Bye, Bye, March!!!!!!!!!!!! But Was It Lion, Lamb--Or What????????????????????

                            Imagine, girls--as of today we are exactly one fourth of the way through 2015.  How about that?

                             But this was the damnedest march I ever knew.  The wind blasts have not let up yet, and while the calendar says Spring has sprung, Winter still has a death grip on us.  Not to mention it is is Holy Week, and this Sunday is Easter, which, along with the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette,"--just five more days, dolls!!!!!!!-- was the day I always chose for putting away the winter things, and getting out those for Spring and Summer.  But who can count on that, right now??????????

                              Not all the drama this month was on "The Slap." There was some off here, worthy of that series, that casts a light on me, as Rosie.  I hope I can be as brave as she is.

                                The highlight of the month!  Monsieur and I had the most romantic theatrical time, at the revival of "On The Twentieth Century."  Who thought I would enjoy the revival so much, having seen the original???????????/

                                  So, farewell to March.  April, according to T.S. Eliot, is the cruelest month--and my family history proves that. But may we find joy in the month to come, move on, and celebrate, at next month's end, my father's Centennial.

                                     You know what they say, darlings--

                                      "Can March march?  No, but April may!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I Plan On Trying My Hand At Becoming A Classical Scholar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I think my bear friend is right, to a point.  One of my biggest regrets was not continuing my foreign language studies, but, as stimulated by all the Latin references in Carol Goodman's novel, "The Lake Of Dead Languages," I have followed her lead.  I am currently reading Robert Fagles' translation of "The Aeneid," by Virgil, and I picked up a copy of "Wheelock's Latin," and the workbook. I am first going to try and teach myself--which might be a mistake, but I want to see how far I get.  Should this not work, I will advertise for a tutor in my neighborhood, or go to the neighborhood churches, and see if there are any clerics or parishioners, who might be interested in tutoring me.

                               At this time, when I am going through some stuff, I need something that completely absorbs my concentration.  "The Aeneid" is doing the trick.

                                 So, don't look so sad, bear.  Hopefully, your frown will turn into a smile, and then I will be a classical scholar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    And I can always study Greek, with Cujo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Hope This Doesn't Bode Well For Coney Island's Summer Season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Traditions, darlings, are being broken all over the place.  It used to be that the Easter weekend was the time when Coney Island began operating only on the weekends.  Then came Memorial Day, which is when it ran full time till Labor Day.

                                   Well, the powers that be decided to open things up a bit on Palm Sunday weekend.  On March 29, which was Palm Sunday, a group of eager riders, some who do this annually, took the first ride of the season on the Cyclone, the landmark roller coaster of Coney, shortly before noon.  They had just kicked off with a christening, by shattering an egg cream bottle against the ride.

                                    Patrons took their seats, and the ride began.  Everyone was thrilled and excited.  But, just ass the ride reached almost the first drop, the ride came to a dead stop.  The travelers were stuck, and had to walk down, one by one, almost eighty feet, with guards helping them.

                                      This is one reason I will never ride a roller coaster. The other is my  mother, who went on this very ride, back in the 1930s. She went on with two friends--she was in the middle--and by the time the ride came to a halt, they discovered, at some point, she had fainted.  She had to be carried off.

                                       May this be the Cyclone's only glitch this Summer. It is a beautiful ride, and I love watching it in motion, and hearing the people scream in delight.

                                         With my feet firmly planted on the ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Man Directed Two Of My All-Time Favorite Musicals--"MAME," And "RAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                  If any of you out there went to the Broadway theater during the Sixties, Seventies, and Eighties, chances are one of the shows you saw was directed by Gene Saks.  Who, at one point, might have been known as Mr. Beatrice Arthur, when he was married to said actress, but Gene was a genius in his own right.

                                    His track record was phenomenal.  Take a look at this.  In addition to my two favorites, he directed, among other shows, "Half A Sixpence," "Nobody Loves An Albatross," "Same Time Next Year," the musical "I Love My Wife," as well as a plethora of Neil Simon plays--"Brighton Beach Memoirs," "Biloxi Blues,"  Broadway Bound" (The Entire Eugene Trilogy!!!!!!), "Lost In Yonkers." "Jake's Women," "Rumors," not to mention the original production of "The Odd Couple," and "California Suite."

                                     He started out as an actor; interestingly, his debut was in 1949, in the ensemble of the original "South Pacific."  He also enacted the role of Leo "Chuckles The Chipmunk" Herman, in "A Thousand Clowns," both on Broadway and film--his best known acting gig.

                                       By my count he won seven Tony Awards for directing both plays and musicals.  He was the director of the day, whom every actor, including myself, wanted to work with.  I am sorry I did not get the chance.

                                         He died on March 28, at the age of 92, from complications from pneumonia, not surprising, at that age. He died at home, in the East Hamptons.

                                          But I have no doubt, once he crossed over, he was asked to mount something in the Celestial Realms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Since he was such a success on Earth, how could he not be, there??????????????

