"What You Gonna Do? Oooooh, Lucy Macevil!!!!!!!! Honey, Where You Been All Night???????????"

                                 Tramps come in all types and geographic places.  They are easier to spot in small towns, because, the fewer people, the more the tramps can rule; and generally, there is one tramp overall per town!  In a place New York, it does not matter, because just about everyone you see walking down the street could be the biggest tramp, there is.

                                   So, I thought, to liven up this Winter, it was time a for a fun Bitch Of The Week!
And no one is more fun than Lucretia Macevil.

                                     That is right; the same Lucretia, as immortalized in song by Blood, Sweat, And Tears, back in the 70's.  "Tail shakin', home breakin', truckin' through town!"  I know about women like Lucretia, honey!  They destroy, yet, in the wake of their destruction, they exert a certain fascination.  Perhaps because they are doing what, on some level, the rest of wish we were.

                                        But who's to judge???? Let us just honor Lucretia as our Bitch Of The Week, one of the liveliest and most enjoyable we have had!  Sure to be a hit at any party--whether she is invited, or not!

                                         Why not let Lucretia speak for herself?  So, here she is, thanks to Blood, Sweat And Tears!

                                          Make sure your clothes all fit you right, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember That Brief, Window Of Time, Darlings, When We All Wanted To Be Deborah Harry??????????????

                                  Each of us shares that window of time, girls, but it came to us differently, and through different songs.  For many, it was "Heart Of Glass."  For others, "Call Me."  For me, it was "The Tide Is High."

                                    Because, darlings, like the song said I was not the kind of girl who would just give up, like that! Oh, I had spells where I wanted to, of course, but, inspired by this song, not to mention Deborah's film work in John Waters' "Hairspray," or David Cronenberg's "Videorome," she gave new inspiration and guidance to me--for a time.

                                      Still, it is a time I appreciate, and I am glad to see that Deborah is around.

                                      And for those of you, who may need a dose of that inspiration, here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Baby Jane Hudson Made The Money That Paid For This House! That's Who!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                    "Hah!" What do YOU think?????????"
                                                       --Bette Davis to Joan Crawford in "What Ever
                                                     Happened To Baby Jane?"
                                         
                                 That Blanche!  I was always on the side of Baby Jane, because Blanche thought she was SO damned special.  Miss Butter Wouldn't Melt In Her Mouth, just like Joan Crawford, who was actually playing her public image of herself.

                                      What got me into this mood, this morning?  Well, I recently read an article on how to deal with prima donnas, which, being of the theater, is something I know about, because I can be a bit of one myself.   But, then, I realized that it boils down less to being a prima donna, and more to being a person's whipping boy.

                                          Like the woman in Park Slope, who thought Monsieur and I were not moving fast enough for  her to get home, as it was all about her.  Or people who cannot keep their mouth shut when they should, and end up deconstructing social interactions they are not supposed to be at the helm of.   Or someone with issues who simply lashes out at you, because they have had a bad day, and want to blame you for it, or, more importantly, bring you down to their level.

                                            Well, to all and sundry who fit these descriptions, as Peter Finch said in "Network," "I am mad as hell, and I am not gonna take it any more!"

                                               Who the hell do you all think you are that you can just dump on me?????
Especially when I am so far superior to you, and you are all SO beneath me! Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  But chickens do come home to roost, dolls!  Who knows, maybe I will bury you in the sand, like Jane metaphorically buries Blanche on the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Either way, darlings, I WILL bury you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Truman Capote, Darlings! He Knew The Score, Just Like Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Before there was the Raving Queen, there was Truman Capote!  Yes darlings, you could say I am a literary descendant  of him, though I have yet to match his brilliance with the the likes of something such as "Breakfast At Tiffany's," " A Christmas Memory," "In Cold Blood," or my personal favorite, "Handcarved Coffins."

