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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

If Orson Welles Were Alive Today, THIS Is The Movie He Would Have Made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                              Even if Orson made this film, it would not be as nearly artistic as 'Kane' was.  The title character in that film had a modicum of taste; Trump hasn't any.

                                The film would have to shot in color. There would be no Bernard Herrmann music, no tracking shot of a "No Trespassing"  sign, and then into Xanadu.

                                 No, it would open silently, with sunlight blinding the lens of a screen.  The sounds of splashing and women's screams would permeate the soundtrack, as the camera fades in to the interior of an aquacade which is part of a tasteless, Florida estate.  Grottoes and lagoons decorate each corner; gaudy as all get out. The camera is awash with boobed, bimbo beach babes.  This is "Citizen Trump?" What more could one expect?

                                The music would turn raucous and discordant, to the point of being annoying. Over the track, the camera closes in to the title character, trunked, bare chested and ugly, swarmed with babes, all there for his power, not his looks.  He looks into the camera and starts speaking away.
He is interrupted by a head shot of Ivana, who proceeds to tell her version of Donald. Then Marla Maples steps in. And soon, like a non-musical "Nine," every woman in Trump's life will step forth to testify, and recreate, what a detestable, capitalist sex pig he is.

                                   Can an artistic film be done about a capitalistic, sex pig?   Not with who is around today; but bring back Welles, Kazan or Robert Altman, and it would be fascinating to see what the potential would be.

                                      A film to help people not elect a dictatorial idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Keenan-Bolger Is The Toast Of The Town, This Morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                             "Tuck Everlasting" opened last night, at the Broadhurst Theatre, and I am so sorry I was not there last night. But I wouldn't miss this,not with Andrew and Carolee!!!!!!!!!  Plus the young girl, who I hear is amazing!

                                  I am sure Celia and Family were there last night to cheer Andrew on.  He could be a TONY Nominee this season, and I certainly hope he is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Was he up for "Newsies?"  I cannot recall.)

                                   So, congrats, Andrew on your triumph.  I look forward to seeing this charming show, with your endearing presence!

                                     And here is Andrew, a filmmaker, as well as children's book writer, giving us a look backstage, at the show!  Rock on, Andrew!

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Another Satisfying Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                       With Saturday, and one third of the year having gone by then, it is safe to say for me, that, in terms of reading, this has been the Year Of The Panorama.  I have read more epic books in this year, in an effort to clear space, than before.  It is fascinating to note, that, while I am not a devote of Indian culture, it is amazing the number of Indian authors and novels about that country I have read.

                                         And now there is "A Fine Balance."

                                         Two men, an uncle and nephew, from a nearby village, come from provinces to establish themselves as tailors in a city.  As does Makem, a young man beginning his college career. They take up residence in the home of a woman they come to say Dinta Auntie, and the stage is set for their social, sexual, and political travails.

                                            Mr. Mistry writes well, and keeps his characters in focus superbly.  This is his second novel, and his largest, and he paints well on a large canvass. I was compelled by the plot and characters, and I have to confess the ending upset me; not only because I wanted the story to keep on going, but because it comes to an end with a jolt--like a car crashing into the tree.

                                               After this, one will need something fun, to cleanse the palette.  But "A Fine Balance" is a fine literary experience, that those seeking such cannot afford to miss.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Oh, My God, Darlings, I Need Miracle Gel, By Sally Hansen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                             I just can't get 'Tippi' Hedren off the brain.  And if I am going to succeed as a socialite, my make-up had better be as perfectly appliqued as 'Tiippi's.'

                             I keel seeing these ads for Miracle Gel, by Sally Hansen, all in the most luscious of colors, but look at this shade of red.  Just like 'Tippi,' and perfect for me, and some of my outfits. Especially if I can get someone to replicate that fur coat of 'Tippi's,' which I have always wanted to wear.

                              I mean, why should women be the only ones to paint their nails?  No, I am not going tranny, girls, I don't have the figure for it!  But, really, all this color and glamour.  In the peacock family, the male gets it all.

                                Why can't humans learn something from peacocks?????????????????

How Did This Little Girl Fall Through The Cracks??????????????????


                                  Who is this little girl???????  If you, my readers, were to say Patty McCormack, you would be wrong in identification, but right in assumption.  Indeed, when I saw this child for the first time, in my teens, back in the Seventies, I too thought it was Patty.  But this child looks about the same age when Patty made "The Bad Seed," and this story was shot several years after that, so Patty still could not look this way; she would be older, taller and more physically mature.

                                       This is Terry Burnham, born in 1949, (Patty was born in 1945) and who died tragically in obscurity and poverty. Her birth date was August 8, 1949, and she died on October 7, 1949 from a combination cardiac arrest, hypertension, diabetes, and depression. She was only 54 years old. What she did when she outgrew the business is not known.  Which is sad, because, as sad as Bobby Driscoll's story was, at least it was known--eventually.  Not much is known about Terry.

                                         She left two memorable legacies.  The above is her best--her performance as "Markie," the childhood self in the "Twilight Zone" episode, "Nightmare As A Child," first aired in 1961.  It should be seen.  It involves the consequences of blocked memory, and when that memory suddenly comes back.  Terry is brilliant in it.

                                          Two years before that, in 1959, she played Susan Meredith, as a child, aged 6, in the Lana Turner "Imitation Of Life," directed by Douglas Sirk.  No actor knows how their career will turn out, or if it will, but at least Terry left behind two admirable gems of work.  Though I am sure she did not know they would become such, at the time of filming.