                                             Rest In Peace, Gene Saks!  Because, as your kind goes, it can never, ever be replaced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              To close, I have two classic offerings. Here are Angela Lansbury, Jane Connell, Sab Shimono, and Frankie Michaels doing "We Need A Little Christmas," from Saks' Original  1966 production of "MAME."

                                              And, exactly twenty years later, in 1986, here are Judy Kuhn and Dick Latessa recreating the high point of "RAGS"--its dramatic, title song!

                                               Enjoy, darlings, and remember a true genius' work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take One Part "The Secret History," Add A Bit Of "The Children's Hour," Then A Dollop Of "Heavenly Creatures," And You've Got "The Lake Of Dead Languages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                              I had never heard of either this book, or Carol Goodman, until I picked this up, a few Sundays ago, at my local bookstore. The comparison to Donna Tartt caught my eye, as well as its promising premise--a remote girls' school setting, classical references to Latin, and a mystery.

                                As it turned out, this was the prefect "fun" book, after being so disappointed by "Against The Country," already covered on this blog.   "The Lake Of Dead Languages" may not live up to "The Secret History"--what ever could???--but is engaging and stimulating enough to get me, who was in a funk, due to situations outside here, back on the road to reading concentration.  In fact, it stimulated me classically; I had always regretted not going as far as I wanted in my foreign language study, but you know who all to blame for that--Mrs. Santamarina!!!!!!!!!!--but after finishing Goodman's book, I went to get a copy of Wheelock's Latin and The Workbook, so I can teach myself Latin (if unsuccessful, I will find a tutor) and right now I am reading Robert Fagles' translation of Virgil's "The Aeneid."  Yes, darlings, me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Now, as to Goodman's book.  You can't put it down, darlings, it presses all the right buttons, save one.  I figured out halfway through the book who the perpetrator was, but not why.  That made no sense to me considering the past; considering who the perp was in the past did not make sense that she would become the intelligent, confident woman she seemed to be in adulthood.

                                 That is as much as I can say, without revealing more, and I may be saying too much already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    But I can't say enough about Carol Goodman, and "The Lake Of Dead Languages."  This is the one to start with, girls, but I am curious as to what her other novels are like!

                                       You will be the first to know, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember The Four Seasons, Girls??????????? How About The Five Jimmys????????????????

                         With just a touch of The Beach Boys thrown in, because you have got to hear this video of The Five Jimmys doing "Barbara Ann!!!!!!!!"  This will lift you out of whatever doldrums you are in, or liven up Holy Week!!!!!!!!!!!!  Who knew Jimmy Fallon could be this talented and imaginative!  Maybe he should appear on "American Horror Story."

                 
                              So, here it is, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!  Certainly the highlight of my week!!!!!!!!!!

                              And Ryan Murphy, why the hell don't you call me?????????????????????        

Happy Palm Sunday, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Girls, can you believe we are coming down the home stretch of Lent!  I mean, next Sunday is Easter, and that means the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette!!!!!!!!!"

                                But this week kicks off Holy Week, and all its attendant hoopla!  I wish you all the best, Catholic or not, and to all my friends, Happy Passover AND Good Friday, which are on the same day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 So, it has been a fast and furious season!  May this holiest of times be spiritually fulfilling for you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I can't wait for those Church statues to be uncovered!  Never mind the Easter Bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Processing Is Done--Now Let's Talk About Rosie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Let me make it clear I am still in Rosie's corner.  I know exactly how she feels, and identify with it, based on what I have alluded to, going on, outside the contents of this blog.

                                   The first thing to say about the episode was how widely it deviated from the book.  When the show began, Rosie and Gary were in an art gallery, and it took me several seconds to grasp this was the past; not one of Gary's present shows, but when he and Rosie first met.  (Robbie--Jon Robin Baitz, that is--what the hell are you doing???????).

                                     Rosie is said to have tried various careers--modeling, sales, jewelry making, never really settling on one.  This is important, in the context of what comes up later.

                                      In this episode, Hugo is going for his first day of school. He never makes it to that point, in the book.  And this has to be the fastest weaning job I have ever seen, because not once for a moment does Hugo reach out for"titty!!!!!!!!!!"

                                       Hugo being Hugo, school comes crashing down on him, with the school saying, after day one, they couldn't handle him. Hell, I had the same problem, having to repeat kindergarten because I was too damn bright for the teachers and students to cope with. Fuck them, and anyone who reads this from that time, I don't care!  You wanna talk to me--TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Like I said, this show, and Rosie, press all my issues.

                                          As I said, the show does not really go into Rosie's tragic past, which includes a negligent mother, and an alcoholic father who gambled the house away, and ends up committing suicide.  Which, since Rosie didn't get great parenting, limits her perspectives on it. It seems the ones who really nurtured her were her school friends, Aisha and Anouk.

                                            But, for all that Rosie loves and believes in Gary, the problem being projected on her here is that she sees herself unfavorably, in comparison to her friends,   Aisha is a successful physician, and Anouk a promising writer, and currently writing a TV series.  Rosie is a stay at home Mom.  At one point, after committing a glaring faux pas that even I could not overlook--going to see Harry at his car dealership, and asking him to plead "No contest," just to end it all, at  which point, even I was crying out, "Oh, no, Rosie!!!!!!!!!"--she and Gary have a big fight which results in her lashing out at him, wishing that he were more "successful," so that she could have a quality of life more like her friends.   This drives Gary into a one-night stand with an art student he encounters at a gallery, proving that save for Manolis, none of the men on "The Slap" can remain faithful to their lives.  Interesting.

