Darlings, I Suffer From Conditional Virginity!!!!!!!

Girls-- I HAVE A CONDITION!!!!!!!

That's right; and my condition is chronic, something fierce!!!! I keep telling him I have one, especially when he asks me to do something arduous, not befitting this Princess, darlings!!!! I finally told him, "I am a virgin!!!!" Whereupon he said, I suffer from "Conditional Virginity!"

But, loves, who among us doesn't???? For any of us to be successful at all these Girl things, like getting and keeping a man, we have to be pure and chaste, or at least be able to project the illusion thereof!!! And being able to do this is quite a condition!!!!!

It was like Doris Day. Each movie asked, "How long will it take Rock Hudson to get her to bed???" As it turned out, with what we know now, girls, it took a lot longer than the films would have us believe!!!! How long does it take to get me to bed???? Oh, darlings, with my condition and my aching back, and my cocos that needs massaging, with me it is just a hop, skip and jump to the boudoir!!!!!

Nevertheless, lambs, I am pure!!!! As pure as the snow now piling in drifts outside my window!!!! Help, darlings!!!!! At least the snow will keep away the evil lesbians. The roads are blocked, so no U-Haul trucks allowed!!!!!!

Let's face it, I am no tramp like those SATC sluts!!!! And at least I act MY age, which PROFESSIONALLY is 24!!!!!! My virtue remains eternal, even if technically I can no longer see unicorns!!!!! I want all my girls to stay fresh and clean; it is why the douchebag was invented, and I know none of MY girls are douchebags!!!!!

Embrace your virginity darlings, whether you are pure or not. As Blance Du Bois says illusion constitutes 50% of charm, so keep that charm rolling, girls!!!!!!!!!

As pure as the driven snow! That is me, loves!!!!!