                                            Now, many of us know the tragedies of such ex-child stars as Dana Plato, Anissa Jones, and Trent Lehman.  They are very well known.  But how come Terry fell through the cracks.

                                              Even more, what about that organization "A Minor Concern," created by Paul Petersen, to help ex-child actors.  Why couldn't they have done something for Terry?

                                                 She may be a footnote in show business, but she was someone's daughter, and she left behind two performances I would be proud to call my own--if I had any of my own!

                                                  Here, watch "Nightmare As A Child," and see how wonderful Terry was!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Why didn't someone help her?

Hey, We Can't Forget BARBRA, Can We??????????????


                                        Yesterday, for those in the know, was BABS' birthday. She turned 74, and let me tell you, she is looking and sounding it!  She thinks she is going to do "Gypsy?"  That is a pipe dream that has sailed, darlings.

                                           Still the natal day of La Strident cannot be forgotten.  While Ms. S scarfed down coffee ice cream, I expect Mr. Brolin  did his annual spousal duty, munching on....oh, I can't talk about !  Brave man, that James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             Once a time, BARBRA was something.  Listen to this early, 1961 recording of "A Sleepin' Bee."  I still have that voice right now, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               So, Happy Birthday, BARBRA!  And please don't make a fool of yourself, with "Gypsy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Friday, April 22, 2016

What Does A Socialite Do On Friday???????????????????


                                               "Fridays? They're free. I sometimes go to
                                                  bird shops on Friday."
                                               --'Tippi' Hedren, as Melanie Daniels in "The Birds"
               
         
                                          Today happens to be Friday, and I am free, girls, so as soon as I get all dolled up, in my power outfit, and hair, like 'Tippi,' I am going out to be a socialite.  Unlike Melanie, I frequent book shops, rather than bird shops, and if someone wants to whistle at me, go ahead!!!!!!!!!!  

                                           Breezy and carefree, just like Melanie.  No cares, nothing to do about shop, and maybe treat myself to an ice cream soda!  If only I could have one, and look like this!

                                             Don't underestimate us socialites.  We are tough gals!  Look how much 'Tippi' had to take both on the set of "The Birds"--and even more off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                               Nevertheless, she has always been my socialite role model!  So, now dears, I must go out, and be one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                      

It's Time To Talk, Hillary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                           Darlings, I am so happy that Hillary took the Democratic New York primary!  You know, I just love her!  Because a win for Hillary also means more exposure to her best representative--Kate McKinnon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                           But, Hill, it is time  to talk, so sit down, girl, and listen!

                           At one moment, in "The Bad Seed," Mrs. Daigle (played so memorably by Eileen Heckart) says to Mrs. Penmark, (Nancy Kelly, giving the greatest hysterical performance in film history!!!!!!) "Say, you're looking kind of sick and sloppy?  Why don't you come to the shop, and I'll give you a free beauty treatment?"  Or, words to that effect.

                          Well, Hill, these are words you had better listen to.  Because NOW you have to buckle down!  Now, if you want to get the Gay vote, you had better learn to dress and style better.  Even if you have to go to a gym to do it.

                             Think in terms of 'Tippi Hedren' as Melanie Daniels in "The Birds."  Whether or not you are a natural blonde, it does not matter.  What matters is if you go into this campaign with the way you look now, you are going back to those frumpy looking pictures I have seen of you in college, where you look like, if you just pulled your hair up, you could land the role of Agnes Gooch in an undergraduate production of "MAME."   You really don't want that, do you?  And neither do voters!  Maybe you should take a cue from Helen Lawson, and hang out with some fags!!!!!!!!!!  You already had to do SOME work, in order to bag Bill!  That Gooch thing would not have worked for him!!!!!!!!!!!  Monica nay have been a porker, but she knew how to make herself attractive!!!!!!!!!!!

                               If you don't believe me, have a talk with Kate!   Preferably on SNL!!!!!!!!!  She will tell you!

                               American Gays will not tolerate a non-glamorous female President!  I mean, they almost came close, with Jackie Kennedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 So, get to work Hill!!!!!!!!!!  Consult some gay stylists and designers!

                                  We want you, NOT Donald Dump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't This Just The Perfect Poster For "Pecked--The Birds Musical???????????????"


                                 This is my new pet project, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!  I love the shot, because it suggests exactly the right atmosphere, yet it is not directly from the Hitchcock film.   Which, by the way, I watched last night, with some impressive and hilarious results.  It inspired me to go on with this idea, so here is what I have come up with, so far.

                                  Julie Taymor needs a job.  So, I want her, not to direct--get that idea out of your head, Jules!!!!!!!!--but to mastermind the bird effects and attacks on stage.

                                    The opening will have Melanie walking across the street to the pet shop, where, in front of, she will sing a jaunty number, which she will dance to, called "Just A Poor, Misunderstood, San Francisco Socialite."

                                     Mitch's neighbor, played in the movie by Richard Deacon, will sing "How Gay Were The Gay Nineties?" to Melanie, before he departs for his weekend!

                                       After that, things get a little sketchy.

                                       When Melanie drives away from Annie's house, Annie sings, "I Guess That's Where Everyone Meets Mitch," lamenting her fate, musing she ought to have been a lesbian, as that is how most people view her, anyway.

                                        Melanie and Mitch have a duet about her Roman escapade called "Roman Splashdown!"

                                         Lydia is a cold, frigid bitch.  She deserves a number.  Either after the first house attack, or when she lashes out at Mitch.  Actually, she could do the number after the first attack, and a reprise later, when she lashes out.  Call it "Lydia's Lament."

