Girls, Not One, But Two! Two!!!!!!!!!!!!! Two Sets Of Bosoms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          My dears, if you have never seen 1958's "Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman," there isn't a better time to do so, as "Svengoolie" is showing this gem, tonight at 8.

                                             Alliison Hayes plays Nancy Archer, a former mental patient, who looks like some harridan out of a Joan Didion novel.  She wants her husband Harry, but he would rather take up with town slut Honey Parker, who has her own individual brothel above the local bar.  I mean, darlings, it is a REALLY small town.

                                                 One night, coming home from a drinking binge, Nancy sees a giant global sphere, radiating white, and a giant, white looking man emerges from the ship and approaches her.  From then on, things are never the same.  Nancy morphs into a sexual bombshell, the real Allison Hayes, with bosoms galore.  But Yvette Vickers, as Honey Parker, has some bosoms of her own, too.

                                                     This movie sealed Yvette's career.  Whenever a film called for an actress to play a slut, Yvette was called and was ready.

                                                       The film has any number of classic lines.  The best is when Nancy, now giant-sized stalks through the town, crying out, "I know where my husband is; he's with that woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Then Yvette, before she is crushed, cowers under a table, screaming, "Haaaaaaary, what's gooooooooooooing onnnnnnnnn?"  Then she is crushed under the table by debris.

                                                              They really knew how to make classic crap, back in the day.  You owe it to yourselves to see this campy gem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                 Oh, yes, one more thing.

                          Eileene Stevens' performance as the hysterical nurse defines hysteria.  This role should have made her career; instead, it became her career. Until three years later, when Veronica Cartwright supplanted her in "The Children's Hour," Stevens' performance was the gold standard for film hysteria!!!!!!!!!!

                               Really, girls, you should see it.  Cancel all plans, stay home, and watch!

                              See you at 8PM, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today Should Be Declared "Follies" Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Fifty-four years ago, this evening, at the Winter Garden Theatre, currently represented by the dreck that is "Good Night, And Good Luck." the curtain went up on my all-time favorite of the Harold Prince-Stephen Sondheim collaborations, "Folles."  Until "A Chorus Line" came along, also choreographed by Michael Bennett, this was the most artistically successful concept musical of all time.

                                           And the cast!  Alexis Smith, Dorothy Collins, Gene Nelson, John McMartin, Yvonne De Carlo, Ethel Shutta, Mary McCarthy, Victoria Mallory....my God, a cast like this could never afford to be assembled like this again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             How about the songs?  "The Girls Upstairs," the haunting "In Buddy's Eyes," the devastating "The Road You Didn't Take," the chilling "Too Many Mornings," and the apocalyptic "Losing My Mind."  Every song in this score is a gem, which cannot be said of today's musicals.

                                               I have seen five productions of "Follies," unfortunately not the original, and while each may have varied in quality, the integrity of the score was preserved.

                                                Then there was the number that blew the roof off the Winter Garden on opening night and continued to do so throughout the show's original run.

                                  Here is the original "Follies" cast, performing "Who's That Woman?"

                            And here is how haunting and chilling "Too Many Mornings" was.

                           Happy "Follies" Day, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, How About Some Christian Lacroix?????????????

                       Spring is here, darlings, and that means color, excitement and a blossoming of fashion.  I know my closet could do with some Christian Lacroix, but how about the rest of you out there????????

                       This pattern would be perfect for a dress or living room.  Imagine wearing it and having it on the wall at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Isn't this number a delightful one, darlings? And the sweet little boo boo!  I think our foyer would look perfect like this, and for anyone who has a foyer, why not??????????????

                              And look at this. Patterns everywhere! Nothing like the right patterns arranged in the right way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think this would look great in the dining room, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Ah, Spring!  When the world changes colors--for the better!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Why not change your interiors, with some Christian Lacroix, loves?????????????????

This Show Is No "SMASH," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          I am so sick of the redundancy in today's Broadway musicals.  They all look, sound and feel the same.  Color and glitz don't do it anymore; what I want is substance and originality. As Madame Armfeldt said in "A Little Night Music,"  "Where's discretion of the heart, where's passion in the art, where's craft?"

                                         All are missing from "SMASH," which is expected to open at the Imperial Theatre, but who knows how long it will run?  I bet it does not last until the TONY Awards.  The show is about a show within a show making a musical comedy about Marilyn Monroe.  Girls, are you confused?  You should be.

                                          "SMASH" has an array of talented artists floundering in a vehicle going nowhere.  The recent opera of "Moby Dick" at the MET probably had more resonance.

                                              What it has is a group of immensely talented artists trapped inside a black box of a stage, like the victims in "Attack Of The Puppet People."  To be sure, for Theater Queens and insiders like me, I knew the references and who was based on whom.  For instance, Brooks Ashmanskas, who plays Nigel, the director, is based on Walter Bobbie, whose career imploded when he drove "Chicago" understudy Jeff Loeffelholz to suicide.  And Krysta Rodriguez, playing co-writer Tracy, is desperately trying to replicate either Priscilla Lopez or Laurie Beechman.  Then there is the lead, Robyn Hurder, who spends the entire show replicating......Robyn Hurder.  It is not entirely her fault, because the choreographer, Joshua Bergasse, replicates so many of the steps and moves from Michael Bennett's "A Chorus Line" I think Baayork Lee and John Breglio, who controls the Bennett estate, should march down to the Imperial, demanding the show be shut down, or overhauled.  

