For All The Doatsy Maes Out There!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             "Frederic of Hollywood's got these clothes,
                                                In a movie magazine.
                                              You send in money, you take your pick,
                                                 You end up like a Playboy queen.
                                               I wanted to.  I wanted to.
                                                   But I never could."--
                                               "Doatsy Mae" from "The Best Little Whorehouse In
                                                    Texas (1978) Music and Lyrics by Carol Hall

                           I know what you must be thinking, girls!!!!!!!!!!  What ever got me on to that???????? Well, it was a chance conversation with a colleague at work, that, afterwards rankled me, because it made me feel, a little bit, like Doatsy Mae.

                             My colleague and I, who are long time workers here, were musing on days past, when he piped up and said, "If only we had had a little more ambition!"  "Excuse me?" I wanted to say. "Just whom are you speaking for????? Not for me, doll!!!!!!!!  Who the hell says I don't have ambition????????  The fact is I have plenty; it is just that it is concentrated elsewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!".

                              Many years ago, Mr. Fowle, a would be playwright, retired, and, at his party, a group of us were asked to enact in a series of playlets he had written.  I was only too happy to perform; a girl has to go where the work, is, darlings, but I vividly recall being handed this one particular script. I cannot recall its name or the name of the character I portrayed, but I do recall Mr. Fowle saying, at the time, that when his partner, Lon, reread it, he remarked that I was the one to play this character, being perfect for it.

                                I found it interesting that someone found such a cord between myself and an acting role.  I can still recall the character's description, something about "whose only goal in life is to play tennis."

                                  Not that I was athletic, loves; far from it. But I was a bit insulted!!!!!!! Is this how I am seen?  I asked myself.  Someone with no goals or ambitions?????? And what do they know of any interior life???????????  When, just recently, my colleague and I conversed, this memory came flashing back to me.

                              And then I thought of Doatsy Mae.  Back in 1978, I had purchased tickets for a musical called "Working," which was seen at the 46th Street Theatre.  It had a spectacular cast of up and comers--Bob Gunton, Patti Lu Pone, Leonora Nemetz, and others.  Only, I never got to see it, because, before my date rolled around, the show had closed.  But, wait!!!!!!!!!!!  In the meantime, downtown, or was it at the Actors Studio (which is downtown from 46th Street, anyway) had just opened an Off-Broadway musical that was getting a lot of attention, and advertising time on TV, called "The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas." It garnered so much notice the producers decided to move it to Broadway, and, with "Working" having just closed, the 46th Street Theatre was ripe for its moving right in.  Which it did.  By that time, I was interested in seeing this, so what I did was bus into the city one day, go to the theater box office, and exchange my "Working" ticket for one to 'Whorehouse'.

                                Now, while this was not a landmark show, like "A Chorus Line," there were elements of it I have never forgotten.  In Act One, there were two solo songs that stopped me in my tracks.  One was
the Act One ender, "The Bus From Amarillo," compellingly sung by actress Carlin Glynn, in the role of Miss Mona, whose rendition, to this day, defines that song for me.  The other was a short solo by the actress pictured above, Susan Mansur ( alas, dolls, I could not find a photo of her in character from the show!!!!!!) called "Doatsy Mae."  The song sort of touches upon what irked me about what my colleague said about ambition--sometimes we perceive people wrongly.

                                 Doatsy Mae serves up hash and pours coffee to the locals at the diner. She is a waitress, par excellence.  The scene in question has her serving up to the locals, with them talking about Miss Mona's troubles.  Doatsy says she wouldn't mind changing places with her.  One of the locals laughs bemusedly, saying he just could not imagine that!!!!!!!!!

                                  Then the lights went down, the spot shined on Susan Mansur, and she began Doatsy's song, a song for anyone who feels misperceived by others, whose identity is taken for granted, not being defined as an individual.  It was a shining moment for the actress, Susan Mansur, and I have never forgotten her,or the number.  So, after this catty remark the other day, I sat down and listened to "Doasty Mae," Susan's version of course, with tears, rolling down my cheeks.

                                    And I thought of how, with moments like this and shows like "A Chorus Line" and "Nashville," the Seventies, which produced all these works, seemed more about expressing one's individuality  than today, despite the advances in technology and social media, which you would think would, but in certain ways encourages isolation.  The Doatsys of today have it rougher than she did in hers.

                                       There was something unbearably poignant about those lines near the end--

                                        "Got me a garter belt, got me a bedroom, sometimes I close me in.
                                          Dance to the mirror, then I can imagine, I'm someone that I've never been."