                                         The School Attack will be a big ensemble song and dance number.  Call it "Bird Brains."

                                         The Tides patrons should get their own number, incorporating all their anxieties.   I know it is not good to follow an ensemble number with another, but here it is needed.  Call it (tentatively, at least!) "Purists At The Tides!"

                                          It goes without saying that the Hysterical Mother gets a number.  This was the character played so memorably by Doreen Lang!!!!!!!  What else could it be called other than "I Think You're Evil!????????????"

                                            When Mitch and Melanie pick up Cathy at the school, and get her into the car, her recounting is a mounting, hysterical musical number, called "Cathy's Aria."

                                                As they leave the house, and Cathy brings the lovebirds, caged, she sings a song of trust, called "What Is It With These Lovebirds??????????"

                                                 Of course, there has to be a Finale.  Well, there is!  As the car drives off, the birds suddenly, through superb sound achievement, sing a song about why they are striking out against humanity.

                                                  It is called "The Birds Turn."

                                                  A few more things.  Casting will rotate, so both women and men can play Melanie and Annie!  As women I see Celia Keenan-Bolger for Melanie (though Kristen Chenoweth has been mentioned) and Jessie Mueller for Annie.  How about Victoria Clark for Lydia??????????

                                                   Of course, I want to play both Melanie and Annie, and will on certain nights.

                                                     Who could direct this?  Charles Busch?  Lonny Price?  Jack O'Brien??
Jerry Zaks????????  NOT John Doyle!!!!!!!!!  He will have the birds played in costume by orchestra performers!  No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         So, girls, if you like this idea, let me know.  Hell, anyone out there want to collaborate, tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                           It could either be a hit, or the greatest Ponzi scheme since "The Producers."

                                     

I Saw A Real, Live Prostitute, At The Joyce Kilmer Rest Stop Last Sunday, Not Far From My Hometown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                        The things we do for love--and how they sometimes come back to bite us!!!!!  Several Sundays ago, I went with my beloved to the Film Forum, to see this documentary about Hannah Arendt.  I winced, having been led to believe it was three hours!  It was only two hours and five minutes, but  it felt like three! Oh, my God!  It was brilliantly made, but it was like a dose of Ayn Rand, mixed with Joan Didion!  I had to go home, and take to my bed, after that.

                                         Well, last weekend, we took an L and M Bus Tour to Philadelphia, City Of Brotherly Love, to see the Barnes Museum.  We rode in what amounted to a travelling van, with people like this charming woman from the Actors Temple, and a woman named Hazel, (Come on, now, Baby Boomers, sing--"Who's the gal that's everybody's pal?  It's Hazel!!!!!!!!!!!!!") who was no Shirley Booth, and had to be one of the top kvetches I have ever encountered.

                                           We had a delicious lunch at this nautical themed restaurant called the Positano Coast!. It was charming and sophisticated, though some of the oldsters seemed put out by it.  You see, darlings, often when Monsieur and I go on these trips, we are the youngest travelers.  If this is what retirement looks like, I might have to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              The saving grace of the Barnes is that it is in an interesting part of town.  The collection it houses is fabulous, but the layout encourages sensory overload.  And the interior of the building is genuinely ugly.  After well over an hour there, we went out, and roamed the neighborhood.  We started to walk toward a construction ridden area that made me fear we were going into Kensington.  You  want to see prostitutes?  That is where you go.  I learned this from "Churchgoing People," on "Cold Case."

                                               Of course, since it was open, we walked into the public library.  The place was beautifully designed, the collections logically organized, but the staff looked as dour as any other library I have seen.  There was a beautiful walled diorama display exhibit of the Grimm Brothers and their stories that I thought was outstanding.  Bur either there is no air conditioning, (All right, Theater Queens!--"It's ninety degrees!  Have mercy, John, please!  It's hot as Hell, in Philadelphia!") or it simply was not on.  The entrance door was wide open beckoning, which led us to go in.

                                                 Down the street was an affiliated business called the Book Corner.  But it was closed.  Too bad, because I would have walked out of there full handed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                 There was a Starbucks, but it was jammed--just like in New York!!!!!!!--so we ended up in the dining section of Whole Foods, drinking coffee, and munching on a cookie.  It was almost time to go back to the bus, and we had to use the bathroom, as there was not one on the bus!!!!!!
Well, when I came out this woman waiting glared at me, as she went in, and slammed the door!  I mean, I had to pee!  And I am over 60!  Cut me some slack lady!!!!!!!!!!!!  So much for this "Brotherly Love" jazz!!!!!!!!!!!!  Where is Kevin Bacon, when he is needed???????????

                                                    I hate to say the prostitute was the highlight, but, in a manner of speaking, she was.  We went to the rest stop to do what was needed, and when we came out, I saw her standing by the trucks.  I pointed, and we both agreed that's what she was up to.  In fact, we saw her hook up with one of the truckers, go in for a bite, then go back to his truck.  Uhm hmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Prostitutes near my hometown?  How could this happen?  The sad fact is, it probably was, all through my growing up years, but what did I know???????????

                                                      I knew something now.  I knew that if this gal wanted to make it in this business, she would have to dress better than that.  I mean, it takes a gay man, to dress a hooker!  Even with what I had on, if I had stood at the other corner of the truck stop, you can bet I would have gotten more action.  Not that I was looking for any, or ever have--at a truck stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       But, if I were. here is what I would have worn.  A flaming red wig, reminiscent of Belle Watling, a gold lame sleeveless blouse, a short pink skirt, with white stars, black fishnet stockings, and matching pink Joan Crawford "Fuck Me" pumps!!!!!!!!!!!!  Now that is how to dress!!!!!!!!
Almost as cute as Reese Witherspoon in "Freeway."

