Darlings, "We're Sailin' Home, So, Rosie, Dear, Bring Chicken Soup Down To The Pier!!!!!!!!!!!"

Girls, you are not going to believe what I heard last night. I mean, it violates philospophy and ethics. There I was at a gathering of gay men--GAY men, mind you!--and this one guy says how he went on a date Saturday night, and the two of them went to the movies. They went to see "Funny Girl" at the Ziegfeld. Perfect; what could be a more perfect dating movie for two GAY men. But then he said that the guy he was dating had NEVER seen it???

Excuse me???? I mean, I was so horrified, I screamed! How can you be gay and NOT have seen "Funny Girl." Darlings, this was the film that made so many of us want to be Barbra, because it told us, that, like her, we could be stars, simply coming out of nowhere. It made me write the Barbra Song--to the tune of "People!"

Barbra!
We want to be Barbra!
She's the luckiest Barbra in the world.
We're children, playing Barbra's records.
And yet letting our grown up pride,
hide all the need inside.
Acting more like Barbra than Barbra.
Barbra's a very special Barbra.
She's the luckiest Barbra in the world.
With one Barbra! One very special Barbra!
A feeling deep in your soul.
Says you were half, now you're whole.
No more hunger and thirst.
But, first, be a gay man who needs Barbra!
Gay men who need Barbra,
Are the luckiest People in the world!

Yes, lambs, Barbra has made me what I am, why I am the greatest star, etc.
Do you honestly think for one moment I would date a guy who has NEVER seen "Funny Girl?" Do you think such a guy is actually GAY? Of course not!!!!!

I mean, how much world horror can we stand, girls!!!!!

And Happy Ash Wecnesday to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Shrove Tuesday, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost forgot to congratulate everyone on here--we have made it, darlings to yet ANOTHER Shrove Tuesday. Eat your pancakes tonight, loves. I plan to eat mine this evening at the world famous Malibu--where the elite meet to eat!!!!! Join me if you wish for this celebrity studded event!!!!!

See you later, girls!

Darlings, Sometimes It Takes Serial Killers And Death To Bring You Back From Being A 'Baby Jane' Bitch!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I haven't been on here in awhile, you must have been famished, my darlings for news. Well, I have plenty.

Top story is that Saturday eve I found that my friend David lost his year long battle with cancer. Interestingly for me, loves, he died on the morning of February 11--which is the date, back in 1858, that Bernadette Soubirous--Bernadette, not Jennifer Jones, loves!--had her initial vision. So I am convinced that Bernadettte and Jennifer came to take David--and that Mary Martin was waiting for him on the other side, for reasons that will be known only to David and now myself.

Still, we kept busy darlings--that Italian chicken stew is stretching for miles, and so is the wine, proof postive I am NOT an alcoholic, girls! Though with all I have lived through it is a wonder that I am NOT. We have seen so far two out of the three films of the Red Riding Trilogy--England and serial killers, oh boy!--and they are something!!!! I cannot wait to see Part 3 and read the books!!!!!!!!!

Tonight I am meeting with Donna my tax person to get the papers. Then maybe by the weekend I can mail them out, which means I will not have to think about such things untill the start of 2011, if I am here. Fine with me, as I would rather NOT think about it at all!!!!!!

And didn't I have two of the strangest dreams over the weekend, loves!!!!!
The first had to do with past resentments, which harkened back to my recent viewing of 'Baby Jane'.'

The second involved my friend, Mark, whom, let me say right out, I am not interested in romantically. In the dream, I was over at his house and in his bed, wrapped glamorously in sheets, ala "Les Liasons Dangereuses." It is my dream, darlings, so of course I should look glamorous!!!! Mark was dressed in nothing but a pair of pink panties, and with us was his cat Noreen and a pink poodle. The poodle was tearing at Mark's panties with its teeth, girls, and Mark was all over me, hitting on me and begging me to finger Noreen's clit!!!!!! I mean, ME, finger a pussy's pussy! Whereupon I turned Mark over and slapped him silly, turned his cheeks beet red. Then I rammed him up against the wall, and with my hands bracing it, shoved my engorged member into his mouth. I am muttering the most vile imprecations, ordering him to service me or ELSE, which he enjoyed, and of course I erupted. Then I pulled out and slapped him silly, with my still enogroged member. When I awoke, you had better believe I was engorged and took things well in hand.
Oh, also during the dream, I pulled the poodle off Mark, took the panties out of the poodle's mouth, stuffed them into Mark's and threw the poodle through the window.

