Tuesday, April 30, 2013

So Long, April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   And, so, girls, another month walks off into the sunset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                   Can you believe that, as of today, we are already one third through 2013????????  And what a one third it has been!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      From BARBRA's Birthday, to Bombs In Boston, this has been a month of happenings, some of which were better off not taking place.  It was a month when I discovered what truly lay behind closed doors of such suburban enclaves as Rutgers Village.  It was the month my father turned 98!!!!!!!!!!   And the month Monsieur and I re-experienced the radiant magic of Jessie Mueller, whose star status was re-consolidated to us.

                                           So, now we have May, which to me has always meant flowers!!!!!!!!!!!  Let's hope the happenings keep happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              I will certainly be on hand to report, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Bit Of Literary Caviar, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Can you believe, girls, it has been ten years, since Nell Freudenberger's "Lucky Girls" became the literary event of the Season??????  And I have been promising myself to read it all this time.  Well, I finally have,. and I can safely say, not since "Interpreter Of Maladies" does a short story collection satisfy so well.  Mind you, it is not up to 'Interpreter'--that would be a miracle, indeed!!!!!--but it is in the right class, as far as the caliber of writing and narration goes.

                                                Freudenberger spent a year after college travelling through India, and this represents, I think, a fictionalized account of some of her experiences during these travels.  There are only five stories, but   "The Orphan," and "The Tutor" are the most compelling in plot and themes.  But the piece de resistance is the final story, "Letter from the Last Bastion," chronicling the relationship between a teenage girl and a renowned  writer that fascinates from a literary standpoint, but recalls, to me at least, the swirl of controversy surrounding the Joyce Maynard-J.D. Salinger relationship.  I have to wonder was Miss Freudenbergeer  influenced by that??????????  Or am I the only reader to whom such a  suggestion surfaces??????????  One thing about this story--in its scope and expansiveness, it shows the author is capable of painting on a larger  canvass.  In the years following "Lucky Girls," she has published a novel, "The Dissident," and I look forward avidly to reading that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Maybe in another ten years, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A REAL Piece Of Work, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            This is Jon Thomas Ford, scion to a wealthy contracting family from Alamo Heights, Texas.  Mr. Entitlement has had all the money and privilege one could want. But there is something he could not get--a decent relationship with a woman. Since high school days, Mr. Ford had a history  of alienating women with his behavior, and reacting violently toward it.  In one case, he keyed a girl's car.  In another, he resorted to harassment.

                                               Those girls are lucky, though--they are still alive.  Which is not the case with Dana Clair Edwards, also from a wealthy area family, whom he not only bludgeoned and strangled-but--get this, loves--stomped to death her adorable Jack Russell dog, named Grit!  Grit's body was found in a nearby park a week after Dana was discovered in her apartment!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Which goes to show, dolls, that the Alex Forrests out there are not always women.  This was another case of "Fatal Attraction."  For several years, Jon and Dana had dated, but, somewhere along the way, Dana decided to end things, or at least take it down a notch.  She wanted to remain friends with Jon Thomas, but didn't think they were going anywhere, as a relationship.

                                                    Several years dating is enough to get to know the other's idiosyncrasies!!!!!!  Perhaps Dana saw too many of Jon's, which she found disturbing, did not like, so decided to back off.

                                                       Jon Thomas did not take this well, and things came to a head on December 31, 2008, when, with Dana and a group of friends, he attended a New Years Eve party.  He was hoping to reignite things with Dana, whom he had given a Christmas present to, the week before!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Dana, smart girl, would have none of it, and left the party early, which was also smart, but all this cost her her life.  After the party broke up, Jon Thomas, fueled with rage, went home, drove over to Dana's confronted her, resulting in an escalation of emotion that led to the killings of  she and Grit, on January 1, 2009!!!!!!!   A little dog, can you believe that????????  Kick Mr. Corporate Blowhard in the balls!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         He was 42, and a loser, when he committed this crime.  When he is out of prison, in 40 years, his life will be virtually over at 83.  All because Mr. Entitlement did not get what he wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!  And an innocent woman, and an even more innocent dog are dead.

                                                            You have to grieve for Dana's family.  It was heartbreaking to discover that, all through the trial, her father was carrying a backpack containing the cremated ashes of both Dana and Grit.  As if they were there both in body and spirit.  Creepy????????  Maybe!!!!!!!!!  But indicative of how strong their grief ran!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                As for Jon Thomas' family--nothing!!!!!!!!!!! One wonders what kind of upbringing he must have had, which turned him into a monster!!!!!!!!!  And a fat, ugly one, to boot!!!!!!!!!  If they are still alive, may they feel complicit in Dana's death--for what they did or did not do right with Jon Thomas resulted in how he turned out. Not too well, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                  Forty years in prison?  Maybe, but better to lock him in a kennel, and have the dogs rip him to pieces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                      Woof, woof, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April 30, At Last, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Usually, girls, the monthly farewell is reserved as the last  blog post, but today I am starting out with it, because of its tremendous importance.  Yes, we have come to the end of another month, but my father has, on this day, marked the passage of another year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Today, my father, still alive and kicking, reaches the ripe old age of......98!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  That's right!  Can you believe it, darlings?????????????  How many of us are going to reach that numerical point??????????  Not too many, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    The BIG celebration was held this past Saturday, complete with Blood Relations,  (some of which might have come from Investigation Discovery!!!!!!!!!!) at the beautiful and elegant William Penn Inn, on 1017 De Kalb Pike in Gwynedd, PA!  The decor was just fabulous, dolls, and so was the food!
My father chowed down on everything in sight!  With his own teeth, yet!  How many of US, even NOW, can still say THAT?????????????

                                     How does he do it?  Clean living, I used to think, but now  I am not so sure?  True, his short term memory is shot, and he gets anxiety, but he still goes on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      So, here is to another April 30, with my father on Earth!  And you know what comes after 98????  99?????????  And then........................

                                       Darlings, if we are all here (including she!!!!!!) I am going to fly in LIZA for that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Do Any Of MY Girls Need Cascade Kitchen Counselor???????????

