Can You Believe We Are Now One Fourth Of The Way Through 2016???????????????

                                     We have come to the end of the first quarter, darlings, and on to the more exciting second, which includes Summer and Fall.  It is also going to include things like a colonoscopy (me), visiting the dentist, seeing "She Loves Me!" and who knows what else?

                                        Now that Easter has passed, and Winter is truly over, the fun of the year can actually begin!  I hope everyone had a successful March, and I wish you an happy, rather than cruel, April.  That latter comes by way of T.S. Eliot.

                                         So, I will see you next month, in April. If I get through that month, then things will really be on their way!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Until tomorrow, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun For Theater Queens Of All Ages....And Sexual Orientation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Tim Federle may just be the Juvenile Jacqueline Susann.  "Five, Six, Seven, Nate" reads almost like a junior version of "Valley Of The Dolls," without phrases like "going down on me" that Susann immortalized.  It is almost getting the 10 to 14 set, ready for theater and/or literature, to experience the big, bad, adult world of both.

                                       As for those like myself, who know that world, well, the book is hilarious--and unerringly accurate.  I have seen mothers to rival Jordan Rylance's.  I have seen actors lie on their resumes.  I have seen the personality involvements and clashings in putting a musical together; as a matter of fact, I was involved in one, myself. So, as entertaining and fun as Federle's book is, every ounce of it is the God's honest truth. Right down to the idea of creating "E.T.--The Musical."  Need I remind everyone on here of a little something called "Spider Man--Turn Off The Dark?"  It put Julie Taymor on the Island Of Lost Directors!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Broadway may not go for booze or dope, nor does it go for crap!!!!!!!!  Though that hardly explains "Spring Awakening."

                                       I am such a bitch!  But Nate is a kid after my own heart!  He could have been me, and his is the childhood I would like to have had.  But so was "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?," which he does not yet know the plot of, but I did, from the age of seven--when it first came out!  I wanted that childhood!

                                         Another relation I have to Nate is his doing many things wrong, because he cares so much. This can be embarrassing, but it also has its rewards--as Nate finds out when he realizes the Shirley MacLaine fantasy any one of us who has ever set foot on a stage has secretly nurtured within our viperous bosoms.  And then there's more, which deserves to be read!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       I loved this book so much I have got to read the prequel, "Better Nate Than Ever."  I also think that, done correctly, it would make a fabulous movie.  But casting is the key--the biggest problem is finding a kid extraordinary to play Nate. It would require a male Sydney Lucas, and I cannot think of one, although they are out there.  And how about getting that Theatrical Dynasty, those Keenan-Bolgers, in the mix?  Kristen Chenoweth as Asella?  Can we get Audra McDonald, Jessie Mueller, Gavin Creel or Jesse Tyler Ferguson in there, somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         After reading this book, I am ready to audition once more!  I'll play anything--except the back half of Caroline, The Cow, in "Gypsy!"  And I love about how Nate knew about Karen Morrow's TONY nomination for "I Have A Ball!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                          I had a ball with this book, darlings, and so will you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           To quote "Dreamgirls," "It's just show biz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Even A Good Hair Day Cannot Fix This Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Did you know, darlings, that Medusa was once part of a girl group, known as The Gorgon Sisters?  They were only successful on the Greek isles, during ancient times, and I think their biggest hit was "Snakes In My Hair," or words to that effect.

                                 Even though Medusa eventually, and literally, lost her head, those snakes stayed alive.  Kind of like Joan Didion.  So, with her being a long standing mythological icon, I felt it was high time she was honored as Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Remember, just  looking at her was enough to turn a man to stone.  I have often felt that way about some of the people I see around me, riding on the subway, so I can relate.  But that snake hair was Medusa's selling point. Today, it would probably land her on the cover of "VOGUE."

                                   But she would never get cast in a production of "HAIR." The sight of her would stop the audience stone cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Another Thursday, another bitch, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't You Just Love The Camaraderie Of Show Business, Girls?????????????????

                                There are so many favorite scenes in "The Turning Point," the campy dance classic that makes gay men everywhere regret not taking pointe class.  Let us review them.

                                   Shirley MacLaine, as Dee Dee, lamenting as she removes leotards from the bathroom shower rod.

                                     The famous fight scene.  Need I say more?

                                     Anne Bancroft, as Emma, and her famous one line reaction when Dragon Lady Adelaide (Martha Scott, standing in for Lucia Chase!!!!!!!) asks Emma to stage "Sleeping Beauty," and she says, "I really MUST do something about my face!"  How many times have I used that one, loves???????????

                                      There is one I have never mentioned, however, and it so gets the camaraderie of show business right.  Dee Dee is in Manhattan with Ethan and Emilia, who is quickly becoming the company's protege.  With time on her hands, Dee Dee walks into the studio/rehearsal hall, and sees Antoinette Sibley, as Sevilla Haslam.  I just LOVE Sevilla!   Dee Dee calls out joyously, "Sevilla!" and the poor diva greets her cordially--"Oh, darling, how are you?"--without any idea of whom she is talking to.

