Here Is How To Bring Musical Theater Back To New York!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Girls, I am telling you, Theater Queens would flock to it, in droves--"Kill Her, Mommy!," a musical adaptation of the 1980 classic, "Friday The !3th!"

                                           Back in 2005, librettist and lyricist Hunter Bell, along with composers Jon and Al Kaplan did a musical Off-Broadway called "Silence!," based on the book and film, "The Silence Of The Lambs."  I was always sorry I never saw this, and meant to, but I changed my mind today when I saw that Hannibal Lecter's opening number was a solo called "If I Could Smell Your ***t!!!!!!!!"

                                              Imagine, having to sing that?  Or not?  On the other hand, maybe I should track it down; what an attention grabber for an audition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Of course, what I am proposing would not be as vulgar.  It would go something like  this.

                                                  The whole thing would  take place inside a camp cabin.  The entrance door would be up center, through which characters, especially Mrs. Voorhees" would make their entrances, and exits.  Six beds,  three on each side, would comprise the Camp Chorus.  Boys and girls mixed, all of "Annie" age.

                                                    The songs, at least what I have thought up so far, would go something like this--

                       1.  Opening--"The Ballad Of Barry And Claudette--"  Barry, Claudette, Baby Jason, and Camp Chorus.

          

                        2.  "Hi, Boy!--"Annie (the first present day victim).

                         3.  "They're Opening That Place Again?-- "Trudy and Cafe Crowd.

                       4.  "You're All Doomed!--"  Crazy  Ralph (the role  I would audition for!).

                      5.  "Back To California--"  Alice.

                      6.  "Sleep With Me, Even Though I Am Such  A Loser!--"  Steve Christy.

                     7.  "I'm So Stupid, I'm Gonna Get Killed!--"  Ned.

                     8.  "Strip Monopoly--"  Brenda.

                     9.  "'Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie, You'll Always Be Plain'--"Marcie.

                     10.  "Just A Night On The Town!"--Sandy, The Diner Waitress.

                   11.  "Kill Her, Mommy!--" Mrs. Voorhees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   12.  "Decapitation Ballet--" Alice and Mrs.  Voorhees.

                   13.  "Finale--" Company, with actress playing Mrs. Voorhees taking bow, with decapitated head,  held in  hand!

                     Hey! "Friday, The 13th!" Thirteen musical numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     All right, start writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     Now,  as for casting, well you've got me as Crazy Ralph!  MY choice for Mrs. Voorhees  would be Ann Morrison, the original  Mary Flynn in "Merrily,' who has the sense of humor, vocal chops, and understanding of parody to pull this off.  Though my age, she looks 20 years younger, which, with all else, would make her the perfect Mrs. Voorhees.

                     How about Celia Keenan-Bolger, as Trudy?

                     Kate Burton, as Sandy, The Diner Waitress.?

                      Victoria Clark, as Diner Customer In  Striped Dress And Cat-Eye Glasses?

                        If this were playing now, I might just flock to it.  Except, I would be too busy on stage,  performing this.  And, of  course,  I would understudy Mrs. Voorhees.

                        "Let's put a show, kids!"  Let's REALLY bring Musical Theater back to New York!

                       More sparkling than "Babes In Arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What A Phony, Pretentious Prick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Before we get started, girls, I just want to fill you in.  I did sing "Frank Mills" live, last night, not in front of the Waverly, but in my living room, at sundown.  I also, yesterday, finished the new Sally Rooney, "Beautiful World, Where Are You?," and all I will say now is it is high time Sally made up her mind if she is a novelist or a playwright.  And then stick with it.  I have also started the new Lauren Groff, entitled "Matrix," and let me tell you, not since "Black Narcissus" has there been such a nun's story!  And I am only one third of the way through.

