Girls, It Just Isn't The Same Without Mother Oats!!!!!!!!

When I was growing up, darlings, excitement meant a stormy winter night, while curling up in front of the TV at 5:30 weeknights, when the Channel 9 Movie Of The Week would broadcast--each night--"The Bride Of Frankenstein." My parents thought I was watching schlock, but, as time proved, I was viewing art of the highest grade, as demonstrated by the work of a directorial master, none other than the brilliant James Whale!!!! Which proves my sophisticated tastes were not only developed at any early age, I had an innate instinct for them!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey, it just seems there were more choices, back then. Drake's Ring Dings were larger, by the way. But take cereals. In the winter, I loved hot cereal, and while you better believe I LOVED my Cream Of Wheat, with Chef Eustis on the front, I was also a devotee of oatmeal. And on the market were Quaker Oats, which we still have today, and something the same outfit also put out called "Mother's Oats," which I preferred. I loved the warm, inviting picture of the mother and son on the cylindrical cover; I used to tell myself that was my mother and I. And each morning, when she would give me a bowl, I felt as warm and loved as the boy on the cover. My mother was an R.N., darlings (Registered Nurse, not recurring neurotic!!!!) and you better believe she knew her oats!!!!!!!!!!

What ever happened to Mother's Oats, and why???? All of a sudden, the warmth was gone. I still love oatmeal, but, the fun, somehow is gone out of it. That white haired guy with the red cheeks, suggestive of too much alcohol, does not do it for me, nor did Wilfred Brimley on those commercials, which told me the only thing I had to look forward to was an enlarged prostate!!!!!!!!

I am demanding the return of Mother's Oats. Generations of children are missing out on the fun and the warmth that mine had. So let us have an Oatmeal Renaissance--bring back Mother's Oats!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama told me there'd be days like this, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Want To Meet Mark Safarik!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, have you seen the recent show, "Killer Instinct," on Saturday nights????
It features former FBI (30+ years) Mark Safarik, who knows A LOT about serial killers and social deviants, which you know, darlings, are exactly the kind of people I just LOVE to discuss. And may unknowingly have dated a couple of times!!!!!!

The show I saw featured a profile of this woman in Washington State, Dana Lomaski, who, it turns out was murdered by her drug addicted niece, Amanda, and her equally addicted, plus sociopath girlfriend, Emily. That Emily was a real piece of work; murdering Aunt Dana in front of her niece, then acting like nothing happened. And then niece Amanda having the nerve to write, in the funeral guest book, this big, rambling account of her sorrow, and how she is clean and sober!!!!!!! I still say Amanda too should have been prosecuted and jailed.

Emily did time, though, and now is out, married, and trying to be Suburban Mom Of The Year, supposedly putting all this behind her!!!!! Yeah, right!!!!!!!! I loved when Mark went one on one with her, saying "I don't believe you." You tell her, Mark! I did not believe a word of her crap, either!!!!!! I would love to have been there, and really forced the truth out of her on camera, then taken the key, and locked she and Amanda both up, for good!!!!!!!!!

But, oh, girls, Mark...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!! He has the most beguiling smile, such big, strong shoulders, and his moustache and goatee would guarantee that everyone at The Eagle on a Saturday night would stare at him as soon as he walked in the door!!!!! Is it any wonder I want to meet Mark???? Of course, Monsieur knows there is nothing to worry about, because this is business--two like minds having lunch (just us girls!!!!!!!!!!!) while discussing the subject we love best--serial killers!!!!! Bet I could help Mark catch a few!!!!!!!!!!!

I am telling you, if Mark is in his fifties, we should all look so good!!!!!!!!! You have GOT to see this show, lambs, because you will not only be able to take your eyes off the cases, you will not be able to keep your eyes off Mark!!!!!!!

But I am marking Saturdays at 9 as my viewing time for "Killer Instinct." The subject brings out my forensic instincts, while Mark brings out others!!!!!!!!

Trust those instincts, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Was So Glad To See This Organization Get Skewered!!!!!!

Darlings, have you seen the "Law And Order--Criminal Intent" episode, entitled "Con-Text?" It was a revelation to me, darlings, because I at once saw what organization was being skewered--one I have had some indirect personal experience with--and I was SO glad to see someone take it on!!!!! This episode also features two good performances, by John Benjamin Hickey (who reigns in his hotness, here) as ersatz motivational speaker Randall Fuller, and Sean Dugan, as a sadly misguided youth named Doug Morgan.

The episode starts out concerning the murder-suicide of a father and son, in order to get money. The crime is committed by the other son, Doug Morgan, as part of a scam to hand over money to a motivational speaker for an organization on here called Gracenote, but which I could clearly see was a stand-in for the Landmark Forum. I am surprised the actual operation did not file a lawsuit against the 'Criminal Intent' producers and writers!!!!!!!

To explain Gracenote, let me explain the Landmark Forum. It is run by Landmark Education, and its supposed intention is to take people in need of guidance, and help them activate their lives. With the students just happening to fork out a lot of money along the way; in lots of cases, more money than your average Ivy League college or university!!!!! The more money you fork over, the more classes you take...the cycle goes on and on!!!!!

Then there are weekends, like the initial one, that involve sitting together in a room, being allowed to eat and go to the bathroom only when told to (Honey, I would like to see them try and work that one with ME; I would go right ahead and shit on their goddamn floor!!!!!) while being screamed at by some brainwashed group leader, who in turn is trying to brainwash these others!!!!!!

Do I hear some of you out there, mouthing the word, "cult?" Well, yeah!!! And do I sense a similarity to EST, Dianetics, Ron Hubbard, and Scientology???? You better believe it!!!!!!

Getting back to "Law And Order"--the charismatic group leader is played by the equally charismatic John Benjamin Hickey, good actor, in a an unsympathetic role, but turning in a spot on performance, nonetheless. He senses Dog Morgan's (Sean Dugan) rootlessness and low self esteem, and closes in on him, with his touchy feely crap, sweetening the deal with a sex surrogate, a group leader named Lena Caruso, who eventually gets murdered by Randall Fuller for her trouble!!!! Fuller explains the importance of acquiring the money, even if murder is necessary..and Doug complies!!!!! Fuller finally gets hauled off at the end, and Dog is obviously going to have to do some time, but, honey, let me tell you, he will have more freedom in prison than with these charlatans!!!!!

Shades of Kirstie Alley!!!! I am surprised she did not make a cameo appearance, but maybe the crew did not have a wide enough camera lens, the day of the shooting!!!!!

I was also disappointed that the episode did not say whether or not the Gracenote organization had been taken down, though the implication left was that it would be!!!!! I could only hope that the same could be said of the Landmark Forum, because someone needs to bring them down!!!! And, honey, maybe this blog post is a start!!!!!!

I am speaking from personal experience here. Someone with whom I was once very good friends I lost to the Landmark Forum. But not before he invited me to an orientation meeting, so I could see for myself if I wanted to participate. At the time, I had never heard of it; after all, I follow theater, darlings, not drink-your-Kool-Aid-type social groups!!!! But, considering myself open minded, and, as a favor to my friend (who, to his credit, did NOT at all pressure me to join!!!!) I went, and listened!!!!!!

What I heard were testimonials from group success stories, speaking in abstracts, rather than concretes, about how their life had changed, thanks to the Forum. I remember one young lady relating how she went from being a low paid worker (in the teens) to highly paid (in the fifties, and up). This is all fine and good, but no one said exactly HOW they accomplished what they did--just that they had, thanks to the Forum.

I was beginning to get their number quickly!!!! And I was not the only one!!! There was a woman there the night I was, whose husband had been coming to the Forum, and taking classes, for a long time!!!! He insisted it had helped him, and was continuing to do so. And maybe, in his eyes, it was. But, as the wife asked, and I agreed, "Does anyone ever graduate? When does this all end?"

You could have heard a pin drop in the room, after she spoke. And you could hear those onstage taking a collective breath, and witness their faces transforming from bogus bonhomie to icy steeliness!!!! The moment was just short of someone escorting that woman out of there, and I am surprised she was not. And, if it wasn't for my friend, whom I could not fault for more than lack of judgement, if I had been there to rescue someone, I might have stood up and made a scene similar to the one Kate Winslett makes in the upcoming, and aforementioned on here, girls! film, "Carnage!"

