Girls, I Simply Could NOT Watch This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, darlings, I admit I never thought "The Lovely Bones" was a world beater as a book or film. BUT, Alice Sebold's writing, and some of the film's performers, (Stanley Tucci and Rose McGiver in particular) gave the film some emotional resonance.

So, I have to admit I was intrigued by the prospect of the Investigation Discovery Program, "Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets," which, conceptually is "The Lovely Bones", with a different case, redesigined as a weekly TV show.

You would think this would be a sure fire thing. I have to admit the concept ostensibly pressed all my buttons. But a major mistake is made, which does not prevent the show from working. The bottom line, is, this show is done on the cheap, and it needs a bigger budget, for reasons I will explain.

All of these true crime shows involve some sort of dramatic reenactments. They are usually done by unknown, and not very good, actors, and are a series of quick, flashy sketches. Which is fine, if the presentation is limited.

BUT when the whole show is, basically a reenactment. and you are using, basically unknown, and not very, shall we say, skilled actors, for the entire duration, the show falls flat. "Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets" COULD work; it could be a cross between, again, "The Lovely Bones," or "Touched By An Angel," but, in order to achieve that, you have to employ A-list, solidly skilled actors, to make you empathize with the killers, victims and their families. The situation is emotionally engrossing enough, but with mediocre actors, it does not have the emotional resonance it should. I caught the case of Laura Salmon, who was murdered on May 13, 1984. She had been beaten to death by a jilted boyfriend, in one of those "if-I can't-have-her-no-one-else-will" scenarios. I found out this by doing some research on the case, because, after about 20 minutes of the program (or maybe 15; up till the first commercial) I knew I could not watch this. The dramatic execution (no pun intended) was unsatisfactory.

Which is why 'SVU' is still such a Gold Standard. The high calibre of actors appearing on that show, and on something like "Cold Case", made those shows work. The makers of 'Stolen Voices' have a great formula, but they need to surround themselves with higher calibre talent, or else this show will tank!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, it takes a lot for a true crime show to disengage ME. This show achieves that distinction, and, darlings that is NOT a compliment!!!!!!!!!!

Get your act (and ACTORS) together, folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, My God, Girls!!!!!!!!!!! Quelle Catastrophe!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, if I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed it!!!!!!!!!! On her way up to the stage, to collect another of the many awards she has received for her film, "The Iron Lady," Meryl Strep, La Divine Meryl, tripped, lost her shoe, but had it slipped back on, in true Cinderella fashion, by that Prince Charming of a guy, Mr. Colin Firth.

If I had been Meryl, honey, I would have tripped just to have Colin fit my foot!!!!!!!

But what does this mean????????? That the Divine Meryl is human????????? Perish the thought! After all, La Divinity Herself, consults with ALL Things Divine; like Mary--that's right, darlings, THE MARY, Queen Of Peace, Queen Of ALL--who talks over world affairs AND fashions with Miss Streep!!!!!!!! And both learn a lot in the process!!!!!!!

I am telling you, tonight being Valentine's Day, lots of my girls are going to follow Meryl's example--shoes are going to slip off, and then go right back on!!!!!!

Only the Divinity that is Meryl could get away with such a thing, darlings!!!!!!!!

The rest of us, including yours truly, simply aren't THAT Divine. Which means when we receive our awards, our shoes had better be secured!!!!!!!!!!

I think I will wear Gucci, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Valentine's Psycho Slashers, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I know Valentine's Day is the time for Romance, and there are SO many genre classics to choose from--epics like "Gone With The Wind" or "Doctor Zhivago;" simpler favorites such as "Annie Hall" or "Moonstruck;" even, for those inclined, "Sleepless In Seattle" or "When Harry Met Sally."

Or how about "Fatal Attraction," or "Play Misty For Me?" Two sides of the same coin, I say, but to watch them, on this day, is a bit masochistic. I should know; I used to watch "Fatal Attraction" figuring love was hopeless for me. But this Cinderella, darlings, found his Prince; so persevere, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naturally, I want to remain offbeat, so I would like to recommend two vehicles, suited to this day. One is a film; the other is a book, which was filmed, but the film used only the novel's title, and had nothing to do with the story at hand.

The film is the Original 1981 "My Bloody Valentine," (not the 2009 remake!!!!) and the Tom Savage novel, entitled "Valentine." If you have no plans tonight, darlings, curl up with one of these, some champagne and a box of chocolates, and your Valentine's Day will be complete!!!!!!!!!!

Let's start with "My Bloody Valentine." This film came out in 1981, at the height of the slasher craze that began with "Halloween" in 1978, and continued with such classics as the Original 1980 "Friday, The 13th," "Prom Night," and "Terror Train." The gimmick of setting a slasher at Valentine's Day is actually a stroke of genius.

