Will It Be Drinks, A Movie, Or Both????????

Girls, who knows? If I see the 'Dragon Tattoo' it will be a long evening. If I dine it will be early but elegant--what is a darling to do? And all of this I have to do alone, loves, because there is no one to do it with. I am telling you, I getting so goddamn mad I am going to blow a gasket when I would rather blow someone else! Or have them blow me! I am not even looking at the Great Neck house now, I want comapanionship; I mean, I am beginning to feel like the Frankestein monster. at least Cucumbo sent those things flying out to bite people. I'd like to send out a few love bites myself, personally. So wish me luck tonight, darlings, because who knows what is in store. Hope I make it to the board tomorrow, loves!!!!

Toodles, angels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Damn RIGHT This Manhattan Bitch Dresses In Silk And Satin!!!!!!!!!!!!

To hell with Leonard Bernstein, this bitch is dressing in silk and satin. The post Easter slump has me feeling like a bitch, as my Easter was pretty dismal---from an window mishap in my apartment, to a failed date Saturday evening, dining alone on Sunday...no wonder I am thinking of seeing 'Dragon Tattoo' tonight--serial killers, didos, incest--just what I need to take the edge off.

Keep your edge off, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We Have To Make Plans!!!!!

I am feeling like such a bitch! Easter was a bust, no dates in sight, what am I supposed to do? Go see some serial mureder films? I don't think so? My life better start getting like MGM or I am going to sic The Flying Serpent on someone!!!!!!

Girls, Are We Ready For The Ceremonial Reenactment Of The Tomb??????

I almost forgot, darlings, what with all there is to do this Easter weekend, to remind all you girls, that when the first ray of sunlight hits the sky tomorrow morning, we have to bounce out of bed in our sarong and long hair, looking like Mary Magadalene, as we reenact her carrying spices to the tomb, to annoint the body of Jesus!!!! Myself, I plan to go as the Carol Baker Mary, with the short, tight, red adulterous sarong, and flowing dark hair. Some of you may want to go for a more subuded Mary, like Yvonne Elliman, and you can also sing "If I Can't Have You."

So bounce out of bed, and frolic into your yard or street, and spray whatever spices you have on hand in the air. This body, girls, needs a lot more than annointing, but it IS Easter and we have to remember what to comemorate. So fling those spices wisely and well!!!!!!

It is going to be FABULOUS, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are You Ready, Darlings!!!!!!!

Well, girls, it's Holy Saturday, and after Good Friday yesterday, what with meditation in a churchyard, reading "Frankenstein," listening to a choir and then scarfing down some Bloody Marys, it was a full range day, that took the edge off it being the 31st anniversary of my mother's death, and all the attendant baggage from the past that it brings up.

But now it is time to ask--Do you have your Easter bonnett, brunch reservation, and white gloves? Because if you haven't there is very little time left to take your place in that grand display of the Human Condition in New York, known as the Easter Parade. Sweethearts, it is on a par with Thackeray's "Vanity Fair."

Let's hope my vanity at least gets stroked by tonight's potential meeting. If other things get stroked....no, darlings, NOT on a first date. This is not what we were taught at Miss Porter's. Not even Charles Neslon Reilly!!!!!!

And speaking of things Riely, David is still hopsitalized in Chicago, with a stomach ulcer. I am telling you, girls, that child has got to watch himself. One of my Davids has bit the dust; I don't need another doing it so soon. What with just having lost June Havoc and now John Forsythe.

My evening outfit is appropriately understated, girls, though I have opted for a spring, pastel red and yellow look. In the meantime, don't forget to boil and color your eggs, hide those Easter Baskets, and have a joyous Easter no matter what you do!!!!!!

You're doing great, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We've Made It To Another Maundy Thursday!!!!!

Darlings, I just love the sound of that phrase, but even I have been confused by it. I used to call it "Maudie Thursday," and people would get confused, thinking it was a tribute to Bea Arthur. I don't think she was at the Last Supper, but who knows. As most theater folk, this is the night the Apostles, hopefully scrubbed and manicured, sat around, eating and drinking wine while singing--

"Look at all my trials and tribulations,
Sinking in a gentle pool of wine,
What's that in the bread? It's gone to my head,
Till this evening is this morning, life is fine.

Lambs, if my trials and tribulations could be reduced to a bottle of wine, well, wouldn't I be better off. Alas, such is not the case, so you will have to settle for moi.

Last night, pets, we had book club at Audrey's, she with the fabulous view and an ever approaching event that has all us girls, reeling. She was actually generously offering her abode to our host, Steve, who instigated a discussion of Graham Greene's "Our Man In Havanna." And that is not all. But, first, let me say, we just ADORE Steve, and certainly I, darlings, not only for his elegant habedashery and resemblance to Stanley Tucci, but his urbane and cultured wit, and his intellectually brilliant and handsome partner Brendan, who turns divinely. Brendan, alas, was out of town, and was not available to twirl and swirl for us. Quel domage!!!!!!!!

And what a sumptuous meal--between Audrey's marinated lamb ribs, Peter's potatoes, the fresh asparagus, the flowing wine, and this wonderful sorbet that Julia denied was homemade, but who are you kidding; when it comes from Julia, darling, you better believe it is homemade. How she has time to be a culinary wiz AND a high powered attorney is simply amazing.

But back to Steve, for a moment. At one point he was discoursing on an acquaintance of his, who happens to be seeing Frank Bruni. Yes, dears, THAT Frank Bruni, he of the New York Times, and the author of "Born Round." Now, I am not one to dish, but would you believe they met at Phoenix Bar? In the East Village. I mean, I would not even pick up a roach there, and as for the East Village--well, you can bet Aunt Pittypat wouldn't be caught bar hopping over there. She would go to the West Village. But who am I, without a husband, to cast judgement?

