Happy Birthday, Meryl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           
                                     This is quite a day, darlings!  Not only is it, as far as I am concerned, the longest day of the year, and the day of the Annual Mermaid Parade in Brooklyn, not to mention the 44th Anniversary of the Death Of Judy Garland, but it is something to shout in the streets about!

                                       Today, girls, is the birthday of that Divinity known to us all, simply as Meryl Streep!!!!!!!!!!  Or, MERYL, to my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And not just any birthday, for, today, MERYL reaches the age of 64!!!!!!!!!!  Which has always been a cryptic number to me.  There was the Lennon-McCartney song "When I'm 64," featured on their  masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper," but 64 has sad connotations for me because, back in 1979, that was precisely the age my mother passed away.  And, of course, being REALLY 24 at the time, (instead of professionally, as I am now!!!!!!!!!!) to me, 64 seemed so....well..old!!!!!!!!!  But now,  at 58, with 60 practically staring me in the face, not only does it seem not so old, it seems like Time has just flown.

                                          Girls, I am telling you, no one can popularize this age, or look so good at it, as MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!!  Now, one-two-three--HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!--there is her birthday wish from the Raving Queen and all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Wonder how MERYL will celebrate?  With family and friends, of course!  I would guess Stanley Tucci and his family, which now includes Emily Blunt, as he is now married to Emily's sister, will all convene at MERYL'S today, and Stanley will take over that kitchen, and whip up a birthday dinner and dessert the likes of which I am sure we would all like to see!  I mean, MERYL deserves the BEST, and let's wish it for her!

                                              And don't you just know, darlings, talk will revolve around the already much discussed film version of "Revenge Wears Prada?????"   Wish I could be a fly on the wall, at that house, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Happy Birthday MERYL!!!!!!!!!!  You take 64 to a new level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Contest, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Last evening, Monsieur and I just acquired a new land line phone. After its installation, and test calls to make sure it is working, the next most important decision is--what message to leave on the answering machine?????????

                                                       You see, ours have become famous.  It started several years back, when Monsieur was on Bethune Street.  We used Nancy Kelly's speech from "The Bad Seed--"You hit him with the shoes, didn't you?..........," which went over well.  Then we switched to "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane," specifically the exchange starting with, "Blanche? Can ya speak to this man from Johnson's?"  That lasted awhile.  As well as Minnie Castevet's opening remarks from "Rosemary's Baby--"Sometimes I wonder how come you're the leader of anything.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                         But, by far, our most popular has been me delivering Gladys Cooper's penultimate speech, marking the climax of "The Song Of Bernadette."  You know, the one that begins, "What do you know of suffering?"  This lasted for more than a year, provoked the most response from callers, and I am certain kept phone solicitors at bay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            Most recently, amidst complaints the 'Bernadette' message was too long--which it was--we opted for a shorter messsage--where I reprise Tallulah Bankhead's famous speech from "Die! Die! My Darling!"--"Is that lipstick, Patricia? Go, and remove that filth AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                               Now I am informed a new message is needed for our new phone. I have some contenders, but really cannot decide.  So, I am going to submit the contenders here, and I want those of you out there who feel free to comment, choosing what you like best.  The winner, whatever it may be, shall be announced on here.

                                                   The Contenders---

                                                     1. Neely's Speech From "Valley Of The Dolls"--"Well, he's not going to get his lousy ten per cent. Because I won't settle for crumbs!  I'll leave this stinkin' show!  WITH dignity!"

                                                       2. Mr. Pinky's Speech From "Hairspray"--"Fatty fatty two by four!  Can't get through the dressing room door?"

                                                         3. The Exchange Between Miriam and Charlotte in "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte"--"Miriam:  Yes, I told! Why shouldn't I have told that his darling daughter was having a dirty little affair with a married man!!!!!!!  Charlotte:  You're a vile, sorry little bitch!!!!!!!!"

                                                           4. Veda's Dress Speech In "Mildred Pierce"--"It's the dress. It's awfully cheap material.  I can tell by the smell. Well, it seems to me if you're going to buy anything, it should be the best!  This is definitely not the best!  Oh, this is impossible!  Look at this! Ruffles! How could she buy me such a thing? I wouldn't be seen dead in this rag!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                              5. Mrs. Danvers' Underwear Speech In "Rebecca"--"This is where I keep her underwear. It was made especially for her, by the nuns, at the Convent of St. Claire."

                                                                There you have it, darlings!!!!!!!!!!  I simply cannot decide!   So, let me know what you think! And, if you have any you think might be better, feel free to say so, too!