                                           The trial, and its outcome, take place midway through the book, with the remainder showing how longtime friendships and relationships fall apart as a result, and everyone goes their separate ways.  Gary and Rosie, by the end, are moving to a different part of Australia, as he has a new construction job.  And the outcome in the book is that Harry is found guilty, but not convicted.  Rosie, understandably, is not happy, but when she goes home, she lies to Hugo, telling him they won--and that the bad man is going to jail.  No, no., Rosie!  Eventually, Hugo will find out the truth--he is not stupid--and how will that effect your relationship with him, not to mention your credibility as a mother?????????????

                                         Nothing was resolved in this episode; Baitz seems to be going for some big
"Law And Order" type finish, that is so in keeping with NBC.  Political pandering to the network, and good writer selling out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           My beloved seems to be of the mindset that the writing will go for a "Pyrrhic victory," in which no one is satisfied. Who knows?  I am just interested in seeing how the show ends itself--what about Richie and Connie?  By the way, it looks like Richie will be put on the stand; another deviation from the book.  Oh, and Richie's mother telling Rosie to stay away from Richie and find another babysitter is lifted from the book, where a friend of Rosie. who has turned Islamic, but who has moved up the economic rung she wants to, tells her to stay away from he and his wife. as her kind is bad!

                                           Poor Rosie!  She is not a bad person, but she is not perfect!  I admire her  for having the courage of her convictions, not caving in to others.

                                           But is any character on this show perfect?  Are we?

                                           Of course not. And that is what I think the end of "The Slap" will ultimately prove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Lady Gaga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           "Oh, Lady Gaga, I love you; you're simply fabulous,
                                               you really are,,,,what is this?...OW!!!!!!!!!!!!"
                                            --Christine Pedi, as Liza Minnelli in "Shit Liza
                                                  Minnelli Says"



                                    Yes, darlings, today Lady Gaga turns 29.  Which is kind of hard to believe, because she has had so much media exposure, it seems she has been around longer than she has.
And don't forget, darlings, she is a graduate of The Convent Of The Sacred Heart, where all GOOD girls, go!!!!!!!!  Me, I wouldn't have made it through the front door!!!!!!!!!!!  And to think of all this, right on the day before Palm Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     I must confess to being a little miffed, darlings!  Lady Gaga's birthday, and I don't get invited to the party?????????  Don't these people know who I am????????  The Raving Queen??????????  Don't they know what this means, in this town??????????????

                                     In any case, I will have my own Lady Gaga birthday party, and I urge you to do the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And, just to keep in the right spirit, here is Lady G doing the classic "Born This Way!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                         Wonder what kind of birthday cake she would have?  Will Anna be there?

                                 
                                         

The Literary Event Of The Year Hits The Stands On July 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Just think about that, girls--Bastille Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   This is the cover jacket for the new Harper Lee novel.  I cannot believe I just wrote those last three words, because I don't think anyone ever expected there to be a new Harper Lee novel.

                                     Notice how closely the jacket resembles the one for the cover of "To Kill A Mockingbird."  And how the name of the author is much bigger than on the jacket of that classic, because then she was just a fresh discovery. Now, she is an ICON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        I cannot wait, girls; I will be first in line, and you had better believe I will stay up all night, reading it!  But I wanted you to get a look at the cover.

                                         It should be an exciting reading Summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ready For Rosie, Girls?????????????????

                         Rev up that TV volume to full blast at 10PM tonight, when "The Slap" airs on NBC, and Rosie gets her chance to air her issues.  Take a cue from her, darlings; believe me, I am, because there is plenty of Rosie stuff going on in my non-blog life, and so I can understand completely how she feels.  I cannot wait to see Melissa George give it to Harry, and, boy, if he is acquitted, heaven help him, if he incurs Rosie's wrath.

                         I will, of course, be able to discuss this all further with you, girls, after I have seen it, including the book, wherein Rosie does something that even I, who am on her side, found unforgivable!  Will that be in tonight's episode??????  We can only tune in and find out????????

                         And for all the Rosie's out there, and myself--

                         "You think this is about money???????  This thing thinks this is about money??????"

Another Acting Triumph For Marin Ireland, Last Night On 'SVU'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

                       This has been some season for Marin Ireland. First, her brilliant turn as Sandi on "The Slap"--oh, my God, her Meryl Streep moment at the barbecue was worth the whole episode--and now here superb, and altogether different portrayal of Bella Sullivan, sister of Detective Carisi, superbly played by Peter Scanavino. She is pregnant by her ex-convict husband, Tommy Sullivan  (Michael Chernus), who maintains that, while he was imprisoned, one of the female prison guards, Donna Marshall (played by by Molly Price as a REAL bitch, who with that hairstyle, or wig, I swear was trying to do an impersonation of Cathy Moriarty!!!!!!!!! Why didn't they just get Cathy in the first place?  She has been on the franchise before!) raped him in his cell!  Which, of course examined the whole "men can be raped, too" issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         The strong performances should have come from the actors playing Tommy and Donna.  But it was Marin's show all the way!  Her torment, conflict, and finally the love she feels for her man, and what he went through, out acted everyone on the show, even Scanavino, who generally out acts the staff, save Kelli Giddish, as Rollins.

