Darlings, Christmas Shopping Is Insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, girls, you would think, being gay, that I LOVE shopping, and I do, especially when I am shopping for books, theater tkts, fragrances, and other essentials!!!!!! But when December comes round, even the Raving Queen loathes shopping, because of the pushing, the shoving, the crowds!!!!!!!! I mean, I get this the rest of the year just riding the subway each day. Why should I be especially subjected to it, just because it is Christmas????????????

This is what I was thinking about last night, as I walked down a freezing West 34th Street to meet Monsieur Davide at his workplace building, when, suddenly, a spark of genius struck. We were meeting allegedly to go into Macy's--I know, I must be crazy!!!!!!!--to get my father a gift certificate for there. I have done it before. Well, en route, I passed a Duane Reade, and remember that they have cards, and lo and behold, there was one from Macy's!!!! So I purchased it, met Monsieur, and before you could say "Raising Hope," we were en route on the subway home. This is how you have to shop, girls! You have to think inspirationally, or else you will be pushed and shoved!!!!!! You know what you can push and shove, you bitches????????????

I am just offering some helpful advice to my girls. Of course, there is also shopping online, but for those of us who like the tactile experience, one must look for alternatives in order to keep yourself from going stark raving bonkers, and so you can get some ACTUAL enjoyment out of the Christmas season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is still all about Baby Jesus, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!