Darlings, This Is The Most Beautiful Sight I Have Seen All Spring!!!!!!!!!

Forget the Easter Parade, honey; that scene has crashed and burned!!! Now that Spring is truly starting to show its presence, the time has come to take note of some more ongoing examples of beauty. One of these I disocvered last night, while enroute to Monsieur's place. And I saw them again this morning.

The flowers--the red and yellow tulips in Anbingdon Square Park--are breathtaking, for the orange glow they give, especially enhanced by declining or rising sunlight. I have yet to see them midday, but I have no doubt they hold their own then.

There are many signs of Spring all over the place, and every one of my girls is sure to have a favorite. But these tulips are just so eye catching, situated as they are in the park, that they get my vote. The photo of them is nice, but seeing them live truly does them justice.

Sweeties, as they said on the "Price Is Right," "Come on down!"

O.K., O.K., Let's Talk About The Royal Wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try as we might, there is just no getting around this topic today, girls. But, as the Raving Queen, it is fair to say that I will throw a different perspective onto things.

Forget the fact that I was not invited. I am over that. It would not have mattered, anyway, because to those of a Certain Age; ie; those of us who recall the wedding of Charles and Diana, nothing can compare to that. We all wanted to be Diana, on that day, darlings, because that gown she wore is one I would still kill for. Not that we were particularly envious of having to marry Prince Charles. But I will say this for Charles--they glammed him up enough to look presentable, in his blue uniform and sword, and with his ears probably held back by bobby pins or something, so he didn't look as though he and Eliot Spitzer were separated at birth!!!!!!

Next to this, Will and Kate's affair seems pretty tame, with them coming off simply as a couple of cute kids who decided to tie the knot. They just don't exude the sense of Royalty that Charles and Di did. Not that I do not wish them the best; I do. But the image is not so striking.

No wonder Daniel Radcliffe, America's foremost Britisher, thanks to Harry Potter, and now appearing on Broadway in 'How To Succeed', said UK'ers were more excited about their four day weekend than the ceremony itself!!! Hey, I could use a four day weekend! Or even a seven day one!!!!!! Will and Kate may be cute, but so are those fun loving friends of Monsieur, Alvin and Lorraine!!!!! What a pair they make, honey!!!!!!!!!

And while we are on the subjects of weddings, how about MINE???????? I can tell you this much--a date has not been SET, but, in this era of what they call "Destination Weddings," there is only ONE destination for yours truly--the Pierre in New York!!!!!! And the gown will be by Vera Wang!!!!!!!!!

All of which will be reported on when it happens. Meanwhile, the day has been acknowledged, so have a pint of ale, some bangers and mash, or however else you care to celebrate this ceremonious occasion.

Darlings, the DVD of "My Fair Lady" is good enough for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, There Is A Lot Coming Up, And I Am Going To Need Your Help!!!!!!!

Girls, I am telling you, my life does not slow down; it speeds up. You would think I was Anna Wintour. And I don't know how Anna does it, running a fashion empire, yet always on the tennis court for her morning game at 6:45!!!!!!! At that hour of the morning, I am frantically hoping for the miracle that will enable me to crawl out of bed!!!!!!!

So much going on, lately. Saturday, Monsieur and I are headed to dinner and a show in Newark, NJ. Now, I have friends out there, but it takes a lot to get me to theater there. Well, at NJ PAC, they are doing--"A Chorus Line," which is always my show of choice, no matter where it is performed. In fact, this will be the first production I see NOT directly on the Broadway stage. Then we have to dash back to the city and head up to Tarrytown next day, for an art show and visit with some cousins. As if that weren't enough, Sunday is May 1, and while we will not be able to dance around a May Pole, we will have to play, from "Camelot", Julie Andrews' definitive rendition of "The Lusty Month Of May."

But the following Sunday, the 8th, Monsieur and I have an Anniversary approaching. One year of sheer delight. I just cannot decide how to celebrate it. So I am asking all my girls--if you have any suggestions for what should be done, send those suggestions forth. I can't make this a contest, so there is no prize, but if acted upon, I will certainly report back here.

Traditionally, the first anniversary is Paper, so I am thinking theater tkts!!!!! After the raves for last night's opening of "The Normal Heart" there is so much theater to see I could go broke seeing it, not to mention I would need vacation time, along with money, to see it all. This has not happened in a while, lambs.

Of course, there is also the Royal Wedding. But since no one invited me--tough!!!!!! Let's just hope the Queen does not rub out Kate like I still say she rubbed out Lady Di. I bet she was driving that car!!!!!!!

And on the day after, Saturday, my father, who, among other things, sat through the movie "Woodstock," with me, back in 1970, reaches the grand old age of 96!!!!!!!!! I think he has more get up and go than I do!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not even thinking about making 96, darlings!!!!!!! I just want to make it through this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Looking Bitch??????? Or Lindsay's Next Roomie?????????

Poor Nicolas Cage! His Coppola connections get him into films, but the guy just can't seem to maintain a career. Personally, I never understoood the appeal, except when he played Ronny in "Moonstruck." That hangdog look may have worked when he was young, and especially when supported by a near perfect encsemble cast, in a near perfect film, which he did not have to carry. The point being, this was the ONLY film I could stand Nicolas Cage.

Then there was "Leaving Las Vegas." I could not wait to leave the theater after viewing that one. Poor Elisabeth Shue, who was on a career high then, but who I last saw playing the quasi butch sherrif in the hilarious "Piranha 3-D!" So sophisticated, darlings! In 'Las Vegas" both Cage and Shue decide to drink themselves to death. Fine. But why do we have to watch this? No supspense; we know the outcome. And how this film became so highly acclaimed at the time is one of those pull-the-wool-over feats, like the Emperor's New Clothes.

But this is nothing compared to what Nicolas Cage faces now. For starters, he has been named this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week! The reason for this honor is more than a shoddy career.

Mr. Cage faces not only domestic violence charges against his wife, but also child abuse charges, against his five year old son, Kal-El. It seems there was some kind of fall or push involving the youngster that resulted in a leg abrasion, and Child Services are taking this seriously.

But let me say something first, outright. What kind of parent names their boy child, Kal-El??? For those who don't know, and MY girls certainly do, that was the name of the child who grew up to be Superman. Born on Krypton, he was the child of Jor-El and his wife, Lara (no, darlings, not Julie Chrisite; THAT Lara is in "Doctor Zhivago"!!!!), who was sent to Earth when the planet exploded. But to give this name to a child??????? This is like back when I was young, innocent, and inexpereinced, where I claimed I was going to have eight children, and, with my love of Dickens, would name them things like Steerforth and Traddles. Thank God that did not turn out; those kids would have killed me!!!!!!!! Young Kal-El might do the same to Daddy, if Daddy doesn't self destruct first.

Child abuse is no laughting matter, and if Mr. Cage thinks being Bitch Of The Week is hilarious, he will not think such if he goes to prison, where inmates tend to look down their noses at pedophiles or child abusers. He may just go from Bitch Of The Week to Someone's Bitch in the hoosegow!!!!!!!!!

And with his substance and financial problems, he looks good for a stint in rehab, with the Rehab Princess, Miss Lindsay Lohan!!!!! Nevertheless, Mr. Cage is our Bitch Of The Week! I can only hope this child abuses him back, by biting him on his finger!!!!!!!!!

How do you like that, Ncki????????????????????????????????

Girls, It's A Long Way From 'Rebecca' To Dickens!!!!!!!!!!

No, darlings, I am not talking about "Rebecca," by Daphne Du Maurier, which, frankly, I prefer. ("Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderly again......" And that Mrs. Danvers! What a piece of work!!!!!) I am talking about "Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm," by Kate Douglas Wiggin, which just happens to be one few children's classics I could not stomach. I don't think I got past the first chapter. It certainly did not do it for me. Maybe it was just too much of its time. Is it even in print anymmore? It certainly doesn't hold up, the way other classics of its era have, like "The Secret Garden" or "A Little Princess."

My, I seem to be on a book roll!!!!!! Does that mean my social/love life is going down the tubes??? Not for a minute, loves!!!!!!!! But maybe having read such a bad book, which you can read about in the post before this, made me turn towards books that had an impact on me.

