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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Farewell To An Emotionally Ambivalent Month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                          Gather round, girls, because there is about to be a Lit (for Literature ) Lesson!  In the opening of his great, epic poem, "The Waste Land," T.S. Eliot declares "April is the cruelest month.........."
When I first studied those words, in college, they were just poetic expression, but my Life Experience has borne them out.

                         My mother passed away on April 2.  My sister's husband died April 5.  This year, there has been a lot of high drama this month, as yet unresolved, though I will find a way to let you now.

                          And even though April always ends with my father's birthday, I am always as glad to see it end as I am apprehensive, when it arrives.

                          Not only have we come to the end of another April, but we are now exactly one third through 2015!!!!!!!!!!  Can you believe it??????????????

                           Thank God for my beloved!  And having you girls along for the ride!

                            See you soon.....next month....in May!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From "The Birth Of A Nation," To You Tube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                             Darlings, I cannot believe what I am about to report.  I have actually comtemplated this day, from the time I was very young, not only for its importance, but for the fact of what age I would be when it took place...the age that I am now, and how did this happen all too soon?

                             Today is my father, Michael J. Hearn, Jr.'s, birthday!!!!!!!!!!  But, not just any birthday, girls!!!!!!!!!  Today is my father's 36, 500th Day On Earth!   That's right, dears; he turns 100!  He has hit the Century Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And to think he made it, having raised me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               When my father was born, D.W. Griffith was just warming up film history, with "The Birth Of A Nation!"  Maybe that event somehow foreshadowed him having such a culturally-centric child!!!!!!!!!

                                 Because after Griffith's film, my father lived through "Gone With The Wind," four wars--WWI and II, Korea, and Viet Nam, not to mention today's Middle eastern troubles.  But he also lived through my obsession with "The Wizard Of Oz," survived seeing the movie "Woodstock" with me, as well as a midnight--that's right, dears, midnight--showing of Altman's "Nashville," and of course, that Turning Point Day of October 25, 1975--40 years ago, this year--seeing "A Chorus Line" with the Legendary Original Company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 And that is just for starters!  He didn't just live through a century; he lived through a social mine field!  Capturing all this is impossible, but, with my father's strong ties to Ireland, which he, to a degree, imparted to me, I think I found a way to do so.

                                   Here is Ella Logan, in her  original role as Sharon McLonergan, in "Finian's Rainbow," doing "How Are Things In Glocca Morra!!!!!!!!!!"  The show tune most people think is an authentic Irish song, but it's not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Happy Birthday, Daddy!  Welcome to your Second Century!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My My, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How Can We Ever Let It Go?????????????????

                           Can you believe that, after a spectacular 10 year plus run, which started at the Winter Garden, and over the years, featured the likes of Judy Kaye and Carolee Carmello, that "Mamma Mia!" is closing?  Not only that, it is closing on September 12 of this year, the day I annually parade down to the Waverly, stand out front, and sing "Frank Mills!!!!!!!!!!"  How dare I get upstaged by "Mamma Mia!!!!!!!!"

                            Now, Theater Queen that I am, I have never seen the show!!!!!!!!!!!!  Once the movie was done, with MERYL, who, needless to say, was perfection, I figured, why bother????????  But I may just have to have a look!  I mean, those songs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            If the producers were really smart--which they are not--they would put in MERYL for the final week, and tickets would soar!  I would be first in line, darlings, just like Annie Wilkes!  You better believe that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Will I see "Mamma Mia!" or not?  We shall find out, dolls!  If I do, you know you will h ear it on here!  And, if I do, you girls know, there will be a full report on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Meanwhile, here is the Grand Finale of the show, done not on Broadway, but at the Globe Arena!  Who knows?  Maybe I'll be dancing with you, in those Broadway aisles, girls!!!!!!!!!!!

Twisted Spinster, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                     Let's face it, girls, no one in Bucks County, PA, is fond of Mary Jane Fonder!  She is one Church Lady, as far removed from Dana Carvey as could be!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     Mary Jane is the winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award, but to congregants of the Trinity Lutheran Church, she is their Bitch Of All Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                       You see, Little Miss Mary Jane wanted to hog the show!  She was closer in spirit to Baby Jane Hudson than a woman who does good works.  For fourteen years, she fooled everyone with her mealy mouthed act of martyrdom. She even sang in the church choir!!!!!!!!  But when Rhonda Smith, who had the personality and social skills Mary Jane lacked, came onto the scene, Mary Jane was not Queen Of The Congregants anymore, because everyone flocked around Rhonda.

                           Well, you can bet Mary Jane did not like that!  Not one bit!  You remember the song "Help Me, Rhonda?"  It turned out Rhonda did really need help, because she was in danger!  Because Mary Jane had concocted--in her head, only--this notion that she and the pastor were having a relationship, and that Rhonda Smith was her romantic rival.  Now, Mary Jane had a history of mental problems--maybe she was bipolar.  During childhood, she had been institutionalized for having attempted suicide by drinking chloral hydrate.  So, with a history like that, it was no trouble to calmly walk into the pastor's office, where she was doing volunteer work, and shoot her point blank. Which Mary Jane did, on January 23, 2007!!!!!!!!!  Twice; once in the head, to make sure she was dead!!!!!!!!

                           Mary Jane thought this would end her problems, and bring her happiness.  Instead it  led to a prison term for Life, and an investigation into the 1993 disappearance of her father, Edward Fonder, with whom she had been living.  Nothing was found--no body, no weapon.  The police were stymied.  The most they could get out of Mary Jane was the meds she was on at the time might have caused her to do her father some harm!!!!!!!!!!!    Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            I know what happened, and so do the congregants of Trinity Lutheran.  Mary Jane somehow offed Daddy, and got rid of him.  Maybe in a gallon vat of acid, maybe by dismemberment or burning; there are all sorts of tricks, and this one knows them all, for sure!

                           Bet whatever Mary Jane brought to those church bake sales were poisoned!  I wouldn't want to meet up with her, though she does make a perfect Bitch Of The Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Church Lady and convicted killer--that's Mary Jane Fonder!

                           Now, isn't that special, darlings????????????????????

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Who, Or What, The Hell, Is Jason Cordero?????????????


