I Need An Insanity Room, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                   

                                                                             

         I would love to say I got my décor inspiration from Cecil Beaton and "My Fair Lady."  He certainly played a part, but my earliest influence came from "Little Dot" in Harvey Comics, because  I loved her walls all covered over with black dots, in what was a blue or white background.  Being as orange is a favorite color of mine, I would have opted for the blue background and orange dots.  I can actually recall trying to talk my father into painting my bedroom this way.  He did not buy it.

         Lately, I have felt the need for an insanity room, a place to go where I am feeling insane.  Not for interminable periods, like Lucy Harbin, but when I am feeling my most unstable and anxious.  I just go there, until the feeling passes.

          The way I would decorate it, though, let's see how long I could stay there.

           Here is what it would look like.

           Take a square space.  The ceiling would be painted completely orange, and the floor would be covered over completely, in an orange carpet.

            The front and back walls would be painted.  The front would alternate red and yellow stripes, going in a diagonal fashion, covering the entire wall.  The back would be a red background, in the center of which would be painted a yellow lightning bolt.  Kind of like The Flash or Captain Marvel.

              The side walls would be blown up photographs.  Looking to my left, would be the iconic image of Pippa Scott from "The Searchers," and to my right, the famous Myra Hindley photo!!!!!!!!!!!!

                How is that for décor, girls?  Does that not beat all?  Imagine me serving tea, here!

                Really, I have GOT to call Lee, and make a luncheon date with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Tale Of Two Lucys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Lucy Edwards, and Lucy Harbin.  I just LOVE them both.  And Lucy Ricardo, though she does not figure in this post.

                           After musing on "The Searchers" for as long as I have been, I thought--what if you switched each Lucy from their respective film, and into the other's?   What would the results be?

                           Let's start with Lucy Edwards, played by Pippa Scott.  Her presence in "The Searchers" is key, but brief.  What would happen if you placed her in "Strait-Jacket?"

                            Well, darlings, for one thing, it would turn a William Castle film into a Hallmark Hall Of Fame drama.  Without fear to override her, Lucy Edwards, as Carol, would be the sweetest thing, and not the duplicitous bitch Diana Baker was.  Lucy Edwards would fool even the Fields, who would override Lucy Harbin's low social origins, and consent to allow Lucy Edwards to marry their son.  Who would inherit the farm, and they would have a gaggle of kids.

                              With, as I have said before, Lucy and Mrs. Harbin becoming fast friends, going out one night a week each, to bang every buck in that town.

                                "Strait-Jacket," with Lucy Edwards, in it, would become almost as charming as "Moonstruck!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                 Now, what if Joan, as Lucy Harbin, were put into "The Searchers?"

                                 Anyone who has seen "Johnny Guitar" has sort of an idea.  But let me go further.

                                 Forget John Wayne!  With Lucy Harbin on the frontier, there would be no need for him, and when Ethan comes to visit, Lucy Harbin would make that clear, right away.  Ethan would have his visit, then be seen no more.

                                  As for the famous raid, it simply would  not have happened.  Joan would have faced the Comanches on the front porch, and, once they saw her, in her Forties regalia, bracelets and necklaces dangling, making all sorts of noise, they would have been stopped in their tracks.  They would not know how to deal with a force such as this, Lucy Harbin would blast them off the property, as the Comanches would be so amazed her make-up outdoes theirs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    With the Indians gone, and everyone alive, Lucy Harbin's next task would be to fix up Debbie--be it Lana or Natalie--by dressing them in some ravishing Adrian gowns, not some faux frontier garb brought at some Southwestern gift shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Of course, "The Searchers" would have been more of a movie short, then!  But just as iconic!

                                        Too bad Lucy Harbin could not have wandered into "Mildred Pierce."  Veda would never have taken Monte, then, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother Of Mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is The Apocalypse Upon Us????????????????

                              Like I said, darlings, April seems to be the cruelest month, and it keeps getting more so.  The latest word on the street is that ANNA--Anna Wintour, that is--may be leaving "VOGUE."  I have talked already about the dearth of glamour in this town; should this occur, we are done for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                I know, I know, I do my best, but there is only so much that I can do.  I do not have the power of ANNA!

                                 The good news is that nothing has been confirmed. ANNA has mentioned leaving the post, following her daughter's wedding, this Summer, but Conde Nast has not confirmed this, saying it does not want to lose ANNA, or has any intention of letting her go.

                                   I mean, who would take over this coveted role?  Lee is a bit too old, and I am not qualified.  MERYL still has an acting career, and Grace Coddington has retired.