But I kept my mouth shut, agreeing with her all the time. When all this tedious lecturing was over, I thought I was finished, but, darling, it was almost worse!!! They did provide some kind of refreshments, and while partaking of such, I was approached by several group members, vociferously urging me to drop, I think, $300, for an initial class! They were so desperate; when I insisted I did not have that amount, let alone a checkbook, on me, they insisted I could sign an IOU, or promissory note, which to me meant I would be turning over my will to their brain trust!!!! Fuck that!!!! And I could NOT get away from these people, who would not let up; I remember running out of the room, up the stairs, and out the door, , with me not feeling completely safe, till I was out on the street, away from the building!!!!!!

So much for my experience. Let me add that, the more my friend continued with the Forum, the less I saw of him. Until, just two months ago, I ran into him at the Center, having not seen him, in at least a year!!!! He looked none the worse for wear, thank God, but I am sad to report we had not much to say to each other by this time!!!!!!

Contrast this with another, more recent friend, who, I think, took one Landmark class, then saw the light. But, then, she is too sharp, and her life too active, not to!!!! But I had to admit, for awhile, I was concerned!!!!!!!

So I think it was brave of 'Criminal Intent' to so obviously take on these
schemers!!!! And I hope someone or something eventually brings them down!!!!! And if it this blog, so be it, then!!!!!!!!

Follow your own destinies, darlings!!!! NOT someone else's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, These Activists Are On The Forefront!!!!!!!!!!

Social activism seems to be in vogue these days, girls, what with Occupy Wall Street, Occupy St. Vincent's, and the like. Where the hell is Joan Baez, when she is needed????? It has gotten to the point where I might go down there with my guitar and do a few Joan songs--I can still do a credible "Portland Town," "Fennario," "Long Black Veil," even "Joe Hill"!!!!!!

But, meantime, in this town--New York City, of course; where else???-- we have two activists of our own, who are on the forefront of everything, and are in and of themselves REAL characters!!!! I am talking about none other than the Reverend Al Sharpton, and the Miss Pauline Park!!!!!!!

You have just got to LOVE Reverend Al!!!!! He has even appeared on "Law And Order," and, honey, let me tell you, he is the only one I have seen who can make playing themself equal to a great theatrical performance. You know that play on Broadway, right now, with Samuel Jackson, and Angela Bassett, entitled "The Mountaintop," where Jackson plays the Reverend Martin Luther King??? I am truly surprised Sharpton did not take it upon himself to offer himself to the producers in the lead role!!!! But don't hold your breath, darlings; when Jackson's and Bassett's contracts run out, we may just see Sharpton step in there!!! And wouldn't that be a hoot??? Fran Lebowitz, when playing a judge, runs a close second. Makes sense, since both have considerable egos!!!!!

Getting back to the Reverend, it is all about grooming as it is for social justice!!!!! He has to be one of the GAYEST straight men in town; he spends as much, if not more, on his appearance, than some dizzy queens I know!!!! And doesn't he always look fabulous, girls??????

With Al Sharpton, appearance counts for as much as social justice!!!! Which is exactly why, no matter what cause he espouses, somehow it manages to figure into the coffers--financial OR philosophical-- of Reverend Al!!!! Is he a scam artist????
Some might call him such, but, lambs, I just cannot resist his blend of piety and self-priority!!! The American spirit, darlings!!!!! Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your sophisticated hearts??????

Likewise, we have Miss Pauline Park. Now, while she may get more limited media exposure than Reverend Al, and directs to a more limited scope--Transgender Rights--her wardrobe is no less fastidious!!!! I have met Miss Pauline many time; I have even been to her house, darlings, where she always turns out a dashing figure in her glam wardrobe (the makeup is fantastic!!!!), can throw a wild party, and even
fluidly pound a set of piano keys!!!!! Pauline, darlings, is a true Renaissance Woman!!!!!

This frail flower has one strong stem!!! No Memoirs Of A Geisha here, honey!!!!! When Pauline speaks to the people--her people--she is impassioned and dedicated, both to them, and to herself. After all, if a little of this activism, good as it is for those to whom she espouses, happens, simultaneously, to be equally as good for Pauline, what harm is there, really????? Miss Park's charm overrides all!!!!!

We should be so lucky to have two--not just one, but two!!--such activists in our town!!!! More activists should take their cues from these!!! Why, darling, for example, do you think I do all my Tyler Clementi advocacy by word, darlings???? Not just because it is the form I work best in--which is true-- but because I sure as hell cannot match the presence or glamour of Miss Pauline or Reverend Al!!!!!! My wardrobe sure can't hold a candle to theirs!!!!! And let's not get started on the hair!!!!!

But who knows; maybe I will be before the media, before long!!!! In which case, I may have to hire a stylist!!!! Or, at least, place a telephone call to Blythe Danner!!!!!!

You know, darlings at one time, I thought our--the Baby Boomers--generation was an apathetic one!!! And there is certainly lots of it present. But the further we get removed from it, the more concerned I am about apathy's expansion!!!! However one may feel about the ingenuousness of these two activists, at least they are out there, speaking out on behalf of something, rather than being a bunch of lemmings with their mouths clamped shut, like the father of "Mr. Sardonicus" as he smolders in the grave!!!!!!

So, a fond salute to Reverend Al and Miss Pauline!!!! They may not be united on the same platform, but at least they get out there and advocate!!!!! With the best coiffure and couture in town!!!!!!

Right On!, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When It Comes To THIS Holiday, Girls, There Is Nothing Better!!!!!!!

This will serve as my special Halloween tribute and wishes to you all, darlings, as I am going to be incognito for the next several days, God help me!!!!! But talking about Halloween--

It is the holiday where Horror finally gets its due. And the way the genre has expanded since I was a kid, means there are increasingly more choices for what to watch at this time of year, which makes such a decision increasingly difficult!!!!

Do you opt for me the time honored Universal classics???? That witchcraft masterpiece, "Rosemary's Baby?" One of the slashers of the '80's? Or one of the Japanese ventures, from "Ringu" to "Audition"?????

All are valid in and of themselves, but when it comes to this holiday; for me there can be only ONE choice--

John Carpenter's 1978 "Halloween!"

Darlings, I love it!!!! I will never forget the first time I saw it, on
November 1 (actually All Saints Day, loves) 1978, at the Middlesex Mall in New Jersey!!!! I drove out there in the dark, after dinner, and parked near the road, in a virtually empty parking lot. I paid for my ticket, and walked in the theater, which was hardly filled. The lights went down, the film began, and I was off and running. Not that the film was not memorable--more on that, later--but what happened afterwards was.

I came out of that screening, so unnerved I could not wait to get home. When I walked outside, to my recollection, there was not a car or person around. I got in the car, and, darlings, I swear, I gunned the pedal down as far as it would go, getting me home so fast I sailed up our hilly driveway, and right into the next door neighbors' bushes!!!! There was so much noise, my concerned parents came out to see what was wrong. They found me leaning against the door, panting heavily. "I just saw 'Halloween'," I replied. Par for the course for them. They went back into the house.

But, over the years, thanks to VHS and DVD, "Halloween" has become as synonymous for me with this holiday as "The Song Of Bernadette" is for Easter. I just would not choose anything else.

"Halloween" has the most delicious mix of horror and humor!!!! It starts with a killer POV shot of him wandering through the house, pursuing and stabbing a young girl, who turns out to be his sister. A few minutes later, we see a little boy, in a green and red clown costume, unmasked by his parents, a bloody butcher knife in his hand. "Michael?" the father asks.

I just love the way this is done, with the camera pulling back, and the ominous music. I LOVE this scene, because the very first Halloween costume I remember wearing was a clown one identical to the little boy's in the film. Heh! Heh!!! Heh!!! No butcher knives for me darling!!!!! If there had been, it might have been a different story, with me and the National Honor Society.

Then there is the wonderful sequence, where Annie, the sheriff's daughter, is babysitting for Lindsay. She goes out to the garage to get something--and is attacked by the killer!! I remember her in the front seat of the car, tooting the horn, screaming, at the top of her lungs, "Lindsay!!!! Lindsay!!!" But, as the camera cuts back, Lindsay is completely oblivious; as the TV light falls on her close-up face, we can see she is almost catatonically absorbed in what she is watching--a broadcast of the Howard Hawks 1951 classic...."The Thing From Another World!!!" This scene always makes me howl with laughter, because I relate here to Lindsay, who is too caught up in her movie to be aware of much else!!!! Just like I would have been, loves!!!!!!

