Monday, January 31, 2011

Darlings, Bye, Bye, January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, today we have made it one twelfth of the way through 2011!!!!!!!! Who knows what will follow in the other eleven???? And I am telling you, in spite of the holiday downswing, there was fun aplenty, what with Monsieur's birthday, "The Divine Sister,' Dim Sum, "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte........" darlings, a social whirlwind, as usual.

February has some things on the horizon, like Valentine's Day (yummy!!!!) and getting together with Donna for our annual tax session. Not to mention tomorrow night is Candlemass Eve, which I will enlighten you on more tomorrow. But also on the horizon is my upcoming......colonoscopy. Honey, I am telling you, I am so anxious I may watch "The Song of Bernadette" with Monsieur a good two months ahead of the Easter Sunday deadline, when one is supposed to watch it. Perhaps the miracle of Jennifer Jones will transfer itself over to the colonscopy!!!!! Lord, I hope so.

But I am so lucky to have Monsieur with me every step of the way, and I praise God every day for that. Don't forget to praise all the loved ones in your life, girls!!!!! I promise a BIG message this Sunday, prior to my procedure, so watch for it, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Onward with 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, The Basis Of Some Fancies Is Truth!!!!!!!!!!

All right, girls, yesterday you heard about those miscreants, the Gonnellas. Poor Janice, a middle aged spinster; you know, the kind who humbly sits at the back of the church after every Mass, and you better believe lights the candles and helps set up. For spinster Janice, this is action!!!!!!!!!!! And atonement for her high school sin.

Now, this community of mine, Highland Park, prided itself on being so much. Cultural, enlightened--located not far from New York City, and near two colleges, Rutgers and Princeton, and so attractive looking (at least the right parts of town) that butter would not melt in its mouth. Gag me with a spoon. Because, as one sage would eventually write, it seemed like Lumberton, the fictional town in David Lynch's 1986 film, "Blue Velvet," where everything was not as it seemed. That is because it WAS!!!! Girls, I am telling you, the very first time I saw "Blue Velvet," I said to myself, "THAT is Highland Park!"

And what I am now to relate bore this out. For, in the spring of 1987, an event took place that shook the foundations of this traditionally staid community, and caused such a sensation it made the front pages of the Daily News and New York Post, which I discovered for myself, darlings, living now well beyond Highland Park, in the far off land, of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

The incident involved one of the best known citizens, Mr. Donahue, and his family. Mr. Donahue taught history while I was in high school (I believe he at the time was Department Chairman, but eventually worked his way up from the ranks, becoming a guidance counselor, Administrative Aide, Assistant Principal, Principal, and then Superintend ant--the whole gamut. I never had Mr. Donahue in school, but recognized him by sight from when I was a child, and would go to Mass at St. Paul's Church, with my father. Mr. D would be there every Sunday, overseeing the collection plates. He was an active community participant. As one writer stated later on, "He was the epitome of small town virtue." Which was true. And this is what, unfortunately, did him in.

Mr. Donahue had a teen aged daughter, in 1987, who at one time, had been dating this boy, who clearly was a "bad boy" type, and whom had been helped through high school by him; as one person said, if not for Donahue, this boy would not have graduated. Things went south with the young couple, and I suppose the daughter broke things off. At one point, on a Valentine's Day, of all things, darlings, he was arrested for, basically, stalking her. It went to court, and the option was given--prison or counseling. Mr. Donahue pleaded for counseling, believing, as he would, that it could help. Which it seemed to, for a time, until that fateful May night in 1987!!!!!!

What triggered the young man at the time I can not say, but before you could say "Fatal Attraction," he and the girl (he must have approached her) got into an argument outside the house. She wanted him to go away. She tried to go in by the back door, but the boy forced his way in, and Mr. Donahue, intervening, got between them on the stairs, when, suddenly, the boy pulled out a hunting knife (now what was he doing with THAT on him, I want to know????) and before anyone knew, plunged it into Mr. Donahue's stomach. Screams and such followed, the boy ran off, attempted suicide, failed, was arrested, while Mr. Donahue was rushed to the hospital (St. Peter's, I am sure), where he eventually died at the age of 55!!!!!! Younger than yours truly is, right now!!!! (Though my PROFESSIONAL age, lambs, is still 24!!!!)

A classmate of mine, who became a prominent journalist, wrote a piece on this incident, and how the community was touched and pulled together in the wake of this tragedy and the funeral/Memorial that followed. It was well written, but, as typical of someone who was accepted by this community (which I never felt I was) idealized. Had I written the piece, it would have been darker, more penetrating, and might have gone something like this.

Mr. Donahue truly did personify small town virtue. But by buying into the myth, it destroyed him, because he could not see the evil that was about him. I have already questioned the possession of the knife, but what I also questioned at the time was the daughter's behavior. Why would she have gone out in the first place with so unsavory a character???? Could she have had "bad boy" syndrome??? Could she have been choking and straining at the bit her traditionalist father was forcing down her adolescent mouth, and this was her way of rebelling???? I cannot prove this concretely, but I would guess this is pretty close to truth, because children of ultra conservative parents ultimately DO rebel!!!!! Again, look at Janice Gonnella!!!!!!!!

So my dream was triggered mainly by subconscious recollections of this incident, coupled with the legend of Janice, coupled with my extremely ambiguous feelings about the town I was raised in!!!!! Were Mr. Donahue alive today, he would be 79 (and he should be alive!!!!) and I have no doubt still residing in Highland Park!!!!!!!!!!

Which goes to prove there is always a secret underbelly to the seeming tranquility of American suburban life. Grace Metalious knew the score, honey!!!!!!

And, thanks to moi, my girls do, too!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Darlings, Please Buy Our Corn Flakes!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, if you, like me, are of a certain age, who can forget the General Mills commercial for New Country Corn Flakes, in which a man and woman, posed and dressed in a manner replicating Grant Wood's classic painting "American Gothic", entreated the public to buy their product!!!!! Talk about American sexual repression at its worst!!!!!! No wonder this was the era in which folk such as Janice Gonnella were ruined.

This thought came as readily to me today as a fever dream, and I thought back to it, and how, ever since I see that painting, I associate it first and foremost with this commercial. Because it is also advertising the repressive American values of the era in which it appeared, never mind the painting. And wouldn't you know, lambs, that Grant Wood, whose biography appeared last year, turned out to be a big old homosexual!!!!! Hell, concerning his painting, he could not have been too pretty, which was part of the problem!!!!! No wonder he kept it secret.

But, lambs, those of a certain age just love "American Gothic," which represents what we all must stay away from!!!!!

Eat those corn flakes now, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Let Us Examine The Mystery Of Janice Gonnella!!!!!!!!

Girls, remember when I told the story of Janice and the Gonnellas on Christmas Day???? Who would think that name would ever be heard on here, again???? You never expected THAT, did you, loves???? But several nights ago, I had a dream that brought the whole Janice Gonnella situation back into the light, again!!!! And I found some actual things out, to boot!!!!!

The dream was structured like an 'SVU' episode; no surprise there, since I watch a lot of THAT!!!! I was in my hometown of Highland Park, New Jersey, with a police partner--no, I don't know who specifically, except it was a man--and we were investigating the apparent disappearance of Janice Gonnella. Apparently, Janice was supposed to meet a group of friends in Donaldson Park for a 28th Anniversary celebration or something (I don't know what). But according to whom we talked to, Janice never showed up. One of the women said if we wanted to get closer to the truth about Janice, we should talk to this girl, Cindy, who lived by herself, raising her child as a single parent, in the Ansonia Apartments on North Fifth Avenue. But before doing that, we went to the last known town residence of the Gonnellas--a huge brick apartment building on the corner of Graham Street and South First Avenue. What had been the Gonnella apartment was now completely abandoned--not a furnished item or crumb speck left. Janice and the Gonnellas had just......vanished!!!!!!!!!

So we went and spoke to Cindy, who looked something like Lisbeth Salander in "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo," with spiked black Goth clothing bordering on slut, tattoos and rings aplenty. She confirmed that Janice never arrived, and she told what really happened.

Cindy knew about the event in the park. She was en route there, herself. She knew about Janice's and the Gonnellas' tarnished reputation. But where the rest of them were smart enough to cow their heads and leave town in disgrace, not Janice. She continued to remain in Highland Park, pulling her purer than thou act, but dating all sorts of bad boy band boys and biker dudes, many of whom she would meet at either that cheap White rose, or local bars!!!!! Because Highland Park is, and will always be, a microcosmic Peyton Place!!!!!!

Cindy followed Janice that day down to the park, where she saw her meet up with one of these dudes, in a remote section, away from the main event. The two--now adults, began to climb the children's slide. Janice was in front, and as she sat down, the dude got behind her, and wrapped his legs around her, so they would go down together. According to Cindy, wrapped boys legs was no strange thing to Janice. But when they tried going down, the slide tipped over, sprawling them out on the ground, unconscious. The dude regained consciousness, saw the rigid body of Janice lying there, bleeding, the blood pouring pouring out onto the ground from the top of her head. He panicked, and walked away. Cindy ran to try and help Janice, and it was then a huge bus pulled up, and then drove away. When it went, Cindy said, she and Janice were gone.

No one knows what happened to Janice. Or if she is still alive. And that was basically how the dream went. I awoke, wanting to know more. So I decided to find out more for myself. I looked up that Joe Gonnella, and found he is still skulking around New Jersey!!!! But get this!!!!! A degree in Comparative Literature from Rutgers. I can believe the Rutgers part, darlings, but literature??? I had Joe in some classes, and I never saw him read a book in his life, or pop into the town library or book store, which were my homes away from home. And now I found that Joe--he of the same, round faced sleazoid look that tries to be innocent at the same time, but never fools me for a second--is Vice President of Marketing Something Or Other at Barnes And Noble!!!!! I mean, you have GOT to be kidding. And I could tell by his picture, he is on some kind of down low trajectory, espousing Christian books and all, while skulking into peep shows and such, on the sly!!!!!! Once a Gonnella, always a Gonnella!!!!!!!!!!

