Girls, I Know You Are Just Going To Love This Gossip!!!!!!

My girls are literate, so I know they will get this reference, which is that what Tolstoy said about families in the opening sentence of "Anna Karenina," he was damn right, honey!!!!!!! And something going on in our family is a perfect example of such!!!!!

You know that White Trash uncle I am always talking about. Well, one of his now White Trash grandsons is going through what is called a toxic divorce!!!!!! He happens to be one of my second cousins, so I feel a little sympathy, because I am telling you, once he reached adulthood, this guy could not seem to get a break. He was dumber than shit--like most of his tribe--so all he could become was a cop in a suburban berg where the most dangerous crime is theft or drug possession. I mean, big deal!!!!!! Though the town he polices has a certain university that drove one Tyler Clementi to suicide!!!
As if this was not bad enough, the poor guy develops MS, which is absolutely just horrible, and while he thankfully is not in as bad shape as Annette Funnicello, he was never nearly as talented, and was wild enough to have an adolescent car accident. Of course, like the rest of his aforementioned tribe, he went on to become a big, homo hating pussy hound, married a girl who was too good for him by half, and went on to live what his parents reassured everyone was the perfect suburban life and marriage, even if they bought him everything in the first place.

Well, girls, like Tolstoy, lo and behold. we find out things are not so perfect, after all! It seems the poor guy ( you have to feel sorry here!) was in an on-the-job car accident, the car flipped over, resulting in shoulder injury so serious he had to retire on disability. Cars and this cousin do NOT get along, and should be kept from each other!!!!!! But, now, it gets seamier, and this is where the sympathy starts to slide. It seems the marriage, for reasons yet unknown, has been unraveling for years. As a result of this more recent accident, a stint in a rehab center was required, and before you can say "Boy Interrupted," he met a WOMAN there, connected in all sorts of ways, and once it got back to his too-good-for-him wife, she hit the ceiling and the legal sparks are flying!!!!!!!! I just want to say, I am with the wife!!!!!

Now, why would I say that, loves? Let me tell you! This cousin's grandfather was the White Trash bastard who set me up for a job interview that was more a belittling of my homosexuality, which was none of his goddamn business, anyway!!! This uncle's children, at least a couple, could not just shut up about how when I was first out of school I was living at home with my parents, as if that were some kind of disgrace, whereas thirty years later, these children's children run home on a momment's notice, and no one says a goddamn thing. Fuck you, you hypocrites!!!!!!!
This cousin's parents thought THEIR children were perfection, even though the cousin in question was a homophobic jock moron, and the daughter was a stuck up bitch, who was indulged in theatrical fantasies way beyond her level of sophistication; I mean, God forbid mine (and I was MUCH MORE sophisticated, darlings!!!!) should have been tolerated!!!!

But I am getting ahead of myself. Here is the scoop--back in 1967, we were at a Memorial Day family picnic at this uncle's house. Towards the end of the event, I, at the tender age of 12 (though I could pass for 10) heard this cousin (who had to have been in the single digits) call out my name. I turned, and saw this silver thing flying at me!!!! Before I could react, this thing landed smack in one of my eyes, and gave me such a shiner; the only one I have ever had, even with MY big, bitchy mouth!!!!! The little brat had thrown a hubcap off of a lawn mower at me, and this was juvenile homophobia, because even back then, he would go on about how I would act like a girl, etc. Well, fuck you, honey--he went on to have girls, instead of boys, which must have been a blow to his male ego, and now his pussy hounding is going to land him in big time legal trouble. As Santa would say, Ho! Ho! Ho! Though, truthfully, I think the Big Ho is this guy!!!!!!!!!

Which is why I am sorry about all the health aggravations, though not so much about the divorce!!!!!! It will be interesting to see how this plays out, darlings, and you can bet the Raving Queen will report on it all here, girls!!!! But it just goes to show what I have always believed--what goes around comes around!!!! And so it has!!!!!!!!!

Better than "Gossip Girl", darlings!!!!!! See you at the beauty parlor!!!!!!!!!!!!!