Five Minutes To Curtain, Mr. Gyllenhaal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Now, girls, listen up, because I know you are all just going to swoon at the news!

                                    Tonight, at 8PM, at the Laura Perls Theatre, Jake Gyllenhaal, he of the wavy hair, dreamy eyes, and winning smile, will make his New York stage debut in a play called "If There Is, I Haven't Found It Yet,"  by Nick Payne.  This play was performed in London, several years back, and is now being brought here, with a cast headed by Mr. Gyllenhaal, and that great actor, Mr. Brian F. O'Byrne!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       The play deals with an overweight teen named Anna, who is mercilessly bullied by her peers for being overweight.  When her mother transfers her to the school where she herself teaches, thinking things will improve, they only become worse.   Michelle Gomez plays the mother, Annie Funke (change that name fast, honey, if you want to stay in the biz!!!!!!) plays Anna, while Mr. O'Byrne plays her father.

                                       Then, out of the blue, of course, steps in to the scene Teen Angel--or, Uncle Terry, Mr. O'Byrne's ne'er do well brother, played by Mr. Gyllenhaal.  And Uncle Terry, to be sure, has a galvanizing effect!!!!

                                         Honey, no one plays a ne'er do well like Jake!!!!!  He did it superbly in the film "Brothers," with Tobey Maguire.  Hell, he could play a serial killer, and, with all his charm, get the audience to root for him.  Do I hear "Shadow Of A Doubt," in the background????????

                                          How I wish I could be there at this First Night, to cheer Jake on!!!!!
I am sure those cheers will be heard all over the Rialto, when he steps on stage!!!!!!

                                           And, personally, I am happy for Jake.  From what I have heard, stage acting is something he has wanted to do, because--can you believe this, darlings???-- due to   his stunning good looks, AND the fact that he can actually act, Hollywood hasn't quite known what to do with him!!!!!  Can you imagine???????  Only in Hollywood, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Marilyn Monroe had a similar problem, too.  Let's hope Jake's transition is smoother than hers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             For so many of us, Jake will forever be known as Jack Twist in "Brokeback Mountain!"  Can you believe that was seven years ago????????   So, all eyes will be on Jake, as he embarks on this next career chapter!!!!!!!

                                              Oh, Jake (sigh!), take us all to Brokeback Mountain!!!!!!!!!

                                               And that is Brokeback, lamb chops, not bareback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           

Girls, It Is The End Of An Era!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Since 1948, the ground floor of the Brill Building, on the corner of Broadway and West 49th Street, has housed the Colony Record Store, which was a haven for collectors and burgeoning Theater Queens, including yours truly, when young.

                           From the early 1970s, when I would troop in to the city--all by my innocent self--to catch matinees of Broadway shows (I wasn't yet ready for the nighttime scene, darlings!!!!), my visit would not be complete, without a stop at the Colony.

                            And, most times, I never came away empty handed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Especially in the days of vinyl, the Colony was not just the place for current shows, but especially hard to find ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I mean, no department store in New Jersey would have heard of "She Loves Me!"
Let alone, "Fade Out, Fade In!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                              I got them all at the Colony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              There was a catch, loves; isn't there always?????  The Colony, because of its specialty items, was often higher priced than the average store.  But it was well worth it.

                               I still recall the most expensive purchase I made.  This was back in 1977, when "Annie" was the hottest ticket on Broadway!!!!  Of course, you know I saw it, darlings!!!!  The Original!!!!!!!!  Anyway, in a Times article on the actresses playing the Orphans, it mentioned that one of them Janine Ruane, (now a medical technician at a Pennsylvania hospital) had the leading child role of Susan Walker in a production of "Here's Love!".  I said to myself, "What's that?"  I knew enough musical titles by that point, but I had never heard of "Here's Love!"  When I dug deeper, I discovered it was a musicalization of one of my favorite movies, the Christmas classic, "Miracle On 34th Street."  It was also the last show score written by Meredith Wilson (best known for "The Music Man"), and contained one semi-standard song I discovered I had known for most of my life--"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas."  The stars were Janis Paige (whom we just loved on the cast recording of "The Pajama Game," darlings!!!!) and Craig Stevens.