                            I did not see the entire episode, girls, but what I saw was impressive.  Marin managed to upstage even Raul Esparza!!!!!!!!!!!    And where were Kelli and Danny Pino?  I missed Kelli, but not that Pino guy!!!!!!!!!  Will someone tie a tin can around that little broad's tail????????  He is not worthy of being on the show!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              As for Marin, bring her back!  As Bella, a replacement for Pino, anything!  She did what I thought was the impossible!

                                 She brightened an 'SVU' episode with solid acting. Something that has been missing since Celia Keenan-Bolger guested on the program!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Go, Marin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valiree Jackson Was Murdered By Her Bitch Of A Father, Who Is Little More Than A Male Susan Smith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Susan Smith is one of the Iconic Bitches Of The Twentieth Century.  William Bradley Jackson, a narcissist supreme, has only to content himself with being named this week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award!  What a piece of work!

                             Valiree Jackson, nine years old at the time, vanished from her home on October 18, 1999, in the Spokane, Washington area.  Her father, 33, at the time, said she vanished early one morning, before school.

                                What a crock, darlings!  Because this guy's wife, Valiree's mother, vanished in 1992, and when everything came to light, it was found he had killed her, too.

                                    He wanted both women out of the way, so he could have his girl friend, some local tramp, all to himself.  Just as Susan Smith drowned her two children because she thought she could ride the Gravy Train to Suburban Heaven, with that local guy, Tom, who was interested in her, but who wanted no part of Susan's children.

                                     Same deal with Brad's girl friend. She and Valiree did not get along, and Brad realized that. So, instead of doing the sensible thing--sending Valiree to friends, relations, people she preferred, which would have been better than murder--he decided to play Othello to her Desdemona by smothering her, with a pillow, while she slept.

                                        Valiree's body was found on November 15, 1999. Now her father faces life in prison, and the dumb girl friend, who should have been smart enough to learn if Brad could murder his ex-wife and daughter, what does that say for her, is well rid of him!!!!!!!! But trash like that always finds abusers, and so the dumb bitch is probably taking up with another dumb bastard.

                                            Ignorance can't be held accountable for murder. But Brad Jackson can.   He is this week's Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!  No more Father's Days for him!!!!!!!!!!

                                              This is one father who does NOT know best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         

Beyonce Doing "A Star Is Born???????????" Girl, Are You Kidding Me????????????????

                             How many times can "A Star Is Born" be remade?  One reason why the 1954 Judy Garland classic surpasses even the Janet Gaynor original was because, during the Fifties, there was still a superb musical context--the songs were pure gold.

                             Twenty two years later, BARBRA focused on rock and disco, which cheapened the whole thing, but I have to give her credit for reinventing the famous "Mrs. Norman Maine" ending. Instead of saying that, she does this howling rock number, twirling and swirling her curls, ending with the emphatic phrase, "Are you watching me now?"  You gotta admit, it is different, darlings, and it was keeping right in with BARBRA's ego, which is almost as big as mine, and soared to greater heights, when she did "Yentl," leaving poor Tovah, forgotten, like a run over dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Now comes the idea of Beyonce!  And Bradley Cooper directing?  He might make for a good lead, but a director?  And how is Beyonce going to be able to fit into those costumes, and move in front of the camera, what with all the cheeseburgers, onion rings, french fries, and apple pies, she has been eating?  Call her Gorge Girl, because, honey, I am telling you, that waist line is going to expand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hell, Beyonce here could go from playing Deena in "Dreamgirls," to Effie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Meanwhile, what about ex-Effie, Jennifer Hudson?????????  She is looking mighty fine these days, and if Miss Beyonce does not watch out, she could find Jennifer beating her out for the role!  I think she would be better anyway!!!!!!!!!!   Miss Jones, indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                So, stuff it, Beyonce!  But don't go expecting a Judy Garland Oscar triumph!!!!!!!!!!

                                 If the dress don't fit, forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Ready, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's "Rosie's Turn," Tomorrow, On "The Slap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                              Tomorrow night is the evening all us "Slap" fans have been waiting for. The night when things are finally told from Rosie's viewpoint.

