Darlings, Carry Me Back To Ol' Bay Ridge!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, girls, I know the actual song says "carry me back to ol' Virginny," but having never lived in Virginia, my heart never belonged there. But once upon a time, it DID belong to Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, and last night, while attending a fabulous party in that august neighborhood, the feeling came back with a vengeance!!!!!!

But first, a little piece of Raving Queen history hitherto not known.

Back when I was an ingenue, dears (not that I still am not) in the late 80s, I wanted to move to New York. For me, girls, it had to be Manhattan or bust, and that meant the Dakota. But after a hotel room and some sublets, it became apparent that Manhattan the way I wanted it was just not going to happen at that time, so I had to look beyond for living comfortably!!!!! My childhood friend, Doug, and cousins, Sean and Billy (they were unmarried at the time) were all living in Bay Ridge, so I looked there, found a place, and prepared to live there for the next 50 years!!!!!!

Such memories of bay Ridge--the Italian stores and restaurants, seeing "Moonstruck" and "Single White Female" for the first time at the Alpine, where a Sunday afternoon movie for $4, followed by a donut and coffee across the street was a weekly ritual for years. Our Lady Of Angels was the most beautiful Catholic church, and the esplanade where you could walk, bike ride, or sit 'neath the Verazanno and gaze out at the bay or read was a staple of my life there.

The picturesque view from my bedroom window sold me on the apartment from the moment I saw it. And what I liked further about Bay Ridge was--though the commute was long, being a reader it gave me lots of reading time, AND if I DID NOT have to go into Manhattan on my days off, there was plenty to do out there where I did not have to.

But unfortunately, what happened was time. When I moved in, my building was managed by Sam Giordano. Several years later, he sold to Georges Poulakakis, and in 1991, the Super, Thomas Jones, passed on. That was the beginning of the end. Because, instead of employing another super right away, Poulakakis assigned his wife, Despina, who was called Debbie (can you believe it, darlings???) to deal with tenants and their problems.

Despina Poulakakis was one of these fat Greek fishwives, who was ugly, obtrusive, and hateful to everyone. You know, the kind who did her laundry by beating it over rocks down by the bay. Over the next six years, the relationship between us eroded, with problems in the place multiplying at a rate she could not handle in dealing with, but insisted on doing so, which meant they were not being dealt with at all. Things culminated when I called her "low class," and she said I "hate all the ladies" (CODA--homophobia). At said time she told me I was free to go and find another apartment, and she wished me the best of luck. Yeah, right, bitch!!!! Well, good riddance to you!!!!!!!

Now, dolls, so many have asked me why I just did not move to another place in Bay Ridge. And the truth--to this day, in fact--is that I wanted to, but was terrified of moving into another building fronted by Despina, or moving into one that was not, but having her buy it up. To escape Despina, I had to leave Bay Ridge....and I did not want to!!!!!!!!

Which took me to Woodside, Queens, where, to my surprise I still reside, for a longer period of time than I ever lived in Bay Ridge. I made one key mistake with Woodside--I thought all New York neighborhoods were interchangeable, and that I could simply recreate my Bay Ridge routines in Woodside. When I found I could not, I realized the mistake I had made, and began to hate Woodside....not the apartment so much, as the neighborhood. And even though over time I have made piece with Woodside--through a set of circumstances that included a noisesome nut, a water damaged ceiling, and being on psychotropic and anti-depressant meds--I still long for Bay Ridge.

And, honey, this was brought home by the fabulous time, we had out there last night!!!!! First of all, we got off at the famed final stop at 95th Street on the "R" train, whereupon I showed Monsieur Davide the church with the statue of Bernadette and the Vision, and then we walked to 97th Street, where we beheld the dwelling place of the legendary "Miss T," got into her lobby to ascertain her TRUE apartment number, and Monsieur kissed me on the spot!!!!! Can you imagine, girls!!!!! 'Neath the dwelling place of a legendary sexual predator!!!!!!!!

Then we continued down to Shore Road, where I beheld the bay for the first time in at least ten years, and my heart broke. But this was compensated for by David's friend, Ellen, who has the poise of Sheila in "A Chorus Line" and the party hostess skills of Mame, a role she should do!!!! I am telling you--everything from that sweet, wounded bird Alvin, to a "barkmitzvah" (I kid you not!!!!) to a wife trying to hatch a bird egg by implanting it between tjhe warmth of one of her husband's testicles (you cannot make this stuff up, dears; I mean, this is MY life!!!!!!) whereupon he woke up smashed and gooey wondering what physical damage he was suffering from, or if he still had that testicle at all!!!! Talk about ball busting, darlings!!!!!!!

But the apartment was SO Bay Ridge--no books, mirrors, metal strips as window curtains--just like a Bay Ridge diner. The cuisine was scrumptious-- delicious roasted veggies, spiced beef, latkes with sour cream and peach applesauce--I am telling you, it was yummy!!!! And Ellen's bed....girls, I laid on it, and I felt like the Princess And The Pea!!!!!! By the time we said farewell, this Princess wanted to go back to bay Ridge, and still does!!!!! So in between getting on the Fran show, and keeping up with my life at the whirlwind pace of Meryl Streep, I am asking all my readers out there to help Monsieur Davide and I find a cozy honeymoon cottage in Bay Ridge!!!!! You can even buy it for us as a tax write-off, and make a donation in the name of the Justice For Tyler Clementi Foundation, which you know I am the President of, girls!!!!!!!!!! So get cracking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you thought my Saturdays were dull,????? No chance, honey!!!!!!!!!
Now go to the store and buy some unguent, girls!!!!!!!

Bye for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!