But imagine my shock when I searched for Janice, who would be 54 today, and found her to be.........STILL living in Highland Park!!!!!! Honey, what kind of a life is that????? The fact she still uses her maiden name makes spinsterhood likely, unless she just uses it professionally, which I think is unlikely. Poor Janice; her reputation was never restored, and she stayed on to either do penitence, slut around, or both. My guess is she remains in her childhood home, an aging Catholic spinster, taking care of her aged parents, forever playing the role of the Good Daughter. But some of us out there know differently, Janice, just as we know the truth about Joe, and the actual story of where the components of this dream sprang from!!!!

Which is for another time, darlings!!!! Kiss! Kiss to my girls!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Darlings, Let Us Not Forget The Importance Of Class Distinctions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Chop! Chop!, Sweet Charlotte!
Chop him, till he's dead!
Chop! Chop!, Sweet Charlotte!
Chop off his hand and head!!!!"

Girls, let me tell you, yesterday was too much. Imagine, an unprecedented second snow day in one winter for all us weary workers, giving yours truly the opportunity to rest, read Rue, plan my wardrobe, find a Bitch Of The Week, and then by evening, saunter out with all the other obsessive queens to the Clearview Chelsea, for the weekly Classics screening of "Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte!" Sweeties, I am telling you, what a hoot!!!!!!!!!

This film is truly a revelation, darlings, because, beneath the Gothic trappings, it is first and foremost a film about class distinctions. And if that white trash upstart Miriam Deering had maintained hers, things would not have turned out as they did.

Let's face it, girls--

John Mayhew was obviously the white trash counterpart of Miriam Deering. Jewel, like Charlotte, was the daughter of Southern gentry, which is why John married her. It always puzzled me what John thought he was going to get away with--if he ran off with Charlotte, he would lose Jewel and her money; if he succeeded in marrying Charlotte, he would have gotten Big Sam Hollis', but with the latter breathing down the other's neck, that was not about to happen, anyway. And one of the women would have had to lose their man. Instead, everyone ends up losing something or someone here.

So John marries Jewel for her wealth, and to pound some legit pussy. Not that that stopped him from pounding non-legit, and I bet, darlings, he and Sam Hollis passed each other many an evening going up and down stairs at the local brothels. So each knew what the other was.

Sam Hollis, additionally, whether he realized it or not, had incestuous designs on his daughter. No, he did not act upon them, BUT they were there which is why not only did he not want his daughter to marry John, he did not want her to marry ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John carries on with Charlotte. Miss Trash Miriam squeals to Sam, who refuses to believe a socially inferior wench. But when Jewel herself comes calling on Sam, he cannot refute the truth. What I think Bitch Miriam set in motion was for Sam to tell Jewel to murder her husband. At the party, there are repeated shots of Sam walking about the grounds. He is watching and waiting for John to get to the summerhouse, so he can tell Jewel to go ahead--which she does. Charlotte finds the dead John, loses it at the party, in that blood saturated dress, and everyone, of course, thinks she did it. While she assumes her father did. All the fault of a scheming white trash bitch who would not stay in her place.

Darlings, I used to wonder if maybe Miriam was not Charlotte's cousin, but Sam's illegitimate daughter. Her mother was a sorry up-North waitress, whom Sam could easily have had a dalliance with on a business trip, and impregnated. But the film clearly states her father's name is Deering, probably a relation on her mother's side. And one who married below his station. But a lot of people in this film seem to go below their station, or want to--Jewel with John, Charlotte ditto, Drew with Miriam. Once Deering is dead, Miriam's mother probably (maybe her husband had told her to, in event of his death) wrote to Sam for money, and Sam, faced with a family scandal, decides to buy the slut off, and raise the child in genteel surroundings, while never letting Miriam forget she should be grateful for being removed from the gutter, and that she will NEVER be the equal of Charlotte. But, no, entitlement bitch Miriam thinks she is better--a mistake social trash often make! Believe me, I know, darlings, having been forced to associate with some trash in an earlier life. And this proves to be Miriam's lifelong downfall.

Charlotte and Miriam are both simmering with resentments, and, girls, I just love the dinner table scene, where Bette and Olivia let them fly loose!!!!!!!!
Charlotte resents losing John (the only romance this spinster has), and while she is her Daddy's devoted daughter, she also resents him for taking John from her, which fuels an anger she often takes out on other people. Miriam, from the get go, resents not being treated the way she thinks she deserves; instead of being grateful for the clothes bought for her at the second string store, which is a step up from Good Will, where her mother would have shopped, she wants to shop at the high end store, like Charlotte. Who does Missy just think she is?????????

What only Charlotte seems to know, which we hear her say twice is "John never even..." meaning, despite what the town thinks, the relationship was never consummated. Plenty of cuddling and petting, but no going all the way. Charlotte was not trash, like Miriam.

And that trash continues to worm her way into the gentry by making a play for Drew Bayliss. Only now she is less interested romantically than in having a needed accomplice and someone she can hold things over, as Drew, whose Southern male ego allows him to think Miriam wishes to revive their relationship, finds out to his detriment at the final moment. Drew may be Southern gentry, but his instincts are sleazy--he probably over charges and over medicates his patients. So when scandal erupts, socially prominent Drew rightfully drops Miriam. And she flees to Paris, spending the next four decades plotting vengeance on all!!!!!!!!!

Much is made of John's dismembered head and head, which are never found. I know where they are, darlings!!!!!!! The answer lies with Jewel Mayhew, and William Faulkner's short story, "A Rose For Emily."

Dolls, I am telling you, who would think such a gushy Gothic meller would have so much to discuss. In 'Baby Jane', what wasn't told can be found in the original Henry Farrell novel, but since 'Charlotte' was written directly for the screen, by Farrell and 'Jane' scripter Lukas Heller, it remains for the viewer and his/her perceptions to fill in the unsaid.

There are so many parallels to 'Baby Jane', loves. Like when Velma (the great Agnes Moorehead) returns to the house, to rescue Miss Charlotte, only to get killed for her efforts, like Elvira (Maidie Norman) in 'Jane.' Both film' endings are shot the same way, with crowds convening on the place, running towards Charlotte when she appears, and closing with a final pullback long shot.

Cecil Kellaway's scene with the note is brilliant; he recites its contents to a cynical New York reporter, thereby explaining the contents to the audience, giving away the BIG secret, and the reporter is too unfocused to realize he is being handed the scoop of his life.

I would like to say that I now believe the girl in white gloves seen at the beginning party, played by Alida Aldrich (the director's daughter) is NOT Miriam. Rather, the writers want us to think it is. But it could not be, because Miriam is out by the summerhouse watching Jewel chop up Drew.

But any way you slice it, this story relates to my life. Because I came from the RIGHT side of town, the North side, where class distinctions ruled. Let me tell you, if one of the girls from unspeakable Goat Alley had tried to marry a boy from Harrison Avenue, such social impropriety would not have been tolerated!!!!!! As well it should not!!!!!!!!!! And I know, from being forced at times to associate with trash, ofttimes in my own family. So this film is a cautionary tale for all Miriams to stay in your place and don't try to rise above the trash you really are, because sooner or later, you will always be found out!!!!!!

Just LOVE this film, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Darlings, What Is The Key To Unlocking The Human Heart?????

No, girls, I am not specifically talking here about Carson McCullers, though, let me say, few American writers were so skilled at examining the more delicate emotions among the Human Condition. With that skill, were she alive today, it would be interesting to hear what Miss McCullers would say on whom I am specifically going to talk about--Tyler Clementi.

The facts out there are still inconclusive. So when a fellow poster tells me elsewhere that Tyler was "an internally weak person" who would probably have killed himself anyway at some point in time, I bristle at this, the fact remains I cannot fully prove that he would not. Or that the poster is right. Anymore than I can prove to he, the poster, my assertion (which I stand by) that, had the incident with the video streamlining NOT happened, Tyler would still be here, and not one of us would have heard of him. Again, who is right, and who is wrong, darlings?????? I will give ONE clue, though--if you are reading this, you are engaged with the Raving Queen, and you know where I stand, honey!!!!!!!

Two items recently read state assertively that Tyler Clementi could have been saved. One writer speaks of his quest for action, describing him as one "who refused to be a victim, and stood up for himself,". OK, fine, so how come he is dead????? Another maintains that when Tyler texted his final Facebook entry, friends on the site tried to talk him out of it. Now comes a writer who says, and I agree, that Facebook should have some sort of reporting system in place, so that when emergencies like this arise, site administrators can be alerted, so that they, in turn, can alert others. Had this been in place last September 22, Facebook could have alerted security guards on the George Washington Bridge, who could then have intercepted Tyler. Which would have been a blessing for all.

What the first piece hints at is something I have held all along--the key to unraveling the mystery of Tyler Clementi is to understand what went on during the last fifteen hours of his life. What caused the transition, in that time, from one who seemed to be thinking rationally, taking actions, standing up for himself, to later texting that apocryphal message--"jumping off the GW bridge. Sorry." And just when did that transition take place, and what caused it to come about???? Only then can we hope to arrive at any conclusions. There are so many pieces of the puzzle--like his statement that "Revenge never ends well for me,"--which are seemingly laid out on the table, but the piece which would give them a concrete fit has yet to be found. Even before suspicions rose that he might have killed himself, and before the discovery of the body confirmed that tragic fact, people were wondering about his sudden disappearance, and why no one seemed to be doing anything about it. The mystery began even before the deed had been done!!!!!!