                        Girls, I am telling you, the area square adjoining the IRT and BMT trains at Times Square, should be the subject of a documentary about street performers, who are there almost every hour I pass through there. At least once or twice a week, there is this--I don't know what to call it, man child, dwarf, midget--thing named Jason Cordero, who goes about playing his piano with the skill of a prodigy, and the innocence of a child.  Only I am not sure how much, if any, of a child he is.

                          I understand he has been on "America's Got Talent," which is more than can be said for myself.  But, then, if he was performing as a youth, how did he qualify??????  Has any doctor checked his pituitary and thyroid glands?????????

                           He is talented enough, but he is just such a...............THING, I honestly don't know what  to make of him!  And I don't think Jason cares.  I stare, people stare, he just keeps blithely playing away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           You know what they say about getting to Carnegie Hall, girls!!!!!!!!!!  Let's see if it pays off for Jason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once Again, Darlings, It Is Time To Ask, "Where The Hell Is My TONY Nomination????????????????"


                  Aside from this annual dilemma, it is fairly safe to say that we can say goodbye to "Doctor Zhivago," and bye bye to "Finding Neverland," because neither of those shows got diddly squat!!!!!!!!  Which means I have to rush fast, if I want to see 'Neverland', because the curious in me still wants to!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                   And no nomination for Diane Paulus, either, so you know Miss Egocentric Bitch must be royally pissed!

                    As for what did get nominated--ah!!!!!!!!!  The shows and folk I care about are "Fun Home," "An American In Paris," "The King And I" (for Best Musical Revival!) "On The Twentieth Century," and the big spectacle that is "Wolf Hall!!!!!!!!!!"  I am thrilled for Judi Kuhn and Kelli O'Hara, both long overdue for TONY'S, and have a distinct advantage by not being in the same category--Judy is Featured Musical Performance, while Kellli is Lead!!!!!!!!!!  But then there is Kristen, and she might just beat Kelli out of another TONY Award, so we shall see???????????

                    Would you believe Kristen and Allan Cumming are going to host????????  What are they thinking????????  How much thinner can Kristen be stretched??????? And who wants to look at Alan Cumming for two hours???????  All he can do, girls, is "Cabaret!!!!!!!!" His day is DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

                       I am also thrilled for "Hand Of God," and especially Steven Boyer, who I know will give a brilliant performance, being he almost walked off with the Delacorte's "King Lear" last summer, in the role of the Fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        But, with all the drama I have been going through in the last two months, I feel the nominating committee is being foolish in not nominating me!  But, like Kelli, my time will come!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Can't wait to see you all at TONY time, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Cheer Up, Bruce!!!!!!!!!!!! Things Could Be Worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                        Just cannot get off the subject of Bruce Jenner!  Bruce, I know you are no glamour puss, but, hell, at least you don't look like Colleen Gray, at the climax of "The Leech Woman."  I mean, she aged sixty years in sixty seconds.  An old hag of 85!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Which, back in 1959, was an old hag! Today, not so much; maybe a good face lift could do the trick.  But, Bruce, you don't look nearly this bad, or anguished.  I mean, Colleen/June barters her husband for youth, but the price is that it is limited, and you have to stab a man in the pineal gland and secrete fluid (with a secret ring!!!!!!!!!) to get that youthful glow.  She got so caught up with jealousy that she knocked off Sally (Gloria Talbot), that borderline slut, who she felt was first two timing her with her husband, Paul, and now Colleen/June wants Sally's fiance, Neil, as revenge for her husband, so she kills Sally, and extracts her gland. But the fluid does not work; only male secretions create youth, while those of women create age!!!!!!!!!!  You can see the results!!!!!!!!! Bruce Jenner is nowhere near this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            However, don't count on looking as good as Kim Hamilton as Young Malla!!!!!!!!!  Though Estelle Hemsely steals the show, as Old Malla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Cheer up, Bruce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And when it comes to rings, still to a gold engagement one, or Green Lantern's!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am So Happy This Won The Pulitzer For Fiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                               I still recall where I was when I finished this novel.  I was sitting in a chair, by the 42nd Street Library, on Fifth Avenue, awaiting my dental appointment.  It was October, and, as I finished this novel, tears came pouring down my face.  This does not happen often with books.

                              My original posting recommended it highly, and I still do.  It came SO close to my naming it Book Of The Year, that now I find myself a bit sorry that I did not go with, or a tie. But, then how could I ignore Francine Prose?

                                This book, though, beat out that old bag, Joyce Carol Oates!  I mean, come on, Joyce; you can't win all the time!  Besides, you are a mixed bag.  I don't know what the future holds for Doerr, but I will look forward to whatever novel follows this. It will be a tough act to follow, because this work is so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   So, now that it has won the Pulitzer, go out and read it!  And, remember, I knew how great it was first, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Monday, April 27, 2015

Oh, My God, Girls, Can You Believe It?????????? "Ding Dong School" Is Actually On DVD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                No, darlings, that is not a beans n' franks lesbian, though I cannot blame you for thinking that. That happens to be Dr. Frances Horwich, she of the soothing, maternal voice that, at times seemed warmer than our own mothers, who was one of the pioneers of children's TV, via a show called "Ding Dong School."  It preceded everything known--"Captain Kangaroo," "Wonderama," even "Sesame Street."

                                Twenty years from now, when most Baby Boomers will be wrapped in Depends, their minds having been warped by age--though not mine, darlings, it is too fervid and grotesque for that!!!!!!!!!!--caretakers will be hearing their patients espouse aphorisms by Horwich, which were learned on TV and through a series of RCA 45 rpm records many--myself included--were fortunate enough to own.

                                 Where would I be, if it wasn't for "Ding Dong School?"  I might be in real estate, or on Wall Street, rather than eking out an ebbing day job, and struggling to blog to go viral to give me the Baby Jane fame I am obviously still looking for!!!!!!!!!!!!   This program had me dancing around the room, marching in step; it's a wonder I never took up dance, but then, there were my parents, and, of course, those White Trash relations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But now "Ding Dong School" can be discovered all over again!  Childhoods can be rediscovered, past ambitions rekindled, and if the Boomer generation's children or grandchildren think them crazy, well---too damn bad!