                                    Gwen Welles as Suelleen Gay in Altman's "Nashville" does exactly that in one particular scene!!!!!!!!  Doatsy's song gives voice to all those unrecognized individuals out there.

                                     Which is why the song and Susan Mansur remain embedded in my memory, and why they all popped up the other day.

                                       So, grab that garter belt if you must, darlings, but remember to get out of that bedroom, once in awhile.

                                        Because Doatsy's not as simple as she seems!!!!!!!!! And neither are any of you!!!!!!!!!

                                  

No "Baby Sitting Boogie" Here, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Girls, there is one thing I can pretty much guarantee you.  If your life story is profiled on the TV show, "Deadly Women," you stand a very good chance of eventually being named the Raving Queen's Bitch Of The Week.  And so it goes with this week's winner pictured above--Christine Falling, known as the Babysitter Serial Killer.

                                                Long before Rebecca De Mornay portrayed Peyton Flanders, (who, at least was pretty!!!!!!) the Nanny From Hell in 1992's "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle" (can you believe that was 20 years ago, darlings??????), Christine made a name for herself as the babysitter you did NOT want to hire!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Why do these things always seem to happen in the backwoods of Florida????????  Christine was from a little nowhere town there, called Perry, where she was born on March 12, 1963.  Talk about trash; her mother was just sixteen years old, and her father--get this!!!!!--was sixty-five!!!!!!!!!  That must have been some marriage, I can tell you!!!!!!!!  To make matters worse, Christine was developmentally disabled, and prone to obesity.  She certainly was no looker, like Rebecca was, when she played Peyton.  So, she could not exactly entice anybody.

                                                    During the early Eighties, Christine, to earn some money, began babysitting for neighbors and  relatives.  However, it seemed as though every time Christine sat for a kid--something happened to those children--SIDS, myocardia, whatever.  Eventually, it was found Christine had murdered these innocents by suffocation because--get this, dolls!!!!!--voices told her to kill the babies!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Uh, huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The defense must have loved that one!  It practically served Christine up to the prosecutor as a sacrifice!!!!!!! Well, good riddance!!!!!!!!!!  Take the key, and lock her up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       The murders took place between the years 1980 and 1982.  Christine was convicted and sentenced to life without parole. She is currently incarcerated at a Florida facility, and will never see the light of day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         When I discovered Christine's story, I knew I had found a perfect winner for this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award!!!!!!!!!  Mary Poppins she ain't!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                             Which is why you should always ask for and check those references, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, Darlings, A Book Does Live Up To Its Cover!!!!!!!!!!

                                         When "West Of Here" came out last year, the cover art, as you can see, struck me.  It looks like a combination of the artwork during the 1940s Golden Age Of Comics, and those early Boys' Adventure books.  It was clearly an historical novel, which I can be partial to, girls, but, after getting burned last year with "Matterhorn" (which got great reviews, but was so heavy handed I could not get through it!!!!!!!!) I had my doubts about Jonathan Evison's book.  So I mentally filed it away in my reading radar, promising myself I would read it sometime, if, indeed, sometime ever came!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           About a month ago, while browsing a Barnes and Noble near Downingtown, Pennsylvania, while visiting my father, the cover caught my eye again, and I decided to buy it, and give it a try!  Sweeties, let me tell you, if I had read this book when it came out last year, in hardback, it would have made my Ten Best List.  As of now, I can only highly recommend it!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              Evison's book straddles points and time, centered around a community called Port Bonita, Washington (the state), going back and forth in  time between the relative present (2006) and when Washington was on the eve of its statehood (1889, 1890!!!!!!!!)  While I found the past sequences more compelling, Evison's concept slowly becomes clear--the present day characters are clear descendants of the past ones, with two--Thomas in the past, and Curtis in the present--seeming to merge supernaturally.  And there is plenty of references to Sasquatch, more commonly known  as "Bigfoot."  "West Of Here" requires the reader to abandon himself, and be willing to go wherever Evison takes one.  I had no problem, and I was fascinated.  If memories of "Lonesome Dove" or James Michener's tomes popped into my head, Evison's clear, steady prose, blending both a colloquial style for the past and an almost hipster one for the present, makes his voice distinctive and original.  I simply could not stop reading this fascinating book, and so many of the characters--Thomas, Curtis, Rita, Hoko, Ethan, Eva Gertie--stood out for me.  The more I read about them, the more I wanted to know.

