Tuesday, June 30, 2015

June Has Busted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          At least, the first half of it, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         I cannot believe we have reached the halfway point of the year, already. With so much drama, partying, and conflict in the first six months, it is a wonder we have arrived at this point so soon.  Seems like June was bustin' out all over, like the song says, now it will soon be gone.

                          Before we know it, winter winds will be wending their way--seems the older I get, the more time is spent is that season.  Pretty soon I will be walking home against icy winds, and Gojira will have to cuddle me, just to keep me warm!

                             But June was not without interest.  My father at Villa St. Martha! The Supreme Court decision on Gay Marriage.  Seeing "It Shoulda Been You!" on Gay Pride!!!!!!!!!  Just spending time with my beloved, which is the best time there is!

                               So, here we are at the halfway mark, girls!  Now, blast off for the second half!!!!!!!

A Cast Album Every Theater Queen Must Own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And a show that is just starving to be revived!  Why can't ENCORES do it?

                                         "Coco" made history in several ways.  It was Katherine Hepburn's Broadway musical debut, and her croaking elevated Musical Theater Incompetency to an art form!  Since some of us were fifteen or sixteen years old, this first opened, we have doing doing squawking impersonations of Hepburn going "Coco! CoCO!!!!!!!!!  COCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  I mean, you should hear me!

                                            It was also the last show Cecil Beaton costume, and the one that gave audiences a chance to see the work Michael Bennett  would go on to develop in shows like "Follies" and "A Chorus Line."  What a fashion fest to see on Broadway again!  I bet ANNA would love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            That anyone could be gay, and not own this is inexcusable!

                                             That this show has yet to be revived is a crime!

                            I mean, just look at THIS costume parade, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What gay person would not want to see THAT????????????????

                             And wait till you hear Hepburn!  Her big "COCO" finish is like a Nursing Home
version of "Rose's Turn" from "Gypsy."

                             The show demands to be re seen, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"(Silly Girl!) Shame On You, Your Mama Said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                               This is the post where I address all naysayers, like Andrew Sullivan, about the Marriage Equality thing leading to the erosion of gay culture,  First, Mr. Andrew is a British Roman Catholic; what the hell is that?  Second, he is uncut, which makes his marketability limited.  I mean--GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!   It is no wonder he is so tight assed, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Let's start with a singular question. What is gay culture?  Now, culture is for everyone; we can agree on that, but "gay culture" is when something of a cultural nature, whether high or low brow, is appropriated specifically by the gay community, because it connects with them directly.  Let's face it, what straight man is going to watch "She Demons," or go to the MET and see "Norma????????"  For the latter, they will send their wives.  Back in 1970, even Sondheim touched upon this in his opening lyrics to "Company," when the men all sing, "Listen, pal, I have to work late on Thursday./Bobby boy, you know how I hate the opera!"

                                Now gay culture may not be the same now, as it was then.  When I was growing up, it was Judy and BARBRA!  Bette Midler is still at it, and so is Madonna.  LIZA--ah, LIZA--thank God for Christine Pedi!!!!!!!!!!  And, of course now, there is "Lady Gaga."  As for Musical Theater, "A Chorus Line" turned my life around;  for some it was "RENT," or God forbid, "Spring Awakening."

                                Now how, Mr. Sullivan, of the uncut penis, is this indoctrinating gays into the mainstream?  Are you telling me that because, just like heterosexuals, I get out of bed in the morning to go to work, and pour coffee, that I am now part of the mainstream???????????  Fuck you, asshole!!!!!!  Have you seen the decor of our apartment?  Do you know who inspired me to pour coffee the way I do?  Dorothy McGuire in "Gentleman's Agreement!!!!!!!" How mainstream a statement is that??????????

                                 Mr. Sullivan and his ilk are self-hating homosexuals, hiding behind their complacency, afraid it will rob them of their status and livelihood!  Keep your sanctity to yourselves, dolls, it will work no hardship on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But with the passing of the Supreme Court decision, Gays Rule!  So get used to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Like Grace Slick said, at Woodstock, "It's a new dawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This Could Be The Camp Theater Sensation Of The Summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            But you will have to see it, before the Fourth Of July, darlings!

                            This show has been playing, since June 11, at the Brooklyn Fireproof, at 119 Ingraham Street, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.  It has been operating on a  Thursday, Friday and Saturday night evening schedule, with shows at 7:30, and one extra on Saturday at 10PM.

                               Hopefully, some smart, campy theater entrepreneur, will move this show across the river, to Manhattan, for an open ended run, where we can all partake in the merriment.  The show is both a spoof of the 1958 film "Wild Women Of Wongo," and the 50's classic, "Cat Women Of The Moon."  With music, yet!

                               I have been so on the go, lately, girls, I have no idea if I can get out to Bushwick in time.  But for those who can, do.  Meanwhile, I will try to include a sample to heighten your appetite, and maybe launch a move to Manhattan!

                                 All aboard for Wongo, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 29, 2015

With A Mother Like This, It Is No Surprise How David Sweat Turned Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Well, David Sweat, the cuter of the two prison escapees, has been caught, and is hospitalized in critical condition!  When they interviewed his mother--oh, my God!!!!!!!!  Not only White Trash to the core, she tough talked about knocking him around, glad that he did not come to her!  I am telling you, not since Shelley Winters as ma Barker in "Bloody Mama!" have I seen such maternal toughness!
She's give Shelley a run for her money!

                               Now, I don't wish death on David, or anybody, but, David, take a good look!  You may be cute, now, but, honey, that ain't gonna last!  Not with a mother with a mug like this!  I am telling you, if Anne Ramsey were alive today, she would play Sweat's mother, in the movie!

