Alas, Girls, Another Indicator Of The Passing Of An Era!!!!!!!!!!!

When I found out this morning, the news really didn't surprise me, darlings. Ever since the December 3, 2010 death of restauranteur Elaine Kaufman, I wondered how long, Elaine's would continue, or even if it would. This morning I found out the famed eatery is shutting its doors forever on May 26. And with it goes another part of New York City history, irreplaceable, whose legacy will be consigned only to quick shots in several earlier Woody Allen movies.

Elaine's, the restaurant, was one place I never thought would die. So, of course, I put off and put off going. It would always be around, I thought. I almost feel like I have betrayed my girls. I, who wanted to bring you via here, the glamour and allure of New York--and have, loves!!!--missed one of the high spots. A hangout for literary and artistic types, which God knows I am. The whole Woody Allen thing. You did not go to Elaine's for the food--same with Sardi's--but to see and be seen. And now that opportunity will never come to pass. True, I could walk in there during its last days, but how sad would that be, and without Elaine.

I have learned my lesson. If "The Fantasticks" could end its original run, if Elaine's could close, maybe Sardi's is not that far behind. I had better get there pronto.

At my own, red banquetted table, of course! With my picture hanging above!!!!!!!!

See you there, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Quincy Magoo Would Be Appalled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my girls of a Certain Age, I do not have to explain who Quincy Magoo was. One of the most popular animated figures of our childhoods, whose "Christmas Carol," with its Styne-Merrill score, and Alistair Sim's version, defined adapting Dickens's story for posterity. When I was in fourth grade, and first told I would have to wear eyeglasses, because I was nearsighted, the first thing that went through my head was, "My God, I'm like Mr. Magoo."

I still have my Mr. Magoo pin which my Uncle Jack gave me as a child. Eventually, we all came to realize that Magoo was voiced by an actor named Jim Backus. By the time I first saw him, as Thurston Howell on "Gilligan's Island," it was impossible to look at Backus without seeing Magoo. The two seemed to be one.

What some may not remember is that Mr. Magoo was an alumnus of Rutgers University!!!! The class of 1903, or "ought-three," as he would say, to be specific.
This year has set new standards for the University, and that is NOT a compliment. I am sure Magoo is turning in his grave. The Tyler Clementi thing alone would have been enough. But have you heard the latest, girls????????????

For its Commencement Ceremonies, the Speakers Committee wanted to hire--are you ready?--"Jersey Shore's" no talent wannabe, Snookie!!!!! Why??????? Is this the image of the state they want to put forth???? After the Clementi debacle (which still has not fully played out yet) you would think they would be walking on egg shells, trying to maintain a good image!!!!!!!! And THIS is how they do it??????
I mean, if they wanted a Jersey Girl, what is the matter with Meryl Streep????????

However, as Bette Davis once said, it gets better!!!!! I guess someone got to the committee the idea that having Snooki was not such a good idea, so they went with a more apt choice--writer/poet Maya Angelou, author of the widely read "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings," and second only to Toni Morrison as America's prime Afro American Woman of Letters. But--did you know that they were going to offer her less, payment wise, for speaking, than Snooki??????????? Again, is Rutgers trying to destroy itself??????? Hopefully, by now this situation has been rectified, as Maya should be the high priced one. Snooki might be good for cutting the ribbon on the opening of a brand new Jersey fast food emporium, but to speak at the State University??????? As Yvonne Elliman as Mary Magdalene once said, "I never thought I'd come to this! What's it all about?"

Poor Mr. Magoo!!!!! I shudder to think which windows he might crash into today, driving along College Avenue. It would be both an accident and an act of civil disobedience.

Let us hope in the intervening passage of time, Rutgers makes wiser, more judicious decisions than they have shown this year, and in the past. Their track record is spotty, and if they don't wake up, people will air their dissatisfaction by decreased endowments and enrollments.

Did you know Rutgers was once the subject of a Broadway musical???? None other than the Jule Styne 1954 classic "High Button Shoes," with choerography by Jerome Robbins. Bring Rutgers back to its glory days!!!!! Do NOT upset Mr. Magoo!!!!!!!

I may just wear that pin in protest, darlings!!!!!!!! Make sure all your garnets are shiny and pristine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweeties, Isn't YouTube The Greatest???????????????