                                    Now, to the topic at hand.  For all those decrying Ben Platt's look and manner in the film "Dear Evan Hansen,"-- which I plan to see, because of Platt's gorgeous vocals--take a good look at this guy.  He calls himself Cash Jordan.  That is about as phony a  moniker as "Chance Wayne," except that name was spun from the prosaic cloth of Tennessee Williams, so it had some dramatic cred.  But, THIS guy?

                                       You think Platt's overaged?  Take a good look at this guy.  He claims to be 24, but looks more like 40, and he is dressing more  Evan Hansen than Platt ever did, even when he played the role onstage.  Give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           He fancies himself one of NYC's top realtors, operating out of some one horse dive in the East Village,  on St, Mark's place.  Face it, Cash, you are NOT Ann Cutler Lenane.   She has been around longer than you, and she is the top.

                                             Honey, you most likely aren't even A top!  You parade around with a cute Asian woman purporting to be your wife, and a child named Lily, claiming to be your daughter, but both are probably some nanny and her charge  you abducted off the street for media exploitation purposes.  Because your underage way of dressing, and your manner of "Oh-look-at-me-I-am- so-straight-and-SO-cool!" is not fooling anyone, doll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 As for the videos, short though they be, I could not get through even one.  Taken into consideration as some sort of experimental cinema, it barely passes muster.

                                                    Who the hell would name a child Cash?  Maybe Johnny, but that was once in a  lifetime.  This cash lacks credibility, exudes phoniness, and, girls, couldn't even sell me a candy bar.  Even if I wasn't diabetic.

                                                      Stay in Astoria, where you belong, Cash.  I always had a low opinion of the borough of Queens, and you exemplify all the reasons why.

                                                         Get off your ego trip, and do something REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"......Right Here, In Front Of The Waverly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                              Yes, my dears, it is that time again.

                                               Happy "Frank Mills" Day!  Where has the time gone?

                                               I played the song first thing when  I got up.  Shelley Plimpton, of  course.

                                               I  will sing it live, later today.  I don't think  I will  go into  the city today, so my spirit will be in front of the Waverly.

                                                 However,  one may celebrate this day,  remember it!

                                                 Here is Shelley's inimitable rendition!  Cherish it!

Gojira Remembers 9/11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Our beloved reptile friend, Gojira, bows his head sadly, in memory of those who have gone before us on this day, twenty years ago, and the families it still impacts on.

                                       He is especially sad for the children then, and the adults they have become.

                                        He comes in peace, and  wishes that, and comfort, for everyone  on  this day.

                                         Thank you,  Gojira!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can You Believe It Has Been 20 Years???????????????????????????

                                      I had just emerged from below ground, having taken the No.1 downtown train,  to 14th Street and Seventh Avenue.  I had an appointment with  my then therapist.  It was such a beautiful, clear, crisp morning that was almost too perfect.  Well, that was about to change.

                                         As I approached St. Vincent's Hospital, I saw a group of Con Ed workers talking.  Walking by, I caught something  about a "plane hitting the World Trade Center."  I was surprised,  and walked on, thinking of the story my father once told  me, of  how a  plane crashed into  the Empire State  Building, back  in  1947.  Nobody was really harmed,  and I thought, at first,  the World Trade Center incident was no  more ominous than back  in  1947.

                                          Then, I  saw what was pictured, above.  My first thought was this was out of a 50's monster movie.  People were standing  in the middle  of Christopher Street and  Seventh Avenue South,  where I now was, watching in horror.  Then, the second tower seemed to go ablaze, and  mass  hysteria struck.  Even more,  when a woman , on her phone, shouted,  "They hit the Pentagon!"  That is when I knew we were under attack.   Along  with November 22, 1963, I knew this would be a benchmark  date  for  my generation.  And it is.

                                             I was late for my appointement, but neither of  us seemed  bothered.  I was in some kind of  shock, and we  talked of  inconsequential  things.  This was on  Waverly Place.   When  I was sent back into the  fray, more people gathered  in shock and horror, consoling each other.  Suddenly, we  all  screamed, as before our eyes, the second tower fell before our eyes,  slowly flattening out.  People began to  run.  I began to walk.  I wasn't  certain where, though I eventually ended up at my workplace, where we watched the  coverage, till told  to  go home.