                                                         It's tough out there, hons!  Even in the World's Oldest Profession, you've got to look your best!

                                                          In a way, it was the perfect ending to a perfect day.  And it had theatrical importance.  Remember the line in "1776" about "going whoring in New Brunswick?"

                                                            See you soon, Philly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                         

Thursday, April 21, 2016

If I Thought It Would Make Me Look This Glamorous And Sophisticated, I Might Have Smoked, Too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                              When it comes to smoking on the screen, no two did it better than Suzanne Pleshette and 'Tippi' Hedren, in "The Birds."  Of course, with that green two piece outfit and fur coat, 'Tippi' made an art of the whole thing, while Suzanne made it an emotional balm. Especially with a glass of wine or sherry, by her side. Bet Annie Hayworth, a native Californian, had she lived, would have gone on to read Joan Didion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                Of course, the mess that comes with smoking is not seen, so it is glamourized all the more.  And it is something I have seen, what with lung cancer in the family, and my poor mother passing away from it.  If I were to even attempt the smoking of 'Tippi' I am convinced my mother would appear from the Beyond and wring my neck!  I guess I would not blame her.

                                 Remember those awful candy cigarettes they had when some of us were children?  Imagine, teaching kids to smoke!  They were so tacky and cheap, I never liked them. But, there were these chocolate ones, covered in paper to look more real--which they did--and were sold in a rather elegant looking case.  Of course, darlings, you know I preferred that, but now you can't even get those anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Otherwise I might go about the country, in a green two piece and fur coat, being photographed in front of school yards, with jungle gyms behind me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Just a thought, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Bitch Places Me In Something Of A Literary Dilemma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                  Curtis Sittenfeld is a New York Times literary darling.  I have read two of her books, "Prep" and "American Wife," both of which were highly readable, both of which garnered a lot of literary attention at the time, then just faded quietly away.

                                     And she has read two other books I never read, but am going to have to--"The Man Of My Dreams," and "Sisterhood."

                                       I think she is desperate to be the next Donna Tartt, but there is no hope for that.

                                        But none of this is what makes Curtis Sittenfeld the winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award.  It is her current book that has done that.

                                          Miss Sittenfeld has joined the group of hangers-on trying to ride on the esteemed coattails of Jane Austen. It is actually called The Austen Project, which is why we have zombies, and the like.

                                             "Eligibility," her latest book, is an update of "Pride And Prejudice," set in Cincinnati.  Like, who cares?  And how is the whole Lydia thing going to be handled?  Is she going to be reduced to some high school slut??????????

                                                 The sad thing is, since I have been following Sittenfeld, I am going to have to read it.  The good thing is I know, once finished, it will send me straight back to "Pride And Prejudice," which will be pure pleasure.

                                                    Oh, yes, Curtis has already been attacked for being "no Jane Austen." But don't place all the blame on her; neither are the other writers doing this, and who is masterminding this project?  That is the person who should be gone after!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Jane Austen should come up from the ground, and slap him or her silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Baby Gojira Endorses His Patriarch's Coffee Mug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                                   It's about time that lovable reptile, Gojira, had his own merchandise. Who among us would not want to own a Gojira coffee mug?  It is the best protection around--like having coffee and kicking back, with Gojira!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    Baby Gojira agreed to advertise it to all on here.  He wants everyone to support Gojira, and his charities, by purchasing this special mug.  I am sure it can be found online.

                                     This gives Baby Gojra a jolt each morning. So, he is ready to go "Wo wo wo wo wo wo!!!!!!!!!"

                                       Help Gojira out, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am "Birds" Brained These Days, Darlings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                                            " Melanie: Wait! Close that door! Quickly!
                                               Annie: What?
                                              Melanie: Please!
                                              Annie (closes door): What is it?
                                             Melanie (both at window): Look!
                                               We've got to get the children out of here!"
                                             --'Tippi' Hedren and Suzanne Pleshette, in
                                                Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" (1963)


                                        Every so often, "The Birds" surfaces.  The desire to walk across Union Street in San Francisco, like 'Tippi' Hedren at the opening, in my black suit and heels, will not let up.
Though sometimes, the actor/actress in me yearns for the role of Annie Hayworth.


                                         Now, I have come up with a great idea.  A musical adaptation of "The Birds!!!!!!!"  It would be called "Pecked!," not to be confused with John Waters' film, "Pecker."

                                          Just think the numbers that could be written for Melanie and Annie.  A duet for each of them, with Mitch.  A child's number for Cathy.  The school attack could be the big set piece dance number.  And how about the hysterical mother.

                                            I would love to see it done in drag, though Celia and Jessie could certainly do it!!!!!!!!  How about Patti Lu Pone for Lydia???????  Oh, my God, it would be a scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                             And where would it play? Why, the Winter Garden! After being inhabited by "Cats" for decades, it is time "Pecked" had its turn!

                                              "Cathy's Aria!!!!!!!!!!"  See what career hysteria looks like?

                                              And what a kids' cattle call this show will have!  Bigger than "Annie!"





Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Warmth Of Jessie Mueller Allows "Waitress" To Let Its Audience Bask In A Transcendent Glow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                                      There is no way to recreate the transcendence of a theatrical experience.  You just have to be there.