                                         This is SO show business, darlings.  We are either Sevilla or Dee Dee, and I have been both.  If you even on the periphery of things, people know or think they know you, and vice versa.  "The Turning Point" gets this SO right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           As stated, I just LOVE Sevilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           And I wish I had taken pointe class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Wouldn't It Be Fabulous To Have Anna Wintour and Diane Von Furstenberg Come Visit Your Apartment?????????????????

                                 Girls, let me tell you, there is this program for aspiring designers, where ANNA and DIANE come to aspiring fashion designers' apartments, and look at, and judge, their work.  They certainly should come to ours--mine and my beloved--because we have a fashion layout line for Baby Gojira, which will be just perfect, as soon as he gets his pink sectional for his perch, and his bedroom set for my night table.  Then, maybe ANNA and DIANE may come over!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Of course, we will serve High Tea. What else?  And perhaps we could hire a nice young man to act as server!  Just leave that to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But wait till you see ANNA and DIANE in action.  You will want them at your place immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will A Hot Dog Still Make Patty Lose Control, Now That She Is In Heaven????????????????????

                            Girls, I am telling you, I am sure I speak for the entire Baby Boomer generation, when I say how rocked I was by the death of Patty Duke.  At only 69, to have perished from sepsis from a ruptured intestine, though son Sean, in one obit I read, said she had been in severe pain for the last two years of life, so I think there was more going on.  Which Patty did not let out, because she was a trouper.

                             When I was eight, and her show was the height of television, all the older kids in my neighborhood could tell you about the thing I had for Patty Duke. She supplanted Hayley Mills, for a time, because I wanted to be Patty Duke, who I thought really was Patty Lane.  I would watch this show, avidly looking forward to my adolescence, imagining it would be exactly like this. Well, dears, if you have been on here long enough, or peruse this blog, you will find out how wrong I was about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Add to this I was so young, I had no idea what "The Miracle Worker" was, or who Helen Keller had been, and when I discovered she had played it, I aimed to find out all about it.  That was a start in acting, for me; I wanted to play that role, gender or not. I would lie in the grass, doing sensory exercises with my eyes shut, walking into walls, and almost falling down our huge flight of stairs walking as though blind.  It was a learning experience, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Then came the novel, "Valley Of The Dolls," and, of course, I related to Neely. I was so young when I read it, I did not the know what Neely meant when she said to Anne, "He went down on me!"  I certainly knew, somehow, I could not ask my parents.  And they did not say that in the movie.

                                     Oh, yes, the movie.  If "The Miracle Worker" solidified Patty's artistic status, "Valley Of The Dolls," with her as Neely, made her a gay icon.  A role it took a long time for her to accept.

                                       As did dealing with bipolar disorder, and depression, which she brilliantly chronicled in "Call Me Anna."  Reading it was when I finally realized that no one's adolescence, not even hers, was like "The Patty Duke Show."  And if anyone says it was, they are lying to themselves.

                                        Patty did so much--actress, mental health advocate, SAG actress, giving us another talented actor, Sean Astin--in just 69 years, it seems as if she lived twice as long. Alas, she has left us all too soon. And we who remember will miss her so much.

                                         Now--how to showcase Patty?  Well, let's start with the theme song!!!!!!!

                                          Then, "The Miracle Worker!!!!!!!!!!"

                                           And, of course, "Valley Of The Dolls!!!!!!!!!!"

                                           As for me, darlings, I still adore the minuet, the Ballet Russe, and crepes suzette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                     

Welcome, New Readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Forgive my belatedness, but with so much going on, darlings, I have not had a chance to welcome our two new readers to this domicile.  So--welcome, Mercedes Rollins and Pippa Villarreal!!!!!!!!!  You will find love, laughter, and information here, and more than a dollop of ourtageousness here.  Be ready for almost anything!

                                   Goes great with morning coffee, which I am sometimes drinking while writing. Which could account for some of the wilder  posts on here. But, whether coffee, herbal tea, or hell, even Ovaltine, welcome and enjoy, Mercedes and Pippa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Work Is Well Worth It, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     I love Russell Banks' writing--I have read some of his other books--but I was not prepared for the sheer, epic magnitude, of "Cloudsplitter."

                                      It is an epic historical novel, of the activist John Brown, told from the viewpoint of his son, Owen, looking back.  Even as I finished the last page, satisfied with this absorbing read, I still questioned whether it needed to be as long as it is.  Banks' books are all considerably shorter. This remains his longest tome yet.

                                      But it is historically breathtaking, meticulously detailed, letting many in on activities leading up to the Civil War that often are not paid attention to.   The drama is kept to a minimum, but there are several stunning moments of tragedy and dehumanization that question everything from the family unit to the extremism of religion.