Had Tyler been able to be intercepted at the bridge, he may have resisted, but ultimately would, I believe, have been glad for that fact. In some way, his final posting was a cry for some kind of help, and, of course, closure and confirmation for his family and friends, should the body not have been discovered. And if intercepted, his story may have gotten out, obviously on a more positive spin, but with some answers which may have come from Tyler himself.

But it it did not turn out that way, and people still want answers. And until things are somehow proven more conclusively, unanswers will remain.

Tyler Clementi was not the first person to jump off the George Washington Bridge. Unfortunately, he probably will not be the last. Unquestionably, he will remain the best known, most famous, having now passed from media figure into iconic status, into folk myth and song. People are going to be writing and thinking about Tyler for years. Personally, I wonder about that next September 22, the anniversary of his death. Will there be bridge pilgrimages that day, or eve???? Already, I am thinking about it, darlings!!!!! Will there by "Tyler sightings" on that bridge, just as, in song, there have been sightings of "Joe Hill?" Only time will tell.

And only Time, on its own terms, can give us any answers. I wish Tyler were here. I wish Miss McCullers were, too. But as long as writers keep writing and thinking about him, the hope, the possibility of arriving at an answer, becomes more and more certain.

Darlings, This Bitch Can't Even Face Herself In The Mirror!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, when you can't face yourself in a mirror, THAT is a bitch!!!! At least after the last two ugly dudes I bought you, we have a trace of glamour. But this bitch is also "heartless and cruel."

The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch of the Week award is the Wicked Queen from "Snow White." Which, of course, is Disney's "Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs," his groundbreaking 1937 animation classic. Honey, I can tell you this bitch's number, right off. When Snow White's mother died, and her father, the King, searched for a wife, she came on to him, with her glamour and beauty. She probably even showed him a hot old time; I mean, around the world, and all that,but you can bet this was never covered in Grimm's, and it sure as hell was not about to be covered in Disney!!!!! Then, after the honeymoon, she clamps up, and things get down to business. The King is stuck with a shrew, she hates Snow White for her youth and purity, her Magic Mirror lies to her all the time, telling her she is the fairest of them all, when, let's face it, she is so NOT. Which proves that the Magic Mirror was a big old gay thing himself!!!!! He probably thought himself the fairest, but at least he did not want to kill Snow White.

Which the bitch Queen does, and tries to, but she gets her comeuppance, reducing herself to an ugly old crone (now the Mirror is fairer than she, for sure!!!!), striking out with the Poisoned Apple routine, and being chased by those dwarfs (who dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig waddda wadda wo!!!!) till she plunges into a bottomless gulch, disappearing forever. I always thought that meant she spent Eternity falling. Good for her!!!!!!!

But at least for three fourths of the story she has that glamorous aura, which is why she is being honored as Bitch of the Week. One of Fiction's classic characters, one of Disney's iconic villains, I would love to see the Wicked Queen lock horns with Anna!!!! I bet it would be a draw, or Anna would tear her apart.

My friend Steven could play the Queen's role, even though he is a lamb!!!!! Nevertheless, whenever we greet each other, we always call out, "You vicious Queen!!!!!!"

Hope all my Queens are vicious today!!!! Enjoy your day off, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Darlings, "I KNow It's A Rotten Business.....But I LOVE It!!!!"

Now, I know none of my girls will ever forget that line, spoken by Patty Duke as Neely O'Hara (again, MY role, loves!!!!!!!!) in the iconic gay (or maybe gay iconic) classic film, "Valley Of The Dolls." Honey, Patty/Neely is right; show biz is rough; as the adage goes, there is a broken heart for every light on Broadway. And, as Eli Wallach once added, "But what about all the broken lights?"

There are, indeed, rotten people in the biz. But there are also some wonderful individuals with amazing talent, poise, and graciousness. And with my girls, I want to talk about one of these--someone who I am sure theater mavens, Queens, call us what you will, of a Certain Age, will know.

The great Josie De Guzman.

Josie's name came up in conversation out of the blue, about a year ago. I was discussing theater with my friend Rob, a wonderful choreographer. He had trained, in dance, at the Boston Conservatory of Music, and he mentioned having gone to school with Josie. I nearly fell off my chair, so impressed was I by Rob's association with this theatrical great. And Rob was astounded that I knew who she was. Darlings, of course!!!!!!! He also went on to explain, while he was in the Dance program, Josie was in Musical Theater, was adored by all both for her talent and graciousness, and people knew she would be going places. Which she did.

But this is how it began, with me. Back in 1978, at the tender age of 23, (though my PROFESSIONAL age now is STILL 24!!!!!!) two shows were causing a sensation on the theater scene--the Fats Waller musical, "Ain't Misbehavin'," which moved to Broadway from its original venue at the Manhattan Theater Club, and Elizabeth Swados' "Runaways," which, like the highly successful "A Chorus Line" before it, was an ensemble piece which began at the Public Theater and moved to the (I still remember) Plymouth Theatre (now renamed either the Jacobs or Schoenfield) on Broadway. "Runaways" interested me greatly, primarily because its cast and creators were, like moi at the time, so young. I saw the show at a Saturday matinee in late May, 1978, which was memorable for several reasons. Concerning the show, it still remains a highlight of my theatergoing career. Utilizing a confessional/conceptual format clearly influenced the success of "A Chorus Line," an ethnically diverse (which even then was rather daring for its time) of young Runaways, stepped forward to tell their stories in song and dance. The entire thing was all the more remarkable for the fact that Swados, then 27, had put together the entire project herself--- --concept, score, direction, choreography--and she was only 27, plus a woman, to boot, in the still male dominated world of New York Theater. She was truly a pioneer. And that cast--some of whom went on, some of whom have vanished--Trini Alvarado (whose "Lullaby From Baby To Baby" was a highlight), Diane Lane ( we know where she is now, don't we, girls???), Evan Miranda ("I am the Undiscovered Son of Judy Garland," which you know a lot of us Queens wanted to be!!!! Or thought we were!!!!!!!!), Carlo (then A.J.) Imperato, whose breathy rendition of "Ev'ry Now and Then," still takes my breath away today when I listen to it on CD, David Schecther, Bruce Hilibok (who, being deaf, signed for those people requiring such watching the show), who unfortunately died of AIDS, Bernie Allison and his skateboard, David Schechter (where is he today, I wonder???), Karen Evans', whose recitation of "To The Dead Of Family Wars" was show stopping, and Rachel Kelly, who eventually replaced Diane Lane.

The cast was both raw and professional, and to incorporate a more professional sound, Swados weaved through the cast a group of professionally trained actors, who, one person connected to the production when young told me, were known as "the Ringers." One of these was David Schecter, and another was Josie De Guzman, who, the now older cast member told me, everyone adored, and helped keep the company going much of the time.

I will never forget when Josie suddenly stepped out of the Ensemble in the show. Playing a young girl named Lidia, she began to sing a song about trying to keep her junkie boyfriend awake until help comes, rather than pass out and O.D. The song was the haunting "No Lullabies For Luis," it had an almost salsa beat which Josie sang and danced to, superbly, with a voice that I thought at the time was the most compelling in musical theater I had ever heard, and thirty some years later, remains such. It was truly one of those heartstopping, throat catching theater moments we Queens yearn for, and, God Bless Josie, she went for the gold with this one. It was a revelatory moment in my theatergoing experience. And I resolved to keep my eyes open for the next appearance of this compelling talent.

Josie continued to trod the boards, in the ill-fated "Carmelina," which, sadly, I missed, as it did not run long enough for me to get to see it. But she triumphed in 1980 as Maria in the revival of "West Side Story," with both she and Debbie Allen (as Anita) being the shining beacons here, earning for both a Tony nomination.

And then, much to our consternation, Josie disappeared. "Where is she?", we cried. She emerged in 1992, as Sarah Brown in the Nathan Lane revival of "Guys and Dolls," where she singlehandedly took owenership of this role away from its originator, Isabel Bigley, because Josie nailed "If I Were A Bell," like it was nobody's business, and her hitting that final note sent chills throughout the house!!!!! Josie was back, and we wanted more from her!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, she seemed to vanish. After my conversation with Rob, I did a search, where it was apparent Josie was still plying her craft--but less in New York, and more in the regions. When she visited us at the workplace, she made clear a salient fact of today's theater life--more than ever, one has to go where the work is. Unfortunately, when one does not work in New York, many think one is not working at all. Which is certainly not the case with Josie, who, by the way, looks FABULOUS, with that lovely presence, skin tones, and hair we all admired and wanted to have back in the 70s. Not to mention that compelling voice. Darlings, we ALL wanted to be Josie, but there can be only one.

Shortly after she paid a visit, I mentioned her to my ex-matinee idol coworker, Victor. Not only did he know who she was; he had worked with her in stock prior to her arrival in New York. Once again the consensus was--everyone loved Josie, knew she was headed for great things.

We always look forward to a visit from Josie. And I am eternally grateful to her for sending me her lovely Cd's of Lullabies and Spanish songs. With that extraordinary voice and musical arrangements, they are treasures in my collection.

But the real treasure is Josie. She truly personifies talent AND graciousness in the biz.

If you pursue that path, girls, make sure you follow her example!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Darlings, They Have Nominated Our Amy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well girls, the 2011 Oscar nominations were announced this morning, honoring what is allegedly the best of 2010. Though, I am telling you, "Inception" and "Toy Story 3?" You have GOT to be kidding!!!!!!!!!!!

