Merry Christmas, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     
                                              Mother: Dawn!  Come see what Santa brought you!
                                              Dawn:  Oh, Christ!  I'm coming!
                                              --"Female Trouble" (1974)

                                        Girls, I am almost as excited as Dawn, because, for the first time in the history of this blog, I am writing a genuine Christmas post, on Christmas Day.  The reason for this is we--David and I--are at home, in Brooklyn, due to illness, preventing us from making the trip.

                                           Due to the technical differences of my sister's computer, which I cannot do the things with my blog I can on here, I never posted, once we were there.  This year, most unfortunately, we are not!

                                        Last night, we watched the Yule Log, "Homicide For The Holidays," and other fun things.  I could not stomach "It's A Wonderful Life."  A beautifully made and acted film; should be seen by all once, but I have issues with it.

                                         However, I want you all to have the best Christmas you can, in your own way!!!!!!!!!!

                                          And here are two special ways to remember this day!

                                         Merry Christmas, one and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Now....At Last...The Winner Of The Most Vulgar, Tasteless, Vintage Game!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vintage Board Game #24--"Feely Meely!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                            I swear to God, darlings, I knew absolutely no one who owned this one.  Or would even admit to doing so.  I can recall when I first saw it on display in the toy store.  I thought it was the dumbest, tasteless thing imaginable.

                               And to charge money for this?  You could take a cardboard box, cut rounded holes in the sides, use whatever is at home on hand to stick things inside, even make the curtains yourselves!  Amy Sedaris could pull this together in a second.  And hers would be better than the cheap thing, manufactured here.  I swore, at the time, I would never have this in my house.  And I kept my word.

                               Today, that applies to a copy of Philip Roth's novel, "Portnoy's Complaint."

                               Let's face it, dolls!  The holes foreshadowed glory holes. And, I am sure, before this game ran its course, kids were putting all kinds of vulgar material inside the box!  I am not even going to go there.

                                This was the most sexualized children's game of all time!  Of course, that is just my opinion.  But I AM The Raving Queen!  Let me just say, with nude "Twister," one knew what one was dealing with, and could opt out, anytime.  With this, once your hand goes into the box--Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Feel this, you morons!  It is games like this that Milton Bradley was reduced to manufacturing that put them out of business!

                                The person who came up with idea should have been fired!  Hopefully, retired by now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  This was how low kids' games could go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon It Will Be Christmas Eve, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                       Yes, and thanks to the suffering of illness on both parts this past week, we are having a novelty Christmas--at home.  Normally, we would be at my sister's in PA, but between my returning energy, and the nursing home on lock down, we are here for the stay.

                        See our pretty Bay Ridge cottage?  That is how it looks right now, and we are awaiting the arrival of Christmas, which is the birth of Jesus.  Just think of  us, all warm and cozy, inside our Bay Ridge cottage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           We may even hang stockings by the chimney.  Baby Gojira, who is so excited we are going to be home for Christmas,  cannot wait to see what Santa brings him!  He hopes for a pink sectional, or bedroom set, all for his very own!

                            Later, he will be tucked in for the night.  I hope visions of sugar plums dance in his head.  Last night, Gothic visions of murdered horror and insane asylums, with undesirable relations, danced in mine.

                             Later, David and I will settle into our bed for the long Christmas map.  That is me on the left, already asleep.  I took my Klonopin.  David is reaching to turn out the night light.  We go through this every night, but only on Christmas Eve, at home, will he hop out of bed, to see what is going on, outside our charming Bay Ridge cottage.

                                   And that is our Christmas Eve, at home, for 2017. Memorable for location, among so many other things.  Enjoy yours, darlings, wherever you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now We Are Getting Down To The Nitty Gritty!!!!!!!!!!!! Vintage Board Game #23--"Twister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                 This game instantly drew children in.  First, there was the colorful and large, especially for a child, playing board, almost a sort of mat that took up a good deal of the room played in.  Then there were those multi-colored dots, against the stark white background.  And the title, framed on each side, in red.

                                   The other big draw with "Twister," and this was especially applicable with me, was its being billed as "a stocking feet game," where players had to remove their shoes.  I was always one for doing this; I found shoes confining; hell, I would have gone barefoot all the time, if I could.

                                    So "Twister" allowed a kind of physical comfort that most children weren't, with other games.  It felt cool and freeing, but there was a down side to this.