                                        This book is for dedicated readers; it is not a quickie.  It is not particularly fun, yet, while I wanted it to end, there was something about it I just could not pull myself away from.  Perhaps, like Owen, I was seeking answers.

                                           They are gleaned in "Cloudsplitter," but at what cost?  This novel requires a great investment of time and concentration, but its dividends are rewarding.

                                             It is a magnum opus of a major author!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Blue Velvet" Is As Much About Those Viewing It, As Those Who Are In It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Such was my first thought, as I watched, for the first time, in ten years, David Lynch's 1986 film, "Blue Velvet."  I had last seen it, a decade ago, at the Film Forum, on its twentieth anniversary!!!!!!!!!!

                                 But thirty made me feel old.  Yet, after countless viewings the film was fresh, revealing to me, this time, things about my own psyche.

                                  The first image is of a painted blue sky, then the camera drops to an equally looking fabricated white fence, highlighted by artificial roses. The music comes on softly, the depictions of small town idealism unfold, and, as Bobby Vinton croons, the viewer is seduced into the seductive world of "Blue Velvet."  But wait!  That seduction --literally--turns  on its ear (no pun intended; all right, maybe!) as the camera burrows underneath, suggesting a world of darkness and ugliness underneath. A world that, much as many would not want to admit it, people are drawn to, as readily as Jeffrey, Sandy, or even Dorothy Vallens.

                                    Not only had I forgotten how young the actors playing these roles--Kyle Maclachlan, Laura Dern, and Isabella Rossellini--I forgot how young I was, when I first saw this film, extolling it as an indictment of the small town ideal I had thought I had escaped--but had, I, really?

                                       I mean, do we ever escape? We think we do, when young, but, having lived in New York longer now than my home town, I find the sections I go to I know as intimately as I once did my small town.  Many of us escape from our origins to recreate our own fiefdom of small, individualized kingdoms.  The only difference really is the choice was by us, not our parents.

                                      Seeing "Blue Velvet" today, I question what is reality in it, or not?  Is the beginning real?  The ending?  Or just what lies in between?

                                         Thirty years ago, the whole Dorothy-Frank kidnapping thing, with Dean Stockwell, brilliantly camping it up as Ben, fascinated me. There was a part of me who wanted to go to parties at "This Is It," where I thought I might fit in.  Today, I look at it, and admire the cinematic brilliance, while finding these people and places repugnant. But being once young, and having once thought of oneself as vulnerable--as youth tends to do--I think I was drawn in the same way as Jeffrey and Sandy.  I definitely think a first-time viewer of this film--though how can you have reached your sixties, and not seen "Blue Velvet" would have a distinctly different reaction to having seen it when thirty years younger.

                                           I had forgotten the brilliant array of character actors--Brad Dourif as Raymond, Jack Nance as Paul, even Kate Reid, as one of This Is It's party women--and how I once would have wanted to hang out with such people.  I may have even wanted to be Ben.

                                             But standing back and observing a dream--brilliant and apt uses of Roy Orbison's classic song--is different than being stuck in it, as Jeffrey finds out, and helps us older viewers to discover, as he goes on his "joy ride."

                                                Youth, who don't understand, are instinctively drawn to the world of "Blue Velvet." while us oldsters, who know more than we did, understand enough to step away from such ugliness.

                                                    Our perceptions may change with time, but the artistry of the film does not.  Which is what keeps me coming back to it.  Details, like Laura Dern emerging in pink from the darkness, or Dennis Hopper, vanishing before one's eyes, after saying "I'll fuck anything that moves!" are images that stay with one, both because of their starkness and lyricism.  Which coexist throughout the entirety of "Blue Velvet."

                                                      So, catch it while it is still at the Film Forum, darlings--it ends on the 31st, though I would not be surprised  if it is held over--and learn something about yourselves.

                                                        Then there is my personal association with it. Frances Bay, the way she is made up to play Aunt Barbara, looks exactly like my maternal grandmother, whom I called Nana.  Which is why my favorite line is when Jeffrey says to her--

                                                           "Aunt Barbara, I love you. But you're going to get it!"

Girls, You're Not Gonna Believe My Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               This weekend turned out to be three days, which, ordinarily, is fun, and it was, only it was fraught with emotion.

                                 Let' start with Holy Saturday.  Of all the films to see on Saturday--David Lynch's 1986 masterwork, "Blue Velvet," shown for its 30th Anniversary, at the Film Forum. Thirty years!  I saw it, back then, and does that make me feel old!  And it certainly wasn't an appropriate film for Holy Saturday; I think some program strategist, working out issues, had the intention of scheduling this film during Holy Week, intentionally.  I will have more to say on "Blue Velvet" in its own posting.

                                Then, on Sunday, things broke lose.  I thought St. Andrews' Church would crack its walls, once I walked into it, for Easter Service, but it did not.  Of course, the Mass was packed, and when I heard a congregant, yell, "Well, screw this!," because they could not get a seat, it made me feel sorry for that person who could not be more respectful on Easter, which is about a celebration, not copping the best seat.