                                  Here, darlings, is an entire episode, in which Dr. Horwich, always known as "Miss Frances" shows how to make a peanut butter and jelly, with lettuce, sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Sounds yummy, to me!  Those of us who were young at the time knew never
to question Miss Frances!!!!!!!!!!  Hell, we believed her, more than our parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Have To Say It, Darlings--Kate McKinnon and Darrell Hammond Do For The Clintons What Christine Pedi Does For Liza--They Are All Better Than The Real Things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                       What has kept my sanity, girls, over the last couple of days, was watching and re- watching videos of this talented duo impersonating the Clintons.  Kate McKinnon gets Hillary's venality with gleeful abandon, while Mr. Hammond's impersonation of Bill Clinton is so dead on, I had to look twice to make sure it was Hammond.

                          I wonder what Bill and Hill actually think of this?  I bet they love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           You know I do, darlings!  And you will, after you see what I show you!

                            But, really, now that The Hill has announced plans to run, this is going to be the most interesting campaign in history, as it will supply great material for all, yours truly included. And could we get Tina Fey, as Sarah Palin in there, again, somehow?????????????????????

                             Here is Kate/Hillary announcing her decision to run!  Watch for Bill in that one! And here is Kate again as Hill evades the email scandal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Now, if there could just be one more talented performer to get in there and do a three-way with them, as Monica Lewinsky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Girls, It Is Inevitable!!!!!!!!!!!!! We Have To Talk About Bruce Jenner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                             Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman.  Bruce Jenner is transitioning toward that.  Bruce Jenner is on suicide watch.

                              Why???????????  Because he wants to be a woman??????????????

                               Can you believe, a generation ago, some of us--girls and boys--thought Bruce the hottest thing going????????  Not me, particularly; that manufactured John Davidson look was too pat for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 But to exchange John Davidson for Joan Didion????????????  Is that smart??????????

                                 I realize not every man who transitions into a woman can look like Gene Tierney.  Speaking for myself, were I to do such a thing--which I am NOT, so don't anyone get worried!!!!!!!--I would definitely want to look like Grace Kelly!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Blythe Danner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Even by keeping my hair its reddish tint, I I could never make Rita Hayworth or Amy Adams!!!!!!!!!!  And forget Julianne Moore!  I would probably emerge as a carrot topped version of Big Ethel in the Archie comics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 I think Bruce Jenner expected to look glamorous, and was disappointed when he didn't.  Though, at least, that 80's Joan Didion look he got is a lot better than how Joan looks today!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, that is something to get depressed about.  Though I don't think it bothers Joan.  All she does is have another drink, and smoke a cig!  After all, depression is how she makes her living!!!!!!!!!  Why let a good thing go???????

                                   Is Bruce's transition complete????????  Or is it still in progress???????  Has he even begun to think about some designers???????????  Has he even perused an issue of VOGUE????????  Does he know who ANNA is???????????  He really could use the help of both she and Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    I hand it to Bruce for wanting to take this courageous step!  But in a culture where looks count, darlings--and believe me, I know, which is why I never emerge in public without make-up, though the natural looking kind--you have got to value appearance, even if there is only so much you can do!!!!!!!!  Even if Bruce morphs into Belle Watling, it would be a big step beyond 80's Joan Didion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Sorry, Bruce, you're never going to look like Joan in the 70's!!!!!!!!!!  Look how attractive she was!!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't get depressed, Bruce, you may not be a  hottie, anymore, but when you switch to personal freedom from conformity, there is always a price!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Besides, Bruce, you aren't the one who should be depressed!  Joan should be!  I mean, she actually once looked like this, and now she never will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But, then, she does have a living to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Let Me Kick Up A Ruckus Here, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                Don't get me wrong; Julia Glass' latest novel, my first really great read of 2015, is she at her characteristically excellent. However, that does not mean that, along the way, especially since she is dealing with LGBT matters, there were some things I found annoying.

                                 First, let me say the book coasts along placidly for the first half.  You get Christoper/Kit, raised by Daphne and Jasper, on a farm, and the evocation is so pastoral it seems at times like a benign "Thousand Acres," from the male viewpoint.

                                   But, once halfway through the book, the reader meets Lucinda Burns, and that is when things really pick up. And if you are serious about reading the book, stop here, because, in order to discuss annoyances, I have to reveal spoilers.

                                    Lucinda turns out to be Kit's grandmother. In a series of flashback sequences, it is revealed that a girl named Daphne, and Lucinda's son, Malachy, had a sexual relationship at a posh music camp when both were gifted teen musicians.  Daphne got knocked up, and Malachy wanted no part of it.

                                     The main reason was he was a hypocritical, self-loathing gay, who, if he had sex with a woman, was not really gay to begin with. Go ahead, attack me!  Fuck you!  If you can do it with a woman you are NOT gay!  Not only that, without the larger strokes, you can fill in what Julia leaves out--that Malachy's death by AIDS was due to his hypocrisy; he was the type of gay who would have sex with sleazy men in sordid places to satisfy his hormonal needs, but forget about a serious relationship.  And his music, too; he ends up becoming a bitchy NY Times music critic, while Daphne becomes a music teacher.

                                  I had absolutely no sympathy for Malachy, or his death, because he took the coward's out--suicide.  The only one who knew him I had compassion for was Lucinda, because she was his mother, and Glass makes the reader, through her, feel the pain of losing a child.   But Malachy was not someone I would want to know.  I would slap him across the face!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    His brother, Jonathan, is also gay, and a contrast to Malachy; I found him acceptable. Too bad Kit turned out straight, because he earns the distinction of being one of the dullest heterosexuals in literature.

                                      Was Julia trying to have it both ways?  I don't think so; she is much too intelligent a writer.  What I think she was trying to do was portray a set of families thrown into chaos by members who themselves were trying to have it both ways.  Only to learn one can't.

                                        A great deal more happens that makes this book wrenching and moving. And some of it is quite heartbreaking. Julia Glass is not afraid to shake one up, but if you go with her, the experience of reading her book will be satisfying.

                                         You can talk about it with The Girls, at the Colony Club!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Grief, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!! BARBRA Is 73!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                 Call her Babs, or La Strident, the Old Thing is getting up there. Yesterday, being her birthday, is the one day of the year she is happy, because it is the one day she gets  what makes her happiest. She gets to rest in bed all day, cursing the memory of her mother, whom she hated, while eating a huge tub of coffee ice cream at the same time that husband James Brolin...uhm....goes down on her!  That is about as delicate as I can put it, dolls, because I don't  want things to get disgusting on here!  Babs gets her yearly treat, and Brolin performs the annual duty that has kept him supported by BARBRA all these years!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 I wouldn't want to be Brolin, I can tell you!  I bet even son Josh is repulsed, and I am with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  I wonder what son Jason gives as a birthday gift! It surely is not independence, or a career!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Why does BARBRA's birthday inspire such bitchery?????????????