                                    I just love these commercials, darling, featuring actress Beth Littleford, in the title role!!  When I first saw it, I was somewhat taken aback.  I thought it was some blonde wannabe doing yet another impersonation of Diane Dykeman, who was just a big old wannabe, herself!!!!!!!!!!  But, as the ads evolved into a series, I came to love Beth in the role, and look forward to current, past, and future ads.

                                     Let's face it, what a great gig for Beth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But do my girls need Kitchen Counselor????????  I certainly hope not, darlings, because I expect everyone out there to keep their kitchen and the bathroom--the most widely used rooms in any home--fresh and sparkling!!!!!!!!!!!  That's right--fresh and sparkling!!!!!!!!!!!  Just like mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I certainly do not need Kitchen Counselor!  Though, to be honest, I do get a little--actually a LOT of--help in this department from Monsieur, who is as good as any Kitchen Counselor out there!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            We don't have a dishwasher, so we don't need Cascade. My mother, I remember, had one, and I know she used Cascade.  I would have loved to see the go-to between she and Kitchen Counselor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Kind of like me, in a bookstore!  Or a theater, when the house doors first open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Was Clearly The Opening Of The Season!!!!!!!!!! So, How Come I Was Not Invited????????

                                            Darlings, don't you think Fran Lebowitz is looking a little peaked these days??????  When I first saw this photo, I thought, "My God!  Is she ill????????"

                                               Nevertheless, when you have she, Graydon Carter AND Diane Von Furstenberg  in attendance at the same event, the question must be asked--where in hell was the Raving Queen?????????  And what on earth was the event???????????

                                                  The first can be answered easily; it was the opening night of the Bette Midler-Sue Mengers play, "I'll Eat You Last!"  The second is more difficult to ponder--it boils down to the unthinkable--

                                                     I SIMPLY WAS NOT ASKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Such a thing sounds inconceivable, I know!  I think the reason, for both Fran and Graydon, stems from my not having yet visited them at the Waverly Inn, taking up residence, alongside Fran's table!!!!!!!!!  Which I have planned to do for some time, but, with my schedule, dolls, I can only be in so many places, at once!  When one is the Raving Queen, darlings, everyone wants a piece of the action, and, most especially, of my time!  I am only human, loves!!!!!!!!!  I have only so much to give!  And I do not want to burn myself out, like Bette at the end of "The Rose!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                       As for Diane, darlings, we have not been able  to coordinate our schedules enough to have lunch, especially downtown at the once randy Meatpacking District,  (which I only know about by hearsay, girls!!!!!!!!!!) after which I can stroll into Diane's scrumptious little boutique around 14th Street, or thereabouts, where I know she will let me pick out the most fetching purse or reticule!!!!!!!!

                                                        But I can't schmooze, dolls, if I am not invited!  How I was omitted from this theatrical list is a mystery, but it will not be happening again!!!!!!!!.  Otherwise I may have to take strong actions!  Like forcing those who omit me to read Joan Didion!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't push me, darlings, I can do it!!!!!!!!

                                                          Fran, Graydon, and Diane!  What an evening of glamour!  I should have been there, to witness it all!

                                                           And Fran really IS looking haggard, isn't she, loves??????????

"Four Great Candies In One Great Bar????" So, How Come This Never Went Anywhere????????

"Sky Bar! Gives you four!
Caramel Crunch!
Peanut Toffee!
Chocolate Fudge!
Vanilla Chew!
Rich milk chocolate, best by far!
Four great candies, in one great bar!
Sky Bar!  
Gives you four!
Sky Bar gives you four!"
--Sky Bar TV ad jingle

This song was sung throughout my Sixties TV childhood, whenever this candy bar would be advertised on TV!!!!!!!!!!!  I loved the colorful candy wrapping; between that and the song, I was anxious to sample a Sky Bar.  But they were very hard to find, in the candy stores of my day.  And when I finally did sample one, to be honest, the experience was less than satisfying.  In fact, it did not taste good at all!
Why????????  Did you know it was first on the market, back in 1938, long before I, or any of MY girls on here, were born????????  It was manufactured by Necco, which was supposedly one of the first candy manufacturers in the United States!!!!!!  And herein lies the problem!
It simply did not taste good.  The ingredients, from the chocolate, to the fillings, were, frankly, crappy!
Had this been turned out by Mars, Nestle, or Hershey, I am sure the results would have been different, I would have gobbled up Sky Bars during my childhood, recalling them fondly today, and it might still
be more visible on the market NOW!  As it is, it is as less visible than in my day!  Some thins never change!
Necco was a candy company who sucked!  Their ingredients were cheap, and they tasted like it. Most kids, in my day, once sampling a Sky Bar, did not come back for more.  And are not about to, today???????
And darlings, I ask you, what the hell is a Vanilla Chew????????????