                                Maybe they could get Mama June from "Honey Boo Boo!  If she can act!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darlings, This Was The "Lace" Of Its Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             "Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?"
                                                 --Phoebe Cates, as Lili in "Lace" (1984)
                              That phrase was a hoot in both the 1982 novel, and 1984 TV miniseries.  Of course, the story did not fool me one bit, since I saw how it was cast.  In "Lace," four girls, at an exclusive boarding school, have
licentious affairs with men.  One of them gets pregnant, and bears a child, who is given up for adoption, and they all vow to keep the secret of who is her mother.  The doctor who treats her delivers a clue, when he says that, of all the girls, she was the one he least expected!  So, when the movie version of "Lace" was shown on TV, I knew, from the cast list, who the mother was, right from the start--Bess Armstrong as Judy Hale!

                                Bess, and her goody-good image, never fooled me, and made her ideal for playing bitches, because you always knew there was mendacity behind her smile.  Sh e was like the prime time Diane Dykeman!!!!!!!!!  Look at the TV show, "On Our Own," where she got her start.  Now, Lynnie Greene, her costar, was supposed to be the star of the show, because she walked off with it.  But something must have been going on behind the scenes, because, when the show was cancelled, Lynnie was gone, and Bess, with her very limited talent, was all over the place!  What a bitch!  So, no, I was not surprised when she turned out to be Lili's mother!  In fact, I expected it!

                                "Lace," with that line, and its secrecies and quest for revenge, was supposed to be so shocking for its time!  Shirley Conran ALMOST became the new Jacqueline Susann, but then "Lace" did not have the campy verisimilitude of "Valley Of The Dolls!"

                                  But who knew that, fifty years before, such stories were being written???? I had no idea,
either, until I was led to "Thirteen Women," which became a Myrna Loy movie in 1932, produced by--get this!!!!!!!!--David O. Selznick!

                                    Even trash was high class, back then!  And this was made during Myrna's bitch period--when she was playing things like the daughter in "The Mask Of Fu Manchu!!!!!!!!!"   You know, when I think about it, Myrna was the Gwyneth Paltrow of her time; she would have been more interesting with a career as bitches, than she was in her "perfect wife" mold, though she had more acting chops than Gwynnie to score success at that!  But "Thirteen Women" is a hoot!

                                      Myrna plays a Eurasian woman, who was socially excluded by white girls at her private school!  (Now, why they didn't cast Merle Oberon, whose life this practically was, is a mystery to me!!!!!!!!!  But Michael Korda got even with her, when he wrote "Queenie!!!!!!!!!!")  In adulthood she--do you believe this???--joins forces with a swami, to have the girls killed, or kill themselves!  No one knows who is doing this, though when it comes down to killing Laura's (Irene Dunne) young son, Bobby, Myrna is tracked down, and does an Anna Karenina in front of a subway train!

                                        If this isn't "Lace," circa 1932, I don't know what is, darlings!!!!!!!!!  I cannot wait to see this piece  of trash, with Myrna as a magnificent bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!  To think, it predates Morgan Fairchild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Everyone thinks the "good old days" were so virtuous!  Here is proof they were not!

                                          Rock on, Myrna!  You magnificent bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What A Charming Confection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I walked into this show, expecting like the Faith Prince musical, "A Catered Affair," awhile back.  It turned out to be be better than that.  The production had the sparkle of a Vincente Minnelli production, the costumes William Ivey Long designed were sumptuous; even Tyne Daly looked good!!!!!!!!!!!   The musical numbers were serviceable, and the cast had beautiful singing voices.

                              So what if it isn't a classic?  With so many numbers to zip through, a plot reminiscent of a sketch on "Love, American Style," David Hyde Pierce has the deft touch of a young Minnelli!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               He has put togeteher a great cast!  Tyne Daly and Harriet Harris both playing--guess what????--overbearing mothers!  And Chip Zien as a beleaguered husband!!!!!!! Of course, they are perfect!  Lisa Howard is touching as Jenny Steinberg, full figured and always in the shadow of her svelte sister, Rebecca, whose wedding the audience is supposed to be attending...or is it???????????

                                I really cannot tell you more, darlings, to ruin the array of surprises--including Aunt Sheila!!!!!!!--of this marital comedy of errors!!!!!!! Along the way, there is a dollop of substance and humanity that was surprisingly unexpected, amid all the frivolity, and when Lisa Howard does her solo number, "Jenny's Blues," you get to witness the meaning of the phrase "stopping the show."

                                All of this in just 100 minutes.  It moves so fast the audience almost hasn't get time to catch it's breath.  Like the ad says, "You'll be home by ten."

                                 But catch this delightful confection.  It may not be a classic, but it is a diamond in the rough!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Lily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Today is the birthday of the lovely Lily Rabe.  Lily turns 33 today, and not since MERYL and BLYTHE were that age has that number looked so good!

                                 Plus, Lily is coming to town soon, where is she is going to be doing "Cymbeline," at the Delacorte!  You better believe I plan to be there, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  So, Happy Birthday, Lily!  Have a Bellini, over whatever you wish!  You look fabulous...just like all my girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Was Your Gay Pride, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Ours was just fabulous!  Despite the weather, we made it into the city, where we greeted HRA Rainbow, my beloved's group, then had a luscious brunch at The Glass Tavern, which was right next door to the Brooks Atkinson Theatre, where "It Shoulda Been You" was playing.  Our friend, Judy joined us at the restaurant, and then we saw the show, a delightful confection, which I will have more to say about, later!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  But how I wanted to see, live and in person, Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi!  Especially Derek!  Isn't he cute?  And aren't they just the cutest, together??????? Kissing cousins!!!!!!!!!!