                                 Meanwhile, at home, my beloved was busy, and would be most of the day, preparing for his colonoscopy, which was the next day, Easter Monday.  After Mass ended, I walked through the neighborhood, seeing if any of our beloved animals were about, but they were all engaged in their own Easter celebrations.  When, suddenly, whom should I see walking toward me, but my beloved?  What was he doing out? I wondered. He was supposed to stay inside. But his prep required two regimens, twelve hours apart. So, he finished the first, and we had lunch--he drank only tea.  Then we dashed back  home, and for the next several hours, with Baby Gojira , and Ramsey and Ramsey, Jr. at my side, we all watched "The Song Of Bernadette," which was a spiritual cleansing, and at which I still cry real tears, even after seeing it at least two dozen times.  It never fails to move me.

                                  Then, more prep, and early to bed, because, to get to where the procedure was--on the Upper East Side, near Mt. Sinai, we had to get up at 4AM to be there at 8, riding in from Bay Ridge.  The anxiety of waiting and worry fell on me, while my beloved waited for almost an hour before he was taken.  Two hours later, at ten, he emerged, and everything was all right.

                                      We went back home, relaxed, I had an anxiety headache as I decompressed, which went away with two Tylenol.

                                         Now, we have my colonoscopy in May, so pray for that, dears, both getting the stuff down, and not finding anything.

                                         Meanwhile, things are back to normal. For a time, at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           

Gojira Wishes Everyone A Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Isn't he just darling???????  For all of his fans, especially the children, our lovable reptile friend, Gojira, got himself all gussied up for Easter, complete with rabbit ears.

                                   What a party animal he is!  And, later, he is going to watch "The Song Of Bernadette" with all of us--my beloved, Baby Gojira, Ramsey, and Ramsey, Jr.

                                     So, love and greetings from our house to yours, from all of us, including Gojira, at Easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Alleluia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is How Your Body Gets Pain Wracked From Stone Floors, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Here is the famous photo of Jennifer Jones, scrubbing her way to an Oscar, in "The Song Of Bernadette."  She is suffering more than most, as saints are required to do, but what Catholic among us has not known stone floor pain????????????  I am telling you, little babies, and people who don't look nearly as good as Jennifer Jones (let alone win Oscars!!!!!) are put on floors to scrub.  Is it any wonder I have occasional back problems???????????

                               They don't tell you about this, except in "The Song Of Bernadette," which is why it ts, in its own way, one of the most informative films about Roman Catholicism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 It comes with the territory, dolls!  So, get down there, and scrub!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 My back aches, already!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Holy Saturday, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Can you believe we have arrived at it, already?????????  so, whether you visit a church, light a candle, or throw yourselves before a statue of the Virgin, do something to acknowledge the holiness of the day.  The Earth is at peace now, as the Resurrection is awaited, which happens early tomorrow, when Mary Magdalene--that's right, not Yvonne Elliman!!!!!!!!--carried spices to the tomb, to anoint the body of Jesus!

                            A Happy Holy Saturday to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           May all our lives be peaceful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Tragic Story Of George Jodoin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                When I saw this on "Murder Comes To Town," I knew immediately what was coming.  I should.  I grew up in a small town, too.

                                   George Jodoin was the third of ten children, all of whom lived near one another, and were all over each other, in and out of each other' houses, like locusts. Typical small town behavior that arts oriented folk want to get away from as soon as possible, but the Jodoins were not artistic. They were just, so AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     But, there was something about George I caught on to.....real fast.  He had a multitude of interests--boating, car racing, music, and he had a successful real estate, pawn shop business.  Those who talked, and who in small towns does not, suggested George was not always on the up and up, but that was never proved.

                                       What caught me was, here is George, living in his childhood home, family nearby, in this repressed town.  Through more than half of the program, nothing was mentioned about him being married, divorced, seeing anyone, which caused me to think..Hmmmmmmmmm.........

                                            Could George have been gay????????  I bet he was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             And I turned out to be right. Because, years later, when the police finally caught Arthur Collins, a handy man who had worked for George, he confessed George came on to him, trying to kiss him, and get into the bathroom, for some oral sex!

                                             Georgie, baby, you were killed by some homophobic fuck!!!!!!!!!!  How disgusting!

                                              But, really, you should have known better. If I could see right through you, George, so could others, and while they may have been discreet, it does not mean they were approving. You should have headed off to the nearest large city--even Boston is more tolerant of gays than Auburn and Manchester, New Hampshire.

                                               All George's story does is point to the tragedy of someone gay living in a small town.  And that Grace Metalious was not off the mark in setting "Peyton Place" in New Hampshire. Hell, Grace, things are still that way, decades after your passing.

                                                 I hope Arthur Collins gets corn holed in prison.  He looks like Ned Beatty in "Deliverance," and who could forget that????????????