                             I just had to hear this score; hell, I just HAD to own the recording.  Now, back then, I was still living at home, money was not plentiful (is it now, loves???? Hmmmm...well, in a different way!!!), and, when I walked into the Colony and found the Original Cast Album of "Here's Love!" I discovered it was one of their then most highly priced items--$45!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             At this time, I was actually in my early Twenties (REALLY, as opposed to now, where my PROFESSIONAL age is 24!!!!!), but was still getting carded for movies, bars, whatever was Adults Only.  No wonder I was perfect for singing "Frank Mills!!!!!"  Well, I marched up to  the register with this record, money in tow, and when this big, jaded, New York City store clerk, saw this waif-like ingenue, I think he took pity on me--because, when he saw I was willing to and able to pay the full amount--he gave me a $5 discount!!!!!!!!!!!!  I guess he thought I must have broken my piggy bank, or was using up my Life's Savings.  Hell, back then, he wasn't far off the mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            That was my most memorable experience at the Colony.  As the years went on, and I moved to New York, my purchases dropped, but never was I in the area, without popping in.  Sometimes I would buy a CD, other times a Vocal Selections book.  They were very good on those, too, having shows no other music store would have even known to have!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            The Colony is a fixture on that street, and I think it should stay there forever!!!!!!  Alas, comes news from its owner that, in six weeks, it will close, yielding to the digitalization and technological expansion that changed the nature of the business.

                             I am sure I will not be the only one sorry to see the Colony go.  But I think its memory
should be preserved, in a special way.

                               You know the neon figure of the bobby-soxed girl, jumping in the girl, declaring, "I Found It!", at the Colony????"  That sign and image should be preserved somewhere on that building, as a landmark memorial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Remember, you heard it first here, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forget "Into The Woods," Darlings, THIS Is The Production That Should Play The Delacorte, And Then Move To Broadway!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            It has been awhile, girls, since the LPA Players have convened, but I think the break did some good, in clearing up cobwebs.  But one also could not go wrong with the script chosen for last night--Paul Osborn's comedy drama, "Morning's At Seven," a veritable feast for actors to sink their chops into. And sink this group did, while scaling triumphant heights, for, along with "The Bad Seed," and another title which escapes me, this is one of the few performed that, I think, with some shading and tweaking of timing in the readings, could be put before an audience.

                                              I have also been fortunate enough to see both revivals--Vivian Matlaon's famous one, back in 1980, responsible for igniting interest in this hitherto obscure play, and the one ten years back, which had the likes of Piper Laurie, Estelle Parsons, Elizabeth Franz, Julie Hagerty, Stephen Tobolowsky, and Buck Henry, to name some.  This script is gold; place it in the hands of capable actors, and they just run with it.

                                               Which is what happened last night.  Let's start with Wendy, who, while waiting for our Arry to arrive, stepped into the role admirably, though, once Daisy arrived, and Wendy switched over to Esty, I saw how better suited she was for that, bringing a maternal edege to her readings that belies being an eldest sister, and an edginess that suggests the burdens of not only being that, but being married to a jerk; namely David Crampton, a pompous, egotistical windbag of an academic (who I do not believe is working!!!!!!!!),  and mined by the great Charlie in yet another of his pricless jerk characterizations.  Amy scaled new heights in her portrayal of Cora Wright, bringing warmth, but an underlying bitterness, beneath which years of resentful wounds have been festering, and when she lets them out--darlings, I am telling you, I think the spirit of Colleen Dewhurst must have sat right up in her grave!!!!!!!!!!!!  Daisy's reading of Aarry was almost unbearably poignant, and could have turned to mush if she didn't let Aary's spine of steel show thorugh quite often; which she did, and brilliantly!!!!!!!!  As Ida Bolton--who was actuall
y my mother; we got Soul, baby!!!!!!, but more on that later--Tanisha presented a quiet, understated portrait of a woman finding it difficult to deal with what Life offers her, but deals with it admirably. Tanish once again proves she is the Mistress Of The Understated.

                                                  It is true the women, the Gibbs Sisters, take center stage in "Morning's At Seven," but without able support by the men the play would have no dramatic tension.  The inimitable Steve (who gets beaten out of every good role by Chip Zien or Denis O'Haire) turned in a polished rendering of Carl, Ida's mentally befuddled husband.  John, in a manner belying his essential Tommy Tune-ness, did an admirably gruff portrayl of Theodore Swanson (Thor), with secrets of his own; a man whose flaws may be openly on display, however little he is aware of them.

                                                   And Emily....ah, yes, Emily, my Eponine, made a trimuphant return to the group in the role of Myrtle Brown. Emily made Myrtle more fascinating than usual; she seemed to start out being a doormat to everyone, yet, in the end, demonstrates a spine that can well stand up to all the craziness these families collecitvely dish out to one another.  As for her fiance, Homer Bolton, son of Ida and Carl, I was honored to be the child of Tanisha and Steve.  I was also thrilled to be able to play one of my "dream parts," because I understand Homer so well, having grown up around so many Homers, and fearing becoming one, myself.  I was, which is rarely the case, actually happy with my performance, and I think my being surprised (having forgotten) Homer's Act Two bombshell worked in my favor, as it enabled me to deliver it with no aplomb, just an annoyingly nebbishy matter of factness, which, in my interpretation, is, I believe, charactersitic of Homer.