                                   It was a memorable Pride, aided and abetted by the Supreme Court!  Lots of us will be walking down that aisle, in the coming year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    I'll let you know, as soon as I have my fitting!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Happy Gay Pride Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Can you believe we have made it to another Gay Pride?  That the year is nearly halfway done?

                            Today, gays have much to be proud about, what with the Supreme Court decision.  And forget that Andrew Sullivan, and all those nay sayers, who maintain this will detract from gay culture.  Are you kidding?  What, for example, do they think this blog represents?  I will deal with all that in another post, you damn well better believe it!

                               Do whatever makes you happiest today!  We are going to the theater, and then, who knows?

                                 Whether your Gay Pride is quiet or wild, have a great one, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Where In The World Is "Big Boy????????????????"

                               Those of you who have been on here awhile know about "Big Boy."  He is our mullet wearing upstairs neighbor, with a body, trim and athletic, but more from booze and cigs than actual workouts.  He is the one I periodically quote Philip Roth's famous line from "Portnoy's Complaint--"Oh do it to me, big boy!  Oh, shove it in me, big boy!  Big Boy!  BIG Boy!  BIG BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!"--from the bottom of the stairs, beckoning up to his apartment, which I picture as the opium den frequented by Anne Baxter in her Oscar winning performance as Sophie MacDonald in the 1946 film version of "The Razor's Edge."

                               The place must smell of booze and cigarettes.  There is no furniture, no curtains or decorations, just a stained mattress in the room used as sleeping quarters.  He does have an air conditioner, which we hear from time to time, as well as some clumping around, before he collapses and passes out.

                                But for weeks, we have heard nothing, or, at least, not very much.  There has been no sightings of him by us in weeks, so we wonder what has happened. Have I truly succeeded in "Gaslighting" him???????????????????

                                 I will give it till the end of Summer, before calling the boys in white coats!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 26, 2015

Here Come The Gay Brides!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Heaven help me--it did!!!--it has happened in my lifetime!  And during Pride Week!  The Supreme Court has just declared gay Marriage to be constitutional, which means I have to call Vera Wang right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           Could this be the dawning of the Age of Aquarius?????????  It will sure bring new meaning to the phrase "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers!!!!!!!!!"  How about a musical remake, with Jake Gyllenhaal in the Howard Keel role, singing "Bless Your Beautiful Hide???????????"  Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Oh, my God, what I have ahead of me--fashions, fittings, the cover of "Modern Bride," maybe even "Vogue!!!!!!!!!!"   You just know ANNA is going to want the first gay male bride on her cover!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              It is a bit, like the Age of Aquarius!  So, here are Ronny Dyson and the Original Company doing both the opening and "Let The Sunshine In!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Now, Francie Swift Is Not A Piece Of Work! But, As An Actress, She Sure Can Play Them!

                               With her blonde hair, vulnerable look, and doe-like eyes, Francie Swift looks as if her stock in trade might be Laura Wingfield, in "The Glass Menagerie!  And she has uses that to very good effect, in her two signature "Law And Order" appearances, the episodes "Switch," from 1995, and "Merger," four years later, in 1999.

                                 In "Switch," Francie plays a woman with multiple personality disorder.  Their names were Megan Nelson (her birth identity), Bobby Walker, and Nancy.  The psychiatrist she was seeing is found murdered, because she was getting to the truth that Megan witnessed her father murdering her mother.  I was sure Daddy did it.  But Megan, the most vulnerable of them all, had the personalities to protect her.  It turns out that Nancy, a real sophisticated bitch, did it, to protect Megan, though you can bet Daddy was happy.  Megan still has mental troubles, and Francie was great at conveying them.  Especially when she transitioned into Bobby Walker.  But she wasn't nearly as good as Cynthia Nixon as Janis Donovan in "Alternate."  However, don't be fooled by Megan's buttery act.  She'd stab you in the back.

                                So would Mercedes Garrison, the character Francie played, in the 1999 episode "Merger."  The title is a clever tip-off to what the whole story is about.  Mercedes' younger sister, Christine, is murdered, and everyone seems to want to pin the murder on Mercedes, who is just a basket case.  It turns out that Megan is the daughter of a wealthy family, who is supposed to marry the son of another, so the families' two businesses can....merge!!!!!!!!!  But Mercedes has a secret; when she was fourteen, on a trip to the islands, she got involved with some boy, and got pregnant.  The baby was gotten rid of (adoption, I think!!!!!!!!) and the whole thing was hushed up, because, to the son, Megan, if the secret were known, would be damaged goods, and the merger marriage would not take place.

                                Christine knew the secret, and wanted to tell.  Maybe she resented Mercedes.  The poor basket case.  Yeah, right!  Because, it turns out, to protect the family money, Christine was not murdered by her sister, Mercedes; she was killed by her won mother, Pepper, played by that evil Ann Twomey.  Remember how skilled she was as the pedophile pimp, Sarah, in the 1991 TV movie, "Bump In The Night?"  She should have been killed, too.  Christopher Reeve commits suicide; there should have been a scene showing Ann's character, being burnt at the stake.

                                Same thing with "Merger."  She should have been roasted for killing her own daughter.
Even the father, played by Walter Bobbie, is horrified!  But, you know what?  The wedding does take place.  So, the family gets their merger, using the vulnerable daughter as a  sacrificial lamb, to be nothing more than pussy for the son to produce children!  The whole thing disgusts me!

