Friday, November 30, 2012

Why All The Rush, Girls????????? And What Were They Thinking???????????

                                  No Michael Chabon.  No Alice Munro.  No Toni Morrison.  Are you kidding???????????

                                   These were some of the shocking surprises which greeted me, as I perused the New York Times Ten Best Books Of 2012 List, particularly in the Fiction category.  So, before going any further, let us start with what was actually selected.  Mind you, I am only covering five titles, since I am only talking about Fiction.  I know from nothing about Non-Fiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     The Times chose--1.Bring Up The Bodies, by Hilary Mantel
                                                                  2. Building Stories, by Chris Ware
                                                                  3. A Hologram For The King, by Dave Eggers
                                                                  4. NW, by Zadie Smith
                                                                   5.The Yellow Birds, by Kevin  Powers

                                       As far as how I did, I got two right.  I said the Mantel book and the Kevin Powers novel would make the cut.  I was counting on Michael Chabon's "Telegraph Avenue," Toni Morrison's "Home," and Alice Munro's "Dear Life" to support them.  Instead, the Times confounds again!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         A graphic novel????????  ("Building Stories, by Chris Ware)  What a blow to those of us devoted to the English language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How DARE they??????????  What are they trying to prove; that they are "with it??????????"  Listen, you panelists, who need to be overhauled, or at least have ME on there, until you can get through a visit to Alice's Tea Cup on West 73rd Street, don't make effusions about books that don't merit a listing, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Dave Eggers??????????  Oh, no!!!!!!!  Not AGAIN!!!!!!!!!  He seems to be the new flavor, that every time he comes out with a book he gets on the list.  And he is such a mixed bag; sometimes he's worth reading, sometime not.

                                              Same with Zadie Smith. After reading "White Teeth" twice, and still not convinced it was as great as everyone said, I wrote her off.  But then came "On Beauty." And then references to its being a reinvention of "Howard's End," by E.M. Forrester, one of my faves!!!!!!!! And it just blew me away!!!!!!!! So, I am more than willing to give Zadie a chance; I just haven't read her yet.  But when I do, dolls, you will know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 I am anxious to read "The Yellow Birds" for several reasons. First, it is not that long. Second, it has gotten its share of atttention. And, third, I don't think I can strike out twice in a row with a war book. Last year, there was that "Matterhorn" thing I could not get through, and while it made the Most Notable List, thank God it did not make the Top Ten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Interestingly, "The Yellow Birds" is the only book on the What I Would Have Picked List. I did not even choose Mantel, though I have it at home, waiting to be read.   I went with the Chabon, "Canada," by Richard Ford, "The Road House," by Louise Erdrich, and the novel that, now I will say it, I would have made my choice for Book Of The Year--"Beautiful Ruins," by Jess Walter!!!!!!!!!
Which means the Times needs me on that panel, to circumvent all this weirdness that keeps popping up each year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      As for the final results, I have read one, and plan to read three. Unless I hear more glowing reports of the Eggers book, I will skip it, along with the Chris Ware title!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      But can you believe it????????  I hardly have time to take a breath after the 100 Most Notable, when out comes the Ten Best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Well. at least "Fifty Shades Of Grey" didn't make it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"On The Other Side Of The Tracks," Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Hard as it may seem, loves, the Raving Queen can be wrong sometimes.  And the picture above proves it.  Now, let me introduce you to the little girl, above. This is Wing Tip, The Spick, and she is the heroine of one of my favorite short stories, "The Village Of Cream Puffs," which appears in Carl Sandburg's volume, "Rootabaga Stories."  The illustration above is from a version which appeared in an edition of one of the "My Book House" books, which I had as a child.  You should see how lushly they depict the actual Village Of Cream Puffs, and how they have to prevent it from being hauled away by wind, with a giant spool!!!!!  What a time they would have had, with Hurricane Sandy!!!!!!!!!

                                         Now, girls, I know what you are going to say. Wing Tip,The Spick???  What's that??????  Was Thurber some kind of racist????????

                                          I know nothing of Sandburg's political beliefs, nor do I care to. But I looked up the definition of the word "Spick" and it referred to one who was clean, as in "spic and span." So the moniker refers to the fact that she is a well-groomed, well behaved child.

                                           But, I really missed the boat on this one. Not having read this story, or seen the above photo, in at least 30 years, I had forgotten an important detail. My impression was always that Wing Tip The Spick came from the Village Of Liver And Onions--hence she was a girl from the Wrong Side Of The Tracks--and she went to visit her uncles (her mother's brothers!!!!!!) who all lived in the Village Of Cream Puffs.  But it is just the other way around. So Wing Tip is not from the wrong side at all!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Which makes sense, because, hell, I would rather live in the Village Of Cream Puffs, which has to be more interesting and enticing than the Village Of Liver And Onions!!!!!!!!!  Not to mention it would smell better!!!!!!!!!  Obviously, Wing Tip's mother married well, but what kind of skids did the brothers hit that they are all forced to live in the Village Of Liver And Onions????????  I mean, every single one!!!!!!!!!!  James Thurber never tells that!!!!!!!!!!  And you'll notice they are NEVER allowed to visit the Village Of Cream Puffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Life is certainly not dull there, because, with every blast of wind, the village is at risk of floating away. Thank Heavens for that gigantic spool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    It just goes to show one cannot judge entirely by appearances!!!!!!!

                                                     You have to just love Wing Tip, The Spick, darlings!!!!!!!!!  She has more courage than I!!!!!!!!!!!  You wouldn't catch me on the Main Street Of The Village Of Liver And Onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Cry Me A River, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Right, Girls!!!!!!!!! Now It Can Be Said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Today is not only when we say bye bye to November--how fast did this month go; can you believe it?  It seems I aged from 57 to 58 in a single second!!!!!!!!!  But today is when the Official Holiday Countdown Begins--meaning it is now 25 days exactly till Christmas!!!!!!!!!!

                                         And in that time, if you're like me, darlings, there is lots you have to get in--birthdays, parties, shopping for gifts, visiting Christmas attractions--a veritable treadmill, until everything comes crashing to a screeching halt, come January 2.