                                There is no doubt Melissa George will score an acting triumph in the role, as she has since the series began. But how much will be learned about Rosie?  Will things about Rosie in the book be brought in, or skimmed over?  And what about Gary, who is still something of a cypher--he paints on occasion, teaches adjunct at the New School, and can still afford to live in trendy Williamsburg?  Not in the New York I come from, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Just what will happen to Rosie?  What kind of justice will she get?  Will Harry get off?  And what will Rosie do, if he does?  Should that happen, I do not blame Rosie for taking further action!  I can relate to her completely, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 And I will be with you, on Friday, to discuss this, will all you Rosie fans!  Be sure to tune in tomorrow night, at 10PM, and cheer our heroine on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Justice For Rosie, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Annunciation, Mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               This is a big day, for Mary!  I mean, THE Mary!  This is the day the angel (was it Gabriel????????) appeared to her, and said she was to be the Mother of Jesus.  As you can see from the picture, it was just an ordinary day; Mary was at her mini-altar doing her prayers, like a good girl, expecting nothing more, than to get on with her day when...WHAM!!!!!!!--the angels, a Heavenly Choir, the whole bit.  No wonder she looks a bit surprised!

                                 Girls, I am telling you, if an angel appeared to me, I would be more than surprised.  I would be, like, "Are you sure you have the right party?," because I sure ain't no Bernadette!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am more Pearl Chavez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    But it is one of the biggest days in the Mary Canon, and I want to wish her the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Rock on, Mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Liza??????????? How You Doin', Liza??????????? Down In Carolina..............??????????????????"

                            Girls, I am telling you, no sooner does Liza check into rehab, then news comes of a new concert or project.  What on earth could it be?  She has been living off of "Cabaret," for the past 40 years, and is in no position to do that now.  Her voice is shot, her youth's gone up the river, so what can she possibly do??????  Stand on a stage in Halston red, and twirl her arms for two hours?  Where is the audience for that?

                             Only a few drugged out queens, who don't know better, darlings, will crash whatever venue for this.  The last time I recall Liza playing New York was in the remnants of what had been the bathhouse at Coney Island!!!!!!!!!!  How far down have we come, girl?????????????????

                               So, I am not sure about Liza's new act.  She can't even do her old ones!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Just tell that Beyonce to order two cheeseburgers, onion rings, and french fries!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Do I Think Of These Three Bound For Broadway Musical Movie Adaptations?????????? Not Much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Let's start with "Gigi," girls!  It was first done as a stage adaptation--a musical!!!!!!--in 1973.  It had Arlene Francis, and it flopped, then. So, what makes anyone think this version will be any better???????? As if it could even come close to the 1948 Vincent Minnelli classic, which it can't. That film is just about perfection!

                               Now, "An American In Paris" also has the MGM-Minnelli pedigree, not to mention Nina Foch, and that fabulous ballet with Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron--in her film debut, and later to play "Gigi."  This almost has a degree of potential, and is the only one of the three I have the remotest interest in seeing, because I have seen this film less than the other two, and it is less familiar to film viewers than the others.   The Gershwin score, in house, would be ravishing, and if they really replicate the 20 minute ballet sequence, it could be a successful achievement. Not to compare with the movie, but to stand along beside it.  But can anyone top Gene and Leslie???????

                                 Don't even get me started with "Doctor Zhivago!"  It should not be allowed on Broadway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  To think of anyone beside Julie Christie as Lara is impossible!  I mean, just look--

                               I mean, come on--how does one surpass that?????????????????

                               I nearly flipped out the other night when I saw the advertisement for this show, with the most pallid Zhivago and Lara I have seen this side of first year acting students!   And the nerve--the sheer NERVE of them--to use Maurice Jarre's now classic "Lara's Theme" for the ad!!!!!!!!!  What I want to know is--where did they get the rights?????????

                               These idiots have no business bringing any of these movie classics to the stage. With "Doctor Zhivago," it is sheer crust!  When will everyone stop thinking that just because "Les Miserables" succeeded, every epic novel can be adapted as a musical????????????

                                "Doctor Zhivago's" goose is cooked before it hits the boards!

                                 And if I see "An American In Paris," I will let you girls know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 But don't bet on these being long runs or TONY Winners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Have GOT To See This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 This is a photo of Sherry Vine, a drag artist, doing Lady Gaga's "Telephone" parody, with another performer, Peppermint, as Beyonce. Which reminds me, that Beyonce bitch still hasn't called me yet about lunch--I even told her I'd be willing to eat at Burger King, which is really lowering the standards. for me!!!!!!!!--so what the hell is her excuse?

                                   Now, Christine Pedi's parody is by far the best, but this captures something of what I at least feel like my life should be, these days.  Or be more like, at least!

                                    But this has got to be seen, girls!  It is one for the books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, Ben, You Should Have Stayed Literary Editor, At "Harper's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                           Now, girls, I have to confess--I have not been in a good frame of mind, lately, for reasons I cannot discuss, right now, on this blog.  Except to say there is no "Trouble In Paradise"--my beloved and I are still very much in love, and it is especially during this trying time that I am grateful each day for having him.  Which I would be, regardless.

                               All of this is by way of leading up to the fact that my reading ability and concentration have suffered, which means I really am upset.  But, upset or not, my reaction to Ben Metcalf's first novel, "Against The Country," would be the same--back to you day job, Ben!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Why is it so many ersatz writers think they can compete with James Joyce?????  They can't.  Metcalf's novel is a rambling series of essays that tell the story of an economically deprived family in rural Virginia, while also serving as a rant criticizing American society.  Basically, the omniscient author blames everyone but himself for his family's ills.  Ho hum.