                                      Yesterday, ID reran the "Crime To Remember" episode, "The Killing Of Mr. Woodward," detailing the murder of Long Island heir William Woodward of Oyster Bay, back in 1955. Most of my girls, I expect, would know this story better through the late Dominick Dunne's fictionalization of it, entitled "The Two Mrs. Grenvilles."

                                          I have to hand it to Truman and Elsie Woodward.  They saw Roundheels Ann for what she was--cheap Kansas trash on the easy make!  No wonder Elsie whisked Ann's two boys  off to private school in Switzerland; personally, I think they might have fared better at Choate, but she wanted to get them as far away from Ann as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Now, in all fairness, I have to say, some of it was not Ann's fault. Being born into trash is just a matter of circumstance. There is nothing wrong with social mobility, darlings, but it is the degree and moderation of how you do it that is so important. And this is something Ann just did not understand.  Had she been content to be a Kansas department store model--which she made it to--she might have been the creme de la creme of her Kansas environs. But Ann not only set her sights too high, she set them in the wrong, geographic direction.

                                            Ann admitted her idol, growing up, was Joan Crawford. Another piece of roundheels Kansas flotsam that made it!  But, Joan, girls, was more adept than Ann.  Instead of setting her sights on New York, where she would have failed as miserably as Ann, she took off the other way--to the West Coast, California, and, particularly, Hollywood--a place where self-made reinvention is a given, and where lack of breeding can easily be overlooked as long as you sign with the right studio, get a manageable contract, and the right house, in the right neighborhood, with a swimming pool.  Look what it did for Joan!
Had Ann gone this route, who knows? She might have achieved something; hell, she might be alive!

                                                But, darlings, in New York, it is all about breeding, connections, who your family is, and who you know.  Plunging into this shark pool, Ann was in way over her head--and Truman and Elsie knew it.  So, they told the truth!   It is sad that Ann killed herself, but, even then, had she migrated to California, she might still have had a chance. After all, she had been a department store model, which was several steps up already, from being a cheap cocktail waitress, like that Alice Crimmins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   All this makes me want to reread "Answered Prayers."  Hell, I should write my own!  If you think I have here, darlings, you are close, except I have never named names!  But when the time comes, and I do, oh boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Plenty of folk will need to have their prayers answered, then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Says Spoiled Brats Are Confined To California, Darlings??????????????????????????

                                 Everyone is making a big fuss over the latest reality show, "Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills," girls, and I simply do not understand it.  When they appeared on "Bethany," the resentful, working class audience, screamed at them calling them "Spoiled brats," :who were born with "silver spoons in their mouth."

                                  This promotes the wrong idea that only California produces spoiled brats.  Oh, honeys, let me tell you, that is not true.  How about spending some time on the East Coast?  Like New York????

                                     Have you ever dealt with me on a bad day? ( And I had not just a silver spoon, but an entire silver baby eating set, as well!  How do you like that?????)  That is something one should never have to do; even ANNA trembles at the thought.  And who said you had to be Beverly Hills Rich to be a spoiled brat? Take it from a Princess, dolls, it comes with attitude more than wealth.  Not that wealth does not help. But, without attitude, you cannot do a thing.

                                        Take yesterday. You wanna talk attitude?  Well, Monsieur and I were traipsing through one of Brooklyn's Yuppie enclaves--Park Slope--as we could hardly wait to return to the civility of Bay Ridge.  We were walking along, and this woman, walking her baby carriage behind us, kept yelling at us, "Excuse me!  Excuse me!" till I wanted to slap her face. All she wanted was for us to step out of the way, so she could pass, because she was in SUCH a hurry, as what ever SHE was doing was SO important, nothing else in the world mattered.

