Gather Round The Fireplace, Darlings, As I Tell This Story!!!!!!

Girls, one of the Christmas traditions in our family comes Christmas night with all of us gathered, when we remember an event that took place that night long ago. And this year, having been the 50th--a half century, darlings--anniversary of this event, I told it with the dramatic intensity of Meryl Streep; you better believe it!!!!!

Today, only three from that night are still alive--my father, my sister, and moi!!!! Here is what took place.

The year was 1960, and I had reached the tender age of 6. Even then, I ruled as a Princess, hons; when checking out my Christmas gifts, I took a listed inventory--and woe to all if that list was not completely covered!!!! My sister was home from college, we had had dinner, so we all piled into the family car to drive over to my paternal grandparents and Maiden Aunt in nearby North Brunswick.

My parents sat in front; in back were my maternal grandmother (Nana, who lived with us, and, honey, she was a hoot!), my sister, and my tender, innocent Princess Self!!!! We took the usual route, which even I could have driven by then, so often was it traveled. Just as we leveled off on Commercial Avenue, a car came driving toward us. Not speedily, just average. We were not far from the bus storage unit, across the street from which was a bar, and I am telling you, girls, this car was coming straight from the bar!!!!!! The headlights got incredibly bright, and all I can remember is my sister grabbing me, a blinding crash, and the next thing I knew I was being carried out of the car, a crowd had gathered along the sidewalk, my mother was holding me, and I began to cry. At some point, a woman standing next to my mother, who must was sympathetic to our plight, cooed, "Oh, let me take the baby!" Whereupon I had enough presence of mind to fire back, "I'm not a baby!!!" Bitch, even then, darlings; even in a moment of high crisis!!!! My Raving Queendom was unknowingly defined already!!!!!

The ambulance came, and someone put me in it. I do not recall who was with me.
I had some kind of fascination with ambulances, firehouses and trucks, accidents and disasters back then. I was SO precocious, darlings!!! So I asked if they would blow the siren, and they did. Darling, I wanted MY arrival to be announced!!!!!

We were taken to what was then Middlesex General Hospital, but today is the Robert Wood Johnson Medical Center. We were put in different partitions and examined. My mother did something to one of her ribs, and had a black eye. My father and sister were banged up. So was my grandmother, who also started vomiting. My sister, then studying to be a nurse, tried to have them keep Nana overnight for observation, due to her age and diabetes--no go!!!! I was treated for cuts and examined to see if anything was amiss. It wasn't, but I had some cut under my eye, because there was a slab of Mercurochrome just above my right cheek. I too went into emotional shock due to trauma, and began vomiting. In the midst of all this, my aunt Kathleen, whom we all called Katty, arrived (my father had called her), and we actually visited at our relatives, and then were driven home.

I blessedly fell asleep fast; no small feat for moi, even then. My sister kept checking on my grandmother, whose health she was concerned about.

The next morning was a corker. We were all having breakfast; I was staring at myself in the toaster mirror, because even then, darlings, I was concerned about my appearance!!! I mean, Lana Turner!!!! I remember stirring a peppermint candy cane from the tree into my hot chocolate, when the phone rang. A strange man's voice asked for my farther. It turned out to be one Charlie Collins, the guy who hit us, calling to apologize!!!! And maybe avoid a lawsuit, though what good would it have done us, he was not insured. Better years later to have sued Alice C. Santamarina for her homophobia!!!!! But she got hers--she is DEAD!!!! Heh! Heh! Heh!!!!!

And here I am, loves, a half century later, here to tell you about it, and damn proud of the fact. And what lesson was learnt???? Not to go anywhere without your make-up reticule, darlings, because you never know when you might need it!!!!

Which is certainly NO accident, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!