Of course, this film is also memorable for introducing to film viewers not only Michael Meyers, but Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie!!!! And the film straddles horror and humor constantly--with Jamie banging on doors in terror, to the killer impersonating P.J.Soles' ghost costumed boyfriend, with being a homage to Halloween and all its accouterments--autumn leaves, costumes, trick or treat, popcorn, huddled at night around the TV watching horror movies!!!!!

No wonder I would not choose any other film for this occasion. Now, I am aware some of this may be too intense for some of my girls, so, in that case, I have the PERFECT alternative-MGM's 1944 "Meet Me In St. Louis." Its Halloween sequence, featuring Margaret O'Brien as Tootie, is not only one of the film's many highlights, it helped net Margaret a Juvenile Oscar for this outstanding performance!!!!!!!

Have Yourselves A Merry, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Annie Gets It Done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I just LOVE Anne Cutbill Lenane!!!!

Now, some of you may well ask, who the hell is she????

Well, if any of you go to the movies in Manhattan, you have experienced Anne!!! Her face is up there, 10 feet high, right there on the silver screen, amid the plethora of ads movie theaters here throw at viewers, in order to distract them, from God forbid, having to think for themselves!!!!!

Anne would appear to be a top flight realty agent in Gotham, specializing in that most coveted locale, the Upper West Side, which used to be a haven for artists, but is now relegated to domestic wannabes, who, having made too much money, which they don't deserve and most likely was not made legally, now have nothing better to do with their lives than play at being Blondie and Dagwood!!!! Let me tell you, darlings, in THIS market, even with the Castevets' help, Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse would be hard pressed to find an apartment there, now!!!!

I always LOVE Anne's ads--her smiling face, flowing blonde hair, which works in spite of the fact she is pushing it with that style, because of her age, and her power business outfits, which would seem to have been inspired by Heather Locklear, during her days as Amanda Woodward on "Melrose Place!"

But what I want to know--and have always wondered, is--does Anne Cutbill Lenane actually exist?????????? Honey, she has been trolling movie screens for years; so long that I am beginning to wonder if she is some kind of Dorian Grey, or if some ersatz firm keeps airbrushing a random pic they found one day, which works!!!! Has anyone out there actually MET Anne???? If so, loves, feel free to tell me, because I would love to know if she is actually real, and what she is really like!!!!!

I "saw" Anne at the movies last week, and I have to say, now she is trying to sex up her image, because the latest pic, features her laid back in a black tank top, like an ersatz version of Glenn Close as Alex Forrest in "Fatal Attraction." Come to think of it, Alex would have made an excellent realtor; her clients would certainly not "ignore" her!!!!!!!

I always want to ignore most of the ads thrust upon me in theaters!!!! But I always look forward to seeing Anne!!!! Whether she is real or not, she has come to represent a little bit of New York City!!!!!!

Make sure, girls, that YOU get it done, too...just like Annie!!!!!!!!!!

"Roman.....Bring Me A Root Beer When You Come!!!!"

Darlings, let me be the first to tell you, a Bitchfest is coming, just in time for the Holiday Season!!!! No, I am not talking about your families' annual Christmas dinner, which is your businesses, sweeties, not mine! No, I am talking about the film "Carnage," which is the film version of Yasmin Reza's play "God Of Carnage", directed by that expatriate extraordinaire, Roman Polanski!!!!!!!

Two years ago, on my 55th birthday, it must have been a bad year for musicals. There really was not one available to me, then, and damned if I was going to see "Spring Awakening!" So I opted for "God Of Carnage," having heard so much about it, and having just missed its celebrated Original Cast (James Gandolfini, Marcia Gay Harden, Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis!!!). I saw it with the First Replacement Cast (Ken Stott, who originated the role in London, the brilliant Christine Lahti, Annie Potts, and Jimmi Smits, who, though effective, seemed miscast against these others). I recall, when I took my seat, Orchestra, fourth row aisle, the usher said I would be in the middle of the carnage, because I was so close, and, honey, was he right, because when the tulips started flying across the room, and the vase was thrown, I was actually drenched with water!!!! I wanted to get up onstage and fight right back, because this play/movie is everyone's dream of telling off the asshole relatives, neighbors, coworkers, or authority figures you have to deal with every day!!!!

When Hope Davis' character (played by Kate Winslet in the movie) delivered the famous line, "I am glad our son kicked the shit out of your son, and I wipe my ass with your human rights!!!!", applause broke out in the theater. And some were not pleased by this. This is the greatest dramatic litmus test since David Mamet's "Oleanna," and I think theater managers showing this film had better be prepared for fights breaking out in the theater. Just like some of my relatives had better be prepared for me to tell them off in this fashion, which I have been waiting to do since 1978!!!!!!!!

It was one big Bitchfest onstage, and from the footage I have seen (with Kate's scene the best!!!!) the film will prove to be one, too! Girls, I cannot wait to get this on DVD, because, then, if I have a bad day, I can come home and watch this repeatedly, without fear of killing anybody!!!!!

Now, the casting! As stated, Kate Winslet is playing the Hope Davis role. As for the others--

Jodie Foster=Marcia Gay Harden
John C. Reilly=James Gandolfini
Christopher Waltz= Jeff Daniels

Girls, I have to admit to some trepidation, when I saw Jodie's name, because I LOVE Christine and Marcia so much, and they were SO right! But, having seen some footage, I can tell you Jodie will be fine, and she fits, as they all do, into the fabric of the ensemble!!!!!!

When I saw this play on Broadway, I knew someday I wanted to perform it!!!!! Hell, who wouldn't???? It is an actor's dream!!! You not only get to chew up the scenery, but everyone else in sight!!!! "God Of Carnage" is probably the most interchangeable show since "Hello, Dolly!"--it can be done with ethnic couples, mixed faiths, differing sexual orientation--and it will work every time!!!! Wouldn't I love to be in a gay male version of this--darlings, you never saw such bitches!!!!!!!

Of course, lambs, the whole thing is an allegory for America--those who are phony, self-righteous and fatuous enough to think themselves right all the time, and who complacently accept a society where the I-Pod, Kindle and such are more important to them than human values!!!!! I said this years ago, and I stand by this now, darlings--much as I love the Internet, for all the good it has done, and for all that I myself use it--as attested here--were I to awaken tomorrow, and it were gone, I could function!!!! But too many people could not!!!! The mental institutions of this country would be filled to overflowing!!!!!!

So, girls, mark December 16 on your calendars, when "Carnage" opens here. What a lovely Christmas gift, from Roman Polanski to America!!!! You know, I will be there, and, so help me, should a fight break out, you know I will be in the middle of the melee, and report it all to you!!!!!!!!

And darlings, I hear there is a rumor that Ruth Gordon will make a special cameo appearance as Minnie Castevet!!!!!!

Just plain, ordinary Lipton's Tea, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'SVU' Scores Another "A"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweeties, how lucky can one get???? Two gems in one evening. No sooner was I done watching the unseen "Annihilated" episode, then on comes another unseen show, entitled "Anchor." It just kept getting better, I am telling you, especially with three standout performances for the price of one--John Laraquette as pseudo liberal lawyer Randall Carver, an attorney whose agenda no matter who is involved, is somehow always related to his own; kind of a White version of the Reverend Al Sharpton!!!! Then there is Thomas Saloski as Joseph Taggart, the racist you have to see to believe, and let me tell you there are plenty out there. My white trash uncle was a Joe Taggart; no two ways about it. And then there is Bruce McGill as sleazoid talk show host, Gordon Garrison, an amalgamation of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and that ilk.

This was also a showcase for Ice-T as Finn, as Olivia and Elliot are nowhere in sight. Translated, that works out to disgruntled actors trying to settle a contractual dispute!!!!!! Things start out grimly enough with a hooker and her pimp, arguing in an alley, whereupon they discover the body of a little girl, who, as Finn says, is "too young to be in the Life." Soon another little girl is killed, and then a little boy. There is some kind of serial child killer on the loose, who seems to be targeting only ethnic children.

When the boy's parents, who are Chinese, are spoken to, they refer to their child as an "anchor baby"--a child of illegal aliens. Visiting a center trying to help these youngsters, they discover there are plenty of folk out there with a "Born In The USA" mentality, who think these kids have no rights, and deserve to die!!!!!!!! And these flames are fanned by Randall Carver, whose so-called liberal causes fuel more fire from the conservative Right. When we first meet Joe Taggart (Thomas Saloski) he is busting a window in Carver's office, and ranting about how great America and Gordon Garrsion and what he stands for are!!!!!!!! Someone get me a barf bag, quick!!!!!!!!!