                                     Well, BARBRA, when you are a bitch, honey, expect to get bitched back!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Now, get the hell off of MY stage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Still Haven't Quite Gotten Baby Jane Out Of My System!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                             And why should I?  Honeys, when the stakes got high, Baby Jane took action! She bitched slapped Sister Blanche but good, because, as is found out at the end, Blanche really did deserve it!  She was the true monster, not Jane!

                               But that's me, darlings.  Now, having seen the abominable Redgrave version, and keeping in mind that Bette and Joan own it, while they cannot be topped, I see an interesting way  how it could be remade. Just bare with me.

Now, just take a look at this photo, of Sarah Paulson, as Baby Jane, and Blanche. With her stunning success  on "American Horror Story," and her skill as an actress, Sarah is the one who could play both Jane and Blanche!!!!!!!!! Now, THAT hasn't been done before, has it, darlings?  And with Sarah scoring such a double triumph as Dot and Bet, on "Freak Show," next to a revival of the musical "Side Show," what would make a better showcase for her?  Of course the trick is, as the photo shows, things have to be kept as close to the original as possible. No updating it to the Forties and the Sixties; keep Jane as a vaudeville child and Blanche as a Thirties film great.  I think it would be an added hoot to have Frances Conroy and Finn Wittrcok reprise Gloria and Dandy Mott as the Bates', originally played by Anna Lee and Bette's own daughter, Barbara Merrill.  As for the Flags, mother and son, how about Kathy Bates and a mother dominated Denis O'Hare ??????  And maybe--if done cleverly--:Lilly Rabe as the child Jane, and Naomi Grossman as Pepper, as the Child Blanche????????  And how about Michael Chiklis and Angela Bassett, as the Hudson parents?   I mean, it's multicultural casting, who cares???????

Basically, you have "American Horror Story Doing 'What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?'"  But since starting with the Sarah Paulson shot, why shouldn't Ryan go all the way!  Just remember to keep it in the right time period, and let us see the accident.

Oh, yes, and Gabourey Sidibe as Elvira!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But wait!  Would this play straight, or like parody?  Probably a bit of both!!!!!  Even the original did, so I do not think that would be too bad!!!!!!!!!

However, if you want to see the greatest parody of this film ever--with all the atmosphere kept, it has to be the one done by Dawn French and Jennifer ("Absolutely Fabulous!!!") Saunders, entitled, "What Ever Happened To Baby Dawn?"  

Here it is, darlings!  Enjoy!  And, Ryan, Sarah, and all--get busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Have An Even Better Idea For Myself, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




                        I have spent my time recently listening to a lot of people--Kelli O'Hara, Patti Lu Pone, Audra McDonald and Norm Lewis, Raul Esparza, Kristin Chenoweth, and David Hyde Pierce, among others--do this Ask A Star on Broadway.Com.  So, I am offering to do the same.

                          Now, darlings, I am not officially a Broadway star, but I am ready any time to take that mantle on.  The roles I have played you cannot begin to imagine--from evil children and nuns, to some of the greatest moments in Musical Theater.  My Fantine leaves no dry eyes, dolls, although I am still working on the Maggie Crescendo, before parading out "At The Ballet."  I mean, let's be realistic.

                           But, I have always been one to talk, so if Broadway.Com wants to come and film me, they can ask me anything they want.  In fact, they have two personae they can ask. They can either ask me as myself, and get all the show info, or ask me as The Raving Queen, and get all the  dirt!  Info and dirt are two different things, hons!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             So, get your act together Broadway.Com, and come after me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I have just as many good stories as Sutton Foster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Have The Greatest Idea, Girls---Lady Gaga as "MAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


            Now that quality has been officially brought back to the Winter Garden Theatre, with "Wolf Hall, Parts 1 and 2," (though not a musical) it is time to re-christen it with the show that helped define the glamour behind any musical to play at that theater. And that was "MAME," when it opened there, with Angela Lansbury and Company, on May 24, 1966!!!!!!!!!!!!!

             Of course, the "MAME" of today would have a very different company, starting with Lady Gaga in the title role.  Can you just see here lounging on that staircase, trumpet in hand, belting out "It's Today," with her party guests?  Or how about her alone on stage, singing "If He Walked Into My Life?"  Oh, my God!  And the costumes--just think, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

             Things such as these would set this "MAME" apart from the start. But I would like to go further, with non-traditional gender casting.  Starting with myself as Agnes Gooch, because those who have been on here long enough know I have been waiting for years to walk out on stage, after that monumental Overture, and open the show with "St. Bridget!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  And as for Vera Charles, I think Christopher Sie
ber  (who, I am pretty certain, is currently doing Miss Trunchbull in "Matilda," would be fabulous in that role!!!!!!!!!!!  Just imagine he and Lady Gaga doing "Bosom Buddies!!!!!!!!!"  And how about "The Man In The Moon????????????"

             This has so many possibilities, I want to hear from producers immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Like, right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                "MAME" has not been revived on Broadway in quite a while, darlings!  This would be one guaranteed to "Open A New Window!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                    And, NO, no racist Rosie O'Donnell, making Chinese grimaces, as Ito!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Did Shakespeare And Shirley Temple Ever Work Together??????????????????


                    You think I don't know they lived their lives in two different centuries?  Especially with my Advanced Education at that most People of universities--Network Television In The Sixties???????????

                     But seriously, girls did Shirley and the Bard ever team up?  The Little Rascals did, when they presented that classic "Romeo And Juliet,:" where Buckwheat filled in for Darla!  But, was there ever a Shakespearean number or vignette in any of Shirley's movies???????   Having seen most, but certainly not all-- I still have never seen "Susannah Of The Mounties" yet--of her movies, I cannot think of a single one, where Shakespeare is used?  If I am missing something, please let me know.