                                           But we won't think about that now, girls!!!!!!!!  We will think about that some other time--just like Scarlett!!!!!!!!!!  Meanwhile, I am looking forward to dinner tonight--it's Hedda and Louella time, once again--and I will be sure to give my girls a full report. I can tell you one thing--since I am not working tomorrow, I am going to have wine!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe more than one glass, if the situation warrants it!!!!!!!!!!!!  Mother Mary, help us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            Nevertheless, here we are--countdown to Christmas.  Remember what Dr. Seuss said, "He (the Grinch) couldn't stop Christmas from coming, it came!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                               Haul out the holly, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

What Is It With White Guys, And Afros????????????

                                     Remember Bernie on "Room 222?"  He had a huge red Afro atop his head, looking, as many such did, very much in vogue, during the 1970s, as if appearing in a road company of the musical, "HAIR," or, at least, seeming to want to.

                                       I never knew, until talking to my beloved Monsieur last evening, that this conic attribute is called a "Jewfro!"  I don't quite get the connection between the style and Judaism, but there you are!

                                          I wonder if there is something more at work, called the Samson Factor.  Remember, in the story, Samson had these gorgeous locks of  hair, from which he supposedly got all his strength. That is, until that vixen Delilah shorn those locks--and took away all his strength.

                                            Does this hairstyle cause white boys to go on power trips???????   I had to wonder, during an encounter with one yesterday.  Not only was the guy's Afro so abundant, he was also incredibly tall, to begin with. Meaning he appeared even taller.

                                               This guy approached me, and, without having exchanged a word, I could tell there was Attitude, and then some. He made this abundantly clear by talking to me dismissively, while, at the same time, talking into his Smart Phone.  Oh, and he made it perfectly clear to me that he in no way "does computers."  Uh, huh!!!!!!!!!! Then why are you using a Smart Phone?????????

                                                  Things went from bad to worse. He requested something, which I supplied, or at least filled the order for, then announced that he had to have this by Monday.  I told him there was no way I could guarantee this, and he acted like it was my fault!!!!!!!!!  At one point, during the transaction, he was lacking a viable piece of info.  I told him where he could go to retrieve  it, and he was so affronted--that HE should actually walk downstairs and interact with anyone!!!!!!!  I mean, who did he think he was, Anna Fucking Wintour?????  No respect to you, Anna, you know I LOVE you, but the point is you would be a little more pro-active yourself. Which is why Anna is ANNA!!!!!!!  But this guy--this was a first, darlings!!!--gets on his Smart Phone, and declares, right to my face, so I will know just HOW IMPORTANT he is, "I'm going to call my assistant!"  And the assistant actually had this rather trivial piece of information!!!!!!!!  Which makes me wonder how much about this guy the assistant knows!!!!!!  I've got to track down  this assistant, and talk to him!!!!!!!!!  I have never thought of resorting to blackmail, but after yesterday, I am beginning to wonder!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Then there was another item.  Which, from his poor interpersonal communication skills, I was to understand that I was to call up the place that had this, and have it delivered IMMEDIATELY to him!!!!!!!!!  Like, I have any control over this?????????? Of course, no amount of explaining would cajole him; I had to get one of my colleagues to intervene, before he finally blew us both off!!!!!!!!

                                                     Let me say, at the risk of offending those with Afros, this guy's personality was negative, and would have been, no matter what the hair style.  BUT with the hairstyle, he only looked more conspicuous, not to mention that delusional, power mad look in his eyes, which at first I thought might have been due to drugs, but came more, I think, from his assumption that he was a Legend In His Own Mind!!!!!!!!!! The only place, where he would be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       All of which has made me very skeptical of white guys with Afros!!!!!
And don't even start me on bad Smart Phone manners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         Where is our Technological Emily Post????????????????????

Is Harper Lee A Lesbian??????? Does It Matter???????

                                      What in the world is making me think about this right now, girls?????  Well, Christmas is coming, faster than we know, and that always makes me think of my favorite piece of narrative prose for that season, "A Christmas Memory," by Truman Capote.  I defy anyone to arrive at the last sentence dry eyed.

                                          And, of course, when Truman's name comes up, so, inevitably, does Harper Lee.  Many of us had some idea about Capote being the inspiration for Dill Harris in Lee's classic, "To Kill A Mockingbird," but, especially after the two films (one with Philip Seymour Hoffman, the other with Toby Jones, where Lee was played, respectively, by Catherine Keener and Sandra Bullock!!!!) she has become inextricably linked with him.

                                            We know, of course, that Capote was gay; he never denied it, he flaunted it to the max, and he was a role model of sorts for many of my age group--and especially yours truly!!!!!!!!!

                                               But Harper Lee's fascination, apart from the brilliance of her novel, and the film that was made of it 50 years ago, has been her mysteriousness--those two questions surrounding her, which only she can honestly answer--and she ain't talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   The first is--why did she write only one book?????????  Well, for starters she is not the only one. Another Southern born lady, Margaret Mitchell, wrote only one novel, that, like 'Mockingbird',. became iconic--"Gone With The Wind."  If you read into Mitchell's life, you can glean why she never wrote another book; and while the two are certainly not alike, some of those issues are bound to resonate, to a degree, where Lee is concerned. In other words, it is easier to fathom why this is so.

                                                      But Harper Lee being a lesbian????????  It seems too many people seem to care about this.  And too many people base this on the tomboyishness of Scout in the book, and that Harper herself never married.  Does this make her a lesbian??????  Does this make anyone a lesbian???????

                                                         Not really.  But it seems social factions want to claim Lee's lesbianism for their own.  The Gay community, obviously, so they can say one of their own wrote one of the twentieth century's best and most important works of fiction; the anti-gays, who would take umbrage that one of distinctly different orientation could write such a book at all.

                                                          Silly children, all!  Confine your bickering to the schoolyard. Like Scout did,when she went after Cecil Jacobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            Harper Lee a lesbian?????????  Who cares, darlings??????????
What matters is she wrote a damn fine book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am Not One To Endorse Murder, Darlings!!!!! But I Think This Is One Time When Dexter Might Have Helped!!!!!!!!!

                                    You all know Dexter, girls, America's most lovable and quasi-moral serial killer, who has his own TV show.  Despite serial killers being an almost avocation for me, I have to confess I have never watched a single episode. Not from disdain; I just never got around to it.

                                      But after watching the story of this week's Bitch Of The Week last night, I got to thinking, if there were a real Dexter out there, I might pick up the phone, and call.  Hell, maybe someone in the facility where she is incarcerated just might do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is Ellen Snyder!