                                          You know the type--blonde, but not natural, married some artistic type for hot sex and to rebel against her Upper East Side parents, and now downsizing--in Mommy and Daddy's eyes--to Park Slope, where she plays at living a bohemian lifestyle, but who is she kidding--she is still Miss Entitlement Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            This kind of thing happens all over New York City.  You see such ill mannered behavior at the theater, on the subway, anywhere.  First, these people have to realize they are encroaching on MY territory, and,. second, it is not about them, it is all about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               See?  One flip of the switch, and I become a New York Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               So, don't blame California, loves!   At least, not for all this!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Blame it, instead, for cultural erosion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, My God, Girls!!!!!!!!!! NBC Is About To Desecrate The Sacredness Of Mary Martin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  One time Musical Theater historian, Craig Zadan (author of the excellent book "Sondheim And Company"), who now fancies himself a producer, with his partner, Neil Merron, are set to desecrate another musical.  Last year, the result was the abominable Carrie Underwood "Sound Of Music," the  one that killed--yes, it did, darlings!!!--Eleanor Parker, who died, after having watched it!  Carrie was deservedly chided for not being Julie Andrews--I mean, who could be????--but, let us not forget, too, that Mary Martin originated the role of Maria Von Trapp  on the Broadway stage, and, while Julie was superior on film, Carrie was, in no way, the equal of Mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Even  more odd is that, in a way, Mary is to get shafted a second time!  Because the  musical chosen for this year's live presentation on NBC is "Peter Pan," which, to a generation of baby boomers, enjoyed some distinction as a semi-annual TV event, and was the role, like Nellie Forbush in "South Pacific," that came to be identified with Mary Martin more than Maria Von Trapp!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I demand justice for Mary, from beyond  the grave!  Casting has not been announced yet, so let's hope they learned something from "The Sound Of Music."  I could actually see Anne Hathaway doing it--at least she has the acting and singing chops--but she is too feminine, not androgynous enough!!!!!  And Cathy Rigby is just too darned old!!!!!!!  They could not afford the insurance premiums!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 I have no doubt they will muck this classic up, just like the year before!!!!!!!  As long as we are going for casting, here a few choices of my own!!!!  Ridiculous? Yes!  But it makes as much sense as anything this team will probably come up with!

                                    Peter Pan--Jodi Arias
                                    Mes. Darling--Candace De Long
                                    Tiger Lily--Aphrodite Jones
                                    Smee--Christopher Mason
                                    Mr. Darling/Capt. Hook--Lt. Joe Kenda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                    Tinker Bell--Paula Zahn
                                    Nana, the Nursemaid Dog--our beloved Brooklyn dog, Cujo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    It would be murderously funny, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No One Said Diners Were Bastions Of High Class, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!! But There Is No Excuse For This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I was raised in Jersey, girls, so, of course, I know something about diners!  New Jersey, besides being the Garden State, is said to have the most diners in the USA, and the book, "The History Of Diners In New Jersey," by Michael C. Gabriele, was written last year, and a picture book, "Jersey Diners," by Peter Genovese (a REAL Jersey name, darlings!!!!!!!!) came out in 2006.

                            But diners are everywhere.  And last Wednesday, January 15, a hate crime took place that morning, at the Neptune Diner in Astoria, one of the gayest sections of the borough.

                            Go figure!  Two women, and a man, walked in, and began verbally assaulting two diners,-- a 30-year-old transgender woman, and her 32-year-old male companion-- tossing anti-gay slurs at them, culminating in  bashing them over the head with plates!!!!!!!  Believe me, these morons are not literate enough for the film version of "August:Osage County," so I doubt they were influenced by that.  They just struck out with whatever was in front of them!

                             But who gives a shit who sits in a diner in Queens?  What are you gonna get--cooties????????  This trio needs a padded cell!!

                               I also have to wonder if the crime was racially motivated as well.  I don't know the ethnicity of the victims, but the perps look African American.  And race and sexual orientation are the two most explosive motives for attacks in this country!

                                Which says a lot about how backwards we really are!  So much for technology!  Instead of performing mental masturbation on your Smart Phones, go take some civil liberties, or how to deal with people, courses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  I have dined in many diners in Queens, over the years!   But not the Neptune!

                                  Hell, I am not going there, now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!