                                             Girls, I am telling you, I had never heard of Jonathan Evison before, but after this you can be sure he will be remembered. His only novel, prior to this, is a coming of age type story called "All About Lulu," which some reviewers, I read, compared to J.D. Salinger.  Oh, really??? If so, then  Evison must have all kinds of literary voices laid out for him, because there is nothing Salingeresque about "West Of Here," and whatever follows it will, I expect, not in any way echo the two earlier works.

                                                Which makes Jonathan Evison an author to keep an eye on!!!!!!!!!  And "West Of Here" a book to read for all my girls who like good fiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Finally, a book that lives up to the glossiness of its cover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Now, make sure you put on that lip gloss, dolls, before going out!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, He Has Got To Be The Homeliest Man On Television!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I am talking, of course, about Lieutenant Joe Kenda, the star of Investigation Discovery's show, "Homicide Hunter."  I love the show, but just look at him!!!!!!!!!!! Is that a wig????????? And how old is this guy???????  In last week's show, he made a reference to his daughter!!!!!!!!  Like, I hope she looks better than this!!!!!! Or maybe he was better looking when younger.

                              Personally, darlings, I think it is just having become too accustomed to hot cops on TV. After twelve years of Chris Meloni as Elliot Stabler, the notion of "real looking" police is hard to accept.  Even David Caruso, in his "NYPD Blue" days, or  Daniel J. Travanti on "Hill Street Blues," were easy on the eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Let's face it, when Jack Webb played Sgt. Joe Friday on "Dragnet," back in the 50's, he certainly was no glamour puss!!!!!!!!!!  But he had the actor's panache!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Not this guy!!!!!!!!! His line deliveries are as flat as anything!!!!!!!!!  I have heard better at kindergarten stage plays!!!!!!!!!  Thank God the subject he covers--his cases--are interesting, and deflect from his presence.  But if this show had a more, shall we say, presentable person, as the "Homicide Hunter," this show could really take off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Why do I tune in each week???????  Like I said, the cases are interesting, and I keep hoping Kenda will get rid of that wig, or at least restyle whatever that mess is on his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He takes all the fun out of homicide hunting!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Maybe a gift certificate to Elizabeth Arden would help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    I know it would do wonders for all of us, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Was No "Annie Get Your Gun," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

                              
                                            Glenn Turner may he thought his wife, Lynn, was his "sexy cowgirl," when he married her, but he just didn't know what he was getting into.  Actually, the actress playing Lynn last night on "Final Witness," was sexier than Lynn here, seen above.  But when it comes to being a Black Widow, Lynn
is a leading contender.  On March 3, 1995, she murdered her then 31-year-old police officer husband, Glenn.  Sure, he had been to the hospital ER the night before with flu symptoms, but that was before January 22, 2001, when Lynn murdered her hot, fireman boyfriend, Randy Thompson, then 32.  He was found to have been poisoned with anti-freeze, which led to Glenn's death being looked into (and maybe the body exhumed!!!!!!!), and guess what??????????  He was found to have died of the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Of course, it was good old fashioned greed!  On Glenn, Lynn collected $153K, and on Randy, $63K!!!!!!!  What a nice chunka change!!!!!   Those life insurance policies, darlings, I am telling you. Too many people out there have seen Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson in "Double Indemnity," and are taking it too much to heart.  Sure, it is fine to glam up and look like Phyllis, but to kill like her??????????  I wouldn't be too sure of that!!!!!!!!!!  And, for a supposedly "sexy cowgirl," Lynn  was lacking, and she sure as hell was no Phyllis Dietrichson.  Guess poor old Glenn must have been seeing what he wanted to see. And look what it cost him!!!!!!!!!!

                                             But it cost Lynn, too.  Because it earned her a lifetime in the slammer. And you know what????????  The rotten narcissist could not take it!!!!!!!!! On August 30, 2010, at the relatively young age of 42, Lynn was found dead in her cell. She had been in prison for about seven or eight years, and was found dead in her cell, apparently a suicide from an overdose of stored up blood pressure medication pills.

                                             I don't think too many people cried or will cry for Lynn!!!!!!!! I know I won't!!!!!!!  Poor Glenn and Randy, for being taken in by such trash!!!!!!!!!!!  But when you live in rural Georgia, what else is there to do?????????  They should at least have gone to Atlanta, or better yet, New Orleans, where they not only could have gotten some action, they would still be alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Annie Oakley may not have been able to get a man with a gun, but Lynn Turner got two of hers, with anti-freeze!!!!!!!!!!!!  Those who turned down her tea invitations were smarter than they thought!!!!!!!!!!

