Darlings, Thank God For Three Lives

Well, girls, I finished my Christmas shopping, which you would think means I could relax, but who are we kidding???? After running all over town--up and down, buying everything from a necktie to a bus ticket--Quelle Catastrophe!!!! Just when it looked as though I might be able to relax at Monsieur Davide's with a cup of tea, and finish my re-read of "The Razor's Edge," what should I discover but that the book was missing. Not on me, not in my bag--gone!!!!!

I am telling you, I went catatonic on the street for about a second. Then I walked back and forth furtively. Retracing my steps along the store route, I came up with nothing, when suddenly it dawned on me where the book was. When I had gone to Port Authority earlier in the day, to purchase the bus ticket to my sister's, I stopped near a huge plant to re-organize myself, and in the process put both my bag and the book along the rim of the plant pot. I snatched up the bag--but not the book, making that discovery only about two hours later. There was a point at which I considered going back up there; once I had left a book on the rim of an ATM at West 72nd Street, and it was still there!!!! I even felt "The Razor's Edge would still be where it had been left--but what if it was not. More important, did I want to expend all that effort going back uptown. Of course, the answer was "No!"

Then I recalled I was near Three Lives Bookstore, my home away from home, and maybe they would have a copy, so I could finish the last 30 pages. I got there, they had it, and tragedy was averted.

Cats have nine lives, but this store has hundreds. Real books for real people--Flaubert. Dickens. Dostoevsky. Lady Murasaki. And Jacqueline Sussann. After all, where would any of us be, if it weren't for Jacqueline Sussann. Where the Hell would I be?????? And of course the wonderful staff could not be more understanding.
Toby, the owner, who appears in several of Julia Glass' books may be one of the few people on Earth taller than the late Bea Arthur. Joyce could play any of Joan Allen's roles while solving cold cases in Philly with ease, while reading the entire oeuvre of Doris Lessing. And that Mauara--so cool, mysterious--is she the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, or Gene Tierney in "Laura?" No one can be sure, but she knows the book scene, darling!!!! While Amanda is poised on the brink of stardom; when at last they film "Special Topics In Calamity Physics," I am telling you, she will be cast as Blue. I wonder who will play her father??? Hopefully, not Barbara Hershey!!!!! The store even has a pretty seasonal ornament, named Chris, and I bet he kringles with the best!!!!! As for Carol, who can do everything from sell a book to analyze a film, to--the IMPOSSIBLE, darlings, but she DID it--finding me a suitable man, she is probably right now living it up, vacationing on a hydrogen atom!!!!!! Very venturesome, is Carol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These folks saved my sanity yesterday, and have done so on countless occasions over the years. So, don't be a pussy; they only have nine lives, after all!!!! Three Lives has hundreds, so get on down there and partake of those lives. Yes, girls, I am telling you to buy a goddamn BOOK!!!! MY girls will have no problem with this; the rest--it will do you good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at the Angles' Gate, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!