                                         On Friday night, at 8PM, the curtain wait up on "Waitress."  The house lights went down, and a circle of light appeared onstage, seemingly empty.  Suddenly, lit, in the center of that circle, stood Jessie Mueller.  She hadn't made a move or a sound.

                                           And the audience went wild.

                                          But Jessie did not just bask in the glow.  She took center and sent out into the stratosphere that phenomenal voice that can pierce one to the very soul.  Whatever "Waitress" may turn out to be, Jessie lets audiences up front know she will see they are in good hands.

                                           Which she does.

                                             The big surprise of the evening is that "Waitress" is not just Jessie.  The supporting cast that surrounds her is up to her level, and each gets a moment of their own.  Chris Fitzgerald, so good as Og in "Finian's Rainbow," gets a show stopping number in Act One.  And everyone shines.

                                              I was surprisingly moved by the level of the story--a young woman from an unstable home, marrying too young, and finding an outlet with her mother in pie making, and the naming thereof.  She channels that skill into a career, while the marriage goes sour. And while Nick Cordero has the almost thankless job of playing abusive husband, Earl, there is a duet that he and Jessie have, that makes it clear Earl loves Jenna (Jessie's character) but does not know how. Not all crumbling relationships have this insight, but, in its own quiet way, this was a daring move, on the part of Sara Bareilles and Diane Paulus, who, with this show, may get off the Island Of Lost Directors that Julie Taymor is still stuck on.

                                               With Kimiko Glenn as Dawn, and her showstopping turn, and Keala Settle as co-worker Becky, I see potential for a lot of TONY nominations here.   Jessie, without a doubt!  I also found Dakin Matthews' performance as Joe lovely and engaging, when it finally went somewhere in the second act.

                                                  I walked out of this show craving two things--a piece of cherry pie, and another evening with Jessie Mueller. As long as "Waitress" runs, I can have my fix!  As can the rest of us who adore Jessie!  I know you are out there!

                                                   A viewer just wants to sit on that diner stage as part of the action.  But, like I said, Jessie's glow permeates far beyond the proscenium and into the hearts of every audience member.  I cried real tears, when she sang "She Used To Be Mine," sure to become one of Jessie's signature tunes.

                                                   In short, I was captivated, darlings, and you will be, too!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    Keep going, Jessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 18, 2016

This Story Should Have Been Titled "Single White She-Male!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                               The episode, "There's Something About Mary Lynn," on last week's "Obsession: Dark Desires" take the prize for the season.  It is up there with Karen and Carlo from last season, and the episode between Amy and the Fat Lesbian on the first season.

                                Poor May Lynn Witherspoon (no relation to Reese, I think) had no idea what she was getting herself into.  How could she?

                                You see, following her divorce, Mary Lynn became a social fixture at church and other functions in her beloved Charleston, South Carolina.  Eventually, into her life walked Edmonds Brown III, scion of one of the town's most prominent families. But there were cracks in the wall.
Each parent had two children; Mary Lynn had two daughter, while Edmonds had an heir, a son, aged 10, in 1981, who was called Tennent.  There was also Molly, aged 10, who could not get along with Mary Lynn's daughter, Jane.  Molly was constantly jealous of Jane.

                                   The couple coasted along, Edmonds proposed several times, but Mary Lynn always backed off.  Of course, eventually, she came to realize there was something uneasy about his children that made her feel uncomfortable joining the families.

                                     Aside from the Molly-Jane rivalry, Tennent was obsessed with Mary Lynn.  He would stare for hours at her, and by aged 12, became a danger, trying to drown Jane in a pool one time.  Things got even stranger.  Mary Lynn began noticing her underwear missing.  I thought, aha, the kid's in puberty, and already he has developed a sexual fetish.  But it went way beyond that, when Mary Lynn caught Tennent in her room, dressed in one of her dresses, and putting on make-up.  Was he going Norman Bates, perhaps?????????????/

                                      Eventually, the relationship between Mary Lynn and Edmonds broke up, and that was the end of that. Or so she thought.  Tennent came around to stare at her...just stare. He did not do well as an adult; eventually doing time in prisons.  Upon release, he began stalking Mary Lynn, trying to get back into her life.

                                        What was most unusual was the obsession did not seems so much sexual as personal. Just as Jennifer Jason Leigh's character of Hedy wanted to be Bridget Fonda's character of Ally in the 1992 film, "Single White Female," so Tennent wished to become Mary Lynn.

                                          All this exploded the night of November 15, 2003, when Tennent, a man in his Thirties, broke into Mary Lynn's house, raped and murdered her.

                                           This is when the viewer learns that the person they thought watching was Mary Lynn having survived Tennent--was in fact an actress.  This was a departure for the format, because Mary Lynn did not survive her ordeal.  Her sister picks up the story from there.

                                             Tennent is where he needs to be--in prison for life.

                                              What I cannot grasp, which programs like this don't often explain is--
what was the nature of Brown's divorce. It was said his wife left him?   Why? Did she sense something in her children?  And why didn't Edmonds do something about Tennnet, after the swimming pool incident, which was as clear a red flag as I have ever seen??????????

                                                  Maybe it was his inability to see these things that cost him his first marriage, and a potential second.  But what ever happened to the biological mother? Was there some family mental instability not known about?  The story sure hinted at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                    But Tennent's story is top prize this season. What he needs is a VOGUE subscription, and a sit down with ANNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                      Who will be tougher than any prison warden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See How Excited Baby Gojira Is??????????????????