                                                   Learn from George, you young ones!  If you are gay and stuck, get the hell out!!!!!!!!!  Fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Because, to paraphrase, Jeannie C. Riley, "This is just a little 'Peyton Place,' and you're all Auburn, NH hypocrites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Two Holy Days, For The Price Of One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     I don't know how often this happens, or if it has ever happened, in my lifetime, but today, of course, happens to be both Good Friday and The Annunciation.

                      The latter, which paves the way for things nine months later, is when Mary, a virgin--that's right, you better believe it! was told by an angel that she was to be the mother of Jesus. And, listen, when an angel appears to you, and tells you something, you had better believe it.

                         The more important aspect of today, of course, is Good Friday, when Jesus died for our sins.  Now, let's get something straight. It is much more than the day when John Wayne, as the Centurion said, "Clearly, this man was the Son of God," as Jesus expired, and the storm arose. That was only in "The Greatest Story Ever Told," a very flawed film that, nevertheless, should be seen once.

                            It is the most sorrowful day for Catholics, followed Sunday by the most joyous, Easter!  On this Good Friday, I shall remember the things I have to be grateful for, which would not have been possible, without Jesus' sacrifice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And, thanks to Vatican Two, it is the  last meatless Friday, this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a challenge dinner is, during Lent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Almost Time, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               That's right!  That is Ermadean Walters and Mary Anderson, to let you know Easter is almost here, and at this house that means the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette."

                               I mean, look at the brilliant photographic composition of the shot!  Everything about it says drama, from the open anguish on Ermadean, to the puzzlement of Mary.  Where do you see this kind of acting, anymore?????????  And isn't it a pity we don't??????????????

                                This is has been my Easter film for lo these many years.  I know there are some out there who swear by "The Ten Commandments," or "Ben-Hur."  Maybe even "King Of Kings."

                                But since 1968, when I first saw it, at age 13, it has, and always will be "The Song Of Bernadette!"

                                 Get the DVD and watch along with me, girls!  The sanctity starts on Easter Sunday, at 1PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easiest Bitch I've Ever Picked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  With today being Maundy Thursday, and the day my Bitch Of The Week column always appears, I cannot believe, in all my years of doing it, I have never chosen this selection.  What better winner for this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award than...Judas Iscariot????????????

                                    You have to hand it to Judas, for being an interesting character.  After all, he opens "Jesus Christ Superstar" with the stunning solo "Heaven On Their Minds."  He was portrayed by David McCallum in "The Greatest Story Ever Told" (1965), although the theatrical depiction of his suicide in that film is as false as using Monument Valley Utah for the Holy Land.

                                      Judas was a nasty bitch, but you have to give him his due.  Seldom has a kiss between two men had such impact!  Without it, where would Christianity be????????????

                                       Was Judas a sacrificial lamb?  Only you yourselves can answer that question!!!!!!!!!  But, for Holy Thursday, there is no better choice for Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!

                                         "You liar!  You....Judas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Happy Maundy Thursday, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     "Look at all my trials and tribulations,
                                                      Sinking in a gentle pool of wine.
                                                      What's that in the bread? It's gone to my head.
                                                       Till this evening is this morning, life is fine.

                                                       Always hoped that I'd be an Apostle.
                                                       Knew that I could make it if I tried.
                                                       Then we retire, we can write the Gospels,
                                                        So, they'll still talk about us, when we've died."
                                                         ---Andrew Lloyd Webber, "Jesus Christ, Superstar"



                            I don't know how happy it is, actually, because this is the night the Last Supper took place--when Jesus supposedly said, "Everybody get behind the table, for the picture!"--and when Judas Iscariot did the deed!  It had to happen, to pave the way for the Resurrection, and Christianity, but to call all this happy demands questioning.

                             Interestingly, I did not know till very recently--and I was raised Catholic, girls, as I as am sure most of you have figured out!!!!--that this day, Holy Thursday, marks the official end of Lent.  I never knew that.  I was still operating on the childhood premise that Lent ends when that Easter basket full of candy is placed in your hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Never too late to learn, dears!  Still, I hope everyone has a joyous Easter lead-in and Sunday.  Whether it is Mary Magdalene at the tomb, or Peter Cottontail, enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 See?????????  And there they are, all gathered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Notice To The Cast--The Raving Queen Will Be There!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              That's right, everyone.  After my post where I voiced my fears about the production, plus my singing of nothing but the score at home, my beloved said we should break down and get tickets.  So we did. We will be seeing the show on Sunday, May 22.

                                 Which means I want Laura, Jane, Gavin, Byron, Zachary and Peter Bartlett (whom I know peripherally) to be on hand.  Speaking of Laura, I have reason to worry; the first time I saw "Gypsy" at the St. James, early in the run, Laura was out.  When I went back, almost a year later, thank God, she was there.