                     Yesterday, darlings, happened to be the birthdays of both, and though Shirley has only been gone for slightly over a year, she is an icon who will endure through Time, so both she and Bill still deserve to be remembered on their birthdays.  Unlike the sick scum you see on "Investigation Discovery," who get the Death Penalty, and don't deserve remembrance!  But not Jodi Arias!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      So, if anyone out there can prove to me that Shirley and Shakespeare worked together, I will gladly post it on here!

                        Happy (Belated) Birthdays, Bill and Shirl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Belated BOTW, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                              No, girls, I had not forgotten about Thursday, but when you a re felled by a migraine from things being piled on one, well, what is a Raving Queen to do?  I had this week's Bitch Of The Week all picked out, and here he is--film director David O.,Russell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              This bitch had the temerity to abuse Amy Adams during the filming of "American Hustle;" so much so that Christian Bale had to come to her defense.  Can you imagine?  And he directed her in "The Fighter."

                                 Well, listen, I haven't been in this business long enough not to know that old routine--using abuse as an excuse to get what is wanted out of the performer.  It is called Direction Through Intimidation, and Russell is not the only one to practice it; here in the New York Theater, Joe Mantello is famous for it!

                                  What happened to Amy was similar to Lauren Chapin and Peter Tewkesbury on the "Father Knows Best," set, which I reported on, awhile back.  Amy may have been too classy to do what was needed, but I can tell you I would not have been.  I would have slapped David O. Russell clear across his face, and walked off the set.

                                     Can you believe this bitch, darlings?????????  Amy Adams???????????  I'd like to see him try the same routine with MERYL STREEP!  He would have his balls handed to him on a silver platter, and stuffed down his throat!  And if he keeps up this kind of behavior, he will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Like Denis O'Hare, he will be the South's newest Meep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"Should We Sing A Song About The Trees Of Arbor Day???????????????"


                          Happy Arbor Day, everyone!  I only learned about this holiday, which celebrates matters agrarian, from the Little Rascals short of the same title.  Can't you just see me doing the final number, in that midget dress, with the eye make-up?  I mean, come on Ryan Murphy, can't you work me doing this into the upcoming season of "American Horror Story?????"

                            For years, save for the Rascals, it was a long forgotten holiday, one never given days off to.   Then, around 1970, with the post-Woodstock disenchantment onset, when ecology kicked in, it became Earth Day, which it remains today.  But I prefer calling it Arbor Day!

                              There has never been a holiday song, like this one!  I would love to perform it.  But you have to listen fast, girls, to catch all the lyrics, when it goes very up tempo!  I still don't have all the words down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 As Helen Lawson would say, "Plant your own tree, and make it grow!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It's Already Being Called "Doctor Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzhivago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                          The musical adaptation of "Doctor Zhivago" opened last night, at the Broadway Theatre,  and seems to have justified all low expectations. The biggest shock, as far as I am concerned, is that Lucy Simon, Carly's sister, and composer of the brilliant score for that great musical, "The Secret Garden," years back, is the composer  of this show.

                            Let us hope this turkey is chopped up and dismembered, before too many people fall victim to seeing it.  It could lead to illness, becoming the West Nile Virus of Musical Theater.  At least, I pray, it exits quickly, so my beloved can not get tickets to this clunker, which would be a bigger waste than "Spider-Man--Turn Off The Dark."  At least, there, you had the pleasure of watching Julie Taymor's--that bitch!--career go down the tubes, and it was a form of Snuff Theater--who would get killed or injured, every night?  That I do not  advocate this as an art form!  But that show was entertaining in ways "Doctor Zhivago" could not possibly be--akin to watching the proverbial train wreck.

                            I mean, does the Klaus Kinski ("I am the only free man on this train!") character  get a musical number???????  He should; I just provided the title!!!!!!!!!   Hell, I might have been interested in playing him!

                             May this show vanish painlessly.

                             Meanwhile, why not a musical of "Black Narcissus?"  I am just PERFECT as Sister Ruth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forty Lashes With A Wet Noodle For This Queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                Forgive me, darlings, but my stress level has been so high lately--it could be menopausal--that I neglected to mention that yesterday was the birthday of the iconic Patti Lu Pone!!!!!!! (Ironically, too, it was the 38th Anniversary of the opening night of the original "Annie" on Broadway!!!!!!!!)  Patti turned 66 yesterday, and I, for one, cannot believe it!!!!!!!!!  Again, if Patti is that old, what does that make me?  And her voice is still as glorious as ever; she may not be able to hit those "Evita" notes, but, then, who would, at that age, and, as we know, after "Sunset Boulevard," Patti and Mr. Lloyd Webber  went well their separate ways!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 It did not hurt Patti any, who is still out there, plugging away, and won a well deserved TONY (her second) for her definitive turn in "Gypsy."  And don't forget, Theater History claims her as the Original Fantine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  So, happy belated birthday, Patti and many more!  Please don't stop performing, at least not until I play "Funny Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                    But what selection to leave my girls with?  There is such a wide array.  Let's see if I can find one of my favorites.

                                      And here it is!  A youthful Patti, circa 1976, doing what would become one of
her signature songs--"Meadowlark," from "The Baker's Wife!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                        Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Girls, No Matter What, Fashion Must Remain A Priority!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                       No one knew that better than Aunt Pittypat, (aka Sarah Jane Hamilton, of "Gone With The Wind," a book and film many of us on here live as a personal mantra!!!!!!!!) who, when the tough got going, got out the hatboxes and prioritized.  She was as much a survivor, in her own way, as Scarlett, who, once the money came in, was no fashion slouch herself.

                        That is why, girls, you must be ready on every occasion.  Company, a luncheon, having to flee from whomever--you cannot under emphasize fashion. It follows us, wherever we go!
Look at Aunt Pittypat, who is one of the important characters in one of the last century's most important works of fiction, and has a restaurant--Aunt Pittypat's Porch--in Atlanta, named after her.  I am anxious to go there, myself!

                          And you can bet I will be fashionably dressed, darlings!!!!!!!!!  Make sure you are!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A Tale Of Two Sickos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                           I can't tell you who was the sicker of the two, darlings--Paxton Brown, or Chris Porco--but I can tell you this--one was a psychopath, the other a sociopath.