Here is how it goes--

There is the obligatory pre-credit sequence, detailing the why of the story. On Valentine's Day, 1960, in a Canadian mining town, five miners were killed in a methane gas explosion, which all five of the foremen escaped, going off to a local Valentine's Day party, forcing their underlings to work. Apparently, there was one survivor, Harry Warden, who emerges alive, but insane, having survived by eating his coworkers!!!!!! Nice, huh?????????? Harry is dispatached off to the lccal loony bin, but escapes the follwing Valentine's Day, returns to town, kills the foremen, and shows up at the dance, dressed as a miner, delivering a heart shaped box--with one of the foremen's hearts inside!!!!!!!! A real classic moment, loves!!!!!!!!

Harry gets sent back, but his stunt becomes the stuff of town legend, especially since right after, all Valentine's Day dances and parties are banned in this town. But, twenty years later, it is a new generation, and so the tradition is to be revived. But someone who does not want it to finds out, and before you know it, bodies are dropping all over the place!!!!!! The best is the woman in the local laundromat, who ends up in the dryer!!!!!!!!! You better believe she is freshly blown!!!!!!!

I won't tell you anything more, lambs, except to say that if you ingest enough chocolate, and drink enough champagne, by the time the film gets to its climax, you won't give a rat's ass, and shouldn't, because this film is so trashy, anyway!!!!!!! Which is what makes it fun, and makes for a fun evening!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, reading "Valentine" by Tom Savage, takes a little more attention and concentration, being that it is a better story, and, had it been filmed correctly, would have made a terrific film double feature with the above.

The book opens with a young woman, Cass, being murdered by a man she met. It appears the killer has some kind of agenda, and that the next of his intended victims is a successful New York novelist, Jill Talbot. The why is not revealed until midway. It seems that Jill and three other women (who end up being murdered!!!!), when they were in college, pulled a horrible prank on a student they should have avoided, on Valentine's Day, with disastrous consequences for all. Jill's part in this was only peripheral; she was not even present in the room when the prank was sprung, and things began to go wrong. And, to her credit, she lashes out at the pranksters. The pathology of the student picked on is revealed, though what remains to be figured out is which of the adult men in the present time is this former student. I have to confess the first time I read this, I was taken by surprise, though on a second reading it all comes together nicely. But the story is unputdownable!!!!!

And, once having read it, darlings, you will never listen to the song "My Funny Valentine" in quite the same way, again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You might want to stay sober for this one, dears, as you need all your faculties to catch the strategy employed by Tom Savage as a writer. And if you just suspend disbelief and go with it, the ride is exciting, and will make for a lovely, though not so conventional, Valentine's Day.

I am only going to mention the St. Valentine's Day Massacre in passing, as there is nothing romantic about a bunch of thugs gunning down each other!!!!! If you stick to the psycho slashers above, you will have a fabulous time, so that, next year, when the Fairy Godmother appears, you can be whisked off to the Ball in your coach!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at the Prince's castle, tonight, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let Me Call You Sweetheart, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, can you believe we have made it to another Valentine's Day???? So, I want to be the first to send greetings to everyone out there. Liza must be in her glory today, where Red is the color of choice, but, of course, with all the pharmaceuticals she is on, EVERY day must seem like Valentine's Day.

Monsieur gave me the loveliest card and box of Lilac Chocolates, while I gave him a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and a heartfelt card tribute. And tonight, we are going to City Center to see the ENCORES production of "Merrily We Roll Along!" Which would be exciting and emotional enough for me, but, thanks to fortunate timing, is going to be REALLY special. Because 21 of that show's ORIGINAL 1981 cast will be in attendance tonight--including Jim Walton, Ann Morrison, Lonny Price, Liz Callaway, Maryrose Wood, David Loud and others--and will join the current onstage at Closing for a rendition of "Old Friends." And I knew Maryrose way back when, and was acquainted with Ann, so it should be exciting!!!! This show has so much personal resonance for me, so a better celebration thereof there could not be!!!! Rest assured, you will hear ALL about it tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

However you celebrate this lovely day, make sure it is heartfelt with gratitude for any loved ones in your life!!!!!!

"A Fine Romance", darlings!!!! Hope you are like those hot tomatoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, This Was A Day None Of Us Raised In Highland Park Will Ever Forget!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, for those of us of a certain age, raised in this small New Jersey town, this day back in 1965--that is now 47 years!!!!!--marked in some ways one of the benchmark signs ending our innocence.

On that Saturday afternoon, back then, Ann Rubenstein, 41, and her daughter Mae, 11, were found murdered in their home at 437 South Third Avenue. As I recall, I was in the fourth grade--the year of Norma Brodsky--and it was a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!!

And remains such, because, to this day, it has never been conclusively solved! A New Jersey news website--NJ.com--I believe--last year did a story on famous cold cases throughout the state, of which this is one of the more prominent.

The way things went, so we have been told, was this.