Thursday, April 25, 2013

"I've Seen The Future, And, Kids, It's Not A Lot Of Laughs!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                   You just gotta love someone who would say that, darlings!!!!!!!  The most prescient statement about Things To Come since Victor Hugo first summed things up in "Les Miserables!!!!!!!!"  So, I can tell you, I plan to run, not walk, to see Bette Midler as Sue Mengers in "I'll Eat You Last!"  But I am going to be stampeded, because, girls, I am telling you, as God blew breath into me, I just know every Theater Queen this side of the Hudson will be clamoring to do the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Actually, this play, written by, of all people, John Logan (who wrote "Red") sounds a lot like my life.  Sue Mengers (Bette) sits around her palatial digs, and dishes  to the audience.  Sort of like what happens when visitors come to see me.  I am generally seated in my living room, in the green chair, feet on the ottoman, where I pretty much stay, save when I stand to greet people, and maybe trill a Streisand song or two!!!!!!!!!!  And I sit and dish story after story--just like some of the ones I do on here, darlings, although I have yet to tell the one about Jimmy Farkas and Debbie Osborne!!!!!!!  I am saving that one for if I have a writer's block!!!!!!!!!  Tease, tease, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     And this play should also serve as a lesson (as should this blog) to Douglas Carter Beane, on how to be insightful and witty, and write a good piece of theater, while doing it.  Rather than selling out, as Beane seems to have done, with such high powered shows as "Sister Act" and the now reconstituted "Cinderella!!!!!!!!!"  To think he wrote "As Bees In Honey Drown!!!!!!!"  I can barely believe it, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       It would seem that "I'll Eat You Last" is the sure fire bitchfest of the Season, and no one loves a good bitchfest more than yours truly, and all my girls on here!  This is probably what Julia Phillips' famous book, "You'll Never Eat Lunch In This Town Again," was SUPPOSED to be--fun, bitchy and entertaining--before getting lost in the mire that was Julia's Pity Party for her drug problems!!!!!!!!!
And speaking of never eating lunch in town again, has anyone told that to Reese Witherspoon?????? High time they did!!!!!!!!!!!  Consider yourself told, Reese honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         I cannot wait to see this play!  Like I said, it's just like my life!!!!!!!!!  Which I can see for free!!!!!!!!!!!!  This I would not miss for the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           See you at the box office line, dolls!  And, yes, the Raving Queen will deign to speak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't Forget To Set Your TV Recorders For Tomorrow Night, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           The time has finally arrived!!!!!!!!!  Tomorrow, PBS is going to broadcast the New York Philharmonic's recent rendering of Rodgers and Hammerstein's best musical, "Carousel," starring the likes of Kelli O'Hara,  Nathan Gunn, Stephanie Blythe, and, singing Carrie Pipperidge, the Wonderful Jessie Mueller!!!!!!!!.  I will not be able to watch tomorrow, due to a weekend commitment, but I can tell you, darlings, my recorder is already set, so, when I am good and ready, I can experience the magic of this presentation.

                                             Which you don't want to miss!!!!!!!!!!  For starters, it is "Carousel!!!!!!!!!" That alone should be enough.  But with this dream cast--and the Nation being given a chance to get a look at what I have been shouting about all these months, regarding the luminous Miss Mueller--ground will be broken, and scores of viewers will be won over to this burgeoning talent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 I cannot wait to hear her on "Mister Snow!"  And, oh my God, the end part of "When The Children Are Asleep!!!!!!!!!!."  I tremble, just thinking about it, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  From its ominous opening notes, to the most moving  of Agnes De Mille's show ballets, to the ensemble finale at the end, "Carousel" is a work of art that gets under the skin because it touches upon, in ways few works do, the darker aspects of human nature.  It will be an evening to remember, and, for those of us, like moi, who cannot get enough of Jessie Mueller, thanks to tape,  she can be heard whenever we so desire.

                                                   Which is a good time to re-introduce the idea of "She Loves Me!"  I just found out this morning that "Nice Work If You Can Get It" will close on June 15, so what will Jessie do next?????  Why, the vehicle that will make her the star she so obviously is, of course!!!!!!!!!!!!  There has been much talk of "Funny Girl," and I, for one, would love to see Jessie do it, but I think by easing into stardom with "She Loves Me!", Jessie could pave a wider path which would allow her to do "Funny Girl."  Not to mention that "She Loves Me" contains the best score Bock and Harnick ever wrote!  And don't come after me, you Theater Queens, yelling about "Fiorello!" and 'Fiddler'!  I wouldn't turn my back on either, but they can't hold a candle to the most romantic musical ever written, which is NOT "My Fair Lady," or "A Little Night Music," darlings, but "She Loves Me!"

                                                      Only time will tell, loves.  Right now, focus on "Carousel" and Jessie as Carrie.  You will thank me, and say I was right all along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         I mean, aren't I, always?????????????????????????????


Stick With "The Boys From Brazil," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          When I began Elizabeth Strout's "The Burgess Boys," my anticipation was high.  I had just finished reading her previous work, "Olive Kitteridge," which was stunning, despite it being a downer, (though that may have come more from where I was, emotionally, at the time) and I just loved her earlier "Amy And Isabelle."   The premise--two boys growing up in a Podunk town in Maine, escape to New York for career success, but come back home to defend their nephew of a hate crime--seemed to press a lot of my buttons.

                                             However, I was ultimately disappointed with the way Strout handled it all.  "The Burgess Boys" is all over the place, trying to be too many things at once--a social novel, a soap opera, an exploration of family dysfunction.   And the hate crime angle, when revealed, early on, is ridiculous!!!!.  But Strout strays from paths in her writing constantly, so the reader is never sure just where the novel is eventually going.  And when we get to the BIG revelation--darlings, I am telling you, it is like "Ho hum!"  I waded through 300 plus pages for THIS????????????

                                              Some of the characters in "Olive Kitteridge" were unlikable, but at least they were interesting.  Here, not one single character, save for a Somalian elder, is likable, and NONE--even said elder--are all that interesting.  I think this is a case of an author having a great idea, but losing her way as she developed it.

                                                 I had hopes "The Burgess Boys" would be the literary event of the Spring season!  As far as I am concerned, it is a major disappointment!!!!!!!!!!!!  If, like me, you keep up with the literary scene, you will read it, anyway. But for those who don't, I say save yourselves the trouble and the amount of time wasted in reading this book.  There is better stuff out there, including Strout's earlier work.  I can only hope what follows this makes up for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Send these boys to the paper shredder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Dylan Byers!!!!!!!!! Why Is Everyone Picking On Him?????????

                                     Actually, darlings, it is not everyone, but simply the female media pundits (and I would bet that that Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Weiner  are among them, out there spewing their hatred for Dylan somewhere!!!!!!) who have taken offense at comments directed at New York Times Executive Editor, Jill Abramson, in a recent article!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Now, Dylan may (or may not) be a sexist pig, in his ramblings.  And Jill may (or may not) be a flat out bitch.  But there is something the femme media pundits are missing, and which only a gay man, like yours truly, could have insight into, when it comes to this whole mess.

                                        I do not know Dylan or Jill from Adam, and I cannot say I care to.  But, if you read between the lines of Dylan's piece, what is picked up is that it is not so much that Jill Abramson is a bitch; she is an uninteresting one.

