Thursday, April 19, 2007

Dido Dido Didion

My Pets,

I was going to tell you to read Joan Didion's marvelous memoir "The Year of Magical Thinking," the clearest, most truthful assessment of that most painful of life experiences--losing a loved one. What makes the book even more wrenching is its chronicling daughter Quitanna's illness, which we the reader, unlike Joan at that point, know she too will lose. I am telling you, girls, this book gives me new respect for Joan, whose oeuvre I could take or leave. A little Joan always went a LONG way with me, and this book at 227 pgs is a little Joan, but it is succinct and richly textured in ways some of her other works are not.

But then so much has happened--the death of Kitty Carlisle--the end of an era, darlings!--I guess it is going to be up to me to keep the doyennes of New York City society going--a cancer scare from my doctor (I don't believe it!); let me tell you, darlings no one is getting my "Wizard of Oz" or "Song of Bernadette" DVDs just yet; the shootings in Virginia which only demonstrates America's propensity for refusing to learn any cultural lesssons taught it; wasn't Columbine enough, already?; my friend Tom's sensational act at NYC's Standup Comedy Club last night, and a future gig by the woman of my dreams, the legendary Arna Zucker, in Rhode Island on May 12. Darlings, how much more can I stand? When I said 2007 was going to be a year of drama, I was not kidding. And this from a drama queen too!

Not to mention, girls, the autobiography of my role model, Rue McClannahan,
"My First Five Husbands, And The Ones Who Got Away." Rue starts breezily off with "This book is about my life and experience and anyone who does not like it can jolly well lump it!" You tell them, Rue!

Sweeties I just don't know. World events are whirling faster than Courtney Love on speed that I just can't keep up. I need a man to hold me. I need Mel....I mean Ted. Stay tuned for future postings on my fabulous and dramatic life, plus I promise shortly to start posting my fiction.

Love you all, darlings!

Monday, April 16, 2007

How Did We Spend Our Weekend, Girls?

Did we create something? A red velvet cake? A puff pastry? Did we shop for shoes at Neiman Marcus? I mean, what else is a bad weather weekend for.

Over such weekend I finished "The Inheritance of Loss" by Kiran Desai. Let me tell you that for all the attendant hoopla--the front page of the New York Times Book Review, the 2006 Man Booker Prize--I found it 357 pages of skillful writing that should have emerged as a transporting reading experience, but did not. Why? Because the author is painting a large canvass on too small a palette. The novel is about conflicts and coutner conflicts--among the nation, among the characters--with very few plot threads satisfactorily resolved. Desai goes so far as to reference M.M. Kaye's "The Far Pavillions," and while she aims substanially higher for literary content than that massive tome, Kaye's book, for all its grandiosity is in the end more satisfying. Not to mention Desai's book is relentelessly downbeat, so that the quasi affirmative ending falls flat in comparison with the rest of the book. Nonetheless Desai's writing talent and emotional truthfulness is unmistakable; if she can overcome her flawed techniques she may produce a book worthy of all the awards this one has been given.

Have a good day, girls!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Girls, I Am Telling You....

.....what a weekend it has been! Friday evening started out with a visit to the TKTS booth where Vincent and I got tkts for "Grey Gardens," preceded by a fabulous meal at that theatrical mecca the Edison Coffee Shop, known to theaterfolk and Neil Simon lovers as the Polish Tearoom! We both had their signature matzoh ball soup--great on a cold night--followed by their tuna salad on toast with a diet coke--the perfect meal for two old maids!!!!
And speaking of old maids, how about "Grey Gardens." Well, the Misses Ebersole and Wilson transcend the material they are given, which starts out with a totally unecessary first act that is pure and contrived ersatz Noel Coward. I mean, who gives a shit about Jackie and Lee as little girls? Then we get into a real show with real performances in Act Two, with a few lovely numbers and two breathtaking theatrical portrayals. But, girls, I say if you want to see "Grey Gardens," second act it, because that is the real show, not what comes before. It is like the reverse of "Sunday In The Park With George," where they should have stopped at Act One; both musicals only offer HALF a show. So instead of paying half price, Vincent and I should have paid quarter price!!!!!!