Mrs. Rubenstein's husband and son were working in town that day at the Star Lumber Company. She had gone out to do grocery shopping, and her 11-year-old daughter, Mae, a sixth grader at Lafayette School, was home by herself, and talking on the phone to a friend. Theirs was a two family house, and they were on the first floor. There was a small foyer, leading in, so I understood, and when the daughter heard the door open, she said, "I have to go, now; I hear my mother coming." Which there was no reason for her not to think otherwise. But whomever she opened the door to, turned out to be the attacker, who stabbed her multiple times with a long bladed kitchen knife. Apparently, the attacker, sensing others were out, but might return, hid, and so, when Ann Rubenstein entered, and found her daughter, slain and bleeding on the floor, she confronted the attacker, with unfortunately also fatal results!!!!!!!!

The upstairs neighbor later said she heard noises downstairs. Things really developed, when Mrs. Rubenstein's nephew, Maurice Feller, also in 4th grade (and later a high school classmate of mine) went in to the house, a common practice, to get a drink of water. He saw the bodies, and went upstairs, saying something, so I recall, about his aunt, having "fallen down." The neighbor went, grasped the situation, and called the police.

Now, I did not hear this till the next morning, which also happened to be Valentine's Day. I had arisen early, as was my habit, to watch, most likely, "Davey and Goliath" on TV. Our telephone rang, surprisingly early. I answered, and a maniacal voice said, "This is a murderer!!!!!!!" Of course, I was scared. But it just turned out to be my Uncle Tom, married to my father's sister, Aunt Agnes. They lived one town over from us, in Edison, and he had seen the story in the local paper. I got my father up, we retrieved the paper, and, over the breakfast table, all read the horrifying story.

"It really changed the innocence of Highland Park," said Rubenstein's niece (and, I believe, Maurice's sister, Aviva LaGrasse). Indeed, it did. Murder was something we heard about happening in far off places like Newark, or over the Hudson, in New York City. By fourth grade, with TV and radio, I had come to expect that. But in Highland Park??????? A sleepy little town???????? This was unheard of, and my parents had a time quelling my hysteria. If murder, I thought, could happen in this town, it could happen anywhere, and who was safe?????????

Of course, I got over this. But the actuality of never being completely safe can be traced back to this day and incident.

To this day, it remains unsolved. And there was never a murder weapon found. As late (or as far back) as when I was still living in Highland Park, in the early 1980s, nearly twenty years later, two theories were popular.

The first was it was a "hit" on the Rubenstein family. Especially, with no sexual trauma to the bodies, or signs of a robbery--there was over $100, then a considerable sum, in the house--this seemed likely. But the word that got out was that whomever got the wrong family; that there was s family similarly named on North Fourth Avenue, and they were the intended targets.

The other, more enigmatic theory, is that it is known who did it, but the records are sealed, as said perp was/is mentally ill, and was shortly thereafter institutionalized. This would be great if more could be found out, but it never was.
As such, this sounds more like an outtake from John Carpenter's "Halloween."

With almost 50 years having gone by, I doubt if the answer will ever be known, though so many of us out there would like to know. Still, when this date rolls around each year, I remember this incident well.

Remember, girls, only on TV is murder exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ernest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Stop calling! Stop calling!
I don't want to think anymore!
I left my heart on the dance floor!"
--Lady Gaga

Today, girls, happens to be the 81st (though he bills himself as "66 plus") birthday of my beloved Monsieur's Uncle Ernest!!!!!! Who is quite a character. You better believe his heart is on the dance floor, because he is the geriatric version of John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever," with his weekly excursions to dance clubs, where he cuts up a rug, and dance classes during the week, to perfect his moves.

Despite some eccentricities that make him a character, Uncle Ernest seems pretty hearty, is full functioning, and conducts some mean surveys on the website "Answerolgoy." Oh, my God, darlings, you just would not believe it.

As an outsider, with no prior family history here, I can view Uncle Ernest with respect and some detached amusement. Which escapes Monsieur a bit (same with myself and Cousin Judy!!!!), though I think I have helped ease some tensions there.

Who knows what he will do to celebrate????? But next Monday, our day off, we are going to take him to the Second Avenue Deli--his place of choice--for a celebration!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ernest! You've made it through another one, and let us hope you make it through many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Biirthday, Uncle Ernest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Stop calling! Stop calling!
I don't want to think anymore!
I left my heart on the dance floor!"
--Lady Gaga

Today, girls, happens to be the 81st (though he bills himself as "66 plus") birthday of my beloved Monsieur's Uncle Ernest!!!!!! Who is quite a character. You better believe his heart is on the dance floor, because he is the geriatric version of John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever," with his weekly excursions to dance clubs, where he cuts up a rug, and dance classes during the week, to perfect his moves.

Despite some eccentricities that make him a character, Uncle Ernest seems pretty hearty, is full functioning, and conducts some mean surveys on the website "Answerolgoy." Oh, my God, darlings, you just would not believe it.

As an outsider, with no prior family history here, I can view Uncle Ernest with respect and some detached amusement. Which escapes Monsieur a bit (same with myself and Cousin Judy!!!!), though I think I have helped ease some tensions there.

Who knows what he will do to celebrate????? But next Monday, our day off, we are going to take him to the Second Avenue Deli--his place of choice--for a celebration!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ernest! You've made it through another one, and let us hope you make it through many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!