                               No, this is not OUR Baby Gojira, but, as you can see, he gets around. He just wants to share the excitement of Spring, the thrill of seeing Chloe, our stunning golden retriever neighbor, not to mention her owner, Liz, and to remind everyone he loves you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                I know I will get plenty of support from Gojira, and Baby Gojira, when my colonoscopy time comes up, and, girls, it is looming!  Pray to Bernadette and Jacinta on that day!

                                 Speaking of Bernadette, Friday was her Feast Day, the day she died in 1879, and when she became a saint, 54 years later, in 1933.

                                  Baby Gojira sends his love to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   Right now, he's gonna have some homemade egg custard!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Hayley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                               Yes, darlings, it is the day we all cannot believe. Hayley Mills, icon of the Baby Boomer generation, and many a straight man's first crush, today turns 70!!!!!!!!  70!!!!!!!!!!!   When we were growing up with Hayley, the idea of 70 was inconceivable to any of us, and it meant sitting in a rocking with knitting, like the old lady who flies by Dorothy inside the house, during the twister in "The Wizard Of Oz."

                                  Hayley, for all I know, may be taking up handcraft, but she is not about to sit in any rocking chair.  She looks fabulous, as can be seen; may we all look this good at 70!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   As for me, I love the legacy she leaves with us, the inspiration she brings to me in the present, like a gift that keeps on giving.

                                    Have whatever you want today, Hayley! Have a cup of tea on me--put in whatever you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      I can think of no better birthday tribute to Hayley Mills than by closing with my favorite comfort song of hers.  If you've been on here awhile, readers, you have heard it, but in honor of Hayley, another hearing cannot do harm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Goodness!!!!!!!!!!! Is Gojira Stepping In For Ken Watanabe In "The King And I?????????????????"


                           Personally, darlings, I would love to see that!  And I know Gojira, who is so lovable, and talented, would really love to do the role; wouldn't he look handsome in the King's red vest?  And I know both Kelli and Marin would love to have him as their leading man.

                             But he and Ken have bigger fish to fry. They are already promoting the hot film of this summer, "Godzilla Resurgence."  It is being made by original distributor, TOHO, so I am sure there will be a visit to Japan in  it, but who know, if anywhere else?

                              Because of TOHO, the writers want Gojira to be mean!  He has agreed, but wants his fans to know he loves them all, especially the children, that it is just an acting job, that some of his earnings get turned over to the Sisters Of Mercy, and that he loves hugging the children.

                                 I hear he and MERYL went for drinks, and had some real laughs.

                                 And I hear when the cameras stop, Gojira takes the cast out for drinks and eats, on his dime, and they all have a grand time, laughing it up.

                                   He wants you to enjoy the film. But not be frightened.

                                    He is only doing what he was contracted to do.

                               See how much he loves the children?  Now, who could be afraid of him?
                               
                                Gojira is a first rate actor, and the film's star. Which is why he is being paid more than the human actors.  Who wants to see them?  We want to see our hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  This Summer, I will be cheering you on, Gojira!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                    

Celia, Darling, Tell Us Where Do You Get Your Hair Done???????????????


                                           Girls, I simply cannot get enough of the fabulous Celia Keenan-Bolger. One reason, besides her acting technique, which I would love to learn, is her hair.  All those Keenan-Bolgers have great hair, but Celia's is especially outstanding--thick, luminous and rich, whether she wears it long, or slightly shorter.  It doesn't matter. She always look terrific.

                                            So, Cel, hon, where do you get your hair done?  I want to know, so I can have great hair, like yours.

                                              And speaking of acting technique, I want to show you something.
This is something Celia and Zachary Levi did called "Don't Quit Your Night Job," in which they fused script lines from the movie "First Date," and the play "The Glass Menagerie."  Even though this is played for comic effect, watch how effortlessly Celia goes into becoming Laura.  Her readings are
both poignant and funny, but her transition is breathtaking.

                                                 Show us how to do it, Celia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eight Days Late, And Not A Moment Too Soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                                   Oh, my God!  Girls!  I am SO sorry!  Yesterday, as I was writing, I realized that April 7 had passed, without me saying a word.  Of course, to Theater Queens, that means the day "South Pacific" originally opened at the Majestic, in 1949.  But, more to the point, it marked the ninth anniversary of this blog!

                                                   I have been chronicling for nine years.  And you know what comes after nine, darlings, so I can promise you now, that, next year, online or off, there will be a big party.

                                                   How could I have ignored this milestone?????????  Well, with all the stress between health and work, it literally slipped my mind.  But I want to wish each and every one of my readers--even those who just randomly tune in, sometimes, a happy ninth anniversary, and may we have another nine,and keep on going!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                     In an odd, yet serendipitous way, I am getting an anniversary present tonight.  I am going on the aisle, this evening, seeing Jessie Mueller, in "Waitress!!!!!!!!!!"

                                                       So, stay tuned for that report, and more in the months to come!

                                                      Happy Anniversary, Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Oh, Happy Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Well, yes and no.  Yes, I went to the dentist yesterday, and there were no cavities, I got a good tooth cleaning, and no overt problems.  I should have been dismissed, and said to come back in six months. Which I will, for my cleaning anyway.

                                     Except.

                                     For several visits now, there has been mention of an upper tooth that moves a bit, and is lose.  Now, I chow down on apples, steak, and such, and, occasionally, I wiggle my teeth to see if I can feel anything.  And I don't.

                                       Nevertheless, I have to go for a consultation with a periodontist.  I see implants ahead, and thousands of dollars I cannot afford.