                                  However, if I were Mercedes' husband, I would be very careful. She has her  mother's icy blood in her veins, and, sooner or later, that doe-eyed act is going to be dropped, and her true diabolical nature will come out!

                                    Wish there had been a followup episode, showing that!

                                      Just love Francie's approach to the diabolical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Linda Cooney Is One Sick Loony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         But the saddest thing about Linda, darlings, is that she isn't any fun!  She is just plain ordinary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           I mean, compare her to Sante Kimes, and her son, Kenny!  Now, Sante was loads of fun!  She knew what she was, and she made no bones about it!  She just made bones out of Irene Zimmerman.  And, of course, she and Kenny had a relationship that bordered on Norman Bated and his mother, only here Mom is still alive!

                            Mary Tyler Moore was a camp hoot as Sante, and Patti Lu Pone would be perfection in a musical incarnation on Broadway!!!!!!!!!!!!!    But Linda???????????  Plain, unadulterated trash!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Let's face it, she wasn't much better than Miriam Deering, from "Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte.  Linda was one of these backwoods, backwater bitches, who used sex and high heels to crawl to the top of Palm Beach society, becoming a Florida socialite.  The fact that she succeeded says as much about Palm Beach society, as it does about Linda!  What a bunch of fools!  Hell, if I went down there, I could rule!!!!!!!!!!!   But, why would I want to live in Palm Beach??????????????

                              But things caught up with Linda fast!  She turned out to be your garden variety Black Widow!  On February 7, 1992, in the midst of a divorce from husband, James, with things not going in her favor, Linda just took out her reliable .357 Magnum, and shot James to death, stating he was attacking her.  Would you believe, at the time, son Kevin, stuck by her?   Even more, that she was acquitted?????????

                              Well, Palm Beach society does not forgive scandal, so Linda had to fight, like a cat with claws, to even maintain a foothold in that society.  Then, on June 28, 2011, Linda blew her social position entirely by shooting--with the same
  weapon, which she was so dumb not to get rid of--her son, Kevin, only she did not kill him.  She paralyzed him for life!  Nice, huh?  A mother's love!  Oh, yeah, and once more, the sick thing claims it was defense, when Kevin came at her with a knife, while they were arguing over his choice of girl friend.  Apparently, Mom did not approve.  Maybe she wanted Kevin all to herself, like Sante wanted Kenny.

                              It was the same excuse she used when hubby James went down--he attacked her!  This time, she said Kevin came at her with a knife!  The jury did not buy it this time, and so this sick thing was sentenced to prison for 41 years.  Meaning, at age 66, she will end her days in there!

                               But, wait!  The story is not yet over, because Kevin does have a bit of Kenny Kimes in him!  Both times--even after she shot and paralyzed him!!!!--he supported his mother, and continues to. which shows he has some Mommy issues of his own!

                                It is amazing how this ordinary thing from the scrap heap got this far!  She was no better than a junkyard dog, and she is going to find that out in prison.  She is also going to find out, there, that sex and high heels no longer matter!

                                  Only booze and cigs, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2015

This Is Destined To Be The Mantra, For Summer 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             In 2003, it was "The Devil Wears Prada."  Twelve years later, it is, "The Devil has eaten your soul!"

                              Now, I could care less about "Marriage Boot Camp," or whatever this crap is, but when Kendra Wilkinson (absolutely no relation to the brilliant Colm Wilkinson, who will always own the role of Jean Valjean in the musical, "Les Miserables!!!!!!!!!") says this, it is a sight to behold!  She is like some bull dyke drill sergeant, and makes this the most entertaining phrase I have heard on television in months.  It would even intimidate Satan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

                                 Don't bother watching the show, dolls!  Just watch Kendra saying this phrase!

                                  It's the new in-phrase of the Summer, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Misery" On Broadway Could Be Miserable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               It was first done in London, years back, with British actors.  It never made its way over here.  Then, recently, it was tried at the Bucks County Playhouse in PA.  I have no idea who was in it, and why there is anybody's guess.

                                Now, this October, around the 22nd, I believe, "Misery," a stage adaptation by the screen adapter, William Goldman, is set to make its Broadway debut.  Normally, I would be SO excited, even though I am not playing Annie Wilkes, the role I was meant for, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Anyone stepping into this iconic role occupied by Kathy Bates, who won as Oscar for playing it, is going to have a tough time. When I heard that Elizabeth Marvel was originally cast, I cheered!  Now, SHE could do it!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Alas, something happened, and Elizabeth Marvel had to drop out. Scheduling conflicts with her appearing on "House Of Cards" was given as the reason, but I wonder if that is for real.  Hmmmmmmmmmm.  Because, now they are going to replace her with Laurie Metcalf!!!!!!!!!

                                    Laurie Metcalf????????????  The sister from "Rosanne????????"  Does she have it for this part?  She could surprise us, but I don't think so.  Someone stronger and tougher is required. Where is Jennifer Jason Leigh, when you need her????????????

                                      Some people, like Demi Moore, will see this, just to watch Bruce Willis get his!!!!!!!!  But can Bruce play the victim?  James Caan was surprisingly good in the role, but there was strong direction from Rob Reiner.  Will Frears is set to direct; what can he do?????????

                                         This could be the surprise, or flop of the Fall Season.  It should be the fun entertainment everyone runs to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            The way I see it now, it will be what everyone runs FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Week. A Truly New York Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Nothing in Frederick Young's 43 year background should have brought him more notoriety than a police interrogation lineup.  But now, Mr. Young finds himself in the enviable position of being the winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award.