As a favor to Carver, Finn lets Taggart walk, which proves to be a mistake, when it is discovered that he is the one targeting these children, because of his racist beliefs!!!!!!! This Taggart is one honeychile', who should have been made to work down South in dem dere cotton fields!!!!!!!!!!!! Things get better, when Taggart is arrested, and Carver elects to defend him (!!!!), saying he was brainwashed by Garrison, and, hence, is a victim!!!!! Which is bull!!!!!!!!

The trial turns out to be a free for all, with polarizing groups fighting each other in court--these scenes were great!!!!--fueled by Gordon Garrison and his mania!!!!! Taggart is found "Not Guilty!" which enrages everyone, but then, before we leave, we see him whisper something to Carver that visibly shocks the attorney. Later that evening, Finn is summoned to Carver's office imploringly. When he gets there, Carver tells him that, before leaving Taggart whispered in his ear--"Now I can go kill the other kids." The camera cuts to Carver holding a gun, and giving it to Finn, and the camera moves to the floor, where we see the bloody body of Taggart. Carver has clearly shot him; and, honey, I say good for you, and Good Riddance!!!!!!!!

This show set one's teeth on edge because the three guest stars were so venal in their performances you hated them simultaneously. Especially Saloski as Taggart, whose performance was so good he runs the danger of being typecast as card carrying racists!!!!!!!!!

I LOVED that Carver shot him!!!!! What a finish!!!!!!!! Now, while this is a great way for television to deal with racism, it is not the way in REAL life!!!!!
Lock the racist in a room with those he most hates, and let things take care of themselves. Kind of like what Bruce Davison did with Ernest Borgnine in "Willard!"

Chomp! Chomp! Darlings! You gotta see this episode!!!!! You will LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Couldn't She At Least Have Been Glamorous, Like Barbara Stanwyck????????

My girls know movies, and so we just LOVE Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson in "Double Indemnity." Cool and calculating, with that blonde wig, the most famous ankle bracelet in movie history, and a killer wardrobe to match her instincts, Phyllis was the Bitch Supreme of her day, unrivaled by anyone until, maybe, Glenn Close played Alex Forrest in "Fatal Attraction."

So, why couldn't this week's Bitch Of The Week winner, Susan Hendricks, at least comb her damn hair???????????

Susan, is of course, the woman from South Carolina (wasn't Susan Smith from there, too; what is it with that state????) who, on October 14, said her son, Matthew killed her husband, stepmother and other son, then took his life. It did not take long for cops to figure Susan's claims amounted to a hill of crap!!!!! Because it turned out SHE killed them all, for the insurance money!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, of course, some family, friends, and enlisted shrinks are claiming she was mentally ill, that she was bipolar. Well listen, lambs, I have known some bi polars in my day, and while they may not be the most tightly wrapped, none of them went out and killed anyone, let alone a mass family extermination.

To think this comes on the heels of Samuel Friedlander, just one week before. Sam blew his brains out; too bad Susan didn't. But look at that face, and hair!!!!!!
No make-up, no style, nothing!!!!!!!!!! There is no excuse for her deeds--both murder AND a bad appearance!!!!!!!!!!!! After all, as Sarah Paulson as our favorite sociopath, Ann Gillette, on 'SVU' proved, whether you are going to luncheon or committing murder, there is no excuse NOT to look your best!!!!!!!!!!

So, here is to Susan Hendricks, this week's Bitch Of The Week! Maybe some gal pals in the slammer can give her some fashion pointers!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pile out, you tramps!!!!!!!!!! It's the end of the line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Who Would Have A Thought A Four-Year-Old Episode Of 'SVU' Could Be So Timely??????

Darlings, it is always exciting, when you discover an episode you have never seen before, and "Annihilated," from 2007 was just such a case. Featuring a bravura performance by Dylan Walsh, whose work I am not familiar with, playing one of the show's most despicable characters, this show could not have been more timely in the face of last week's family murder and suicide by Samuel Friedlander, and the recent extermination of relations by Susan Hendricks, who is looking REAL good right now, to be this week's Bitch Of The Week.

But, getting back to matters at hand. Things start when a career gal, Cynthia, is found raped and murdered. The way her neck was snapped suggests she was killed by someone skilled in military maneuvers. When Benson and Stabler question the girl's parents, they learn of the always talked about, but frequently seen, fiance, named Stephen. HE claims to work for the CIA, which is why he is so secretive. However, smart Mama popped a picture, while he was not looking, at Christmas time, so at least they can see whom they are dealing with.

They trace a cell phone call of his out to some store on Staten Island, that haven of the unsophisticated!!!!!! When they go to question Stephen's wife, she turns out to be married to Malcom Royce..but Malcom is the man in the photo!!!!!!!!!

Seems Malcom has been doing the old 'Captain's Paradise' routine; it looks like he and his wife have reached a marital standoff--her speech about hating to be a housewife had me, thinking, darlings, that she was the perp!!!!!! Which is exactly what the writers here wanted you to think. Because, later on, Lindsay (Mrs. Royce) and the children are found dead, apparently shot. Malcom has been shot too, and is barely alive. But he survives, and at first plays the role of the grief stricken widower, who was menaced by his wife!!!!!! But, I am telling you, honey, he looks too calculating to be believed. And this turns out to be true, because when the forensics team gets in there, they discover, with Lindsay holding the weapon in her hand the way she is, the particular angle at which the gunshot to Malcom hit the bed, and the fact that only Malcom's hands were really on the gun and the cabinet containing it, that things could not have gone down the way Malcom said. Lindsay did not murder the family and take her life; this scum did...only he made sure he survived.

Cute little B.D. Wong, as Dr. Huang, explains, when it comes to killers, Family Annihilators are among the most narcissistic. This guy's ego and sense of entitlement would out do BARBRA, darling!!!!! You had to love Elliot slamming and pummeling this guy, till he admits, "I had to do it!" Sure you did, you piece of filth, because in your own private world, you are its greatest star!!!!!!!!!!!

How fascinating, I thought, and how timely, in the face of Samuel Friedlander, who last week murdered his wife and kids in Westchester, then took his own life! All for selfish, egotistical reasons!!!!!! Which only proves not only that this show DOES get "ripped" from the headlines, but certain headlines get repeated time and again!!!!! Like Susan Hendricks, whom I will deal with another time!!!!!

You have to see this episode, girls, not only for its harrowing story, and Dylan Walsh's dead on performance as slime bucket Malcom!!!! But how the Family Annihilator is more a disturbing presence in our society than one might think!!!!!!!!

Where is Maria Von Trapp, when you need her, loves??????????????

Darlings, Is THIS The "Book Of The Year?"

Well, girls.....not quite!!!!!!!!!

Let's start at the beginning: I read the "Vanity Fair" article, touting both Chad Harbach, and his first novel, "The Art Of Fielding." Which received a ringing endorsement by no less than our Literary/Generational Voice, Mr. Jonathan Franzen, he of the bespectacled dreaminess. With that pedigree, lambs, you know it was set to be, as I earlier posted, one of the Literary Events of the Fall. So,darlings, I simply haaaaaaaaad to read it! How could I show myself at cocktail parties, if I didn't?????

It turned out to be a very interesting experience. I began with some misgivings, because the first chapter turned out to be so loaded with baseball terminology, I thought I would have to purchase a Dummies Guide. Remember, I am someone whose knowledge of that sport comes exclusively from Gwen Verdon and the musical, "Damn Yankees," not to mention that Chris Burns film classic, "These Bases Are Loaded!!!!!"

"Is that what I am in for, the whole time?" I thought. "I will never make it!"

Then it moved away from baseball to developing some kind of narrative, which, by page 35, I was still unsure of. Or whether I wanted to continue, and if I had already wasted my money and time!!!!!! But then came page 50, when everything changed! That commences a chapter on Herman Melville, no less, and from that point, dolls, the book TAKES OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What starts out to be an almost exclusively baseball-centric novel turns into an amalgamation of the sport and American social mores in both academia and athletics. Mr. Harbach can write,; he has an insider's knowledge of both baseball and academics. But he is also full of surprises; one of the primary characters, Owen Dunn, turns out to be gay, and a relationship he develops herein turns out to be the crux of much of what motivates and drives the plot of Harbach's driving novel. I could not stop reading, till I found out what happened to Owen, Pella, Henry, Schwartzy, Affenlight, and the rest, because I was so invested in them, darlings, I literally gobbled this delicious literary delicacy!!!!!