I could care less where they met. But when Steve told us how Frank had a cameo in the final scene of last year's enchanting film, "Julie and Julia," you can bet this Raving Queen's ears perked up. The scene, of course, is the fabulous rooftop party scene, where Julie, played of course, by the exquisite and radiant Amy Adams, comemorates ending her character's project by serving the ultimate Julia Child spectacular meal--which you had better believe I am working up to, darlings, for when I host book club.

I was fascinated by Steve's account. According to him, Frank said it took most of the day or night to shoot. Well, girls, that's how things go in movieland--do you know how many takes I have to do on a scene, before I am satisfied????? Such happenings are commonplace and typical. BUT when he said that--now girls, pay attention--Amy Adams was a bitch, well, I needed a moisturizer!!! Now let me give it to you straight, lambs--Amy Adams is NOT a bitch! She is decent, and fine, and pure. She radiates charm and graciousness and eveyone's skin tones improve within her presence because of the radiance that emanates from her. Frank had better watch it there, what with that widow's peak of his (as if HE should talk!), which is more than proof that I need that he is simply jealous because the scene was not all about him, and that he is not as pretty as Amy Adams. Not that I am saying I am, loves--heaven forbid!!!!! The ONLY one as pretty as Amy Adams is--AMY ADAMS!!!!! Make no mistake about that.

Naturally, I will be watching Frank closely. I am even going to read "Born Round." At this point, darlings, he is looking REAL good as a potential future Bitch of the Week on here!!!!! And before I am through, before he melts in front of me like Margaret Hamilton--a glamour girl,compared to him--he will rue the day he called that epithet to Miss Adams!!!!! No one says such things about our beloved Amy!!!!!!

Nevertheless, it was thought provoking, so I must thank Steve for providing such superb material for today's blog. And the bottle of wine he bought was scrumptious--I just mixed and matched, till I felt like Tallulah Bankhead!!!!!
In the meantime, last night was another crowning social event in my whirlwind life. I even had a dream last night about being on the 'Julia' set and basking in the Adams radiance. A sign from Amy, for sure!!!!!

So, darlings, remember, when it comes to the bitch laden or the pure in heart, THIS is the source for all!!!!!! Have a fabulous Maundy Thursday and one Hell of a Good Friday!!!!

And we love you, Steve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Once Again It Is Time For....Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I have learned in the past week, girls, is that while there is an entire constellation of bitches out there, sometimes they seem to just pop up out of nowhere. And such is the case with this week's Winner....that used-to-be-talented and soon-to-be-washed-up actress....Megan Mullally!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Megan, she had such promise. I recall her back in 1995 as Rosemary in the Matthew Broderick 'How To Succeed' revival. I mean, honey, when she sang "Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm," I knew just what she was talking about, and she was on a par with Bonnie Scott, the orginal Rosemary from back in 1961.

And of course Megan shone so brightly it led to her being cast as Karen on "Will and Grace," where for years she and Sean Hayes stole every scene from Debra Messing Eric McCormick. But a funny thing happened to Megan during the course of that long run, I guess; she became infected with Shelley Long-David Caruso syndrome, and began to think SO WELL of herself that the character of Karen began to take over her actual persona. At least, with Ronald Colman, it was Othello!!!!

All of this culminated for poor Megan last week during the rehearsals of the now defunct revival of "Lips Together, Teeth Apart." It seems that as far back as February, when rehearsals began, Miss Classless Diva Megan got too big for her panties and started pontificating how her leading man, Patton Oswalt, was not experienced enough theatrically to appear on the same stage with her. As if she were Meryl Streep or Judi Dench, for God's sake, which, after seeing Megan in "Young Frankenstein," I can assure you she is NOT. And who does Miss Megan tell this to? None other than another potential bitch of the theater community, Mr. Joe Mantello, a singularly talented director, who, I am told, directs through intimidation. Which would not work for ME, darlings, because if Joe tried to intimidate me, he would soon find himself going Bitch to Bitch. Which he did, this week, with Megan. Not only did she have the temerity, dears, to question his casting acumen--which is flawless, by the way--she deigned, like the Wicked Queen in 'Snow White' to imperiouslyu suggest a cadre of actors more suited to play opposite HER> I mean, get off it, Megan!!!!!!!!

Well, Joe, like a good Bitch, stood his ground, and good for him!!!!!! You can bet there were some choice words said to Megan about acting like a professsional; I mean, this outdoes even Eve Harrington!!!!! But little Miss Megan, oh, no, she is not through yet, and conspires behind Joe's back to get Oswalt repalced. Until I am sure Joe exploded, the you know what hit you know where, and Miss Mullally not only stormed off the set, but out the door, abandoning show, contract, everything, because she thought herself too fine a figure to appear with Patton Oswalt.

You couldn't ask for a better Bitch this week than Meagan. But chickens come home to roost, darlings, and this will come back to bite Megan again and again. She will NEVER work on Broadway again, girls, not only due to this blog, but due to the numerous charges I am sure Equity will bring her up on. I can see it now--back to Hollywood--do a defunct 'Karen' spinoff, then a talk show, then the bowling lounges, and then plying her faded wares on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Good luck, Megan, because by that time, no one is going to want YOU. Hell, after last week, no one wants you NOW.

So let us raise a Bloody Mary, Vodka Gimlet, or whatever your drink of choice is to our Bitch of the Week, Miss Megan Mullally. The theater community, for a long time to come, is going to be hard pressed to top this one. And this in a businesss where every other person out there is a bitch.

Love to all my darlings, from your favorite Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!