Darlings, THIS Was THE Social Event Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"So you met someone who set you back on your heels!
Goody Goody!
"So you met someone, and now you know how it feels!
Goody Goody!"

Girls, let me tell you, a lot can happen in 40 years. And no greater proof of this was given than last eve. Who would have thought, 40 years ago, when we were both 16, at the Fox Theatre in Wood bridge, New Jersey, that my friend, Doug, and I would be seeing it again four decades hence at the Chelsea CLearview on a rain soaked Thursday eve??????????????

It could only happen to the Raving Queen, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can tell you Doug has been obsessed with this film ever since we saw it, though I don't quite get why. I had retained bits and pieces of it--like child actress of that era, Miss Pamelyn Ferdin, being in it, but who knew what surprises the film had in store. Who turns up in thif film, by Yvette Vickers (famed for her role as Honey in the classic "Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman") Helene Winston (if you watched TV during your Baby Boomer years, trust me, you would recognize her) and, as one of the kiddies, Robbi Morgan, who went on to iconic status as Annie, the first of Mrs. Voorhees' presnt day victims in the original "Friday The 13th." Who would have thought?

Let me explain what the film is about. It is about the consequences that can befall children who grow up having fag hag Moms!!!!!!!! I mean, have you seen Carrie Fisher lately????? What a mess!!!!!!!!!! And I thought I looked bad? Honey, next to her I am Blythe Danner!!!!!!!!!!!

Debbie Reynolds and Shelley Winters--what a pair--playu two Midwestern moms whose teenaged sons are convicted for a Leopold-Loeb type murder. The boys are given life sentences, which enrages just about everyone, so the two womwn are forced to leave and start over. They head for California, to start a new life, because Debbie, as Adelle is movie mad; she not only wants to teach kids to dance, I think she wants to get into pics herself!!!!!!!! Helen has moral and spiritual issues, helping out when she can, but wanting no part of the Hollywood scene. HEr first mistakes, loves, because you and I know that,,ever since Jackie Sussann wrote "Valley Of The Dolls," we have ALL wanted to be part of the Hollywood scene!!!!!! Hell, lambs, we are!!!!!!!!!!!

Before you know it, someone is stalking Debbie and Shelley, with every man, including Dennis Weaver at his most good looking, thrown to us as a red herring, while Shelley as Helen gets more and more loopy. Even Agens Moorhead as the Evangeliist Sister Alma loses patience with her--I mean, how bad do you have to be to annoy an evangelist?????????????

Everything comes together at the end, which is worth seeing for that moment with Shelley at the piano, the look of insanity on her face, as she is furiously playing "Goody Goodty." It is the greatest acting I have ever seen her do!!!!!!!!!

Honey, I am telling you, this film has so much going for it, it is a shame it is so frustrating. A compendium of every show biz cliche--from "Compulsion" to 'Baby Jane' to "Gypsy"--with breathtaking art direction, sets designed artificially with intention to replicate period 30's films, musical numbers and costumes that were nominated for an Academy Award; I am telling you, this should have been the greatest genre piece since 'Baby Jane.' But it fails somehow for one reason--the script. Henry Farrell can plot out a great story, BUT he has no facility with dialogue; hence, this film has no verbal bite, no great one-liners, so it is not as entertaining as 'Baby Jane' or 'Charlotte'. Additionally, Curtins Harrington filled in as Robert Aldrich (wonder why he did not take it?) and while theere is good filmmaking, evidencing what would follow 16 years later in "L.A. Confidential," seems confused as to how to approach the material. There is definitely high camp, but it comes from only ONE major actress--the great Agnes Moorhead in her one scene role as Sister Alma. The two campiest moments in the film come from children--the little girl playing Dennis Weaver's daughter, enrolled in Adele's dance class, with the most ersatz Shirley Temple wig imaginable, does this production number of "Animal Crackers In My Soup" that you have just GOT to see to believe. Center stage, atop the rim of a giant soup bowl, she skips and dances about, while juvenile creatures, like a prepubescent version of "CATS", come out of the bowl, dance, and get pushed back in. I swear, if this were put on Broadway RIGHT NOW, it would win a TONY Award!!!!!!!! Better than some of the garbage on there now--like "Spider Man!!!!!!!!" The Rosalie, another little girl, decked out in a Lillian Russell gown, does a version of "Oh, You Nasty Man," that would put a drag queen to shame, and suggests Jon Benet Ramsay. And darlings, for girls who KNOW--and I know you are out there--two of these moppets are Pamelyn Ferdin and Robbi Morgan, who went on to greater fame as Victim Annie in the orginial "Friday The 13th!!!!!!!!!"

The problem is Debbie and Shelley are never sure, nor is Harrington sure, how to play their roles--over the top camp, or straight. They waver between the two, but never find their way. Helen gets more loopy, but she does face up to some truths about her mental disorder, and what led their sons to committ the crime they did. Debbie wants sympanthy but she cannot see how her own show biz ambitions caused her to neglect her child, damaging him, giving him a hatred for women that led to his murder!!!!!! Then, several frames later, they are hootin' and hollerin' at each other, like Joan and Melissa!!!!!!! Make uo your minds, ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harrington should have been there to make it up for them. Even so, the visual details, the appearance of veterans Helene Winston and Yvette Vickers, and the two stars make it a fascinating curiousity. It is even more curious that the film is not nearly as goood as it should be.

My favorite line in the film comes when Rosalie's mother says, "They're very interested in Rosalie at R.K.O." Darling, if that is the best you can do for your child, she is going nowhere. Unless these babes end up at Twentieth or MGM they will end up in strip clubs twenty years later, maybe getting lucky enough to be immortalized as the anonymously named Diana Nellis Dancers in the film classic "She Demons!!!!"

"What's The Matter With Helen?" is a classic that should be seen once. I can't believe I have lived long enough to say I first saw it 40 years ago. It just shows what make-up and moisturizing can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watch those reticules, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!