                                                                  As with all contests, the winner will be posted here, and gets a free dinner with The Raving Queen at the restaurant of their choice!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                   May the best girl win.....GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                 

"Let Us Pray That We're Not Getting Married Today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                             "Bless this great pinnacle of Life,
                                              Husband joined to wife,
                                              The heart leaps up to behold,
                                              This golden day!"
                                               ----"Getting Married Today" from "Company,"
                                                       by Stephen Sondheim

                                      No, girls, this is not any kind of preview exclusive to my wedding; I am still waiting for the ring, the gown, the venues for the ceremony and the reception.  Not to mention the Honeymoon--though I have one idea--on a plantation down in New Orleans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        But that's for me, (and Monsieur, of course!!!!!!!) this is now!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Remember me writing, last week, about those two, precious children, Ramona Ponce, and Eric Mueller????????  Who live way up town, in the Dunbar?????  I told you girls there would be more about them on here, and this is it!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I have just found out, from unnamed sources, that Ramona and Eric are........married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, to each other?????????  Can you believe it , darlings?????????

                                           Even more, I know exactly what you are thinking--

                                           "Well, what do they............?

                                           " Do they actually...............?

                                            "How do they....................?

                                              I have no answers for you, dears. And this is certainly not something I want to entertain.  But I do need to ask one, absolutely fundamental question--

                                               How many bathrooms do they have in that apartment????????

                                                This is absolutely crucial!!!!!!!!  A man and a woman, even under the best of circumstances, can NOT share a bathroom.  I mean, a woman would never share with a straight man, anyway.  The women have too much sense, especially after what the bathroom looks like after the guy gets through with it!

                                                  Two gay men sharing a bathroom can be done, but it can be a bitch, let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!!  As for two lesbians....... I suppose it is possible, but I wouldn't hazard a guess.

                                                    But a woman and a gay man?????????  Because, let me tell you, there is no doubt in MY mind that sweet, little Eric Mueller is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He may not have ever seen the cast album cover of the defunct Carol Burnett musical, "Fade Out, Fade In", (because he is much too young for that experience) but you damn well better believe he knows his Dolce from his Gabbana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      When it comes to beauty products, gay men outdo women in that department, loves!!!!!!!!!  Creams, unguents, moisturizers, deodorant, sun block, baby and skin lotion....just about everything but tampons, though, let me tell you, darlings, I have known some guys in my time who could have benefited from them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          I mean, just imagine!  Or don't!  Not that I am not happy for Ramona and Eric; they are so sweet together, and besides, I cannot wait to get them over to our place.  I have got to talk fabrics and color with Ramona, for my wedding gown, while I need to cajole Eric into accepting the offer of a lifetime--working for Monsieur and I, the two most easy going queens on the planet, or, at least, this side of the Hudson, as a factotum valet, concierge, personal assistant!!!!!!!!!!  I am sure Eric would just be thrilled and honored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                          So, I will inform you all of future developments.  But, really, they are just the most charming duo!!!!!!!!!  Impeccable manners, darling, which counts for something today, I can assure you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            Besides, they not only knew that Dorothy Dandridge had, at one time, lived in the Dunbar, they knew who Dorothy Dandridge was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are You Ready For The Summer????????????????????

                                    It's here, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Proserpina's halfway pint to her Earthly visit, the Season of Childhood, it's that time of the seasons for loving, girls......Summer!!!!!!!!!!!  Something about this season, though I am long removed from childhood, will never let me go.   It always turns out to be the most fun of the year!

                                     Frozen fruit drinks, outdoor films and plays, amusement rides galore, and seemingly endless days (some say today is the LONGEST day, I say tomorrow!!!!!!!!) of dining al fresco on warm breezy  nights.  What's there not to like????????????

                                      Make sure you slather on that sun screen,girls!  Remember, as Mammy told Scarlett, it's no use getting all freckled, after all the buttermilk poured into one last Winter!

                                       Most of all, Summer means Vacations--from work, school, or routine!  Even working during the Summer months seems just like a vacation, with everyone just a little bit more relaxed!  Or so it seems to me!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         So, let's all welcome "those lazy, hazy crazy days of Summer!"  As Nat Cole once sang, "You'll wish that Summer could always be here!!!!!!!!!"

                                            I know I do, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye, Bye, Spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    You know I just had to end your day on a pretty note, darlings, especially after all that ugliness!  Today is, as far as I am concerned, the last day of Spring, which means the start of Summer commences tomorrow,  Would that this Spring had been as picturesque as that shown. It seemed to be a series of stop-and-go's, as far as rainy days are concerned, with more rainy than sunny days to show.