Well, girls, now that the coroner's report is officially in on the death of 50's sex icon Yvette Vickers--she died of natural causes, most specifically, heart failure, and she WAS 82--it is time to think about those film festivals, honoring her. At least we know now she was not 14, as she claimed, in "Sunset Boulevard," but 22, which would make more sense.

But getting back to the film festival idea, some of the programmers in this town are so shoddy, and their film knowledge so spotted, they would not know Yvette Vickers from Yvette Mimiuex. I can hear them saying, "But they were both blondes."
Yeah, and so is your granny's chin hair!!!!!!!!!!

There is no need to get all worked up, darlings, because I am here to report that you can have your own, private, Yvette Vickers festival in your own home. And NO, I am not suggesting porn. Last night, I discovered that the 1959 Roger Corman classic, "Attack Of The Giant Leeches," all 62 minutes of it, is on YouTube.

Set in the Florida Everglades, this is the film where Yvette plays hot to trot swamp tramp Liz Walker. Poor Liz; I can relate. She is stuck in the backwater of the Everglades, where there is simply nothing to do. Not even a public library to take out books to read, though, I am telling you, girls, Liz is not the kind of gal who would frequent the town library, beyond its corner lamppost. And she wears the kind of clothes that just don't stay in one place when she moves curvaceously.
A girl just has to do something in this burg, so she carries on with local white trasher Cal Moulton (played by Michael Emmett). They just want to get together and do some canoodling whenever they can, especially right by the swamp ground where the leeches lurk. I am told, though I do not recall, that Yvette shows lots of flesh in this film; or, at least, as much as could be legitimately shown in 1959.

However, Liz's equally white trash husband, Dave (played by Bruno Ve Sota) catches up to the lovers, and here comes the classic scene I can still recall from my childhood viewing, the one this film is remembered for. Pointing a gun at the adulterous lovers, with the water sizzling and bubbling behind them, as the giant leeches (who, according to sources, are simply actors with Hefty trash bags on their heads) surface, awaiting fresh fare, as Dave forces Liz and Cal to walk backwards into the swamp, at gunpoint, until they are close enough for the giant leeches to maul them, which they do.

Darlings, I think this is Yvette's finest acting moment. Being forced to ruin her clingy, slutty dress is one thing, her hair another, but knowing that you are going to be eaten alive by giant leeches and there is nothing you can do about it--I swear, when this film was released in 1959, Meryl Streep was about 10 years old. I bet this made an impression on Meryl. Who knows, we might not have had Meryl, if it weren't for Yvette!!!!!!!! And being that she can do anything, I would love to see Meryl recreate this classic scene. If anyone can, she could!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you can see it for yourselves, girls!!!!!! Just go on to YouTube, type in the title (or Google it) and see a REAL trash classic, and learn why there has been such an outpouring of grief for the passing of Yvette.

Oh, by the way, the film was originally to be entitled "The Giant Leeches," as the poster indicated. But I have a feeling that, after her spectacular success as Honey Parker in '50 Foot Woman', when the producers had the good fortune to sign on Yvette, they added "Attack Of" to the title.

And despite what one may think this film is NOT about the Internal Revenue Service!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Five-Six-Seven-Eight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, darlings, I am not about to do "A Chorus Line," but, boy, I wish I could, because then I wouldn't be facing the issues I am now. The other day, while visiting the doctor, he did some impromptu blood work, which meant I had not fasted before. The good news was my PSA was normal, so no trouble there. My cholesterol, while needed to come down, was essentially the same. But there was something about my sugar level, suggesting while I was NOT diabetic, I need to watch out. I asked if I need to be on meds for this and they said, "Not yet!" Which indicated a future where I might be????????

Not if I can help it, girls. So I have to look for some kind of exeercise routine. I used to do Yoga, and am quite good, but it has been awhile, and I wondeer if I need something more strenuous--something between this and "A Chorus Line," but gentle enough for those like me who have had back.disc problems.

Once again I call upon all my girls out there for suggestons. I AM going to contact the Y about their Older Adults Program (do I qualify???) and their Diabetes Prevention Program (ditto!!!!!!!). MY problem is not sticking to a routine, it is finding the RIGHT ONE. And yes, NYC is full of options, but it IS possible to get overwhelmed. The only choice I do NOT want to make is Sophie's!!!!!!!!!

So if my girls out there have any suggestions, send them forth!!!!!!!!! Where is Donna McKechnie when I need her?????? Of course, I can always dance to the Cast Recording (and don't think I haven't already, especially "The Music And The Mirror') but I need some solid structure.