                                     So, Laura take care of your voice.  I would like you to prove me wrong on Amalia!!!!!!!!!!  Believe me, nothing would make me happier!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      And I have to start doing some leg exercises, because I want legs like Jane Krakowski, so I can get pulled across the stage by Gavin Creel, or whomever wants to pull me.

                                       I mean, just look at this?  Isn't it fabulous?  I want to do this, just like Jane!!!!!!!!!!

                                        So, Jane and company, I want you all on hand, when I attend on May 22!!!!!!!!!

                                         The Raving Queen is watching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Never Knew Spy Wednesday Was So Lurid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            This is not the night Judas did "the deed," but Spy Wednesday is the day he made the deal with the high priest to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver.  I wonder what that bought, back then, and what Judas had planned to do with the money.  If he was smart, and had not killed himself, he might have used it for a cosmetic makeover, because, let me tell you, if the Apostles had not had Jesus, they wouldn't have known a thing about grooming!!!!!  All their toenails would have been ingrown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             And wait till you hear this. In Poland, they have a Spy Wednesday ceremony.  An effigy of Judas gets thrown from a church steeple to the street, where it is dragged, until it is virtually in tatters, and then this effigy is drowned in water!  Talk about hating Judas!  Well,
nobody does like him, but he is essential to the history of Christianity.

                                                So, don't let anyone or anything tempt you, this Spy Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!  Who knew there was this much to it???????????

What Actually Happened In Bergenfield?????????????????????

                                Honestly, girls, I just don't know!  In my day, Bergen County was a high end area, and any community within it was strictly high end.

                                   But just look at these two--Mark Morris and Annette Torres!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They don't like they could own a house in Bergenfield.  In my day, they would have been servants, who would have been damned glad to wait on me at the dining room table, from the kitchen!

                                    They look like real trash!!!!!!!!!!!  Guess standards have come down in Bergenfield, or they now have a wrong side of the tracks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     At 10:20 am on Saturday morning, an 11-year-old boy found the couple not breathing, and called the police.  The way I understand it, the boy was the child of Mark Morris, aged 44.  This is NOT the choreographer, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!  There was said to be another child, who apparently was not home; who that child belonged to is anyone's guess. They both look as though they played fast and loose with reproduction.

                                       The boy was traumatized, and removed to Children's Services.  The police are calling this domestic violence, culminating in a murder suicide.  It would seem Mark shot Annette first, then turned the gun on himself.  One account said this was done to leave the boy with all the pain!!!!!!!!  What a sick bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I want to know what the trigger or motivator was.  Because, until that is firmly established, darlings, my suspicions will not be cleared.

                                          Suppose the boy killed the adults.  Suppose he hated living in Bergenfield--growing up in Jersey can be hard on some kids--and he wanted to flee across the river to New York, where generations of children have fled suburban oppression.

                                            Suppose one or more of the adults was abusing him.  Or this other child, who was not at home, and thus was protected. Maybe at the boy's behest.

                                              I think this bears looking into.

                                              Which is why homeowners should do the neighbors a favor, and look into their buyers' backgrounds.  Don't sell to trash!!!!!!!!!!!  Look what can happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why I Am So Worried About "She Loves Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                             You wouldn't think I would be worried about such a thing, girls, but I am.

                              The show breezed into town last week, getting the kind of reviews most of us dream of.  Of course, the score is virtually perfect; along with "My Fair Lady" and "A Little Night Music," it is one of the most romantic musicals ever written.

                                 And it can, and should, be deeply moving.

                                 Which brings me to what I am worried about.

                                   The cast is just about nigh perfect, except for one individual. Laura Benanti.

                                   Now, Laura did a superb job in "Gypsy," as both the frumpy and glamorous Louise.  But that was five years ago, darlings, and Laura has aged.  Just look at the set and costumes--perfect, exactly what they should be!  And those pajamas Laura has on, you better believe I am dying to wear, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But, is Laura really suited for Amalia Balash?  Now, I admit, I am one of those purists who insist no one can touch Barbara Cook in the role. But, in my time, I have seen some Amalias--Judy Kuhn and Diane Fratantoni among them--and what all of them had was a warmth, vulnerability and gutlessness that was beguiling.

                                       Just look at Laura.  Amalia is not supposed to be Agnes Gooch, but neither is she supposed to look as slick and polished as Laura.  As for her vocals, well, during previews, she missed some performances--horrors!!!!!!!!--and I have to wonder if she was not up to the score vocally. Because, having heard her do "Ice Cream," her rendition leaves me cold. She hits all the right notes, is technically correct, but there is no warmth, spontaneity, or rising joyousness to her singing.
Which leaves me to think Laura might be off her game, as Amalia.

                                         Whereas, two actresses, one now working, would have been far better.  Let me explain what I mean.