The happiest news out there is while Natalie Portman got her "Black Swan" nod, and Colin Firth is in the running for "The King's Speech," our beloved Amy Adams got her third Oscar nomination for her role in "The Fighter." Now, I have to be honest, darlings, I have not seen it YET, but I have heard that Amy is terrific, and of course looks radiant. But I have also heard that some of us Amy fans like myself are going to need meds going in beforehand, because this is a new Amy we are seeing. In this film, apparently, she plays the kind of role I have been playing all my life, and playing every day thereof, especially at work--a tough talking, sexy bitch!!!!!!!! For me, had I done this role, people would have said,"Where's the acting?" But with Amy, you know there is acting, because Amy is no foul mouthed working class floozy. Honey, I hear in this film, she says the word--oh, my GOD!!!!!--"cocksucker!" Not that I have not heard the word before; hell not only have I said it, I have done my own share of.....oh, never mind!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so thrilled for Amy--a baby last year, another shot at Oscar this one. With her third nomination in less than ten years, Miss Amy Adams is definitely on the fast track trajectory towards winning an Oscar. She may not win out this time--as her costar, Melissa Leo, has scored both the New York Film Critics and Golden Globe awards, she could beat Amy out, or they could cancel one another. But rest assured, there is an Oscar at some point in Amy's future, and we will be there for it, as well an watching to eagerly see what the enchanting Amy will wear not only this year, but that penultimate year!!!!!!!!!!

What are YOU wearing this year, darlings???????????????????????

Darlings, Patty Likes To Rock And Roll; A Hot Dog Makes Her Lose Control!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me ask you, is there an American extant who actually has had a "perfect" adolescence? I was thinking about this as I dressed in my glamour outfit of the day. I do not think adolescence, by its biological or physiological nature, is designed to be perfect. I would venture, thinking back to mine (and to OURS, for all my girls!!!!) that, looking back on the ones admired, envied; who, in our eyes, "had it all,' so to speak, if pressed to tell the truth, even they would admit to some imperfections in theirs'.

What prompted this, while I dressed, was staring at my old high school picture.
"Why couldn't I have been happier, then?" I mused, bemoaning my, not so much squandering of my youth, but not enough appreciation for it while I had it. But then, I have to admit, things were pretty difficult back then. Even now, with all I have gone through, darlings--and who knows what to come, what with February 8--the ONE period of my life I know for certain I would NOT want to relive is my adolescence.

But who or what is to blame for this? The answer may surprise you. For years, I demonized everyone connected to this time of life--my parents (or how they behaved) classmates and teachers (ditto), lack of social awareness during changing but in some ways as yet unchanging times, and of course a heavy dose of low self-esteem--not being rich, pretty, or good enough. Or so I thought.

As I dressed this morning, and all this came flooding back, so did something I had not thought about in awhile, and I realized that basically, the blame for my adolescence rests on.......Patty Duke!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, not Miss Duke herself, but, specifically speaking, "The Patty Duke Show!!!!!!!!!!"

Not that I blame Patty herself. After all, she went on to become, and remains a gay icon, even if she didn't want to be, at first, thanks to her "breakthrough" performance as Neely O'Hara (which is MY role, girls!!!!) in "Valley Of The Dolls!!!!!!!" And THIS, after winning an Oscar for "The Miracle Worker", darlings!!!!!!!!!!

Patty's show ran for, I think, for two seasons, when I was in grade school--second and third grades, I recall. It was a time when even then I looked forward to glamorous, teenage fulfillment, via adolescence. This show led me to believe that my adolescence would be an endless procession of friends, social events, plays, parties, homework, and just so ever loving FUN. I had no idea it would take a good twenty plus years when I would get all this, which was not until my thirties. "The Patty Duke Show" created for me a set of false expectations I obviously carried all the way into adolescence, when I was disillusioned by what it turned out not to be!!!!!!! I mean, back then, I was so naive, I thought those puberty things (like hair in places, lambs, where one never had it before!) was something that happened in your sleep, while you were unconscious, like "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers."
You can imagine, girls how surprised I was!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder how many my age back then bought into this myth perpetrated by Patty's show. As well as how many did not; perhaps they were the more well adjusted. Or were they????????? Honey, I was just more impressionable, and, of course, darlings, theatrical, so I attached myself to Patty and the message its creators was sending to me. Which, when Patty was finally able to speak for herself, turned out not to be so fulfilling for her, at all.

So, girls, the lesson here is hang on to that high school portrait, because you never know when it will produce an Epiphany!!!!!!!! And be eternally grateful that those days are behind us. As one of those cheerleaders says of those days, at the end of Jack Heifner's play, "Vanities"--"We don't drink to remember them, we drink to FORGET them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't forget ME, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Girls, You Have GOT To See This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, darlings, over the weekend, Monsieur Davide and I made our first theatrical excursion of the 2011 year. With so few options, we settled on the long running Charles Busch comedy "The Divine Sister," at the Soho Playhouse, which I had been wanting to see for a long time. It is a MUST for all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is basically a send up of all the Catholic oriented films some of my girls out there would know. Within ten minutes, for example, I was keeling over in my seat, because Amy Rutterberg's character was reciting, almost word for word, Gladys Copper's penultimate speech about suffering from "The Song Of Bernadette." I may have been the only one to get it; because, lambs, no one had the reaction I did.

But this show has everything--nuns twirling (a nice homage to Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music"), some in drag, a "Bells Of St. Mary's" spoof, a quasi lesbian nun with a strong European accent, and a plot of mystery and intrigue that is definitely a send up of Dan Brown's novel and film, "The Da Vinci Code," but which I can assure you is better than anything that incompetent trash was unable to come up with!!!!!!!!! "The Divine Sister" is compelling entertainment; the Brown travesty is NOT!!!!!!!!!!

It also has a quasi famous joke that not everyone will get. In fact, on our way out the door, Monsieur asked me about it, since I had another one of my strong reactions, which the audience did not seem to have. Clearly I got it, and I swear in his final exit, Mr. Busch seemed to wave to me--sitting up front, darlings!--in acknowledgement of my actually "getting" the piece.

The moment in question concerns a series of times when the nuns are calling one another, insultingly, "cunt face." Excuse my language, girls; I KNOW you would not hear this from the lips of Princess Lee Radizwill. Martha Stewart, maybe, but then after all, she IS a...Ooops!!!!!!!!!!!! As we were making our way out of the theater, Monsieur asked me what the use of that phrase in the play meant. I gave him the same answer I am now giving my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is sort of an Urban Legend, that has grown out of a scene from the film "The Sound of Music." I think it first appeared about 15 years ago, or so; I cannot fathom to whom it was attributed. It was one of those discoveries by accident, similar to the fact that "The Wizard Of Oz" and Pink Floyd's "Dark Of The Moon" could be synchronized. Only, in this care, not so lengthy.

In the scene leading up to the singing of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain," the Mother Abbess (played by Peggy Wood) is conversing with Maria (Julie Andrews) and asks her point blankly, "What is it you can't face?", the answer, being of course, that she (Maria) has fallen in love with Captain Von Trapp, thus prompting the song. Now, my first viewing of this film was back in fifth grade, when such a word was foreign to me. Remember, it was a whole generation ago; I am a Baby Boomer, and I saw this initially on the original 1965 run. And over the years, by the time I knew such things, I had seen the film many times, and never noticed a thing. Suddenly, someone makes, and broadcasts to the world, the discovery that, because of the affected way in which Peggy Wood speaks the question, it comes out sounding like, "What is it, you cunt face?" And thus a legend is born!!!!!!!!!!!! Personally, I think it was born out of some Nasty Bitch Queen who was jealous of Julie, bored, and wanted to strike back at "The Sound Of Music." I swear, girls, before this revelation I never noticed it; now that it is out there, every time this scene comes up, you know what to look for, and it tarnishes the purity of this film masterpiece. Bitch slap that nasty Queen!!!!!!!!!!!

Nevertheless, the onstage bitchery of "The Divine Sister" is simply FABULOUS, darlings!!!!!!!!! I don't know how much longer it will be running, so I am telling you now, get your "Doctor Zhivago" winter wear on now (I don't care if you go as Geraldine Chaplin or Julie Christie; but you know, hons, I go as Julie!!!!), and strut your stuff down to the Soho Playhouse where you will be kept warm and entertained on a cold winter's night.

There are NO frigid bitches onstage, girls!!!!!!!!! I can't speak for the audience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, Revenge May Not Be Sweet, But It Sure Does Sell!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, I was thinking recently-another thing that still haunts me about the Tyler Clementi situation is that cryptic statement attributed to him before his death--"Revenge never ends well for me." This suggests two things--that Tyler's frustration and anger had been pushed to the point where he was considering vengeance as an option (and who could blame him), plus reinforcing the notion, believed by many (but unsure in these quarters here), that, by this statement, Tyler is indicating there had been incidents in his life prior to this. We may not know, for sure, but one thing that concerns me was the spate of articles fearing in his wake a slew of copycat suicides. However, no one considered a worry which occurred to me--that if such incidents continue, there might be one too many, where a grief stricken friend, classmate, or family member, takes it upon themselves to enact vengeance on the perps.

Not that the thought has not occurred to me, regarding Darvi and Wei. As it has, I am sure, to others. But demonizing and fantasizing is one thing. Most of us have enough impulse control to know that going beyond the contemplative stage is senseless. But there always exists the possibility that someone out there could be pushed over the edge.