The 'Baby Jane' dream was like an outake from the "Boy Crazy" episode of "Cold Case," where I was in a hospital gown in some sexual orientation conversion program, which was trying to make me straight--ARE YOU KIDDING? In the dream this guy in a military getup was ordering me to lick a dirty plate clean, drink beer, and wipe it on my sleeve. I threw the beer and plate at him and told him to drink his own piss, which sympbolizes my contempt for ALL authority, especially pigs like Grotesque Creature, whom I may have to sit in on with tomorrow. In that case, she ought to have something jammed down her gullet and CHOKE ON IT, bitch!!!!!!!!

Guess there is still a wee bit of Baby Jane left in me. Oh, well, it is early in the week, and maybe my member will get some kind of satisfaction? Who knows, loves?

Hows's that, after a dry spell, girls????????????????????????

Darlings, A Good Time Was Had By All.........

.....at last night's Chelsea Classics screening of "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" with Hedda Lettuce hosting.

Girls, let me tell you this movie is in MY bloodstream--has been ever since it came out in 1962. Back then , at age 7, my father took me to a reissue of Disney's "Lady and the Tramp." I always wanted to stay and see the coming attractions--how else to glimpse adult fare then?--and 'Baby Jane' was playing the following week. The trailer, showing Better kicking Joan across the room and then standing menacing in the swinging doorway while a terrified Blanche looked over her shoulders, then went to torture, made an impression on ME. That evening, my parents went out, and though my grandmother was downstairs, taking care of me, I would not go to sleep because I was SO convinced that Bette Davis as Baby Jane was going to come through the door.

And the story, girls! It starts out in 1917, I yes, I am the DARLING of the vaudeville stage, and my litttle bitch sister Blanche has to accept her secondary status. Then that bitch turns out to manufacture crap that outdoes mine, makes me guilty over something SHE did, and brings it all on herself!!!!! I was the WRONBED ONE, darlings! I! I! I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In real life, this is a mantra for how I live in bitterness and resentment over the past. "I won't forget. You BET I won't forget!" Contrast this childhood that I wanted with one I HAD--having to bow to suburban bitches, and nursing resentments still to a constellation of them, including--
Mrs. Edith Compton
Mrs. Esther Cohen
Mrs. Mary Beinhower
Mrs. Ruth Bergen
Mrs. Norma Brodsky
Mrs. Elsie Behmer
Mrs. Raisle Feldman (7th Grade English)
Mrs. Susan Sher (7th Grade Math)
Mrs. Alice C. Santamraina (HS French)
Mrs. Gloria Shapiro-Schwartz (street bitch)
..........to name just a few!!!!!!!!! I have not forgotten or forgiven what they have done to me, and 'Baby Jane' fuels my rage for fame and vindication which they failed to give ME!!!! It is all about ME, darlings! ME! ME! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now my resentment is so manifest towards Grotesque Creature that if I have to bear any time in its presence next week I will lash out!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, darlings, you can see what a treat it was to see "What Ever Happeend To Baby Jane?" Maybe you had better avoid me for the next couple of days. Just give me a few, and then I am sure I will be back to being as sweet and pure as Amy Adams.

But meanwhile--

"I WON'T FORGET. YOU BET I WON'T FORGET!"