When I was a child, the big draw was series books. Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, The Bobbsey Twins, Honey Bunch and Norman (whom I just LOVED!!!!) and Doctor Dolittle. I read them all. And let me first say, that Nancy Drew showed me the way!!!! We all wanted to be her, girls, what with her roadster, her smart style of dress, (gloves with luncheon!!!!!), her chums Bess and George (Uh-huh!!!!) and, of course, her lawyer father, always referred to therein as "handsome Carson Drew." What a warm feeling I used to get from those words!!!!! I should have guessed!!!!!!!!

But back in the fourth grade, with that Norma Brodsky, there was a series that took up one whole shelf in the Irving School Library. It was called the Childhood Of Famous Americans series, and had titles like "Molly Pitcher--Girl Patriot," or "Daniel Boone--Boy Hunter." My favorite turned out to be "Kate Douglas Wiggin--The Little Shcoolteacher," because there were lots of literary references in it. Chief among these, it described how Kate and her mother would, each evening, read from Dickens aloud. And usually it was "David Copperfield." That title was mentioned so often, I decided that when I was done, I would have to read it.

Now, at the time my Dickens knowledge was limited to yearly viewings of "A Christmas Carol," starring, respectively, Alastair Sim, and, my favoirte, Mister Magoo. I did not know "David Copperfield" from "Martin Chuzzlewit." So, the following week, when I pulled the book off the shelf to check it out, Norma Brodsky really got into it with me, saying it was too advanced, I was too young, etc. I argued maybe I was, but why not let me try????? It wasn't like I was asking to read porn. So she capitulated, begrudgingly. And my journey into Dickens began.

It was rough going, but I got the basics. I hated the Murdstones, and how they treated David and his mother, and I absolutely adored Dora and her dog, Jip. And it was more satisfying than much of the stuff suited for my so-called age.

One evening, my father came home from work, saying he had read in the paper (the Newark Evening News, which he would buy for his NYC commute by train) that Channel 13 (WNET) was going to have actress Geraldine Fitzgerald, from five to six each afternoon, reading aloud a chapter of "David Copperfield", until the entire book was finished. I was thrilled. I sat down each day with my copy, and read along with Geraldine. Occasionally, the camera would pan over the pages, showing the original Phiz illustrations. I was a confirmed Dickensian from that point, still am, though, amazingly, one of his better known books I have yet to read--"A Tale Of Two Cities."

So nerts to you, Norma Brodsky, and thank you, Geraldine Fitzgerald!!!!!!!!!

Just think if, back then, I had wanted to read "The Group"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Am I Being Too High Minded????????????

"My mother.....she's........not quite herself today."
----Norman Bates in "Psycho"

Girls, I never considered myself some kind of flagrant moralist, but, after reading Josh Kilmer- Purcell's memoir, "I Am Not Myself These Days" I have to wonder if age has tempered me, or even if during the age such things would have repulsed me.

I have to say it is most likely the latter, because I can recall being at parties where people were doing all kinds of recreational drugs, and not being the least bit interested in either the substances or the people doing them. Few things could top the night I was approached in a gay bar by this really butch type, we went back to his place, and while I got comfortable, so did he. Except his being comfortable made me NOT; in he walks in a white, practically exposed tightie nightie, wrapped in a peignoir, offering to be my "Lady for the Evening." Really, I thought? So being open minded I decided to play along. But when he presented a silver case, opened it and said, "Oh, by the way, would you mind if I did some cocaine?" I scooped up myself up so fast, slammed the door without looking back, worried that one of the neighbors on the floor would see me dressing in the hallway, only realizing later that with this guy it was probably a regular occurence.

The point is, I can look back on this and find it funny. The experiences Josh chooses to look back on he WANTS to be funny, and he wants the reader to think them funny. But I could find nothing funny in destroying your body with liquor and laxatives, a la Karen Carpenter, to keep a tranny figure; I could not find the disintegration of a bad seven month relationship get even worse, thanks to crack addiction, and his efforts years later to track down this fellow he was involved with come off at best as pathetic, at the worst as insanae.

What is he trying to do? I kept asking. I was never sure. He chronicles the club and tranny scenes with accuracy, though a general lack of humor. He describes in almost too graphic detail the preparations needed to transform himself into his tranny persona, Aquadisiac!!!!! But the last words in his book is like a stern moral lecture to young gays about how at some point the parties end, and, as he says, "the show can't go on."

Make up your mind, Josh!!!!!!!! Because I found your book, while a quick read, dispiriting. If I were a young gay kid in a suburban town, reading this, I think it would scare me so much I would not go anywhere. Which could result in other kinds of trouble.

But that's me. One critic actually compared the book's wit to Noel Coward, which I for one cannot see. He lacks the insight of Augusten Burroghs, the sophisticated fun of Lauren Weisberger, and the narrative drive of Candace Bushnell. If you are gay or questioning, hoping to find answers, you won't. If you are straight and think the lifestyle in general crazy, your worst fears will be confirmed.

Personally, I think the gay rights movement was ahead of itself with the Lucky Charms leprechaun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So save yourself the trouble, girls!!!!! Don't read this!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We Cannot Wait To See THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I am telling you, you have to give the "Law And Order" makers credit. Because, along with everyone else, they are going to take on "Spider Man-Turn Off The Dark."

It seems the "Criminal Intent" division of L and O, entering its tenth, and they say final, season, is going to do an episode based on this. Now, first, let me say, I will be sorry to see this show go. I love Kathryn Erbe's toughness, but likability, and I will miss each week monitoring Vincent D'Onofrio's weight. I can still recall that indie film he made several years back, "Staten Island," where he does a protest sitting in a tree house; at no time is it explained how he got up there for the shoot, and down once it was completed, but I am certainly willing to bet it was not under his own power!!!!!!!! Even so, Vinnie is kinda cute, and we will miss him.

But the season will be capped off by an episode concerning a troubled Broadway musical, entitled "Icarus". It seems one of the actors doing a stunt is killed, and foul play is suspected. Chief among the suspects is this high strung egocentric director, based on guess who, Miss Taymor? If they really want to get it right, make sure the actor/actress playing this role can cry on cue, which is what I hear Miss T pretty much does in order to get what she wants. Well, like the song says, who's sorry now????

This is going to be something, and I think they should camp it up all the way! The director should be played by Sylvia Miles, who I am sure would jump at the chance. There is also going to be a (gasp!!!!!) bisexual rock star composer (is there any other, loves???) and some kind of twist I am sure.

As one who actually saw the source show in question, let me say they are certainly making the most of beating an already dead horse. Whatever happens ultimately to the show--and I think they should pack it in right now!--it will help grind the publicity mill, carving out a spot in the history books as the most previewed, never opened, costly and least innovative flop in Broadway history.

I think the perp should turn out to be a frustrated theater queen (again, is there any other?) And guess who would just LOVE a crack at this role, darlings?????????? I could walk through it with my eyes closed. Maybe do a little "Les Miz" or "Anything Goes" on cue, to liven things up.

It looks like "Criminal Intent" is going to be livened up by these Spidey-based shenanigans!!!!!! Don't miss it, loves!!!!!!!!! The episode, I mean; the show you can forget!!!!!!!!!!!

Will Liza turn up???????? As Dorothy Parker said, "I wouldn't be at all surprised!!!!!!"

Girls, Why Does This Building Haunt My Dreams??????????

"I need a DOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEED A DOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!"
----Neely 0'Hara in "Valley Of The Dolls"

Darlings, I am telling you, we have all had days when we felt like this, but for me it cuts a little closer. No, lambs, I am not drugged out in some institution, but I faced a situation five years ago that made me wonder if I would be.

The situation was a crazy tenant living above me. One night, back in January of 2006, I was wakened out of a sound sleep, to hear music so loud I thought there was a party in my living room. There might as well have been. The tenant upstairs, was having a blast--whether alone or with guests I never found out--but her speakers were on the floor, going full blast, so much so, the chochkas on my bookshelf were shaking to the point I thought they would fall off.

What did I know? I called the super, who intervened, and put a stop to that. That night. But at least once a week it happened again. Till I was so rattled by sound I never knew if I would sleep that night or not. But finally two things happened that helped.

The first was Valentine's Day, when the scales tipped in my favor. I happened to be off that day, and when I got home, I found, on a bookshelf, a pair of men's glasses that were certainly not mine. Had I been robbed? It didn't look like it. Once again, I phoned the super, who said they were his, and he would explain. When he arrived, he pointed to my living room ceiling, which was completely damaged. Not broken through, but cracked and peeled all over. It seems the nutso above me had left her dishwasher running, and water had seeped down through three floors. What happened to get the ceiling fixed is another story. When I discovered the damage, I was furious, and told the super about the noise. He ran upstairs, banged on the door, and suddenly I hear him yelllng "You fuckin' bitch!" Clearly, he is reading her the riot act. Within a few days, she was thrown out, and peace was regained.