The "prank-gone-wrong-and-avenger" story has been a standard generic staple. Take, for example, the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis classic, "Terror Train." In its opening sequence, a group of frat boys set up a geeky, vulnerable young man named Kenny Hampson, on an alleged date with Allana (Jamie) to whom he is attracted. The situation literally crumbles; when taking the "woman" in his arms, she falls apart, as it turns out to be a borrowed lab corpse. With the boys laughing at him, Kenny goes off the deep end; the boys not knowing he had a prior history of mental illness. This sets up the situation for the remainder--those in the prank are systematically knocked off one by one on a Senior class train trip. We the audience know Kenny is behind this (and are rooting for him!!!!) but just where on the train is he?????

Now, I am NOT suggesting the Tyler Clementi incident was a prank gone wrong. It was a deliberate assault of harassment on a young man known to be both gay and vulnerable. Even though they had been roomies for only several weeks, I am sure Ravi and Tyler picked up on aspects of the other's personality. The difference was Tyler just accepted things for what they were, and went about his business; Ravi, clearly homophobic, instead of seeking a room transfer, concocts this humiliation, which he, I imagine, imagines will drive Tyler out to another room; instead, it drove him off the George Washington Bridge. This was not a prank, but an assault.
Nor am I suggesting that someone should hunt down Ravi and Wei, though I think a lot of us would be satisfied if they were dealt more harshly than they have been by Rutgers and the justice system. But that is for time to tell, and we must let it do its work.

Such musings led me back to two "revenge" story novels I had read awhile back, one of which, in a very different way, echoes the Clementi situation. The earlier of the two, first published in 1977, and read by yours truly in either '78 or '79, is Gerald Di Pego's "With A Vengeance." Di Pego is today some kind of screen or television writer, but when young, this was his first published work, a standard revenge thriller that stood out because of an interesting gimmick within its standard premise.

"With A Vengeance" is a classic prank-gone-wrong story. A young man wants to join a fraternity at his college. Part of his initiation involves being tied to a tree all night, in a cold wooded forest. The frat boys, for protection, concoct a fire near him to provide light and warmth. But they make the mistake--unknowingly, but tragically--of placing it at an angle, so that when the wind picks up, flames flicker near the tree, ignite it, and the trapped young man burns to his death. The boy's father, understandably so, is grief stricken. But when the boys go basically undisciplined , and he feels the school did not do enough in dealing with them (just as Rutgers did not do enough with Darvi and Wei) he, predictably, decides to take matters of vengeance/justice into his own hands. However, his method is really twisted. He allows time to move on, the boys to forget and carry on with their lives. In a clearly contrived plot mechanism, each boy marries, and has a son. Some twenty years later, when those sons are college age, the dead boy's father begins going after THEM, because he wants to make them feel the exact same pain he did!!!!!
Which is pretty clever. Now, I have not read this in 30 plus years, so I cannot tell my girls now how things turn out--for the boys, for the father, how things are implemented. Thinking back, I had to wonder how a man, now, say in his sixties, would have enough strength and stamina to go about going after a group of presumably healthy younger men in their late teens, early twenties!!!! Which is why I think it merits a reread; however, being out of print for a long time, it will take me awhile to track this one down. But if I do, I will give all my girls a full report!!!!!!!!

Then there is the still readily available "Valentine" by Tom Savage. Let me first say, this was filmed about ten years ago. I saw it on either January 1 or 2 of 2001, and it still, as things turned out, remained the worst film of its year. This is because they took the basic skeleton of Savage's story, but jettisoned the details for standard crap. I will only deal with the Savage novel.

Darlings, I am surprised this was not entitled "Three Little Bitches From School Who Get Exactly What They Deserve," because that is it in a nutshell!!!!!
Jillian Talbott, well beyond school, is a successful writer, living in New York. She has a handsome boyfriend, a Village apartment....and presumably writes better than Carrie Bradshaw....but then who doesn't, including yours truly??????? Out of the blue, she gets these mysterious Valentine's Day cards, the sender she does not know. When she discusses them with her therapist, we learn an important part of Jill's past.

At Hartley College in New England, Jill, shy and unpopular, desperately wanted to join a group of campus girls known as the Elements (Earth, Wind, and Fire, after the rock group) who were pretty, rich, popular, and their own private sorority. The girls--Sharon Spencer (Earth), Belinda Rosenberg (Wind) and Cass McFarland (Fire)--lure Jill into their inner circle with promises and attention, but, in true frat fashion, get her to do all their drudge work. Sharon, the ringleader, is clearly the blonde bitch type (you know, girls, what would at one time have been the Morgan Fairchild role), Belinda is simply her acolyte, while Cass, though part of the group, has her own ideas, and sometimes questions their actions, as shall be shown. Also attending college with them is a geeky, unattractive guy named Victor Di Mortta (Victory Over Death). Victor is straight, but unattractive and awkward--Youth's Deadliest Social Combination. Naturally enough attracted to the Elements' surface beauties, he is continually rebuffed, until Sharon decides once and for all, to put an end to things by teaching Victor a lesson. In a scheme that closely foreshadows the Tyler Clementi incident, the Girls entreat Jill to deliver to Victor a note from Sharon, setting up an alleged date with her in Belinda's room, on the evening of Valentine's Day. The note is delivered, a happy but naive Victor goes to the room, where Sharon IS seductively there, the place decorated for a Valentine's party. She comes on to Victor, and once he is stripped down, the song "My Funny Valentine" begins to be heard, and Belinda and Cass burst out from a closet door, filming Victor's humiliation with a video camera. Not unlike Tyler, darlings, just less technological!!!! However, prior to the prank, to her credit, Cass, who is described at one point as "the essentially good natured redhead", keeps questioning, and rightfully so, whether or not this is a good idea. As does Jill, who is not in the room for Victor's humiliation, but in her own room. She can hear what is going on, though. What she hears is laughter turning to rage and screams, as Victor retaliates, fighting back, smashing Belinda's nose, while a scantily clad Sharon runs to Security, crying "Rape!" As a result, Victor is expelled from college. There is a hearing, where Jill, having had it with the Girls, turns on them, telling what really happened. But the Dean, who is sexually involved with Sharon, backs them up!!!! Nevertheless, Jill takes over the Elements' cafeteria table, dismissing them all. Several weeks later, a genuinely repentant Cass stops Jill after class, thanking her for what she did, and admiring her for standing up to Sharon.

What none of them knew was that Victor came to college with a set of emotional scars as well. His parents have physically and psychologically abused him his entire life, to where he is both cowed and ready to boil over. Which he does when he returns home, because, once there, the abuse accelerates, and so does Victor's rage, driving him to murder his abusive parents. You have to sympathize with Victor, to a point. He is sent to prison, where he does twelve years. But instead of blaming his parents and his rage, Victor blames the Girls in college, and sets out to avenge himself upon them. He works out physically in the gym, reinvents himself cosmetically once released, so no one will recognize him--though I should think twelve years imprisoned would do that, anyway. The rest of the story details Victor's plan; the mystery being, where in the present day is Victor now????? Tom Savage throws a few red herrings, and an interesting plot twist, that, again, makes this standard story stand out.

The macabre cover art of Savage's book is outstanding, but Di Pego's is classic--the titled words in a flaming red background, showing a screaming young man tied to a tree, being burned. This is the Dell paperback edition, darlings!!!!!!! I can still vaguely recall the tag line; something like "They killed his son. Now they have sons of their own. And he is out to get them....With A Vengeance!!!!!!"

Let's face it, dolls, revenge sells! So it would not surprise me that in the wake of Tyler Clementi's death, a spew of stories of this type may follow. Maybe a reissue of "With A Vengeace," which would make for an effective film.

Nevertheless, each story shows in its own way that revenge is NOT the answer!!!!!! With unspeakable tragedy, time and justice must do the work!!!!! For more speakable ones, like a blemished complexion, the answer girls, is a good astringent!!!!!!!!

Astringe THIS, loves!!!!! Have a fabulous day!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Darlings, If Rue Could Do It, We All Could!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, I have no one to blame for this but myself, and having set things in motion, I am forced, especially with Monsieur pushing me, and rightfully so, to proceed.

On February the 8th, I will be undergoing a colonoscopy!!!!!! It is a lot of CRAP!!!!!! I mean, full of SHIT!!!!!!!!!! Or, in this case, NOT full at all!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, this has been my focal point of worry, ever since I made the initial appointment with the doctor. And despite everyone reassuring me, and that I have had one before, and came out OK, all my fears and anxieties have surfaced. Especially with Monsieur, whom I plan to spend a long time with. After what I have gone through, girls to find the Man of MY Dreams, I am not going to let go!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But Monsieur himself said something to me the other night, which brought me up short. We were discussing one of our favorite shows, "The Golden Girls," and he recalled to me an episode (which I cannot recall) where Blanche Deveraux Herself (the great Rue McClanahan) went into the hospital to have a pacemaker installed. That is when Monsieur said to me "If Rue could do it, you can do it!" So, darlings, let that be our mantra. Let us all be inspired by Blanche/Rue when facing whatever it is any of us have to face, whether a colonoscopy, a bad hair day, or....uneven finger cuticles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's face it, it is one big Pain In The Ass!!!!!!!!!!! And you know, darlings I have known plenty of those in MY time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posteriors skyward, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, Let Me Tell You, This Is The Next "Black Swan" In Waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, now that Darren Aronofsky's "Black Swan" is both a critical and commercial success, you can bet filmmakers will be jumping through hoops for the next hot property incoroporating ballet and insanity. Which means, of course, that it has to take place in New York, because, with the major exception being "The Red Shoes," most dance oriented films do. I mean, "West Side Story," "The Turning Point," "All That Jazz"...come on!!!!!!!!!! L.A. may have just as much on Mew York when it comes to the insane, but when you add ballet to the equation, few cities can even hope to equal New York there.