                                          In the scheme of things, Ellen was your garden variety bitch-- a harridan who essentially murdered her husband to get rid of him, because he was becoming too much of an inconvenience, and to get at his money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   But she was no Phyllis Dietrichson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            It was the underlying aspects of Ellen's story that made her so despicable, and hence eligible here for this prize.  Her husband, Mike Snyder, (and isn't he just kinda cute, darlings????) was gunned down by his wife in early January 2002.  Ellen immediately began spilling so many yarns, she should have taken up creative writing as a career.  First she said Mike had left; that he had walked out on his family. Then she said he ran off to Phoenix to have a gay relationship with a man no one ever heard of named David Simmons.  Next she said she heard from Mike, that he had called her, was fine, but was not coming back.  It just gets better.  In 2004 and 2005 Mike was found to have filed income tax returns.  There were even rumors something had happened to Mike; that he was buried somewhere in the back yard of where the Snyders had been living in 2002.

                                            Ellen also maintained Mike was an abuser.  I have no doubt every marriage has its ups and downs, and she and Mike no doubt had theirs. But, hey, Ellen had been married before, so her track record was not exactly perfect.  And from this marriage, she had a son, Michael Sheffield, who was 17, at the time Mike allegedly disappeared.

                                                This Ellen was some piece of work. She came to work with sunglasses hiding bruises, which she said Mike had given--and there were some who said she had planted them there, herself. Based on what happened, I am inclined to agree.

                                                   Son Michael had a good friend, Patrick, whom he told everything to. Patrick was working for Ellen for a time; she was a service manager at a mechanics company. Eventually, she was forced to fire him, for lack of productivity--the higher ups told her to--and that is when Patrick took matters into his own hands, going to the police, telling them Mike Snyder had been murdered eight years before--it was now 2010--by his wife, and son Michael had helped Ellen dispose of him. And how did he know this???? Because the somewhat guilt ridden Michael would tell him this--all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      During the marriage, Mike also developed a debilitating case of Multiple Sclerosis. He was on disability, and Ellen was forced to take care of him, which was none too thrilling for her. She insists on the night of the murder, Mike woke her up yelling, she felt threatened, she went for a gun (whom she had borrowed from a coworker) and shot Mike.  He ran, she kept shooting,, till he went down. Eight years later, reinvestigating things, a cold case detective found the story to be fabricated; Mike had actually been gunned down, sleeping in his bed.  How physically active can one afflicted with MS be, girls??????  Just ask Annette Funicello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         Does any of this sound familiar??? It reminds me of that no good Charlotte Bayes, played by Isabella Hoffman, in the 2003 "Cold Case" episode. "Churchgoing People."  I have to wonder if the writers of that segment got some ideas from Ellen, here.  Ellen was not an outright abuser, like Charlotte, but she was cunning, manipulative, and this whole thing was premeditated. And, like Charlotte with son Ryan, she got son Michael, then 17 to participate in the burying of his stepfather, then cover this up, for eight years. Her words to him, that day, were--"I shot Mike. Now go to school!"

                                                           Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, thanks to Patrick, Ellen was found out, Michael cracked being interrogated, (for his cooperation, he was not charged) and while the 11 year sentence is hardly the justice she deserves, at least she was found culpable, charged, and locked up. Where, hopefully, she will stay longer; maybe the Snyders will work against behalf of her parole.

                                                              But that remains to be seen. Meantime, we have Ellen  Snyder, Bitch Of The Week, one of the most cold and calculating (not to mention devious, having a history of embezzlement at a previous company, and being charged with tax fraud in filing "Mike's" returns!!!!!!!)  I hope she rots in jail, till all her hair falls out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                  These people never seem to learn!!!!!!!!! Divorce is SO much easier, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It's Book List Time, Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Michael Chabon made it, darlings!  And so did Zadie  Smith.  Yesterday, The New York Times released their list of the 100 Most Notable Books Of 2012, in both the Fiction/Poetry, and Non-Fiction categories.  And from this list, ten--five Fiction, five Non--will be culled, to form the 10 Best Books Of 2012, which, according to my calculations, should appear on Sunday, December 9.

                                                  It is anyone's guess as to what will make that list.  But, first, let me get to
Fiction--which is what we all want to know, and which books listed I actually thought were worth reading--and a couple of them I already have!!!!!!!!!

                                                  1. Beautiful Ruins, by Jess Walter--read it!!!!!!!!
                                                   2.Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk, by Ben Fountain
                                                   3.Blasphemy, by Sherman Alexie
                                                   4.Bring Up The Bodies, by Hilary Mantel
                                                    5. Canada, by Richard Ford
                                                    6.Carry The One, by Carol Anshaw
                                                    7. Gods Without Men, by Hari Kunzu
                                                     8. Home, by Toni Morrison
                                                     9. NW, by Zadie Smith
                                                    10. The Round House, by Louise Erdrich
                                                     11. Salvage The Bones, by Jessmyn Ward--read it!!!!!!!!!
                                                    12. Telegraph Avenue, by Michael Chabon
                                                    13. This Is How You Lose Her, by Junot Diaz
                                                     11.The Yellow Birds, by Kevin Powers

                                                  These are the books that stood out for me, the ones I want to read. The odds are one or more--but certainly not all--will end up on the Ten Best List, because there are other books
I did not list, and some may be selected from there, like, for example, "Dear Life," by Alice Munro.

                                                    So, let me first guess what the Times will pick for their five Fiction
selections, and then what I might do for mine.

                                                      What I Think the Times Will Do--

                                                        1. Home, by Toni Morrison--because whenever she or Philip
                                                               Roth publish, it gets on; it is a given!!!!!!!!!
                                                         2. Telegraph Avenue, by Michael Chabon--hey, it's Chabon,
                                                                 and too good to pass up
                                                           3. Dear Life, by Alice Munro--another writer who usually
                                                                    gets on.
                                                             4. The Yellow Birds, by Kevin Powers--with the war an
                                                                    issue, and there has been too much buzz over this one
                                                                  to ignore it.
                                                               5. Bring Up The Bodies by Hilary Mantel--it has been
                                                                     on such a roll, and no reason that should continue!!!!