                           Let's start with Paxton Brown, as his is the oldest of the two crimes.  He is the psychopath, who, from an early age, listened to no one except his mother's equally deranged sister, Charlene Murphy.  Now, in 1986, Paxton was a mature looking 15, and he was romantically interested in 13-year-old Robyn Star Field, who seemed a little childlike for that age.  Maybe because she was too young, or she just had good sense, Robyn made it clear to Paxton she was not interested in him.  But that was not good enough for him; oh, no Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            On April 22, 1986, Paxton invited Robyn and their friend, Jimmy Martin, also 13, over to his house, to listen to music.  Now, get this--in the house at the time, besides the children, were the boy's Aunt Charlene, her 3-year-old son, a grandmother, and an uncle.  Once the music got going, Paxton told Jimmy to rev up the volume, because he was going to kill Robyn. Which he did, despite her best efforts to escape, and which Jimmy witnessed, and was threatened with his life by Paxton.

                            Then Paxton gets Aunt Charlene in on the action, and they drive to a river, with Robyn's body wrapped in a bed sheet, and dump her., She was eventually found, and Paxton and the aunt went on trial, but get this--Paxton got Life in the Southeastern Correctional Institution Lancaster, Ohio.   But Aunt Charlene got nothing!  Though she may have died in 2013, at the age of 56!   But not before, I hope, someone slapped their hand across that bitch's face, but good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Society will see no more of Paxton.  He is finished!

                             As is Chris Porco, who, by way of being a sociopath, is more dangerous. With Paxton, one knew up front the kid was dangerous, but with Porco's looks, charm, love of animals and all sorts of things that would  make one want to puke, no one dreamed he was a manipulator of money from his parents, he shoplifted, robbed, and told all his frat bros at the University Of Rochester that his family was wealthy and influential, running up their credit cards to support his lies.
Eventually, Daddy Peter put up a fuss and put a stop to this, and that is when Chris drove home one night to suburban Albany, broke into the house, cut off the security system, secured a fireman's ax from the garage, and went up to his parents room, and bludgeoned them. His father was killed, but his mother, Joan, survived by a miracle, and now is just bursting with love and declaring his innocence,.
Innocence, my ass!  Chris was found guilty--no other suspect was even identified or singled out-- and, on August 10, 2006, the verdict was handed down. Chris was given a 50 years to Life sentence, and is now serving that in the Clinton Correctional Facility, in Dannemora, New York. His mother, Joan, out of delusion and/or love continues to visit him, and spouts his innocence.  I wonder about his brother, Jonathan!!!!!!!!!  Huh????????????????

                             These two are sick, but Chris is the more dangerous of the two. He can hide his ills, Paxton can't.  It is the ones who hide, the quiet ones, you have to watch out for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Don't worry, Chris!  With your looks, you won't spend much time alone!  Paxton is just plug ugly, but so he will never be a bitch!  But, you, Chris, you are going to be everybody's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Isn't Justice sometimes poetic, darlings????????????????????

Oh, My God, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did Carol Channing Bail Liza Out Of Rehab????????????????????????


                             Liza Minnelli is now out of rehab, and the question I know you all want to know is--what is she going to do next?  She actually could star in a revival of "Cabaret;" hell, everyone else has!!!!!!!!  I mean, if Gina Gershon  could do it, why not???????

                               The first thing I think Liza should do is meet up with Beyonce at Burger King!  You know what Liza says, "Once you kill the cow, you gotta make a burger!"  She and Beyonce each could chow down on two cheese burgers, onion rings, french fries, chicken strips and apple pie, and a chocolate shake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It might send me to the hospital, but it won't hurt them.  Not with what is already in their system!  Especially Liza's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Poor thing!  I fear she is going to get all that Halston red, and end up in Vegas doing excerpts from "The Act," in a sleazy club show!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Liza, Liza!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Redgrave Version Had No Bite, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                 My girls all know, by now, that this is Gina Gillespie (sister of Convicted Felon and Grown Mouseketeer, Darlene, whose younger sister, a lawyer, repeatedly bails her out!!!) in her signature child role as young Blanche Hudson, at the start of 'Baby Jane', just as she about to utter that iconic line--"I won't forget!  You BET I won't forget.

                  This line is so important, as is Gina's delivery, because, when we get to the ending on the beach, think back to it, and you realize Blanche has been the real villain all along. Gina and Joan (Crawford) both dripped venom; neither Vanessa or her child portrayer conveyed any sense of bitterness or acrimony.

                    "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane" resonates for so many.  It is a story of a family destroyed by the father's obsession with show business and fame.  Many of us, and I speak certainly here for myself, see in this film the childhood I wished I had had---ie; Jane's.  Jane may be bitter, but at least she had it.

                         Poor Lynn and Vanessa were just so wrong.  No wit, no camp, no idea of what is actually going on. Done as a cheap TV movie, maybe it was inevitable. But put it on the stage, say, and it might be a different situation.

                             And I am ready to play Baby Jane, anytime, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

And Here Is Another Piece Of Crap, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                 Some things are better left alone.  When ABC first broadcast the Made-For- TV remake of "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?," with the Redgrave Sisters, I knew I had to watch it, but it was so awful I blocked it out!  The Bette and Joan version owns the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  It still does, because, yesterday, I found the Redgraves' version on YouTube, and, with the distance of 24 years, watched it with a degree of more objectivity!  They still get the basics of the story, compressed into about an hour-and-a half, but there are so many questions it raises.  And not just, why do it?

                                  The opening is so confusing, because you don't know what is happening.  The viewer first sees a swirling mist of snow, and the camera pulls back to reveal a little girl, made up to resemble Melissa Gilbert, on the 'Little House' set, singing a song to a doll.  What does this have to do with 'Baby Jane?'  Then the camera pulls back all the way, and you see that you are on a movie set.  This Baby Jane Hudson was a child star, in the Shirley Temple/Margaret O'Brien vein--the time is now the 1940s--when she was famous for a series of films referred to as the "North Post" series.  Blanche is assigned the role of her sister's stand-in, and the parents are just living off their children's money.  Just like in the original movie and Henry Farrell novel.