Which is exactly why the time is SO ripe for a film version of Judi Miller's overlooked 1981 Trash Classic, "Save The Dance For Me!" Which, judging from that date there, would be celebrating its 30th anniversary, and what better way to celebrate than to bring it out now, with dance craziness being so HOT thanks to Aronofsky's film.

Now, lambs, I have to tell you, I have not read the entire novel. BUT what I have read and vaugely recall is a hoot, and SO ripe for film. The story is a compendium of beloved show biz cliches. An aspiring ballerina in the New York (ahem!)_corps gets knocked up by the Master!!!!!! Of course, this puts an end to her career, and before you can say "Gypsy" or "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?", we are off and running. She has the child, a boy, and raises it with part love, part resentment. It is the latter that fuels her ambition that he will become the ballet dancer she was never able to!!!!!!! I can still recall the ominous opening of Chapter 2--"A year ago, she told him he could stop taking ballet." Which means, of course, no way; he is going to be forced to do this because Mother WANTS it, even if he DOES NOT. Before long the years pass, they boy has joined the same New York (ahem, again!) troupe his Mother did. Before you can say "Psycho," murders begin happening among the corps and backstage, etc. Who is doing them???? Is it the young male ballet aspirant???? The Maniacal Mother????? Even if I wanted to tell you, honeys, I can't because I do not rememmber. But I DO rmember this camp classic climax, where, at the height of a major performanmce, before an audience packed house--one of balletomanes, which raises the notch of insanity up ever higher--the Mother, costumed and made up a good twenty years past her prime in the same role she aspired to as a young ballerina, appears, goes ape shit, and begins to deride the Master before all and sundry, revealing too the identity of the child!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, does this not cry out to be fimed, or what??? The only question now is who would play the Maniacal Mother. Had it been done shortly after the book appreared, this would be a no brainer, because then the part would have gone to the one and only person who could truly have done it justice--the great Louise Fletcher!!!!!!!! Louise could still act up a storm with it, but now it would have to be as Maniacal Grandmother, which she has already done with "Flowers In The Attic," and which would ruin the Mother-Child dynamic that is so crucial to the story!!!! Maybe Patricia Clarkson, because she did such a great quasi realistic riff on Margaret White in the TV remake of "Carrie," with Angela Bettis!!!!!!!!! Bettis is too young. Anne Bancroft is too old, AND dead, to boot!!!!!!!!! And who would beleive Kathy Bates as an ex-ballerina????????? Barabara Hershey sort of went down this road in "Black Swan," but I don't think she could notch it up enough for this role. Morgan Fairchild could, but then she is blonde, and the character has to be dark. Kelly Bishop is dark, has the dance thing down, but, outside of "Gilmore Girls," is not known to Hollywood extant. Glenn Close is too blonde and too old. MY choice, darlings, would be Debra Winger; Hollywood is always looking for ways to bring her back, and, beleive me, the role is crazy enough for her to sink her teeth into!!!!! Plus she could get by in a tutu at the climax!!!!!!!

So I am going to go with Debra. However, I am appealing to all my girls, if you have any ideas you think would be better, and can back them up, write your comments on here; would love to hear them, darlings!!!!!!!!!

But honestly, this just cries out to be filmed. With a 30th year anniversary print reissue, and a production set to film by end of this year, while the crazed ballet thing is still HOT, we could be looking at the next Horror Camp Classic!!!!!!! How long has it been since we had one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do that plie, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, When You Are Gay, Lifestyle Choices Are Tough!!!!!!!!

Especially for my less initiated girls, let me tell you, being gay is not just A lifestyle, as some would say. It is an amalgamation of lifestyles that amounts to a kind of sane version of schizophrenia!!!!!!!

Here is what I mean. We all have our icons. And we all want on some level to BE them. But with so many icons to choose from, the choice is impossible, so that it becomes fragmented, and, honey, we just don't know what to do.

Speaking for myself, loves, sometimes I dance out of bed, wanting to be Donna McKechnie. Or I am strumpeting across the room, like Rue McClanahan!!!!!! Or I am Sheila in "A Chorus Line," doing "At The Ballet." Then there is BARBRA--an entire lifestyle in itself!!!! Or Patti!!!!!! Or Mamma Rose!!!!!!!!

See what I mean, darlings????? And it gets more complicated. The other day, I pulled a book called "Setting The Scene," about the great Hollywood art directors, and there was this delicious shot from Universal's 1931 "Dracula, of the Three Vampire Women (or as a male peasant says in the beginning, "Dwacoola und his wiiiives!!!!") choreographically advancing in unison towards the unconscious Renfield (the great Dwight Frye) while Bela as Dracula is superimposed against a floor to ceiling sized door/window, calling them off. The women's veils are stretched out perfectly behind them, the fog is rolling in, and the black and white cinematography is so creamy, elegant and atmospheric, it conjures up the very atmosphere of the Bram Stoker novel.

Honey, this "Dracula" is the most sexualized vampire film ever!!!! The Three Vampire Women are in thrall to Dracula, but they will willingly slobber over any man, judging by their hunger for Renfield. The presence of that armadillo, and their traveling always as a pack, speaks of lesbianism among themselves. And Dracula here has his predilections too; he may be straight, a bigamist to boot, but he is not about to pass up a handsome male neck!!!!! Guess he is bisexual. The one he really should have gone after in this film is David Manners' Jonathan Harker!!!!!
Now, he was HOT!!!!!!

The glamour of this shot is unmistakable, which suddenly awakened in me a desire to be one of Dracula's wives. Not that I ever had the hots for Bela (the only vampire film that ever got to me that way was the 70's porn classic "Dracula Sucks!", where the Count goes for more than throat, lambs!!!!!), but to get to wear those Thrities flapper-like hairstyles, and those gorgeous gossamer gowns...MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

And this desire just came out of nowhere, which shows that when you are gay, one never knows!!!!!!! As Lyon Burke said, in "Valley Of the Dolls!", "For every Helen Lawson, there is an Ethel Merman, or a Mary Martin!" Honey, Lyon knew!!!!!!
Especially, in the scene where she (Helen) is doing "I'll Plant My Own Tree," and a wistful Lyon says to Anne, "Offstage, I hate her, but onstage I'm madly in love with her!" I am telling you, the look Barbara Parkins as Anne gives him at that point is priceless; Anne may be naive in other ways, but here, honey, she certainly knows the score!!!!!!

So, from Vampires to Divas, being gay is about self invention that can change at a moment's notice!!!!! I want all my girls out there today to go out and reinvent yourselves, as many times as you like!!!!! It will make your gayness feel so empowering!!!!!!

Sink your fangs into this, darlings!!!!! Bite me!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Girls, Something Has To Break With Tyler Clementi!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, we are darn near coming up on the 4 month anniversary of this young man's tragic death, and no breakthroughs yet. I have no conclusive answers myself yet, but something I have not yet shared in a hitherto unrevealed reason why Tyler's death has affected so many, and particularly baby boomers.

From what I have read of the Clementis--parents--if you do some math, give or take a year or two on either side, they are close to my age. Meaning not only that they are baby boomers, but that mathematically, Tyler was young enough to have been not only my child, but the child so many my age, some of whom may actually have children of Tyler's age. And this is not to take away ownership by the Clementis, rather to point out another degree where empathy with this tragedy stems from. Having not known Tyler, I can say with certainty it would have been an honor to, and, had, I been a parent, I would have thrilled to have had a son like Tyler!!!!!!!!
I think we all would!!!!!!!!!!! Which is another area where his loss impacts so keenly.

I am a firm believer in two things. What goes around comes around. And that eventually, things are revealed with time. I hope we are all present to say this come forth, and provide conclusiveness for all who want it, so that Tyler may truly rest in peace. And that we may do so, knowing he does!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let us pray, girls, that that day may soon arrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Week One Bitch Edges Out Another!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, let me tell you, everything was in place. I was all set to go with Shannon Johnson, the 34-year-old Colorado mother, whose baby drowned in the bathtub, because she was too engrossed using Facebook! I mean, darlings, first of all, how White Trash looking can you get? Not that this is necessarily a criteria for this honor, but it helps. But plenty of White Trashers are not certified BOTWS. And for what she did--neglecting a baby because she was engrossed with her faux social life on Facebook--is venturing into Susan Smith territory. I mean, Smith was clearly self-obsessed; this one I am not so sure if she is that, or just plain delusional and insane. Not that Smith was any sanity prize either.

But, like I said, I was all set to go with Shannon. But then, who should come along, but Dr. Kermit Gosnell, and once I discovered him, well, honey, that was it!!!!!!!!

Dr. Gosnell, Philadelphia based, is billed as an "abortion provider." However, there have been 100's of undisclosed incidents involving patient and fetus murder, unsanitary working conditions, and medically untrained staff. I am telling you, darling, Dr. Karl Osler's island lab in "She Demons" was more up to speed. And what grist this is for the abortion mill. The right-to-lifers will love this, and it does not do the Pro Choice movement any good, or at best casts a blotch upon it.

When it comes to inhumaneness, Dr. Gosnell takes a prize. Supposedly helping women, he inevitably does both physical and psychological damage. I don't know where he trained, but if he is old enough to have done so at Dachau or Bergen Belsen, I would not be at all surprised.

He is so heinous it is almost a dishonor to bestow him ANY honor. Nevertheless, such rottenness is hard to top this week, and so he is this week's Bitch Of The Week!!!!!! Every so often, loves, we hit a genuinely evil one; let's hope some fun ones are on the horizon!!!!! Oh, for the days of Anna ripping a designer's dress to shreds right in front of them!!!!! Now that is bitchery one can live with!!!!!!!!!

