Farewell To Minxy Marla English!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Marla English was a good girl, who just got the wrong breaks.  According to what I read, her Paramount contract was attempting to make her their version of Elizabeth Taylor. And Marla certainly had some goods!  I mean, just look at her!  Darlings, this is how I want to spend my retirement, looking like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           But as we know, all too well, girls--and as you know from reading me--in Hollywood, there can be only ONE A-List Princess. And that was certainly Elizabeth Taylor. No one was going to dethrone her!!!!!!!!!!  For others--Marla, Faith Domergue, Dana Wynter, Irish McCalla--there was nowhere to go, but B, or even C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             However, Marla's glamorous presence was immortalized in two cheesy  1950's American-International Pictures productions--"The She Creature," in 1956.  and "Voodoo Woman," in 1957. The thing about both films is that what Marla morphs into in each is simply grotesque, though, being made by sexist straight men (or sometimes campy queens) these female monsters still managed to have..........chesty assets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Let's start with "The She-Creature," wherein, as the poster says, Marla is "reincarnated as a Monster from Hell!!!!!!!!!!!"  But, darlings, I ask you, look at the poster!!!!!!!! If you were going to be reincarnated, wouldn't you rather look like the figure on the right???????  In the white, diaphanous gown???????????  Though, I am telling you, when have you ever seen a female monster, with tits that large?????????  The She-Creature could have given Jane Russell a run for her money!!!!!!  Too bad Playtex didn't get the She Creature to do some of those 18 Hour Bra commercials!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 I guess Marla and monster tits on female monsters must have scored big for AIP, because the next year they released "Voodoo Woman," wherein, once again, glamorous Marla was converted into some ersatz creation with a bizarre hairstyle, and monster tits, to do the mad scientist's bidding.  Though, look at this monster!!!!!!!!!!  With that hair, height and tits, it seems more likely others are going to be doing her bidding!!!!!!!!!!!!   Bet that scientist gets killed, at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    AIP got it right later that year, with "Blood Of Dracula," wherein Sandra Harrison, who, I believe, is still with us, is more glamorous looking in her monster make-up than as her actual self!!!!!!!  Now that 56 years have passed, I wonder if Sandra, today, puts that monster make-up on every morning???????????????

                                                    But when she wasn't a monster, Marla was quite striking. She died a month ago, on December 10, of cancer, at the age of 77.  But as long as DVDs and TV stations run "The She-Creature" and "Voodoo Woman," and horror mavens of all ages and types gather to watch, Marla English will live on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     If only I could adopt her California Look!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Am Telling You, You Had Better Be Prepared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Girls, what a day our one day holiday turned out to be!  After a medical test for Monsieur that put us on the street by 8 AM, we had breakfast at a diner nearby, then trekked down to the East Village, where we saw an 11 AM screening of a film both of us have been wanting to see for a long time--"The Master."

                                              Now, the first thing I want to say is I cannot remember the last time I was in a movie theater at 11 AM.  On a non-work day, usually  I am still sipping coffee, fielding phone calls and fan mail, or trying to decide what I am going to wear that day.  As if I were Slim Keith, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                "The Master" is a weird movie!  It is full of poetic imagery and symbolism--lots of images of water cascading out from beneath ships, and sculpted sand breasts on beaches-- but I wish Paul Thomas Anderson had concentrated more on his script than visual composition. He gets superb performances by the Oscar nominated Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Miss Amy Adams, and a superb minor bit from Laura Dern (and where the hell has she been????) that are fascinating to watch, but the characters they are struggling to maintain, and the story they are trying to fit into is mired by Anderson, who is so determined to make a movie that forces one to think, to ask questions, that it fails to give enough, let alone, easy answers.

                                                      This is almost the counterpart to "Les Miserables." That film is filled with characters you have empathy and compassion for. The ones here are utterly despicable, except maybe for the woman enacted by Laura Dern, whose illusions are wiped out by a single act of unkindness.

                                                     Maybe this is just what I was not expecting.  What I was expecting was a character study, and a collision of personalities, when someone starts questioning the practices of this cultist movement called, in the movie, the Cause, but which is obviously a stand in for such things as Diannetics, EST, Scientology, and the Landmark Forum.  I lost a good friend to the last, so the idea of a film where someone destroys one of these organizations was very appealing and satisfying sounding to me.  But that is not what "The Master" is.  I am not sure, in fact, what "The Master" is, or if the movie is sure. It really does not go anywhere.

                                                        Which may account for, in its initial run, I missed it, as it seemed to vanish so fast.   With good reason; but now that its lead players have all been Oscar nominated, those like I who missed it the first time can finally have a look.

                                                           But, darlings, there is something I have GOT to prepare you for, because, oh my God, I almost had a heart attack when I first saw it.  No one told me much about the movie at all, and no one certainly told me about the scene I am to relate.