                                   What the sequence lacks is background.  You get a sense of the tension between the sister's, even as children, but nothing like Gina Gillespie's classic line, "I won't forget!  You BET I won't forget!"   Nothing is explained as to how the parents died, and Blanche here becoming the adult star that Jane could not become, and worst of all--the accident is not shown!  These were major mistakes, made either because the filmmakers were trying to compress the story, or felt viewers were so familiar with it they could fill in the dots!  Bad move, guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      In the present day, Blanche is so hale and hardy, she looks like she could knock Jane across the room.  Vanessa is so over sized they could not find a wheelchair big enough for her to sit in.  The mother and daughter of the original are now this California yuppie couple living next door; the husband actually has one of the film's best lines; upon seeing Lynn, as Jane, he says to his wife, "She looks like she was trapped at Woodstock."  My beloved thought she looked made up to play Mrs. Lovett in "Sweeney Todd," and you know, he was not far off!

                                       There is a sadistic sort of pleasure in seeing Vanessa knocked around.  This is the film that established her as a dying hag, which is who you now call when you need someone to play just that!
As for Lynn as Jane, she skips around, going back and forth from childishness to Sixties chic that is inconsistent with the story's character, who wanted the permanence of childhood.  I think she was so determined not to channel Bette Davis--as if she could--that she comes across as some sort of transsexual in evolution.  Except you are never sure from which gender to what.

                                        Elvira, the housekeeper in the original (so brilliantly played by the great Maidie Norman--"See you next Tuesday!") now becomes Dominick, a black masseuse straight out of Tennessee Williams' short story, and one wonders about him coming to live with Blanche!  Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!!!  What is done with the Victor Buono's character is fascinating; Edwin Flagg, the over aged Mama;s Boy, is replaced by a sleazy hustler on the make named Billy Korn, played by John Glover, giving the film's best performance.  He works in a sleazy video store, lives in a sleazy rat hole of a room, probably in a sleazy hotel in the L.A. red light district, amid druggies, whores and hustlers, so that, during these moments, the film morphs into an interesting blend of "Sunset Boulevard" and "Midnight Cowboy."  If this had been maintained, instead of so blatantly copying the Farrell novel and classic film, this might have gone somewhere.  The most interesting shot in the entire film is of Glover crossing a street, and the camera pulls back, revealing an enormous wall, onto which is painted a mural of three Golden Age movie stars--Humphrey Bogart,, center, Clark Gable, far right, and, on the far left, the one the camera falls on and lingers on the longest.....Bette Davis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!  Homage, or what??????????  Bette would have been pissed, and so would Joan!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God they weren't alive to say this.  They might have agreed on the only time in their lives, and jointly decided to burn the negative!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Having blocked out my memory of the initial viewing, my memory of the ending was of Lynn skipping around in a public park.  But, no, it's still at the beach,  Blanche in the sand, confessing to Jane, but the line delivery is so poor that when Lynn says the now classic line, "Then you mean all this time, we could have been friends?," it lacks the pathos and poignancy that Davis gave it, and Vanessa's confessional lacks the malevolence of Blanche; here, she tosses it off, more or less as an after thought.  Like, "Oh, Jane, I'm dying, so by the way...."

                                       Blanche's death, which I maintain happens, is something that has been argued over for fifty years.  The novel makes it clear she dies.  So does the 1962 film, even though, in the final long shot, you see the police finding Blanche.  But she has been so dehydrated, and now out  in the blazing sun for twelve hours, how could she survive???????  This version has a still alive Blanche being hauled into an ambulance on a gurney, but she could die later.

                                        What is interesting is how the film ends, with Jane.  Except for Billy, no sign is ever given of anyone remembering her old movies.  In the original, crowds thronged to the spectacle of a nutty woman, acting like a child, giving Jane the "audience" she wanted back again!  In this version, Jane is denied this; which says something about public apathy, and the lack of historicity in today's culture; she walks into the ocean, where I thought she was going to commit suicide, like Norman Maine in "A Star Is Born."  She  is carrying her Baby Jane doll, and at some point, the doll is let go, and seen floating on the ocean, in a lingering shot, and I thought, "Oh, well. Jane could not face being alone without Blanche, so she drowned herself," which the doll symbolizes.  This would have been tragic and poetic.

                                           But, no, this is a Made-For TV film, so crassness rules.  A cop goes into the waves after Jane, pulls her out, and she looks at him quizzically, calling "Papa?"  He ushers Jane onto the land, where she delivers the last line, "Let's go live at the beach!"  Then the camera freezes on Jane's obviously insane look, and there you have it--trapped in that body, in a  mental hospital.  And ripped off from the final shot of that underrated 1972 Twentieth-Century Fox film, "The Other!"

                                            Hell, as long as the filmmakers here were deviating so far from the plot--Jane is even dolled out in adult Sixties garb to Glover's playing he r sister in drag, which sends her off the edge, when she sees a whole theater of freakish looking people laugh at her--they might as well have used the ending I always envisaged for the film, before actually seeing it.  A close shot on Jane in the dark, a spot hitting her face.  She begins to sing, in a genuinely talented voice, dressed as a child.  The camera pulls back, and as it does, the image fades, and morphs into Jane in rags and where she really is--in an an auditorium of the asylum she is now in, where she can now be the "STAR" attraction.

                                             It would have made more sense than how this film ends!

                                              To think William Aldrich, Robert's (who directed the original) son, and who was the little boy in the vaudeville sequence, was this version's Executive Producer!  He should have been haunted by his father's ghost--like Hamlet!  Maybe he was!  Or, he must have been hard up for cash!  That's Hollywood, darlings; anything for a buck!  To hell with art!

                                               'Baby Jane' deserved better than this!  But, when I get to play her, dolls, she will!  I practically live the part, anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Even the rat scene got shortchanged, to a sandwich crawling with worms!  And a meat loaf designed to resemble the neighbors' dog, whom Jane killed!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Since yesterday was Hayley Mills' birthday, how about she and Juliet doing Jane and Blanche????????  Now, THAT could be interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Staten Island Is Full Of Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                            I mean, really!  The whole thing is built on it, which says something symbolic about the place!

                            We spent yesterday on a joy ride, with Auntie Alvin, through Staten Island, and it raised so many questions for me.  Like, people actually LIVE here?  Why?  What does it have to offer, beside fast food joints, and strip malls?  Of course, that could be said about some parts of Long Island and New Jersey, but on Staten you are isolated by water from the rest of New York City, which is another kind of imprisonment!

                          And the people!  Oh, my God!  White and low class Euro Trash, doing nothing but driving cars and shopping.  At the K-Mart level of sophistication, for God's sake!