Unless you are the designer, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Girls, I Cannot Believe It Is Wednesday Already!!!!!!

Darlings, where does the time go???? One minute I am at my sister's with Monsieur, celebrating Christmas, the next it is late January, but the winter drags on. And tomorrow I have to select another Bitch Of The Week, and nothing on the horizon yet. I also have to visit a doctor I am not looking forward to--but it is better than not and I am not pregnant, loves, so there!!!!!!!!

But truthfully, even though each Season gets rather equal due length wise, it seems Winter is the longest lasting, as it takes so long to end. Even though summer can be hot and sticky, it goes fast. I think it has to do with all the layers of clothes we have to put on each day, which annoys the hell out of so many of us girls, not to mention Cabin Fever, being housebound, because who wants to go out in such awful weather? Hell, who can stand it???? Plus, coming on the tail end of the Holidays, it is a big Downer!!!!!!!!! No wonder both Shakespeare and John Steinbeck used the phrase "the winter of our discontent!"

However, a Raving Queen has no time for discontent, what with work to do, a Monsieur to take care of, a lovely visit with Audrey and Ruby, "She Demons," and tons of books to read. And don't forget 'SVU' tonight, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

So have a wonderful Winter Wednesday, and remember by Easter time, you will have blocked this all out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Block this, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Darlings, We Simply Cannot Wait For Joan And Melissa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I am telling you, every queen in town--and I know my queens, darlings!!--has their mind set on a week form tonight when "Joan and Melissa" has its premiere. This is the faux reality documentary show, wherein Joan Rivers moves in with her grown daughter Melissa, until, apparently, things are all about....Joan!!!!!!!!!! I swear, the only thing that could top this would be if my father and I did a reality show of our own. He is about to hit 96 (yes!!!!!!!!!!) on April 30, so the show would deal with me moving in with him in Florida. Of course, Monsieur Davide would have to move next door, and I would keep running back and forth..., plus all the early bird specials, gum chewing meals, Catholic Mass with dysfunctional and vocally inept the state's entire lack of brain cellage!!!!!! I am telling you, not since "Grey Gardens" would there be such a show!!!!!!!! And my father and I could outdo Joan and Melissa anytime.

Sample-- Why aren't you up yet?
Because I am STILL asleep!!!!!!!!!
And those walks along the boardwalk, and avoidance of political discussions....oh, boy, it might not be for queens, like Joan and Melissa, unless I go ALL QUEEN on air, but I can assure you it will be something.

But don't forget to tune in to "Joan and Melissa" next week! It should lift the winter doldrums!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, A Belated Happy Birthday Wish!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, with all that was going on yesterday, I forgot to mention that yesterday was the 89th--can you believe it, darlings???--birthday of the still surviving and beloved Golden Girl, Miss Betty White!!!! Betty's career is just as hot as it was last year, and neither she nor it show any signs of abating. You have to hand it to Betty, who went from relative obscurity when young to A-list when most her age are pushing up daisies, or just getting ready to!!!! Honey, Betty will not be aiding daisies for a long time to come!!!!!!!

So, Happy Birthday, Betty!!!! We love you!!!!!!

You damn well better believe it!!!!!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Girls, I Will Not Let Go Of Tyler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I have to tell you about this article I read in OUT Magazine, by Ilya Marritz (who, with a name like that, clearly wants to be Melina Mercourri in "Never On Sunday!!!") related to Tyler Clementi. Among its more disturbing features--or, rather, features that disturb ME--is referencing all having taken place or not as an alleged "cover-up" to Tyler's life. Ilya, doll, whom are we to judge!!!!!!!!

Don't you think I want answers???? Don't you think I have time and again tried to put myself into Tyler Clementi's place? I can clearly visualize the physical aspects--I think we all can--but whom, outside of Tyler, his family, or those who knew him, can place themselves, or at least validly attempt to, inside his mind?????

And that is where the answer lies. But right now, for sundry reasons, it is not being spoken. Whom are we to deny the family their grief????? When they want to be heard, or IF they do not, that is their choice. I have read that a classmate of Jane Clementi, Tyler's mother, wants to do some kind of documentary film; and if and when that happens, I think a lot will be revealed. But there are some conflicting things that can be reported with some certainty.

The tragedy of his death rests on not just what was done to him, but in its resulting of depriving the world of a sweet, socially aware, gifted, if painfully shy, young man, who had much to contribute to the world.

This guy, Paul Zilber, who had a brief brush with Tyler prior to Rutgers, makes much of the fact that he had a political consciousness. Why shouldn't he; he was clearly a caring individual. But he also makes something of the fact that Tyler "cursed," saying in a message of an inflammatory anti-social group, "They're so fucking retarded." Give me a break; what is wrong wit that???? Tyler was 18, he knew life, he knew the lingo, he was a KID, why should this be used as some kind of evidence against him?????? Does it take away from the sweetness of his being????? His talents???? His apparently vast intellectual potential???? Of course not!!!!!!!

So many people--and I am one--are trying to come up with answers for Tyler Clementi, but the fact remains that ultimately there may not be any. One can speculate--I can empathize with Tyler, having been shy myself at his age, but then, as I have mentioned, there is that famous graduation photo of him hugging his classmate, which certainly would not have happened with ME!!!!

And I am sick and tired of people alleging he was bullied elsewhere--at home, in school, etc. The Clementis do not deserve that. It may all be true--but it may not.

You want to know what I think? And it comes from MY personal experience????

I think Tyler was a bright, sweet, normal in all ways kid, who was a doer and a joiner. He liked to participate, but he possessed a vulnerability that held him back, to a degree, made him reserved, which kids mistake for social awkwardness. Maybe he WANTED to be the life of the party, but had not reached his potential for being such. And part of arriving at that involves being comfortable with who you are, and yes, that includes sexuality. I think Tyler was in the process of finding that comfort, but his perpetrators' video rape--for that is what it was--violated a sense of developing well being that caused him to turn inward, resulting in self blame (that statement of his about "revenge never ends well for me" validates that, as far as I am concerned!!!)--violated that journey he was on, reducing an already fragile ego to such a low point he took the only option he THOUGHT he had.

That is why I will not stop with Tyler. He had the right to continue on that journey, and it was taken from him!!!!! That is why I will not blame the Clementis for what they have or have not done. Darlings, until you are in their situation (one which I am sure they wish on no one), you have no idea how you can act.

As the Raving Queen I have only my own certainty and beliefs in and about Tyler to keep me going. Until other aspects come to the fore, I am standing by them. Just as I stand by the Clementis at this most painful juncture in their entire lives; things will never and have never been the same since last September 22.

It comes down to this--don't judge Tyler or his family. Stand by them. So that other tragedies like this may be avoided!!!!!!

Because if I hear one word said against these unfortunate people, I will bitch slap you bitches who say it!!!!!!

Slap! Slap!

Darlings, I Want To Be Directed By Darren Aronofsky!!!!!!

Girls, what a day I had yesterday!!!!! Monsieur Davide and I were forced to evacuate his apartment--and, like Aunt Pittypat, I took the hats-- because there was (gasp!) no shower in which to beautify my Princess body!!!!! So we fled to my pied terre in Queens, slept serenely beneath the Princess bed, picked up garbage, installed lights, one of which exploded, and before we had time to settle down, it was time to go back into the City to meet Herb and Alvin!!!!!!

We had a fabulous meal at Gene's, in spite of the fact that the majority of the clientele looked as though they had been bussed over from the Village Nursing Home. Then it was back to Monsieur's for the "Golden Girls." I mean, no "Law and Order," or serial killers; what was I to do??? Things were so desperate, before the 'Girls', we had to watch the Golden Globes, which I really don't give a damn about, but after last night's show, all I can say, darlings, is "hubba hubba!"

Only two women looked stunning; as expected they were Amy Adams and Julianne Moore. Sandra Bullock was the wost, looking like she was auditioning for the role of Morticia in a road company of "The Addams Family." Come on, Sandra, you can do better than that!!!!!!

But my girls could care less about the women, it is the MEN they want to hear about, and I am telling you the candy store was filled. Jesse Eisenberg looked so cute, then of course there was Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal, he of the oh so pretty smile, eyes and hair!!! He looked like a big butter cream pattie you just wanted to suck on!!!! Ryan Gosling looked like a confection in his suit, and his captivating smile, too; why no one has not snapped him up is beyond me, unless, maybe, girls? Ryan is waiting for the right.........MAN???? Hope springs eternal, loves!!!!!!!!
And a word just has to be put in for little Chris Colfer of "Glee," the sweetest looking cub, who I wish Ryan would take home with him, because I am sure both would benefit from the other!!!!! Chris and Ryan....MMMMMMMMM.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would expect them to look delicious, because they are ACTORS. But the Directors!! Like David Fincher, who makes those nice serial killer films I love, like "Seven" and "Zodiac" (with Jake!!!) and brought the same sort of darkness as those films to "The Social Network," which is one reason this film is so outstanding!!!!! David looked so scrumptious I just wanted to eat him up!!!! I am telling you, I want to be directed by David. You can bet I would do EVERYTHING he told me to!!!!!!!

And that goes double for Darren Aronofsky!!!! Who would have thought the director of "Pi," "Requiem For A Dream," and now "Black Swan" would look like Rhett Butler???? I am ready for Darren to carry me up those red stairs!!!!!!! I want to work with Darren and be directed by him whenerver HE says!!!!!! I will do EXACTLY as directed!!!!!!