                                                             Amy Adams, looking as lovely as ever, is brilliant as Peggy Dodd, married to guru Lancaster Dodd (Hoffman) is absolutely brilliant. But this is not our pert and perky Amy, girls!!!!!!!!!  I would compare Peggy Dodd to Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Eleanor Shaw Iselin in "The Manchurian Candidate" (1962).  Though Amy goes Mrs. Iselin one better. Or, wait, let me take that back, I am certain Mrs. Iselin did the same thing to her son, Raymond Shaw, played by Laurence Harvey. It's just that such things could not  be depicted on screen, back in 1962.

                                                                    Well, now they can, and, girls, I don't know how to say it any other way, so I will come out with it, and then explain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                        Amy Adams performs a hand job on Philip Seymour Hoffman!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                         I know, I know, it is SHOCKING!  I mean, it's as bad as if Hayley Mills.....God, forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                          I was so shocked it took me a couple of minutes into the scene to realize what was actually going on. It is clear, but not graphic, and I am sure Amy really wasn't...I certainly hope not, because ewwwwwwwwwwwww!  I mean, Philip Seymour Hoffman?????   I'd sooner have a root canal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                            The scene, however is important, because it turns out to be not so much an erotic gesture as one of sadistic control.  Peggy rules this house, honey, and you better believe it, as she lays down the riot act for what her husband, named Lancaster,  can and cannot do, and what she had better not find out about!!!!!!!!!!!  Talk about having a guy by the balls!!!!!!!!!!!!  Literally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                But I have to ask, what is it with Philip Seymour Hoffman???? Why does he permit himself to be sexually humiliated on film???????  He is a good actor, though I feel he is overrated, and, let's face it, he is not much to look at.  Several years back, he made a wonderful film that was neglected, called "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead."  He played a real slime bucket, which is perfect for him, as he looks like one, anyway!!!!!!!!!  Well, the opening shot of this film is--again, prepare yourselves, dears--the image of his naked back side on a bed, as he is furiously banging Marisa Tomei from behind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can still recall there were audience members who screamed in distaste!!!!!!!!!!  And I don't blame them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                  I mean, what is up with you, Philip?????? What is next, the film version of Edward Albee's "The Goat, Or Who Is Sylvia?." with Hoffman doing a tasteful banging of the goat???????????   I swear, I will run right up the aisle!!!!!!!!!!  Better yet, I won't go. That play, on stage, was enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                    Another thing--how come this film did not get an NC-17 rating????????  I thought anytime there was female frontal nudity it was a given??????  Well, in this fantasy scene of Joaquin  Phoenix, there are so many naked women on camera showing all they've got, and not all are young and pretty!!!!!!!!!!   I have to give these gals credit for doing a scene like this, because you won't find me doing anything like this. Yet this film, I believe, got a R rating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                    And these are not even the questions I should be addressing in assessing "The Master." But when confronted with such sights, what is one supposed to do???????

                                                                                      So, be  on your guard, girls, if you go!!!!!!!!
And, I am telling you, if you need a drink or two afterwards, to get this out of your head, then, by all means, go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                                       And please, PLEASE Philip, stop showing us your body!!!!!!!!!!!  I am sick and tired of looking at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Like Ellen Barkin, Girls--Straight Outta Queens!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Imagine--if you will, darlings--a gathering of queens, in Queens!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that is what happened Sunday night at the Bruce Friedman 65th Birthday Celebration Extravaganza, which took place in Elmhurst, at the Georgia Diner!  Not since the days of gatherings in the lobby of the Garden Of Allah Hotel, in Hollywood, during the Golden Age of the 30's and 40's, has there been such an assemblage!!!!!!!!!!   Where was Joan Crawford, as Mildred Pierce, when you needed her?????????

                                   Having purged my system of 15 years of Queens in 8 months, I was not too keen on going back there, though I already do go, with Monsieur, when we make our visits to Bea.  Which is a wonderful thing we do, and I would not miss a visit.  But when Bruce told us the celebration was not only going to be at the Georgia Diner, but not take place till 6PM, this queen rolled his eyeballs!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       What a motley crew.  Poor Auntie Alvin--whom we all love--looked so frail, I thought I was going to have to wheel him back to his room at the nursing home!  Dante of Don and Dante looked as robust as ever, but Don, with some weight loss, stooped posture and a neck brace looked ready any second to have a heart attack!  I was truly fearful he might!  Then there was Barbara, who should have been cast as one of these wiseacre secretaries in a 50's sitcom, but who had all the warmth of Madame Thernardier in "Les Miserables."

