Girls, Let's ALL Be The New Year's Baby!!!!!!!!

Girls, we just wanna stay young, and there is no better time to acknowledge this than on New Years Eve when the clock strikes midnight and we pop out naked as the New Year's Baby. Let's face it, who the hell wants to see Old Man Time naked????? If you were Old Man Time--which none of us reading this are, dear--would you want to be seen naked? Would you even want to see yourself naked???? Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But a bouncy naked New Year's Baby can be loved by all, so darlings start 2008 right by parading naked in your living room and celebrating your emancipation of eternal youth!!! Because no matter what the New Year holds it has to start right!!!!!!

So let's all make an agreement, girls, this year we are ALL going to be the New Year's Baby!!!!!!!

Darlings, We LOVE Mother Ginger!!!!!!

There is nothing quite like Mother Ginger and Her Polshinelles. And they were on display last night at the NYC Ballet's 2000th performance of "The Nutcracker" since my birth year 1954. Girls, I am telling you, there is nothing like it. To float off on a bed of dreams after your Christmas tree has grown to size, to dance with a nutcracker who turns into a handsome prince!
Girls, I want to be carried off to the Land of Sweets where my Nutcracker turns into a handsome prince named Jake Gyllenhaal. MMMMMMMM!!!!!! Nothing swetter than that, darlings!

Christmas, New York, "The Nutcracker." Without, each would be inconceivable.

Have a lovely holiday, darlings, and may all your sweets be under the tree!!!!!!

Girls, What Is The Deal With Briony?????

Girls, we are so psyched for the opening of "Atonement" tomorrow, and darlings I am SO Briony! A country estate, social and sexual scandal, class difference--this story has everything that presses MY buttons, girls; they are popping off my blouse so fast in anticipation, girls, I will have to take them to the tailor.

People are getting all worked up over Briony; they practically want to burn her at the stake!!!!
Darlings, how many of us would not do the same thing in her position. And for that matter, Robbie was not SO innocent. A person of the lower social order--the housekeeper's son, for Heaven's sake--and here he is trying to infiltrate himself into their world by sexually absconding with Cecilia. THIS, after the Tallises paid for his education!!!!!

Darlings, in my world it is just NOT done. This would have been like if back in Highland Park one of the denizens from Goat Alley had tried to work their way onto the North Side. If Briony had been acting for these reasons, I would have cheered her on, but the rest of "Atonement" does not support this. Briony acts the way she did out of youthful indiscretion, and who, with the exception of moi, is NOT guilty of that? But the way people cry "poor Robbie!" He was an opportunisitc upstart who knew what he was doing when he set out to conquer Cecilia. He was not just trying to buy her affections, he was trying to buy himself into her world....a crime for which I can NOT forgive him!

Girls, I cannot wait. Have you seen Keira in the green gown??? I want to wear it!!! I should look so good on my BEST day. Sweeties, after a screening of "Atonement," we should all fly
British airways to London, shop at Harrods, buys books at Hinscher's, have tea at Brown's and dinner at Simpson's!!!!!

See you at the movies, girls!!!!!!

Girls, We Are All On A Voyage Of Literary Discovery!

Girls, such news!!! Today the NYTimes realeased its ten best books list of 2007 and I am telling you such surprises. Now I can't for the life of me what was on the non-fiction list--something about Iraq, I think--but I can tell you what the fiction picks were--

1.Man Gone Down by Michael Thomas
2.Out Stealing Horses
3.The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano
4.Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris
5.Tree of Smoke by Denis Johnson

I mean, who ever heard of the first two titles? But, girls, if the Times says it is, it is, and so we will read them. The Johnson book won the National Book Award which makes sense, and the Joshua Ferris novel, while good is simply this year's Flavor Of The Month--the young writer the critics like to tout as a Voice each year; the Times has been doing this since 1972 with Joyce Maynard (groan!) and Ferris is this year's choice. He is a better writer than Joyce--so would b monkey be--but his novel did not smack to me of awards calibre. But then no one important listens to my voice, darling, except when it comes to blow jobs, which is why I have this blog, where I can reign supreme!!!!