                                                       "Morning's At Seven" is such a completely satisfying play to watch and to perform that, with ten years gone by, as I said to Charlie last night, it would not surprise me, if, within another five years, there is not another Broadway mounting of it.

                                                          Honey, I think ours is ready for the Delacorte!  Kick that abysmal "Into The Woods" production off our stage!!!!!!!!!!  This would also work well outdoors; I wonder if anyone has done it that way?????????????

                                                              Hardly anything could mar the perfection of last night's reading, or Paul Osborn's play.  A workman's dramatist, he never made it to the A-list, but was prolific and stylish in his day.  Of all his works, this is the one that survives, and it is due to that revival, back in 1980.

                                                                  I have one wish that went unfulfilled last night.  The evening should have ended, and, if we ever did this before an audience, it should be done ass a curtain call, with the four Gibbs girls, down center, singing the Irving Berlin song, "Sisters!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                                    Oh, girls, I am telling you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Week's Bitch Gives Us Coffee Drinkers A Bad Name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Girls, when I used to live in Queens, I had many magnetic posts on my refrigerator door. One of the most prominent had a yellow background, and a steaming cup of hot coffee, with the admonishment, "I haven't had my coffee yet.  Don't make me kill you!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                   Not that I ever would, loves.  But you have to wonder, in the case of the winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award, 70-year-old Lois Goodman, of Woodland Hills, California. 

                                      At this advanced age, I am not sure if she is the oldest winner, but I would have to say she is one of.  Living in the gated community at 20950 Ocnard Street--pure affluence, honey!!!--her husband, Alan Goodman, was found dead in their home, upon her alleged return, suggesting he had either fallen down the stairs, or had a heart attack.  This, back on April 12 of this year.

                                        While Lois, or "Lolo," as she was nicknamed, had been playing tennis for fifty years--almost since the Goodmans were married on May 30, 1962.  She worked herself up to becoming a second ranking referee in the prestigious U.S. Open, held on this coast, in Flushing, Queens!!!!!!

                                             Alan's death occurred just a month before what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary, which I am sure they would have celebrated with their three daughters.  But it was not to be.

                                                Once an autopsy was performed, Lois' cover was blown.  A broken coffee cup was eventually turned up, and shards of it were found in Alan's head.

                                                  It is believed they got into a fight, and she wacked him on the head so hard, with her coffee mug, it broke, then she stabbed him with the broken shards, until he was dead.

                                                    Neighbors reported Alan to be quiet and reserved, running his auto parts business for years. Not so Lois. It seems she was emaililng, and gallavanting with someone in Los Angeles, and it sounded like she wanted out of the marriage, and, of course, Alan's money.  The same old story. I expect to see this on "Snapped," "Deadly Women," or "Law And Order, SVU," any day now.

                                                       It is bad enough Lois killed her husband. But what makes her stand out as Bitch Of The Week is that she used a coffee mug--a thing of pleasure, girls--to kill him with.  Hope it was not a "Golden Girls" or orange mug, like I use.  I  am sure this thing does not collect show mugs, as  she has no knoweledge of such things.

                                                          If convicted, she could face up to Life in prison. Well, I sasy "Good riddance." And all for nothing.

                                                            But, as a confirmed coffee drinker, I am offended by her choice of weapon, as it seems to disparage those of us who drink Java Joe, and especiallly depend on him, in the morning.  Not all coffee drinkers are killers, honey, though they can be nasty before they get that intiial jolt of caffeine in them.

                                                              So here is to Lois Goodman--No Goodman's Golden Noodles, here, darlings!!!!!!!!--as this week's Bitch Of The Week.  Wait till she sees how weak prison coffee is!!!!!!!!!  It is enough to make one kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                And, sweethearts, dont you DARE mess with me, till I have had my morning coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, We Mourn The Passing Of A Real Sixties Icon!!!!!!!!!

                                         "If you're going to San Francisco,
                                           Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.
                                           If you're going to San Francisco,
                                           You're gonna meet some gentle people there."
                                               ---Scott McKenzie, 1967

                      Oh, my God, darlings, let me tell you!  During my Sixties saturated youth, and on into Middle Age, this song, repersentative of that era,  I would  sing most often, second only to "Frank Mills."  Not only because it summoned up the era. but, just as I was able to replicate Shelley Plimpton's plaintiveness in "Frank Mills," so I would, with Scott's mournfulness.  There was something almost doleful about this song, until you got to the part, "All across the nation, such a strange vibration....."

                      Scott McKenzie hung around the music scene during the Sixties and for decades after. He hung out and sometimes performed with The Mamas and the Papas (yes, darlings!!!!!!!).  But it was this song, "If You're Going To San Francisco," written by John Phillips, but recorded by Scott, that gave him his singular fame, for which he will always be remembered, especially by those of a certain age/Generation.