                                          Consider this town's FAVORITE bitch, Anna Wintour!!!!!!!!!   Everyone, even those who HATE her, LOOOOOOOOVE Anna!!!!!!!!!!!!  She may be disliked, but she IS respected.  And while staffers at VOGUE may go running to Mama Grace (Coddington) to soothe those ANNA-induced wounds, there probably is not one who would not say Anna knows damn well what she is doing.

                                             Contrast Jill with Anna.  ANNA is attractive, and knows how to dress.  Does Jill????????  Are you kidding, darlings?????????  First of all, for the Times to hire anyone with a tattoo speaks of them reaching far below the breeding pool!!!!!!!!!  Jill may not be Grace Kelly, but she could cut a more striking image, get rid of that tat, and learn to spout bon mots and one liners, rather than shriek like a banshee!!!!!!!!!  ANNA's bitchiness is endlessly interesting to everyone.  I found one commentator accuse Dylan of making Jill  "Miranda Priestley-ish."  Miss Priestley, of course, is the fictional version of ANNA in Lauren Weisberger's "The Devil Wears Prada," and, as portrayed both there and on film by Meryl Streep, she is as interesting as ANNA is, but Jill is NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              It is not poor Dylan's fault he is straight, and is thus unable to make such distinctions.  It is his detractors' fault that they cannot, claiming they have so much gender insight, when all they really want to do is get even by doing  a hatchet job on Dylan because they feel he did one on Jill!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               All Jill needs is a visit to Bergdorf's, or Elizabeth Arden, where Ariette and others can do something about that limp hair and pallid skin.  Once she becomes an interesting bitch, all this hoopla will stop!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Remember, Jill does not suffer for being a bitch!  It comes from being an uninteresting one!

                                                 You do have to wonder about The Times, though.  For a paper willing to hire gay drama critics, (Ben Brantley, even if he still has a toe or two in the closet, Frank Rich, for all he hid his alternative sexuality, or whatever you want to call it, behind the apron strings of Alex Wichel; all the way back to Alexander Woollcott!!!!!) it is surprising they hired a woman with a tattoo, which speaks of low breeding.  I bet you ANNA does not have one!  Or Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    So, give Dylan a break!  He can only be faulted for ignorance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     And have him spend some time with me, so he can learn, and see for himself, what being a true bitch entails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Cheers, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, I Am Telling You, This Was No Rehearsal For "Annie Get Your Gun!!!!!!!!"

                                  You remember the opening song of that show, where Annie sings "Doin' What Comes Nat'rally" with the children?  Maybe that was what Susan Becker, of East Northport, had in mind, though it is hard to fathom, from how she acted.

                                     Yes, darlings, it is Thursday--already????  can you believe it????--and that means Bitch Of The Week.  And Susan Becker is this week's hands down winner!

                                        What Susan did to earn this distinction was to pile her two teenage children, ages 13 and 15, plus another one of their friends, into the family car, provide them with loaded BB guns, and had the youngsters shooting at houses and cars in the neighborhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             I mean, after what happened in Boston last week????????  WTF is she thinking???????????

                                              I know there is not much to do on Long Island, but couldn't a better alternative been found?   Couldn't the kids have just hung out by themselves, and smoked some weed??????  Less damaging than what they did, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Susan may not be the Mother From Hell, but she is the Mother Who Most Deserves To Go To Bellevue!!!!!!!!!!  No apparent motive has been named for her getting the kids to shoot--and why they agreed to it!!!!!!!!--but I would bet it has to do with a history of grudges against particular neighbors in the suburb where they live.  You think things are so tough in the city, darlings???????  You haven't seen danger till you visit the 'burbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   If Susan was urban, she would just be another garden variety crazy.  In East Northport, her insanity stands out.  As does her candidacy for this week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Congratulations, Susan!  She has won for herself permanent target practice in the pen!!!!!!!!!!  Watch out, Susan, your inmates don't fire back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Bang! Bang! Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Now, HERE'S An Idea, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   You didn't think, for a minute, I was going to stop writing about Jessie Mueller now, did you?   Girls, I just found out Anne Hathaway may possibly return to Broadway--not as Eliza in "My Fair Lady," as was first proposed, but as Sally Bowles in "Cabaret," with--yes, darlings!!!!!--Alan Cumming again as the Emcee.  If Joel Grey did it at a 20 plus year interval, why can't Alan after only 15???????

                                      No reason he can't.  But that "Cabaret" ran for several years, (I saw it late in the run!!!!) so it seems not only like it was just on Broadway, but they keep recycling the same damn shows over and over, at the expense of those deserving of  more revivals than are usually given.

                                      Twenty years ago, the Roundabout mounted an absolutely charming production of that valentine of a musical, "She Loves Me!," with Judy Kuhn as Amalia.  I saw it twice, though by the time I got to it, Diane Fratantioni,  (whom I had seen do Diana Morales many times in "A Chorus Line" at the Shubert) was Amalia, and she was fabulous.  As was the entire show.

                                       To think that it turns 50 this year!  And what better way to mark that anniversary by a revival of this, starring none other than Jessie Mueller, who has a little history of her own with this show.
When she was the Toast Of Chicago Theater, she did Amalia, winning herself the Chicago version of the TONY for it.  If you go on YouTube, you can hear her on "I Don't Know His Name," and even a little bit of "Ice Cream."  Darlings, she is enchanting, and she has the voice!!!!!!!!  Heaven sent magic!!!!!!!!  So, before someone gets the so-called bright idea of casting Beyonce, or some such nonsense, sign Jessie, once she finishes 'Nice Work' for "She Loves Me!" and watch the show and she work its magic as few shows can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          How many times can we see "Gypsy" or "Cabaret?"  How about giving "She Loves Me a chance?   It would make  Jessie the star she should be!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Any show with lyrics like "and we get the tilt of our hat right...that's right (where do you see this kind of writing any more, darlings???????) can't be anything but brilliant!  Bock and Harnick at their best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                So, scrap "Cabaret," and sign Jessie for "She Loves Me!"