                                      What if you were entwined on the board, and another person's butt was sticking right in your face?

                                       Uh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        I cannot say who or when or how, but someone, at one point, must have discovered the sexual component to this game, and before you knew it, this was the most popular thing, at adult swingers' parties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I am sure it made the gay party circuit as well.  I only played "Twister" the regular way; guess I cared too much about hygiene and crabs to play it with just anyone.

                                         Here is what such a game would have looked like!

                                  Imagine being tied up in knots, with these guys, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   To think even a children's game manufacturer taught us early that sex sells!!!!!!!!

What If The Games Got Even Wilder?????????? Vintage Board Game #22--"Line-O-Coke!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                             From sex, it's just a short step, to drugs.  And who needs sex, when there is drugs?

                             Or is it the other way around?

                              What a brilliant concept!  A "Do-It-Yourself-Cocaine Kit!!!!!!!!!"  While the children's parents are exchanging residential keys at swinger parties, their very own offspring are learning to snort their troubles away!   Perfect!!!!!!!!!!!

                                I have to wonder how this game would have worked.  I imagine it would come supplied with powdered sugar, or would one be required to free base.  And how would that be explained?  And could the children be trusted to do so, without setting the house afire?  Forget narcotics; this could be a pyromaniac's dream.

                                I myself would prefer the narcotics.  And it would not be long, until the supplied powdered sugar would run out, leading to the use of the supermarket product, then leading to trips out to the street, in order to......

                                           SCORE SOME ACTUAL BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 This game would blow children's minds, and fry their brains!   Had I owned this game, I never would be carrying on today about my adolescence, because, hell, I wouldn't even remember it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Milton Bradley really missed the boat, on not manufacturing this one!

                                   Who scores the most?  The highest?  Who could tell, by the end of the game?

             

After "Mystery Date," Milton Bradley Began Upping The Ante!!!!!!!!! Vintage Board Game #21--"Teen-Time!!!!!!!!!!!"

                            I never owned this game, darlings, let alone heard of it, but one thing I can tell you from the get-go, the cover alone tells me this game is both sexual and sexist.

                            Which makes it vintage and kind of fun, in a reverse sort of way.  Like watching Ruth Roman and her daughters menace David Manzy, in "The Baby."

                               Now, the concept of the picture is straight out of the soda sipping shot between Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland, in "Love Finds Andy Hardy," back in 1938.

                                But look at the girl.  Notice how cunningly her hair is styled, with that flower to the side.  A sleeveless dress?  And shift boquettes?

                                Not to mention what is running through her mind.  This poor, innocent male bloke has no idea what he is in for.  He does not realize this will turn out to be more than a date.

                                   All revealed by the cover.  I wonder what the game board looks like?

                                   I honestly could not find this game board, and I bet it was too racy to show.

                                   But the look on her face, says it all, "I'll let him knock me up, and then he will have to marry me!"

                                   What some girls wouldn't do to ensure a future, back then!

                                     Its subtitle should have been "The Game Of Marital Entrapment!!!!!!!!!!"

If An Unpublished Manuscript Sequel To D. H. Lawrene's "Lady Chatterly's Lover" Was Discovered And Published, It Would Be Entitled "The Gardener Wears A Bra!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          I mean, Lawrence knew everyone has sexual fantasies about the working class, but when "Lady Chatterly's Lover" came out, he pushed the envelope right there, by acknowledging them.  The lady in question got her fantasy, but it was NOT the thing for one of her social class to do.
Same with E.M. Forester's "Maurice."  Same still applies, today, darlings!  Sex with the hired help is taboo and declasse!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         So, I wondered, what if Lawrence had written a sequel?  How would it have played out?

                         It would still have been declasse, but. I can tell you this--for the sequel to work, the ante would have to be upped.

                          The hunky gardener (whom I first envisioned as Liam Nelson, but, having aged out, would have to go with Ryan Gosling, though he is not as hunky as Liam) would kick things up a bit, like wearing a bra and crotchless panties, celebrating the feminine side of himself, while his female partner is a dominatrix, celebrating her masculine side with a dildo and whip, all of which is used on him.

                           And, of course, it all takes place, in an English Country Garden!

                           So, the next time you hear that lovely ditty, think of D. H. Lawrence, and "undiscovered sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                           Here it is, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!