                                              And, girls, is Lynn's story ever popular.  In addition to "Final Witness" last night, it has been told on "Snapped!" and "Deadly Women!"

                                                Lynn Turner is now One Dead Woman!!!!!!  Good riddance!!!!!!!!

                                                 See you at teatime, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                        

Girls, Can You Believe This Is The Season's First Top Theater Ticket?????????

                                        No one was more I excited than I, darlings, when I heard that "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?" was being brought to Broadway with playwright Tracy Letts (playwright, and who played the father in the one scene of the Original Cast of "August"Osage County) and Amy Morton (a superb Nurse Ratched, awhile back in "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," not to mention embittered older daughter Barbara in the Tracy Letts play!!!!!!!!); I was so  excited!!!!!!!!!!!  But who could have imagined this response???????

                                         Before it opened, I am told, it was possible to get at it TKTS, or on Theatremania.com, but now--forget it!!!!!!!!!! Now, I know everyone loves a good bitchfest, now and then, but you have to understand, "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?" is still not only the bitchfest of all time, it is one of the few that is not at all campy!!!!!!  It is dead serious in its bitchiness, which is what steers some people away from it.

                                         I can still recall when the film first came out, the first time I ever heard of it, let alone of doing a film with only four people in the cast.  My friend Doug's parents kept a paperback copy of the play in their bedroom closet, which I could not understand, because, knowing them, they were not theater folk by any stretch of imagination. What did they do? I wondered, read the play to each other at night before bed??????   Pleasant dreams, dolls!!!!!!   Anyway, as soon as we heard it was for adults only, and that it had a lot of curse words in it (because, at that age, we looked for ANY excuse to curse!!!!!!!) we made a beeline for the closet, retrieved it on the sly, and read it aloud, ourselves.

                                         Of course, there were major fights over who would play Martha, which we both wanted to, since she seemed to have the foulest language.  I usually won, being the better actor.  I knew even then, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And it was such fun.  We would read it, act it out, then put it back.  To this day, I am not sure if his parents ever knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Naturally, we were both dying to see the film, but were prevented, when my mother's friend, Dottie Kramer, declared profoundly, "Definitely NOTHING for a child to see!!!!!"  Oh, Aunt Dottie, if you only knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            When I turned 12, shortly after this, my parents asked what I wanted for my birthday, and I told them I wanted to direct them in this.  That gave them something to think about, let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Back in 2005, I did see that revival of the play, featuring that bovine cow, Miss Kathleen Turner, who, had she been allowed to play it right, would have been spot on as Martha!!!!!!!!!!!!  But, unfortunately, Anthony Page, who should have known better, directed the whole thing as a comedy, so that the audience around me was lapping it up as though at a Neil Simon play.  What has this to do with Albee's drama? I wondered.

                                                  I anticipate the current staging; judging by the cast, the Steppenwolf pedigree and Pam McKinnon's direction, this  will certainly  improve things, so I am anxious to see what may be the most definitive production of this work in my lifetime.  Too bad the wonderful David Harbour (now going into the "Glengarry Glen Ross" revival), so wonderful as Nick, in 2005, could not be bought back here, Alas,!  But this 'Virginia Woof' sounds like it will make up for that earlier one, which is why people of all sorts--queens and married folk alike--are flocking to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  What a dump!, I am telling you!!!!!!!!  What a dump!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      

Girls, This Is One Charlotte You Don't Want To Hush!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Would you believe that today, "Charlotte's Web" by E.B.White turns 60?????
That is even older than yours truly, darlings, and it is quite an honor.  In this face of such processed children's crap that passes as literature, or at least tries to, it is assuring to know a true classic like this can still draw a readership.

                                                I first read 'Charlotte' during one of my elementary school years in the early Sixties.  "Stuart Little," at the time seemed to get more attention and proved more popular, though I never could finish it; it just did not "do it" for me. Not so with "Charlotte's Web;" I not only finished it, I cried real tears when I was done!!!!!!!!!!  One of the few times a book has ever done that to me.  So this might have been the first time.

                                                Even though they re popular at Halloween, like right around now, spiders get a raw deal the rest of the year. E.B. White helped pave the way for spiders, showing, through Charlotte, not only their likability, but their importance in relation to nature.  Not to mention the wonderful friendship between Charlotte, Wilbur the pig, and the little girl.

                                                 So, here is a Happy Birthday wish to "Charlotte's Web," with a wish of 60 more to follow!!!!!!!!!  Some books truly deserved to be called classics, and this is one!!!!!!!!!

                                                   And, darlings, be nice to the next spider you may meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!