Yum, Yum, Youm, Cool Whip!!!!!!!!! Comes Whipped!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I simply do not know what is wrong with me. Here we are, down to the "Twelve Days Till Christmas" (like the song says in "She Loves Me"), and I should be in the kitchen, baking cookies and fruitcake, and fa-de-laa-ing, but all I can do is think about unhealthy ersatz food products!!!!! After Diamond Crystal yesterday, my mind went to Cool Whip!!!! I am telling you, darlings, there is no predicting where the mind of the Raving Queen will go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, Cool Whip sprung from the Bird's Eye company. Now, what is an outfit, famous for frozen veggies, doing venturing into synthetic whipped cream. And I AM talking synthetic, loves, because, if you substituted soap for sugar flavoring, you know what you would have??? You would have Crazy Foam--and don't get me started on THAT!!!!!!!

Cool Whip had a sweetness to it that so sickening, and a texture so unlike diary you were never quite sure what you were eating. I even had to work with the stuff nightly; back in 1992 I stage managed an Off Off (very OFF) Broadway production of Eric Overmyer's "On The Verge," which has the line in the play, "So this is Fanny's Cool Whip!" I had to buy a fresh tub each night, but even worse, the poor actors each night had to consume a piece of date nut bread, with the stuff spread on!!!! By the end of the two week run, all of us had had it with Cool Whip, and I am sure none of us to this day feels the same way about it again. And Overmeye goes on to produce "Law and Order," or such, but does he put ME on it??? Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!

This product was said to be "the first modern topping with that good-old-fashioned taste!" Honey, it tasted like crap, and it still does!!!!!! Good old fashioned, indeed!!!!!!!!! Those advertisers ought to have been Cool Whipped, or maybe pistol whipped, at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a way, darlings, this does come back to the Holidays, which focuses on what we do in our kitchens. And I am telling you, if your concoctions require whipped cream, you use the real thing, not Cool Whip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because if you do, I will whip you bitches into shape, you hear me?????????????