But not before stress forced a visit to my doctor. He had put me on Paxil, an anti-depressant, about two years before; now he had me on Klonopin, for anxiety. Not only that; at night, as perscribed, it helps me to sleep, as I have had issues about getting to sleep since I was beyond the cradle. But one interesting side effect for me is that it induces vivid and very strange dreasm.

Which brings me to the photo. That happens to be Lafayette School in Highland Park, New Jersey. Now, for me to dream about my home town is not unusual, but why a location not directly associated with me. I knew kids who had gone there; in fact, even my own mother had, but, aside from seeing it from the outside, I had never so much as set foot in. And yet this Gothic looking building looms in my dreams.

Girls, I figured it out. The design, the shape of the building, matches the abandoned school in the opening scene of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis classic "Prom Night." First seen through a mirror lens, the school is the site of young Robin Hammond's death, the single act that proples the killer to committ the gruesome prom murders six years later. And I am telling you, Wendy was asking for it!!!!!!!!!

Does my dream(s) of Lafayette qualify as a nightmare? Not really; just a reminder of how the past seeps into our consciousness in ways we sometimes do not realize.

The building still stands today, and is now condominium apartments. One of my former classmates lived there for awhile. It must have been strange--a living space that had once been a classsroom in a school atteneded when you were a child. (This classmate had gone to Lafayette when younger.)

I wonder what Rod Serling would have made of all this? And at least Freddy Krueger has not invaded my klonopin induced dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nightie night, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Some Would Consider THIS A Role Model!!!!!!!!!!

Personally, girls, my favoirte "Golden Girl" was always Rue McClanahan as Blanche. Let's face it, she had the best outfits, and, according to her, the most men. No wonder gay men love her; talk to any gay man, especially in New York, and you will find that THEY, and only THEY get the most action. To which I can only say,
"Yeah, right!"

Blanche was also great, thanks to Rue's brilliance as a comic actress. But Betty White was no slouch, either, and herein lies the topic. Some would pick Rose as their favorite, especially with her combination of sweetness, laced with an occasional side zinger she would toss out, in the tradition of her earlier, Emmy-winning incarantion, Sue Ann Nevins, the Happy Homemaker on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

Now, Monsieur and I see eye to eye on much, and believe me, nothing is more relaxing before bedtime than a rerun of "The Golden Girls." Especially if it is Bea and Estelle doing "I Got You, Babe." Anyway, over the weekend, there we were, coloring Easter eggs, and as always, the kit came with a "magic pen," which could be used to write or decorate the eggs anyway one chose. Well, while removing one of the eggs from the dye--a perfectly shaded blue--I spotted on one side, the word "Evil" and on the other "Betty White Is". Which has always been an ongoing thing with us. Betty White may not be Rose, but she is NOT evil. She has NOT killed off her other cast memebers, nor is she trying to do the same to the now diabetic Mary Tyler Moore!!!!!!!

Betty White has simply emerged as a "late bloomer," succeeding at a point when most in the biz are hanging it up. I can remember growing up, when her only distinction seemed to be being the wife of game host Allen Ludden, with guest appearances on his "Password." And theirs was one of the more successful show biz marriages, and since Betty never remarried, it says a lot. Favorably, I mean.

If you want Evil, girls, there is Martha Stewart. A convicted felon, whose own mother was afraid of her, whose daughter penned a "Mommie, Dearest" type book about her, and whose tight, clipped, almost too controlled manner, belies a raging temperament. Come on, Martha!!!! We know you are not a natural blonde, and that you hail from Nutley, New Jersey! You don't have us fooled for a second!!!!!!!!

So, Monsieur, there is no need to beleague poor Betty White. She is America's Sweetheart, and she has earned it. Short of Kirstie Alley, I can't think of anyone who has reinvented themselves so skillfully. And takes up less room on camera!!!!!!!!!

Betty White is NOT evil. She may not be MY favorite "Golden Girl," but she is someone else's!!!!!!!!!!!

But you are all MY favoirte girls, Golden or otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, It Was A Joyous Easter!!!!! But What Ever Happened To Mary Magdalene??? And Why Can't We Sing "If I Can't Have You"????

Girls, Easter was a joyous occasion. The eggs were colored, and, for the first time in years, the Easter bunny paid a visit, in the guise of Monsieur, who gave me the most beautiful "Wizard Of Oz" music box as a gift. We even found the perfect spot for it.

And I know I have been throwing religious imagery at you all week, so here is a cheery, secular picture to depict the day!!!!!!!!!!!

But I do have one caveat with the day. What about Mary Magdalene???? On those long ago Easter Sundays, at St. Paul's, in Highland Park, and for every Easter since, save for the evening Dignity Services, the Gospel for that day always starts out with "Mary Magdalene carrying spices to the tomb, to anoint the body of Jesus." I just hope she was not carrying cayenne pepper, or else the Resurrection might have happened sooner!!!!! But Easter and the Magdalene became inextricably linked for me. Then Yvonne Elliman came along in the 70's, and solidified that.

So I show up for service last eve, Monsieur in tow. I get to see thew whole service from the choir loft, as I am up there singing. We get to the Gospel, and what do I hear???? Not a WORD about Mary Magdalene!!!!! Something about Jesus walking among the Disciples, and they did not know it. Then, for the Sermon, the priest references the "Twilight Zone" episode, where Gladys Cooper meets up with Robert Redford, who turns out to be Death!!!!!! I mean, come on!!!!!!

Those of us who grew up with the popular notion of Mary Magdalene as a hooker (confirmed on film by Carol Baker in a red mini sarong in "The Greatest Story Ever Told") looked to her for hope. If SHE could become a saint, there was hope for many of us!!!!!! With all the talk about changing roles of women in the Church, don't take our Mary Magdalene away. She may not have been a hooker, but she was important to some of us!!!!!!

And, of course, once "Jesus Christ Superstar" came along, and Yvonne Elliman sank her vocal cords into "I Don't Know How To Love Him," Mary Magdalene's importance was sealed. So when the disco era dawned, and Elliman made "If I Can't Have You" a hit, it was like being sung to by Mary Mag. Which is why I think it should be the Communion hymn. Especially at Dignity, a service for gay and Lesbian Catholics!!!! Ya think??????

But let's not quibble, darlings. The day was lovely, the music box gorgeous, (it has little Lullaby League Munchkin figures in front that dance!!!!!) and, no it would not be Easter without "The Song Of Bernadette." So we watched just the first twenty minutes--up through the first Vision. Still as stunning as ever, loves!!!!

So that was Easter 2011. All that was lacking was the Bunny Hop. Hope Peter Cottontail was good to all my girls out there!!!!!!!!!

But go easy on the chocolate, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Haven't Got Time For The Pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you, lambs, with all the highbrow fiction reading I do--even rereading Philip Roth, for God's sake!!!!--I hit an impasse every now and then where I just need something FUN to cleanse my mental palette. Like one of Lauren Weisberger's books. Or Candace Bushnell. Or a nice relaxing serial killer story.

There was this book staring at me from supermarket racks for months now, called "The Bride Collector" by Ted Dekker. I picked it up, one day in line, and discovered it had a serial killer, and was loaded with praise by those who seemed to know the genre. So when I found myself yearning for fun, I thought of this book, went out, and bought it.

Now, if any of you have ANY intention of reading this book, don't go any further. Come to think of it, maybe you should, because my purpose in writing this is to save so many of my girls the trouble of reading what turned out to be an unsatisfying story.

"The Bride Collector" starts out with a gripping premise. Women are being bumped off in an unusual way. They are abducted, drugged, then grilled into through the soles of each foot, to have bodily fluids drain. I know, darlings, not too pretty, but we are not talking high fashion, here. The killer then strings them up, Christ like and nude, wearing nothing but a bridal veil over their faces. Hence his nickname.

I entertained the notion of the killer being a woman for about a second. But two much evidence piles on enough to indicate a male, like many serial killers. I was dying to find out not only who he was, but why? What made him into a serial killer?
And why this particular gimmick?