Sweethearts, we have lots of reading to do over the holiday season if we are going to make 100 books read--I am only up to 88 at this point--so I must do some reading. And as for my friend Vincent who poohs poohs my fiction out of envy--darling I am on a voyage of literary discovery.

So get on the boat, girls and start traveling. Meanwhile I am going to curl up with "The Meaning of Night" by Michael Cox--a surprise delight for those of us who love excursions into Victorianna!

Happy Reading, Girls!!!!

Girls, I Can't Help It If I Am SO Fabulous!!!!!!

"Little brat!
That's what my sister was, a little brat!
And that's why I shaved her head,
I'm glad I shaved her head!"
--Patricia Garland as Judy Turner in "A Chorus Line" (1975)


Girls, how can I convey to you what my week has been like. Everything from a weekend baby christening with the most behaved infant in the world contrasted by the brattiest male toddler this side of Damien The Omen, a birthday celebration, family drama with potential trips to the hospital and health spills....and then you wonder why I am exhausted??? And then to hear all
the Christmas classics ALREADY!!!! It is just too soon!

But Thanksgiving was perfectly low key, with companionship, a lovely movie--Disney's "Enchanted" where Susan Sarandon plays the Wicked Queen all us gay men dream of being, and a lovely dinner at a lovely restaurant. Yes girls the silent movie portion of 2007 is in full gear, which means that from now till things come to a screeching halt on January 2 we are on the go--shopping, socials, drinks, edibles, parties parties parties....it is enough to give one pause.

And then the Sam episode on "Cold Case." Girls, I am telling you it is what could have happened to me in adolescence had I acted up. Instead I nurtured decades of bitterness and resentment that I am only beginning to work out now. Makes me want to investigate "Boys Don't Cry" again, or at least "Children of the Corn," where I would have loved to chop up some of the adults in my home town, especially the trash denizens of Goat Alley and Mrs. Santamarina. If she is still alive I hope she chokes!!!!!

Girls, I am such a Holiday Bitch! But it is all in the name of love and compassion and the milk of human kindness just flows in my veins! You are all so cute, my darlings! Stay tuned to this blog for a complete account of ther 2007 Holiday Season--the only truthful and accurate one out there!

Or else I will force feed you all unsweetned oatmeal, like Tallulah Bankhead in "Die! Die! My Darling!"

Girls, We Have So Many Exciting Career Options!

Teacher. Prostitute. Nurse. Secretary. Librarian. (Wait, don't let's go THERE! Don't even get me started!)

But there are two I want to call attention to for all my darlings--cocktail hostess and hat check girl!

You get to wear a strapped gown showing bare arms and cleavage, your make up done to perfection which you have learned since the days of yore at your Buddy Beauty Vanity by Marx, and you get to hob nob with shady male characters who will show you a good time! Girls, this is what we have all dreamed of!!!!! I mean, look what being a hat check girl did for Madonna! Forget business exectutive--these are the jobs that propel you to fame!

I want to be a hat check girl, and a dance hall hostess so I can star in my own revival of
"Sweet Charity." Girls, this is the program to get with! We are on the cutting edge!!!!!!

Girls, The Christimas Issue Of Victoria Is On The Stands!!!!

Girls, what is "Victoria.?" It is a magazine devoted to the elegance and style of gracious living. Perfect for all us darlings to curl up with in our flannel nighties and kerchiefs on cold winter nights as we sip tea and read our 19th century novels we keep by our bedside.

Of all the 12 issues the two most romantic and importnat are February and December--ie; Valentine's Day and Christmas. And with the advent of this event the holiday season is drawing near. The Rockefeller Center tree is in place. So is the Lincoln Center tree.

The only hit that comes out of this blog is moi, and that's ME, baby!!!! So get that issue, savor those goodies, light that yule log fire and curl up in an evening chair with the issue of "Victoria."

Girls, it will simply MAKE your holiday!!!!!