Thursday, January 24, 2008

Girls, How Is One Supposed To Entertain Without A Full Staff!!!!

I mean, darlings, come on!

Last night I was forced to entertain my vastly intellectual book group singlehandedly. Girls, it shouldn't happen to us. This kind of entertaining went out with the dark ages of Ozzie and Harriet? Do you think Janice and Annette entertain without a staff? How about the Bouviers???
Even Patty and Selma!!!!!

Girls, at least the evening was a success. But I needed an attractive male something in a tux to answer the door, another to serve in the kitchen dressed as a French maid--in this case wearing a jock strap-- another to take my phone calls and maintain my appointments, and another to see to my window treatments and seasonally change the shower curtains. Is this too much to ask?

But darlings the discussion flew! Everything from Miss Havisham to politics!!!!! And don't forget the clean up crew afterward, all of whom are attractive men who look like the cast of Harold Craig's 2001 classic "Pumped Up." If my curtains aren't cleaned when I order them someone is going to get more than pumped!

Don't we just love being a bitch, girls! Now THAT is what' fun! The milk of human kindness flows in my veins! See you later, girls!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Girls, Those Fingernails!!!!!!!


Alas with a new year comes also a slew of deaths and we have had our first major death of the year--and it is a sad one: none other than Malia Nurmi, known to a generation of us as "Vampira!" She died of natural causes at 86 but the sadness of her passing is the elimination of another key memory of the baby boomer generation. Girls, I can't tell you how I thrilled to her appearances in "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (featuring Dudley Manlove!!!!!) on "Chiller Theater on Saturday nights, where I saw such iconic classics as "Daughter of Dr. Jekyll" and "She Demons." As for Vampria, how I wanted to look like her! I mean, that waistline!!! And those fingernails!!!! I still want those fingernails!!!!!

Vampira and Brad Renfro--the River Phoenix death of his generation--have already embedded themselves in 2008's history as its first prime death. Now girls let us all embed ourselves in facial cream and get ourselves beautiful--use those gift certificates at Georgette Klinger--because spring is coming and darlings we have to be ready with our Easter Bonnets and then our bathing suits by the Beautiful Sea!!! This bathing beauty is always ready to be saved by a hunky lifeguard and whisked off to Great Neck!!!!!

Oh do it to me big boy!!!!!!!

Love you all, Girls!!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Happy New Year, Darlings

Girls, I simply couldn't write yesterday, what with gadding about seeing films and drinking Bloody Marys not to mention sleeping off those from earlier the night before. Yes it is 2008 and girls we are looking forward to fun, fashions and books. We are also looking ahead to a husband and a Tudor house in Great Neck. Girls, this girl wants to fly from the land of carbon paper to the land of flowered chintz, because let me tell you twelve days away from the workplace makes me reluctant to deal with all the bullshit I will have to when I get back. I don't mean the work itself--I mean people who are so frustrated they see themselves as managers of capability that they are NOT and blame everyone and everything else around them on it instead of themselves!!! Girls, this bitch has had it with these bitches and 2008 may just be the year where I tell these losers what they need to hear!!!

But time marches on; hell we made it through one day already so we just keep marching to the
other 300 plus more. So let us welcome 2008 and overcome those obstacles we will have to deal with. Who knows, they may disappear on us and isn't that a nice thought!!!

Cheers, Girls!!!!