                                    Any successor could NOT top ANNA.  Oh, I know the same was said about Diana Vreeland, but then along came ANNA.

                                     Unless there is some fashion genius out there that ANNA knows about, and that she selects herself, fashion in this town is done for, after ANNA leaves.  Manhattan will become as provincial as any Midwestern city!  Culture mavens will vacate.  But, to where?

                                       Let us pray, darlings, this does not happen.

                                       But, just for the best, start appraising those designer duds in your closet, right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Already I Can Tell You.....This Is The GAY Book Of The Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 If there is one thing that characterizes many gay men, including myself, it is a yearning for glamour.  The history of such is filled with many, but Janet Auchincloss, and her daughters Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, and Princess Lee Radziwill reign supreme.  That they were not two of Truman Capote's Swans is surprising to me.  Though Truman and Lee, beginning with her acting phase, and ending in 1977, had something of a friendship.  How that friendship ended is one of the disappointing tidbits not mentioned in this book.  Along with the omission of Marge Simpson, and her sisters, Patty and Selma Bouvier, and the Spinster City apartments.  Really, since all things here are Kennedy connected, the 1975 murder of Martha Moxley deserved at least a reference.  But, alas, no.

                                Some of the book is downright shocking.  It actually attests that Janet conceived her daughters, Jackie and Lee, by spooning her supposedly impotent hubby's (Hugh Auchincloss) sperm, from which she had to extract from a supposedly impotent man, into her vagina.  Further, it asserts that Lee--LEE, whom I revere--actually--oh, to think of it--actually, like ordinary mortals, went to the bathroom!  Which meant Jackie and Janet...can such things be believed?  Although, from Lee, we get a home tip--each time Lee was through with the facilities, a maid would appear out of nowhere, and insert a gardenia, into the toilet.  For freshness, Lee maintains.  So, girls, tell your maids to get going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   But, my God!  La Caravelle, Le Pavillion, Tavern On The Green, The Colony Club, Miss Porter's,(where Jackie and Lee went, and I wish I had gone!!!!!!!!!!!!) the story of the Beales and Grey Gardens, the designers, the textures and fabrics....all are recounted here!!!!!!!!!

                                     And those Mother-Daughter teas at the Plaza, which Janet held till the girls were well on their way to middle age.  Here is a tip from Janet, darlings--Do not invite total strangers into your house, and let them sit on your good, antique furniture.  I can speak to the truth of this--every time Auntie Alvin, hardly a stranger, visits us, a bug or two is spotted soon afterwards.  It frightens Baby Gojira, Ramsey, and Ramsey, Jr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      The heartbreak of the assassination has been written about countless times, but this is the first rendering I have read of it, and it was certainly a horror show for all involved.  To think PTSD was not even a concept, back then!  And how about Jackie losing her first child, Arabella, then Baby Patrick, before scoring with Caroline and John Jr?  And Lee losing a child, before scoring with Anthony and Christina?  Not to mention Jackie's painful, cancerous death, her mother, Janet's, and later, John Jr.'s and Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy's deaths in that plain crash, in 1999.  Thank God Jackie was not here to see that.  It would have killed her, for sure!

                                        It is moments like these that one is deeply moved, and this books reads like Joan Didion.  I wonder if Jackie and Joan ever met, or hung out?  It would almost seem appropriate, as the pair seem like soul sisters, united Daughters Of Tragedy.

                                         But, maybe because I am a bit Capote-esque myself, it is Lee who fascinates me.  How she evolved from the chubby frump on the cover jacket, to the symbol of glamour she stood for, and to which so many gays aspired, is told movingly against the background of always having to be in Jackie's shadow.  It must have been daunting.  Even though Janet always referred to her as "My Lee," Jackie was clearly the favorite.

                                          Lee was the stylish, creative, adventurous one.  She was also younger, which meant she had permission to be less conventional, and lead a freer life.  I mean, she became a real Princess, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Aren't we all???????????  With all she stood for, and, in light of her time with Capote, it is amazing to me Lee did not become one of the century's great fag hags!!!!!!!!!!!!   We all idolize and admire her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I guess she was conventional, enough.

                           Just look at Jackie and Lee. Glamour personified, atop the most decorated camel in history. And get a load of the colors, and the fabrics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            This book will arouse gays' appetites to be Jackie or Lee.  I am going with Lee, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  To do that, dine at La Grenouille, Harry Cipriani, or whatever is left that passes for glamour in this town, now!

                             Not much is left. Jackie and Lee got there first.  Two beacons that shined brightly!

