at this time of year it just does not stop!!!!!

So stay tuned and behave, girls! And I promise the minute I hear confirmation from Amy, I will let you know!!!!!!

Darlings, How Am I Suppose To Get Through Life Without Any Cream Sauce????

I would much prefer some cream sauce, girls, but the past week has been a whirlwind of dramatic excitement, because, for starters, lambs, I actually thought I was going to die!!!! That is right. Since early this week I have had this pain under my left arm and around to my shoulder blade, and with my healthy outlook I instantly think heart attack or cancer. I am such an optimist, girls!!!!!! This morning, it is gone. Like a miracle, and I am certainly no Bernadette!!!! A colleague thought it might be stress, which it could certainly be, but maybe it is from too much slumping over a desk, which I have to do, darlings, not just to report to all my loves out there, but which I am required to do in order to get a paycheck. So it could just be physical wear.

And from the week I have had there has been both physical and emotional wear. You heard about the stunning retirement dinner, but you did not hear about the fabulous Reading Group Annual Christmas Party, hosted once again by Adam, with libations supplied by his partner, Joel. Every time I go to this event, I feel like Judy (Garland), girls, because Joel makes the best mai tais and he just piles them on. Judy would have been proud of all I drank--at least four mai tais, some glasses of wine, and two glasses of champagne. I certainly felt a song coming on, I can tell you, though of course Judy could outdrink any of us there. Hell, with her credentials she could have gotten a teaching post at any college of pharmacology in America!!!!!!! But the party was a huge success, and there were so many tasty treats, including this tender little thing called Derek, and wouldn't we just like to treat him to some of our tenderness, girls!!!! Well, as Judy would say, "You gotta have bells that'll ring; you gotta have songs that you sing!" So I will do my best girls.

But it is going to be a challenge. Because last eve, after recovering from the pressure of my week which resulted in a hangover/migraine/virus/all of the above, I still managed to make it out the door, where history was made at the Lincoln Square Barnes and Noble when two bloggers meant face to face--yours truly, girls, and Miss Bloggger herself, Julie Powell. Julie was promoting her new book, entitled "Cleaving--A Story of Meat, Marriage and Obsession," and she was just so charming in her Austin, Texas way, and she even answered my question. Now pay attention, everyone, because this is where the cream sauce comes in. I told her how influential her writing had been to me, as it made me realize that the Kitchen is the LAST chance I have to land a husband; and I have tried EVERYTHING else!!!!! So I asked Miss Julie, what is a sure fire romantic meal to land a husband. She laughed--and so did everyone--and then said a simple steak, with no cream sauces whatsoever. Honey, if Julie says it, I will abide. My original plan had been to feed my suitor into a cream filled stupor and then ravish him. Perhaps things will have to go more slowly. Nevertheless, if I do steak, I will do a good marinade. But Julie was charming and she signed my book, and off I went into the night, happy and content.

It did not stop there, loves. Then I was off to Brooklyn Heights and Gallery Audrey, where
the most fabulous array of paintings were on display by this artist who works with nothing but masking tape. Audrey and company got a full dose of me, darlings, when I announced that one figure, in bondage, looked like a pushy bottom. Now, I am sure many of you out there know what THAT means, and maybe you even are, but I had to explain this to all and sundry, who were hearing a chronicling of the gay S and M scene for the first time, and from someone who--now pay attention, girls, does NOT even participate in it!!!! But I have been around the block and know a few things. Remember, I am more the white gloves with tea and tartlets type. But Audrey's gathering was charming and low keyed in comparison with the night before, which is why, though I enjoyed it, I was wiped out, and said my goodbyes early, because this Cinderella was about to turn into a pumpkin. The party was ground breaking because never have I heard Audrey's father be so articulate; usually the poor man doesn't stand a chance, but he certainly made the most of the opportunity he had, and it was good to hear him.

Have I stopped? Are you kidding? After posting this, I have to complete my errands, head home, call Tom to meet him in the city for a 2:25 screening of "Fantastic Mr. Fox," featuring Meryl as one of the voices, then downtown to dinner with Harvey and the Girls!!!!!!!! Sweeties, you think it is easy being fabulous, but it is not, and when the body crashes, as it did the other day, boy does it crash.

But we are back on top, honeys, and ready for action!!! So stay tuned and pray that I actually get some!!!!!

So long, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, The New York Times Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!!

Well, not really, dears, but let me tell you, the preposterousness of this year's Ten Best Books of 2009 leaves much to be desired. Though let me say at least they weren't taken in by Jonathan Tropper's nonsense, entitled "This Is Where I Leave You." Could you imagine that book sharing the spot with Kate Walbert's "A Short History of Women?" Talk about setting off a war of political incorrectness. And why is there no short history of men? You want to know why, lambs? Because it was done back in the '60s as a caveman sitcom entitled "It's About Time." Let me tell you, "The Little Rascals" was more sophisticated!!!!!