They want to test me again in 6 mos. But then I want to see some change!!!!!! Why can't we just stay young, girls??????????????????

See you out on the dance floor, darlings!!!!!!!

Another Anniversary, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, the older I get, the more difficult it is to keep track of time--it sneaks up on one. I just had an email from my sister, and my great nephew Alexander, whose birthday is Tueday, is having his kiddy party tomorrow. I thought he was going to be 4, but actually he will be 5!!!!!!!! Has it been that long already????? Which means he will be starting school in the Fall. Seems like yesterday my sister was raising her children, and now those chilren are raising theirs!!!!!!!!!

As if I need another indicator of how fast time goes, today marks 34 years I graduated from Seton Hall University. The first thing I want to say is how grateful I am for having been around this long, and seeing some of the amzing things I have seen. But I remember also how it was at that time.

At the tender age of 22, I had no idea what was in store for me. I had SOME idea of what I thought I wanted--literary fame in New York City, coupled with a house in the suburbs, a wife, and eight children. That is what I THOUGHT. Deep down, I only saw myself as getting some job in my home area, working for fifty years, moving from my parents house to an aprtment in the Ansonia on North Fifth and Raritan Avenues in Highland Park, New Jersey, and then bussing to NYC on weekends for social life and shows. Actually, in a way, that is pretty much what I am doing now, except it is from the other side--the New York side--of the Hudson.

But back then, the concept of actually being in my fifties was foreign and inconceivable!!!!!!!! When I turned 41, because up till then I had always had this premonition, from childhood, that I would die at 40, I figured, what is next for me?

And those early, post Seton Hall years were marred by a lot of family tragedy and disputes. I am just glad I still have pics of the event, especially for my mother's sake. I did not know, of course at the time, but within 23 months of this event, she would be gone. I knew how important it was to her that I graduated from college, and I am glad she lived to see it!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think either one of us could have guessed the present for me, as it is now!!!! But here I am, girls, 34 years out of college, with much to show for it!!!!!! Maybe a glass of wine this evening!!!!!!!!!!!

Or a Bloody Mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Are Not Going To Believe This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Mother!!!!!!!!!! Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Just days, darlings-days!--after I recount how Connecticut's Long Wharf is going to embark on a stage version of "Sophie's Choice", comes something even more ridiculous from the West Coast.

Sometime next year, at L.A.'s Geffen Playhouse (for David Geffen, I am sure!!!!!!!) there is going to be---ready?--s STAGE version of......."The Exorcist!!!!"

And some impressive talents are behind it. John Pielmier, who has been living off the proceeds of his only commerical hit from 30 years ago, "Agnes Of God," is penning the drama, thus returning to the sort of religious hysterics that made him famous in the first place, in the hope that lightning will strike twice. It won't, I can tell you, and if it comes to New York, can the city, let alone theatergoers, stand another 'Spider Man' type fiasco? Even if the director is John Doyle, praised in some quarters, but not mine, for his revisionist staging of "Sweeney Todd" (though I liked his "Company"), I really don't think this can fly, as, whether one regards the film as a classic or campfest, it is a lot to compete with. The movie has become iconic in our consciousness, and to redo, or undo that, is at very best a thankless task, one that should not even be done.

But theater is full of egotists, and these certainly will not be stopped. On one level, I have to say, if it comes to New York, I have GOT to see it. It could be the biggest horror flop since "Carrie The Musical," which I unfortunately did not get to see!!!!!!! On the other hand, I might not get to see this at all, because, if this does go through, I am telling you here and now--I WANT TO AUDITION FOR THE PART OF REGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I can say, "The sow is mine!!!!! Fuck me!!!!!!!!! Fuck me!!!!!!!!!
Lick me!!!!!!!! Lick me!!!!!!!!" Hardly Pulitzer prize dialogue, but certainly attention catching. This could net me a TONY award.

So the word on this one is caution. If it flies, without me as Regan, you know it is bound to fail. Not to mention, who could compete with the very real performances of Ellen Burstyn, Jason Miller and Max Von Sydow.

Oh, and the actress who plays Mrs. Karas!!!!!!!! I just LOVE her!!!!!!!
Coming up out of the subway alone, and saying my favorite line--"Dimmy? Why you do this to me, Dimmy? You leave me all ALONE to DIE!!!!!!!!!" She is simply brilliant!
Maybe I could play this role instead!!!!!!!!!!