                                     Just what he did he do.  Well, in Bryant Park, this past Tuesday, around 11;30 AM, this sicko approaches a woman, 31, who was just finishing up an outdoor yoga class.  He carried in his hand, a machete, and he just walked up to the woman, and began swinging it at her.

                                      Fortunately, the woman, with only a gash on her right arm, was taken to Bellevue Hospital, where she was listed in stable condition. It looks like she will recover.

                                       But, I have several questions about Mr. Young, and his deed.

                                        Don't people take in their surroundings?????? I mean, how did Young transport a machete from his home, or wherever, to Bryant Park?????? And if he was walking around with such a thing plainly in sight--yes, I said IF, but let us assume he was--then why in hell doesn't somebody say something????????????????

                                          If I were riding on the subway, and saw such a thing, the first thing I would do is get off at the next stop, and call 911 or the police.  And if I had been in Bryant Park, and seen this, I would have done the same thing, on my cell phone.

                                           There is no question that Mr. Young is guilty, deserving of all charges, including distinction as Bitch Of The Week.  But those who neglected to notice him I consider just as

                                              As for outdoor yoga, do what I do, girls, and be safe. Stay in your apartment, with the air conditioner up to cool, and park your mat by the nearest plant.  Who needs the outdoors, and you will be much safer than Young's victim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Good Grief, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!! Has The Neighborhood Creature Known As "Frankenstein's Daughter" (Or "Granddaughter?????") Moved To Our Neighborhood? Has She Become Today's Equivalent Of "The Bloofer Lady" In "Dracula??????????"

                                   For those who know, "Dracula," darlings--at least, the Bram Stoker novel, "bloofer" was how the children pronounced "beautiful."  When Lucy Westenra was being converted to vampirism by Dracula, she became "the Bloofer Lady," the beautiful lady who would appear to them in the evening, inviting them to go for a walk with her, after which they could remember no more. That is because blood had been drained from their bodies.

                                    Now, several posts back, you heard me relate the macabre existence of this woman who so closely resembles Sandra Knight in the make-up of "Frankenstein's Daughter," it is too scary to contemplate.  She has previously haunted the Bay Ridge Avenue station, but, yesterday morning, my partner and I saw this creature. She was with a child--a little boy between the ages of eight and ten.  Her victim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Like "The Bloofer Lady," "Frankenstein's Daughter" (or "Granddaughter") might have moved into our area for fresh victims, having drained those in her immediate neighborhood.  I truly fear for the children of Bay Ridge, and the sanity of my mind, as this nightmarish entity walks the night, probably in a one-piece bathing suit, exerting sexual and psychological power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Save me from such ugliness, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                         It could drive me stark, raving mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Brush Up Your Shakespeare! Start Quoting Him Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                          So, what's it to be--"Kiss Me, Kate," or "The Desperate Hours?"

                          David Sweat is cute enough for Musical Theater, but I doubt if he knows a single word of any show tune written.  If you like that bad boy type, girls, he is your man!  Or, maybe you should avoid him!

                            But you have to hand it to both he and Richard Matt.  One reads about prison breaks like these, one sees them in movies, but who thought anything this clever or exciting could take place in present day life?

                               That Joyce Mitchell, she was some pathetic, sexually desperate thing, to do what she did!!!!  She swears she did not have sex with the prisoners, though God knows she did just about everything else. But I have my doubts, there. What I want to know is how Matt and Sweat could stand to have sex with her????????  Even Matt is better to look at than Mitchell!

                                 These two, before this is finished, will probably end up hosting their own "Survivor" type reality show, teaching others the skills they used!  I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

                                    When I heard about the breakout, I was terrified they would come to my Brooklyn neighborhood.  Looks like they have gone rural, and let them stay there!   Ticks and Lyme Disease may get them there, before anything else!

                                        However, with them on the lam for so long, this could turn into "The Desperate Hours" for some distraught family.

                                          I would actually opt for "The Desperate Hours."  Both the Joseph Hayes novel, and the subsequent Broadway play, which Hayes made from his novel.  Frederic March played the patriarch on Broadway, while Paul Newman played one of the thugs.  March repeated his role on film, with Humphrey Bogart, in his last bad guy role, playing Glenn Griffin in the 1952 film version. The whole thing was based on the experiences of the Hill family of Whitemarsh, PA, who, on September 11 and 12 of 1952, were held captive for 19 hours by escaped convicts.  I pity the poor family that might undergo this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     Keep going rural, boys, and don't come anywhere near New York!!!!!!!!!  Or, better yet, get pounded to death by a group of wild lesbians!  Maybe Dykes On Bikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      I have to give these two an "A" for cleverness, but their time is going to run out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Too bad you didn't study theater, guys!

"Now He's Out In Hollywood, D.B., Being A Prostitute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

                              That line comes from the J.D. Salinger, masterwork, "The Catcher In The Rye," which, shocking as it may seem to some, I consider vastly overrated.  I much prefer "Franny And Zooey."

                               However, this line spoke the truth, when it came to Hollywood.  If the story of Elizabeth Short did not convince you, girls, if "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" and "Valley Of The Dolls" did not do the trick, then take my word for it--do not go to Hollywood.  You will not make it.  Instead, you will become a prostitute.  Remember what Dionne Warwick sang about "all the stars who never were, are parking cars and pumping gas?"  That is what you will become, darlings, if you go to Hollywood--some sort of prostitute.

                                Which is why I have never gone.  Oh, I had moments when I wanted to, but, then, common sense prevailed. Added to which I had an East Coast sensibility, which made me ideal for New York.  If I went to Hollywood, I would be lost.  Drive a car?  Not get driven?  Are you kidding me?