                                Just who the hell is this Ben Metcalf, anyway?  His credentials are impeccable--Literary Editor at "Harper's," teaching at Columbia--but this does not necessarily a writer make.  Methinks, since I cannot find any photos of him, or that none appear on the book jacket, he sees himself also as Thomas Pynchon or Salinger!!!!!!!!!!!  Come on, you have got to be kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Some of you may recall my less than praiseworthy review of last year's Southern novel, "Fourth Of July Creek."  Well, next to Metcalf's book, it is a masterpiece; at least the story was compelling, and kept me reading  The formulae may have been overused , but it was harmless and enjoyable.

                                     Metcalf's book was not.  It had all the texture of yesterday's mashed potatoes.

                                     My best advice to him--don't EVER write another book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   

Liza Checks Into Rehab, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Liza Minnelli checking into rehab, girls, is like me taking a vacation!  This time, though, it is really Liza, not  Christine Pedi, pictured above, though I would bet you anything, dolls, Christine uses this as grist for further developments in her Liza act!  So, she gets pictured her!

                                   Poor Liza!  Once she was on top as a gay icon, now she has become a faded remnant of what once was one.  A kind of New Age Norma Desmond!  Liza outlived her mother, but, really, what good did it do?  The poor thing can't stand on a chair, has no voice, and is now better represented by another performer, much her junior.  What has the world come to?

                                     But things can change, as Liza reminded us, in her classic song, "Maybe This Time!" So, let's listen to this song, as we wish Liza the best!

                                       And you better visit her, Beyonce, you bitch!  Call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When The Going Gets Rough. Girls, Let's Go To A Club Luncheon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Here's what I am going to do, my darlings!  I am going to get all dolled up, in one of my most colorful--and flamboyant--outfits, and go to a club luncheon. Drink, joke, gossip with the girls, see if I can get that goddamn Beyonce on the phone, and have myself a carefree day!!!!!!!!!!  No use getting all uptight,like Frieda Inescourt as Lady Jane Ainsley!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being like that will get you nowhere, darlings!  Besides, the club Lady Jane would walk into would be so snooty, it wouldn't bear mentioning!  Like infiltrating a conference of repressed lesbians!!!!!!!!!!

Besides, you know I like my atmosphere more Diana Vreeland!  So that means color and glamour, dolls, not spinster regalia.  Or lack thereof.  Glamour..for real!  Like Babe Paley!!!!!!!!!

But what to wear, darlings?  How about 'Tippi' Hedren's green outfit and coiffure, darlings????????

And I want to see my beloved Cujo, too!

So the day is on!!!!!!  See you at luncheon, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor "Aisha!" Everybody Was Getting Slapped On "The Slap" Last Night, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Last night was Aisha's turn to air her viewpoint, and it opened with a highly dramatic flashback of the night Sandi, played brilliantly by Marin Ireland, pulled up at Aisha's and Hector's place, in a car, years back, badly beaten and battered by pig husband, Harry.

                            But Aisha had her own battles to fight. How to help a young patient addicted to crystal meth, and is HIV positive.  How to avoid having an affair, thereby turning into the "old Aisha," who must have been, despite her brilliance, quite a wild one, in her day.  And how about Hector telling her about Connie, whereupon she lies and says she slept with the guy at the conference, when she did not. (Though she does, in the book!)

                             Everyone was getting it from all sides last night. You know who Hector and Aisha left their kids with????????  Anouk!!!!!!!!!!!!   How sound was that?????????????

                                Good for Aisha refusing to back down on Rosie.  Even the sleazy lawyer played by Michael Nouri, knows, with Harry's temper, they could lose the case.  I hope they do.

                                 Meanwhile, things aren't too Rosie, over at Rosie's. Gary delivers a monologue where he asks Rosie to just stop, because he is beginning to recognize they are not doing their best as parents to Hugo.  He takes a mentor like interest in Richie--he has connections at the New School, where there is a great BFA program in photography--and would help Richie get in there, or anywhere he wishes. He does not want to see a decent kid like Richie dragged into their mess.  Rosie wants his pictorial evidence.  Who is to say what goes?

                                  But next week, darlings, is "Rosie's" turn, and I am telling you, you do NOT want to miss THAT. It is the episode those of us aligned with Rosie have been waiting to see.

                                   Go, Rosie!  But poor Aisha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's The First Day Of Spring Girls, So What The Hell Gives??????????????

                          The swallows supposedly returned to Capistrano two days ago, and Proserpina is said to return from Hell today, but you would never know it, from the weather today. Guess Pluto is still hot for his Proserpina and does not want to let her go.

                              But Demeter needs her up here now, to bring color and joy to the pallid Earth. After the winter we have had, we deserve Spring, but it seems like it is never coming.

                               This picture reminds me of Spring down by the brook near my house, in Highland Park, New Jersey.

                                 So, Happy Spring to all, if only we could feel its presence!