                                                              What I Would Do, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                                1. Telegraph Avenue, by Michael Chabon--the best
                                                                        thing he has written since 'Kavalier And Clay'!!!
                                                                 2. Canada, by Richard Ford--because I would read
                                                                         anything Richard Ford put in front of me. He is
                                                                        worth it!!!!!!!!!
                                                                   3.  Beautiful Ruins, by Jess Walter--lush, rich romantic,
                                                                          and literary, to boot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                                    4.  The Round House, by Louise Erdrich--she hasn't
                                                                            turned up lately, and a writer always worth reading!
                                                                      5. Bring Up The Bodies, by Hilary Mantel--a groundswell,
                                                                             and, after "Wolf Hall," can Hil do anything wrong????

                                             How shall I fare?  We should find out after Sunday, December 9, if not before!!!!  Let me also add I was greatly surprised that the book I am currently reading, "The World Without You," by Joshua Henkin, did not make the 100 List.  Though I am halfway through, I feel
it should have. The story and characters are far too compelling, and the writing too good for it to be
passed over.  Better that than the much heralded "Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk," by Ben Fountain,
which, though I did not place it anywhere, I have a sneaking suspicion will turn up on The Times Ten
Best List!  Groan!!!!!!!!!!!  Am I actually going to have to read it????????????

                                                  So, now we know, darlings, that the year is starting to wind down!!!!!!!!!
Make your book list now, girls, and if you want to show me, go ahead.  Let's see how we fare, in comparison to the so-called almighty Times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   To another Reading Year, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Darlings, Didn't You Just Love Jane's Pink Striped Pajamas??????

                                    That's how it started last night, girls.  Jane, in a stunning pair of pink striped pajamas, with all that gorgeous Angie Harmon hair cascading down, and Maura, chic and lovely in a sort of off beige pair of PJ's, with a pattern.  Drinking coffee, which Jane hands to Maura, who is instantly repulsed by the fact that she is being served instant coffee!!!!!!!!  As well should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       And so, darlings, the new season of "Rizzoli And Isles" begins!!!!!!!!  Which means, thank God, that on Tuesdays, we don't have to look at that ugly old Lieutenant Joe Kenda.  Not that the cute one is bad--far from it--but let's face it, Kenda, in his day, NEVER looked THAT good!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          Meanwhile, over at the Precinct Cafe, Angela is still working for Stanley, which means Lorraine is still doling out food, and making coffee!!!!!! Thank God for that!  A portly gent sits down, begins to eat breakfast, when he begins to  cough, and blood sputters copiously out of his nose and mouth. Soon he is on the floor--dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Which means Jane and Maura have to rush to the scene instantly, changing out of their designer PJ's on the way!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Thus begins one of the most exciting episodes ever, dealing with  a drug conspiracy between a washed-up pharmaceutical exec, a de-licensed  physician, and a sleazebag lawyer.
Coupled with a contagion of bacterial meningitis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              As if that weren't enough, everyone is trying to come to terms with Lydia's baby--including Lydia.  They cannot even agree on a name; some call it "T.J." while others say "Mario."
It looks like Jane, Maura and Angela are going to raise it, but then Lydia steps in with her white trash mother, and decides she is going to take it. After dumping him   on the Rizzoli doorstep.  I am telling you, I do not like that Lydia one bit; that doe-eyed look does not fool me!!!!!!!!  She is no Fantine; she is a conniving, manipulative bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Thank God it turns out that Tommy is actually the father; now he and the Rizzolis have some familial rights.  But the ending, which looked like an ersatz version of "Since You Went Away," suggested to me all this warmth and fuzziness will not last--not as long as Lydia and her white trash mom are in the picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      I say, give that baby to Jane and Maura!  That way, it will grow up smart and sophisticated!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Not to mention having fabulous fashion sense, and hair!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Myths Just Keep Getting Added On To Myths, Girls!!!!!!!!!

                                  As I stated in my earlier, 'Close Enocunters' posting, one of the theories for the disappearance of Flight 19 had to do with technology from the lost continent of Atlantis. This is a myth that has fascinated me for eons--who can forget Supergirl kissing Jerro the Merboy, and being embarrassed because, since everyone down there communicated by thought, there was no privacy???????

                                   Only I would remember something like that, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Atlantis is a legendary island, first mentioned by Plato, around 360 B.C.  There has been debates for centuries over whether it is just a legend, or whether it is real!!!!!!!!!!!  I favor the latter, darlings, but then, remember, I believe in Odo Island and Gojira!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     And it was eons ago, that Atlantis sank beneath the sea, in a single day!!!!!! This particular rendering happens to be MY favorite; its use of color is striking!!!!!   Some believe that the citizens were being punished by the Gods for their arrogance; the mythical equivalent of, say Noah and the Flood, with the Earth being flooded. Which is how the myth of Atlantis might have evolved.  Popular legend places it in Western Europe, in or near the Mediterranean Sea.

                                       The sinking has been the subject of magnificent paintings and murals by artists.  In 1961, filmmaker George Pal made a trash film called "Atlantis--The Lost Continent," which has the trashiest rendering of the disaster seen on film!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, just look at that!!!!!!!!  Isn't it trashy????? Like college kids filming in their bathtub!!!!!!!  And much of the film is stock footage from other MGM films like "Quo Vadis," or "The Last Days Of Pompeii".

                                         But I just love the myth of Atlantis--especially the idea of an entire island sinking beneath the sea and vanishing.  Hell, after Sandy, it could happen to New York!!!!!!  Though, hopefully not in our lifetimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           And who could begin to believe the tales that would be told about Manhattan???????

Guess What?????? The Girls Return Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   That is right, darlings!!!!!!!  Tonight, at 8PM, on TNT, the girls for all us girls--Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander as "Rizzoli and Isles"--are back on the beat, and not a moment too soon. Rumor has it they will be investigating everything from murder to a medical contagion, but what I want to know is, will Lorraine still be on hand, as Mama Angela, to make coffee????????  And what about good guy brother, Frankie, and bad boy sibling, Tommy????????

                                      I cannot wait to see what glamorous togs Maura Isles digs out tonight!  And Angie Harmon, as Rizzoli, well, girls, just that hair, alone..........

                                       So, make sure the dishes are done and put away, and you are all curled up in your seat, tea, cocoa or liquor in hand, to usher in the new season of "Rizzoli and Isles!!!!!!!"

                                        Tuesdays just got exciting again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's No Myth, Like An Urban Myth, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   How young and tender I was, darlings, when I first saw "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind."  Yet I can recall the experience, like it was yesterday.