                                            Jessie Mueller is currently coming into town, with "Waitress," and we cannot wait and see what she does with the role.  I have heard her sing a cut from the score, and it moved me to tears. Which is what Amalia should do. Now, Jessie did Amalia in Chicago, before  'Clear Day' made her a Broadway star, and she won an award for it.  Take a look at Jessie. This IS Amalia!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If she had been cast, as she should, she would be winning her second TONY Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              The other actress with the vulnerability and warmth to do this is the great Celia Keenan-Bolger!  Just look at that vulnerability. And, with her musical training, I am sure she could pull off Amalia.

                                               My beloved has been bugging me so much, about getting tickets.  I have singing nothing but the score since it opened, which means I am going to cave in.  He has never seen this show--my God, how can such a thing BE????--and I am curious to see if I just might be wrong about Laura.  I have, on other occasions.

                                                 So, those are my concerns, with a promise to report back!!!!!!!

                                                   Ta-ta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Proserpina Comes Back From Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       At least, she is supposed, to, darlings!  But, what with the cold weather and the snow on the ground this morning, who would believe it is the First Day Of Spring?  I am telling you, Winter will just not let go of its grasp on us!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Of course, according to some, yesterday was the First Day Of Spring, which made the Bay Ridge St. Patrick's Parade a special occasion, what with everyone from Seamus to Marty Golden on hand.  It should be noted, Seamus, the Paws Truly dog, got more applause than Marty!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         After today, the temperature is supposed to climb, and hopefully we will get some Spring weather.  This is a time of Hope, so let the Hope come forth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         That's the quality of hope, dolls, NOT Hope Lange!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Holy Week, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             It really began yesterday, which, of course, was Palm Sunday. But, in just six more days, that means Easter, and, of course, the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette."

                              Actually "Ben-Hur" (with Charlton Heston) was on last night on one of the cable channels, and while I thought about watching it--though it is better on the screen--it eight until midnight running time, on a work night, caused me to have second thougths.

                               To think we are coming down the home stretch of Lent.  It seems to go faster and faster this year.

                                Monday started out on a blessed note, walking with my beloved to the train, and the sweetest little terrier dog, whom I stopped to pet, plus our good friends Stinky and Roxy, who were out being walked, and were so glad to see us, especially Stinky.  We both got kisses and scratches galore. All of which points to a Good Holy Week.  However you celebrate, may yours be a happy one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What A Day We Had, Yesterday, Dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Imagine, a Saturday where I did not have to work, but we had to get up, anyway.  That is because my beloved had a dental appointment, all the way up in Inwood, and I would not think of not accompanying him.  So, off we went.

                               But, not before the coffee incident.  My day always starts with coffee; if not, I am such a bitch!!!!!!!!  Anyway, my beloved said he wanted some, too, so I went to make it.  Only, when it was ready, I discovered I had put the right amount of coffee in, but only half the amount of water!!!!!!!!!!

                               To say this coffee was strong would be a major understatement.  It was a quadruple espresso!!!!!  I downed mine; my beloved could barely get it down!  Soon, I was whizzing!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, I was on a caffeine high, hitting the highest notes of the "Evita" score early in the day!!!!!!!!!   Watch out, Patti!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Added to this, it was St. Joseph's Day, which is when the swallows return to Capistrano.  I used to think that Capistrano was the mission used at the stunning climax of Hitchcock's "Vertigo!"  But, I don't think it was.  I had n o time to play the famous song.

                                  Then, we dined at a nearby diner, where I had the "Carol" lunch--poached eggs with creamed spinach.  I should have had wine, but, instead I had properly prepared coffee.

                                    It was a rich meal, that just sat in my stomach.  How did Fifties lesbians do this?  And with those clothes?

                                    By the time we were headed back to Brooklyn, I began to experience what I am convinced was caffeine withdrawal.  I took to my bed the rest of the day, feeling almost ill.  By "Judge Judy" time, I felt right again, which is when I figured out what I had been going through.

                                     All in all;, it was quite a day, girls!!!!!!!!!!  So, to make things up. here is the famous song!  Enjoy!

                               

How About A Full Blown, Lesbian Musical?????????????????????

                                Is "Fun Home" actually a lesbian musical?  I say not.  Lesbianism is key to the plot elements, but more importantly, I think "Fun Home" is a musical about sexual self-discovery, as almost every character in it, including the mother (Judy Kuhn) in the magnificent "Days And Days," is coming to some sort of terms with themselves.

                                 It is ground breaking.  But now, that ground is open for a flat out lesbian musical. And here is what I propose.

                                   The stage is dark. Suddenly, light falls upon a park bench, stage center. Music begins, and, from stage right, enters an older woman, who takes a seat, and sings to the audience a song about lesbian loneliness. Perhaps she is clutching the Radclyffe Hall classic.

                                       She sits quietly.  Another woman appears, stage left, takes a seat on the bench, and the two strike up a conversation.  The older woman discovers that the younger will be teaching at the school she has been for years. The two begin a duet about yearnings--but are those yearnings the same, for each.