                             Now, it is up to us, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is The Most Horrific Close-Up In Film History!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                I guess with  all the morbidity confronting me via my father's passing, I would think back to this. Now, I would not blames those of you out there for thinking this is a still from  a horror movie, though it is not.  However, much of the film, especially the opening, does have the tension and infusion of anxiety, characteristic of a horror film.

                                This is Pippa Scott, as Lucy Edwards, early on, in John Ford's 1956 western, "The Searchers."  This is the moment where Lucy realizes what is actually going to happen to she and her family--they will be raided and killed by Comanches, and there is nothing to be done about it.

                                 Let me tell you, the first time I tried to see "The Searchers," in a film class in college, I did not see it, because I could not get past this moment.  I literally ran out of the room.  Fortunately, the professor had another screening, and understood I was overwhelmed, and that I understood what Ford was trying to do.  This, a house ablaze, but no bloodshed or violence.  Horror, in terms of what frightens us most.

                                  I have seen "The Searchers" all the way through, and while it has all the trappings I have mentioned, plus some stunning visual shots, there is one flawed thing in it.  That is Natalie Wood, as the grown Deborah Edwards, who is responsible for the title.  Aaron Edwards and his family were Ethan's (Wayne) descendants, and he is out to find Debbie, and wreak vengeance.  Yes, he finds Debbie, but Natalie, who had just matured the year before in an Oscar nominated performance in "Rebel Without A Cause," comes off as a stock player, someone who wandered, by mistake, onto the set of this film, when she should be playing Tiger Lily in the musical "Peter Pan."  Yes, she is a bit campy.

                                  Lana Wood, her sister, plays Deborah as a child, and does better by the role.  This was a good ten or so years, before she would go on to play the iconic role of Plenty O'Toole, in "Diamonds Are Forever" (1971).  She is integral to the horrific opening, and is present during Pippa's iconic moment.

                                    But back to Pippa.  This was her film debut, and while she had a reasonable career, I am telling you, nothing tops her moment here.  It is the greatest depiction of human fear I have ever seen.  Look at how the veins stand out, on her forehead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      If Pippa had done nothing else, she would be remembered for a moment, that is good enough to have earned her an Oscar, if they were given for individual moments.  Ford must have done magic to get her to this point, because that she did not become a major star on the basis of this moment is hard to fathom.  Although, look at Dorothy Comingore in "Citizen Kane." Or Ronee Blakley in "Nashville."

                                       So, those who have seen "The Searchers" know what I am talking about.  Those who have yet to see it, should, but prepare yourselves for Pippa's moment.  You will feel Lucy's fear as palpably as she does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I had planned to show you the iconic moment, but could not get it on here.
So, go on YouTube, and see for yourselves.  Then, go and see the entire film.

                                          You will see that human horror is often the scariest of all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eliot Got It Right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   April did not start out being cruel, it was just another month, girls.  But as living my life accrued, it turned into that.

                                    I had a medicine run to make into Manhattan, all the while knowing yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death.  She has been gone 39 years, and what scares me is that next year I will be the age she passed--sixty four.

                                     Thursday, the 5th marks the anniversary of my sister's husband's death. It has been over a decade.

                                      On April 22, my maternal grandmother died, forty years ago, this year.  Her daughter, my mother, did not last out the year, dying just 345 days later.

                                        And that is as much as I can remember.  My paternal grandfather died in the Spring, but I am now not sure when.

                                         And David is facing prostate surgery on the 18th.  The good omen about that it is that day is Hayley Mills' 72nd birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          My father's service is on the 10th, and there will be a personal obit from me, following that.

                                            Heaven help us all, in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Easter, From Gojira And His Peeps Pals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Welcome, darlings, to April, a month that makes me cringe, due to its cruelty.

                                     But it is April Fool's Day, Easter, and Passover, all in one day--so this is a very different Easter.

                                      Which is why I wanted to feature this unique featuring of Gojira with his friends.  Don't worry; it is a joke.  Gojira is so lovable, she just wants some friends to play with.  He has no intention of eating anyone.

                                         Tradition will be upheld, with the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette," which will take place around 1PM.

                                            And, yes, this is the day, on the dawn of which, Mary Magdalene carried spices to the tomb, to anoint the body of Jesus.  I used to get up early, venture into my yard at around four or four thirty, to try and enact this.  Some years, I made it. Some not.

                                             But Sara Bareilles as Mary Magdalene, tonight?  No way!  Yvonne Elliman owns that role, and always will.

                                              So, as this is not a conventional Easter, by any means, I would like to offer Yvonne, at her Magdalene best, singing a song that could very well be about love of Jesus!!!!!!!!!

                        Happy Easter, and Welcome April, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!