                                          My beloved is going with me, to make it clear that if the price is too much, we will go somewhere else.   Which, as long as I can have antibiotics, does not bother me a bit.

                                           So, yes, I did survive the dentist. But it seems one thing always leads to another!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                            I will keep you posted, dolls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                     

This Bitch Should Be Mauled By Pit Bulls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                           No, dears, this is not a reference to an episode of "COPS," though the incident took place in one of that show's favorite settings--the state of Florida. Why should I be surprised?

                            The timing is perfect, for, en route to work this morning, I saw, on his terrace, my beloved Cujo, my special dog friend, who gave me, from said terrace, all the love he could muster to make me feel better, Which is why this bitch especially irritates me.

                                The winner of this week's Raving Queen Bitch Of The Week Award is Gerrardo Bellido. He is a, 11 year member of the Florida Department Of Law Enforcement--though who knows for how long, after this incident.

                                  You see, as part of his job, Bellido owned a beautiful and I am sure sweet, yet reliable on the job, four-year-old German Shepard, named Igor.  He was a K9 officer, with the Kissimmee police.

                                   But he made the sadistic mistake of leaving this sweet animal in a car, minus air conditioning, for several hours, leading to poor Igor's death.

                                    That he is still on the police force at all speaks of the stupidity of Florida. But when I tell Cujo, and all my dog friends, they are going out to get him, and I hope they tear this guy apart.

                                      In addition, Bellido lied about the incident. Which he refuses to discuss. What kind of inhuman monster is this?  And what the hell is he doing in law enforcement?????

                                     And here is sweet Igor, who died at the hands of negligence and cruelty. May he rest in peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      Gojira is going to GROWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

We Just Love Kate McKinnon As Hillary Clinton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                  Girls, I am telling you, if Hillary does become President--as I hope she does--it will be due, in no small part to Kate McKinnon and her brilliant impersonations.  Have you seen the latest, where she talks about losing, New York, and the subway system???????  Hons, she nails it brilliantly, and gets it right, every time.

                                      Here is Kate, as Hillary, doing the NY Subway thing!  Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!

                                       I bet Hillary herself loves it!!!!!!!!

                                        Keep it up, Kate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Night's Program Kept Reminding Me, I Have To Call, And Have Lunch With Gloria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                              It was not what I expected.  I had thought "Nothing Left Unsaid--Gloria Vanderbilt And Anderson Cooper" would be a blast into the "Grey Gardens" past, and the far off days of glamour, which unfortunately will never return, because our Trump-centric culture has become simply to boorish.

                               I have to say, darlings, Gloria looked good.  Even if she had face work done, which you better believe she has. Now, I am one of those of a certain age, who remember when both the book and the mini-series, "Little Gloria, Happy At Last" were extremely popular. Today, I cannot even find a copy of that book anywhere.  I never read it, then, but sure would like to read it now.

                                 Because Gloria's life, little or no, was not happy.  First, she went to The Wheeler School.  My God, Wheeler's and NOT Miss Porter's?????????  Something is wrong right there; that is enough to decimate a child for life.

                                   Her marriages did not work out, and she even had a fling with that thug, Sinatra!!!!! He was hardly in her class, dears!  Then Anderson Cooper being gay--but come on, some child of Gloria's HAD to be, and then that horrible business with Carter and his suicide.  I almost turned the TV off, it was so depressing.  And heartrending.  Gloria was as honest as could be, and it is clear this is something she will never quite get over.

                                     I came away wanting to see "Full Gallop," the play about Diana Vreeland. But I just loved Gloria's red hallway, darlings; it gives me some decorating ideas.

                                       Meanwhile, I simply have to call Gloria and have lunch!  We can discuss garnets and portraits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Isn't He Just The Most Precious??????????????


                            Girls, that Andrew Keenan-Bolger is certainly a fine young man, now in previews at the Broadhurst Theatre in "Tuck Everlasting," with Carolee Carmello, no less--oh, my God!!!!--and I just cannot wait to go!!!!!!!!!  I hope this lands Andrew a TONY nomination because at least one member of this dynasty is due for one!  And I am sure Celia and Maggie would be as delighted as I were it to be Andrew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I mean, just take a look at this interview with Andrew!  Cute as a button, and fresh as a daisy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When has the stage seen anyone this precious in how long?

                                You can bet I will go backstage, to give you a full report on The Raving Queen and Andrew!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                   

I Wish Someone Would Teach Me The Score To "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                              I don't know what is going on, but I have been getting Celia Keenan-Bolger vibes.  Maybe that means Celia is getting ready to work on something we all can see, or is about to.  I hope.

                               I have also been having premonitions about doing a show--my performance bug is starting to surface again; I mean it has been awhile--and the one I see myself doing is "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee."  Maybe because it has so many quirky characters I can see a role in it for me.  It's not like I am playing "Peer Gynt."

                               Now, I know Andrew Tyler Ferguson is in town, with his one-man show, "Fully Committed," which I would love to see.  So, maybe that would not make him too much available to teach me the score.

                                 Which brings me back to Celia Keenan-Bolger.  I mean, of course, she is the one I would MOST love to have me teach the score! And, if she has the time, why not?  We could discuss it over lunch and coffee at Sarabeth's, then set up the sessions.  I am sure Celia knows how to play the piano, or can instantly find someone who can.

                                     But I feel Destiny and I have a date with "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee."  So I need to be prepared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      How about it, Celia????????????????????

Sunday, April 10, 2016

"Born In Arizona, Got A Condo, Made Of Stona--King Tut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


                            Now, you may well ask, what does King Tut have to do with a bus trip to Shady Maples, in the Amish country of Pennsylvania????????????