                                         Thus, the start of the musical version of "Notes On A Scandal," which encompasses lesbianism, obsession, cats, U-Haul trucks, catfishing, like that Mary Kay Letourneau--everything cliched component needed for a lesbian musical!  With the rest cast--how about Kathy Bates and Jessie Mueller??????---it could be a hit.  Ending with a cameo by Ann Morrison as Anabel.

                                            This would be the "Springtime For Hitler" of the Broadway season.  Its mixture of camp and claptrap would sweep the TONY Awards??????????  I can see it in lights, now!!!!!!!!!!

                                               And clandestine lunches of creamed spinach and poached eggs would go on the rise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ford's Latest Is Flawed, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          I am not sure if it is entirely Ford's fault, but more of what he is writing about.  The man is a brilliant wordsmith, and his three previous Bascombe novels--"The Sportswriter," "Independence Day," and "The Lay Of The Land"--I loved, because, despite the darkness within, hope shined through.

                                           Not so with this volume, though a few things within it are structurally brilliant. The title is a double entendre--the author asking the reader permission to speak about rather unpleasant things, while at the same, asking one permission to revisit Frank Bascombe one more time.

                                             Now, I know Ford has written short story collections, but I have never read them.  So, I was not prepared for this book being a string of novellas, held together by the presence of Frank Bascombe.  I would have been more satisfied had the work been fleshed out and structured as a novel.

                                               Within these pages, Frank is sixty-eight. He has endured prostate cancer, and seems to be contemplating his own mortality throughout.  As a result some things here are just so upsetting--a visitor to his house reveals a horrid family secret, an ex-spouse is slowly dying of Parkinson's, while another friend is expiring quicker from pancreatic cancer.  "My God," I kept thinking. " Have I wandered into Joan Didion territory?  Get me outta here!!!!!!!!!"

                                                  Granted, at sixty-eight one is closer to mortality than not. But I have a feeling Frank is not through with life yet, nor is Ford through with Frank.  The cover art, which mirrors the integration of the destruction of Hurricane Sandy into South Jersey, is effective, as well.

                                                     I would read Richard Ford at a moment's notice. But I wonder why he chose to write about Frank in this way.  Was he just stymied, or merely satisfying a contract obligation?

                                                       The results are eminently readable, but not as satisfying as Ford's other books. He definitely paints better on a larger canvass!

                                                         Bigger is better with you, Mr. Ford!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         

Trailer Trash Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Forget Barbie, darlings!  That was all play acting.  Remember, she also portrayed,  over the years, Karen Carpenter (for which she should have been nominated for an Oscar!!!!!!!) as well as Maria Von Trapp and Scarlett  O'Hara.  Oh, and I cannot wait to see Barbara Millicent Roberts, and Midge in the doll version of "Carol!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                 Not only is Dale Schmidt trailer trash, he is the winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award.

                                    This garden variety pedophile lives in said trailer with his mother, who is probably straight out of Ann Ramsey in "Throw Mama From The Train."  Mama must have not been around the day Dale did his deed.

                                      On the eleventh of March, this year, Dale knocked on the door of his 13-year-old neighbor, a boy.  The boy wanted to learn guitar tuning, and Dale invited him to his trailer, knowing they would be alone, and saying the boy's father gave permission to visit Dale--though the boy never heard this from his father.

                                      I am telling you, these straight boys are so naive; they don't know when they are being handed a line.  "Come on over, and let me show you how to tune a  guitar."  Oh, sure, Dale, I know what strings you want to pluck!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And he tried. He got the boy on the bed, and began touching him. As the boy tried to escape, Dale tried to pull down his pants saying, "Let's see what a big boy you are!"  I kid you not, darlings!  Not only are these lines stale, but it takes years of being gay to see through this sort of chicanery.

                                          The boy escaped, made it to his home, with Dale banging on the boy's trailer door. I have no doubt had he made it inside, he would have assaulted the boy for his gratification, and then killed him, to keep quiet. That is how these sickos operate. The boy told his father, and the father called the police.

                                              Dale was arrested, and jailed.  At 58, living with Mama, he was going nowhere. But, on Sunday evening, he did--police found him hanging in his cell. He had committed suicide.

                                                 Too bad you couldn't face your punishment. First you traumatize a young boy, then you screw you life, and now you leave your Mama with grief over your loss, and the reason for it.

                                                   I am sorry you felt this was the way, Dale, but you are a REAL bitch!!!!!!!!!   The best winner, for this week, I will tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           It's a great day for the Irish, darlings....and everyone else who wants to be, on this day.

                            Have fun, but remember moderation rules the day.  St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland; his legend says nothing about drinking Guiness'.

                             Corned beef and cabbage is the order of the day, of course. As for parades, I will have one of my own, thank you. The days of Jack McCarthy on Channel 11, unfortunately, are long past!!!!!!!!!!!

                                So, Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! Remember Maureen in "The Quiet Man!"

                                 And here is a classic I will share with you!