                                                 We will simply LOOOOOOOOOOVE it, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strapless Gowns At An Eighth Grade Dance???????? Not In MY Day, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Darlings, remember that moving moment, in "The Bells Of St. Mary's," when Joan Carroll,. as Patsy, turns in her eighth grade graduation to gown to Sister Benedict (Ingrid Bergman), because she has failed her final exams, when we, the audience know, she did it deliberately, because she wants to stay on at St. Mary's so much???????  If you do, you know that Joan/Patsy is found out, graduates and gets to wear the gown, which is pretty much what all the girls in her class are wearing--long, frilly, somewhat sophisticated, but with sleeves and puffs, so that they look like budding young ladies rather than Joan Rivers Tramps wannabes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Well, I guess the parents of Readington, New Jersey, want to raise their daughters to be tramps!!!!!!!!!  Because they are arguing for strapless gowns at an eighth grade dance, which, I am sorry, is just too young to be displaying all that flesh. And I am not so much worried about the eighth grade boys!  I am more worried about the covert, potentially abusive, male teacher chaperones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        First, this isn't "Carrie," darlings; those girls were high school seniors!!!!!!!  And, readers, I did not go strapless until I was well into my college years!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was a good girl, I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Why does everyone want to look like a slut today?  What is wrong with being fresh, and natural, and young?  Let me tell those girls--you only get one chance at it, and it goes faster than you think!  Don't be in such of a hurry to grow up. or you might find yourselves saddled with kids and in divorce court, by the time you are 30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              So much can be done with gowns that have straps, sleeves, or other accessories.  And it is high time young girls learned the fine art of accessorizing!!!!!!!!!  What better time teach them???????????????????

                                                Much against what I think, I am sure the strapless gowns will prevail.  In which case I have no choice but to say, to the parents,   "You asked for it!," and to wish those girls enter the dance hall, with Joan Rivers at the door, calling out--

                                                         "You miserable TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Divas....Divas Who Need Birthdays.........!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                           We are on a roll this week, darlings, because today happens to be the birthday of one of the biggest--in more ways than one!!!!!!!--icons!!!!!!!!!!!  None other than BARBRA!!!!!!!!!  Today, La Strident hits 71!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How I wish she still looked and sang as she did during her "Funny Girl" days!!!!!!!!!!!!  How, I imagine, BARBRA does too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              When one is BARBRA, one can do anything on her birthday, darlings!!!!!!!!  What I hear is that, on this day, she gets to eat pints of ice cream--I think coffee is her favorite--while being (ahem!!!!!) pleasured by James Brolin!!!!!!!!!!  This is the day he has to work overtime, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I understand it happens simultaneously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Now, either sounds good to me!!!!!!!!!  Though I prefer vanilla to coffee ice cream, and if James and I are to have a go, I want to concentrate exclusively on the experience. Not while eating and fielding phone calls for movie projects!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Seventy-one years of BARBRA!!!!!!!!!  How lucky can we get????????
How lucky for BARBRA!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        I am sure CD players in thousands of New York City apartments, inhabited by Theater Queens, are going to be cranking out BARBRA selections this evening.  Or how about watching "Funny Girl" on DVD?????????  Not a bad way to celebrate, darlings, but I have a better idea!!!!!!!!

                                                          For those of my girls who may still be single, get a pint of Hagen Dasz, and the hottest guy you can find!  Invite him over, then down that tub, while he goes down on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            Happy Birthday, BARBRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can You Believe It, Darlings????????? Two Icons In One Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  You know what they say about the moon being in the Seventh House, girls!  Well, what must have been in the constellations on April 23, when centuries apart, it produced two immortal icons of culture??????  I am talking about William Shakespeare and Shirley Temple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is right, girls, both were born centuries apart, on the same day--
April 23!!!!!!!!  Willy would have turned 490 years old, while Shirl, at a mere 85, is still a baby, after all!!!!!!!!!!!!

And how do you like that pose, darlings?  Today, if anyone posed a kid that way, they would be arrested!  Look at Jon Benet Ramsey!!!!!!!  And, girls, if I were to pose that way, today, well I would be busted for assault of the senses!!!!!!!  It would not have been as pretty as Shirley, I can tell you!!!!!!

Wonder what each would have made of the other???????  Had she been Elizabethan, would
Shirley have been cast in any of his plays?  Ariel the Sprite, in "The Tempest," perhaps, or one of the children baked into a pie in "Titus Andronicus?????   I just LOVE that one, darlings???????

The celestial stars must have been working overtime when it produced these two icons on the same day!  Too bad Hollywood did not bring them together in some way--Shirley never did Shakespeare, even after she matured, outgrowing her child parts.  Hollywood, and Shirley Temple, were never the same, the day after she brought her first brassiere!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was all finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I still have not bought mine yet, loves, which means I still have some time.  So, belated birthday wishes to Shakespeare and Shirley Temple!  Those two S's--stage and screen have never been quite the same, since!!!!!!!

And I STILL say that Fraulein Rottemier in "Heidi" was a REAL bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Generational Icon Passes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Arbor Day will now be always tinged with sadness, as it marked the passing of Woodstock opener and folk artist, Richie Havens, who died in his Jersey City home on April 22, at the age of 72.  Yet, somehow for him to pass on, on what has become Earth Day, a celebration of peace and the environment, says much about the timing of this artistic figure.  He knew when to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 When I heard he died,, girls, my thoughts went back to that day when, at 14, I dragged my Roman Catholic, WWII vet, right wing, Republican, father, into the RKO International 70 at the foot of Albany Street in New Brunswick, to see the movie documentary "Woodstock," because I was too young to get in!  I credit my father with doing this, though I think he slept through some of it, but not when Country Joe did the "Fish Cheer," (remember, darlings????????) which I am sure set his teeth on edge.

                                  But when Richie Havens came on to sing "Freedom," it was something I never forgot.  It is what I heard in my head, first reading about his death, and, thanks to the miracle of YouTube, I was able to relive that moment, tears trickling down my cheeks.