                                   The only non A-lister to make a name for herself in Hollywood was Peg Entwhistle, who might have gone farther, had she not committed the famous suicidal act of jumping off the H of the HOLLYWOOD sign in 1932, after being cut out of the David O.Selznick film, "Thirteen Women," a film I never heard of.  That is not the way you want to go down in history, dolls!!!!!!!!

                                      I still say Neely had the best racket!!!!!!!!!!  She went back and forth!

                                      Swing from the chandelier, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                               And remember, tricks aren't for kids!  They are for hookers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Farewell To A Generational Patriarch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       "There's a plate of home made dishes, on the kitchen
                                            window sill."
                                         "Eight Is Enough" theme song, by Grant Goodeve

                             When columnist Thomas Braden published his memoir, "Eight Is Enough," in 1975, no one thought much of it, beyond it being a cute little read, in the vein of "Please Don't Eat The Daisies."  Now, that book spawned a short lived TV series, so who ever thought Braden's book, cute as it was, would turn out to be one of the iconic TV shows of the 1970's???????????

                                Though it ran from 1977 to 1981, there was more drama on and off screen during its years, and afterward, as there was when the show ran.  It ran at a particular time in my life--when I was just finishing college, and trying to establish some sort of niche in life, so, each Wednesday, the Bradfords, in effect, became my siblings.  Then, because of her intellectuality, I related to Lani O'Grady, who played eldest daughter, Mary, the one studying to be a doctor.  I was so connected, I took out a book on Histology from the library, and studied it. This went nowhere.

                                   Why I failed to connect with Laurie Walters, who played Joanie, the one who wanted to be an actress, is beyond me. And, of course, I wanted to look as glamorous as Dianne Kay as Nancy.

                                       This morning, I was trying to remember the names of the show's children, and the actors who played them. There were three boys, and five girls.  Here they are--

                                         Grant Goodeve--David Bradford
                                         Willie Aames--Tommy Bradford
                                          Adam Rich--Nicholas Bradford

                                          Lani O'Grady--Mary Bradford
                                          Susan Richardson--Susan Bradford
                                          Laurie Walters--Joanie Bradford
                                          Dianne Kay--Nancy Bradford
                                          Connie Needham--Elizabeth Bradford

                                     The real life drama began almost as soon as the series took off. Diana Hyland, who was having a then romantic relationship with John Travolta, was diagnosed with cancer, and the death of her character was incorporated into the show.  Later, an up and coming actress named Betty Buckley played second wife, Abby Bradford.

                                         The show was firmly entrenched in sitcom territory, but it tried for some reality.  It began to go down, getting maudlin, when Grant Goodeve's theme was adopted for the show.

                                          And afterwards, the drama continued.  Willie Aames and Adam Rich got into trouble, though now Aames is either a minister or a cruise director on a ship.  And Lani O'Grady, the most promising of the children, died in 2001, at my then age, 47, of a drug overdose due to an addiction spawned while trying to curb panic attacks on the set.

                                            Now, the saddest death of all. Dick Van Patten, the show's patriarch, and father to a generation of TV viewers.  Child actor, brother of surviving sister, Joyce. (also a child actress who made it to adulthood) he passed away  on June 23 in Santa Monica, after a long illness. He will be missed by his TV family, those of us who loved him, and of course, his three sons--Nels,
Vincent and Jimmy. Nels, the eldest, was named for the character he played on the Fifties series "Mama," based on "I Remember Mama."  Which also featured a pre-"Sound Of Music" Peggy Wood.

                                           What a career Dick Van Patten had, Eight wasn't enough for him.  But for many of us, it's enough just to remember!

                                               Rest In Peace!!!!!!!!!!!



Tuesday, June 23, 2015

"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanche!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will Yuh Talk Tuh This Man From Johnson's??????????????????"

                                      No, darlings, that line is not in the novel.

                                      If I had to make of list of the Top Ten topics written about on this blog,"What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" would be one of them.

                                        You all know--how it influenced my early life, how I wanted the childhood Baby Jane had, how I resented the attention I felt I should have got when I was older--and maybe feel I still should get--and so on, and so on.

                                          So, what more is there to say?


                                            For starters, the novel is structured differently from the movie. Where viewers are used to getting the Prologue in one fifteen minute swoop, here it is stretched out the course of the novel, by having internal past memories intrude upon the present day thoughts of Jane and Blanche.

                                             For another, it uproots the traditional Show Business Monster--the Stage Mother.  Here, it is the father, Ray Hudson, a wanna be performer, who can barely eke out a living, but, once those children come along, especially Jane, he hits pay dirt, and the glory road.  Leaving no talent Mom and sister Blanche to brood and stew--Mother, knowing Jane's stardom will not outlast childhood, Blanche resenting what her sister has now.  The sisters had their issues back then, but Daddy created them.  Mother tried to intervene, but was too passive.

                                            The novel is set up to be read objectively.  As impossible as it may be, try to remove all traces of the movie from your brain as you read the novel. What you get is a truly
disturbing, and truthful story, that never plays into the realm of camp, because it is told mostly in prose, not snappy dialogue.  It also enables one to feel sympathy for Blanche, and then to switch, at the end, to Jane.  Also, removing the film, one hardly pictures either Davis or Crawford in the roles.
Once the film came out in 1962, all bets were off; they owned,  and continue to own, those roles!!!!!!!!!

                                            Henry Farrell's schtick was the vagaries of show business and mental illness.  It was never realized more brilliantly than in 'Baby Jane,' but there are three short examples in this edition that further solidifies his skill at this gimmick.

