This Is What Happpens To Good Gay Boys, Who Go Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                "Hey! Where is eeeeeeeeeevertybody?"
                                                  --Patty Duke, as Neely O'Hara, in
                                                 "Valley Of The Dolls" (1967)

                  You all know it, girls!  It is the stuff of what role models and reenactments at certain parties are made of!   So many of us--and I was one--wanted to be Neely, when "Valley Of The Dolls" first passed our way.  But, let me tell you, none of us want to end up in the gutter, screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So, I am going to tell you a series  of ways to avoid this.  Mistakes that, had Neely heeded, she would not have been in this situation.

                  1. Drugs--Avoid them!  I mean, we have just dealt with Philip Seymour Hoffman this week.
                      Neely, at this point, is just one step away from Philip.  If she drugs after this point, she is
                      finished, just like him.  Darlings,  my mix of a nice balance of caffeine (coffee) and Klonopin
                      will do the trick nicely--get you up, but keep you mellow!  That's how it is done, girls!!!!!!!!

                  2. Do not let your show's costume designer dress you like a cheap cocktail waitress.
                      Come on; that trampy green thing Neely wore, with those black wraparounds, should
                      not be worn by anyone!  Even Alice Crimmins had better taste!  If the designer throws this at
                      you, you throw it right back

                   3 .Be on the lookout for young, Streisand wannabes--no matter the gender!  Helen
                      Lawson had her eyes on Neely, because she was clearheaded.  But Neely, being
                      zonked all the time, thought Allison was a nice kid, and did not realize until too
                      late, what a danger she was.  By the time of the understudy catfight, it was too late.
                      At the first rehearsal, when Allison wowed everyone with her song, that is when Neely
                      should have thrown her sorry ass into the street and said, "This is MY show, honey!
                      Get one of your own!"  Because trouncing on a star's show is worse than running
                      off with her husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   4. If you think the whole world loves you, make sure there are enough others around,
                       to support that claim.  If you are your own fan club, you are in trouble!

                   5. Be nice to the servant-like   bar server, no matter what color.  At least, Neely
                       understood that. Otherwise, not only don't you get drinks, there is no one
                       to bum money off of, when you need a cab ride, back to the hotel!!!!!!!!!!

                   6. Never say, "Who needs you?  You're just an agent!"  to your agent. Because,
                       not only will he walk out, but by the next day, this story will be all over town--
                       on both coasts, girls--and no one else will ever sign you on!

                   7. You do NOT do the second act first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   8.  Yes, Anne may have gotten by on a free pass, because of her classy looks,
                         but never tell her THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   9.  When you rip your rival to shreds in the bathroom, never do it with the
                          attendant around.  Bathroom attendants TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                 10.   Lastly, don't think about moving up too fast!  Planning on getting a
                         mink coat, and a big terraced apartment, when all you have is a guest
                         appearance on a TV marathon, and a nightclub gig does not mean

                         you have made it YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Just take a look at this, dears!  If you don't follow my advice, this is what could happen to you!  Only, don't expect to look so good as Barbara Parkins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         "Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"