So, why is it not "Book Of The Year???" It will certainly make my "Ten Best" list in a few months, and some, I am certain will choose it as their "Best." What stops it is that rocky start, which did not blow me away!!!!! With last year's book, "Freedom," by Mr. Franzen, you were off and running with the opening sentence, as you were with "The Corrections." Harbach takes time to establish himself, and creates some initial doubt, but, honey, you have to move beyond it, to get at the gold!!!!!!

"The Art Of Fielding" is a singular achievement, that, by the way, will make you want to reread "Moby Dick," which I now want to do--if I can fit it in to everything else, darlings!!!!!!!! It may not be the Novel Of The Year, but it is one of the Best Of The Year, and is certainly the Novel Of The Moment! Read it, girls, before its moment passes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at the bookstore, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, In Brooklyn........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are just happening all over the place, girls!!!! In Brooklyn, scumbag child killer Levi Aron, who murdered Leiby Kletsky last July, is going to pursue an insanity defense, and his lawyers are maintaining that he was coerced into his confession!!!!!

Give me a break, darlings!!!! With the evidence found, who else could have done harm to this child???? What else could have happened???? Leiby cut himself???? Yeah, right!!!! I don't dispute Aron is insane; I said as much from the get go, but I fear his snarky defense team will use that to get him a more lenient sentence. I am not saying he should die, but, honey, anything less than Life, minus parole, violates justice for both Aron and Kletsky. The justice that would restore peace to his family, and allow this poor boy to rest in peace, AND the justice that would keep Levi Aron out of harm's way from both society AND himself!!!!!!

Who needs "Law and Order", when we have all this going on, girls???? As Bob Dylan said, "How many deaths will it take, till we know/That too many people have died?" Not only is the answer Blowin' In The Wind, it is testing us through both the Clementi and Kletsky cases, as different as they are!!!!!

Each child deserves justice!!!!! But time will tell what that justice will be!!!!!

Pound those gavels, darlings!!!!!

Girls, You Have To Hand It To These Two!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These two being, of course, Joe and Jane Clementi, parents of Tyler!!!! The Raving Queen has just learned they were at the court hearing, last Thursday, when Ravi rejected his plea deal, and they had a couple of things to say, which I feel bears mentioning.

First, they praised Judge Glenn Berman, as do I, for not allowing the defense to get their hands on Tyler's things--backpack, handwritten note, computer. His privacy has been violated enough, already; why must it be tampered with, further????

But they also said, that while Ravi should bear legal accountability, they don't think his sentencing should be harsh!!!!! Once he rejected the plea deal, if her is convicted, he will face 10 years imprisonment. The Clementis clearly do not want that harsh a sentence for him.

You have to hand it to them, considering what happened to their child, and how their family was, if not destroyed, irrevocably altered!!! It says much about then, and it shows where Tyler got all those loving, gentle qualities attributed to him!!!!

More than the rest of us, understandably, they want justice for Tyler, and they deserve it!!!! As angry and upset as this whole thing has made me feel, we must use the Clementis as a template!!!! They do not want Ravi burned at the stake; they just want justice served for Tyler, and their family, so that he can Rest In Peace!!!!

Could one ask for better voices of reason here than the Clementis???? I say we follow their example, as no one was hit harder by this than they!!!!!

Justice, tempered with mercy, darlings????????? Yes; but JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, You Need A Finder's Aid Just To Remember The Title!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, girls, I went to see "Martha Marcy May Marlene," a film whose title is so convoluted, it takes awhile before you can remember how to say it. It might as well have been "Charles Nelson Reilly!!!!" Wouldn't it be great, if he had been in this!!!
Having been deceased several years, I think it would have been a miracle!!!!

There are some miracles at work here. The acting is superb. Who would have thought that an Olson girl could act????? (Hard to believe, Elizabeth Olson, the star of the film, is the sister of THOSE Olsons--the twins!!!! At least someone in that family got some talent and intelligence!!!) Said to be partially based on the ordeal of Elizabeth Smart, this is the tale of a young girl's escape from a two year involvement in a cult, and her rocky road back to society. Hence, the film's title; her family calls her "Martha" (which I presume she was christened as), her grandmother's name, we learn, was Marcy, so, in the cult, she is called "Marcy May," and, while hiding out, answering the phone at Sis' home, she refers to herself as "Cousin Marlene"!!!! And it is rocky!!!! Her parents are dead, and her sister (the brilliant Sarah Paulson, who plays our favorite sociopath, Ann Gillette, on 'SVU') is stressed with guilt over not being there for her sister when needed, and trying to hold her marriage together, and start a family.

And the film is downright creepy, as it shifts back and forth from the real world to the cult world, till it is almost impossible to distinguish the two, and tell which is worse!!! But that is before John Hawkes, as Patrick, the leader, shows up. A REAL piece of scum, who preaches back to nature love, and all that crap, sings folk songs like an ersatz Pete Seeger, but makes the boys do all the drudge work, while the girls supply the men with all the sex they want when THEY want it!!! His exploitation of the girls is disgusting, and so is the scene with all the boys one night just taking a stab at it!!!!! If anything, this film truly shows how insidious cults and their leaders are!!!!!

No wonder poor Martha cannot distinguish; there are times, when she mistakes her sister for cult elder Katie, and her brother-in-law for Patrick. Though his behavior is a few short steps away. Not that he exploits Martha, though; he doesn't. But he clearly wants to rule HIS house, and when Martha scorns his ideals, I had to applaud!!!!!

But this is an always unsettling film. The scene where she walks in on her sister and hubby having sex is....creepy!!!!! I am telling you, lambs, I was more disturbed by this film than "Contagion!!!" That film was like a walk in the park, compared to this!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not reveal what the point is where Martha feels she has to leave. Suffice it to say it supports my interpretation for the end, that the cult is coming after her. They have a reason!!!!!!

And there is no let up. even at the end. Things come to a crisis, and it is apparent Martha needs psychological help!!!! So they drive her to a facility--and she is willing!!! But some nut blocks their way in the road, and a car seems to be following them. It is left up to the viewer.....Is it all in Martha's mind?????
Or...is the cult after her!!!!!

I am telling you, darlings, after seeing this film, I had some disturbing dreams last night, and woke up upset. This film gets under the skin, and stays there. But everyone makes it worth watching, with Miss Olson a standout!!!!

Cinderella has finally conquered her Wicked Stepsisters, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, "Snapped!" Is So Much Fun!!!!!!!

Lambs, let me tell you, when there is no "Law and Order" on, "Snapped" does just fine!!!! And yesterday they had a marathon--one sick thing after another!!!! This is a great show to scan for potential "Bitch(es) Of The Week," and the women of this show are just SO hateful, no viewer watching could be accused of misogyny!!!! I found it interesting that "Snapped" is all about women; after all, EVERYONE snaps, but then it is on the Oxygen Channel.

Imagine if there was "Gay Snapped," but, honey, let me tell you, that might be too vicious!!!!! Nasty opera queens killing each other over who sings the best "Norma" at the MET!!!! Bitchy domestic goddess wannabes bitch slapping each other SO silly, over their faux Martha Stewart table centerpiece!!!!! Hell, how about ME, when I walked into Macy's and slapped Martha??? (her picture on a wall!!!!!) This would just be TOO MUCH, even for alternate television!!!!!

Though the "Snapped" I watched yesterday REALLY stood out. This was the tale of Larissa Schuster, whom I dub, "The White Trash Biochemist!!!!!" She looks like some dyke waitress from a North Jersey diner; like Sandy, in the original "Friday, The 13th!!!!" Only Sandy was prettier, and nicer!!!!!

The Schusters were not from Jersey, but near Fresno, California. Lisa and Tim had been married for awhile, and she was one BIG Control Queen!!!!!! She set things up herself, so that she made the bucks, while Tim was the househusband, then, for no discernible reason (like, no other man, because she is too damn ugly!!!!) she wants the norm--she wants a man SHE can depend on, instead of Tim depending on her!!! Well, honey, this is what you SAID you wanted!!!! Bitch!!!!

Poor Tim!!! The marriage crumbles, with her calling him things like "a fucking Faggot!!!!" Honey, what would you know, because no self-respecting faggot would hang out with you!!!!! You are not pretty enough to be a fag hag!!!! Like the late Margaret Whiting!!!!