                                                  All of this is not surprising, since Robyn Hurder is one of the best of our recent Cassies; I saw her do the role at the City Center Gala, several years back, and while no one is Donna McKechnie, she did a wonderful job.  But so many of her moves, especially the arms, are reminiscent of that show, it is like she is doing "A Chorus Line" all over again, and the company is trying frantically to stage its opening number.  If I WANT to see "A Chorus Line," I WILL see "A Chorus Line," not some hackneyed replication.

                                                    To think Susan Stroman, a choreographer herself, directed this mess.  I can see this show nailing the head on her career coffin.

                                                    Oh, and of course the latest thing is using video and social media, which "SMASH" takes full advantage of.  Maybe I am old fashioned, but I prefer moving music and dramatic substance to media gimmicks in a show which does not need them.

                                                     Back to nails driven into coffins.  Shows like "SMASH" and others seen this season, are driving nails into the coffin of musical theater.  I fear for its extinction.

                                                      Ernest Hemingway was an overrated writer, but he said it right, here--

                                                      "Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

                                                     

Oh, Girls, We Have To Talk About Betty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I really had high hopes for "Boop! The Musical," now at the Broadhurst.  It is colorful, laced with generic choreography and has a star turning performance by Jasmine Amy Rogers in the title role.  But David Foster and Susan Birkenhead give it a lackluster score, and Bob Martin's book goes on for far too long, and there is no real story.  

                                              The show starts out promisingly, immersed in the black-and-white world, superbly recreated by David Rockwell's sets and George Barnes' costumes.  I was anticipating a sophisticated romp back to the Twenties and Thirties, the era of Betty Boop herself, and had the creators stayed with that they might have had a halfway decent show.  Hell, with that concept and a classic score, they might have created the greatest cartoon musical since "Annie."

                                                  Alas, no.

                                                 Because Betty gets in Grandpa's time machine where she is transported to 2025, and cannot figure out how she fits in.  Ho hum.  Angelica Hale's performance livens things up a bit, but I would rather have had the 2025 characters transported to Betty Boop's world.  My eyes nearly popped out of my head when this Jennifer Coolidge impersonating woman walks out on stage--and David told me it was Faith Prince!  He was right!  Oh, Faith, what has happened?  A girl has to work, I suppose,

                                                     All the color and glitz cannot make up for the lack of fun.

                                                       But I know what you girls want to know--

                                                        Yes, Pudgy is in it; actually, he steals the show!

                                                         And, yes, Betty says "Boop boop a boop!" at the beginning and the end.

                                                           Had she just done that, it might have been a fun evening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Sad Anniversary, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        Right away, this month challenges me.  Today is the 46th anniversary of my mother's death. I know that sounds like a lifetime, but I can remember back to when I was 24--I am now 70--and when it happened.

                          Two things I remember most.  First, I was just getting out of bed--it was around 8AM, when the phone rang.  I just knew this was it.  My father confirmed that a few minutes later, but what sticks in my head the most was that the radio was playing a song I never like from the start, but hereon in would hate forever--"Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro.

                             The second was going to the hospital to collect things.  My father stopped at the nurse's station, while I went on to her room.  The body had not yet been removed, so there I was, and there she was, as I looked death in the face. It was not pretty, and I recall both these moments to this day.

                                I still wonder what would have happened had my mother lived longer.  Would I have continued in Highland Park, or would I have moved to New York?  How would my mother have dealt with it; my father did pretty well, but I am not so sure about her.

                                My father would have had an altogether different retirement from what he had in Florda, because my mother was never going to go there.  And I was with her on that. But her passing allowed him to go to Florida, making for a peaceful transition into old age.

                                The image I hold most dear is me in our television room, reading, when my mother's car pulls up in front of the house, and, atop a love seat by the right front windows, our poodle, Baby Mouse, alerted us excitedly to my mother having arrived home.

                                   How I miss Mother, Daddy, Nana and Baby Mouse.  And so many others.  May God have mercy on my tormented soul and unite me with them all when my time comes.

                                     I think I have said enough, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"In An April Dream, Once You Came To Me................."

                            That is right, darlings.  Today is April Fools Day, where we ask ourselves whether or not we are just April Fools.  Or even April's Fools.

                             This is a tough month for me, personally.  Tomorrow, I go to the dentist, which is bad enough, but it also happens to be the 46th anniversary of my mother's death.  One never forgets especially as I was so emotionally young at the time, though I was 24. The next day marks the year anniversary of my friend, Steve, who suffered a terrible, cancerous death.  Saturday is the year anniversary of my fall on Ovington Avenue that nearly sent me to the hospital.  As well as the anniversary of the passing of my sister's husband.  April 22 is the anniversary--47 years, just one year before her daughter--of my maternal grandmother.

                              So, April is not exactly a great month for me or our family.  T. S. Eliot, in his opening to his poetic masterwork, "The Waste Land," remarked that it is the "cruelest month," and I agree.

                              But there is also Easter, the annual screening of "The Song Of Bernadette," and this coming Thursday, we are seeing the Broadway musical "Smash."  Will it be such?  I will let you know.

                               And I have so much to write about that I did not get to in March, so perhaps this will help to distract me from the malaise that is April.

                                For the rest of you, I wish a happy, sunny and bright April.

                                 Think of Judy Garland and Fred Astaire doing "When The Midnight Train Leaves For Alabam," in 1948's "Easter Parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                   Happy April, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!