Alas, Dekker never bothers to give us these essentials, making the book dull and repetitious. It also makes fools of the police and FBI, for the ones who turn out to solve the case are a group of patients at a mental hospital. Before you can say, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," they are on the road, and catching the killer themselves. Who turns out to be a former therapist who worked at their institution.

And his issue? He came on to Paradise (yes that is her name!!!!!!!!), one of the female patients there, and she slapped him. There is also a sentence about him being from an abusive family.

Paradise smacked his face when he tried to jump her. Poor baby!!!!! Go home and read Playboy, or watch "Fatal Attraction." But to become a serial killer over THIS!!!!!!! I just don't buy it. And what kind of abuse? If every person from issue filled families were serial killers, people would be out there killing everyone in sight. I might not even be alive right now, writing this.

Does Dekker bother to elaborate on any of this????? No!!!!!!!!!!!
According to his bio, he has written about twenty books, many in this vein. His follow up to this has a great title--"The Priest's Graveyard." But after reading "The Bride Collector," I am not even going to bother, and don't you, now!!!!!! Dekker may be prolific, but he is a hack!

Unlike Richard Molinari (sp?) whose "The Rosary Girls," and especially "Merciless" cannot be beat. The latter cries out to be filmed. If you want satisfaction, try him. Dekker will only frustrate.

The same way a bad manicure will, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Mackerel! It's Holy Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must apologize to my girls, for missing you on Good Friday, but there was so much happening, between running errands and paying bills, reconnecting with one of the gems of my past, and--would you believe it?--getting my hair done!!!!--that it just wasn't possible for me to get here yesterday, so here I am now.

Yesterday, of course, was the unforgettable day, depicted in "The Greatest Story Ever Told," when John Wayne as the Centurion said, "Ca-learly, this man wuz the Son a' God." As only John Wayne could. One hopes that the REAL Centurion at the foot of the Cross was a bit more loquacious.

Back in the day, darlings, this used to be a big MOVIE night on TV. Starting at 11:30 Channels 2 and 7 would have Dueling Easter Films--CBS would broadcast the Judy Garland-Fred Astaire classic, "Easter Paarade," while ABC would air "The Song Of Bernadette." If you've been on here long enough, you know which one I watched, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Alas, those days are gone. Holy Saturday just isn't the same. But, wait, there is hope on the horizon. In response to my PAAS post, and in honor of my childhood gem, Margaret, Monsieur and I are crashing at my place tonight, while we color Easter eggs to the sounds of "The Ten Commandments," coming from the TV set, which ABC is showing, starting at 7PM tonight. I sat through it a few years ago, and I have to say even on a small screen, the color and the visual spectacle hold up. Though of course nothing would be better than the big screen. But on a recent viewing, I had to admit, the most spectacular thing in the film, aside from the parting of the Red Sea, was John Derek's chest as Joshua. This was years before he met Bo, when he looked REAL good. By the time he met Bo, SHE was the one looking good, and you didn't have to be straight to notice that one, darlings. But we will peek at John at his peak tonight. Stay tuned for what becomes of a dozen Easter eggs!!!!!!!

And then tomorrow we have Easter. I am still pushing for "If I Can't Have You" as this year's Communion Hymn, so we shall see!!!!!!!!

Have a great Saturday, girls, and even better Easter Sunday, and try to watch the famous Bugs Bunny cartoon, where he goes, "Here's the Easter Rabbit, hooray! Happy Easter Rabbit, hooray!!!!!!!!"

Happy Easter to Everyone, darlings!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, It Just Goes To Show There Is No Shortage Of Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just like always, loves, I awoke this morning, knowing I had to--even on Maundy Thursday--choose a Bitch Of The Week. I was feeling pretty good, after learning that Dahrun Ravi faced 15 indictment counts in the Tyler Clementi tragedy. It gave me an affirmative feeling. Then I found out the following, which made me wonder, "What is next?"

The winners of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award I dub the Sinister Six, inspired by, though not nearly as clever or classy as, the Marvel Comics villains. And they set a precedent, for while there have been pairs, even a quartet, as in the Shanda Sharer case, the bitch count has never gone as high as six.

The winners, the Sinister Six, comprise five men and a girl. They are--Amber Wright, 15; Kyle Hooper, 16; Michael Bargo, 18; Charlie Ely, 18; and Justin Soto, 20. Add to them James Havens, 37, whose part shall be explained.

Girls, this is almost the male counterpart of the Sharer case. A fifteen year old by, Saeth Jackson, for reasons yet unknown, other than one of the perps, Michael Bargo, verbalized hatred towards him, was lured to Ely's home by Wright (his ex-girlfriend) and Hooper last Sunday Eve. Once there, Soto and Hooper hit Jackson on the head with wooden objects. Bargo shot Jackson several times, then the body was taken to an already burning fire, part of the plan, and burned. Then Havens, who turns out to be Wright and Hooper's step dad, helped them dispose of the body.

Other than hatred verbalized by Bargo, the motive for the attack is not clear. You can say all you want about small group dynamics and the adolescent/youth urge to conform, but for each to go along with such a bizarre scheme indicates something. Were they bound together, as some clique, with Bargo exerting control over them, just as Melinda Lovelsess did over her cronies in the Sharer case? Or was it something deeper, a manifestation of each's individual evil, and that evil just happening to coalesce at the unfortunate right time?

These pollutions of Life must be brought to justice, tried, and incarcerated. It will be interesting to see what follows, and the outcome. I ask, in the wake of Tyler Clementi, how much more can we stand? Perhaps Saeth is with Tyler, Phoebe Prince, and all the others, looking down, asking the same thing. Ashamed of them all!!!!!!!!!!

The Sinister Six face bigger distinctions than being named Bitch Of The Week. But it is a start! May they get the justice they deserve!!!!!!!!

Roast their marshmallows, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice, huh????????

Laudy, Laudy, It's Maundy Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, we have made it to Maundy Thursday, which always makes me want to sing the theme song of "Maude." Nevertheless, I looked the word up, and it has to do with "commandments," and "the ceremonial washing of the Apsostles' feet by Jesus." This took place on the eve of the Last Supper, which, according to my father, was when Jesus said, "Everyone get behind the table, for the picture."

The moral here, darlings, is to go out and get yourselves a nice pedicure. Paint those toes!!!!! I favor boy crush blush, myself, but whatever suits your fancy. At least your feet will be cleaner then those Apostles, plus no ingrown toenails!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, the day is better known as Holy Thursday, and how I remember that. All during my childhood and teen years, my father and I, after dinner, would go to evening services at St. Paul's Church, in Highland Park, New Jersey. This was very ceremonial, and long, with the priest wearing one of those high hats, followed by his acolytes, marching through the church, carrying a huge scepter, and a lantern filled with burning incense. I dreaded this, because as they passed the row, the lantern would be shaken, and puffs of incense, like smoke, wafted into the air. The scent was so cloying it made me gag!!!!!! It turned me off incense, for life. Even during Yoga classes!!!!!!!!!

But no one SAYS you HAVE to celebrate this way. I never understood why we did, except my father happened to be a particularly devout Catholic. But Catholics or not, there is no excuse for bad foot care!!!!!!!! Let this day be your guide for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Foot fetishists must be freaked, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Our Top Story Of The Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, darlings, this story broke yesterday, and, considering its concern is an ultimate act of spying, how ironically apropos for Spy Wednesday!!!!!!!

Tyler Clementi is in the news again. Only the spin this time is a bit more positive.

Yesterday, his ex-roommate, Dahrun Ravi, was handed a 15 count indictment, being prosecuted not just for privacy invasion but also--YES!!!-- a hate crime!!!!!!

Can you believe it, loves????? I honestly thought they would not have the courage to hand this out. It just shows how Clementi's untimely, unnecessary demise, reached out and touched so many people.

Additionally, he is charged with witness tampering, trying to cover up evidence, and intimidation due to sexual orientation. The Middlesex County prosecutor, Bruce Kaplan, stated that it was found the trouble began as soon as Ravi learned the name of his roommate.

Which goes back to a month before Clementi's death, when Ravi messaged to all his cronies, "Just found out my roommate is gay," granted a blanket statement, but placed in context, having negative connotations, granting Ravi the idea he could intimidate Tyler through his sexual orientation.

Well, Mr. Ravi, what do you think of yourself now????? And how do you think others will?????? Read my lips--actions have consequences!!!! Forget Rutgers, honey; the education you are about to get will be more enlightening.