So she gets this lowlife kid, Jamie Fagone, who looks like a cross between a serial killer and a "Sopranos" extra, to help kill Tim, which involved putting him in a vat, and dissolving him with acid!!!! Sick, huh???? What is even sicker is how Larissa manipulated Jamie into doing it; I hope sex was not involved, because, Jamie, let me tell you, if you had sex with Larissa, you have got some problems!!!!! Lack of taste, for starters!!!!!!!

At first, it seemed like Tim went missing. But things finally caught up with these two scumbags, and they were both arrested and imprisoned for life, without parole!!!! Take the key, and lock these scumbags up!!!!!

Save the best for last, dolls, which was when Kristen, their grown daughter, renounces her mother on the stand!!! Good for you, Kristen!!!! And Ice Queen/Blob Larissa just stares straight ahead!!!!! Honey, next to you, all your fellow inmates will look like Grace Kelly!!!!!

I guess Larissa fell for the American Dream; she wanted to be supported, instead of supporting!!! She should have taken a good look in the mirror, to see how THAT would never happen!!!!!

But for sheer nastiness, you just HAVE to love her!!!! Which is what makes "Snapped!" so fun to watch!!!!!!

Now, don't you all go losing YOUR cool, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, All You Need Is Love!!!!!!!!

This painting, girls, which I would just LOVE to have on one of the walls in my apartment, is of that famous, apocryphal moment, when Gojira (aka Godzilla) makes his initial appearance onscreen, in the original, Japanese film. Which, once seen, will never have anyone looking at that ersatz Raymond Burr version again!!!!

Poor Gojira!!! He is so cute, and yet so unloved!!!! The sacrificial pool of Odo Island has dried up, and what is left is just too darn ugly for him, so, of course, he HAS to go to Tokyo!!!!!! But everyone just screams,and runs away from him!!!! All he wants is a hug!!!! Or, at least, to be thrown some kisses!!!!! As Cass Elliot told Michelle Phillips during their "Mamas and Papas" days, "Fat girls need love, too, Michelle!!!!" So does a big monster, like Gojira!!!!!!!

Which is why I just adore him, and why I love the later film (is it "Godzilla vs. The Thing???"), where the little boy is friends with Gojira!!!! And he is so happy!!!!

Poor Gojira gets a bum rap!!!! Each night before I go to bed, he appears at my window, and I throw him a kiss!!!! It makes him feel so much better, and me, too! So, IF he should appear outside yours, make sure you do, too, darlings!!!!!!

Because, girls, those who don't throw kisses do not get kisses thrown at them!!!!!

Kiss kiss, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Avoid This Clip Joint!!!!!!!

"'Times Have changed,'" asserts Reno Sweeney at the start of "Anything Goes," and I certainly agree. Darlings, in the now thirty plus years I have been working the Upper Amsterdam Avenue area, things have come and gone. But none more so than what has transpired at the corner of Amsterdam and West 68th Street.

During my youth, it was a charming, long standing, greasy spoon joint and bar, known as "Pat's." It was like something out of "The Iceman Cometh," loves, but the burgers, fries, anything there was fabulous. Lunch and dinner hours were packed!!!
And Pat and his wife, Jenny, were the real thing--a couple of Irish American working stiffs who worked themselves up from the waterfront, to here. When they eventually sold, they were (and still are) greatly missed by some, but, hopefully, it netted them a bundle, and a cozy retirement!!!!! But, lambs, let me tell you, things have been going downhill, ever since!!!!!!

"Brian's Deli" opened in its place, and I can tell you, their record has been spotty. In the beginning I used to get everything--coffee, sandwiches, even the salad bar--from there--with no impunity!!!! But, time went on, and practices lapsed; in the last five years, say, one of my coworkers and I were made sick, due to the salad bar--not badly, but just enough to ward me off from it forever. There was a rumor that fecal matter was finding its way into some of the trays. So it was sandwiches, where the staff wore gloves, from then on. And coffee, of course!!!!
It is hard to ruin that!!!!

I stuck to the cake treats for awhile, unharmed, until, about a month ago, one afternoon on my break, I went for the coffee--and the place had been closed by the Grand Marshall!!!!!!!!!!! Would you believe the salad bar was still sitting out, and remained there, for days???? Eewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! At first I thought it was health code violations, but we found out it was a landlord dispute; the owner had not paid the rent.

So many always suspected something was going on there--like drug deals, and white slavery!!!! The place is owned and operated by this slant-eyed ice queen of imperious Asian extraction, known as the "Dragon Lady," who reminds me of Bea Lillie as Mrs. Meers in "Thoroughly Modern Millie," while resembling someone out of "Terry And The Pirates!!!" And she is probably operating the same kind of joint, as Meers, so, I am telling you, girls, do NOT go in there, else you are liable to be sold into white slavery. And you should see the staff!!! Exploited immigrant labor; you know the kind, that gets picked up early mornings along Queens highways, or mentally impaired Down Syndrome guys, who look meancing enough to do any wicked thing Dragon Lady tells them to do!!! And very likely does!!!!!!

Save for coffee, I don't frequent this place, and I am telling you all not to. They ARE getting desperate; putting up signs advertising freebies and luncheon specials, which, indicates to me this place is on the way out, with Dragon Lady about to be deported to Shanghai!!!!!!!!!!!

Even Chung King had more class than these lowlifes!!!!!!

Dong! Dong!, darlings!!!! Back to Hong Kong they go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Want To Perform At El Rancho!!!!!!!

Honey, with the way the economy has been tanking, it may not be too long, before I am performing at the same down and out South Jersey nightclub as Susan Alexander in "Citizen Kane!" Maybe if I am lucky, I can wear the same Dorothy Comingore wig and gown; that would be SO fabulous!!!!!!!!!

But, let me tell you a couple of things, dears!!!! At the point we get to this in the film, what people have come to see at El Rancho is a down and out has been, who was never much to begin with, but who is trying to use the social prominence she still has by name to jump start whatever is left of her career!!! And she needs John to get her those drinks, after the two floor shows!!!!

Well, I plan to do two floor shows nightly, and John may have to get me some drinks, too, but that is as far as it goes. Because when they come to see ME darlings, they will see a still youthful baby boomer who can out belt BARBRA while belting back Bloody Marys, Screwdrivers, Cape Cods...whatever!!!! I will do every show tune they want, and EVERY song on "The Barbra Streisand Album," including "Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf????" Woof woof, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad as things are, I may be reduced to living out of my dressing room, or a trailer in South Jersey, but if you think I am going to sacrifice taste, forget it, because that room or trailer will have designer fabrics, no matter what!!!! You had better believe THAT, honey!!!!!!!

Don't worry; if I get my act together you will all be informed and invited!!!!

Now, if only someone would build a Xanadu for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren't They Just SO Cute, Girls????????????????

"They," of course, are Cellino and Barnes, of the so-named enterprising law firm!!!!
With a good advertising manager, who showcases them on television constantly, and, after yours truly gets through with them, via this blog, they will be so sought after, clients will have to be turned away in droves!!!!!!!!!

Just look at that picture, darlings!!!!!!!!!! Makes one feel so good about consulting a lawyer, which isn't always the case, because, let me tell you, despite what TV portrays, real life lawyers aren't even as nice looking as Cellino and Barnes!!!! The majority of them are just plug ugly!!!!!!

And would you believe, lambs, with all MY years in "the business", I am still expected to audition????? It's a crime; isn't it??? But after hearing their (C and B's) charming advertising jingle, I think I will sing that at my next audition. Imagine:

"Cellino and Barnes.
Injury attorneys.
1-800-621...2020!!!!!"

OK, so it isn't Cole Porter or Sondheim. BUT the melody is charming and infectious, and, when I do it in a red teddy, slinging my hips, in my most lighthearted matter, it is sure to catch producers' attention. Hell, if I could just do that for Bartlett Sher, he could tie a tin can around the tail of that little broad, named Lauren Ambrose, and toss her out into the street, where she belongs!!!!

But this is not what my girls want to know. When it comes to Cellino and Barnes, what my girls want to know is--

1. Who is the top, and who is the bottom?
2. Who wears panties??????

Let's start at the beginning. I think the guy with hair and broad shoulders, to the left, is Cellino, while the baldie to the right, is Barnes. Cellino looks like he could definitely be a top, but you have to wonder--these guys are great legal partners, but who knows? Maybe it is more than that, in which case I could easily see them switching off. I get the impression, from Barnes' portrait that he likes to top out , once in awhile!!!!!!