                             Well, darlings, it all started with Queen Nefertiti, so dubbed by us.  This was a woman who, with her husband on a walker, was gathered in front of the municipal garage at 85th Street, off 5th Avenue, in our beloved Bay Ridge.  This woman left her husband, sitting by the side, and latched on  to us, as we listened to her chat about King Tut, the Egyptians, the exhibits she saw on such, cloning and this messianic guy called Real!!!!!!!!!!!!  Who?????????????

                             When the bus took off, the husband was left behind.  I think he was glad, for, as we drove down the street, I saw him moving in his walker faster than any disabled person I have ever seen!!!!!!!!!  I can't say I blame him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                             I prayed we would be seated away from her, because I was not about to listen to this, for three hours; I needed to relax.  My prayers were answered, because we were seated near the front!

                               As for Shady Maples, it is a GI specialist's dream for getting patients, because if you eat everything in sight, there will be a trip to the ER.  I have been to buffets in my time--including the creme de la creme, The Court Of Two Sisters, in NOLA, darlings!!!!!!!!--but the food arrangements were so overwhelming I could not take it in.  The starch, the sugar!  My God!  My cholesterol!  My early stage diabetes!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              I had to consolidate.  Maybe thirty years ago, I could have gorged with no problem, but not anymore.  I went single course, with a slice of roast beef and gravy, roasted pork, corn squash, baked beans (really good, but I wouldn't dare eat more!!!!) and broccoli.  Desert was just as overwhelming, but once I saw there was egg custard--a childhood favorite, I had a small bowl of that.  Oh, and I did eat some fruit--honeydew and pineapple to wash an oatmeal cookie down.  I was full, not stuffed.

                             Wish I could say the same for my beloved!!!!!!!  Oh, my God, it is a wonder he can walk this morning!!!!!!!!!!   Our reptile friend, Gojira, joined us on this excursion, and let me tell you, I saw him glowering at my beloved, as he heaped food on his plate!  Which was nothing, compared to the plates of other visitors, heaped as high with food as a Staten Island dump!!!!!!!!!  And you should have seen the size of some of them!  Mama June was a lightweight, compared to them!

                                The design is faux elegant, smart enough to fool the "Honey Boo Boo" crowd, but not a queen, like me!!!!!!!!!!  It was clean, ostentatious, but worth the experience.

                                 Then there was the downstairs gift shop, which was surreal.  Imagine, the toy department is next to the gun and weaponry department.  Great message for kids!!!!!!!!!!!  This wan not like when I would roam E.J. Korvette's, at the Brunswick Shopping Center on Georges Road, when I was a child!!!!!!!!!!!!  No guns were sold there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  The whole thing was surreal, what with the Amish walking and working in period garb, with others looking like something out of "Deliverance," as an instrumental version of "Blue Velvet"--I kid you not, darlings!!!!!!!!--played throughout the store.  See why I have to stay in New York?  It gets scary outside of there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  New Jersey is civilized, so help me God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                      After this, with snow coming down, we rode through lovely farm country, which once again aroused my fantasies about being Michelle Pfeiffer, as Rose, in "A Thousand Acres."  Then we went to charming Kitchen Kettle Village, more genuine and less ostentatious than Shady Maples.  Though we did buy some Cinnamon Bread and Chocolate Chip Cookies there.  At the Village, we came with with kitchen utensils, and a jar of Black Bean and Corn Salsa!!!!!!!!!!  Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!

                                       We did not get back to Bay Ridge, until &PM, which was fine for us! En route, a raffle was held on the bus, and as befitting a gay couple, we won color coordinated items--my beloved a red change purse, and I a red tote back, with the L and M Tours logo!!!!!!!!  I can use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                          When I handed in my suggestion envelope, it said "A trip to Lourdes!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if that will happen, but I promise you now, darlings, that if it does, I will return with YouTube videos of me doing key scenes from "The Song Of Bernadette" in the actual locales!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                             "What is the Holy Trinity?  I said, what is the Holy Trinity!"

                                                And Gojira is just fine, loves!  He may be large, but he knows how to pace himself!!!!!!!!!!!!
                           

Friday, April 8, 2016

Poor Blythe!!!!!!!!! What Can She Do About Her Daughter, At This Point??????????????????


                              Gwyneth Paltrow is not looking so good, these days. Actually, she has not been looking good for a long while--like ever since winning the Oscar for "Shakespeare In Love," not getting any decent roles, and now having lost her Princess Ingenue looks that made her career hot for awhile.  No one told Gwyneth that blond Princess Ingenues are a dime a dozen.  No one told her that she should have gone for edgier roles, like what she did in "Flesh And Bone," which was absolutely brilliant.  She would still have a career, had she made that choice.

                                But, now?  Oh, my God, she is a mess!  First trying to be the guru of health food and cooking, now recommending letting bees sting you for skin care--are you kidding?  the pain? and what if some poor person has anaphylaxis????--and finally venturing into Joan Didion territory (a writer she claims to love, though I doubt she understands a word of what Joan writes).  And I doubt she understood Donna Tartt's "The Goldfinch," if she thought it was so great a book.

                                Her street and show biz cred is gone. Thank God for her mother; she and  MERYL are the only real acting blondes out there, who kept going when their ingenue periods ran out. That is because they are consummate actresses. Gwyneth Paltrow is a consummate NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                  Oh, honey, get the hell out of the spotlight! It does not want you, anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!