Joseph and Jane Clementi, Tyler's parents, delivered their strongest statement yet, citing Ravi's actions against their son as "cold and calculated." They also hope the outcome will result in more social acceptance, to avoid future tragedies like this. Amen to that!!!!!!!

I want to thank all my girls for standing by Tyler and moi. From the first day, The Raving Queen was compelled to go to this very dark place, marching, protesting, and voicing concern. In no way, lambs, am I taking credit for these results, but it is refreshing and affirming they were handed down.

What it does not do is solve the mystery of Tyler's death, or, rather, his decision. From indications yesterday, Tyler Clementi was out to his parents, meaning he confronted these issues with his family before Rutgers. Brave boy, Tyler. How many of us could say the same??? Not me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!

So the family was supportive. Then why do it? I would still like to know his health history--was he on or off meds that may have pushed him psychotronically to this tragic end? Those final 15 hours, between trying to do something about the situation, and jumping off the bridge, are still an open window.

Or perhaps the reason is simpler. However out he may have been, he certainly would not want to share his sexual actions with his parents. Think about it--parents getting embarrassed by their small children walking in on them; the same sort of thing here. I am sure both Tyler and the Clementis knew if he was gay, he would be sexually active. They may even have discussed the importance of safe sex practices. But Tyler, naturally enough, did not want to be seen this way, nor I am sure would his parents. Ravi took away that freedom from Tyler, which may have been enough to get him to that tragic point.

We may never know. Or we may be able to deduce, as new things come to the fore. They have already, since this started.

And what of Rutgers University? Tyler did try to take action, I believe he wanted a new roommate. He was in a bind; only on campus three weeks, and rather shy, he very likely had no one with whom he could crash before this blew over, which might have made a difference. The school did not act fast enough, and Tyler was pushed to the brink.

I am so happy about this outcome, as it sends a message loud and clear--that actions such as this are intolerable an inexcusable. But I cannot help feeling that what would make me happier now would have been never to have heard of Tyler Clementi.
Because then he would still be out there, living his life!!!!!

And that's the way it IS, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What A Treat "Branded" Was, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was some night, girls! Monsieur and I went to a Passover Seder at the Actors Temple--my very first; after 29 years of living in Highland Park, New Jersey, you would think, "It's about time!"--which was both delicious and interesting. It was also lengthy; the Catholics don't drag things out this long, let me tell you.

So when we got home, there was a special treat. A double dose of 'SVU'. One of these was the episode, entitled "Branded," which I had seen before, but Monsieur slept through. As soon as the opening scene began, I told him, "It's the one with Camille!" You have GOT to see this!"

"Branded" takes its cue from "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo." Two men are attacked at home, drugged unconscious, and sexually assaulted by having things inserted up their......back ends!!!!!!! And these are straight men; the kind who would stick out their tongue, or worse, when walking past a gay bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One attack is bad enough. But when a second happens, everyone assumes a connection, which the men deny. Till Finn tracks them down, finds not only do they know each other, but they are keeping a secret. Knowing that the sleaziest of them, Alex Gammon, is next they stage an attack, where Elliot is the decoy, catching in the act a young girl named Camille Walters, who works for a delivery outlet, and has computer skills to be believed!!!!!!!!!!!

Camille is played to a fare thee well by Bess Rous, who had me cheering for her the minute I heard what happened. It seems she and all the men "knew" each other when they were at summer camp. Camille was a camper, and Alex Gammon (Jason Wiles), Bill Dixon (Michael Gaddis) and Victor Ramos (Kevin Alejandro) were counselors or workers, who knew each other. That July 4, they lured 14 year old Camille into the woods and gang raped her. Alex's Daddy was rich, so he was SO sure of himself, calling her "a little nobody," because of her checkered past--a schizoid father in Bellevue and a series of stints in foster homes. Victor didn't want to rape, but the others made him; you know, the old "If you don't, you are not a man" crap. Yeah, right!!!!!!!

What turns things around is when Camille reveals the rape got her pregnant, and produced a daughter, whom she gave up. When she heard a child laughing on the street, it triggered these memories, and she went after her tormentors--branding Bill "Ruiner," Victor "Traitor," and saying she would have carved "Hell" on Alex, and sent him there. Too bad she did not.

This episode also introduces Melissa Sagemiller as ADA Jillian Hardwicke. Hardheaded is more like it. This one is just too career bitch for me, darlings, and her alienating, if well intentioned, behavior, to everyone concerned is off putting.

But things resolve in a manner very positive and surprisingly understated for this show. Ramos is found to be the biological father of Camille's daughter, Hannah, who is produced and testifies, he turns against his cronies, revealing Gammon has raped other women and has been paying off everyone for years. Big hero, Victor, but you took the money, all those years, not even sending it back, just to keep yourself in gravy?????? Sorry, you are as big a sleaze as the rest of them. Bill and Victor get carted off for perjury. Mr. Gammon, the worst of the lot, is looking at a longer sentence, and possibly gang rape himself in the slammer. As Chris Meloni says to him "You go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200."

And once again, Monsieur slept through it!!!! But remember, loves, the episode is called "Branded" not "Camille." I don't advocate vigilante justice, but I sure understood where Camille was coming from!!!!!!!!!!!

No taking the law into your hands, girls!!!!!!! Just maybe dating a hot cop or two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Spy Wednesday, Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, now things really swing into Full Gear during Holy Week, with this apocryphal day. Which is when I think Judas went poking around, prior to his openly betraying Jesus. Strange thing to be commemorating, so I am asking all my girls out there to spy on someone--in a good way. And, no, don't come poking after me in the shower!!!! First of all, the sight would make you want to scream, and second I WOULD scream--just like Janet Leigh.

Maybe I will sneak up behind Monsieur in the kitchen and see what he is concocting for dinner. And not to fear; tomorrow may be Maundy Thursday, but there will be a Bitch Of The Week! I just don't have one yet. But you know how they just happen to turn up, loves!!!!!!!!!!!

So a happy Spy Wednesday to all. Watch out going around those corners, now!!!!!! And don't let anyone try and upstage your Easter ensemble!!!!!!!!!!!

Until tomorrow, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, When Will It Arrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easter is only five days away, darlings, and my fingernails are being nibbled down to their quicks. That is because Monsieur and I are eagerly awaiting the arrival in the mail of an ordered package, containing what I have chosen for this year's Easter film.

"What?" I hear some of you out there saying. "No 'Song Of Bernadette'?"

Let me say that film has already been viewed back in January. It was the special Miracle film that enabled me to get through my second colonoscopy, and while it did the trick, I knew that Easter would have to be something different.

There IS always "Easter Parade," with Judy Garland and Fred Astaire. I had also considered two Leslie Caron films--the classic "Gigi," which is always enchanting, and the earlier "Lili," which, believe it or not, I have NEVER seen. At least, not all the way through.

Monsieur was not too taken with these. But then I got a wickedly brilliant idea, one which is a challenge for him, I can tell you.

"Night Of The Lepus!"

This is a 1972 film, set in the American southwest, in which a community is menaced by--I swear I am not making this up!!!!!--giant, killer bunny rabbits!!!!!
They are SO cute, but up against clear glass and miniatures, they look meancing, and when folks scream and a paw comes flying, look out!!!!!! I know this from clips, never having seen the whole thing.

What a cast! Janet Leigh, in what was almost her last film, Stuart Whitman, Rory Calhoun, Paul Fix and "Star Trek's" DeForest Kelly. As we nibble on our chocolate confections on Easter, this will make for very different, yet perfect viewing.

But it has yet to arrive in the mail. So it may be "Easter Parade" yet!!!!! I think Glenn Close had it wrong in "Fatal Attraction." Instead of boiling the bunny, she not only should have boiled Michael Douglas, but the U.S. Postal System on inefficiency.

Which has yet to be determined. We shall see. As far as I am concerned it is "Night Of The Lepus" or nothing!!!!!!!!!!

And the Communion Hymn this year had better be "If I Can't Have You!"

What In The World Will Anna Think???????????

Word has been out on the street, loves, that Grace Coddington, over at VOGUE, is writing a book!!!! After what Lauren Weisberger did with "The Devil Wears Prada," Anna must have had cause for alarm, but then Grace is not about to bite the hand that feeds her, and neither is that silly Andre Leon Talley. At least Grace's book, which is called "Grace--Thirty Years At Vogue", will be disciplined and focus, examining too her pre-accident career as a model, when she actually resembled a dark haired version of Grace Kelly. Now, she looks like a bohemian harridan, but that has now become her trademark.