                                        And poor Monsieur and I in the midst of all!!!!!!!!  And us having to get up at the crack of dawn, the next morning, on our day off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Kisses, girls!!!!!!!!!!  At least our hostess, Bruce, was in better form than usual, seeing to everyone, celebrating not only his birthday but his soon to be retirement, (and I wonder if anyone at his workplace is celebrating that as well???????????) and I thought there was going to be some kind of grand speech, because Bruce DOES love to talk, girls!!!!!!!!!!!  But he seemed the most low-keyed of anyone.

                                             I am telling you, when it came to lucidity, Bruce, Herb (looking much too gaunt for his height and frame), Andrew, and Monsieur and I topped that list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Forget fashion, dolls, some of these boys looked like they never looked at a magazine since McCall's,, when they were little boys. In my brand new green striped Ralph Lauren shirt, you can bet I created a breathtaking scene!!!!!!!!!!  But I have to, darling; I am the Raving Queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  The food?  You want to talk about the food?  Why bother?  There was too much, and it was pedestrian.  Not that diners are high end, but some are better than others.  I have to say the cole slaw was good.  My chicken was dry, but at least was saturated in some kind of sauce, of what kind I am not sure.   As Monsieur said, the Lighthouse Cafe in our neighborhood, and where we are probably dining tonight, serve gourmet meals, compared to this.  I kept waiting to see that couple from the Grand Prospect Hall ad--where the overweight Greek woman (probably a distant cousin of that despicable Despina Poulakakos!!!!!!) says, "Ve make yer dweams come true!!!!!!!!!"   I expected them to pop out behind the bar within the private room we were confined to.  Though I felt sorry for those patrons, seated at other tables, who were not part of the party.  They must have had no idea what was going on. Maybe they thought members from a group home were out on a field trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    But, Happy Birthday, Bruce!  You only turn 65 once, and that makes my Queens quota for the year, as far as I am concerned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Tell Me On A Sunday, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can You Believe It Has been Twenty Years, Darlings???????????

                                This morning, girls, while listening to 1010 WINS, waiting to get my weekly dose of Sunday comfort and wisdom from Sister Camille D'Arienzo,  I heard a broadcaster state it has been twenty years to the day that Audrey Hepburn left us!

                                   Talk about the  passage of time!  I remember how sad I was at her passing--another icon gone!!!!-- and to think she was only 63, which, at the age I am now, seems rather young, these days!!!!!!!!

                                    It gave me pause.  So I wanted to share with you girls these thoughts, plus my favorite Audrey photo, from, of course, "Breakfast At Tiffany's!"

                                    Rest In Peace, Audrey!  Maybe some of you girls can pull out one of her DVDs  and watch it in her honor!  My choice would be "My Fair Lady."  When she comes down those stairs in that Cecil Beaton designed ball gown--WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     But then Audrey would have looked great in anything!  Even burlap, which she practically did in the movie "Green Mansions!"

                                       Not me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need my ermine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's A Funny Thing About Nancy In "Oliver Twist" And "Oliver!"

                                      On discussion threads pertaining to "Les Miserables," darlings, one sage asks the question, "Why are so many musicals about prostitutes that die?"

                                        Which is a strange way of looking at it, because it's not like musical theater is abounding with working girls.  I mean, Fantine is now probably the best known.  And there are some who don't die, like Charity in "Sweet Charity" (sanitized by Neil Simon to a dance hall hostess, rather than an actual prostitute, like  in the Fellini film "Nights Of Cabiria, but come on, honeys a dance hall hostess????? Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!!!), or Illya in "Illya, Darling!" (the musical version of the 1960 film "Never On Sunday!"), not to mention the title character in "Irma La Douce."

                                          One person mentioned "Evita", though, while she did sleep her way to the top, (like some queens I could name; that or kissing ass, figuratively or literally!!!) technically she was not a prostitute!

                                            Then one person brought up Nancy in "Oliver!" (or "Oliver Twist") which got me to thinking.  It's a finny thing, about Nancy.  It was not  until I read "Oliver Twist" as an adult that I got it  (especially from reading the Introduction by whomever in whatever edition I read) that Nancy was/ is a prostitute.  If you look at Shani Wallis (pictured above) in the 1968 film version of the musical, "Oliver!" you get the impression Nancy is a barmaid who waits tables and serves drinks.  Which she may, and not that barmaids do not turn tricks.  But in "Oliver!" (which I was taken to see at the tender age of 13) the word prostitute is never mentioned.  Maybe because the musical is, understandably, sanitized for children and families ("Oliver!" like its almost gender counterpart, "Annie," is considered one of those child-centric musicals!!!!), though, in retrospect, I think Nancy's florid dress and exposed cleavage are supposed to be clues.  But at this young time I never picked up on that.