So that is where I have been, girls, and who knows where we will end up today????? Right now, we are at Monsieur's, with coffee, and getting ready to watch "She Demons!!!!" So stay tuned in cyberspace, loves, I will not forsake my girls!!!!!!! Even when I am being directed by Darren Aronofsky!!!!!!

Lights! Camera! And So Much ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Girls, I need Yoiur Help On A mission Of Social Service!!!!!!

Darlings, I need the help of ALL my girls now, especially the wealthier ones, and, no, it is not because I am trying to finance my wedding!!!!!! Well, actually, I AM, but that is not what this is about. Listen well and learn, loves!!!!!

Nine years ago this spring, a documentary was released, entitled "Cinemania." It profiled five people, who do nothing with their lives and their days, but going to the movies. And I don't mean, someone like me, who rushes to "Gone With The Wind," say, every time there is a New York screening of it. I am talking about those who would see EVERYTHING, including the latest Adam Sandler film (that big homophobe!!!!), which is something I would not be caught dead AT!!!!!!!!

I will never forget my first viewing of the film, which took place at the Cinema Village theater in New York. Sitting next to me was one of my favorite filmmakers, Todd Solondz, who so skillfully skewers the suburbs, as represented by our mutual home state of New Jersey!!!! You can be damn sure I told Todd some of my choice Highland Park stories, giving him complete permission to use them in any of his films. So far, he has not, but you never know!!!!!

The other thing I discovered as I watched the film was that I already knew some of its "stars." When I was a novice New Yorker, back in the 80's, I was introduced to the world of Revival Cinema (for which there were more venues back then) by a gentleman of distinction, who now rests in peace, named Alan Sattler. At almost every screening, we would go to, I would see, sitting down front to the side, this short, spinsterly looking woman, with longish grey hair pulled back, and flowing in a ponytail down her back. "Who is that?" I asked Alan once. "Oh, that's Roberta," he replied. "She goes to all these movies," as though it were something to be accepted as a given. As it turns out, it was, because it turned out I recognized Roberta, the only woman profiled, and, hence the "Queen Of The Cinemaniacs", who dominated the film, and whom I had "known" from all those years before.

Then there was Eric Chadbourne. He is the tall, portly, bespectacled and rumply looking man. When he came on screen, I said to myself, "I see him at work all the time!" Eric makes use of my workplace locale, had been for years, so, after seeing the film, I took time afterwards to acknowledge Eric, who was very friendly, even to giving me Christmas cards. He is a sweetie!!!!!

Well, girls, Eric is why I need your help!!!! He visited me yesterday, he looks OK, but when I asked him how he was doing, he said he was homeless!!!! He said he had lost the apartment, he had been suicidal, was hospitalized, and is now in a Men's Shelter on West 30th Street. I was so upset I almost burst into tears!!! This sweet man does not deserve to be consigned to a fate equivalent to Fantine!!!!
Not that he is going to turn tricks!!!! I told Eric to his face that I would pray for him, and I certainly will, but I am also going to call upon what few contacts I have in the social service field, to see what can be done for Eric. Bur right now I am calling on ANY of MY girls out there to help. All you have to do is respond by comment to me at the Raving Queen, with any ideas, suggestions, or options that might come to mind, get in touch with me, here! I would thank you, and I know Eric would!!!!!! At the same time he mentioned being suicidal, he talked about believing in himself, and it was so moving to me to hear this, because of what he was living through. I could not imagine such courage in myself!!!!!

One last thing, darlings!!!!! I wondered if Eric had any family, and I have found out there are two other Chadbourne siblings. One, Larry, lives in San Francisco. The other is here in New York, and is a jazz musician!!!! To them I ask--how can you allow your sibling to be reduced to this???? You DO something for him, even if he is incapable himself!!!!!! So if they catch wind of this--SHAME!!! Do something for Eric!!!!!!

But I know I can count on MY girls!!!! Believe me, if Rue McClannahan were here, she would want you to do something. Even if all we have left is our ruined finery,as Jewel Mayhew would say, we can reach out to someone who does not have even that!!!!

Cough it up, you bitches!!!!! Or else I will de-elasticize your Playtex girdles!!!!!

And that's Playtex, NOT Kotex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Darlings, Last Evening Was Male Psychosis Night On TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I have just got to tell you about the two simply FABULOUS episodes I saw back to back last evening, on the "Law And Order:Criminal Intent" Marathon. As MY girls know, I am a big admirer of 'SVU', but will watch other forms, save LA, and have enjoyed them. This includes 'Criminal Intent.' Last night I settled in simply to be entertained, and found myself transported!!!!!!!!! Because these two episodes were so good they belonged on 'SVU!'.

And yes, Vincent D'Onofrio was on, and while he is cute in his porker sort of way, he gets Heavier and HEAVIER with each episode!!!!!!!!! I swear, one night he will just explode on network television!!!!!!!!!

But back to matters at hand. The first episode, aptly named, "Family Values," managed to skewer all sorts of issues--heterosexual corporate America, the suburbs, lesbians, drama, incest....honey, this episode took on so many issues, that it was easy to overlook what the true nature of the situation was.

Things began at an ersatz drama school production of "Cyrano De Bergerac." A husband and wife are presumably centering on the actress playing Roxanne, whom we come to realize is their daughter. The father, played by the always handsome and always excellent David Harbour in a performance that is about to blow you away and become a career highlight for him, is caught, via camera, gazing on her nubile breasts, indicating he is struggling with incestuous feelings towards her. Sicko!!!!
He excuses himself and next he is seen in front of his in-laws house, praying for salvation. He goes inside, and bludgeons Millie, his sister-in-law with a hammer; he repeats the act when the husband comes home. The dying man's last message heard is Harbour saying "I can't do anything more for you."

Bobby and Alexandra are going over everything. Of course, unlike we the viewer, they do not know who the killer is; what we do not know is why. This becomes apparent, but not before a few more murders. One involves that of daughter Kathy's drama teacher, who was teaching at a Christina Conservative high school, where dramatic material is censured. Is there something wrong wtih this??? You better believe it, because in real life a lesbian would never teach drama; that would fall on the lone gay male teacher. The lesbian would be teaching auto mechanics!!!!!!!!!!!!

The murderer and his wife come to the hospital to identify the in-laws; the wife is his wife's sister. Suspicion points to him immediately, with his cold eyes, and his imperious manner, not to mention when daughter Kathy the next day witnesses her father telling the cops what she knows is a lie!!!!!!!!!!

Next, we see this guy, whose name, interestingly, is Paul Devildis (Devil and Evil, get it???????) making a home made pipe bomb!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets delivered to the supervisor of a bank and EXPLODES!!!!!!!!!!!!! We learn Paul had been fired awhile back; he was switched from managment to loans, and when that tanked, he became the scapegoat.

OK, it makes sense he would want to off the place that fired him; hell, I am in full accordance with that, myself!!!!!!!! Not that I would do it, but I do sympathize!!!!! Before we know it, in between Christian praying scenes, Paul is killing his wife, the family dog, and planning the same for his mother and daughter. What begins to become clear is that Paul, his life having tanked and gone out of his control, wants to kill himself, but in the process wants to take everyone with him. He spirits daughter Kathy away to their summer retreat; she escapes, he chases, kidnaps and imprisons her. It is up to Goren to figure all this out, they do, and Kathy is rescued.

Now, I have to confess, I was pissed. If anyone deserved to die it was Devildis, and I wanted the pleasure of seeing this guy blow his brains out on TV!!!!!!!! I have enough problems with suicide, but if a person decides that is what they truly want, so be it. But to take others down with them????? Oh, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In this respect, I think the writers copped out. But Paul Devildis has to be one of the sickest ever. Mr. Straight Corporate Honcho, with incestuous desires on his daughter, and a death wish for everyone just because he is tanking!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to see this bastard get what he deserved, and in that sense we did not see it, so I was not satisfied!!!!!!!!!!!

Prosecute, and lose the key, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if this were not enough, what followed was "Lady's Man," benefiting from a wonderful performance from guest star Raul Esparaza. In this one, a man is murdered on Atlantic Beach while taking what turns out to be his annual birthday swim. Several years back, he was acquitted of murdering his wife, whose body was never found, and now he has a Reality Show on TV. Only in America, darlings!!!!!!!!
He comes out of the water, sees a well dressed redheaded woman, who shoots him at point blank range!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, Goren and Alexandra can make nothing of it. What comes out is that the killer is taking steps to set up Alexandra to be, if not the perp, then in cahooots with her.

Who should show up but a figure from Alexandra's past--Kevin Mulrooney. He was the DA on the original murder trial ten years before; he screwed it up, his career tanked and Alexandra's flourished. They also had sort of a romantic history.
Well, it seems Mulrooney never let go of his feelings, and it looks like he is the one setting her up!!!!! But because of his Oedipal relation with his repressed Irish mother, he dresses up like a woman whenever he needs to feel in control. He basically does a Norman Bates, and they lock this one up!!!!!!!! And at least that is made clear!!!!!!!!!!! In the one before it, as I said, the fate of Paul Devildis is left hanging. Blow his brains out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, girls, it was fascinating seeing male pathology on display. Not all psychos are women, you know!!!!!!!!!! Devildis' handsomeness was undermined by his sick, tormented desires for his daughter, and his cowardice at not being able to die unless everyone else did. While Mulrooney struggled with never getting his makeup right (as Alexandra says) and knowing his designers, which proves he is not even successful as a transitional cross dresser. He should have killed himself too!!!!!!!!!!

I can't recall when I had a fuller evening, darlings!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you notice the stocking inseam of the person on the subway next to you!!!!!!!

Dressed to kill, loves!!!!!!!!!