                            Even the Barnes and Noble we went to!  Would you believe I walked out of there empty handed????  When was the last time, darlings, you heard, on here, about me walking out of a book store empty handed???????????  Not a classic on the shelves!!!!!!!!!!  Dickens?  It was like he was never heard of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I was hoping to find Sara Gruen's follow up to "Water For Elephants," entitled "Ape House," because I want to read that, before reading her latest, "At Water's Edge."  But did you think I could find it????  Of course not!  Apparently, the concept of inventory isn't grasped on Staten Island!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I was so relieved when we got back to civilization in Brooklyn!  What a way to mark Hayley Mills' birthday!  Staten Island is one big dump!

                               Who knew, when Bette Davis said the classic line, "What a dump!" in the 1949 melodrama, "Beyond The Forest," that she was being prophetic????  She was talking about Staten Island!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Happy Birthday, Hayley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                         Today is Hayley Mills' birthday, and I would be remiss, if I did not wish her a happy one!  To think she is 69 years old today, which means, next year,she will be 70!  My God, I was a child, when she was a child actress!  What does that make me??????????

                          But, let's not dwell on Time, and what it does!  How does one celebrate a Hayley Mills birthday??????  Why, with a High Tea, and then a screening of one of her films!  So, dig into your DVDs, girls, and pull out one of Hayley's classics, in honor of her day!

                            Hayley always brought cheer, and continues to!  Which is why we all love her!

                            Here is proof--my favorite, "Cobbler, Cobbler!"  Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Happy Birthday, Hayley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, I Just Love Sister Ruth In "Black Narcissus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                              I am certain that when Sister Camille and the girls gather at the Mother House in Glendale, one way they relax is by watching the 1947 Michael Powell classic, "Black Narcissus!!!!!!!!!!!"
And the main reason for that is for Kathleen Byron's scene stealing turn as Sister Ruth!  This is about as far from the reverence of "The Song Of Bernadette" as you can get!

                               Oh, that Sister Ruth!  One wonders if she should have become a nun in the first place!
Someone should have given her a copy of "The Well Of Loneliness" by Radclyffe Hall!  It might have saved her life!  And, while I can understand being attracted to Deborah Kerr, she was hidden by all that nun finery!  I would have thought she would be more drawn to Jean Simmons as the Indian Princess!

                                   But love was blind, when it came to Sister Ruth, and her heart went to Deborah!  It certainly didn't go to the convent--the most gorgeous one in film history!!!!!!!!!  Those prayers are not pious, but those of a crazed nymphomaniac!

                                    Which is my take on Sister Ruth!  I think she displayed nymphomaniacal tendencies in adolescence, and her parents thought the convent would be the perfect cure!  Of course, they had no idea that by putting her in an all female environment, it would feed her craving!

                                       And that is why she descends into madness, which Byron plays so gloriously over the top it goes into the realm of Camp!!!!!!!!!  When it is time for her Big Scene, and she goes flying over that cliff, I bet Sister Camille and the others all shout, "Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere she gooooooooooooes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                             

                                Darlings, I am telling you, you just gotta love Sister Ruth!  Byron's performance has to be seen to be believed!

                                  And, so, too, should "Black Narcissus," which even has Sabu!!!!!!!!  Yes!!!!!!!!!!

                                  This is what should be turned into a Broadway musical!  Not "Finding Neverland!"

                                   I want to play Sister Ruth!  With a show stopping number sending me over that cliff, and guaranteed to win me a TONY Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Swear I Am Not Making This Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                          What a day yesterday started out to be; thank God it ended with me coming home, and a kiss from Cujo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             But that morning, my beloved and I had just gotten on the Manhattan bound R at 77th Street, in Brooklyn.  The train stopped at Bay Ridge Avenue, one stop away, and on board came this thin, young woman, who, at first, I thought, because of her weight and hair style, was trying to emulate Karen Carpenter.  But Karen had an attractiveness about her, and when I got a good look at this woman I saw that she looked like--Sandra Knight, as Trudy Morton, in the monster make-up in "Frankenstein's Daughter."  I mean, she had the exact same hairstyle and eyebrows, as seen above.  And they were cold, and monstrous looking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Darlings, it is a wonder I did not scream aloud, like Sally Todd, as Susie Lawler!  "Look," I said to my beloved, "it's Frankenstein's Daughter!!!!!!!!!!"  Would you believe he tried to hush me, thinking the woman had heard me?  If she had, I would have been attacked by a monster!  Then he said, "You mean "Frankenstein's Granddaughter!"  Or Great Granddaughter!"

                             Whatever, she looked like the photo above.  And this was no make-up, this was her!  Now, I have a fear of my old Bay Ridge neighborhood, of this woman running around at night, in a robe, and a one-piece Fifties style bathing suit!   GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              It is a wonder I didn't have nightmares last night!  But that was due, I think, to Cujo!

                              So help me, Frankenstein's Daughter lives and breathes!  The legacy of Sandra Knight goes on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 17, 2015

Do You Know Who Was At The "Finding Neverland" Opening, The Other Night?????????? That Skank, Perez Hilton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                  I have made no secret of the fact that I have a deep seated curiosity about the musical version of "Finding Neverland."  So, why the hell wasn't I invited to the Broadway opening?
                                  But that skank Perez Hilton was!!!!!!!!!  I mean, this guy is dressed like Cazwell in the "I See Beyonce At Burger King" video!!!!!!!!!  Do you think I would show up at a Broadway opening, looking like this???????????  This wasn't the other night, but I would not be surprised if that Perez Hilton showed up, looking just as trampy as this!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, what would ANNA say???????  I'd love to hear here side of this!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   I am telling you, this blog is more informative than anything of Hilton's. I understand it is actually getting Liza through rehab!!!!!!!!!!!  So, you think the press or box office at "Finding Neverland" could send The Raving Queen a couple of free tickets, to check out the show!!!!!!!!!  I mean, this is the day before Hayley Mills' birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    This show has messed up in so many ways!  First by hiring Diane Paulus, then not inviting me to the opening!  Well, you know what? Shows can be opened, but they can be closed!!!!!!!!  Now that Diane has been ousted from the Theater Community, it is time to do the same with Perez, and send this show to the boondocks of Goat Alley or its Midwestern equivalent where lowbrows will make it into the hit New Yorkers who are too sophisticated are not able to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Watch it, Perez!!!!!!!!!!  Your street cred is fading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!