I cannot wait to read about Grace, who, from what I have seen, seems to be the most humane person present at VOGUE. And is thus probably responsible for whatever stability is retained there.

Being a fashion book, of course, it is oversized and expensive. So if your coffee table or purse strings have no room for it, give Grace a look in the bookstore. Anna may be high priestess, but Grace is the prelate that keeps the wheels going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just like me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, It Is Time To Give Tuesday Its Due!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, lambs, I am not talking about Tuesday Weld, or even the Rolling Stones song classic, "Ruby Tuesday," both of which are fabulous. I am talking about the weekday's secondary status--right between Monday, a day distinguished by dislike as it signals a return to work/school, and Wednesday, which marks the week's halfway point, and hope for the weekend. Things get even worse during Holy Week, with Palm Sunday, then nothing until Spy Wednesday. Tuesday cannot get a break.

There was a TV commercial, for what I cannot remember, years ago, where a guy dressed up in a funny suit and said "Hi, I'm Tuesday, the most underrated day of the week. He went on in like manner, and I have to say, as Bette Davis would, Honey child did have a point.

When I was growing up Tuesdays was Girls Night Out, when my two otherwise straitlaced grannies would hit the local Bingo parlor, and try to score big. Later on in the adult life of yours truly, it seemed Tuesday was always a day I would be going to therapy, which to me should signify it as a day of mental sanity, or at least of keeping me reasonably sane. Which it has.

The old rhyme says "Tuesday's child is full of grace." Much as I would like to take credit, I cannot, I was born on a Thursday. And "Thursday's child has far to go!!!!!" Just like me, darlings!!!!!!!!! At least I outlasted Wednesday, whose child is "full of woe."

So, let's hear it for Tuesday!!!!!!!!! Bingo, Psychotherapy, and Pancakes (on SHROVE Tuesday) should be enough to have it step up in class!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I know all my girls do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Can You Believe It Is Holy Week?????????????

It certainly took its time about getting here, this year, I can tell you!!!!!! And a belated Happy Palm Sunday, to all my girls!!!!!!!! Did we all get our palms????? I have to confess I missed out this year, as Monsieur and I were running around as usual. And this evening--hold onto your hats, darlings!!!!--I am going to my VERY FIRST Passover Seder. Actually, it is a simple restaurant dinner, with Monsieur at a kosher restaurant, but who says I do not go all the way when it comes to Holy Week? And I can hear some of you saying, knowing I grew up in that Jewish enclave known as Highland Park, New Jersey, "It's about time!" Like Katherine Hepburn, when she first attended the Oscar ceremonies!!!!!!!!

So we are off to a running start--Spy Wednesday, Maundy (still don't know what that word means) or Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and then Easter Sunday. Are your bonnets ready, darlings????? We are awaiting the arrival in the mail of the DVD of "Night Of The Lepus," which I am DETERMINED will be our Easter film. If not, of course we will settle for the Judy Garland classic, "Easter Parade."

Make sure you are extra good this week, girls, if you want the Easter Bunny to deliver that candy. And doesn't that candy effect us differently, now that we are older? But don't let age stand in the way of sugared pleasures, dears, just be extra careful with that intake!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hop down that Bunny trail, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Perhaps It Is Time To Revive A Decades Old Tradition!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, with Easter coming up, I have been thinking. Not just of that First Easter Morning, when Mary Magdalene, at dawn, carried spices to the tomb, to anoint the body of Jesus. Not just of the fun filled Easter egg and basket hunts my parents used to create for me in our house when I was growing up.

No, I was thinking of what came the night before. That is when we got out our PAAS Easter Egg coloring kit--it had to be no other, loves--and decorate the Easter eggs. We always did a dozen, which meant there was plenty of egg on hand the following week, and what to do with all these hard boiled eggs, before they went bad????

Which is still a problem facing Monsieur and Moi if we revive this tradition???? But tell me what you think, girls?????? Should we revive it??????
And what is your favorite egg decoration????????? And don't forget the Bunny Cart!!!!!!!!!!

Alleluia, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, These Are The Shadows Of Things That Have Been!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, some of you may be concerned that I am in a dark mood, what with so much talk lately about Diane, Roberta, Highland Park, New Jersey, and Harrison Avenue on here. I am not denying they are important parts of my past, but they cannot be revisited, because even though they exist, they have grown beyond what they were then. And so have I, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can't fight the past, darlings, though so many of us try! That is why the Dickens line I reference is so important! Even if my adult self were transported in a time machine back to that time, and my adult self confronted the adolescent Diane and Roberta, I am not so sure it would do any good. It would not alter what happened. It might result in apologies which are nice on the surface but the need for such acknowledgement is truly long gone.

The other part of the Dickens statement is that the shadows have no consciousness. Maybe that is why I love the opening of "Follies," when the ghosts emerge from within the theater and begin parading about the stage.

I am certainly not trying to denigrate Diane or Roberta, who are doing whatever they are doing today. I recognize a time when neither was very nice to me, but at the time, how outgoing was I that I might have fit in???? Not very, darlings!!!!!!! And they were super conformist, which was never ME, honey, I mean, not for a second!!!!!!!!!!!

Which is why the line in "A Chorus Line" is important. When Paul says to Zach, "I'm not very proud of my past," Zach answers him, "Who is? But that's what the word means--PAST!!!!!!!"

As we begin the Easter/Passover season, try to keep in perspective, darlings the importance of the Present. And be grateful for what you have now, and have moved beyond. I am, darlings, I can tell you!!!!!! The demons of the past will always prickle at us. But they can do no more, because the people that these were no longer exist--except in our memories!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, suppose Lana Turner had never dated Johnny Stompanampo!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Let's Start With Something Inspirational!!!!!!!!!

Girls, would you believe Easter is barely a week away, and I am still walking around in winter ware??????? How an I supposed to get into my Easter bonnet, and be the grandest in the Easter parade??????? Well, just in time for Easter is the Feast Day of St. Bernadette, which is today. Yes, girls, THAT Bernadette, immortalized in the classic Jennifer Jones film, in which she gave a stunning, Academy Award winning performance. Which is why I have Jennifer pictured here. Bernadette got hers on her vision day, back on February 11.

This is the day on which Bernaddette Soubirous passed from Earth to Heaven, back in 1879, at the age of 35. Fifty four years after that, in 1933, she was Canonized as a Saint of the Roman Catholic Church, and today was designated her Feast Day!!!!!!

So let's hear it for St. Bernadette, whose story continues to inspire!!!!!! Thanks to Lourdes and Jennifer Jones, if she is not the most famous of all the saints, she is certainly one of the most memorable!!!!!!!!!!

Remember this, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Let

Come On, Darlings, Light This Fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, the fun just continues!!!!!! Last night, after recovering from a migraine, and a book group session that fizzled when the member we wanted to roast did not show, I was cuddling with Monsieur, when on came the "On Fire" segment of "Law And Order: Criminal Intent." Now, I am not as partial to this segment of the franchise as I am to 'SVU', but it is STILL set in New York, the acting is first rate, as has come to be expected overall, and it is SO fun, girls, to see how fat cute, cherubic Vincent D'Onofrio gets with each episode.

And this one was something. It starts out with a spinsterish church secretary, Margaret, working away one evening, when, suddenly, a Molotov cocktail flies through a nearby window, setting fire to the church, St. Gerald's, with the flaming Margaret
running into the street, screaming, when the firefighters arrive!!!! Burnt to a crisp, darlings! Like Joan Of Arc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who caused the fire? And why? Before you know it, churches are being set aflame all over, but the investigators think it is a cover up for St. Gerald's being the main target.

Then we meet the Reid family. Yuppie scum Justin, and his sex kitten wife Noreen, whom he shags in his father's bathroom, right before dinner!!!! Real class, yeah!!!! Justin is SO big on proving himself--saying how he moved away, became a broker trainee, and was making six figures before he was able to drink. Then he moves back to the old nabe, with trophy Noreen, and buys the biggest, most vulgar house on the street, just to show off to the neighbors how superior he is to them!!!!
Which would be like me going back to Highland Park, New Jersey, and purchasing a house on Harrison Avenue!!!!! Which I don't need to, because, as I have said, from the moment I was born, I knew I was superior to everyone in that town!!!!!!!

Show off Justin even offers to donate $100K to repair the church he grew up in, and feels such affection for. A REAL Christian!!!!!! Yeah, right!!!!!!!!!!!