                                    Actually, it was New Year's Eve, December 31, 1977.  Having just graduated from college that May, I was still at home, getting my bearings.  That evening, my father and I had already gone to the obligatory Vigil Service, at--where else???--St. Paul's Church, in Highland Park.  We had time to kill until the countdown with Guy Lombardo--this was back in the day, darlings--so we went to the movies.  I had not seen 'Close Encounters' yet, and it was playing at the then Loews's Theatre, out on Route 18 in East Brunswick.

                                      So, off we went!  Though I have only seen the film once, and not since then, my favorite moment in the film was the opening, when these men, in the desert, dust flowing across the screen, come across a group of airplanes that have seemingly appeared by magic.  The scene is gripping and haunting, but what I was about to discover was there was an element of truth to it.

                                        The planes, as mentioned in the film, were thought to be those of Flight 19, which vanished mysteriously on December 5, 1945. Flight 19 was the name given to the entire group of TBM Avenger Torpedoes, and vanished over water, upon taking off from the Naval Air Station, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  Five airplanes and 14 airmen were never heard from again, nor have they been.

                                          All sorts of theories abound, including mechanical failure, which resulted in a massive explosion.  And this might have been what did happen.  But, if so, why was it not noted on the machines on ground following them?  Why has not a single piece of aircraft ever turned up????????

                                            Which brings me to 'Close Encounters.'
 Obviously, the theory they were going for was alien abduction--and the aliens, now choosing to visit the Earth,  wanted to signal their presence by returning these planes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But two more theories--much more fun, darlings!!!!--are attributed to this. One is the Bermuda Triangle, that mysterious force field that has been downing planes for ages.  My personal favorite is technology from--get this, girls!!!!!--the lost continent of Atlantis, which is something I will deal with another time!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                The rest of the film was spellbinding, with Melinda Dillon and Cary Guffey turning in the best performances. Why Melinda never went farther on film I could never understand; she was a brilliant actress!!!!!!!  And Broadway's original Honey, in "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?," I'll have you know.

                                                   It was a memorable New Years Eve. We got home in time to see Guy And His Royals, and Grace Knox!!!!!!!!!   Now, who was Grace???????  She was a high school classmate of my father's, who ran the Knox Tavern for years, out on Route 27, not far from Metuchen.  I don't know much about Grace, but it looks like home and the tavern were her entire life!!!!!  But New Years Eve was her big blowout; she would peroxide her hair, get dolled up in a fancy gown, and a stunning tiara, so she would be easy to spot on TV, and there she would be!!!!!!!!!!!  Right in the ballroom of New York's famed Waldorf Hotel!!!!!!   The thing about New Years Eve in our house was we always had to watch for Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Grace and 'Close Encounters' in one evening. It was almost too much to take!  No wonder I recall this, 35 years later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        And I bet when Flight 19 went missing, it met up with Amelia Earhart!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, My God!!!!!!!!! Sweeties, You Have To Be Kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             When "Funny Girl" arrived on Broadway, in 1964, no one questioned the idea of making a musical about Fanny Brice--even if the musical was really about its star performer, Barbra Streisand.  Fanny Brice was an iconic performer of her day, whose legacy had survived over the years, and Barbra, even then, was clearly on her way to becoming an icon, herself!!!!!!!!!

                                                 Likewise, when Judy Garland was given the biopic treatment via Judy Davis, I didn't bat an eye.  Another icon who deserves a biopic, and, with Judy and Tammy Blanchard each playing Garland, it was truly something to behold--not the least bit embarrassing or cringe worthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   But Susan Boyle???????????????????????

                                                    Don't get me wrong; when I first heard Susan, via YouTube, do "I Dreamed A Dream" several years ago, I was blown away.  And being one who has heard a few renditions of the song, let alone done one myself, this was considerable praise.  Susan also had the "Funny Girl" factor; like Fanny, she was not "pretty" (and "If A Girl Isn't Pretty...., darlings............) but she rose above it, because when she opened her mouth, out came this gorgeous voice that indisputably showed she had talent. Not unlike Fanny Brice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     And Susan has gone on to record, and perform all over the world, becoming, what is called in the biz, "an international sensation."  But an icon??????????  I am not so sure.


                                                         Over in London, there is a musical playing called "I Dreamed A Dream," which tells the story of Susan Boyle!!!!!!!!!  It has gotten decent reviews!!!!!!!  According to what I have read, when it was being planned, Susan herself was consulted on playing herself; after reading the script, she decided it would be better if another actress did the role.  From what I hear, Elaine C. Smith, who also co-wrote the book, does an admirable job of portraying Susan.  I have to admit if I were in London right now, I would check this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                            But wait!!!!!!!!!!!!  Apparently, the show has garnered enough success, so now there is talk of a movie being made.  Now, personally, for the movie, I think Susan SHOULD do it, but do you know who is being talked about, for this role???????????   Are you ready, darlings???????????????

                                                           That is right, girls--Glenn Close!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Huh?????????? First off, how will she do it???????  Will she wear a fat suit?????????  But more important, there is one thing Susan Boyle CAN do which Glenn CANNOT--and that is SING!!!!!!!!   Sure, she has made her attempts, with "Barnum" way back when, and talking her way through Norma Desmond (an insult to La Lu Pone!!!!!!!) in "Sunset Boulevard," but, let's face it, girls, singing has never been Glenn's strong point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                              So, what will they do????? Have Glenn sing, which will mar the impact of the story. Dub her with Susan's tracks?????????  Isn't it a bit obvious, at that point??????? Besides, if you are going to do that, why not get Susan, herself??????????