The next day I was thinking of my friend Tom, my cherub, and how he said the show reminded him of his mother! Just then the phone rang, and it was Tom, no less, who was off to an excursion to our South Jersey friends Bill and Steven (you vicious queen!!!!) and would I care to join him. Off we went on a magical excursion through nostalgic ridden suburban Jersey, to a street straight out of "Leave It To Beaver." The house, girls, was FABULOUS!!! I could not get over the yellow bathroom curtains!!!!! We had dinner at Paulie and Anna Rose, the most charming country estate made into a restaurant I have sat in for ages. Our waitress, Diana, with her Dolce and Gabana perfume, knew the score when it came to us and we not only got delicious appetizers--fried calamari plus sausage and peppers in cheese with broccoli rabe, meals to die for and desert a coffee---we got a free after dinner drink! Yes, sir, the Golden Girls were riding high and I was Rue McClanahan!!! By the time I got back to the city you can bet I slept good last night!!

But now girls I must be off to my engagements on Sunday, after straightening up the house, paying bills, doing my Jennifer Jones beauty regimen--all the things us girls have to do to get us through the day!

Kisses, my sweets!!!!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Almost Through, Girls

Well, Darlings, it has been quite a day and looks like quite a night. I am headed down to the TKTS booth to try and see something--hopefully "Grey Gardens," though who knows how things will turn out. Accompanied by my friend Vincent, who is very sweet; I help him while crossing the street. As for the day it was sand through the hourglass, with the voice of MacDonald Carey playing in my head. Let's hope the weekend bears promise, because girls, I am telling you I have got to get a husband!!!!! I want to be a Desperate Housewife!!! I want to be one of The Ladies Who Lunch. In the meantime I have to cope with daily hassles like subway selfishness of socail trash that I am forced to ride the train with; but in Queens what else can you expect? It's not like higher echelon types dwell there.
But maybe this weekend the fiction will start appearing, which will give you something to read beside my raving. Meanwhile time to get going. I love you, my darlings!

Take care of yourselves, my pets!

Happy Friday The 13th

"Kill her, Mommy, kill her. Don't let her live."
I won't, Jason; I won't."
Get her, Mommy, get her. She can't hide. NO place to hide.
Kill her, Mommy, KILL her, KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!!"
---Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees in "Friday The 13th" (1980)

Good Morning, Darlings!
How are all my girls this morning? Let's face it, isn't this better than coffee with Katie? Now Katie may have been America's Sweetheart, but, angels, let's face it I am America's bitch, and this is what America needs!!!! But I am a lovable bitch. After all the milk of human kindness flows in my veins. And if it is one thing I have it is a maternal heart. Room enough in it for all God's creatures!!!!
I am telling you, girls, what a night I had last night!!! Do you know what it is like being one of the sole members of your book group with any sense of literary distinction and taste? Last night I had to wonder how many brains there were in the room, for all that they liked "The Passion" by Jeanette Winterson!!!!! Are we yet ready for Barbara Cartland, sweeties??????
And to switch the subject for a moment, girls, what about Jake and Reese???
I mean, he could have anyone he wants; he could do so much better than thanwhite trash divorcee!!!!! How about me, for starters???? I hear Jake is a real family man, wants someone to take care of and take care of him. I just want to say Jake, honey, look no farther than here.
But then as Sylvia Barrett says it is FTG (Friday, Thank God) which means I must bid all a fond adieu and return to teh enslavement of my livelihood!!!!!

Hugs and kisses girls!!!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Quiiiiiiiiiiting Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, girls, it's time to call it a day. I don't know about you but my girdle and heels are killing me. I can't wait to get home and get them off, but first I have to dash down to the Center in the Village where my book group will be attempting to discuss "The Passion" by Jeanette Winterson. Who knows who will turn out for this turkey, because after the last Winterson people swore her off like a bad case of clamydia. Which I happened to overhear some people in a restuaruant last eve discussing. Can you believe it? I mean, what has the world come to that STDs are respectable dinner conversation. Who knows which one of them may have had it?
Anyway, sweets, tonight should be interesting as at least I will get there in time to nominate something brilliant and appropriate, worthy not only of the group's but my superior tastes. We will just have to see what transpires. Meanwhile, chicklets, stay tuned for essays and fiction in the near future and remember what Marilyn Monroe said,
"Square cut or pearl shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape."

Ta Ta, Darlings!

Hi, Girls

Greetings, Girls!
This is my blog which will demonstrate not only how fabulous I am but will welcome comments from others debating the merits of my fabulousness. But I tell you, darlings, do you think it is easy being this fabuous???? It doesn't even guarantee you a hair appointment. And forget about a manicure!!!

It will also include exciting features like fiction and articles of note I have written, so editors and agents out there if you are looking for the next Jonathan Safran Foer or Joshua Ferris, look no further. Though at 52 (my professional age being twenty four ) that hardly qualifies me as young. Up and coming, yes but not young.

And so we are launched darlings, wish me a successful voyage !

Kisses, girls!