Darlings, We Looked SO FABULOUS Yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.........in our beige peigenoirs, as we curled on our divans, sipping cups of coccoa and coffee, reading Wilkie Collins with the wind howling and the snow racing outside!
Girls, every Wednesday should be like this, because right now we are so rested and perky we would exhaust even Amy Adams. But just in time for tonight, lambs--for this is the eve of the 'Baby Jane' screening at Chelsea with Hedda! Who knows, maybe a husband is waiting! You can be sure I will report to all my girls tomorrow on what went on there tonight. And it will be such fun to see that film on the screen--we haven't in awhile, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just to keep things in perspective, do you know that today is the 152nd anniversary of the apparition of Our Lady of Lourdes to Bernadette? Not Jennifer Jones, dolls, I am talking about the REAL Bernadette. And it happened on a Thursday, too, which means 2010 is opeating on the same calendar system as 1858!!! Where else but this blog, dears, would you learn such FACTS?????? This is why I am so needed, and why you need me. And I will keep trying to satisfy those needs, my pets!!! Now if only someone would satisfy mine!

Oh, well, we have 'Baby Jane' tonight, a 20 year anniversary engagement tomorrow, which I will report on, and still some of that fabulous stew left at home. Stay warm, darlings, are remember to cuddle up to your respecitve cash registers, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, You'll Find This Dance Is A-Outta Sight, To "When The Lion Sleeps Tonight!!!!!!!!"

Girls, February happens to be Black history month, so first of all let's kick back and do the Mashed Potato with Dee Dee Sharp!!!! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! It's the latest, it's the greatest! Come on, honey!

Dance with Dee Dee, read Toni Morrison and listen to the philosophical espousings of Angela Davis!!!!!!!!! Those of us who knew her in the Sixties knew she war Right On! then and she still is now!

My hormones must be out of whack these days, darlings, because some moments I feel so UP, othes down. Even if we get the day off tomrrow due to snow I will be stuck in my apt with nothing to do but read, which is fine, I suppsose, but how I would like to get to the IFC and see that marvelous serial killer trilogy, or to the Film Forum to see "Ran."

Today is Mia Farrown's birthday, which makes it papatable in comparison with one whose birthday it also is today, and who is someday gonna get their comeuppance!!!!!!!

And of course, after we danmce the Mashed Potato, what do we need after that?
"Gravy," of course! Gimme gimme gimme gimmme gravy tonight! Let us just wail away like Mahhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaalia Jackson and sing "We Shall Overcome!" Because, girsl there is so much to overcome just going from one day to the next.

But don't let this day get you down, darlings. Remember, girls, "Joan of Arc, with the Lord to guide her, she was a sister who really cooked!"

Cook this, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlilngs, Do Not Overlook That All Important First Relationship!!!!

And, girls, I am not even talking about romance or marriage here. I mean, even if I had a warm furry hunk next to me under the covers, he would have to understand that when the alarm goes off, my most important relationship is with my coffee pot and that first, intoxicating sip of cofee--caffeinated, darlings!!!! I mean, sometimes it can be better than an orgasm, lambs, and you know how much we know all about THAT. So take a deep breath and remember no matter what your martial status or lack thereof your relationship to your coffee is the most important one you have going!!!!

I am telling you, Amy Adams would have been so proud of me! I spent most of Saturday in the kitchen and made this fabulous Italian chicken vegetable stew, using diced tomatoes, sauce, what veggies I had on hand, chicken and a cup of red wine. And a box of orzo pasta!!!!! Sweethearts, I am telling you, it is a wonder Stanley Tucci did not come knocking on my door. Even he would have been impressed how just a year ago I was such a kitchen novice, and now I am cooking with wine. The sky is the limit, girls, just wait till we get to that beef bourgenon.

And to think this morning I was cruisied in MY neighborhood by two very desirable guys. I hope they appear again, so I can dazzle them with my culinary arts, and they maybe can dazzle me with their bedroom art, which honey, I would not at all mind being dazzled by. Meantime, I have my cooking,some wine, and Wilkie Collins to dazzle me, until something better comes along.

No controversey yet from my redent posting about my walking away from corporate America--interesting. Maybe no one dares to challenge me. Not that I don't allow it, but the thing you have to remember on here, darlings, is that I AM FABULOUS, and I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meantime have a lovelys start to this February week, wear your outdoor gloves out, and your white ones to luncheon. With pearls, of course!!!!!

Love to all, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!