                                    I don't know if Havens is the first Woodstock performer to die, but I can tell you it is another nail in the coffin of the Baby Boomer Generation!!!!!!!!!!!  As these great talents go, so does craftsmanship and artistry, but who the hell follows them in their wake?  Nobody, I am telling you!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Get out your "Woodstock" CD, DVD, or You Tube excerpt, and  thank God the artistry has been captured for all time.  Havens and his like will live on here, and in our memories.  And perhaps future generations will come to appreciate the cultural richness of a generation that children of the Boomers, in true generational fashion, traditionally eschew!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       Freedom, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!   FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, April 22, 2013

"Should We Sing A Song About The Trees Of Arbor Day?"

                             Girls, let me tell you, I did not even know what Arbor Day was, until I saw the 1936 Little Rascals short, entitled such, while still a child.  They never tell you on what date it is--it is actually today, April 22--but you learn it has to do with the planting and caring of trees.  Now, 77 years later, it is called the more generic Earth Day!  I like the name Arbor Day, better!

                              The whole thing is framed around a school pageant for the holiday, complete with docile male teachers and spinsterly looking female ones.  The female one here looks to be the same actress who played the dance instructor in "Rushin' Ballet."

                             But the reason to celebrate Arbor Day, and watch this short, is to see George and Olive Brasno, a brother-sister midget vaudeville team--steal the show from everyone else, with their Arbor Day song, which turns into an advertisement for their circus, (from which they have escaped, and, after seeing the insanity of school and childhood depicted here, are almost glad to return to!!!!!!!!) and which is exactly the kind of number I might have performed as a child!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hell, I still would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             The Brasnos did a couple of Little Rascals shorts, where they impersonated children.  The other memorable one starred Spanky in an orphanage, presided over by  a mean headmaster named Mr. Crutch!!!!!!!!!    There is a magic lamp involved, and George and Olive play this couple, Dick and Mary, reduced to what they must have been as children.  I always loved the scene where Mary transforms back, and the authority figures get it!

                             As they do in "Arbor Day!"  For, after George and Olive have been exposed, and are carried back to the circus, the truant officer who found them is fired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Now, I understand it is Arbor Day, darlings, but not all of us have green thumbs!  My mother did, and she also had other things--like an aptitude for science--which I certainly did not inherit!!!!!!!!  So, if you haven't the skill to plant today, then I am telling you, in honor of Arbor Day, to shake and shimmy!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And just wait till you see MY side show, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Do You Know My Name? Uhm............Lindsay Lohan??????????????"

                              Girls, let me tell you, I am sure Miss Lohan must be breathing a sigh of relief  this morning, as someone else besides she is now at the mercy of media scrutiny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                On Atlanta's Peachtree Road--where Aunt Pittypatt once lived!!!!!!--Reese Witherspoon and her husband, Jim Toth, were arrested--he on a DUI, she for insubordination!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 "Do you know my name?  Well, you are about to find out who I am!!!!!!!!," she screamed at the arresting officer, who can only be accused of cultural stupidity!!!!!!!  One thing, for sure--the fact he did not know who she was tells me he was not gay!  A gay police officer (and, yes, there are such things in real life, darlings, not just movie porn fantasies--though I don't know how many in Atlanta, GA!!!!!!)  would have damned well known who she was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Maybe if she still sported the blonde mane she was always famous for, that officer might have realized her identity, not to mention she would have looked at least several years younger.  But with that obviously dyed dark hair, Reese is looking for all the world like a harried housewife!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Which she is probably being dragged down to!  Have you seen that thing she calls her husband, Jim Toth????????  Kind of pudgy, huh, dolls??????  Calls himself a Hollywood agent--wink! wink!--but is really masquerading as a stud server for Reese, while he lives off her, as a meal ticket!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Nothing wrong with that--I mean, look at BARBRA and James Brolin!!!!!!!!!!  But at least, in his 70's, he is still one good looking guy!!!!!!!!!  What's the matter, Reese???????  Are you suffering from low self-esteem??????  Because, honey, with your Oscar and a touch up job, you could do much better than Toth, who looks one step removed from the John Belushi or Chris Farley clans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Reese, honey, you are toast, and the Raving Queen has spoken!!!!!!!!  You of all folk should understand how Southerners carry a grudge, and they will not forget this lightly!!!!!!!!!!!  Your career hasn't been so hot of late--now it is going to TANK!!!!!!!!!!  You will be lucky, after all this, if you can act opposite Elisabeth Shue in 3-D piranha movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             After the horror of Boston last week, girls, this story is so much fun!!!!!!!!!
And it can only get better, so stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Because the Plat Du Jour, darlings, is going to be Southern Fried Reese!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, You Will Not Believe The Extraordinary Lengths To Which Pink Was Put To Use This Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 The whole weekend, darlings, was a nightmare--something out of Rod Serling, with a heaping overdose of Charles Busch.  What was truly scary, loves, was, once the fabrics and patterns were stripped away--some ,literally, thanks to a hot tub!!!!!!!!--the whole event was just plain BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But I am getting ahead of myself  Things started simply enough, with a visit to our friends in Morris Plains, Linda and Marilyn.  Who, incidentally, sometime later this year, will be moving to even more palatial digs than they are in now!  How exciting!  I can't wait!  And, darlings, you know I will be on hand to help decorate!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Our visit went as always, with a pleasant and luscious repast served up by Marilyn, and a restful visit.

                                    Then things began going South--in more ways than one!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     For starters, we ended up near my old homestead--Rutgers Village, just outside of North Brunswick, where I used to visit this couple, the Murrays, back in the late 70's!!!!!!!!!   We pulled  up at a house that, at first, might look designed for the owner's daughter's  (if he had one!!!!!!) birthday party--plenty of pink, and lots of "Hello, Kitty!"  In fact, there was a giant "Hello, Kitty!" riding a tricycle, alongside the front door of the house, near where we rang the bell!