But then we met Justin's step mom, and Glenn, Justin's half brother. Regina, the step mom, is played by a mature looking Theresa Russell, who is doing an impersonation of Kathleen Turner, when she was once attractive. So much so I thought maybe Kathleen was wanted for this role, but they could not meet her price. And looking like the cow she is, how could she play this part???

Anyway, it seems there is something funny, conspiring, between Justin and Regina, like she has egged him on all his life, like an ersatz Lady Macbeth. Perfect casting for Theresa Russell. Meanwhile, half brother Glenn gets sloughed aside by everyone, even though he has health problems, and behavior ones that make him seem impaired, or what in less PC times might be called "retarded!!!!"

The one left in the dark, even by the end, is Mr. Reid, who has no idea how bad things were under his roof.

Things start unraveling with Justin's roommate, Charlie, whom the detectives question, and for all intents and purposes looks like their perp. But then charlie is killed in a way suggesting he was about to start another fire--though there is not a burn mark on him!!!!! Aha!!!!!!!

With the aid of some skillful math, the truth is pieced together, with the suspects gathered in the church for a denouement.

It turns out Glenn set the fire. Margaret's death was unfortunate in that she happened to be there. But she was the cause of things, sending to Glenn records giving evidence that Justin is not his half brother--but his actual father. It seems the firsr Mrs. Reid died when Justin was a teen, and then Daddy remarried Regina (just as nasty as "Little Foxes" Regina). Teen Justin had trouble accepting her as Mom, so, one weekend, with Dad away on business, Mommy appeals to his hormones, seduces him, and becomes pregnant, with Glenn. Glenn is born somewhat prematurely, and has lifelong respiratory problems, but this is skillfully covered up by Regina. he calls Regina "You witch!" which is the least of it, and now Father and Son begin to eye each other with mutual hate. Which Glenn cannot be blamed for, after Justin admits to killing Charlie!!!!! And Glenn's inconsolability over that death makes me wonder how close he and Charlie were. Huh, loves!!!!! And Glenn had set fire to the church--he worked for a cleaning outfit--to cover Margaret's secret, then went on an arson spree, thinking to throw everyone off the trail.

I was so glad when they clamped the cufffs on that scum Justin and bitch Regina. I would like to have seen Mr. Reid and Noreen taken them both apart!!!!!
And Glenn gets hauled off, too, for setting the fire, and causing Margaret's death!!!!!!

Such sick fun, darlings!!!!! And rare that everyone gets their just deserts!!!!!!! That Regina was one sick, calculating bitch, and no one plays one better than Theresa Russell!!!! Except me, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"L and O' CI" may not be as inspired as 'SVU' or "The Golden Girls," but when those are n ot available, it is a wonderful wind down!!!!!!!!!

Now, wind this down, dolls!!!!!!!

Girls, Let's Talk About "Pixies"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, I am NOT talking about Tinker Bell, who, by the way, was not only my favorite Disney character, but the only one who was genuinely a Babe!!!!!!!!!!!

Since 'SVU' failed to provide this week, I turned to my own stash, loves, and watched an old episode called "Pixies."

It was designed, I think, to rip the lid off competitive female gymnast programs (wouldn't we rather have seen males, girls?????) but it was a hoot!!!!!!

Two sanitation workers find the body of a young girl stashed in a dumpster, dressed in expensive gym garb, and even more expensive running shoes. She turns out to be Christie Myerson (no relation to Bess, dolls!!!!) who was in a gymnastics program with a man named Ilya Korska, played by Philip Casnoff, who was clearly borrowing his Russian accent from the one he heard David Carroll use every night, when they both appeared together on Broadway in "Chess."

It turns out Christie had more secrets than a 50's game show panelist. For starters, she was 19, instead of 16. She lied about her age, so she could train with Korska--like being a New York actor, and saying you have real credits, so you can study with Austin Pendelton!!!!! Her age was being protected, and her career advanced, by Kyle Huber, a wealthy donor to Korska's foundation, who was sleeping with her. Evidently, Christie really wanted to get ahead--so she gave head!!!!!!
Suspects flow right and left--Korska, Huber, Christie's parents, especially her stage-like mother. But it turns out to be one of the few perps on the show I have ever felt sympathy for, Lori, played by Kate Mara.

Lori and Christie would run together every night, before turning in. Lori is desperate to succeed, but her reach exceeds her grasp, and everyone knows it, but she. Korska, suspecting Christie is up to something, asks Lori to spy for him, promising her Christie's star spot. Lori complies, but when Korska finds out about
Christie and Huber, he demands Christie break off with him. She does, because Christie wants to win, and you would think at this point Huber would be the killer.
But, no!!!!!!!!!!!

Lori and Christie go for their usual nighttime run, and Christie says how she has broken off with Huber, so she can retain her star spot. Instead of going after Korska, Lori, after getting mad at him, goes after Chrisitie, calling her a "Whore!", which is heard by an old woman in an upstairs apartment nearby, when Benson and Stabler question her. Lori then picks up a brick, goes after Christie, throws it, and it hits Christie, killing her.

Poor Lori, when interrogated, says she has no idea how the brick flew out of her hand. Yeah, right! Just like I have no idea that you have to remove the cozy before serving tea!!!!!

Lori says Christie ruined everything for her, because it came so easy for her. Lori had to struggle with her weight, and Christie didn't. The activity made Christie stop menstruating, but not Lori, and Lori wanted what Chrisite had. So she killed her, but lost it all, even the respect of Korska, who, at the end, calls her "an imbecile!"

Honey, I could relate to Lori. It was just like in school, when Diane and Roberta got everything I wanted, and should have had!!!!! However, I did not go about killing them. Nor did I ever think about it. I just went on despising them for the rest of my life. And letting my girls know all about it. I DID try to confront that Santamarina bitch on Honor Society, but could only go so far. So no heads were bashed, which, now that I look at it, was probably a good thing!!!!!

You just had to feel sorry for Lori. She wanted something so bad, but could not face that she was not talented enough. Unlike moi, who knew I was superior to EVERYONE in Highland Park, New Jersey from the moment I was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Pixies" was fabulous, girls!!!!! A dose of humor and malice!!!! Just the thing for a cold, rainy night!!!!!!!!

See you at the gym, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Aren't They A Pair!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I have to say, Monsieur was right!!!!! Last eve I was bemoaning the fact that I could not find a bitch for today. He said, not to worry, they always turn up!!!! I mean, I was so devastated, I did not even watch 'SVU' last night. But no loss, because it was just the two repeat episodes about Olivia and Calvin. Calvin's mother, Vivian, was pure trash, and, besides, I am more interested in social deviants!!!!

As late as early this morning, I had no bitch!!!!! But lo and behold, Monsieur was right!!!!! For not only did I find one, but two!!!!! Duo bitches are rare, but they do turn up!!!!!!

The winner(s) of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award are Susan Brock, and her daughter, Rachel Brock!!!!!!

Let me first say, I find it interesting that they turn up, in light of our recent viewing of the 'SVU' episode, "Totem." That is the one where Lisa Banes plays Elaine Frye, the Sexual Predator Mother From Hell, who abuses her two daughters. One of them, June, escapes, while another, Katie, lives on to take the abuse that is unfortunately dished out to her, which, in the end, turns her into an abuser, causing her to murder one of her sister's music students. Nice, huh????

Now, I don't know if the 'SVU' writers knew about the Brock dames, but if they did, there is no doubt they figured into the story as well. But here they are.

Susan Brock, aged 49, and living in Arizona--another White Trash state, darlings!!!--began systematically abusing a neighbor boy (who cannot be identified, as he is still a minor) when he was still 11. She started by giving him presents, then began working up to sexual contact by the time he was 13. The abuse went on for at least three years, before it was reported.

But wait, girls, it gets better!!!!!!

Susan's daughter, Rachel Brock, 22, is accused, unknowingly at the time to her mother, of molesting the same boy, from when he was 13!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it, darlings!!!!! Tag team Mom and daughter!!!!! I am surprised they did not have a three way. Spank these bitches' monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel, who began abusing the boy when she was 18, did everything from oral sex to sending nude pics and sexting him. Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susan went on trial, and has been sentenced to more than twelve years in prison. Honey, I hope she serves every day of that sentence, and that those broads in the slammer work her over good!!!!!! Her attorney tried to argue the lame excuse that she was abused by her stepfather, adding, that she is NOT a pedophile?????
Oh, really?????????? Fortunately, the jury did not buy that crap!!!!!!