                         In the documentary film, "Monterey Pop" (worth seeing if you have not, loves!!!!!), this is one of the first performances seen and heard.  It may be the only performance of it existing on film, and it is worth checking out.

                            I know I shall listen to this song today, as I never have before, with tears of remembrance.  For Scott, and for the era he sang about.  And now Scott has left us, and we wish him the best on his spritural journey.

                              Beads, Flowers, Freedom, and Happiness, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                     

Darlings, A Comedy Queen Has Passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Girls, I was more saddened than shocked to hear about the death of Phyllis Diller yesterday.  At 95, she was certainly up there, and had lived a full and rewarding life. But with her went another piece of my childhood, for I can remember her--and that unmistakable laugh--on countless television shows.  You can even catch her, in a cameo in the 1961 film classic, "Splendor In The Grass," which is more often these days when I have seen her.

                              I used to love her short run comedy show, "The Pruitts Of South Hampton."  I didn't know my Hamptons from my back yard at that point, but I loved Phyllis   on it. Today, I cannot tell you who else appeared on the program; I only remember her.

                                And during childhood, there was something about my Aunt Martha, who lived in Cedar Grove, that reminded me of Phyllis Diller.  Something in her voice, or her laugh; I jokingly used to call her Phyllis Diller.

                                  Now, Phyllis is  gone, just like Aunt Martha!!!!!!!!!  I hope both of them are having a laugh riot in the Hereafter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Make sure you have your laugh riots now, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Am Telling You, You Just Gotta Hand It To Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Darlings, when it comes to being a "good sport" as an actor, no one is more deserving of this accolade than Sylvia Miles.  From being upstaged by a toy poodle in "Midnight Cowboy," to noshing down on a table full of food as the Yiddish matchmaker in "Crossing Delancey," Sylvia seems game for anything.  She is also a person of great ubiquity in Manhattan, noted for turning up at every worthwhile party, if only for the free food. And who can forget the time she threw, I think it was a plateful of spaghetti, on John Simon, for some remarks ha had said about her??????  There was even a time, and this was before the birth of this blog, loves, where I felt I was being stalked by Sylvia, as at almost every movie or play I went to--around the late 90's, early 2000--she would turn up in the audience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     But Sylvia is endeared to me for two brilliantly wacky performances in two really wild horror films.  The first, mentioned yesterday, is Michael Winner's 1977 thriller, "The Sentinel."  In it, she played Gerde Engstrom, a deceased German lesbian ballet dancer, who had committed murder, and lived a ghostly existence in this Brooklyn Heights brownstone, with her ghostly, masturbating partner, Sandra, played by Beverly D'Angelo!!!!! Would you believe that when Michael Winner approached her, she told him she would rather play the role of the real estate agent, Miss Logan, that went to Ava Gardner????  Not that Sylvia could not handle that role, and would have made one hell of a real estate agent, but who could have played Gerda better than she???? Certainly not Ava Gardner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Not even I, darlings, would approach this role with the proverbial ten foot pole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Clearly, Michael Winner had good casting instincts, because she and Beverly are the two most memorable things about this film!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Then, there was her turn as Madame Zena, the carnival fortuneteller, in Tobe Hooper's 1981 film, "The Funhouse."  Again, like "The Sentinel", it has some disturbing elements.  Kevin Conway plays a carnival barker/ funhouse owner, apparently widowed, though we do not know how, and left to raise his severely deformed son, (Wayne Doba) who, when he grows to adulthood, is hidden by Daddy in the funhouse both to scare people, and shield him from society. Meanwhile, Daddy physically and verbally abuses him at every turn.  You have to feel sorry for the poor creature, who longs for love--There is this wrenching scene with these two, where the Monster looks like he might lose control with his father, and the father placatingly (though we know he does not mean it says) "No.....  I swear......  I do not  hate the sound of your voice!"  I forget if Daddy gets it in the end, but I wouldn't blame Sonny boy if he did offf Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!  To show how desperate he is, he seeks out Madame Zena (Sylvia Miles) for sexual contact, and the cash strapped harridan agrees!!!!!!!!!  You have GOT to see this scene to beleive it; it is on a par with the lesbian scene in "The Sentinel," whre even Sylvai comes down on him, for ejaculating prematurely!!!!!!!!!!   This poor Monster cannot get a break anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     But it is worth it to see Sylvia play this scene.  You gotta hand it to her for making soemthing memorable out of what could be self-debasing.  Or maybe it IS the self-debasing that is memorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         In any case, Sylivia earns my award for Good Sportsmanship In Acting.
Her presence has enhanced many an otherwise pointless film. Here is hoping she continues, as long as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           And let's all meet Syl for lunch at the Second Avenue Deli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!