                                      Then we entered, and I saw this was no ordinary dwelling. This was Sissy Steffie's School For Submissive Slaves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Remember the number "Think Pink!" in the movie "Funny Face!"  Not even close!!!!!!!!  This place would have given Diana Vreeland a headache!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        That is right--amidst this suburban enclave (pity the neighbors on either side!!! And what must the kids have seen already, staring into the basement ???) dwells a retired music teacher from Milburn, who is a child fetishist!!!!!!!!!  The fetish, which he and his cronies share, involve dressing up as little girls of a very distinct 30's period, looking like a cross between Divine as Shirley Temple, or Bette Davis as Baby Jane Hudson!!!!!!!!!  I am telling you, these costumes--the details, the fabrics, the colors, the plus large sizes!!!!!--must have cost a small fortune!!!!!!!!!!  I am talking at least four figure, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          To the left, as we entered, was a shrine, with pink tulle, macabre looking dolls, a child's lamp....the whole thing was creepy.  It got even creepier, when I discovered the walls (at least the ones uncovered) painted in the most garish pink, and each bedroom stocked with dress upon dress of these
outfits!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, don't they wear anything else?????????  And where is it kept?????????????????

                                           But the basement, oh, my God girls--SCREAM!!!!!!!!!  An S and M dungeon, complete with a sling!!!!!!!!!!  Nothing I haven't seen before, loves, EXCEPT--instead of scantily clad muscular men walking around, and their pictures on walls, there was all this memorabilia to infancy--a bassinet, a crib, with white tulle!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was not the S and M that creeped me out, girls, it was the adult forays into infancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              I ran outta there!!!!!!!!  But there was no place to run to.  And the living room---where staring right at you is an artist rendered portrait of Sissy in a pink ballet outfit, with a tutu--was  inescapable?????????  Why couldn't he have had Gene Tierney as Laura???????????????

                                               But that would have constituted taste, darlings, and while this party was high on style, it was short on wit!  For, once I began to glance beneath the outfits, at who these denizens   truly were, I saw they were (allegedly; I am still out on this one, girls!!!) straight men--some with wives, who ALLOW this--with nothing more interesting to discuss than home repairs, electrical generators, or what they did in the army!!!!!!!!!  Ho hum!!!!!!!!!!  I might as well have been at a VA convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  And the food was like what you would get at one--the heaviest stuff imaginable!!!!!!!!  Lasagna, stuffed cabbage, sausages.......honey, if any of these gals had flatulence problems, there was going to be an explosion to rival the one last week in Texas!!!!!!!  With the limited space we had, the lack of air, and the uncleanliness of the place, I feared for my safety!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               This was the killing factor!  If they had taste and campiness to match, the party could have been a  blast!!!!!!!!!  But, once reduced to the ordinary and banal, the party became such, till I could not wait to get out of there!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  And you should have seen the naked bodies popping in and out of
the hot tub outside.  It was NOT a pretty sight, darlings!!!!!!!!  None of these figures are going to become future Titan Media stars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   The only one who had potential was Sissy Steffie, the host!!!!!  Who, understandably, was too busy exercising his duties as hostess to socialize!!!!!!!  I could tell, from the sheet music on his piano, that if I said "Donna McKechnie" to him, he would know whom I was talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But those others??????????  Forget it???????????????????

                                                       I could not wait until we crawled out of there, and made it back to the safety of Linda and Marilyn's, where, in spite of what went before, we spent a restful night, in a setting recalling to me the opening scene of "The Song Of Bernadette!"  You better believe I was Jennifer Jones, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        As I write this now, it is like a memorable bad dream!  But it happened, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Where were the Maysles Brothers????????  What a documentary they could have made out of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        And remember, only at the Raving Queen, do you get such musings!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         Ta ta, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Must All Award Winners Be Downbeat??????????????

                                            Girls, I am telling you, that is the first thing I wondered about, while reading Elizabeth Strout's otherwise wonderfully written novel.  It may be  that some sad events of people I know around me which have taken place may have colored my experience of this book, whose final sentence, after all is said and done, leaves one an affirmative note.  It also made me realize how much domestic fiction--be it print, stage or screen--boils down to essentially a reworking or Tolstoy's classic opening sentence about families in "Anna Karenina."

                                               "Olive Kitteridge" uses a format I don't like--the novel as short story; that is, a series of short stories about the characters of Crosby, Maine, being connected by the presence of Olive in them.  It is more highbrow than, say, Grace Metalious, but it touches upon feelings common to many--the idea that one's neighbors, whose going on we really don't know, may seem, up front, to have it all, but, when it comes right down to it, they are as struggling as much as you or I.

                                                    A simple idea, but one Strout takes and works with well.  Olive Kitteridge is a prickly sort of character; were she still alive, I kept picturing the great Maureen Stapleton portraying her.  This prickliness may not endear Olive to readers, may keep others, like me, at a distance, before getting deeper into the book, when you discover that, for all her annoying qualities, Olive is a caring person, with very fine toned feelings.

                                                      My favorite character, outside of Olive, was town bar pianist, Angie O'Meara, whose mixture of sass and sadness, and tragedy she masks, had me wishing there had been more of  her, or what someone, like, say, Tennessee Williams, would have done with such a woman.

                                                        But, if she had been dealt with by Williams, she would not have had Strout's style. Along with tying in domestic themes, Strout manages, through character and situation, to touch upon all stages of Life--from birth, to death.

                                                          "Olive Kitteridge" is truly a novel about the present day human condition in American, and for those of you dealing with aspects of it yourselves, it can be a sobering reading experience. But, like I said, it ends on an affirming note, which has me believing Elizabeth Strout's intention, rather than depress the reader, was to champion the human spirit, and the individual's capacity for strength. On that, she succeeds very well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Very Special Bitch Of The Week Column This Week, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     I know, I know, I feel I am expected to say something about the Boston bomber(s) here, but, frankly I want to wait until said culprits are identified.  Whomever they turn out to be, they are looking good already for this column, but I want to be able to match faces and names.

                                                       Which is ironic, almost hypocritical, in light of this week's winner, who is not identified, but whose moniker is pictured above.