                                  Meanwhile, I am still trying to process "Aisha" from "The Slap" last night, and I promise to discuss that with you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, "Frankenhooker" Is Too Priceless A Film For Me To Wait To See!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           When Patty Mullen was cast in the pivotal role in "Frankenhooker," back in 1990, I bet she thought she had won the role of a lifetime!  If only that had been true.  The film, which I have yet to see, but have simply GOT to, has been a cult favorite, for over a quarter century; just what I basically know about it demands that it be seen!

                             Hormonally over charged (ie; horny) teen mad scientist, Jeffrey Franklin (ahhhhhhh!) loses his fiance, Elizabeth, in a horrible car accident.  She is decapitated, and he has her head, but no body. He wants to put her back together, so he concocts a scheme where he murders hookers for their individual body parts--which ones have the best, guess!!!!!!!!--so that he can put Elizabeth back together--head glued on??????--in the best possible........uhm.......form!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              As if this were not enough, there are two other things once should know about this film, before seeing it. It takes place in New Jersey, and Jeffrey's mother is played by Louise Lasser!!!!!!!!!    New Jersey plus Louise Lasser adds up to some serious issues, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I mean, look how trampy she looks on the subway!  Who could tell the difference from whomever rides today?  I love the scene where she asks this old geezer if he wants a date--twitching, squeaking, making electronic sounds--and the old geezer says "YES!!!!!!!!!"  What desperation will get you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I don't know who to feel more sorry for--Frankenhooker, or the geezer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And poor Patty Mullen!!!!!!!!!! What ever happened to her??????????????

Girls, Can You Believe It Has Been Exactly Fifty Years, Since This Opened On Broadway?????????????????

                               Yesterday, girls I was talking to my actor friend, James, who played Sergio Franchi's son in the original production!  When he said the show was fifty years old this year, I thought, "Well, that's nice; it opened sometime this year; time to commemorate it.  What I did not realize was that half a century ago tonight--March 18, 1965--is when it actually opened, at the 46th Street Theatre.

                                Years before, Arthur Laurents wrote a moderately successful play, "The Time Of The Cuckoo," with Shirley Booth, that became the even more successful David Lean 1955 film, "Summertime," starring Katherine Hepburn, Rosanno Brazzi, and the entire city of Venice in glorious Fifties technicolor!  Wow! True romantics and Theater Queens swooned, so, when, ten years later, the film was musicalized as "Do I Hear A Waltz?," the same flurry occurred again. Theater Queens just swooned over Elizabeth Allen and Sergio Franchi, not to Madeline Sherwood, Stuart Damon, and Carol Bruce!  When do you see show casts like that, now, darlings????  Well, maybe now, at "On The Twentieth Century," but believe me, THAT is an exception.

                                  The score is lovely, and the title tune has always been a favorite!  Let me see if I can find one for you!

                                   Here it is!  I could not get the Original Cast for you, but Eydie Gorme knew how to sell a song, and she helped make the song a hit!  So, listen to her!

                                     And Theater Queens all over town are going through their unused CD collections tonight, to uncover, and rediscover, this oft long forgotten show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Who Knew Annette and Darlene Were Jealous Of Each Other?????????????

                                  When it came to the Mouseketeers on "The Mickey Mouse Club," Annette and Darlene were the Bette and Joan of the set.  What I cannot understand is--why would anyone want to be Darlene?  Before Hayley Mills arrived on the Disney scene, I, of course, wanted to be Annette.  As for the Mouseketeers,  all the boys wanted to get their hands on her, as she had the best tits, while Darlene and the other girls wished they had some of what Annette had.  And who knows, maybe some of those girl Mouseketeers were future lesbians, who wanted to get their hands on Annette, too!!!!!!!!!

                                    Now, Darlene was supposed to be the NICE one!  But the way her life spun  out of control with drugs and theft, being a convicted felon, and being legally represented by--of all people--her own sister, Gina, now a lawyer, who played the child Blanche ("I won't forget. You BET I won't forget!") at the start of "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?"  Darlene has had it rough, but is still alive, while Annette has gone to her reward, loved.  When Darlene goes, it could be via a flutter of bullets, like the end of "Bonnie And Clyde"

                                    Just watch, girls, and see what is in store for Darlene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    So, why would anyone have wanted to be her?  What was there to get jealous about?

"Oh, The Days Of The Kerry Dancers, Oh The Ring Of The Piper's Tune!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          Here we are, girls, another St. Patrick's Day, to a happy one to all, even if you are not Irish.  What will it be?  "The Quiet Man?"  The Original Cast album of "Finian's Rainbow," or the first 25 minutes of Coppola's (yes, Francis Ford!!!!!!!!!!) film version, which is its most magical part????????/

                           Or will you be like Monsieur and I, as we settle for corned beef and cabbage.  That is what we are planning tonight, because the NY Parade is too much, and it will be the perfect end to the day. Especially if it includes a little Bailey's over ice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Which is even more scrumptious over vanilla ice cream, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Happy St. Patrick's Day to all, from our house, and you know who!!!!!!!!

Erin Go Bragh, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice Jewish Boy Finds Mary's Head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             A month or so back, you may recall, during the Long Winter, how we were leaving for work one morning, when Monsieur discovered that the head of the Virgin Mary statue standing center in our courtyard was missing.  Now that the hope of Spring is arriving, and we can actually see the courtyard, we were actually going someplace the other day, when David ventured onto the area, and discovered that the head was lying next to the statue!