                                                                And, anyway, this is still talk!!!!!!!!!  Glenn may not be cast, after all!!!!!!!!   I certainly hope not!  Because you know who I think could play Susan Boyle???????? Though I have never heard her sing, I feel there is a voice somewhere there, and I know, from her signature role as Edina Monsoon, that she has no qualms about frumping herself up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                   That's right, darlings, I am talking about none other than Jennifer Saunders!!!!!!!!!!!!  I stand by that!!!!!!!!! And so, I am sure does Joanna Lumley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                    Sweeties, sweeties, sweeties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Darlings, The Word Is Audiences Are Being Brought To Their Feet, With Tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Now, I was not there, girls--if only I had been!  But on November 23, which was last Friday, in one of those special screening rooms they have in this city, the first New York audience sat through a screening of the forthcoming film version of the musical "Les Miserables!"  And the reception was tremendous, with tear stained faces arising to give the film, and its cast, a tremendous ovation!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Which, of course, includes Anne Hathaway as Fantine!!!!!!!!!  Just look at this photo, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!  Apparently, they are not skimping on the tragedy of Fantine--you could not ask for a more heart rending tableau!!!!!!!!! And you can see how Hugh Jackman and Anne seem to be giving their all to these roles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       This is the Film of the Season!!!!!!!!!!!  I know my tears will commence, once Fantine appears onscreen, since whenever I read the book or see the show I live it with her, not to mention that ending up, as such, pictured above, happens to be my greatest fear!!!!!!!!!!  So, while I love Fantine as a character, I fear her, for what she represents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         Perhaps the flattening of it all into a film image, rather than the three dimensions of the stage, will keep things a bit at a distance!!!!!!!!!!!  I can only tell you, after I have seen it!!!!!!!!!!!!!  In the meantime, there is less than 30 days to go. This was supposed to open of December 14--and I was hoping to take that day off, and go--but Universal pulled it back till Christmas Day, which, though it is a big, prestige picture, is NOT an upbeat story.  Take it from one who has read the book twice--if you want to see a "feelgood movie" on Christmas, this is NOT the one to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            But Anne, as Fantine, is going to be so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             As exciting as me dressing in the part for the screening, and doing MY killer rendition of "I Dreamed A Dream," darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               But not at the initial viewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls, We Just LOVE Marjorie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        How did I miss this one, darlings?????????????????

                                        When it comes to neighborhood scolds, it is indisputable that Almira Gulch (Margaret Hamilton, in the Kansas sequence of "The Wizard Of Oz") takes the prize, what with abducting an innocent child's dog--one, who was about as brutal as a submissive bottom in and S and M club!!!!!!!!!  And, of course, if, like me, you grew up on North Tenth Avenue, in Highland Park, New Jersey, there was our own neighborhood scold, Mrs. Best!!!!!!!!!!!  Only, there was no Mr. Best around; he must have kicked the bucket or ran out long before I was old enough to remember anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           Which brings me to Marjorie Nugent!!!!!!!!!!!!  She had to be the most hated woman in Carthage, Texas!!!!!!!!!  To look at the above photo, you would think butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, but, let me tell you, sweeties, these are the ones you have to watch out for!

                                               Marjorie never had a kind word  for anyone.  Her son, Rod, was estranged from her, and it seems everyone in town knew her, because at one time or another she had been condescending or belittling to them, and they never forgot it!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When her husband of all too many years--I think his name was Bill--died, there were some who cheered him on, because at least he was free from Marjorie!  And there were others who said living with Marjorie is what killed him. I would not doubt it.

                                                 Now, Bernie Tiede ran the local funeral parlor in town, so he handled the funeral of Marjorie's husband.  However, Bernie was a real snake--butter wouldn't melt in his mouth either, but everyone seemed to LOVE him.  A mortician, churchgoer, chorister and director of community musical theater--UHM, HM!!!!!!!!!!  WATCH OUT THERE!!!!!!--he began to console Marjorie in, shall we say, a "Harold and Maude" kind of way!!!!!!!!!  Did they do the Nasty????????  Ewwwwwwwwww!  I do not think so, because Marjorie was just not as fun loving as Ruth Gordon's Maude. And when some things later came out about Bernie, which I will reveal--WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                   Let's face it, neither one was much to look it!!!!!!!!  But, being estranged from Rod, I think Marjorie came to look on Bernie as a son--someone to watch over her, take care of her, etc!!!!!!!!!!!  And Bernie played this to the hilt, because  you know damn well he was out for big bucks!!!!!!!!  Because, darlings, Marjorie had money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Bernie cajoled to Marjorie for three years--her husband died in 1993.  But things exploded the night of November 19, 1996.  Marjorie suddenly "vanished."  No one had a clue--and at first no one cared. But when her stockbroker, nine months later, needed her to sign documents, and with Bernie covering tracks as though hiding something, they got son Rod to let them go in the house.  The house was empty, but in the back was a big freezer, taped shut. Well, girls, they undid that freezer, and guess who was in there, with all the frozen veggies???????   You got it!!!!!!!!!!  Marjorie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     Bernie was in deep shit.  According to what one wants to believe, he was driven to do it out of rage, because he was tired of enduring her verbal abuse for the past three years, even though he did everything for her. Hey, Bernie, didn't anyone tell you, you could just walk away????????  What I believe, and it has been theorized, is that Marjorie somehow caught on that Bernie was fleecing her out of cash, she was going to tell, and he killed her to stop that.  Because when the dust settled, Bernie was the beneficiary of Marjorie's will!!!!!!!!  And for the nine months leading up to her being found, he was living high off the hog, treating himself to cars, donating to charities to make himself feel like a hero--Bernie, you don't fool me one bit, you were just one big fat tub of GREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You may have looked well fed to start out with, but it certainly did not end there!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        And guess what??????? Now, remember, I said Bernie was not much to look at!!!!!!!!! When the police searched his house, they found, among other things, a cache of videocassettes, all home-made, and all featuring Bernie and other guys doing the Nasty on them!!!!!!!!  I sure hope they did not recreate this in the movie with Jack Black!!!!!!!!  Again, ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
You just know those guys with Bernie had to have been paid for!  I mean, who else would have him?????? And you just know that they had no idea they were being photographed!!!!!!!! What a rotten blackmailer Bernie was!!!!!!!!!!! It's too bad his "costars" couldn't file any lawsuits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        But get this!!!!!!!!!!!!  Carthage thought SO highly of Bernie, that, even after he confessed, some did not believe it, and thought Marjorie had gotten what she asked for!!!!!!! Which meant that when it came time for a trial, it had to be done in another venue!!!!!!!!!