                                                          The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is Someone Whose Screen Name Is "Golden Boy" On Broadway World. Com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                           "What?" I can hear all you girls asking.  Well, just listen because what  caused this creature to be so designated this week will ring like an explosion among the most explosive and vituperative personalities this town has to offer--New York Theater Queens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              This chit had the temerity--the TEMERITY, darlings!!!!!!!!--to deride the Toast Of Broadway!  I am talking about she whom is beloved to all us Theater Queens--Miss Jessie Mueller!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                He (I know it is some disgruntled Theater Queen!!!!!!!) has the audacity to say Miss Mueller is overrated, and is only getting work because she has a good agent. Said she sang out of the side of her mouth in 'On A Clear Day', and cannot understand why people are falling all over her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                                                  I will give you that Jessie has an excellent agent.  If I had one, I would have been seen for sociopathic Henry on 'SVU,' or at least Fantine in "Les Miserables!!!!!!!"  What Golden Boy does not realize is--Jessie may have a wonderful agent, but she could not be getting the work she is if she did not have the talent to back it up!!!!!!!!!  Let's see your talent, Golden Boy!!!!!!  Wonder what it is?????????  Doing Streisand riffs to the cast album of "Funny Girl," while posing in the mirror, like Fanny Brice, as Baby Snooks, in your underwear????????  Oh, yeah, I can see you getting plenty of work, hon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                    You wanna take me on, Golden Boy???????  You get right on here, and say so!!!!!!!!!  A talent like Miss Mueller's is rare and wonderful, and if you cannot respond to the extraordinary quality of her voice, you have a tin ear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                      One thing for sure--you lack taste, which calls your being a Theater Queen into question.  Or maybe you are one of those unfortunates who think the world did not exist before 1985, and are bowled over by the likes of crap, like "Spring Awakening!"  I will bet that is it!!!!!!!!!!
You have no context for taste, dear, so when a talent like Miss Mueller comes along, your brain cannot process it, and recognize it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                      Well, this week, in defense of Jessie, I am recognizing Golden Boy as a full fledged bitch!!!!!!!!!!!  Get waxed, you queen!!!!!!!!!  A Brazilian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                          Or else get all the ear wax outta your head, which is clogging your brain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                             Takes a bitch to bitch a bitch, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Much Talked About Episode Is One Ballyhooed Fizzle, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Since it has been aired, so much has been written about, and debated on, the "Law And Order SVU" episode" called "Born Psychopath," you would think it was the greatest thing going.  It should have been, but it wasn't. It was highly overrated.

                                      What a shame, because the Law And Order franchise has led the field in its dramatic depictions of juvenile sociopathy.  Outstanding examples include "Uncivilized" in the first season of the original  "Law And Order," its reduux of two years ago, on 'SVU,' entitled "Lost Traveler," "Mean" on "SVU' back in 2004, "Killerz," with Hallee Hirsh as Jenny Brandt on the original "Law And Order," and, lastly, "Conscience," on 'SVU', featuring Kyle MacLachlan , and a chilling performance by Jordan Garrett as young sociopath Jake 0'Hara.

                                          So, when I heard they were going down this path again, and that Hope Davis would be featured as the mother, I thought this should be really good.  It was flat, contrived, and badly done.

                                           The story centered on a pair of self serving, parents, the Mesners, who are still trying to keep their place in the Yuppie race. Hope Davis did a brilliant job as Mrs. Mesner, but her character was so annoying you just wanted to shake her!  Especially after Henry (Ethan Cutosky, from "Shameless" in a performance so embarrassing he should not have been cast!!!!!!!) goes after her, and cuts, with a knife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Henry Mesner was a carbon copy of all having gone before--Macaulay Culkin in "The Good Son" comes first to mind--and Cutosky had no subtlety or understatement necessary to be chilling in the role.  He also was not innocent looking enough to fool me, darlings, and that last shot of him in his father's arms, staring evilly into the camera, goes back to the days of Patty McCormack and "The Bad Seed."

                                               Remember the shocking climax of "The Good Son?"  Even though I felt everyone should have gone over that cliff, at least it was something.  There is no such suspense here, although I think the entire family, save for youngest daughter, Ruby, who is, clearly, the only sane one present in this family, should all be locked up for life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 I mean, where is my damned agent? I should have been seen for Henry!
You want an evil kid?????  You want a chilling performance?  Call me, darlings!!!!!!!!!!  I could have out acted this Ethan Cutosky before he even realized anyone else was in the scene with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  What should have been a high point for this series turns out to be one of its lowest!!!!!!!!!!!  I see scarier kids at my subway stop each morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      That so many people have been blown away by this episode demonstrates that either they have not seen any of the better episodes I mentioned earlier, or they are as clueless as Hope Davis' character about sociopathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Burn the negatives of this one fast! An embarrassment to all!!!!!!!

                                                         I will even help light that fire, darlings!!!!!!!!!!  Heh! Heh! Heh!!!!!!!!!!

Let Me Tell You, Girls, Generations From Now, No One Will Be Reading Justin Bieber's Diary!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Poor Anne Frank!  She simply cannot get a break!  Elevated by tragic circumstance through no fault of her own, to Poster Child For The Holocaust, dramatized on both stage and screen, written about incessantly, like Marilyn Monroe and others, no one will let the poor thing rest in peace!!!!!!!!!

                                      And now along comes Justin Bieber!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       It seems Justin was in Amsterdam recently--whooping it up in its famed red light
district, no doubt, trying to figure out his sexual orientation-- when he took a detour and paid a visit to the Anne Frank Home and Museum.  Nothing wrong with that.

                                         Instead of coming out of the experience, as I am sure many are--and I know I would be, darlings!!!!!!!!!--profoundly moved, he salutes Anne by saying that, were she alive, she would have been a fan of his!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            There is so much wrong with that statement. First, if Anne were still here, she would be close to 94!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't think she would have had much time for television!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               But, more important, I would credit Anne with having more sophisticated taste, which would automatically eliminate Justin Bieber.  Too bad Meep is not still around, because I would personally love to see her bitch slap Justin, but good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Hey,  Justin, I got news--not everyone out there is a fan of yours. Me, darlings, I could care less.  It's not all about you, Justin, and when your reign as Flavor Of The Month ends,
you will discover how many fans you actually have, and how fleeting FAME is.

                                                     Just ask Lea Michele!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!