As for the panties, well, that's Cellino!!! Why??? Honey, I have been around the block, so let me tell you something--the butcher the guy seems on the outside, the more femme he is within!!!!! That is why so many power mongers, gay OR straight, like to get beaten by dominatrices, and why gay nerdy guys pull their pullets for hunks, like in Titan Media Productions!!! Opposites attract, loves, and each represents what the other wants to be!!! An important axiom in the gay community, lamb chops!!!!!!

So, girls, next time you need a lawyer, or, if you just want some legal action for yourself, call Cellino and Barnes!!!!! They are just SO cute!!!!!!

And bet their dockets and Dockers are nicely filled, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, "In Xanadu, Did Kubla Kahn A Stately Pleasure Dome Decree!!!!!!"

"'Course we're diff'rent, because WE live in a palace!"
---Dorothy Comingore as Susan Alexander Kane


Darlings, I am telling you, I could not believe it!!!! Having not seen "Citizen Kane" in at least 10 years, I made a beeline to the Film Forum, where this gem is playing through today!!! Some movies get better with additional viewings, and this is certainly one!!!!

When I was growing up, lambs, there were two films always talked about as being greater than anything else--"Citizen Kane" and "Gone With The Wind." Both could not be any different; the latter traditional, the former breaking ground. Are they both great films???? Yes!!!!!!!!!! Is one the "Greatest???" Honey, those distinctions went out with Nehru jackets!!!!!!!

Actually, "Citizen Kane" is more Gothic than romantic; in style and tone it is closer to "Rebecca" than "Gone With The Wind." And my relationship with this film has grown over the years.

I can remember the first time I saw it, which was in a film course, in college!!! I was SO psyched, darlings!!!! But I turned out to be underwhelmed; I loved the visuals, but I couldn't say--THEN--that I found it compelling. But then a couple of things happened. One was the kidnapping, during my college years of Patricia Campbell Hearst!!! The other was Pauline Kael publishing "The 'Citizen Kane' book, which featured not only the complete shooting script, but her famous essay, "Raising 'Kane'"!!!!!!! After reading through all this, I was ready to take on "Citizen Kane" again, and when I did--WOW!!!!!!!

This is one film where having some background knowledge beforehand helps. It definitely paves the way for a more appreciative initial viewing, not to mention subsequent ones. After 70--yes, darlings!!!--years, the film is amazing!!!! When the black smoke poured out of Xandau's chimney, and the camera pulled back for its legendary final shot, the audience was awed!!!! And just sat there for several seconds, after the film ended, and the lights came up!!!! You don't see that at an Adam Sandler film, darlings!!!!!!!

But let's get to my favorite topic--the mystery!!!! The film unravels kind of like an historical/biographical mystery, but let me tell you, the REAL mystery of "Citizen Kane", if you are not a first time viewer, is not the identity of "Rosebud",
but.....why the hell Dorothy Comingore's career went nowhere!!!!!!!!

So many people connected with this film--Joseph Cotten, Agnes Morrehead, Everett Sloane, Paul Stewart, went on to other things. And so, too, did two of this film's editors, whose names you now may recognize--Robert Wise and Mark Robson!!!!

Dorothy Comingore should have been a major star!!!! She is brilliant in the role of Susan Alexander Kane (based on Marion Davies), and, next to Welles, has the film's best, and showiest part!!!! Her scenes in the nightclub when drunk, the jigsaw puzzles, the opera....when she is onscreen you cannot take your eyes off her!!!! And she nails that whole cheap cocktail waitress thing, for, honey, that is exactly what Susan Alexander was--a cheap cocktail waitress whom Kane saw as one he could obsessively mold to his own whim!!!! It was certainly the breakout role of Comingore's career, and it should have led to a major career!!!!!

BUT--

Prior to this, Comingore had been featured in a string of B movies. She had been discovered years before by Chaplin. Welles saw one of these films, and sensed something in her that would be right for Susan. But, in order to get the performance out of her that he did, sources say Welles treated her as abusively on the set, as Kane treats Susan!!!! So much so that costar Ruth Warrick complained to Welles. His claim was it was necessary, as he felt that Comingore was as limited as an actress as Susan Alexander was as a singer!!!!! He may have been right; he may have been wrong, but, while she worked afterwards, Dorothy Comingore never scaled these heights again!!! She was never given another chance to!!!! Then came the McCarthy Blacklisting, which she was caught up in, and which basically finished whatever career she still had for good!!!!!

"Citizen Kane" was a film that was daring for its time, and let me tell you, 70 years later, it still seems as daring, as there is nothing else near it out there today. Thirty four years later, in 1975, Robert Altman made his masterpiece, "Nashville," which, with its like media orientation, I declared it to be the 'Citizen Kane' of its day, and I still stand by that, darlings!!!! But it did not occur to me, until yesterday, that, like 'Kane', "Nashville" has its counterpart Comingore figure, in Ronnee Blakley!!!!!!

Who could forget her performance as Barbara Jean in "Nashville"???? I am telling you, back then, there was a point where I was convinced I WAS Barbara Jean!!!! Who, back then, could forget "Newsweek's" cover story on the film, with Altman and Blakley
featured prominently on the cover????? The article, speaking of Blakley, heralded the arrival of a major star!!!! She was Oscar nominated!!!! And, like Comingore, her performance was the most compelling in Altman's film. Except, unlike Comingore, she had a VOICE!!!!!

While Blakely's years were not tragic like Comingore's, she too never scaled the heights of this film again. She did appear, in a minor role, in another relatively well known film, whose title also begins with "N"--as a mother in the original "A Nightmare On Elm Street!!!!" She made some albums, and continued to perform, but, eventually, like Comingore, Ronee Blakely, though still alive, is not heard from much, now!!!!

It is fascinating how these two films intersect. And how the actresses playing the most compelling character in each never moved beyond their achievements herein!!!

Is there such a thing as being too good in ONE role???? Were Comingore and Blakley operating within their own prescribed limitations, so that they would never be able to do so again???? Maybe Welles was right??? Except, if he had been, Comingore NEVER would have been able to give the performance she did here!!!! Neither would Blakley in "Nashville!"

Darlings, we just LOVE "Citizen Kane," and we just LOVE Dorothy Comingore as Susan Alexander!!!!! Seventy years later, (I think this blog just answered the question I was posing, loves!!!!) both the film and she shine brightly, and always will!!!!!

And, girls, wait till you see MY nightclub act, with the cheap skylight!!!!!!

Girls, Is Homophobia Rearing Its Ugly Head???????

You have to wonder, darlings, in light of some recent developments in the Tyler Clementi case!!!!

Judge Glenn Berman, who, hitherto, has done an excellent job, made a decision I question highly, when he maintained that the identity of "M.B.", Tyler Clementi's companion, be revealed to both Dahrun Ravi and his defense team. This is a mistake.

First of all, how is it relevant to the situation at hand???? It is not; furthermore, with the defense out to demonize a tragically deceased young man, now they want to demonize someone while he is alive??? This is turning into some kind of Homosexual Witch Hunt!!!!

I will admit, I am as curious as the next guy about the one Tyler Clementi was with. We already know, through HIS attorney, that he does not want to come forward, as he is uncomfortable with people finding out he is gay. Which clearly shows that he has something to hide--a partner, straight or otherwise, an unsympathetic family, a hostile work environment. All of which deserve exposure, by the way!!!! What is even stranger is not only is his identity to be revealed, but his date of birth??? What bearing does that have on anything??? If Tyler were underage, maybe, but he was eighteen, free, and legal!!!!! Several references have been made to M.B.'s "occupation," which tells me he is NOT a student at Rutgers, but out of college and working. Or he could be working his way through school at another nearby institution. In any case, he did not have to live among the Rutgers community 24/7, like Tyler, which put him at a distanced advantage.

Now, Berman has stipulated that Ravi and team must not reveal M.B.'s identity to anyone else. Come on; are you kidding??? As soon as the info is revealed, somehow it will be leaked out, and this guy will have no life to himself any more, as he will be targeted from all sides--the media, Tyler supporters and detractors--who will want to extract every piece of information from him in order to piece together more information about Tyler. Which is exactly what the defense wants to do; because M.B. did not kill himself, even though he too was filmed by Ravi, they hope that what he says (or what they try to coerce him into saying) will indicate there was much more to Tyler's mental state that led him to suicide than being filmed by Ravi and Wei!!!!
Bullshit!!!!!!!!! This indicates desperation on the defense's part, and if they were so smart, shouldn't it occur to them that forcing this hand could blow up in their faces???? It could, and, honey, I sure hope it does!!!!!

