Girls, I Simply Cannot Believe It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, the way this theater season has been, you cannot blame me for getting all worked up about the forthcoming revival of Lillian Hellman's seminal classic, "The Children's Hour", mentioned a few weeks back. Remember, girls?????????

Well, I recently found out Ellen Burstyn will be enacting the role of Grandmother Ameilia Tilford, and you know she will be fabulous. Though, admittedly, Fay Bainter in the now half century old 1961 movie, will be a tough act to follow!!!!!

As will be Miriam Hopkins, as Martha Dobie's aunt, Mrs. Lily Mortar. You know who is playing that part, loves??????? None other than former "Hester Street" star, Carol Kane, who should be terrific. That is certainly good news.

However, I am afraid the whole thing will fall apart like a giant souflee, and once, again, it is due to the crucial casting, or once again, in this case, miscating, of the pivotal role of Mary Tilford.

This role, that of a 12 year old school girl, immortalized onscreen by the great Bonita Granville in the 1936 "These Three," is being played now by an unknown Britisher named Bryony Hannah, whom I never heard of. Nothing wrong with that, loves, except for ONE thing--she is 26 yearls old, and looks EVERY day of it!!!!!!!!!!!

Are they trying to follow a theatrical tradition????? Back in 1934, when the play debuted at the Maxine Elliot Theatre in New York, its controversial subject matter did not allow for casting the school girls at the proper age--so all of them were played by actresses in their early 20's. Mary was played then by Florence McGee, who was 24, and like Bryony, looked her age. And though one, and now the other, garnered raves for performing this role, it cannot work when the actress is too mature.

I mean, darlings, this begs further the question of having ME play Mary--yes, I am campaigning for the role!!!!!!--because I look a Hell of a lot younger than Bryony, and NO ONE plays an evil child, better than I. Between my relatives and high school fostering so much resentment, I have SO MUCH to draw upon!!!!!!!!
I would win a TONY, and I want one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, darlings, pray that Bryony does not travel with it!!!!! And if the show travels, pray they cast a younger actress, even, if it turns out not to be me. Otherwise, it will ruin our dream of seeing a beautifully realized version of this still relevant classic!!!!!!!! Better than "Boys In The" Fucking "Band"!!!!!!!!

And if Bryony DOES travel, I will spread the rumor, once she is in New York of her hanging out at the Cubby Hole!!!!!!!! Not a place for MY darlings, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So hang onto your kerchiefs, girls!!!!!!! The Raving Queen will NOT tolerate a miscast Mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cast ME, you bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!