                                                           Which it was, and that rattlesnake Bernie got the surprise of his life, when he was convicted and given a Life Sentence. He truly expected to be acquitted!!!!!!!  Guess again, Bern!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                I learned about all this last night, while watching "Sins And Secrets" on Investigation Discovery. Halfway through, Monsieur turned to me, and said there had been a recent movie of this, starring Jack Black, and Shirley MacLaine!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                 "Huh??????,"  I said!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                   Well, lambs, it is true!!!!!!!!!!! "Bernie," the film, was released last year; it must have played for a week!!!!!!!!!   Shirley and Jack did star, and from the looks of it, it seems they were well cast!!!!!!!!!!  I gather it was a serio-comic look at the case, with Jack Black giving a serio-comic performance. You could fool me, girls; in the first place, I don't consider Jack Black much of anything, let alone serio!!!!!!!!!!!!  But after seeing this story last night, I have to say the casting makes sense!!!!!
Is it a good film??????????????  You know I will tell you, if I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                     Marjorie Nugent was certainly no Marjorie Morningstar!!!!!!!!
I am just sorry I could not play her--what a blast that would have been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                        And it is just amazing what you can freeze, these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bellisima, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                        Now, girls, before I get into discussing Mr. Walter's novel--which, not to keep anyone in suspense, will be recommended highly--I have a revelation of my own to unveil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          This book will mark an historical benchmark for me, always.  It is the First Book I Ever Read On A Kindle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            That's right, loves!!!!!!!!!!!!  Monsieur, the most beloved of all, gave me a Kindle for my birthday, and, let me tell you, it has its  advantages.  But not to fear--hard copy books will never be completely replaced, as far as I am concerned.  But it is an interesting way to keep up with fiction, and, what's interesting is, because of the way it is constructed, my reading speed on a Kindle is greater than with a regular book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                But back to "Beautiful Ruins."  I had my eyes on this one for a long time, and, I have to confess, one reason is that gorgeous, blue, romantic dust jacket, which promises so much!!!!!!
When I first saw it, I remembered that old adage about judging a book by its cover.  However, in the case of this book, it delivers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Imagine if Francoise Sagan met John O'Hara, met Dawn Powell!!!!!!!!  This is both a Hollywood story--and a great piece of fictionalizing real Hollywood icons--a meditation on Fame, and the extraordinary way Fate brings lives together, then pulls them apart.

                                                    Without telling too much, let me say it crosses back and forth between 1962, and the present, Italy and Hollywood, and touches upon, of all things, the debacle surrounding the filming of 20th Century-Fox's monumentally expensive epic, "Cleopatra," and the ensuing romance it created for stars Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton!!!!!!!!!!!  Then there  are fictional characters hovering around, who are every bit as well drawn, who are peripherally a part of this event and these lives.

                                                        That is all I am going to say.  I could not stop reading, because I could not wait to see where Walter was going to go, with his story next. And while things are wrapped up satisfactorily, I have to confess, I wish it had gone on a bit longer. Which speaks highly of the hold the story has on the reader.

                                                           This is a book not only for all my girls to read, but for those who admire wonderfully crafted literary fiction.  If I end up compiling a Ten Best Books List, I can tell you right now, this will be on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                             As for "Cleopatra," I still have NEVER seen it, but I have always wanted to do the scene, where she marches into Egypt atop the Sphinx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                               Wouldn't I look fabulous, darlings???????????????????

Sunday, November 25, 2012

When The Poster Is Sometimes Better Than The Movie, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!

                             Girls, it all started with John  Gnagy and "Learn To Draw."  This was a famous 50's interactive TV show, where this flannel shirted, goatee-wearing artist type named John Gnagy, would teach viewers techniques for drawing.  He even went into such things as shading and depth.  I remember he once drew a picture of a tropical island, with a moon.  I tried to follow along, but, honeys, you should have seen the results!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Nevertheless, because of this show, whenever I was asked, back then, what i wanted to be, when I grew up, I would say with absolute certainty, "I want to be an artist!"  Meaning I wanted to draw and paint, like John Gnagy.

                                Not long after that, I discovered horror and monster movies, the magazine "Famous Monsters Of Filmland," and a new  ambition was born--I was going to be a movie poster artist.  Especially for this genre.  I would cut the ads out of the papers, save them in a shoebox, and try to draw them.  My inability to replicate proved I was never going to make it in this line of work.  But it demonstrated that I had an eye for a good poster, when I saw one.  Which brings us to "Reptilicus."

                                 This was an English-dubbed, Scandinavian-made film, about a giant prehistoric monster that ravages Copenhagen, Denmark. Its locale was about its only novelty.  When it was released to theaters, in 1962, its poster was so enticing, I just HAD to see this movie, because I just KNEW it was going to be SO scary.  And I learned an important part of movie poster art, especially for the genre--the poster was not a success, unless it featured a cowering, cleavage endowed, barefoot beauty.  This goes all the way back to Fay Wray in "King Kong," in 1933.  And wouldn't you know I wanted to be the helpless, barefoot beauty, at least in terms of acting it out??????   I practiced a lot, darlings, I can tell you!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Imagine MY horror, three years later, when I actually saw "Reptilicus" on TV!!!!!!!!
Though still prepubescent--i was around 10 or 11--I was smart enough then to spot a piece of crap, when I saw one.  "Reptilicus" looked like one of those paper Chinese things you put on your fingers--with a dragon's head, attached to it.  It spat this glop that looked SO artificial I thought it was painted onto the film.  But the terror--there was none!!!!!!!!  Because the film was SO poorly made, you could see all the sets were miniatures, and the monster no larger than a toy!!!!!!!  PLUS--there were times when--and there was no attempt at concealment, here--when you could see the monster was on a dolly, being hauled across the set by techies off screen, pulling it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  It was my first encounter with false advertising, or maybe the Art Of Advertising, because the poster was so enticing it made you want to see the movie!!!!!!!  And then, when you did---what a disaster!!!!!!!!!  From then on, I looked at movie posters for the genre carefully, and learned this rule of thumb--the better the poster, the worse the film!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   The only poster to  equal "Reptilicus," was the one for the 1957 film, "The Deadly Mantis!"  I just love those words--"THIS WAS THE DAY THAT ENGULFED THE WORLD IN TERROR!"  And the poster was SO busy, with a menacing insect advancing, two lovers clinging, and militia shooting away!!!!!!!  Again, it looked SO frightening and exciting, but when you see the finished product, all you get are shots of a real preying mantis up against microscopic slides, making artificially dubbed "Zzzzzzzz" noises, as it supposedly flies through the air!  And wait till you see it demolish the Washington Monument--what a hoot!  Especially when they keep saying it is headed for New York City--he probably could not get a room at  the Plaza, or tickets to "The Music Man," with Robert Preston and Barbara Cook!!!!!!   Then, for all this, it is destroyed in a climactic scene that, visually, at least, looks like it comes crashing through a car wash!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Ah, the days of the great movie posters!!!!!!!  And all I wanted was to be a part of it!!!!!!!!!  And so I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have immortalized it all, here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Wasn't Femme Fatale Friday Fun Last Night, Girls???????????