                                               The first is his second most famous work, "What Ever Happened To Cousin Charlotte?," which became the basis for the 1964 film, "Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte."  Everything is there---the Mayhews, cousin Miriam, Charlotte, Sam Hollis, suggestions of incest, Velma Cruthers--but condensed into short story form.  The story does not go into details about Miriam's white trash social origins, and her inflated sense of entitlement, which is why she hates the Hollis family, what she witnesses, what she does to Jewel.  You get the bare outlines of the script, a kind of Southern Gothic "Gaslight." The film was much more. However, that flower urn still crushes Miriam and Hugh (called Drew in the film). And Charlotte is taken away, though one is never sure where--to jail or a mental institution.

                                                Farrell continues, with a wonderful tale that should have been dramatized on "The Twilight Zone," a story entitled, "The Debut Of Larry Richards," in which a down-and-out Broadway actor (that theme again!) gets work in the brand new medium of television, and is menaced by an emotionally distraught young man he gave the brush off to.  Fits in with the
Farrell oeuvre.

                                                   Not so the last story, with the unusual title "First, The Egg." This seems influenced by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Lost World," or more particularly, the 1925 silent film version of it, wherein a brontosaurus egg is brought back to London, to wreak havoc.  What happens here is different, but the potential is there.  The least Farrell of the three, despite the
Hollywood background.

                                                     If there are more Farrell stories out there, I would be delighted to read more. But this book you buy for two reasons--'Jane' and 'Charlotte.'  They are the ones that satisfy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      And both, especially 'Baby Jane,' engender compassion for the lead  characters.  But I still like Bette Davis, as Charlotte Hollis, when she says--

                                                       "Waddaya think I asked you here for--COMPANY???????"

                                                         Actually, I may be the one needing that nice Dr. Shelby.  If I work here five more years, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Joys Of Being A Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            Girls, I am telling you, when the heat rises, so does my Bitch-O-Meter.  Now, being a bitch has been denigrated too much.  There are actually advantages to being a bitch, which is why I say, weather or not, take full advantage of them.

                              1. You get to tell anyone you want off, and feel good about it!

                               2. You can serve tea to your worst enemy, with them not knowing if you have spit
                                    in it, or what.

                                3.  You can exchange one designer garment for another free of charge, by causing
                                      a ruckus, and spouting the sacred name of ANNA!  Which in the
                                      Metropolitan area, at least, carries some weight.

                                  4. When you go to the theater, and see something engrossing, like, say,
                                       "August:Osage County," you can suggest to the ignoramus in front
                                        of you that people should be given I Q tests before being allowed
                                        to enter the theater, to make sure that everyone seated understands
                                        exactly what they are seeing!

                                     5. When a waiter serves a meal that is not to your exact specifications,
                                          throw it under his nose, and demand it be sent back, with
                                          explicit orders on how it should be prepared. Be a REAL bitch,
                                          and give a written list!

                                      6. Forget the food, for a second.  If the service is lousy at a
                                          restaurant, call the Nasty Hostess on her faux French origins,
                                          when she really hails from Bayonne New Jersey!  And don't
                                           take any flack from those Botoxed Upper East Side matrons!

                                      7.  Inside a bookstore, knock the other person out of the way,
                                           to get to the literary fiction.  After all, you are the reader, not

                                      8.  At an audition, be charming, but if some bitch steps in your
                                           starlight, don't be afraid to show your Sheila side.  You DO
                                           know the combination--but when you were in the front!
                                           Even if auditioning for Fantine, you have got to show  that
                                           no one can convey what you can in the role!

                                      9.  How much longer do we have to endure that skank felon,
                                           Martha Stewart?  So, don't be afraid, when in a department
                                           store, if you see here picture on display, go right up to it,
                                           and smack her across the face.  You will feel great, you will
                                           not be charged with assault, and when I have done it, I have
                                           actually have had some people applaud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   10.   If harassed for being gay, ask the perps how much more
                                           tasteful is "Mother Jugs???????????"

                                    Yes, darlings, being a bitch can be such fun!  Sometimes it is downright necessary.  If you follow these guidelines, you can be the bitch of your neighborhood!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      But, we still watch "The Song Of Bernadette," at Easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, June 22, 2015

How Could I Forget?????????????

                           What with Sunday fast approaching, it dawned on me that we are now in the beginning of Pride Week, leading up to Gay Pride Sunday.  By the time you get to be my age, girls, you almost forget; having been gay for so long it's like nothing now, and having done my share of marching and protesting in my youth--which is the time for such things--it is time for today's youth to do what we did before, while we sit it out, and watch them develop some sort of social conscience. Especially since they did not have the Sixties to teach us.

                              I have theater plans for Pride Sunday, which is just my speed, darlings. And my beloved and I are taking next Monday off, which will be a delight.  Rainy Days And Mondays STILL get me down.  Though it led to an should-have-been-Oscar nominated-turn by Barbie in the Todd Haynes movie!!!!!!!!!!

                               But Gay, or Straight, Happy Pride Week, dears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Now that we have Gay Marriage, what is next?????????

                                Perhaps joint appointments, at Elizabeth Arden's????????????????????

LIZA Returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Girls, yesterday, at noon, when our bus pulled into Port Authority, and I stood in that familiar lobby, I spread my arms, and, though I wish I had been dressed as above, said "Liza Returns!!!!!!!!!!!!"   I felt like Liza Minnelli (or maybe Christine Pedi??????) returning to town.

                                After a weekend in the Republican sated state of Pennsylvania, spending a day with my centenarian father, and my poor sister, who has to endure, I was ready to return, and psychologically decompress.  Oh, honey, did I need it!  My body was sore from that bus ride, just like those stone floors, in the convent!