                                              And unlike Victor Hugo, who was up front, Dickens in his writing was a bit genteel.  You have to read between the lines in the book to get that Nancy is a prostitute, because that word, or any of its derivatives, is never mentioned.  Just like in "David Copperfield;" where Martha Endell is first an outcast of the village, like Fantine, and for the same reason (giving herself to a man outside of marriage).  Her persecution causes her to flee to London, where she disappears into the slums, only to be rescued from having becoming a prostitute (which is inferred) by Little Em'ly and the Pegottys.  And Little Em'ly undergoes  something similar; seduced by Steerforth's charms (I believe he was a sociopath) she is seduced and abandoned by him, and almost suffers the same fate as Martha, when she goes to London to find her, before the Pegottys rescue them both.  Dickens just never spells it out, just like with Agnes Wickfield (the novel's Soul of Goodness) he does not come and state outright that she is Literature's Greatest Enabler, because she allows her clearly (but again not stated) alcoholic father, Judge Wickffield,  to  drink himself into a stupor every night, while taking care of him!

                                           It took me years of life experience before I understood all this, which is one of many reasons for reading and rereading Dickens!  One sure does not get this take in high school!  At least, my generation certainly did not!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           But prostitutes as the cornerstones of musical theater!?????  Oh, come on; get over it!
The cornerstone of musical theater is top roles for females, and the queens who want to play them !!!! (And just wait till you see my "Funny Girl" or Mama Rose in "Gypsy!").

                                           Such ideas are akin to conspiracy  theories, and these folk need to get a grip!  Or a life of their own!

                                             Besides, the only REAL prostitutes in musical theater are those paying customers who pay three figures and invest their time in watching such crap as "American Idiot" or
"Spring Awakening!"

                                              Better to be on some street corner, you tasteless twits!  Or on Craigslist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such Fun, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        I seem to be just reading my way through January, darlings, and this novel, which came out several years ago, is such fun!  Definitely in the same vein as the Caleb Carr books, and, while not as compelling, is nevertheless worthwhile.

                                         Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung-those two psych biggies--are en route to Clark University in Worcester, Mass.--stop over in New York.  Someone is tying up girls, whipping and bleeding them, and in most cases, leaving them dead.  A young detective, Littleton, and the psychologists get in on the act, and what follows is an expose into the corrupt world of New York high society.

                                           Girls, I have to warn you, the violence is quite graphic and gruesome, though queens into the S and M scene (and I know who you are out there; all you readers of "Fifty Shades Of Crap!") will just love it.  I have to say I thought the climax was a little overblown, because, while there is only one killer, EVERYONE, in some way, turns out to be so messed up.

                                             The ending could have used a bit more restraint, and the killer needed a compelling back story to make his sickness understandable.  But these are quibbles.  Jed Rubenfeld writes an entertaining historical suspense yarn, and I look forward to reading his next book, "The Death Instinct."  The title alone is chilling.

                                                Now put away that cat o' nine tails, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I Know, Darlings, Or Do I Know??????????

                                  Several days back, I did a posting citing that one of the key films of 1963 to turn 50 this year was one of my favorites--Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds!"  Well, someone out there must be reading this, or listening to me, (at least on the West Coast; too bad this did not happen in New York!!!!) or just has plain old  good taste, because this past Thursday,  an anniversary screening of the film was held at Grauman's Chinese Theatre, where it was introduced by two of its key stars, Tippi Hedren and Veronica Cartwright.

                                   That's right, girls; the former Melanie Daniels and Cathy Brenner were on hand to acknowledge not only the quality of this film, but how well they have held up in the years since, with the passage of time.  Tippi, wearing almost a duplicate of the outfit she wore in the film, looks wonderful for her age--which just happens now to be 83, as, get this, TODAY is her birthday!  So, Happy Birthday, Tippi!!!!!!!!

                                      As for Veronica Cartwright, well, you have heard me on her before--she parlayed a career of hysterics that has held up now for over 50 years, and while she and sister Angela (no longer in the biz!!!!) have added some extra....um....ounces, (and haven't we all, darlings????)  Veronica continues to act and get out there.  I certainly wish I could have flown cross country to report this event to you, personally, girls, not to mention seeing the film with two of its iconic stars.

                                       Dare we hope for a screening in New York?  I know "The Birds" played last year at the Film Forum, but I could not get to it.  I last saw it at the Walter Reade Theater at Lincoln Center, where, as I have stated before, the sound system was so great that, as the birds flew across the screen during the opening credits, their cries were terrifying.

                                         Girls, these weer no birds in gilded cages.  And neither are Tippi and Veronica!
Not to forget the great Doreen Lang, whose hysterical scene in the diner--"I think you're evil!  EVIL!" has become the stuff of legend.

                                           And look closely at the scenes where there are children--the famous school attack, and, earlier, Cathy's birthday party.  One of those children happens to be a very young Morgan Brittany.  Who. I swear, was one of the models for the family picture drawing on the box cover of my Ideal Toy game, "Tip-It!"

                                             "The Birds" and its cast have done well by Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Tweet, tweet, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!