As for M.B.'s posturings about not wanting others to know he is gay, I think the gentleman doth protest too much!!! Let me say, looking back on my life, I understand to a point. Let's say this guy is, at most, twenty five. He has emotional security issues, which, when you are gay, is a given. He is young enough, and inexperienced enough, for him not to realize he has more to gain than lose by coming out. And, yes, I know that is his business, and a decision he should make in his own time, and on his own terms. But if there is a veneer of hypocrisy hidden here--a wife and kid, a history of gay action on the side--it should be exposed, because I will not tolerate it, as this only fuels America's already rampant homophobia, and perpetuates it. But you have to feel sorry for this guy--he hooks up with a younger fellow for some mutual pleasure....and then said fellow turns out to be the subject of the most profiled gay related news story in the ten years since Matthew Sheppard was murdered!!!!! As enlightened as I am now, that would give me cause for concern; now, imagine someone not so enlightened!!!!!

And, honey, let me tell you, since he and Tyler did hook up, they had more occupying themselves than verbal ramblings about their emotional states. And the fact that Tyler pursued this indicates to me a healthy outlook--comfortable with himself, desiring some kind of a connection, maybe even experience that would eventually net him, if not with this guy, then another, a long term relationship!!!!
Tyler's behavior at this point is indicative to me here of a healthy mind state, no matter how the defense tries to smear him.

I can tell you, if Tyler had stuck around, had he spoken for himself (though I wonder if the prosecution would have put him on the stand), this would be done with right now, and Ravi would be behind locked doors.

Let's pray he soon is, for justice for Tyler's sake. And he may well be, which leads to the second development here. It seems young Rajah Of Self-Righteousness Dahrun Ravi was offered a plea deal, which could have kept him out of prison!!!! But, because he feels he is SO right, he rejected that, and so a trial date has been set for February 21, 2012. New Brunswick will certainly be a hot bed or media presence then, so that town had better watch out, and start getting ready now. Ravi is so smugly confident he will win; he needs to wipe that smirk off his face. He is the center of his own show, but let me tell you, there is much more at stake here than HIM!!!! I said it once and I say it again, a victory here would be dangerous, because then personal responsibility goes out the window, and it then would become acceptable not only to encroach upon homosexuals, but would trickle on down to ANYONE who does not meet America's unwritten and judgemental criteria of normality.

That is what is at stake here! And it is what Tyler, looking on, wants us to fight for!!!! He deserves justice for himself, and to prevent future Tyler occurrences!!!!

Listen to him ,darlings!!!! Don't allow discrimination--of any kind--to flourish!!! The clock must not be allowed to turn back!!!!!

Let it start ticking, once Ravi begins his jail term!!!!!!!

Darlings, You Will Never Eat Sushi Again!!!!!!!!

Or pork, for that matter, to those of you who like 'dere Smothered Po'k Chops!!!!!!
Yesterday, dolls, I saw "Contagion," which turned out to be more fun than I thought. An all-star cast, dropping like flies!!!! I am telling you, no one has died better onscreen in more recent times than Gwyneth Paltrow, who, in a small role, makes every moment count!!!! Poor Gwynnie; first, she gets decapitated, with her head in a box, in "SeVen," now she gets her corpse's scalp sawed off surgically--and, lucky us, we get to watch it!!!!! But you have to hand it to her; she may not be the actress her mother, Blythe, is, but she is a real trouper!!!!!

I have to say, too, darlings, that I was just a little bit insulted by the fact there is no mention in this film of the virus hitting New York City!!!!! I mean; come on!!!!! If this situation were real, this city would be one of the first places to be gobbled up!!!! Was this a calculated move, on the filmmakers' part???? I wonder!!!!

The flow of the opening had a brilliance that the rest of it lacked. Not that it is bad, it is just typical Steven Sodderbergh, and while this film is more interesting than others he has done--at least it is not "Traffic," thank God, and is not interminably long, as that film was--the style is SO formulaic there is no real spontaneity or excitement to it, which keeps the viewer at a distance, and prevents overly sensitive souls, like myself, from being traumatized!!!! Though, girls, I am telling you, as soon as the lights went up, I ran to the bathroom, and scrubbed my hands with soap as furiously as Lady Macbeth!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine, Elliot Gould back in a film!!! How do ya like that, Barbra???? And doesn't he look well put together, at least; last time I saw him, darlings, believe me, he did not look SO good!!!!!! A bit of nip and tuck, El????? And I resent his line about blogging; obviously, no one connected with the film has read THIS blog, or else that line would not have been in the script. And while we are talking about script, why couldn't the writers make up their minds about Jude Law, as the blogger???? First, they make him a maverick, with his criticisms of governmental and scientific bureaucracy, then they turn around and demonize him as a profiteer from misery!!!! Which is it, guys???? You can't have it both ways!!!!!

At least "Contagion" is better than "Cloverfield"!!!! Hell, even "Plan Nine From Outer Space" is!!!! But it is never as fun as it should be; maybe it needed a dash of Michael Moore, or Morgan Spurlock!!!! But let me tell you, girls, there is nothing to be afraid of by seeing this movie!!!!!

Unless you do not have a good astringent on hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, It Is Darn Near A Tie This Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you, darlings, nothing is predictable about Bitch Of The Week!!! It can be feast or famine. As of late last night, I had no idea who was going to be singled out, but then the network news presented me with two possible contenders. I will mention both, then designate a winner!!!!!!

Too bad Samuel Friedlander is not alive!!!! Not that he deserves to live, but, had he lived, he would have won hands down!!!! Mr. Friedlander, girls, is the scumbag, psychopathic Westchester lawyer (are there any other kind??? Lawyers, I mean; not Wescheser-ians!!!!!) who murdered his wife, Amy, and children, Molly and Gregory, 10 and 8, respectively, before going to the basement and shooting himself with an .870 gauge!!!! I cannot tell you how disgusted I am over this, as it speaks of so much EGO!!!! Mr. Corporation Attorney was facing his marriage going down the tubes, possible financial ruin, and losing custody of the kids!!!! OK, it is enough to depress one, it is enough to drive one to suicidal thoughts. But, Sammy, keep them to yourself!!!! You hate your wife??? Fine!!!! But don't take it out on her, via murder!!!! And, worse, not your children, who are COMPLETELY devoid of guilt from the debacle which may have been your marriage.

Rumors flourish that wife Amy, 46, a business woman herself, was trying to turn the kids against him, and that she and--maybe--the kids were belittling him. This may be false, this may be true, but what I want to know is, if things were so acrimonious at home, why didn;t one of these financially able adults just up and leave the premises????? Then this tragedy might have been averted!!!!! Were BOTH just too selfish over their property???? You have to wonder!!!!!!!

But I don't wish to demonize Amy Friedlander, about whom little is known. Had hubby lived, he would not only have lived to see himself named Bitch Of The Week, but also land a criminal conviction, which would have netted him Death or Life!!!!!!!

Too bad, Sam, you cowardly scum!!!! As my girls know, from my Tyler Clementi postings on here, I am not one to make light of suicide!!!!! But this one was motivated by nothing more than the killer's arrogance and hubris!!!!!! Hope you like the feel of pitchforks searing into your skin, Sam!!!!! Because that is what you are facing right now!!!!!!!

What is it with parents these days, loves???? Because both subjects of this posting are singularly bad parents. Our other contender, living, is Juliette Dunn of Danbury, Connecticut, who, back in June, was accused of feeding her two kids, ages four and ten months, respectively, beer and cocaine!!!! To think she hails from Danbury, Connecticut!!!!! Can you believe such lowlife exists in the state known for Yale, Miss Porter's, and Darien????? Even better, her lesbian companion, Lisa Jefferson, is being convicted along with her!!!! As last night's 'Criminal Intent', with that sick Saphic Nicole Wallace trying to storm academia, minus credentials, proves, there is nothing more scary than a Murderous Lesbian!!!!! They are scary enough when not such, but when they they are, the Mercury just soars through the barometer!!!!!

Lambs, Miss Juliette Dunn is the Bitch Of The Week!!!! Her children may still be alive, but if remaining with her, they won't be for long!!!!! Not only she, but Mr. Friedlander, speak vociferously against the Tea Party's anti-birth control and Pro Life stance!!!!!! Some people are better off not having children!!!!!!

Darlings, a big hand for Juliette Dunn--a true Mother From Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You will be there soon, darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!