                                  So. I am back with my girls, ready to  report on whatever Experience has to offer!  I did see my beloved Cujo this morning, who greeted us warmly, and his ears perked up with affection.   Love to you, too Cujo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    But that outfit!  I want it, darlings!  I am ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What A Day!!!!!!!!!! .........And Divinity, Too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                The day we have been building toward is here, girls!!!!!!!  Today is the Longest Day Of The Year.  We have been building to this since December, darlings, so here we are!  After today, the days start getting Shorter....and shorter,....................

                                   Not to be outdone, today is also the birthday of the Divine MERYL STREEP!  MERYL is 66 years old today, and never has that number looked so good!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't wait to see what acting goodies MERYL offers up in her coming year!

                                     Happy Birthday, MERYL!  We will have some sort of celebration, you can count on it!

                                      On a sadder note, today is the 46th Anniversary of the Death Of Judy Garland!!!!!!  That is right, my dears!  Can you believe it has been that long!  Thank God for the legacy of film, though I am still on Ted Turner's ass not to show "The Wizard Of Oz" on screens for the 75th Anniversary, last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I mean, what would Liza say?????? Help us, Liza!!!!!!!!!!

                                       But Solstice and MERYL!!!!!!!!!!!  How can you beat such a combination????????

Are You Ready For The Summer, Darlings??????????????????

                        Summer is finally here, girls!  Actually, it arrived yesterday, but I was away for the weekend; more on that, later.

                          This year I am suggesting we all have a Baby Jane summer!  A real bitch of a time!  Go to the beach. play in the sand and surf, bury whomever you wish in the sand, and kick that Blanche across the face!

                            Just like Baby Jane, dolls!  And don't forget that dance number with the two strawberry ice cream cones!

                             Happy Summer, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Who knew it could be such fun?

Friday, June 19, 2015

A West Coast 'Prada' With Surprisingly Human Overtones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                        Shanna Mahin has the potential of being a West Coast Lauren Weisberger.  She does not have Lauren's hair, but she does have the kind of quirky California look that makes her perfect  to chronicle an area that those of us who are Eastern, dahlings, simply do not understand.

                           There are several things I learned from reading "Oh! You Pretty Things," and one of the main ones is that if you are a woman trying to make it career wise in L.A., you have more obstacle there than anywhere!  For example--

                               1. You cannot succeed without augmenting your tits!

                                2. A woman can always get a job as a stunt vagina.  What I want to know
                                    is, does the same apply for men. Can a man get a job as a stunt cock?
                                    Believe me, there are plenty out there who would qualify!

                                 3. On Saturday nights, you have to dine at Nobu Malibu!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 4. At the Beverly Hills Spring Sauna, you can hang out with Liv Tyler!

                                 5. If you are an A-Lister, then, every morning, before your bedroom door,
                                     you have to have a protein shake delivered to you!

                                  6. But not before you have your morning coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            How would I know such things?  I mean, the West Cost scares me.  My niece lives there, but so, oh, God, does Joan Didion!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            What I liked best was the section where the West Coast contingent goes to New York for a weekend, proving that West Coasters don't know shit about real life, which is only found in New York anyway, since, to us New Yorkers, New York is the only thing that matters!

                               You do NOT order tickets for "The Lion King."  That thing is so stale by now, and Julie's career has dried up like a beached whale!  When you go to New York, you see what is current and selling.  Like, right now, "Fun Home," or "An American In Paris!"

                                  You do NOT stay at the Parke Meridien Hotel!  I mean, who does anymore? If you are going to sink that low, you might as well stay at a Best Western or the Edison, both in the Theater District, with all the access to importance you could want. And W is not far from there!
But personally, I prefer something more understated like the St. Regis.  I mean, not staying in a prestige hotel in NYC is like not staying at the Chateau Marmont, in LA?  Why stay anywhere else?

                                    Do not dine at some Italian thing no one has ever heard of!  You will be run out of town so fast!

                                     Don't bring that trampy California sense of fashion to our city!  WE are the ones with taste!  WE have ANNA, after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And finally--

                                       Try to ignore Jersey or Queens, when driving to the airport!  Think of them as unmarked territories planted with war mines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Yes, darlings, I might have done a bitch job on this book, but I did love it,
and there is plenty to learn from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Now, how about my tea, with Hayley Mills????????????????


Thursday, June 18, 2015

Burn This Bitch In Hell, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       A good dose of Jennifer Jones would do nothing for this week's winner of the Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award.

                                       Dylann Storm Roof--my God, what a name!  Sick Southern Redneck THING!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         This past Wednesday, just yesterday, in fact, the spirit apparently moved Dylan to go to church.  But not for the reasons one usually goes.

                                          He went and sat, near the pastor, in a Charleston, South Carolina, African American church. Now, nothing personal, but if I were a congregant, and a lone white young man walked in, and stood out, I would have my suspicions right away.

                                          Apparently, at some point during the service, he stood up, took out a gun, and began firing. This was a Hate Crime, motivated by racism; hell, White Supremacy.

                                            "I have to do it," he said.  "You rape our women, and you're taking over our country. And you have to go."

                                               Mr. Roof, YOU are the one who has to go. And you ARE going--up the river, honey!  For Life, if not a death sentence.

                                                 Apparently, one woman was allowed to go, so she could spread the word of terror.  But Dylann left nine people dead. And a community stunned.

                                                   Perfect for Bitch Of The Week, girls! But it will not be long, Dylann until you are SOMEBODY ELSE'S bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!