Rachel's conduct is equally heinous, and I believe at some point the gals discussed it, like two sickos. They probably WERE planning a three way!!!!!

Rachel has not gone on trial yet, though she should. With a mom like this, I have no doubt it will be revealed she was abused at some point. The cycle of sickness continues!!!!!!

Fulton Brock, Susan's hubby, a county supervisor, is divorcing her, and washing his hands of this scum!!!!! Good for him!!!! He says he will stand by his daughter, which is somewhat admirable, given he probably had no idea Rachel was being abused too, which I can tell you she was!!!!!!

As for the unfortunate young boy, still only 17, he had to testify at Susan's trial, and relive the trauma. "I hope never to feel or think about Susan Brock again," he said, adding he was thrown into an inescapable depression. No wonder.

Not only was he subjected to the abuse, but, girls, these women were SO ugly!!!! Rachel looks like a fat pig desperate for anything, which is very likely why she did it, while Susan has that classic psychotic look; she is most certainly another Hattie Dorsett!!!!!!!

No, loves, you could not ask for two better Bitches this week!!!! Take the key, and lock them up, and throw it away!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I know, you want to me to report on what Anna is doing. I have been meaning to have lunch with her, and when I do, I will!!!!! But, meanwhile let us hear it for the Brock Bitches!!!!!!!!!!

So long, Granny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Let's Start The Day With A Birthday Tribute!!!!!

Darlings, today happens to be the birthday of our "Darling," Julie Christie!!!! Or so I found out this morning. Well, everyone has a birthday, but you can imagine how astonished I was to find that Miss Christie today turns the ripe old age of....70!!!!!!!!!

Lara is 70??????????????????

You better believe it, girls!!!! Let me tell you, it was astonishing enough to me nine years ago to see Julie playing Granny in "Finding Neverland." To think of her now playing grandmothers!!!!! But she did it with so much glamour and aplomb, she made being Granny look good!!!!! In fact, you could not ask for a better looking Grandmother than Julie Christie.

And now she has reached 70!!!!!!! And has set new standards for that age. When I was small, darlings, 70 used to signify slowing down, being white haired, and sitting in a rocking chair. Hell, my father turns 96 in 16 days, and he doesn't even do that!!!!!! So Miss Christie is still young by comparison, and I have no doubt if she reaches 100, it will set new glam standards.

So a Happy Birthday wish to Miss Julie Christie!!!!! Have plenty of champagne and cake on hand. Maybe red Velvet. Or Angel Food--frosted Pink!!!!!!

Lick the bowl, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, What'cha Gonna Do, When They Come For You? Bad Boys!!!!!!!!! Bad Boys!!!!!!!!!! Bad Boys!!!!!!!!!!!!

"How can you do it?" asks Monsieur.

How, I am constantly asked can someone as erudite and literary as moi, darlings, watch something as trashy as "COPS?" Well let me tell you something, girls---I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! This show is a hoot, in the same sense that "Judge Judy" is. This is a true social documentation of America, and, honey, if you think America is scary now, wait till after you have watched cops.

First of all, it never takes place in New York, I guess they figure, though ficiton, "Law And Order," with its franchises, has the market cornered. Most of the shows take place in White Trashland--Texas, Florida, Georgia-- with duggies denying everything, "Ah Doan Kno', Man," says the coke addict, with the bag seated next to him. "I ain' got no drugs!" You just gotta love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other night, the show outdid itself, when it ran a segment called "Naked Cops." Now, before my girls get all hot and bothered, thiniking they are going to see hot naked cops, let me tell you very few of the cops on this show are HOT. Many are full figured, and, darlings, it is a wonder to me how they catch anyone, because by the time they have the suspect collared on the ground, they are huffing and puffing so furiously they seem just one step away from a trip to the ER!!!!!!!! Honey, if the ballet kept to these standards, there would be no ART!!!!!! Perhaps the boys in blue should be hitting the dance barre, not the pub!!!!!!!!!!! And cool it with the donuts!!!!!!!!!!!!

The subject of "Naked Cops" was suspects, each of whom arrested, was, for unfathomaable reasons, naked. Like Jeffrey, who called himself Brian, but was sleepinhg nude in a stolen car. What was that about??? At least, he had shorts to put on. There was this other guy, in a vacant lot, no clothes on him, no sign of them anywhere, higher than a kite, covered in blood. It took sic cops to get him down, and they had to disninfect themselves from the blood, though they wore gloves.

You just have to laugh at the trashiness of it all, which is America!!!!!!!! Thank God my girls and I live in a sophisticated area. The areas these people live make the characters on "Mamma's Family" seem sophisticated by comparison. Eunice was a fashion icon compared to some of these babew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But for unwinding after a long day, you cannot beat "CO{S." It will make you grateful for what you do NOT have to deal with.

Like yours truly, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, What Have We Come To???????????????????

Darlings, remember, several weeks back, when I told the new staff how they could fix "Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark"--which no one has listened to me on, yet!!--and one of the first things said was to bring the homosexuals back to the theater. Well, someone is listening to me, just not the right show.

The makers of "High," the new Broadway drama, starring that Bovine Cow, Miss Kathleeen Turner (no offense to cows, dears!!) have listened a little too strenuoulsy.

First, they have Kathleen Turner--playing a NUN!!!!!!!!!!! Honey, next to "The Divine Sister," this has GOT to be the campfest of the seaason!!!!! Second, it has a young man in it, who at times appears nude, so much so that in the ads they make sure to advertise that the play features full frontal male mudity.

Why???????? They want an audience???????? Do you think they will get one if it is Kathleen Turner, in the nude!!!!!!!!! SCAAAAAAAAAARY!!!!!!!!! I would run right out of there, let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!! Though, as I said, having her play a NUN is a HOOT!!!!!!!!!!!

So why telegraph the male nudity?????????? Because they now that every gay man on either side of the Hudson, Theater Queen or not, will be scrambling to get in, just to see a young hot ting onstage. I mean, what does this say about the desperation of gay men going to the theater????? The same thing was done with Daniel Radcliffe in "Equus," and let me say it would not surprise me if I suddenly walk into a performance of 'How To Succeed,' and find this principle being used. The trick with that show is--when??????? My suggegstion would be the washroom scene, with "I Believe In You!"

Girls, imagine, Birthday Suits on Broadwaqy, to promote Broadway!!!!!!!!!! What is it going to be next???????????? Not me, loves, because I do NOT do nude scenes!!!!!!!!!

And, of course, you know I am going to see "High" at some point. With the Cow and Buckskin, what could be bad??????????????

Moo Moo, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, The Scariest Part Of This Film Is Madaame Zena!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, this morning I found myself thinking about fun houses--spook houses, if you will--those favorite amusements of mine, both past and present. Which, of course, led me to thinking about Tobe Hooper's film "The Funhouse," which--can you believe it, darlings??????--turns 30 years old this year.

What a film that was. Sandwiched between a rather conventional tale of wise ass teens deciding to spend a night in an enclosed fun house, only to be pursued by a creature, you had Gary Conway and Wayne Doba in this bizarre father and son love-hate relationship. Doba plays a creature who looks something like the Elephant Man, is somewhat retarded, but has feelings, and you feel sorry for him. Conway abuses him terribly, blaming him for the wife's death, and has this line where he says, " I do NOT hate the sound of your voice," but you know he does. There is some tragic depth here.

Now, this is disturbing enough, already, but then to add to this, you have the character of Madame Zena, played in her usual fashion by--guess who???--Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Sylvia, consummate professional that she is, gives it her ALL-- even though you know she could easily have walked through this part, having basically played it dozens of times. Well, darlings, the Monster is human and has his needs, so when he needs "action," what does he do????? He goes to Madame Zena--who not only suffers the indignity of his pre-ejaculatory issues, but charges him????? I mean, can you believe charging him!!!!!!! Both are pretty desperate in order to have sex with each other, but let me tell you, you have GOT to be pretty desperate to have sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!!!! You wouldn't catch John Simon, I can tell you!!!!!!

To me, this is the SCARIEST moment in the movie!!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles!!!!!!!!! Not me, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank GOD I am Gay and have a Gorgeous Monsieur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, girls, if you are on a bad date, remember it is not the worst thing in the world!!!!!!!! Sex with Sylvia Miles, is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!