                                       I am telling you, you never such a group of such nasty bitches, as graced the TV screen last night.  They are only outdone by an all-male cast on Fire Island, performing "The Women" by Clare Booth Luce; I am telling you, you never saw such bitches!!!!!!!!!  Even if the Luce estate deems this illegal; believe me, girls, I know it has been done.  Just like Edward Albee's estate disallows all-male casts of "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?," for those who think it is really about two gay male couples.  Which, as one half of such, I think is a lot of hooey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       But such fun last night!  Though I have to say, maybe there is too much of a good thing!  Because, by the time we got to "Wives With Knives"--the title alone made me tingle with anticipation-- I was starting to nod out in bed!!!!!!!!  I glanced at the show, but could not tell you what it was about!

                                        However, "Facing Evil," a brand new program, is a hoot!  Hosted by Candice De Long, sporting a flip, almost bouffant retro Marlo Thomas as Ann Marie hair style--which you have GOT to see to believe--and a wardrobe that makes her look like a sack pf potatoes, this show was a hoot!!!!!!!!!!!
Candice, honey, since you are visiting women in prisons, you owe it to yourself to dress a little better.  Remember, these women have been deprived of the outside world for ages; don't you think they would like a little peek at what is going on now, in the world of fashion????????? As their conduit to that world, Candice, you owe it to yourself to spruce yourself up for these ladies!!!!!!!!!  Or non-ladies, as the case may be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                           The bottom line--Get your act together, Candice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            It was a big night for Candice, darlings, who also ushered in the new season of "Deadly Women," sporting that short, pixieish cut that makes her look as though she is auditioning for a community theater production of "Peter Pan," but, honestly, whom are we kidding????????  The theme of the show was "Mommy's Little Helpers," women who are mothers, but are too lazy or cowardly to do the murders they want to do themselves, so they get their teenage children to do it!  And the prize went to this Indiana woman, Hilma Marie Witte!!!!!!!!!!  Let's start with the name, Hilma!!!!!!!!  Who the hell ever heard of that????????? No wonder she turned out the way she did!!!!!!!!!  She had two sons, Eric, 16 and John. 14, who was nicknamed "Butch," but looked about as butch as when I go out for a night on the town!!!!!!!!

                                            Hilma's husband, Paul Witte, was real scum, if she is to be believed, abusing both she and the children!  She got Eric to shoot Daddy at point blank range, then arranged, with the help of both boys, to make it look like an accident.  Paul, I have to admit, looked and seemed like a sleazebag, but when all we have is psycho Hilma Marie's word, can anyone be sure???????  Bu, wait, it gets better!!!!!!!

                                            No one was ever charged with this death, because the accident claim was bought hook, line and sinker.  And if Hilma had played her cards right, she might never have been caught.  But get this--facing loss of their home, Paul's mother agrees to take in Hilma and the boys--her son's killers, darlings!, only she does not know it.  Things might have just gone hunky dory, if old Hilma  hadn't gotten greedy and started ripping off Elaine Witte's checks--forging the money for herself.  Elaine was no shrinking violet; she was one smart cookie!!!!!!! When she spotted discrepancies in her statement, she knew what was going on--and she ordered Hilma and the gang to leave!!!!!!!!!!  But Hilma had something else in mind.  Driving  her younger son, Johnny "Butch", to drink and drugs, she convinces him to murder his granny--whom he was fond of, and had no issues with--with his crossbow.  Which he does, while she is asleep, at close range, insuring a slow and agonizing death.  This was only three years since Paul Witte died, and once, Elaine kicked the bucket, police started poking around, and before you know it, Johnny (not so butch, darlings!!!!!!) cracked, spilled the beans, and got them all convicted!!!!!!!!!!!!  The boys got voluntary manslaughter, and prison with a time limit!!!!!!!!! But Hilma Marie got Life, and she ain't going nowhere!!!!!!!!!  Party's over, Hilma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Again, who would name a child Hilma??????  But it rhymes with Wilma, and in the next highlight, on "Facing Evil," Candice, with her Marlo Thomas redux hairstyle, interviews Shirley Jo Philips, a real piece of work, convicted of murdering her best friend, Wilma Plaster!!!!!!!!!!   How is that for a last name????????  Plaster!!!!!!!!!  Wilma sure liked to go out and get plastered; the two women, who lived in Missouri, liked to go out evenings to honky tonk places, where they would drink, dance, and listen to country music!!!!!!!!!  I mean, it's rural Missouri, what else is there to do????????  It seems the two women were genuine friends for a time, till things went sour, when Shirley accused Wilma of stealing from her.  Before you know it, Wilma vanished, and days later, pieces of her turned up in bags all over the place.  Evidence pointed to Shirley (who was convicted, given first Death, then Life!!!!!!!!) and suspicion pointed at Shirley's then (the murder happened in 1989!!!!!!!) thirty two year old son, Glenn.  Who was never charged with anything!!!!!!!!!!

                                              But get this!!!!!!!!!!!!  Five months before Wilma left this world, Shirley's own mother, whom she described as "hard and abusive," vanished, and was eventually found dismembered.  Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Looks like Shirley, or Glenn, or both, have a way with cutlery!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yet no one was charged in the mother's death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                Glenn, by now, must be around 55, and I can just picture him--a real lowlife, Philip Seymour Hoffman lookalike, sitting in his trailer in the trailer park, dressed in scrungy underwear, watching trash TV, and scarfing down Cheez Doodles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               And, girls, I am telling you, you just have to see Shirley Jo sitting there, smiling at Candice, like some New Age Granny, and lying through her teeth!!!!!!!!!  About everything!!!!!!!
She did not fool me one bit; I am telling you, if she is ever released (which I don't think will ever happen)  and you turn out to be neighbors to her--MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  However, I don't think Shirley is going anywhere!!!!!!!!!

                                                No wonder I could not keep up with "Wives With Knives," after all this excitement!!!!!!!!!!  I still think its title may be the best part of the show.  Kinda like "Vampire Lesbians Of Sodom!!!!!!!!!"

                                                  Remember the "Fall River Hoedown," from "New Faces Of 1954!?"  It says "You can't chop your Mother up in Massachusetts!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                    Well, darlings, if Shirley Jo is any indicator, in Oklahoma, you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!