                                              That was two decades  ago.  I was 46, then; I am 66 now.  

                                                City life changed then; ironically, as a  result of the current pandemic, another benchmark, it will change again.

                                                  We can never forget.  But, twenty years ahead, I have to ask  myself--

                                                    Where shall we be???????????????????

Darlings, Join Us Tomorrow Night, As Svengoolie Presents "Abbott And Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                             Darlings, what a week!  I am on a reading spree, reading the new Sally Rooney, which all the glitterati in NYC are doing right now, my sister is in the middle of a dramatic, life changing move, with a problematic daughter, and troubled granddaughter.  My great-niece!  One of my friends advised me this week not to "borrow trouble," and boy, was she right.

                                              Tomorrow is September 11th--20 years, hons!--and that is enough to give one pause.  I will sure  do a post on that, tomorrow.  And then Sunday is "Frank Mills" Day, so will I go to the Waverly?  Even if I don't, I WILL sing it!

                                                So, maybe David was right--hell, of course he was!!!!!!--when he said Svengoolie probably chose this seldom seen--I have never seen it, and can't wait!-- film to show tomorrow night.  A little levity and humor on a traumatic day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               I did see excerpts in my childhood, thanks to a childhood friend, whose father had a one reel home movie compilation of scenes from it.  But that is all I know.

                                                 And Boris Karloff playing Dr. Jekyll?  That should be a real treat!!!!!!!!!!

                                                So, join  us all tomrrow night for some ghoulish, humorous cheer.

                                                  Baby Gojira, Pippin, and Kerwyn cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  See you tomorrow,  girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This "Thirst" Is Not Just About For Blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       So, "Red Tide" has established the inhabitants are on a fame trip, with the price being vamprism.  What I would like to know, in P-Town, during off season, where does one go to find victims?  Even animals hibernate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Anyway, in this episode, it was Leslie Grossman's turn to steal the show.  She plays Ursula, Harry Gardener's literary agent, like a parody of Sue Mengers.  She tears into Austin and Belle at the club, manages to glean Mickey's (Macualay Culkin) talent, though I still say his real talent is for pedo hustling, and that he is playing a down and out version of his down and out self.  Kind of using the Amanda Plummer acting technique, only not nearly as entertaining or lively, as she.

                                       Meanwhile, Doris (Lily Rabe) is still hospitalized, and Alma, whose name, as all Tennessee Williams' devotees should know, means "soul," demonstrates she has none, as she says to her father of her mother, "We don't need her."  Ryan Kiera Armstrong's delivery of this line is bone-chilling; I don't know if Ryan Murphy realizes it, but with Armstrong, and his repetory company, Murphy has the cast to make a  truly 1950's redo of "The Bad Seed," which I will talk about in another post.  Let's just say that Armstrong, more than any other Rhoda I have seen, is remarkably on the Patty McCormack spectrum.

                                            There were two other scene stealers, and I wish I knew the actors who played them.  They were the snuff filmmaking couple, who got more than they bargained for.  The man looked like he just came  from a casting call for "The Hills Have Eyes," while the woman looked like a 1960's Shelley Plimpton on speed.  No "Frank Mills" innocence for this Miss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              And shame on Ursula for ruining Belle and Austin's Captain And Tennille act, which both Conroy and Peters did to perfection.  They are a joy to watch, whether camping it up, or feasting on blood.

                                                Speaking of blood, hey, guys, can you now go a bit easy on it?  We have established the town is populated with vampires, all of whom are out for some fame--even Ursula, or maybe I should say, of course, Urusla?  But too much it too much.

                                                    And, please bring back Sarah Paulson as Tuberculosis Karen; her best character since Hypodermic Sally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Can't wait to see what happens tonight, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!