Isn't This Just The Perfect Poster For "Pecked--The Birds Musical???????????????"

                                 This is my new pet project, darlings!!!!!!!!!!!  I love the shot, because it suggests exactly the right atmosphere, yet it is not directly from the Hitchcock film.   Which, by the way, I watched last night, with some impressive and hilarious results.  It inspired me to go on with this idea, so here is what I have come up with, so far.

                                  Julie Taymor needs a job.  So, I want her, not to direct--get that idea out of your head, Jules!!!!!!!!--but to mastermind the bird effects and attacks on stage.

                                    The opening will have Melanie walking across the street to the pet shop, where, in front of, she will sing a jaunty number, which she will dance to, called "Just A Poor, Misunderstood, San Francisco Socialite."

                                     Mitch's neighbor, played in the movie by Richard Deacon, will sing "How Gay Were The Gay Nineties?" to Melanie, before he departs for his weekend!

                                       After that, things get a little sketchy.

                                       When Melanie drives away from Annie's house, Annie sings, "I Guess That's Where Everyone Meets Mitch," lamenting her fate, musing she ought to have been a lesbian, as that is how most people view her, anyway.

                                        Melanie and Mitch have a duet about her Roman escapade called "Roman Splashdown!"

                                         Lydia is a cold, frigid bitch.  She deserves a number.  Either after the first house attack, or when she lashes out at Mitch.  Actually, she could do the number after the first attack, and a reprise later, when she lashes out.  Call it "Lydia's Lament."

                                         The School Attack will be a big ensemble song and dance number.  Call it "Bird Brains."

                                         The Tides patrons should get their own number, incorporating all their anxieties.   I know it is not good to follow an ensemble number with another, but here it is needed.  Call it (tentatively, at least!) "Purists At The Tides!"

                                          It goes without saying that the Hysterical Mother gets a number.  This was the character played so memorably by Doreen Lang!!!!!!!  What else could it be called other than "I Think You're Evil!????????????"

                                            When Mitch and Melanie pick up Cathy at the school, and get her into the car, her recounting is a mounting, hysterical musical number, called "Cathy's Aria."

                                                As they leave the house, and Cathy brings the lovebirds, caged, she sings a song of trust, called "What Is It With These Lovebirds??????????"

                                                 Of course, there has to be a Finale.  Well, there is!  As the car drives off, the birds suddenly, through superb sound achievement, sing a song about why they are striking out against humanity.

                                                  It is called "The Birds Turn."

                                                  A few more things.  Casting will rotate, so both women and men can play Melanie and Annie!  As women I see Celia Keenan-Bolger for Melanie (though Kristen Chenoweth has been mentioned) and Jessie Mueller for Annie.  How about Victoria Clark for Lydia??????????

                                                   Of course, I want to play both Melanie and Annie, and will on certain nights.

                                                     Who could direct this?  Charles Busch?  Lonny Price?  Jack O'Brien??
Jerry Zaks????????  NOT John Doyle!!!!!!!!!  He will have the birds played in costume by orchestra performers!  No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                         So, girls, if you like this idea, let me know.  Hell, anyone out there want to collaborate, tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                           It could either be a hit, or the greatest Ponzi scheme since "The Producers."