Of course it is as much what is NOT on the list as what IS on it? Where the hell is "The Children's Book," by A.S. Byatt, because, though I am only two thirds of the way through, it is clearly the Literary Achievement of the Year!!!!! And that Lorrie Moore--talking about kissing the Times ass by playing up to the subject matter of the moment--right down to the 9/11 thing, darlings. I am sure you wrote a fabulous book, Lorrie, but so did Colum McCann, and where is he on this list????

Girls, if I published MY list it would outdo the Times with veracity and accuracy. I just might do that little thing, then. So while I am nibbling on tartlets and sipping tea, let me mull over some titles and get back to you. The New York Times, on the other hands needs a high grade colonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Such Fun We Had Last Night!!!!!!!

Sweethearts, last night retirement gala for our colleague Sara was more than one could hope. The wine flowed freely, resident photographer and successor to Annie Liebowitz, Tema, snapped incessantly, and the speeches were cogent and heartfelt, espcecially during this, to borrow from Dickens, "epoch of incredulity" we live in. You know the event was a success because it was attended by those two social doyennes of New York, Janice and Annette, whose stamp on a party guarantees it is the one to attend!!!! Forget Anna Wintour, girls, this is the duo that sets the social and fashion tones in this town!!!!!

It warmed the cockles of this blogger's heart, and it warmed Sara's, I could tell. But, darlings, I can feel the hands of time closing in. For although I am STILL--yes STILL--professionally 24, I can still remember when Sara's Danny was just a little bitty thing, and now he is all grown up!!!!!! Where has the time gone???? Thank God the price of moisturizer is still affordable!!!! And that I don't yet have to resort to a cream rinse!!!!!!

Deep In December, It's Nice To Remember....

Can you believe we are already into the 12th month of the year. 2009 is beginning to wind down and I for one will be glad to see it go. Not that there weren't some high spots, but it was a rather difficult time. And while 2010 may be so, at least for now it is an unknown quanitity.

Speaking of the unknown, girls, let me tell you--two Saturdays ago, after getting home from my friend Mike's party, and falling into a stupored sleep, I was awakened by a malignant presence I felt in my room. I turned to the left, and there was this withered looking crone, like the housekeeper from "House On Haunted Hill," glaring malevolently at me. She was in a spinster jumper dress with matching sleeves and socks, something like Kathy Bates' wardrobe as Annie Wilkes in "Misery." She did not seem friendly. Some friends feel I was visited by a ghost--now I ask you, why couldn't the ghost have been glamorous??? I mean, like Ava Gardner? Isn't glamour what I have tried to instill in all of you, my darlings, so you would think the spirit world would respond in kind. Alas. I cannot figure out if this signals my death or what. It certainly signals my love life, which for all intents and purposes is dead anyway, unless I cook a fabulous meal and land a husband. Heaven help me, are you hearing me??? Please, can't you hear me cry? Oh, well, enough with the Janis Joplin.

Tonight I have a retirement party to go to, and I am sure it will be the social event of this work place. And let me tell you, honey, this work place needs a social event, what with Christmas coming up. And tonight they light the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. Girls, I am telling you there is so much going on we hardly have time to curl our hair or do our nails. At least we are not forgetting to moisturize. I should have given some moisturizer to my ghostly vistior--hell, she needed it. Especially since she looked like hell. But we are going to look fabulous, girls; I threw on a new sweater this morning, so don't forget to tune in for a full report of tonight's proceedings, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Won't Believe The News I Have To Tell You!!!!!

Some things were just meant to be, I guess. There I was at my computer this morning, when by sheer accident, what should I discover but that Julie Powell herself is going to be at Barnes and Noble across the street from yours truly at Lincoln Center, reading from her new book, "Cleaving--A Story of Meat, Marriage and Obsession." So on Friday two famous bloggers are going to come face to face, and darlings I promise to give a blow by blow account of things right here. What I am hoping Julie can do, in addition to signing my book, is tell me what is the perfect meal to snare a husband, because, honey, whatever she says I will cook it!!!!!

Isn't this exciting? And then after that I head to Audrey's for her gallery showing, and I am telling you this butterfly is scurrying all over the place. Now if I just had someone to scurry with.

Then I understand I am to have a special meeting tomorrow, which is supposedly not bad, but who am I kidding? So we will recount this, girls, it probably has to do with disturbed lesbians, or at least one particularly disturbed lesbian I know. Who happens to be disturbed NOT because she is a lesbian, but just because she IS DISTURBED!!!!!!

I know I have been promising an account of my ghostly visitiation and I will get to that soon, lambs, and in 2010 I want to liven things up here by incorporating ficition. Now don't for a minute think that what you have been reading here all along is fiction, though some may claim that. This is my life, and it is the living truth!!!!! And if you don't like it, try passing the entrance exam at Miss Porter's!!!!

So now I have to get home tonight and figure out what I am going to wear to face Julie on Friday. Maybe there will be vodka gimlets!!!! I need something, darlings, that is for sure!!!! At least a frozen margaritta with salt!!!!!!

Hope all your margarittas are salted, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!