Be good to your mother, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book Group Free For All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back in January, as I sobbed tremulously, with Monsieur beside me, as "The Song Of Bernadette" ended, he turned to me, when calm, and said, "You crazy Catholics!"

If he only knew the half of it!!!!!!!!!

The other night, after returning from the monthly meeting of my book group at the Gay and Lesbian Center, he said, "How can book people be so nuts? I thought they were quiet and reserved."

Sweetie, that went out with Donna Reed as the spinster librarian during the nightmare sequence of "It's A Wonderful Life."

Book lovers, like film buffs, are fanatics!!!!!! Not as bad as those Vicious Opera Queens, but they run a close second. If you criticize the Brontes or Jane Austen to some of us, be aware of attack!!!!!!! If you declare Jonathan Franzen is NOT a genius, well, there is just no hope.

Now, I have been a part of this book group for over 10 years. And while we have a steady array of stable regulars, every so often an odd lot sneaks in. But nothing to equal the other night!!!!!!!!!!!

We had uniformly gathered to discuss Edmund White's recent memoir, "City Boy." As a read, it was reasonably pleasing; as literary craft it left a lot of to be desired. I was certainly not the only one who felt this way. But one of our members, an attention-mad individual, named either Jack or Fred, who has been coming to group for seven months, and whose behavior has gotten progressively out of line, reached a culmination point last Thursday.

But let me start with some personal experience. On the other Thursday evenings, I volunteer at the Center Library. One eve last month, in walked this individual, and as soon as he recognized me, launched into a pontificatory attack about the group, saying we don't read books central to the gay community, that we should read "The Well Of Loneliness" (oh, brother, and give everyone a razor blade so they can slit themselves afterwards!!!!!!) and that--and this got me--the members of the book group have no literary background and are homophobic.

I had to take issue there. The group is a mixed lot of people; you get readers like me, who read tons of books a month, you get others for whom this is the only book they read that month. It has never hurt the quality of discussions. As for homophobia, in all my years attending, I have never encountered ONE person or incident I would deem such. And believe me, darlings, I would know!!!!!!!!! The very thought is ridiculous.

But this guy, Jack, set new records for even himself. He told us because we did not get down and acknowledge White as this great writer, we had not read the book, and were not part of the Gay Community. Excuse me??????? Then he asked us, "How many of you went to the Mineshaft?" as if we would not know what that was. Whom does he think he is talking to???? I had to bite my tongue; I wanted to fire back, "Well, I think as a member of the Gay Community, I opted to do more meaningful things than holing up in a skank hole doing degrading things." By the way, mamy of the crowd who were part of that scene are no longer with us--AIDS!!!!!! The fact that Jack is, is indeed fortunate for him, but, in tandem with his personality, that on his nights there, he was more an observer, as he could not have got much action!!!!!!!!!

There was no arguing with this guy. There was no ignoring him, either. If only I could have taken a bucket of water, and melted him, like the Witch of the West. Some of us were so incensed after the meeting, we went for coffee afterwards, and discussed how to extricate this boob from our presence. The rumor is out there that he one time belonged to the other gay male book group at the Center--but that he was kicked out of that. I am not surprised.

I am not going to ask why people like this exist. I am going to ask, why they do not take their meds. Oh, he also said bisexuality does NOT exist?????? Really???? Well, how about heterosexuality????? Does he think that because he does not practice it, there is no such thing. As my friend, Angela, once said, "there wouldn't be any gay people if it weren't for straight people!"

The racor just festered all evening. Twice, Julio, our leader, had to prevent me from leaping out of my chair, and going for him across the room. I doubt if anyone would have stopped me.

Why doenn't he just do what Brother Theodore did--rent a space, and then rant for two hours, to a captivve audience. The difference was, if you listened carefully to Brother Theodore--who was a New York institution for years-- you could detect some cohesiveness in his talk. With Jack, all you get is a diatribe on how only he is right about gay matters. Gimme a break!!!!!! If this guy were sixteen, I would chalk it up to youth and inexpereince. At sixty, I chalk it up to stupidity, and maybe a need to get laid. But with that hair, and that personality???? Forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was quite a free for all, kiddies. So stay tuned next month, because June may not be the only thing bustin' out all over!!!!!!!!!!!

Could it be time for a new book group????????????????????????