                              So, Mary's head has not been lost after all!!!!!!!!!!

                              The next step is to let our doorman, Charlie, know, as it was he who put the statue there.  The next is for David to find a way to glue it back on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Spring is coming, and with it, a miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                I am telling you, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Who Knew????????? Liza Minnelli and Larry King Did Their Best To Save The Theater District's Beloved Cafe Edison!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Actually, darlings, that is Christine Pedi, as Liza, who, as I keep saying seems, these days to be more Liza than Liza herself!  With her is Michael West, as Larry King, who is probably better than King himself, so it is good Larry himself did not step in for this!

                              The Cafe Edison is gone.  But what it was will linger in our hearts and minds, and what you will see here, girls, will help cement that!  And how about Jackie Hoffman as the waitress???????????????

                               Really, if I had known about this, and gotten it out earlier, I think the Cafe Edison would still be here!

                                Who knows?  Maybe this will help bring it back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wolf Is SO Cute, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         I've always loved wolves, darlings!  Not the ones I dated, but the real ones; who are so cute, and regal looking.  Which is why one of my favorite breeds has always been Siberian Huskies, who are so gorgeous and wolf like, but are really quite sweet and affectionate.  Just like my big Boxer friend, Cujo!!!!!!!!!!!

                      "Cry Of The Werewolf" was one of the iconic films of my childhood, which I would watch on TV!!!!!!!  Let's start with Nina Foch--in her second movie; her debut was in another Columbia horror effort, "The Return Of The Vampire, with Bela Lugosi, and the unforgettable Frieda Inescourt, who just about steals the show--as Gypsy Princess, Celeste, daughter of New Orleans werewolf Marie La Tour, and Blanche Yurka--remember her as Aunt Bernarde in "The Song Of Bernadette?????????"--as Bianca, her sort of adoptive mother.  Today, that would probably be Beyonce!!!!!!!!

                         I thought this film had been lost forever, and I always wanted to see it again!  Well, girls, seek and ye shall find!  It is on You Tube--all 62 minutes and 57 seconds of it!  Which is its full length!!!!!!!!!  And seeing it again is a revelation!

                          First, bits and pieces, easily recognizable, from Columbia's score from "The Return Of The Vampire," are used throughout!  Maybe the entire score, though it was impossible to fully judge!  But I did recognize certain sections!

                           Second, I had forgotten the film was set in New Orleans!  But if you are looking for the New Orleans of "American Horror Story," forget it!  This is Columbia back lot New Orleans, and this city is not so crescent looking.  At times, it feel like outtakes from "Father Knows Best!"

                             Then, there is the opening, with John Abbott, as museum guard, Peter Althius.  You can tell this one was turned out quickly and cheaply, because the writers did not do a bit of research, so when Peter starts his tour lecture, talking about "werewolfism," instead of "lycanthropy," and "voodooism," instead of, simply, "voodoo," I knew the writers really didn't know what they were doing.

                               Nina Foch and Blanche Yurka knew, but they are not given, really, strong enough scenes, to show their gifts.  Blanche has the capacity to steal the show, but only is allowed to deliver assuring bromides, suggesting she only took the job because Maria Ouspenskaya, whom they probably wanted, in the first place, turned this down, saying, "Oh no!  Not another gypsy woman role!"  Can't blame Maria!  But Blanche deserved better!

                                Nina looks great, but all she is called upon to do is look menacing and speak in softly, ominous tones.  The real stars of "Cry Of The Werewolf" are the costumer, cinematographer, and editor.  Like "The Return Of the Vampire," this is an extremely visual film; I think Columbia was trying to replicate here the horror films of Val Lewton, because very little of the wolf is seen!  Shadow, sounds, screams--all suggestive, and in some ways more terrifying than if made today, where you would see the wolf tear out the victim's throat as he or she scream their death agonies.  So, this part of the film is brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                But, in the ends, darlings, the cute wolf steals the show!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Can you believe it?  It actually upstages Blanche Yurka!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                If you have the time, darlings, see for yourselves!  Here is the ENTIRE movie!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Can You Beleive It Is Already The Ides Of March!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             This day has such cultural associations, darlings, and it generally gets a bad rap!  Yes, it is the Ides Of March, and yes, there is that whole Julius Caesar thing, but Theater Queens,  know better, and certainly know how to put a positive spin on things, especially with their Original Cast Albums.

                                Do you know what show opened on this day?  Not just ANY show; with "A Chorus Line,: probably one of the two most important musical shows of the Twentieth Century.

                                  Are you ready? Here is the answer!

                                   That is right, darlings!  "My Fair Lady " opened 58 years ago this very day, and made theater history, at the Mark Hellinger, when it was actually still a theater!  Alas, what the world has come to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    So, let's stop making the Ides Of March such a negative day, darlings!  Listen to the perfection of one of the greatest musical overtures written, knowing full well that  the producers decided to open on this day, to go against those negative connotations!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     You do the same, girls!!!!!!!!  Happy March 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!