                                      But it was a relief from Winter, and all our Spring social events went off splendidly, which is all that one can ask.  To think we are not only almost through Proserpina's visit to Earth, but the year, as well!!!!!!!!!! Where has the time gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       So, farewell to Spring, and bring on those pastoral pleasures of Summer!!!!!!!!!!

                                       The season always makes me feel like Connie Francis in "Where The Boys Are!!!!!!!!!"

Girls You Would Not Believe The Hideous Thing I Saw On The Street Today!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe because I am reading Lauren Weisberger's book, I have, somehow, become more fashion conscious. When I was returning to the office, from my lunch hour, I saw the most hideous thing, and creature wearing it, I just could not believe my eyes!!!!!!!!  I mean, don't women have any sense about how they really look???????

      Like I said, there I was, on my way back, when I passed this obviously middle aged woman--you could tell by the wrinkles, though it was clear her skin had not been taken very good care of, either, darlings--with the kind of Sixties, Peggy Lipton, long hair she was much too old for, and besides, the texture was limp, the color shabby, and she had no sense how inappropriate this was for her!

As if this were not enough, she was dressed in this too short black strapped dress, with gold lame on the front, suggesting, like I said, a female gladiator!!!!!!  The trouble was, by the cut and shape of the garment, you could tell this was meant to be worn by someone of more, shall we say, ample, physical stature???????  Not that there are too many out there with Liz Taylor (in her prime, darlings!!!!!!!!) type bodies, but that is what  or whom this dress was designed for!!!!!!! Which she definitely was not!!!!!!

But damn if she wasn't sashaying her chassy up that street, thinking she looked damn good!  I was so shocked I turned my head in alarm!!!!!!!! Oh, my God!!!!!!!!! Do you think someone seeing me do this would think I was ogling her???????  That I was straight?????????

God forbid!!!!!!!  But,then, look how I dress--with style and taste!  Style and taste!!!!!!

Not a chance, darlings!!!!!!!!!!

This one sure thought she was the cat's meow!!!!!!  But, I am telling you, girls, come nightfall, she might straddle a fence or two, but she is going to be thrown off it, by shoes hurled from apartment windows!!!!!!!!

When will the fashion challenged wise up, dolls??????????????

"If A Girl Isn't Pretty, Like A Miss Atlantic City, All She Gets In Life Is Pity, And A Pat!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                  No, girls, this is not Cristina Ricci having just gotten out of bed, and both we and Cristina Ricci can be very thankful for that.  Though this is another Cristina--namely Cristina Torre, daughter of former Yankees coach, Joe Torre.

                                    Hot tamale, darlings!  This one's for the zoo!  When did the "Frankenstein's Daughter" look become so "in," these days???????  Remember the post about the woman who I thought was channeling Sandra Knight in "Frankenstein's Daughter????????"  Well, Cristina Torre  not only does this better, she looks exactly like her father, in drag!!!!!!!!!  I mean, if you had shown me this photo and said it was Joe Torre with a female wig over his head, I would have believed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But, hey, girls, she has a good heart!  And she brought some welcome publicity to my domestic enclave of Bay Ridge, after that report on sex trafficking  and tramps working in alleged spas!!!!!!!!  Spas, indeed!!!!!!!!!  Massage Parlors!!!!!!!!  Nudies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Run by that Despicable Despina, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Cristina supposedly does something, working with pre-school kids.  I don't know if she lives in Bay Ridge, but she certainly she was in the right place at the right time, on Wednesday afternoon.
At 91st and Third Avenue, over a frozen yogurt shop, live this couple who are guilty of child neglect, and have been dealt with by having the kids hauled off to Child Services. Because their youngest baby managed to crawl out the window, and onto the store awning (not very sturdy) and was, basically, hovering in the air, where a fall from there would have been "Bye, Bye, Baby!!!!!!!!!!!"   Fortunately, fast thinking Cristina positioned herself, knowing the baby would fall, so that, when it did, she would catch it!!!!!!!!  And she did!!!!!!!!!!

                                       I am sure, to that baby, Cristina is the most beautiful woman in the world!!!!!!! So what if she isn't, really????????  She is a true humanitarian, and, maybe, for her efforts, the wonderful staff over at Salon Briana could attempt some cosmetic miracles, in return for Cristina's efforts!!!!!!!!!  But let;s not get our hopes up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Judge Judy is always saying how beauty fades!!!!!!!!  But, what if it is not there, to begin with??????????????????

                                          Moisturize, girls!  I am telling you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!